Fate & Forgotten Secrets
by snshyne
Summary: **COMPLETE**A childhood heartbreak. An adult betrayal. "If anything else goes wrong, it will be the final nail in my coffin. I'm sure of it." Will Bella's pain and Edward's secret push them together or tear them apart? M, violence, AH, A/U, OOC, E/B, can
1. Prologue

**A/N: Thanks for taking the time to read this fanfic. It's my first and I'm pretty sure I have no idea what I'm doing. The story idea just came to me one day while driving. This is an all-human fic with traditional pairings brought to us by Stephenie Meyer. **

**I will be using both BPOV and EPOV.**

**I want to send a special thanks to cclore for 1) putting up with my rants, 2) providing me insight into what boys bond over, and 3) just being so fucking awesome.**

***Note: There are some strong themes in this fic. None of which I take lightly.  
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**I don't own these characters, I just play with them.  
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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Prologue**

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It's just like before. Like the last time. It all began so small, but quickly escalates into something more. It seems like we are always fighting now. We fight about everything from washing dishes to what movie to see. If I am honest with myself I can say that I probably push him on some night's to get a reaction. So I can feel something, so I can see that he feels anything instead of this shell of a couple that we have become. This night, I simply say that I will not be able to attend a dinner because I have a deadline to meet and where there used to be understanding, I am only met with anger.

"Fuck your deadline!" he shouts at me, stalking in my direction.

Immediately by body recoils, trying to hide from whatever may be coming my way. He had never hit me before, but that didn't mean there isn't a reason to be afraid. He stops in his path and glares at me. I know that in just a few steps he can get to me before I would ever be able to get out of his way. I don't say anything. I just stand here. Shaking. Waiting.

Before I know it his lips are crashing hard on mine and my arms are in a vice grip in his large hands, pinned to my sides. I can taste the alcohol on his breath- harsh & bitter. The grip is painful. He is hurting me and I am not able to pull away. And suddenly I can't breathe. As I turn my head to get some air he lashes out and smacks my face hard enough to send my small frame flying to the floor in shock and pain- I can't be sure what is worse, the shock or the pain. I must have bit my cheek when he struck me because I can feel a warm liquid in my mouth and I feel a little faint. I will myself not to swallow and not to wipe my mouth. The sight of my own blood will render me incoherent and useless. I sit here for a second before I whip my head up to glare at him.

What I see there is anger, hatred, fear and...lust. Immediately, I'm scared. I do not welcome the crippling feeling as it racks my brain making it hard to handle what is going on. As I get up to run I barely make it two steps before he has his strong arms around my waist and I am hoisted off of the floor. I can't even scream. Fear has my voice trapped in my throat incapable of release. My limbs feel numb, though I have a vague recollection of them flailing around.

He buries his face in my neck and drags his tongue along the length. "You are so heavenly Bella," he states through gritted teeth, as he continues to stalk through the house with my shaking body in his arms. My hair is thrown in my face and my eyes are sealed shut, afraid of what is happening. Begging to God that this will end. Now. Soon. Please. Suddenly, I am thrown down and my body hit sthe mattress. In that instant, I know this is NOT going to be like the last time...

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**A/N: And so it begins…**


	2. Ch 01: Rabbit Hole

**A/N: Thanks for reading.**

**cclore and PhoenixMP3: I love you both for putting up with my mess.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 1: Rabbit Hole **

**Bella Swan POV**

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"Hmm. Onion loaf test two," I state into the recorder on my iPhone, "it seems as if sautéing the onions prior to placing them in the loaf provides a lighter onion taste than adding them raw as the recipe recommends. It also removes a taste of bitterness from the loaf."

I put down my phone and shakily write down my notes on the dish in the margin of the cookbook I am reviewing in order to meet the deadline by next week. Circling the 'raw onions' in the ingredients list and writing 'sauté' next to it.

Up until recently, I was simply co-reviewing with colleagues in my office. Someone else would take the lead and I would tag along for the ride, but my boss said he saw promise in me and assigned to me the task of my first solo cookbook review: "**Loaf Lover's."** Dwyer Publishing is the largest publishing house in the Pacific Northwest and the third largest in the country. I am very lucky to land a job here as an Associate Editor fresh from college.

In life I have three loves: music, books, and cooking.

I've loved music probably since birth since I cannot remember a time in my life when I _did not_ love it. Renee, my mom, was always surrounded by music and I was always around Renee. I suppose that would have created the natural course for it to become such a large part of my life. Renee loved it all: Botticelli, Tool, Pachabel, Aerosmith, Debussy, Muse, Run DM&C, Mozart, the Beatles, and the list goes on. Unfortunately, I cannot sing, nor can I play an instrument, so pursuing a music career would have been a wasted effort. I choose to indulge in my love for music in other ways. You can almost always find me attached to my iPod. I love to attend live shows and surf the internet for lesser known and undiscovered bands. I often walk local college campuses to see if I can catch a listen to some no-name band. Alice and I go to local bars to check out local talent. All so I can be around my first love. I have something in common with the smaller band, the less mainstream artist. We share that same love of music that has not been obscured by the views of the outside world. Our insignificance has allowed us to move through life almost unrecognized and revel in that small piece that makes a difference- the music. It's that that gets me through the day. One single song can have the power to bring you to life and in that brief four minutes, you are more content than ever, and that is all that matters.

In college, I double majored in English Lit and History figuring that between the two I would get into every book I could possibly get my hands on. Where music is my soundtrack, books are my savior. I always have a book with me, and it's not a surprise if it's a book I have read a million times. Evident by the torn pages and the tattered cover. Every time I read it, it's a different experience. I get lost in the pages of a book, but when I finish I am found. And where I do prefer the classics, fiction, and romance, I also love to read autobiographies, journals, non-fiction, sci-fi, etc. I just love books, and I want to read them all. In my sophomore year, I was offered a position at The Writing Center in the English Department of NYU where I was responsible for helping my fellow students, and even some grad level students on a good day, on their class assignments or personal goals, such as books and manuscripts, they may be writing. During that time, I realized how much I enjoyed editing and offering critique to writers. It's both an exciting and gratifying feeling to know that I am helping someone perfect their art.

Cooking started out as a necessity and eventually morphed into a passion. After _they_ were gone, I moved in with the Brandons. The Brandons were more of an "_eat to sustain life_" kind of family and not very much effort was placed into meal time. Don't be mistaken, we were never malnourished. It was just that the food was typical and boring and often intermingled with some form of take out- between the Brandons and college I have had more than my fair share of pizza. Mr. Brandon was a high-powered attorney who was usually always working- from home or at the office. Mrs. Brandon was a designer of all things I would never wear. Flowing ball gowns, embellished blouses, intricate scarves. You name it, she made it. By the time I was ten I was tired of mac 'n cheese, hot dogs, tuna casserole, and fish sticks that was served to the kids. So I would sit under Chef Irina, cook for the Brandons, and watch her cook, and as I got older, she would let me help in the kitchen. Before I knew it, I was creating dishes of my own and cooking by myself. Alice would come into the kitchen offering to help, but I would always kick her out within two minutes. She had no idea what she was doing and would often do things like dump an entire salt carton into a pot of water- wrapper, carton and all! Where music provided the backdrop for my life and books provided the escape, cooking provided the release. I was always able to pour what I was feeling into what I was making. Incapable of expressing myself in words, there was food.

Just as I am setting the pasta on two plates, the doorbell rings. I run to the door tripping over the large runner in the hallway, not caring to pay too much attention in my hurry to get to the door.

"Alice!" I beam as I open the door and see my best friend standing there with her perfect pixie hair cut to just above her shoulders, a Burberry weekender set next to her on the floor, and a bottle of wine in her hand. Mike is out of town on business again, and Alice is staying with me to keep me company.

"Hey Bella, are you ready to get this weekend underway?" she asks, smiling. I open the door wider to let her in, pointing her in the direction of the bedrooms so she can put her stuff down.

I walk into the kitchen and turn off the stove, set the onion loaf aside marking the white label "_test 2_" to identify where I left off for when I continue later. Just as I am pulling the cork screw out of the bottle of wine, Alice comes bounding into the kitchen with an ornately wrapped rectangle shaped package in her hand and places it on the table. I look at her and quirk an eyebrow.

"It's for you silly," Alice says with an impish grin.

"Alice, how many times do I have to tell you stop buying me gifts?"

"I know, Bella," Alice says in mock annoyance, "but I saw this when I was in New York last week and I had to get it for you."

I set the bottle of wine down on the table and Alice picks it up and begins to excellently pour wine into the two glasses I had set out. I watch her thinking to myself, _"if I was pouring the wine, I would be wearing it by now." _

I pick up the gift and begin to open it with trepidation. I hate getting gifts from people. It's always such an awkward affair. Not to mention, I haven't done anything to deserve them. I certainly have not done anything to deserve gifts from Alice. As I pull back the lapels of the ridiculously ornate wrapping paper, I chuckle to myself.

"What?" Alice asks with an amused look on her face.

"Nothing. It's just that only you would wrap something so small in such an over-the-top fashion." When I look up at her, she's wearing a huge smile and there is laughter in her eyes.

I continue to open the package and I finally get off _all_ of the paper. It's a book. I turn the book in my hands to get to the cover to see what it is and I nearly choke on the huge gasp of air I intake, **"Alice In Wonderland/Alice Through The Looking Glass" Lewis Carroll, 1st Edition**.

"Ali...," I start.

"Do you like it?" she asks before I can even finish what I was attempting to say.

"I love it, Alice. Thank you so much." I can feel the tears threaten their way to the surface.

"Come now. None of that. Let's eat. I'm starved," Alice jokes to snap me out of the blue funk that threatens to overtake me.

Alice and I sit around the table and eat the Penne A La Vodka that I made based on a recipe from the book I am reviewing. As we eat, I take some notes as to what I feel was good about it and what was possibly not so good about it. Alice never makes a fuss when I do this; she knows how much I put into my work. I feel that the cream portion of the sauce is too heavy and made a note to try a lighter version so I can give the author a suggestion. However, I feel that the marinara portion of the sauce has the perfect amount of tanginess. "_Must be the plum tomatoes,"_ I think to myself. I will have to turn my notes into the author and we'd meet to discuss the changes. I am very nervous about that.

Alice tells me all about her trip to New York last week and how she was in the area near The Strand bookstore and stopped in to see if they had anything new. I smile at that. I love The Strand and Alice knows it. I spent so much time and money there when I was a student at NYU. I truly miss that place- I miss New York. When the clerk showed her the 1st Edition Lewis Carroll, she immediately bought it without question. Only Alice really knows how much that book means to me.

She also shows me the designs she has been working on for her mother's new line. They are so beautiful. It's a line of cocktail dresses for the young adult crowd. Somewhere between slutty prom and middle age charity event. After college, Alice moved back home to Forks and has been working at her mother's Design House, Charmed, _quite an appropriate description of mother and daughter if you ask me_, while she put together a business plan to launch her own business centered on fashion and personal shopping services. Knowing Alice, it would only be a short matter of time before that plan is done.

After we eat, we hop over to the den to watch a movie, and then I hear Alice yawning. "Ali, go to bed. You had a long flight."

"Alright," Alice concedes but only barely, "I'll be across the hall if you need me."

"I'll be fine," I call out to her, but honestly I'm not sure if I will be.

I turn off the TV, set the dishwasher to run and then start down the hallway. I go to the dresser and pull out my pajamas, slip them on and crawl into bed. Who knows how long I lay there, but it feels like an eternity.

**~F&FS~**

_As I groggily made my way to the bathroom, there was an eerie quiet in the house, one that I was familiar with. It was a warm summer night and the air was stagnant. Given the way that the moon was shining into the hall, it was the wee hours of the morning and it would be several hours before mom came and rustled my hair to wake me up. Perhaps it was the excitement of spending the day with her in the studio that woke me. I can't be sure. I struggled to keep my eyes open as I pulled down my pajamas to use the restroom. It was at this moment that I heard the sound of shattering glass. _

_I lost all urge to pee at that second. I froze and stilled my body, both terrified and curious by the sound I just heard. It was not long before I heard soft, but hurried footsteps coming up the stairs and pass the bathroom. I had not turned on the light when I entered the bathroom, hoping to not shock myself into being awake so I could easily fall back to sleep. As I silently thanked my lucky stars, there was a loud bang like something hit the wall. "What the..." I heard the booming voice of my dad only to be drowned out by the shrill scream that vacated my mother's small frame. There were sounds of a struggle. More glass was broken. More crashing. More banging. And then two loud pops resounded in my ears as I was suddenly shocked wide awake and acutely aware of what was going on around me. No more screaming. _

_Adrenaline poured through my veins and pushed my body to react to what was going on. Before I could even realize what was happening, I was crouched down into a familiar spot; one I had hidden in so many times as a very small child. Luckily, my frame was still small enough to fit even if my legs were longer than they used to be. I stayed there, motionless, listening as doors slammed open and hurried footsteps dashed around the house. I heard the door to my bedroom swing open as the small bell on the front of it chimed. Again, the soft and hurried footsteps moved across the bathroom door but did not come in. I did not move, I did not breathe, I did not cry. _

_I did nothing until I heard the faint sounds of sirens in the distance alerting me that help was on the way. Whoever was in the house must have heard the sirens too because the banging stopped and the last sound I heard was the screech of tires peeling on pavement and then there was no noise except for the sirens in the distance. I shuddered and let out a silent breath that I did not even realize I was holding. The sirens were close enough to cause a loud ringing in my ears, making my mind spin. I untangled myself and moved the towels and linens hiding me and opened the cabinet door to darkness colored with flashes of blue and red. "_They can't be far,_" I thought. To this day, I don't know what was guiding me, but my legs moved one foot in front of the other, leading me to the worst thing I will ever see. _

_As I rounded the corner, I could see the destruction. Pictures on the wall were now shattered in their frames on the floor, books were splayed against their bindings, the small table in the hallway that held some of Renee's favorite sculptures was turned over and the sculptures now lay in scattered pieces. I continued to walk until I reached _their _room. As I came to the door, one of my tiny hands reached out to touch the wall. I could see my hand, but it felt removed from my body. Like I was watching someone else in motion. I used the other hand to push the already ajar door completely open and I came to a halt as I laid my eyes on my parents. Both dead. Charlie's arm splayed across Renee's chest as they lay in a crumpled heap on the floor aimed towards the door. As I started to move closer, my bare feet skimming across the floor, I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my right foot piercing the skin with a searing tear and then the warmth pooled around my foot. The pain was enough to shock my body out of a silent reverie and into a violently piercing scream that racked my body from head to toe. I fell to the ground. Heaving, screaming, shaking. And that is where they found me the night my parents were killed. _

"Bella!..." I can hear my name but not place it. "Bella, wake up. You're having the dream again." _Alice_.

She's calling my name and as I come to my senses I can see her hair all disheveled from sleep and falling in her face as she leans over me. I see the look of concern on her face. As my eyes adjust to hers, she lets her mouth curl into a smile that does not reach her eyes.

"Hey, Bella. It's okay, you were just having the dream again."

As I sit up in bed to shake the images out of my head, I smile at Alice, "was it bad?"

Alice simply looks at me and helps me to lie back down. "Let's just sleep, Bella."

I roll over to fall sleep while Alice idly recites her favorite designers to lull me to sleep, "Balenciaga, Burberry, Coach..."

I run my left foot on the underside of my right foot to feel the scar...

"Dior, Ferragamo, Gucci..."

The scar left by the piece of plaster from one of Renee's shattered sculptures...

"Louboutin, Marc Jacobs, Nicole Miller..."

This has been the saga of my life almost every night for the last 16 years, and Alice had been there for practically every single one.

Some might say that the night my parents were killed I was lucky that my body felt the call of nature, leading me to the bathroom. For it was this act that spared my life that night. But it was Alice and her parents that save my life everyday...

"Sue Wong, Valentino, William Rast..."

Some people fall asleep to soothing ocean sounds. I fall asleep to high fashion.

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**A/N: **

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**

**I have some notes and I won't bore you with repeating them every chapter:**

**cclore and PhoenixMP3 are the lovely ladies who keep Edward in check and braid Bella's hair.**

**I have a blog - http:/snshyne(dot)com- it has extras for this story like: outfits, recipes, character bios, cars, music, and other extras.**

**There are outtakes for this story as well as other one-shots I may do. I would suggest putting me on author alert if you're interested.**

**There is a Twilighted Thread (see my profile).**


	3. Ch 02: Borderline

**A/N: **

**cclore and PhoenixMP3 *mwah*  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 2: Borderline **

**Edward Cullen POV**

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Sunday mornings. Grrr! I look at myself in the mirror after a long shower trying to ease my muscles after a restless night and my eyes are veiny and red. "_Fuck,_" I grumble to myself, aggravated by my current state. I hurriedly throw on some clothes, completely neglecting to shave, grab my cell off of the dock and my keys and walk out of my apartment. As I get to my car, I see my reflection in the perfectly cleaned windows and almost laugh to myself at the unruly mess that is my hair. After all these years you would think I'd get used to the sight of it. _No. Not at all_.

I slide into the smooth leather of the driver's seat, "_hi baby,_" I greet my car and grin to myself at the fucking absurd sound of me talking to an inanimate object- a terrible habit of mine. I love cars. I love my car. My baby. Who the fuck cares if I talk to her?

I blaze through the city on the familiar route: apartment, Starbucks, and work. It's a Sunday, and on Sundays the boys and I get together to clean up from the last week and to prepare for the coming week. Fuck knows why we picked Sundays since Saturday nights ran so fucking late. By the time I get home it's almost time to get up again.

I get to _Eclipse_ just as Seth is getting back to the valet station. I grab the four coffees, leaving the fifth in the console for Seth to grab when he is done parking my car. I step out tossing Seth my keys in one deftly graceful motion and stroll inside. "Morning Sir," Seth says as he grabs my keys mid-air. "Seth," I state and give him a slight smile. I've told him not to call me "sir" more times than I care to remember.

Strolling into _Eclipse,_ I see a few of the wait staff, bartenders, kitchen staff, and lounge staff all there cleaning up from the night before. There is some God-awful music coming over the sound system and I am almost curious as to who would actually listen to that noise. Almost, but not fucking really. I walk past them towards the stairs in the back. Taking the stairs two at a time, I reach the top not even winded from the sprint. As I round the corner, I see Emmett and Jasper standing there waiting for me and I just smirk at them.

"What?" I ask, trying to hold back a laugh as I see the way they are looking at me. I already know what is going to be said.

"Four coffees, Cullen?" Emmett asks, gesturing to my full hands and the fact that there are only three of us in the hallway.

"What? One for you, one for Jasper, two for me. Did you want more coffee? You can get it yourself next time," I say, goading him to bitch about my coffee one more time. I have the shortest drive and I have taken it upon myself to be responsible for the coffee on Sundays since day one. I walk past them and head into my office; they follow with wary looks on their faces. I place the coffee down on my desk. Jasper and Emmett both grab their coffees and sit down and I do the same.

We talk for a bit about nothing in particular as we always do. After being friends this long, there isn't much that needs to be said. Emmett just bought a new car to fix up and was dying to get his hands on it. Jazz and I agree to come by one day to tinker around about it. Jasper wants us to be available on Thursday in a couple of weeks to preview this band he is interested to have come play a couple of nights. I, lost in a mental fog, do not have anything to report at the time. Then they head to their respective offices so we can go about our regular tasks for keeping this place running like a well-oiled machine.

Sundays just seem to go on and on and on. Endless amounts of paperwork, inventory, planning, and scheduling. It would probably be far more bearable if I had actually slept last night and wasn't kicking myself to stay awake.

_"Fuck! My head is killing me,"_ I thought to myself. Just as I think that I'm going to have to run out and get another coffee, Leah, Seth's sister and _Eclipse_ Office Manager, appears in my door with the liquor log and a cup of coffee.

"Aww, Leah. You always know when I need it," I beam at her.

"Seth said you are looking particularly exhausted today so I took the liberty of grabbing you a cup on my way in. Venti, triple, Pike with two pumps vanilla for Mr. Cullen," she says with a chuckle.

"Thanks Leah, I think I can make it through the day now," I say with a smirk.

Leah is such an interesting person. So hard on the outside, but really just a soft and caring person on the inside. After the death of their parents, Leah had been left to care for Seth on her own while he was still a child. Having to be a mother and sister to her brother can account for that exterior she shows people. But just when you want to write her off, she shows up with a perfect coffee beverage and surprises you. Leah is the perfect person to have as an Office Manager. Someone had to keep Emmett and Jasper in line. Well, I guess you can add me to that list as well. Leah doesn't take shit from anyone.

"Yeah, well don't let me find you in here asleep," she says with a slight attitude, but it is laced with concern that she tries to hide as she walks out of my office.

I put the liquor log to the side, saving it for last as I continue to go over the specials for the menu this week. I work on the weekly specials all the time and I love it. Working on menus was something I learned from my mother. I can still recall sitting at the kitchen island with Esme as she hunched over a menu, her eyebrows furrowed to come up with the perfect setup. As I got older she would often ask for my input, making it a more hands on experience for me.

My favorite time to handle the menus is when the seasons were in transition. This also means that I can change the regular menu to cycle out items that would be less readily available for the season and incorporate in seasonal items. Fall is just around the corner and I love fall menus. Rich colors, hearty vegetables, smooth and sultry flavors. "_Mmmmm,_" I hum to myself just thinking about it and go back to the task of substituting watermelon menu items from summer with those containing things like raspberries and plums for autumn. It's a small menu, as the eatery is not a large part of _Eclipse_, but that doesn't make it any less important.

**~F&FS~  
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"Fuck!" I bellow as I throw the log across the room. "This is fucking bullshit," I continue as I slam the chair back from the desk and storm out of my office. On my way down the hall I can see both Emmett and Jasper look up from their desks and hurriedly follow after me as I quickly move down the hallway.

"Lauren!" I hear myself shouting, too pissed to even give a fuck at the moment who hears me. I can hear the footsteps behind me.

"Lauren!" I shout one more time before she appears right in front of my face. The look of excitement and fear both present on her face.

"Yes?" she says with a squeak, staring up at me as I tower over her, even in her too tall shoes. More of the staff has gathered around to see what all of the commotion is about.

As I peer down at her, I feel both Emmett and Jasper at my flanks, left and right respectively. I start to calm down a little bit, feeling Emmett's strength and Jasper's resolve. Then I start to remember what I just reviewed in the liquor log and the anger is all over me again.

"Lauren," I start with less shouting, as my jaw is now clenched, "how many times do we have to have this conversation? I've told you several times about the liquor log. I am tired of fucking having to remind you. You're done."

I don't wait for recognition to come to her as I storm out the door and over to my car that is already waiting for me. As the door behind me closes, I hear Lauren start to cry and my two best friends' offer to help her get her things. I feel a small tinge of guilt as I hear her sobs, but I quickly brush it aside. She's had more than enough chances. Ben tosses me my keys to my Audi R8 and I smile as the familiar hum of the engine comes to life and ignites my senses. Almost on auto-pilot, I pull away from the curb and drive off.

Music is always soothing to me. Music provides me with peace where there is chaos. Happiness where there is sadness. Hope where there is despair. It is my most comforting friend. Always understanding, knowing what I need and never passing judgment.

As I drive through the city, well over the speed limit, I let the pace of the music blaring from my iPod and through the speakers take over every fiber of my being, lulling the fury. I race through the city, driving myself into oblivion with absolutely no direction when my phone rings. I look at the caller ID, _Rose_.

"Fuck," I murmur to myself as I use my finger over the familiar "_slide to answer_" on the touch screen to see what she wants. "Yeah."

"Edward, are you okay? Emmett just called me and said you had a fit in the middle of _Eclipse_. What happened?"

"I'm fine, Rose. _That girl_ just keeps fucking with my books and I've had it. She had to go. I can find another person to fill her spot. Someone without a brain full of shit," I snarl into the phone.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, don't you take that tone with me. I am concerned for you. Have you been sleeping? Do I need to call mom and dad?"

"No!" I start in a harsher tone than I should have, "I mean, no, Rose. I'm fine. I just had a long night and I probably was harsher on Lauren than necessary, but it's done."

"Okay," is all she says and I can tell she isn't buying what I am selling. Rose is my overbearing, overprotective, overbitchy older sister and she can read me just like a fucking book.

"Well, I'll be home in a few weeks, so let's get together alright?"

"Yeah, sure. I gotta go." I hang up not waiting for her response. Note to self: kill Emmett!

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**A/N: Before you say anything, I know "Eclipse" has been used as the name of strip clubs, tattoo parlors, restaurants, bars, etc. I don't care. "Eclipse" just fucking works as the name of the establishment owned by this remarkable trio.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**


	4. Ch 03: Possessions

**A/N:**

**Love & appreciation to my fantastic beta's cclore and PhoenixMP3**

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Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Ch 3: Possesions**

**Bella Swan POV**

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My life is pretty normal; I have a standard routine going. I wake up everyday at 6:00 and head downstairs to get the newspaper from the lobby, come back upstairs and lay it on the counter in the kitchen. Out of habit, I glance at the coffee pot to make sure the preset timer has started and the coffee is brewing.

Grabbing my iPod out of my bag, I head into the bathroom and place it on the iPod dock that I managed to get Mike to install in the countertop, making sure my morning shower playlist is selected. By this time, Mike is heading out the door to the gym so I don't have to worry about waking him up. I turn on the shower and brush my teeth while I wait for the water to warm up. After I'm done, I strip off my sleepwear and hop into the shower just as _More Than A Feeling_ starts to play, and I'm bopping my head around to the music. Luckily, the floor of the shower has traction installed so I don't slip and fall. That can leave quite a bruise; I know from experience. My shower takes about 20-25 minutes depending on if I shave or not. The majority of my shower is spent washing my hair. Practically every morning I have the same talk with myself about cutting my hair to a much shorter length, but that never happens. My mom loved my hair and I could never cut it short for fear of cutting my memories of her. Sure, I get my ends trimmed, but that's purely a maintenance issue at the insistence of Alice and not for the convenience of shorter shower time.

After my shower, I put on my robe and step out to the kitchen to grab a mug of coffee and bring it back to the bedroom to sip while I get dressed and continue getting ready for the day. Usually Mike is back from the gym as I am standing in the closet trying to decide what to put on, and he heads over to the bathroom to take a shower. I work in a corporate office, but Dwyer Publishing is a place for fun and creativity intermingled with the business. So while professionalism is expected at all times, it's not required to wear the standard blue, black, tan, or grey suit every day.

I pull my clothes out of the closet, pull some undergarments from my top drawer and walk over to the dresser. While there, I pick up my brush and flip my head over to brush out my hair from the shower, making sure to brush every strand and get out any knots that may have formed. Flipping my head back up, I run the brush through a few more times to settle the still damp hair on my head.

From there, I get dressed for the day. Luckily, I shaved in my shower this morning as I have chosen to wear a skirt today. I'm sure subconsciously, I already made that decision prior to shaving. Or maybe I subconsciously decide to wear a skirt because I know I had shaved. Oh well, it doesn't matter either way. Today I have chosen a black knee length, knit skirt with grey cutouts along my left thigh, a mohair blend sweater that shifts lightly off of my right shoulder and is worn over a black cashmere tank to cover the bare skin. The sweater is so comfortable I could live in it, but Alice would probably kill me. My outfit is accompanied by a pair of Valentino t-strap pumps that Alice gave me as a Christmas gift last year. I'm not big into jewelry, but I feel like this is the perfect day to wear the star earrings that my mother loved so much when she was alive.

Getting dressed really doesn't take very long, so by 7:00 I head to the kitchen to whip up some quick breakfast. Usually during weekdays I make something simple to cook and easy to clean up. During the weekends, I may indulge a little bit. I walk over to the fridge and take out four eggs and a packet of bacon, setting it on the counter. Grabbing a shallow pan from the cabinet, I hear the water in the bathroom turn off. _Mike is done showering_. Walking back to the stove, I put the pan on and let it heat up while I open the bacon and get a bowl from the cabinet in front of me. The pan is warm, so I place the bacon inside, two slices for me and four for Mike, while I crack the eggs into the bowl to begin whisking them.

"Crap," I mutter to myself, hurrying over to the fridge to grab the sharp cheddar cheese. Walking back to the stove, I get there just in time to turn the bacon and then go back to whisking the eggs in the glass bowl. Once the bacon is done, I transfer it to the plate with a paper towel laid on top to catch any excess grease. Turning the heat down on the pan the bacon just cooked in, I transfer the eggs from the glass bowl to the pan and allow them to cook for a few seconds before adding bits of sharp cheddar to them. Tossing the eggs around the pan to make sure they are scrambled, I add a few more pieces of cheese.

Mike has already come out of the bedroom dressed for work and is sitting at the little kitchen table reading the newspaper and drinking his coffee. After transferring the food to plates, I walk over to the table and set them down by the place settings. "Anything interesting?" I always ask him.

"Not much," he always begins, "the stock market is down, closed pretty low yesterday. But everyone knows that. The Mariners lost, but we already knew that too..." And by this time I have usually started to tune him out as I walk over to the fridge to get some orange juice for myself.

Mike will put his paper down and start to eat, like a starving prison inmate, shoveling food into his mouth. This used to gross me out when we started dating, but I've gotten used to it now. There is usually light chit-chat about plans for the day, work related things, anything we might have to say to each other. Things like when he has to go out of town or when I am meeting with a new client. Things such as a repairman coming to look at the dishwasher or I'm going grocery shopping so email me anything you want. You know, normal couple things.

Once we're done, I'll pick up the dishes and scrape any excess food into the trash. Well, off of my plate because Mike eats every morsel from his. Then I place the dishes in the dishwasher. At this point, Mike has gone wherever he goes, down the hall to make a call usually and I head out to the foyer to make sure I have everything I need for work that day: purse- check, iPod- check, iPhone- check, laptop (most days)- check, latest book in review- check, keys-check. I slip on my shoes and Mike will usually be heading my way and give me a kiss as I head out the door first. He'll be leaving in about twenty minutes.

Some days I like to take the stairs. I like the solidarity of the ten flight walk down, but those are usually days that I choose to wear flat shoes. Since today I choose to make the dangerous decision to wear heels- and precariously high heels at that- I will take the elevator. Why I do this to myself, I will never know. I am so clumsy and I have no business wearing anything more than flat on the ground. And even flat shoes don't guarantee I won't end up sprawled out on the floor somewhere after tumbling head over heels. I guess I do it so when I talk to Alice today and she says, "Bella, describe your ensemble" like she does everyday, I will be able to hear her smile through the phone when I tell her what shoes I have on.

Hopping out of the elevator, I see Afton, the morning desk clerk. I try to be sure to say "Good Morning" to him as I head out the door to the right of the desk to where residents park their cars. Some days, especially in the Summer months, I like to walk to work. It's not a far distance. But again, footwear becomes a factor. Heading to my Acura, I hit the button on my key to unlock my door and slide into the driver's seat, smiling to myself as I breathe in the new car smell that still lingers. I really love my car. It's the first true big possession I own that I bought for myself, with my own money after my first two months at Dwyer Publishing. It's not much, but it's great for me. It's mine. Admittedly, I don't know a thing about cars other than how to drive. And on some days, that can be debatable.

When the time came for me to purchase my car, I looked to Jacob for help. Jacob Black is the son to Billy Black, my father's best friend. As a little girl I used to follow Jacob around asking him for piggy back rides and lollipops. Jacob always had a pocket full of lollipops. Every time I went to La Push with my dad, Jacob was fixing up some car or motorcycle for his own personal use or just for kicks. After the death of my parents, I didn't go to La Push as often anymore. But Jacob and Billy would still come into town to check on me and say hello. Never being one for technology, Billy used to send me written letters in college every once in a while to say hello. Whereas Jacob and I traded emails back and forth every now and then to keep in touch.

Knowing nothing about cars, I called on Jacob when it was time to purchase my car, but at first it didn't occur to me. The week I decided that I was getting my car, I was spending a few nights in Forks with Alice while Mike was away. At the time I had figured I'd be going by myself when Alice mentioned she saw Jacob recently, and then it occurred to me that I could ask Jacob for his assistance. Alice wanted to go with me, but all she knows about cars is that she likes them pretty and fast. Sadly, that's more than I know. At least she knows what she likes.

_"But I already know what car you're going to get. I bet Jacob doesn't know that. He's not _that_ good with cars," Alice chimed. I had to hold back my laughter at her near tantrum over the subject. Who knows what my punishment would have been if I did laugh: highlights in my hair, a spa day...I shuddered at the thoughts of "Torture by Alice." _

_The next day I went down to La Push after work before I went to Alice's house. The entire way there I was so nervous. I wasn't sure if it was because I was driving Mike's car and it was a bit flashy or if it was nerves for coming to the place I have not been to in about fourteen years. I pulled onto the grass in front of the Black's house, and I couldn't believe how it seemed like nothing had changed. I saw a flicker in the living room curtain and I felt the nervousness spike in my system. I turned off the engine and went to open the door when I saw a muscular, bronze arm grab the handle. I screamed in shock when the door swung open and Jacob Black peered down through the doorway. _

_"Hey, Bella," he beamed with his gleaming smile. _

_"Hi, Jacob," I chuckled nervously, "you scared me."_

_Jacob furrowed his brow but kept his mouth smiling and pulled me into a hug as I stepped out of the car. "Sorry about that Bells. I was just so surprised to see you and I got overly excited. Nice ride!"_

_"Uhm, can't breathe, Jake!" I shouted into his chest, my voice muffled. "It's not mine, it's my boyfriend's," I stated when he loosened his grip. _

_Jacob stepped away from me and walked around the car, giving it an appreciative nod. "I should have figured it wasn't yours. It's too flashy for your taste. It is a sweet car though. So what brings you to La Push, Bella? It's been a long time."_

_I looked away, afraid to meet his gaze. I knew I had stayed away for far too long, but it was too hard to come back. It was too hard to even be in Forks sometimes, but after my parents death, I still lived there until college. My only memories of La Push involve my parents, and I can't face those memories without having an emotional episode. "Yeah, uh, I know. I'm sorry Jake," was all I could say._

_I could feel him moving closer, but I still couldn't look at him. "It's okay, Bella. I understand. You don't need to apologize to me." Jake was trying to make me feel better. "Come on. Let's go inside and talk," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the house. _

_Walking into Jake's house was like taking a million steps back to my childhood. The same plaid couch was in the living room and Billy's old arm chair. There was the familiar burn in the carpet from when I brought the sparkler into the house on the Fourth of July when I was five. Jacob and Billy thought it was hilarious. Charlie almost lost his mind. I felt a pain in my chest at the memory and willed myself to push it down so I could just focus on Jake and get through this. Jacob walked over to the couch and took a seat, patting the spot next to him as an invitation for me to join him. As I sat down next to Jake he turned to me, "_So Bella, what's up_?" Looking into his eyes, I could tell that he knew I was uncomfortable, but he wasn't going to push it._

_"Uh," I began, unsure of how to start. After a pause I looked up at Jake, and he had an expectant look on his face. I decided it would be best to just spit it out. _

_"I'm looking to buy a car, but I don't know what I want or what to look for. I know nothing actually. I want to get it this week. And Alice wanted to go with me, but all she knows is pretty and fast. And all Mike knows is expensive. And you're the best car person I know. So I was wondering if you could help me. Ya know? Get a car? I have the money, but I just..." _

_"Bella," Jake cut me off mid-ramble with an amused tone in his voice, "you're talking to me in circles. But I think you're asking me for help in purchasing a car right?" I simply nodded. "Well, that I can do for you," he concluded with a smile and I returned it with an even brighter one of my own._

_Jake pulled his laptop over to where we were and we immediately got to work narrowing down my options. He showed me the differences between a coupe and a sedan. He explained to me the different engine types, which I still don't understand, but I just smiled and nodded. We went over the benefits to certain types of interior designs and the importance of power steering. This went on for a few hours before we finally narrowed the choices down to four. Jake agreed to meet me in Seattle after work the next day to begin test drives so I could have my car by the end of the week. _

_By the time I made it back to Alice's, the only things I knew for sure was that I had to have an iPod dock in my car and I wanted a black car. Spending the week with Jacob was fun. He even brought me lollipops and I jumped on his back a few times for old times sake. It's much easier now that I am slightly taller than I was at age five. By the end of the week I had my car. A new, shiny, black Acura, and it was the single most exciting day of my life in the last sixteen years to date. _

_Mike came home from whatever city he was in that week, Vancouver I think, and I couldn't wait to show him my car. I spoke to him while he was away, but I didn't tell him that I got it. I wanted it to be a surprise. I wanted to share my excitement in person. When he came into the apartment, I was cooking dinner and the excitement was practically seeping out of my pores. "Hey beautiful," Mike said as he came over to where I was standing and kissed me gently on the cheek._

_"Hi," I said, turning to look at him. I was too excited and I didn't want my voice to give me away. _

_"You're blushing, furiously. What's going on?" Mike asked, his tone a little harsher than necessary, but I was so excited I just couldn't care. _

_"Nothing. I just want to show you something. Will you take a walk with me?" I asked, meeting his gaze with a smile and starting to walk towards the door._

_Mike just smiled back and followed in my direction. As we walked down the hallway and into the elevator neither one of us said anything. I don't know what Mike was thinking, but I thought I was going to burst at the seams. I put Mike's hand in mine as we exited the elevator. As we walked towards the residential parking garage, I felt Mike tense up._

_"Bella, did something happen to my car?" he nearly barked the question. _

_"No. Can you just wait a minute?" I asked, slightly irritated, but determined to not let it steal my mood._

_I continued to walk through the door and down the path, holding Mike's hand and pulling him along. We got closer to my car and I asked Mike to close his eyes for just a minute and I was happy when he did as I asked. I stopped walking and Mike really had his eyes closed because he walked right into me. "Shit Bella. You could have..." _

_"Open your eyes," I told him, not even giving him time to finish his statement. _

_"What?" he asked, looking around the garage. _

_"Here," I said, pointing to my pretty car in front of us. I could not help but grin from ear to ear. _

_"Oh," Mike began, "wow Bella, when did you get this? How?"_

_"Well, I told you I was going to be buying my car soon. And I decided I wanted to do it last week. It all worked out so well. I had the money and I was talking to Alice about it when I was staying with her. And we were talking about how I have no idea what I am doing and then she mentioned she saw Jake recently. Then I realized I could ask Jake for help because he knows cars and I went to La Push and asked him and he said yes. And..."_

_"Wait!" Mike shouted, cutting me off and his voice bounced off the cement floor of the garage. "You did what?" The look on his face was pure, raging, jealousy. Mike never really struck me as the jealous type. Not any more so than the average person. And I really did not want to continue the conversation. I started to walk passed him and he stepped in my view. _

_"Well...," he asked, clearly waiting for me to respond._

_I just sighed, opening my mouth to get this over with. "I asked Jake to help me look for a car. It's not a big deal. Jake knows cars." _

_I swear I saw Mike's eyes bug out of his head when I finished, but I was not interested in fighting about this. He had no reason to be jealous. We've been together since half way through my junior year at NYU and we've been living together for a little over two months. This is ridiculous. So I walked passed him and went back to the apartment to finish dinner. Mike eventually came back up and sat down to watch TV until the food was done. We ate in silence that night. _

And this brings me back to today.

I turn the key in the ignition to start the engine and then plug my iPod in and switch it to the morning energizing playlist, smiling to myself as the familiar melody from _Coffee Girl_ comes through my speakers. Backing out of my space, I head out of the garage and out onto the street, caught off guard by the blaring sun in my eyes; a very rare site in Seattle. Never really being one for sunglasses, I just put the visor down to block the rays. After all, living in Forks for most of your life, you get used to not seeing the sun.

My morning routine does not end here as I make a familiar right turn a few blocks from the apartment to head to the Starbucks on the corner. Pulling into the parking lot, I park and carefully hop out of my car to get a cup of coffee. "Hey there, Bella!" a familiar voice calls out to me as I enter the door.

"Hey Jared, the usual please," I say, smiling back.

"One Venti, quad, Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte coming up," Jared calls over to the cash register. I've been coming to this Starbucks every morning since I moved in with Mike. Jared is one of the regular morning Barista's and is very familiar with my Starbucks drink preferences, which admittedly vary by season, mood and sometimes by time of day.

Grabbing my latte and heading out the side door, I get a feeling in my stomach. It's slight, but it's not dismissible. For lack of a better word, I can only describe it as a pulling feeling. It feels like there is a belt around my waist and I am being pulled in a direction- backwards in this case. I stop so suddenly that I stumble in these stupid shoes I wore today, almost falling to the ground and drop my coffee all over me and the sidewalk.

Silently kicking myself, I regain my balance after grabbing onto the outside window for support and head to my car. Too embarrassed by the scene, I just walk with my head down and my eyes straight, willing the blush to leave my face and avoiding the eyes of anyone who may have witnessed that fiasco. I unlock the door and nearly hurl myself into the driver's seat. Putting my coffee into the cup holder, I lean forward and put my head on the steering wheel, trying to calm my nerves.

_What was that feeling? Am I sick? And why did I wear these stupid shoes?_

Staggering into work and still a little jostled, I try and avoid as many people as possible. Reaching my desk, I throw my bag on my chair and nearly drop my coffee in the process. _This is turning out to be such a great day_. Thank God today is Thursday and the weekend is right around the corner. Just as I'm about to sit down, I hear a familiar ring and pick up my phone. _Alice_.

"Yes?" I answer the phone, trying to be pleasant. I already know how this is going to progress.

"Bella, describe your ensemble..." Alice states.

With a sigh, I start the list. "The black knee length, knit skirt with gray cutouts along my left thigh, my mohair blend..."

"Bella," Alice cuts me off mid-sweater description, "what happened this morning?"

_Crap_. She always knows. After all these years, I still don't understand how. I didn't even get to tell her about the shoes.

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**A/N: I know this chapter is kind of boring, but I needed to get some Bella life details in there and out of the way.**

**Songs for this chapter  
**_Coffee Girl- The Tragically Hip  
More Than A Feeling- Boston_

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**


	5. Ch 04: Omniscience

**A/N: **

**Special thanks to cclore, once again. The Mike jealousy bit was her brilliant idea. And thanks for catching my lack of commas! And without her, this chapter would have no title. PhoenixMP3 you make my common comma mistakes disappear!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward. **

**And let's continue...**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 4: Omniscience**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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I walk into Starbucks and in typical Edward fashion, I smile at the regular people I see there every morning. As I let go of the door handle, I feel a twitch internally. I can't be sure where the twitchy feeling is coming from. It is so sudden that I can't even be sure I actually feel it or if it is just a figment of my imagination. Perhaps I pushed myself too hard on my run this morning and my stomach is just hungry. Oh well. Brushing the feeling off, I proceed to the register and grab a banana to go with my coffee.

"Hey there, Edward." Kim, the morning cashier, greets me as she sees me approach the counter. "Having the usual this morning?"

I don't even bother to respond, I just smile at her and watch her fumble with the touch screen while she keys in my order and jots the details down on the side of the white cup, placing it in the beverage line. She thanks me for coming into Starbucks with a waver in her voice and it confuses me. She was smiling five seconds ago and now she seems nervous. I look away from her and I can see the manager from the corner of my eye with a small scowl on her face. I give her a slight smile which she quickly returns. _Oh, a turf war_. I turn back to Kim and give her a smile, making sure to drop a tip in the jar next to the bananas.

I reach the Barista counter just as my beverage is being put down and smile to myself when I see there is also a phone number listed near the bottom just below the drink sleeve. On my way out the door, I turn around to push the door open with my back and glance at Kim, the cashier, and see her smiling at me. I also catch a glimpse of her manager behind her smiling in my direction. I flash a lazy smile at them and they both grin in response. Chuckling to myself, I turn around to head out the door. _I'm pretty sure this is Kim's number since I never saw her manager handle the cup. _

I walk the few blocks back to my place feeling a little bit more relaxed after my run and flirting with the girls at Starbucks. _They_ say smiling releases endorphins and I definitely believe that shit. Stepping out of the elevator and into my apartment, I stroll to the living room and pick up the remote that controls the sound to turn on music. After a few clicks, music starts to filter through my place as I get ready for the day. Today Emmet, Jasper, and I will be hearing this new band Jasper is excited about and wants to play at Eclipse, _Steal Tease_.

Usually, there is not an issue between the three of us when it comes to picking bands to play. Emmett is a bass kind of guy, Jasper likes the alternarock a lot, and I pretty much go for anything. Though as a general rule, I don't care much for country music and neither do they. I guess you can say I have an eclectic taste in my music. However, there have been a few times where there have been problems. One time in particular, we let Emmett pick a band without Jasper or I agreeing on it. I can't remember now, but I think we were both out of town when the band was available. What a fucking disaster that turned out to be. It turned out to be this over-poppy, over-sexed, barely dressed, over-processed group of girls that could not do anything but shake their asses everywhere. In another establishment, I'd be all for it. Not at Eclipse; we have higher standards. Sometimes Emmett can't get his head out of his pants. It was an embarrassing shit show. And to make it worse, the contract we signed with them had them opted out for three more goddamn performances. We could not stomach one more fucking night, so we just bought out their contract and cut that shit short. Ever since then, everyone has to preview new bands and it has to be a majority vote to contract anyone. Luckily, there are three of us so it's a small majority. But like I already said, it's rare that we don't all agree.

Crossing my apartment, I go out to my balcony and lean against the bar while I drink my coffee and eat my banana. My mind drifts back to the girls at Starbucks. They are almost polar opposites of one another. Kim is short with very blonde hair and big brown eyes. The manager, whose name I may have to get later, is taller by several inches, has almost raven black hair, blue eyes, and is much paler. Generally speaking, I don't really have a "type." I guess if I had to classify it, I'd say my type is "female." Chuckling to myself, I try to decide if I am actually going to call whoever put the number on my cup. I'm not interested in a long-term relationship so when I end it, it could ruin my entire Starbucks experience, depending on how the girl takes it. I'm really just having fun, enjoying my life. Why ruin it?

With my coffee finished, I push myself off the railing and head back inside. Stopping in the kitchen, I place the empty cup on the counter and continue into my bedroom. I haven't decided if I'm going to call the number or not, so I'll just leave it on the counter for now. Tossing my sweat soaked running clothes into the hamper, I continue to the bathroom, turning on the shower head to let the water warm up. It's not winter yet, so it doesn't take very long and I hop into the shower, breathing a sigh of relief as the hot water runs over my muscles. This is quite possibly my favorite part of the day. It's fucking euphoria to feel the heat of the water soothe my muscles that are tired from my morning run and have started to tense up. Leaning my head against the cool wall, it's a nice contrast on my face compared to the piping hot water easing my muscles. I must have fallen asleep standing there with the cool on my face and the heat on my back because the next thing I know, the water is ice cold. I'm pretty sure I have never jumped out of the shower so quickly in my life. The feeling of the cold water definitely wakes me up.

Today is pretty laid back, so I just throw on some jeans over my boxer briefs, a t-shirt, and a pair of black boots. I check my appearance in the mirror and notice that my hair is still wet, so it isn't as unruly as usual, but that won't last long. Heading out into the foyer, I grab my shit and head out the door to my car.

I get to Eclipse a little before ten and park my car as Seth is not due for several more hours, so valet is not open. When I enter the building, Jasper is already there sitting at the bar, staring off into space. I'm not even sure he hears me come in.

"Hey," I call to him from a distance so I don't freak him out by just appearing out of nowhere. He doesn't jump but looks over at me walking towards him. I can see it in his face that he is deep in thought and is slightly surprised by hearing my voice.

"What time did you get in?"

"Uh, about twenty minutes ago, give or take. I was up and traffic was light," he says, nodding towards the door as Emmett strolls in looking like shit.

"Hard night?" I ask, not sure if I want to know the answer.

"Yeah, man. I was on the phone with Rose most of the night. I'd say it was h-a-r-d," he says, dragging out the last word.

"Fuck, Em. That's my sister. Please keep that kind of shit to yourself," I shout. I have no problem with them as a couple, but I really cannot bear to hear about their sex life. Rose and I lived in the same house growing up. I've heard her and Emmett when we were younger going at it. It's fucking disturbing how voracious they are. I can only imagine what it's like now with more experience and shit.

We just kind of sit around the bar, shooting the shit and doing random things. Twice I have to stop Emmett from reliving his phone sex episode with Rosalie while I am checking the liquor levels behind the bar. Jasper interjects his little two cents every so often, but Emmett really does most of the talking. It amazes me the amount of energy he has.

"So Jazz, what time are we seeing this band again?" Emmett asked.

"Huh? What?" Jasper is clearly still wrapped in his own mind. When he gets like this, it's best to just let him ride it out. If he wants to let us know what's going on, he will.

"Two," I said and turn to walk upstairs. It is a little after 11:30 and I have some more stuff to do before we see the band. I see Emmett come upstairs about an hour later and go into his office and shut the door. Then I hear his booming voice, even through the thick walls. "Hey babe...yeah, I've got about an hour or so..."

"Goddammit! Didn't you just get off?" I shout down the hall, and I can hear Emmett laughing. I know he hears me. I get up and shut my door and go back to my desk to surf the Internet. I am not in the mood to double check the calendar now. I am both annoyed and amused at the situation, but the fact that I practically did not sleep last night and that I am tired is not helping matters. All of a sudden I have the urge to look up dreams on the Internet. I wish I can look up my own dreams, but I can't remember them once I wake up. I just know I am having restless sleep, but when I wake up, poof, the dreams are gone. An odd sense of familiarity lingers after. An hour of mindless Internet browsing must have passed because I hear Emmett open his door and head downstairs. Turning back to the screen to finish what I am doing, I hear my phone chirp to let me know I have a text.

_"Just because you aren't getting off regularly, doesn't mean the rest of us can't."_ It's a text from Rose.

"Fuck you! I get off regularly enough. Thanks," I text her back, making a mental note to call the number on the Starbucks later.

It is getting closer to two, so I head downstairs to be around when _Steel Tease_ shows up. On my way down the stairs I hear a female's voice and then a very musical laugh. I know immediately who is downstairs.

"Alice Brandon!" I call when I round the corner and see all of her less than five-foot frame standing at the bar. Curiously, Jasper is now behind the bar. "How the hell are you? What brings you here?" I ask her. If it were any other girl, I'd say she has a date or something with the way she is dressed, but this is Alice. She always looks like that.

"Hey, Edward, how are you?" she asks, walking over to me and wrapping her tiny arms around mine to give me a friendly hug. She lets go of my arms and then steps back to appraise my appearance. "Young, Rich, Sexy, & Free?" she questions, quirking an eyebrow at my t-shirt.

"What? It's fucking true. No point in denying it," I say, clearly amused by her appraisal.

"You look good Edward. You always have, but seriously?" she asks, gesturing at my shirt.

I just laugh at her and pull her into my arms, flinging her tiny body in a circle, making Alice giggle like a kid on a carousel ride. I stop when I hear Jasper clear his throat from behind the bar. Putting Alice down and looking up, I just laugh at his expression. He is looking at me like he is going to punch me in the balls or something. Jasper always gets like that about Alice, but he never does anything about it.

I've watched the two of them play cat and mouse with each other for the better part of my life; Jasper is the mouse. I continue to laugh as I walk to the bar to make myself a drink. Standing there, I take a Gibraltar Rock Glass and toss some ice in, lace it with the Grey Goose Le Citron I already have in my hand, top it with tonic water and toss in a lime. "Anyone else want a drink?" I ask to the other people in the room. Neither Alice nor Jasper respond. They are just standing there looking at each other, but it looks like they are looking through each other.

"I'll have a drink man. Serve it up," Emmett calls as he comes in from the kitchen area. As he reaches the bar, he stops when he sees Alice. Then he nearly stumbles when he sees whatever silent exchange is going on between Alice and Jasper. He looks at me and I just shrug my shoulders. I'll be damned if I have any fucking clue what's going on. I pour Emmett a drink and we just stand there. Then there is a knock on the door. I guess the knock is more jarring than Emmett and me fucking standing there in awkward silence because all of a sudden, Jasper and Alice are animated. It is the weirdest fucking thing.

Jasper walks over to the door and opens it up to see the band he is so excited to preview, but clearly had forgotten about, standing at the door. "Hey guys, pull around back and you can bring your gear in, and we can get started," Jasper tells them, suddenly snapping back to reality.

Emmett and Jasper go towards the back to help the band and I am standing there with Alice, finishing my drink. "What the fuck was that, Alice?"

Alice just looks at me and smiles. "It's time, Edward."

That is all she says before she picks up her stuff and walks out the side door. I don't know why, but I have a sudden chill run through my body as she says those words and just looks at me. Running my fingers through my hair, I walk towards the back to help the guys out.

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**A/N:**  
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_**Steal Tease **_**is made up. But doesn't it sound great?**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	6. Ch 05: Hindsight

**A/N: **

**cclore and PhoenixMP3 *mwah***

**Warning: This chapter is not pleasant, but it is very necessary. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 5: Hindsight**

**Bella Swan POV**

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Flowers, kisses, gifts, and affection. This is what I experienced when I moved in with Mike. Moving in with Mike proved to be far less of an issue than I made it out to be at first. I was nervous in the beginning. I didn't know what to expect or what would be expected of me. Sure, I guess theoretically I could have asked. But that would have been a disaster. I would have stumbled all over myself trying to get out the words, looking like a child, unsure of herself, instead of a twenty-two year old woman. The only other man I have lived with since my childhood was Mr. Brandon, and that relationship is purely paternal. In actuality, that is a limited relationship as well. Mr. Brandon is and always has been very busy and often spent time away from home. When he was around, he never treated me like anything less than one of the family, like his second daughter. He is always gracious and considerate even when he feels outnumbered by being the only man in the group. Still, that relationship could not possibly have prepared me for moving in with my boyfriend.

In the beginning, Mike was relentless in pursuing me. Truth be told, I wasn't playing hard to get because I had no idea what I was doing at all. But I guess whatever I was doing, I did it right. Throughout his pursuit, things would happen. Like there would be flowers upon flowers on my doorstep when I came home from classes or the library where I worked and spent most of my time at, when not working. He would leave notes on the windshield of my car. Notes that said things such as, "I love watching you read. You're so cute, biting your nails, all absorbed in the story," or "The smell of books makes me think of you."

When we got together, the flowers only lessened in amount but not frequency and the notes never stopped. He would also come by when I would be in the library studying and place soft kisses on my neck and mouth. When he graduated and left, the flowers still didn't stop coming. The kisses were less, but they didn't stop either, and that was simply a proximity issue. How was he supposed to kiss me when he was not physically present? But he would visit me and I would visit him and there were kisses then. In lieu of kisses and notes, the gifts increased. The gifts were my least favorite part. I would have gladly traded in every single gift for less anxious situations, like notes on my windshield. Even kissing didn't cause as much anxiety as presents. Mike would send me expensive gifts like jewelry, to smaller ones like a cheesy stuffed animal. It didn't matter what the gift was; I always felt a well of anxiety when I would see the package on the kitchen counter or sitting on my bed.

One day, I came home from my English Literature in the 20th Century: The Death of the Art of Writing class to find a square red envelope on my pillow. When I opened the envelope, it was a burned CD from Mike with the note, "Thinking of You- Mike" scrawled on a note card. I popped the CD into the system Alice had elaborately set up in the living room of our college apartment and listened to it. Being honest with myself, I didn't really like most of the songs and I could not figure out how they related to me at all: _Barracuda, Summer Girls,__ Swallowed, Your Body is a Wonderland, Crazy For This Girl, Material Girl, Clumsy_ (okay, maybe the title of that one related to me, but not the lyrics)... but I guess it was the thought that counted, right? To want and be wanted...

Tonight, we are sitting on the couch. Me with my book and Mike with the remote, mindlessly watching TV as we do most nights now. The shadows being cast into the living room as the sun is setting are a clear indication that summer is fading and autumn is starting to settle around us a the daylight hours are decreasing. It has been nearly five months since I moved in with Mike, and in that span of time lays the deterioration of our relationship. I can't say whether there was an exact moment when I noticed what was happening. I have never experienced or witnessed something like this before, so the signs would not have been clear to me. But lately, certain things are obvious, even to me. When we first got together in college, he always touched me; a hand on my back, a rub of my knee. There was always a connection in some way. Now, there is almost always room for someone between us; room for a whole other person. Now, we sit here and he changes the channel as I turn a page on the book I am reviewing, **Leftovers: Making Meals Out of Scraps**. Contemplating this, I let out a soft sigh.

We never go out anymore either.

When I first moved to Seattle, Mike took me out almost every night. I thought I would pass out from all the excitement, but I actually enjoyed it so much. Sometimes it was just the two of us, other times it was with friends, co-workers, or clients of his. If I look back at that time, I could probably say we were out four to five nights a week. And then there were times we were out every night. Mike is a very social guy and he makes his living on being personable. It's a stark contrast to my naturally shy and inhibited nature, but Mike always grabs the attention on him, so that makes it somewhat easier for me. Mike's penchant for being the center of attention creates a way for me to slink behind and observe.

At this point in our relationship, the only time he takes me out is when he has something work related. Almost like he only needs me to be on his arm for appearance's sake. But that can't be the case right? I'm sure I am over thinking it. Just like I over think everything.

The last time we went out as a couple, no business involved, was with Alice and the newly minted Demitri, and that night did not end well. Alice and Mike have never really got along. Who am I kidding? They can't stand each other. Alice does not trust Mike and she thinks I am too good for him. Alice doesn't know that Mike is too good for me, that I am lucky someone like Mike can ever show any interest in someone like me at all. Not that he's perfect, but he pays attention to me when most guys just keep walking.

Mike always calls Alice a "lesbian," saying that she just wants to keep me to herself. I think he says it just to goad her. Either way, Mike is wrong. Alice is my best friend and like a sister to me. She is the most selfless person I know, giving me so much and never asking for anything in return. She's been with me through every part of my life, from the saddest moments to the rare happy ones.

Once, when I was in college, Mike had come over to the apartment while Alice and I were watching _Mrs. Doubtfire_, a childhood favorite for both of us. It was supposed to be just me and Alice hanging out, but of course with Alice, you can't just watch a movie. She turns it into an event. In the spirit of the movie, Alice told me I was to don my super fluffy bathrobe (a gift from Mrs. Brandon on a return trip from Paris) and meet her in the living room. I met Alice in the living room and she immediately set to work putting gigantic purple rollers in my hair and slopping some mint smelling goop onto my face. Once she was done with me, she put the same goop on her face. She then did something different to her hair. It looked like she applied a leave-in conditioner followed by some kind of plastic cap. Then we settled onto the couch with fruity, frozen beverages complete with little umbrellas and a spread of popcorn, fruit and chocolate on the coffee table. "We'll do mani/pedis later," Alice chimed in and I groaned in response, clearly showing my lack of enthusiasm at the plan.

About halfway into the movie, when Mrs. Doubtfire was trying to hide her face in a cake to avoid recognition by unexpected visitors, our doorbell rang. Alice and I both looked at each other in shock since neither of us was expecting anyone. I watched as Alice bounded up from the couch, glided towards the door and looked through the window on the side. It never ceases to amaze me how graceful she is.

Two things happened at once; she threw an angry look in my direction and my body tensed immediately. Alice opened the door and before she could even get the door all the way open, Mike had forced his way in. "Hey, Baby," he called out to me, seeing me on the couch. He gave me a disgusted look, clearly because of the stuff on my face. Then he came and sat next to me and when Alice came back to the room, she sat on the chaise on the other side. Mike stayed for the rest of the movie, and the tension in the room was palpable. When the movie was over, Mike grabbed my hand and led me to the stairs.

"Mike," I started, "Alice and I had plans for the rest of the night." Mike stopped and looked back to me and then over to Alice. He just grinned and then continued to take me upstairs.

"It's okay, Bella," Alice's voice rang out, so soothing, "we can do the mani/pedi's tomorrow."

I turned around to look at Alice and mouthed, "sorry." Alice looked up at me and the look on her face did not match the even tone of her voice. The look on her face was one I wasn't familiar with. Alice was scared.

No matter how hard I try, I can never get the two of them to get along.

The last time we went out, a little over a month ago, I thought for sure Alice was going to leap across the table and rip Mike's head off. At the beginning of the night, I was already nervous before we got to the restaurant. When Alice and Mike were involved, you never knew what to expect. When we got to the restaurant, Alice and Demitri were already there. I immediately apologized, explaining that Mike was running late. When he squeezed my hand a little too hard, I winced. Alice must have noticed because she cleared her throat, and Mike dropped my hand like a hot potato. I could feel the anger radiate off of him, but I could also sense another emotion. I looked up to meet his gaze, but I wasn't sure what it was. Guilt? Fear? Too small and too hard to place. As dinner progressed, my nerves were getting the best of me.

Mike rested his hand on my knee, pushing back my dress, and I could feel the blush creeping to my face. I could only imagine where his hand was going and I wasn't sure if I wanted it or not. Even though I have never really been one for PDA, I was annoyed by my ambivalence. This was my boyfriend. I should be excited by his touch, but I guess my nerves were winning. Again, Alice cleared her throat loudly, bringing me back from my self-berating thoughts. "Do you have a problem, Alice?" Mike's voice rang through the restaurant with a forced tone.

At the sound of Mike's voice, Demitri went to say something when Alice cut him off, "No Mike. I'm fine. Perhaps there is something wrong with you?"

I don't know how she did it, but she sounded so sweet. I glanced over to her without totally turning my head and gave her a weak smile as to say, "sorry" or perhaps pleading with her not to make a big deal of this. She smiled back, her smile equally weak and not reaching her eyes, telling me nothing.

I'm not usually a drinker, but I kept ordering refills of whatever generic, red table wine Mike had ordered, hoping it would calm my nerves. It didn't. I had drank so much of it that I was sure my mouth was entirely a deep shade of red and my taste buds were coated with the subtle currant flavor.

At some point during the dinner, I knocked my fork off of my plate onto the floor and in a rush to pick it up, I also knocked my wine glass over. "Fuck, Bella!" Mike snapped. "Watch what you're doing!" I stared at him for a moment before shielding my face behind my hair. "Sorry, Mike. I can be such a klutz."

I thought for sure that Alice was going to kill him. I didn't see her get out of her seat, but she was standing next to Mike on the edge of the booth. She is so small that she was just taller than him while he was seated. "Don't talk to her like that you fucking asshole. Can't you see she's nervous? You're making her uncomfortable," Alice's voice began to rise an octave. It caught me off guard. I'm almost positive I have heard Alice use major swear words less than ten times in my life.

"I'm fine, Alice. Really," I told her, trying to get her to calm down. Sure, Alice was high energy, but it was usually headed in a positive direction. Angry Alice was never a good sign.

"No, Bella. You are not fine. I can't stand the way he treats you," Alice stated, never taking her eyes off of Mike.

Mike's face changed into a grin and I knew this was not going to be good. I could feel the overwhelming sense of cockiness oozing off of him. "Look, Bella, your wannabe lesbian lover thinks she can treat you better than I can."

I saw the fury rise in Alice's face and just before she could react, Demitri already had her by the waist and was pulling her out of the restaurant. As they reached the door, I watched my best friend, my sister, be thrown over Demitri's shoulder. Alice was screaming at Demitri to put her down. "Put me down! Put me down! I swear to God, Demetri, if you do not let me go..." her voice trailed off the farther they got from the table. Alice and I made eye contact as they reached the front door and I saw the pain, anger and disappointment on her face.

At that moment, I just wanted to die. For over a month, I avoided my best friend. It was too much to deal with at once. We had spoken, but only briefly. I'm sure she sensed that I needed some space, and she never pushed the issue. We recently started to be normal again, but I still had that night tucked away in my mind. And although Alice has never mentioned it again, it still hangs in the air between us. At least for me.

Mike and I drove home in silence. His grip was tight on the steering wheel and he had an eerie smirk on his face. I hid my blushing face behind my hair, trying to hold back the tears. The tension in the car was so thick that it would take a steady hand with a strong knife to cut through it. I looked down at my hands and saw that I was fidgeting with the hemline of my dress. I must have been pulling on it pretty hard because it had started to unravel and tiny threads were exposed everywhere. Alice would be appalled. At the thought of Alice, I felt a surge of pain swell in my chest, and I almost choked on the cry that rose in my throat. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mike snap his head in my direction. I made sure to remain very still and keep my gaze pointed towards the window in hopes that he wouldn't notice how stressed out I was.

Out of the elevator and down the hallway, Mike was a few steps ahead of me and I noticed the determination in his gait. I guess he was just as anxious to get home as I was. We walked into the apartment, both of us still silent. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Even after all of that wine at dinner, my throat was parched. I assumed Mike went to the bedroom or bathroom, as he turned right down the hall instead of following me to the kitchen. A very slight sense of relief came over me as his departure from my immediate vicinity took some of the tension away. My jarred nerves from the evening had not subsided though. I grabbed a glass from the cabinet with shaky hands, willing myself not to drop it and create any more problems. After filling my glass, I stood over the sink, guzzling the water; some of it slid out of the corners of my mouth, down my jaw, dropping onto my chest. I placed the glass in the dishwasher with the rest of the dishes and turned it on to run at night while we slept.

As I turned around, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Mike standing there. Watching me. I noticed that his fists were clenched by his side. I stood in the kitchen looking at him, wondering what he was thinking. Was he upset? Was he happy? Before I could complete my thoughts, Mike crossed the kitchen, passed the table, the fridge and around the island in the middle to reach me at the sink. I could not have blinked more than once in the time it took him to cross the kitchen and reach me. Snaking his arms around my waist, he pulled me into him for a kiss.

The kiss was light at first, then it turned hard. I could feel his lips crushing mine and it almost hurt. Mike pulled me away from the sink and we stumbled from the kitchen. I was still in my heels, and the way he was pushing against my body and holding my waist, left only my toes on the floor, making it hard to walk on my own. We crashed through the bedroom door and he started to undress me, his lips never leaving mine. He pulled down the zipper of my dress and unhooked my bra, all the while still kissing me.

I could feel the urgency in his movements and it was making me kind of anxious. He broke the kiss to undress himself while I pulled off my panties and laid on the bed. I pushed the anxiety aside. Mike joined me in bed naked. As he crawled across the bed, his lips found mine once again, crashing into them like ocean water into a rock. I moaned at the pressure. When I opened my eyes, I could see the grin in Mike's eyes. The want, the lust was all present and daring to burn a hole right through me. There was something else, something I didn't recognize. I closed my eyes and let him continue to kiss me, down my neck, over my breasts, down my stomach and back to my lips. Mike rolled over so that he was hanging over me, his body positioned between my legs. He leaned down, searched for my lips, and pushed his tongue into my mouth while beseeching entrance. As I opened my mouth to allow his tongue to reach mine, he thrust hard and eliminated any space between us. I felt myself gasp for air at the force.

That night, I had the roughest sex of my life.

Everything is different now. No more flowers, kisses, gifts and affection.

In retrospect, I should have seen it coming.

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**A/N: There was just no way in hell I was going to be able to write a full sex scene between Mike & Bella...this time...Sorry.**

**Did you survive? Do you hate me right now?**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	7. Ch 06: Fusion

**A/N: As always, thanks to my wonderful friends cclore and PhoenixMP3 or the hard work proofing my random ramblings. I think they get called "Beta's" right? *wink***

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 6: Fusion**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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"Hey, bro. Want a beer?" Emmett calls out as he sees me coming up the walkway towards him and Jasper. More like a statement than a question as a bottle of Sam Summer, the only beer that I will drink by choice, is already waiting for me when I reach the entrance to the garage that Emmett uses to house all of his car projects.

"Thanks," I reply as I pick up the bottle and take a long swig from the neck. Jasper is already halfway through his bottle. "So, what are we looking at here?" I ask, looking over the mangled mess that is in front of the three of us.

"It's a 1959 Chevy Corvette," Emmett says in an awe filled voice, clearly taken with the heap of metal in front of us. All three of us love cars. Love to look at them. Love to buy them. Love to fix them up. It's something we bonded over growing up. But for Emmett, heir to the McCarty Motors name, cars are in his blood. They are a part of him.

"Wow, Rose would fucking die over this," I state, actually imagining what the car might look like when it's done as I lift the cold beer to my lips.

"I know. It's for Rose," Emmett says almost timidly, looking up at me. As our eyes meet, I can see nothing but the love he has for my sister. It touches me and freaks me out at the same time.

"Ok, dude. What-the-fuck-ever," I say with a chuckle while both Jasper and Emmett fall out laughing.

"What color?" Jasper asks with a smug grin.

"What the fuck color do you think asshole? Red of course. Red for Rose," Emmett bellows. Again, laughter fills the garage. The look Jasper gives me lets me know that he knows the answer, he just wants to get a reaction out of Emmett.

After the laughter subsides, we walk over to the computer located on the side of the garage. Emmett shows us his plan to get the car done along with all the parts that he has already ordered. Most of it he will be able to do himself or with our assistance. A few things will have to be contracted out, probably by McCarty Motors. A 283/230 H.P. Corvette V8 engine, WSW tires, cocaine white Corinthian leather seats with red stitching, Berber black carpet on the floor, bubble headlights, an iPod dock (to make it modern) and a convertible top "to allow her blonde hair to blow in the wind." Those are Emmett's words, not mine. I just roll my eyes. He figures it will take no less than six months to get the car up to Rose's standards if everything goes according to plan.

"I plan on proposing with it," he says, looking at me. "Is that cool, bro?"

He should know by now that I already approve of this relationship, so I don't even know why he's being all dramatic and shit. But I'll bite. "Yeah, bro. If you think you can handle that beast, then go ahead. But if you _think_ you can do it without a ring, you're crazy."

"Dude! I'm not insane. There will be a ring," Emmett replies. Again, laughter erupts in the garage.

"Well, I hope so. Because car or no car, if you try to propose to Rosalie Lillian Cullen without a ring, you might as well kiss that shit goodbye," Jasper inserts, finally offering his two cents.

I chuckle, "Do you remember that guy...uhm...Stefan Romania? When he tried to attract Rose's attention and he sent her carnations?" Both Emmett and Jasper are doubled over in laughter.

"Yeah," Jasper says, barely able to breathe. "He couldn't walk right for a week and he has a permanent scar over his left eye. Everyone knows that the rose is Rosalie's favorite flower," he continues, still laughing. The three of us just keep laughing at the hilariousness of the situation.

"And even if it wasn't a widely known fact, it's her fucking name. Come on!" I say, out of breath from the laughter.

My family is wealthy and we are accustomed to a certain standard of living, but Rose is downright maniacal about the shit. She knows what she wants, how she wants it and gets it every single time. I blame Carlisle. Since Rose is his only daughter, she has him wrapped around her perfectly manicured little finger.

Eventually the hysterics subside, so we sit around shooting the shit, kicking back some beers and enjoying the cooler air that accompanies fall. Jasper pulls out his green and some papers and it's obvious we're all about to settle into a relaxed evening. Not like Jasper actually needs it. This is all pretty much typical behavior for the three of us when we are together.

_I met Emmett about ten years ago, when I was fifteen. It was a very cold winter night. There was a storm of epic proportions- even for Forks. Jasper was already at my house and my mom made us beef stew. We had just finished dinner and were about to run off and play pool, a video game or surf porn on the Internet (who knows now), when we were stopped in our tracks. There was a screech and a loud bang outside sounding like a crash. Jasper and I ran to the front door with my mother calling for us to stop as Garrett and my dad appeared in the hallway to see what the commotion was. I was faster; I made it to the door first. I threw the front door open and I wasn't sure what to make of the scene in front of me. There was snow for days, endless white powder flying and swirling around and it was so cold. I felt the frozen night air smack my face as the door opened, but the heat rising in my body quickly absorbed it. There was also a heap of smoking metal practically seared to the stone post at the end of our long driveway. I flew through the door to get a closer look, again completely ignoring my mother's cries about the temperature and getting sick and something about shoes. Jasper was right on my tail and he made it to my side a few seconds after I stopped. It was a car and it was smoking. There was someone inside and he was not moving. _

_Completely unsure of what to do, I moved over to the car to see if I could get a closer look. I had only taken two steps when I felt a hand grab my shoulder to hold me back. I turned up my face to see the concerned look of my father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. As I saw his face, I noticed his look of concern for me turn to complete professionalism. "Stand back son," he stated, as Jasper and I moved to the side, but kept the metal mess in our sight. He knew there was no way I was going back inside and missing this. _

_I could feel the snowflakes falling onto my hair and mixing with the sweat that now covered my body from the run down the driveway. "Shit. Mom is going to kill me if I get sick," I thought briefly. My thoughts shifted back to the matter at hand as I saw my capable father, Garrett, and Alistair move towards the car. _

_I could hear my mother on the phone standing by the front door, "...there's a car. Yes, a driver is inside. He must have skidded on the ice. No, he does not appear to be moving. Yes, I realize there is a raging storm. Please get here safely, but as soon as possible." _

_Turning my attention back to the heap of metal, I could see they now had the door open and the car was hissing. "We need to remove him carefully," Carlisle was saying. "Don't jostle his head. Until we get him inside so I can examine him, I won't know the extent of his injuries." Swiftly and carefully, the three men lifted the large guy from the car and carried him toward the house. I looked on at the scene before me._

_"Shit! That dude is huge!" Jasper said, standing next to me._

_"Yeah," was all I could say. I was stunned._

_"Edward, Jasper, grab my bag and bring it to the house," my dad called out to us. We promptly did as we were told and hurried behind the adults into the house. When we entered the house, my mother and Kate had already put up a hospital style bed in the living room and had started to set up necessary amenities. After setting the person on the bed, Carlisle ran down a list of things he would need to take care of him. _

_Jasper and I stood off to the side and watched the seamless movements of everyone who was taking care of this injured stranger. I watched in awe as my father, who is my hero, helped this person he did not know. This person who crashed into his property. And without the full service of a hospital. By now, my mother had wrapped Jasper and I in blankets to help trap the warmth, all the while insisting that we change into dry clothes._

_"What the hell is going on?" Rose hollered, as she appeared at the top of the stairs. No one answered her and not one to be ignored, Rose stormed down the stairs to see for herself. The organized hustle before her stopped her from one of her regular rants about God knows what. From the mask on her face and the things on her toes, I assumed she was doing one of her girly routines again. I just had to roll my eyes. "What is going on Edward?" she asked with a pointed attitude. _

_"Someone hit the stone at the end of the driveway, and dad is rescuing him. Can't you see Rose or are your eyes covered by that shit on your face?" Rosalie stormed off in a huff, and Jasper gave me a small high five as her back was turned. _

_"Be nice boys," Esme called from the kitchen. _

_"Fuck, she always does that." I whispered to Jazz. _

_"Edward, watch your language!" her voice rang out again._

_"Again!" I sighed. Jazz just laughed._

_When I turned back to my dad, the stranger was all hooked up to monitors and the hurried pace seemed to have quieted down some. Alistair was looking through the stranger's bag and pockets. Probably looking for ID or an address or something. "Aha," Alistair called out, "I found a wallet in his jacket. Emmett McCarty," he proclaimed, like he had found a buried treasure._

_"That's a new guy at school, dad," I piped up. "I think he just transferred from Tennessee or something. He's a year ahead of me; the same year as Rose."_

_"Thanks, son. That is very helpful," Carlisle said, turning to smile at me._

_When Emmett was conscious, he didn't seem to mind my mother's attempts to feed him. The storm was still raging outside and we couldn't get him home and no one could come get him. Carlisle and Esme called his parents. Carlisle delivered the medical diagnosis for Emmett: concussion, head wound, a couple of broken ribs and bruising. He also got the medical history of the family so he would be able to counter any eventuality while treating him. Esme delivered the more motherly news. News about how he was being taken care of. As well as gleaning information from Emmett's mother about what he likes and other motherly details. You know, like how to do his laundry and shit. During the storm Jasper was at my house the whole time. Esme also called his mother to let Charlotte know Jasper was safe. _

_On day three of "Emmett Watch," as it became known in my house, he seemed to be feeling much better as he was audibly laughing at just about everything. Who could miss that booming laughter? I swear it rang all the way through the house to the attic. I thought I saw Esme cringe when the chandelier in the dining room shook at one point. Jasper and I came into the living room where his medical area was set up and he let out a hardy laugh followed by a large grin. When he saw us enter the room, he said, "Hey boys, what's going on?" _

_Jasper and I just looked at each other. "Nothing," we said at the same time. _

_Apparently, Emmett found us amusing and he let out another laugh. "Well, come on. I'm the new guy in town, so tell me what's good around here. Give me the details on the locale," he said with extra emphasis on "locale." _

_Now it was our turn to laugh. "Dude, did you really just say 'locale'?" Jasper asked while still laughing. Emmett's laughter was contagious and we found ourselves laughing a lot. _

_On day four, Emmett was removed from his place in the living room and placed in one of the guest rooms to wade it out until the roads were safe for driving. It was on day four that Emmett made Rose's acquaintance. During a round of pool, Rose sauntered into the game room with all of her femaleness on display. Jazz and I heard the click-clack of her heels before she was even on the same floor. Before she got to the room, we just looked at each other, waiting for the spectacle that was sure to follow. Sure enough, Rose entered the room and walked to the leather couch in the corner. Jazz and I silently counted, 3...2...1...CLANG. The clang was the sound of Emmett dropping his pool stick on the floor. I am also pretty sure that this moment was the quietest Emmett had ever been with us and still is. _

_Eventually, Emmett picked up his pool stick and we tried to play some more. Before now, he kept mopping the floor with Jazz and me, round after round. Now, he could hardly sink any of his balls in the pocket. I think about two hours passed by before Esme called us up for dinner. Rose left the Game Room first, and Jazz and I just watched as Emmett could not focus on anything else. Once Rose was gone and I couldn't hear the click-clack of her heels anymore (something I trained myself on when I was nine), Jazz and I both doubled over in laughter. When Emmett finally got his head out of the clouds, he sheepishly chuckled and threw his pool stick at us and headed upstairs._

_Emmett was at our house for four more days before the roads were clear for people to drive. And Rose had not given him one more second of her time. Jazz and I just had so much fun watching the circus play out before our eyes. She'd walk into a room and he'd say shit like, "Hi Rose," or "You look great today, Rosalie," and she'd just ignore him. In that time, we talked about girls, video games, sports, and cars. It was the cars that quickly bonded us together. _

_Esme loves having her house full of people, but everything must come to an end. Carlisle and Esme took both Jazz and Emmett to their respective houses, and I said I'd see them the next day at school. _

We've been the three musketeers ever since. By the time Emmett and Rose's senior year rolled around, Rose finally broke down and _allowed_ him to date her. I swear, their intense chemistry is unnatural. It's so passionate and fiery. Their love is so animalistic in its nature, but if you look below the surface, it's sweet and caring. They are always considerate of one another. Emmett seems rough when you first meet him, but he is a hopeless, romantic teddy bear. Rose seems like a bitch and well, she is. But her fiery attitude only spurs the love Emmett has for her. It's fucking weird. Carlisle and Esme's passion for each other is subtle, but very strong and unwavering. Emmett and Rose's passion is volcanic. Different ways to express the same emotion.

"So...," Emmett starts, breaking me out of my thoughts. I roll my eyes, assuming he is going to lay into me about some stupid shit as usual. "Jasper," my eyes snap up in surprise, "when are you going to stop being such a pussy and give in to Alice Brandon?" Jasper chokes on his puff, handing it over to me. I choke on my beer while Emmett just laughs, filling the garage with its sound. I swear I hear some of the tools rattle from the reverb.

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**A/N: **

**This is a very Emmett-centric chapter. I love Emmett and I really don't think he gets enough time. I wanted to make sure more about him was explained. **

**Thanks for reading**

**xx**


	8. Ch 07: Chasm

**A/N: As always, thanks to cclore and PhoenixMp3 for the hard work proofing this craziness. Thanks to cclore for assistance in choosing the title as well. **

**Warning: gratuitous Starbucks reference ;o)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 7: Chasm**

**Bella Swan POV**

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..._The smell of the daisies before me was powerful and overwhelming, and I couldn't help but smile to myself as I reached into the large arrangement to pick up the card. "Counting the days until you bring the sun with you to Seattle. - Mike," read the card. All at once elation and panic flooded my body. _

_"Nice sentiment," Alice stated with a wavering grin as she stood on her toes to read it over my shoulder, pulling me out of my reverie. Putting the card down on the counter, I kept a small smile as I walked over to the living room to continue packing the large book collection I had gathered over the years. With graduation behind me it was time to move forward. In less than ten days I would be in Seattle, in my new home with Mike, starting our life together_...

"Bella, Bella!" Alice is practically shouting my name, and it brings me out of my mental fog, causing me to pretty much jump out of my skin. "Good grief, Alice, could you keep it down? What is with you anyway?" I ask in a frustrated tone, taking my ear buds from my ears while I dart my eyes around Starbucks to make sure no one was staring at us.

"Sorry, Bella. I just have the best news and I knew you would be here. You're here every Sunday morning. I like the scarf by the way." I smile. _I guess she is finally rubbing off on me_.

In a silent pause that seems to take forever, I realize Alice is waiting for me to ask her what her news is. "I give up, Alice, what is it?" For a moment, I think I see a flash of annoyance or sadness in her eyes, but if I do, it's gone and is quickly replaced by excitement. Alice is always a little ball of energy, excitement, and optimism. So much so that it borders between adorable and annoying. Today, it is annoying. However, as annoying as it seems, I have not seen Alice this excited in a long time. So I am very curious to see what is causing her entire tiny frame to practically combust.

"Jasper," Alice begins, "is taking me out!" She practically screams it and I know for sure the other patrons are staring at us now. I don't even bother to look around; I am too embarrassed. Despite my mood, her excitement is practically pouring over me too.

"Really? Jasper Whitlock? _The_ Jasper Whitlock? What? How?..." I begin before she cuts me off.

"Well, I went to _Eclipse_ the other day. You know the place he owns with Emmett and Ed..."

_"Hey there, beautiful," I heard someone say behind me as my head jerked up to see who was talking. I turned around to see a very light set of blue eyes, straight blond hair, and a very wide grin._

_"A-are you talking to me?" I asked after glancing around to see whom else he may be talking to and seeing no one around me within earshot. There was a chuckle from the stranger as he made his way to my bench in the plaza by the library and sat down._

_"Michael Newton, but you can call me Mike," he said and held out his hand, still with the grin on his face._

_"Hello, Mike. I'm Bella Swan," I stated, extending my hand as a courtesy to shake his._

_"And what a beauty you are, Bella," he said, and I am almost sure I blushed. I knew full well that my name meant "beautiful" in Italian._

"Bella, are you even listening?" Alice's thoughts interrupt mine.

"What? Oh yeah. Uhm..."

"Bella," Alice begins, but stops and just looks at me. In her eyes I can see that she is hurt by my actions and she is also sad. Then she just picks up her purse, which is bigger than her, and walks out of Starbucks, leaving me there to stare at her retreating form. I simply sigh, place my ear buds back into my ears, and go back to reviewing the cookbook in front of me, **"A Guide to Cooking for the Clueless."**

I envy Alice. She has been my best friend for as long as I can recall. She is more like a sister than a friend, but I envy her in so many ways. I don't begrudge her anything like boyfriends or a pair of shoes. Those things are superficial and unimportant. She is always so optimistic, happy, and pleasant. She exudes self-confidence like no one else I know. But most importantly, she knows her destiny! She knows where she is headed. She knows the stars have aligned and that her destiny is none other than Jasper Whitlock. Jasper was two years ahead of Alice and me in high school, and he used to flirt with Alice from time to time, but only in a playful way. But Alice knew Jasper would be the person she lived out her life with. He was the end to her beginning, the last man she would sleep with regardless of what happened in between the present and the future. And as things look, it seems like she might be right about that.

These are the things I am jealous about, and I hate myself for feeling this way. It may seem like it, but I am not being a complete jerk to Alice. I did hear a good deal of what she said. After years of not-so-subtleties and allowing Jasper time to come to his senses, he finally asked Alice out. Truth be told, I am happy for her and I will apologize to her later for my behavior and give her my undivided attention as she tells me the story. After all, I do not want some other situation to come between us. Alice and I are finally back to our regular rhythm after that double date.

But right now I am lost in my own thoughts. I thought I felt that with Mike: the undeniable pull, the sense of rightness, the clear direction. But it never seemed as electric as Alice seemed to feel about Jasper. Never felt as firmly grounded and sure. Even when Jasper graduated from high school and returned to his birth state of Texas and went to college, Alice was completely confident in their intertwined destiny. Even when we were away from Forks in college and when she was off in NYC and London for design fellowships and nowhere near anything connected to Jasper; Alice just knew. Everything in her life came back to Jasper. And if I could see his side of the coin, I wouldn't be surprised if everything in his life came back to her, even if he didn't know it.

If I was honest, I probably knew in the back of my mind that Mike and I weren't right, but I always pushed the thoughts away. At the time, it was so new and fresh and exciting that I fell head first and before I knew it, things were spiraling out of control. Mike became a staple in my everyday life, almost as much as Alice. He would do things like meet me between classes and randomly show up at places he knew I would be to spend time with me. It felt so right to be loved by someone after so many years of loneliness. To be held at night by someone other than Alice when I couldn't sleep. Being with Mike had never erased the pain of the loss of my parents, but it gave me something else to focus on.

When I first met Mike he was great. He was funny, charming, playful and averagely attractive. It was exciting that he showed an interest in me when so few others had in the past. He made me laugh, which was something I did so rarely and I relished in its release. Before Mike, I never realized how much I missed out on by not ever being in relationships. When the other girls in high school were dating around, I had my head stuck in a book. In college, when other girls sat in class talking about frat parties and "Thirsty Thursdays," I would review my class notes.

Our relationship progressed quickly. With Mike I was able to start feeling a small connection to others. Up until then, my main connection had been with Alice and her family; my family. Mike is almost two years older than I am, so he graduated when I was still a junior. He stayed in the area over the summer following his graduation and into the fall semester of my senior year with a fellowship at a co-op in the city, and then was hired full-time and relocated to Seattle. At Christmas that year, I stayed in New York with Alice. She was spending the break interning at some design house while I worked on my senior research project. Mike came to visit and that is when he asked me to move to Seattle with him after I graduated. The following June, Alice returned to our hometown of Forks, WA and I went to live with Mike in his spacious apartment in Seattle. The ever-happy couple. Or so I thought.

At first, I was excited to move in with Mike. In college we seemed so compatible. Though, if I was honest, I was also scared. I had never lived with a guy before, so I didn't know what to expect. I had never lived with anyone other than Alice and her parents since I was a child. The entire situation had not turned out the way I had imagined. So when Alice bounded into Starbucks and invaded my thoughts with her happiness, I couldn't return that happiness and I couldn't tell her why.

..._"Bella, wake up. We're here," Alice cooed as I struggled to open my eyes. I looked over to my best friend to see a small smile on her face as she lovingly rubbed my shoulder. "We're here sleepyhead. You fell asleep just as we crossed into Washington and I didn't want to wake you."_

_I yawned and looked at myself in the visor mirror, chuckling at the sleep-ridden look on my face. Alice handed me a moist face wipe to wipe the sleep crust off of the side of my mouth and out of my eyes. Then she handed me a pack of Listerine strips to help with the sleep taste in my mouth. Then she shoved a warm cup of Starbucks in my hand, and I looked over to her with a wide grin. "What would I do without you, Alice?" I asked, getting teary eyed. _

_"I'm always here, Bella. You're my sister. I'm only 45 minutes and just a phone call away if you need me," Alice stated with a smile on her face that did not reach her eyes._

_A few silent moments passed and I turned to open the door handle. __As I got out of Alice's car, I began to stretch my sore muscles. They were very stiff from the long car ride between New York and Seattle. With Alice's fast driving, we made the drive in two days rather than three, even with her frequent shopping stops. When I moved to the small trunk to get my belongings that had not already been shipped, Alice joined me to offer a hand. We walked into the lobby of the ridiculously tall building, and I glanced around at the ornate and almost gaudy decorations. _

_"Good morning, ladies, may I help you?" A small man at a desk asked over the counter where he was barely visible._

_"Yes, please," Alice chirped in. "Mike Newton. He's expecting us," she stated in a flat tone, but with a twinkle in her eye. Immediately, the man at the desk pressed a button and a set of doors that were almost invisible at my first glance around the room, opened up to let us in._

_"Floor 10, door B," he stated and he smiled at Alice, who returned the smile with a slight giggle._

_As we entered the elevator, I just rolled my eyes at her and she laughed. As we arrived at floor ten and waited for the doors to open, Alice turned to me. "You don't have to go, Bella. I have plenty of space at my home." She looked at me, her eyes searching for my answer. I shook my head and turned to look at the floor, mumbling a soft "no", barely audible even to myself. _

_Alice gave a large sigh just as the doors opened. __Part of me wanted to take her up on her offer. With Alice, I knew what to expect. Moving in with her at her place would be just like living with her when we were kids or living with her throughout college. I was nervous to live with Mike because it was a new situation. But the rest of me knew I couldn't move in with Alice. I had to venture out and stop relying on her. I needed to let go of the expectation that she would always be around; drop the familiarity that I craved. I had to be brave. What would happen if she wasn't there some day? No, I had to do this._

_As we walked down the hallway, I was lost in my own thoughts. My mind started to trace the pattern of the gold thread that was ornately woven into the red carpet. Deep red, the color of blood. My right hand was fidgeting with the sleeve of my hoodie. I was so deep in thought that I didn't even realize Alice had stopped until she was calling me to turn around. "Come here, Bella. This is 'B'," she said in a defeated tone_.

_I turned around and hurried to the door, taking the key out of my pocket that Mike had mailed to me last week. I shoved it into the door. I stood there for a moment until Alice did me the favor of taking my hand in hers and twisting the key to unlock the door and push it open. Even in a subdued moment, Alice just radiated positive energy. Spurred on by her energy, I numbly walked into the spacious entrance and smiled when I saw Mike standing there with a bouquet of daisies and a huge grin. I dropped my bags and walked over to him, completely unsure of how my legs even moved. When I reached him, he looked down at me smiling. Then, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me, deeply. As the kiss broke, I turned around to look at Alice, but she was gone. Walking back to the door to pick up my bags, I heard the familiar trill of my phone, letting me know that I had a text message. "45 minutes. Be safe," was all it said. It was from Alice._

I couldn't tell Alice because Alice always knew. And I'm not sure if the proof of her knowing will hurt her worse or me.

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**A/N:**

**I promise Edward and Bella will connect soon. There is a reason behind the wait.**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	9. Ch 08: Timing

**A/N: **

**cclore and PhoenixMP3, you guys save my ass on the commas and tense issues. Grazie!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 8: Timing**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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I am fucking annoyed that I'm not going to be around tonight. _Steal Tease_, the band Jazz recommended, is going to play tonight and I'm into their sound. Plus, it is the first time Alice will be at _Eclipse_ _with_ Jasper and not just to _see_ Jasper. I'd pay to watch that shit play out. But tonight is Rose's last night in town for a while, and I actually kind of want to see my sister. I won't ever admit that to her though.

I look over at my phone to check the time and see that it's 8:40. I'm supposed to be meeting Rose in twenty minutes across the city at _Dolcezza. _I close up what I am working on and walk out of my office, making sure to lock it behind me. _Eclipse_ is a safe place, but you can't always watch everyone and it gets pretty packed at night. So better safe than sorry. I head downstairs and bump into Jazz as I move towards the door. He gives me a head nod as I walk across the floor and I just shrug in return. I've been fucking mad all day knowing I was going to miss the show.

"Don't keep my woman out too late," Emmett calls at me as I hit the front door. "I don't want her to be tired tonight when she gets home," he finishes with a perverted grin and an eyebrow wiggle.

"Bro, did you just wiggle your eyebrows at me? That's just fucking weird," I call back to him as I push through the door, a disgusted shiver running over my body. As the door closes behind me, I can still hear Emmett's booming laughter.

"Car's all set, sir," Seth says, handing me my keys.

I grin seeing my car sitting there waiting for me, shining in the moonlight and passing headlights. "Seth, how many times do we have to go over this? Can't you just call me Edward? You don't just work for me; we're friends."

"Yeah, I know we're friends, but how many times do I have to tell you, _Sir_? Outside of work, you're Edward. At work, you're sir," Seth retorts with a smirk.

I just smirk back and head to the driver's side door with a chuckle. As I open the door and slide into the driver's seat, feeling the leather curl around my body, I feel like I'm all of a sudden cemented in my spot right from my core. _Too much caffeine, not enough food_. After a moment, my head is clear and I pull away from the curb, glancing at the clock. 8:50. Ten minutes to make it to _Dolcezza_ to meet Rose. _Plenty of time_.

I arrive at _Dolcezza_ with two minutes to spare. I pull up to valet and hand the attendant the valet key and walk in as the doorman holds the entrance open.

"Ah, Mr. Cullen. Nice to see you again," the hostess greets me, ignoring the other patrons, before I even reach her post. _Nice to see me again? Hmm, I don't recognize her. _"This way, sir, for your table." We walk away from her post and she leads me to the table giving me her best flirty smile and I return it with the crooked grin that women just seem to love so much. I see a slight blush creep in her cheeks. _Gets them every time_.

"I'm expecting a guest so just show them back when they get here," I state to her, still holding her gaze.

"Oh. Ok. How will I know who to look for?" she asks hesitantly.

I reach out and place my right hand over her left hand that is lingering on the table and grin at her, "You'll just know."

Just as soon as I get the words out of my mouth, I hear her. "Edward. Stop flirting with the girl! This is a public place." _Rosalie_.

Rolling my eyes, I step past the hostess and up to my sister to give her a hug. "Hey, sis, it's been a while. It's good to see you." Out of the corner of my eye, I can see the hostess smile with relief when she realizes this girl is my sister and not my date.

"You too, Edward. You look good. Did you dress up just for me?" Rose says, pulling at my collar and then looks past me to the hostess, "You can go now. I think you have better things to do than try and fuck my brother in the middle of the restaurant." For an instant, I think the girl is going to say something back. I see a flash of anger in her eyes and then she looks at me and the lust is back. Rose clears her throat and the hostess walks away.

I pull out Rosalie's chair so that she can sit down and just lightly laugh at the situation. My sister, always the pinnacle of directness. Rosalie has a strict "no bullshit" policy.

"Seriously, Edward, you just attract everything. Most of the women in here are staring at you and trying to catch the drool in their mouths. And those that aren't simply can't see you, but they know you're here. It just oozes out of you," Rosalie says in a tone of amusement. I simply go over to my own chair and laugh at her. This is how it always is. She always has to comment on my appeal to women, trying to sound offended in some way, when deep down she finds it hilarious.

"So tell me, Rose, how were the Fiji Islands?" Rose is a fashion model and her job takes her all over the place. She spends most of her time traveling, but always makes it a point to come home. During her busier times, she's only able to get back every other month or so, but during the slower periods, she's home at least once a month. She usually stays in town for a weekend or a week, depending on the season. It is tough on everyone, but it is hardest on Rose and Emmett. Luckily, Emmett's lifestyle affords him a lot of flexibility in his schedule and he spends time traveling to visit Rose on location. Knowing they are forever, to them, it seems like a small price to pay for both of them to be able to have jobs that they love. And they are both always joking about how fucking great hotel sex is. Again, I shudder at the thought.

"They were good. A little cool; which was uncomfortable at times since we were doing swimsuits, but good. I got to see more of the location this time than the last time we did a shoot there. I liked that. I got you something. It will be delivered to your place tomorrow. But enough about that. I want to hear how my baby brother is doing."

I know instinctively that this partially had to do with Emmett calling her the day I blew up on Lauren. That reminds me, I still need to kill him for that. "Nothing much. _Eclipse_ is good; the guys are good. Everything is fine," I say in a dismissive tone.

At this point the waiter comes over for me to choose the wine. I choose it, taste it, approve, and he pours each of us a glass of Masciarelli Montepulciano d'Abruzzo, an Italian red. The entire time Rosalie is quiet. She takes a sip from her glass and she is still quiet. I wait a moment and then meet her gaze. Her blue eyes pierce right through me. _Read me like a fucking book_. I sigh quietly to myself, but I know she can hear me. When I look up again her face has softened. This is her special look reserved only for me. Most of the time we are at each other's throats. Arguing, bickering, and picking on each other. And then there are times when all that shit is thrown out the window. This is one of those moments.

"Edward..." Rose speaks softly, but never losing her authoritative and dominating tone.

"It's nothing. I promise. I just had a few rough, sleepless nights. I'm fine," I tell her flatly. Rose doesn't even bother to respond; she just nods her head and we change the subject.

"So, are you taking that hostess home tonight?" Rose asks with a menacing tone. I just laugh. And just like that, we're back to normal. Arguing, bickering, and picking on each other.

Dinner with Rose is good. She tells me about her recent travels. I try to get her to disclose what my gift is, but she won't budge on telling me. I just finish telling her about the new band playing at _Eclipse_ tonight when she asks me about Alice and I give her a questioning look.

"Well, Emmett mentioned you guys were all at the house a few weeks ago and that she came up. So?" Rose asks.

"Oh. Well, a little before that she was at _Eclipse_ one day and she and Jasper had this weird silent moment. Neither Emmett nor I brought it up again afterward. Then we were at your house, just hanging out and Jasper was mid puff when Emmett asked him when he was going to give in to Alice. I swear, Rose, I've never seen Jasper choke on his green before and he choked mid puff."

"So, then what?" Rose inquires with amusement in her voice.

"He just sat there. He didn't say anything for like ten minutes. I thought he wasn't going to respond, but Emmett didn't back down. He just waited, sitting there twirling a wrench in his hand."

"So, did he finally respond?" Rose is getting impatient.

"Yeah, he did. After forever, he finally spoke up, 'I guess it's about time I gave in, huh?,' with this huge grin on his face. The three of us just started laughing. It took him a few more weeks to get up the nerve, but she's with him at _Eclipse_ tonight as his date." I think back to the day that Alice was in _Eclipse_, when the silent exchange between her and Jasper took place. What she said to me as she left still makes a chill go down my spine. When I look up at Rose, she is staring at me intently with a curious look on her face.

"So, Edward, when is it your turn?" _Is she fucking kidding me?_

"My turn for what? Selling my soul? No thanks. I have the rest of my life to worry about that shit, if I ever do." She just shakes her head and turns back to her plate of Orecchiette with red bell peppers.

Towards the end of dinner, she lets me know that she has been talking to mom and I groan. I am thinking she told mom about my outburst that Emmett told her about. Emmett tends to exaggerate and Rosalie is incapable of sugar coating shit. So I am not pleased at the idea of Esme getting a completely skewed idea of what _actually_ happened that day at _Eclipse_.

"Calm down. I didn't tell mom about your miniature tantrum. We've been talking about Christmas," Rose clarifies, clearly seeing my reaction to her talking to mom.

"Wow. Already? What about it?" I interject. Although, I shouldn't be surprised. This is Esme Cullen we're talking about. Master hostess and planner of all things domestic.

"Well, she wants us to all go to Italy this year. It's been a while..." Rose leaves the ending hanging in the air. When Rose and I were younger, we did Christmas in Italy more times than I can remember having Christmas in the States, but when we got older, it was less frequent. It's not that I am opposed to the idea. I fucking love Italy and our family always has a good time. Things were different once our grandparents died, but it was still always a good time. But now that Rose is bringing it up, something feels off about it.

"Oh. I haven't been there for Christmas since I finished school."

"I know, but just think about it okay? Mom really wants it. And I really want to get over there to Dolce and Gabbana." Of course, it can never be completely selfless with Rose.

Rose and I finish dinner, and I pull out her chair while she stands up. I lead her through the restaurant, stopping at coat check to pick up her coat while she goes to the restroom. As I am standing there waiting for the guy to return with her coat, I see the hostess from earlier approaching me from the corner of my eye. She reaches me just as the coat clerk hands me Rose's paper thin coat. _What is the point in this thing_? Once I grab the coat and tip the man, I turn to smile at her. Immediately, I can tell she likes that.

"Hi, you can call me Chelsea," she says and hands me a folded up piece of paper while running her hand down the length of my arm. I take the piece of paper from her and watch her turn to walk away. Looking over her head, I see Rose standing there looking at me with an amused smile. Rose turns to look at Chelsea and glares at her. Chelsea almost trips over her own feet trying to escape Rose. Rose chuckles lightly to herself and turns her eyes back to me looking amused again. Smiling at Rose, I take her arm and lead her outside where our cars are waiting.

"Bye, Edward. I'll see you soon. Think about what I said. All of it," Rose states into my shoulder as I give her a goodbye hug.

"Yeah, I will," I say, letting her go and holding the door while she gets into her car. Shutting the door, I watch her pull out of the lane while my car is brought up in place of hers. I tip the valet for both of us, slide into the driver's seat, and turn on my music and drive. I glance at the clock. 11:45.

**~F&FS~  
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I head back to _Eclipse_. It isn't a conscious thought, it just kind of happens. Before dinner with Rose, I was pretty fucking bummed about missing the show tonight. I guess I am subconsciously hoping I will get to see the tail end. It's close to midnight when I get back to Eclipse and the band has already stopped playing. There are still plenty of people around, but I am not in the mood to really socialize. I look around quickly and I don't see Emmett or Jazz anywhere. Resigned, I head up to my office to get some work done.

After a few hours, I just can't think about the work in front of me anymore, so I head downstairs. As I walk down the hall, I notice that the light in Emmett's office is off and the door is shut; he is probably home with Rose. I bet she called him the minute her car door closed at the restaurant. Turning to the left, I see that Jasper's door is open and his light is still on, so he must be in the building somewhere. When I get downstairs, there are still some people lingering around the main bar, and I say hello as I pass through. Making the rounds through the rooms, I notice small groups of people here and there. I still haven't run into Jazz. Entering the final room, I notice that it's empty. Not a single person in sight. Looking at the stage, my eyes linger on the piano in the corner. I stroll over to the stage hesitantly, keeping my eyes on the piano, my destination. I reach the piano bench and sit down, letting my fingers lightly brush over the keys. Before I know it, I am playing.

I'm not playing anything in particular, just letting my fingers pick the notes. Truth be told, it didn't sound all that great to me, but I didn't want to stop. It's been a long time since I just went with it and played. As I play, I start to feel a sense of urgency pushing me to play. Something I have not felt in a long time. Mid-note, I hear Alice's voice ring through the building. "...come on. let's get going." Just as I look up from the keys, I see a flash of brown and ivory walking out of the room.

I stop playing mid-note and just stare at the keys in front of me. The urgency to play is gone. Resigned, I head out of _Eclipse_, get in my car, and head home.

_...Walking down the street, I gaze up at the sky and notice it's that special time of night. The sun is just below the horizon, preparing to surrender it's place to the moon. Twilight. There is a strange sense of peace in the air. A peace that almost lulls the senses into comfort. Off in the distance I can hear a faint barking_. Must be a neighbor's dog. _The sun continues to set, and the sky grows darker by the seconds._

_The barking gets closer with every step I take, but I can swear that it is coming from a position behind me somewhere. _

_Looking around me, I notice that even though I have been walking for quite some time, the scenery has not changed at all. The view to my left and my right are almost hazy. I'm lost in a cloud, and I can't quite make out what's around me. I squint to see if narrowed focus will assist me in making my surroundings more clear._ No luck. _Resigned to reach my destination, I press on and keep walking. _

_More barking. Except this time it is accompanied by another sound. A sound much too faint to make out at this distance. As the barking behind me gets closer, the other sound gets louder. _Screaming. Blood curdling, shrieks. Someone is afraid. _My pace quickens_ _as I try to escape the noises behind me. My heartbeat picks up, sensing the urgency of the screams I so desperately want to get away from..._

**~F&FS~  
**

I bolt up straight out of my sleep, dizzy from the fast and sudden motion. My entire body is racked with fear. All of my muscles are tense; I can feel the ache. I sit there staring into space, trying to get my fucking bearings.

I stagger to my bathroom, not daring to turn on the light, afraid to feel the burn in my eyes as they try to adjust from the bright lights. Dragging my feet across the cold marble floor, I feel my body finally start to snap out of whatever dilapidated state it is in long enough to find the toilet._ I'm going to throw up_.

Moving away from the toilet, I stand in front of the sink to wash my hands and I can see a shadow of my reflection in the moonlight. My unruly hair is matted down to my forehead with sweat. Sleep did not come easy to me tonight, and clearly sleep did not feel the need to stay.

I move out of the bathroom and find myself down the hall, staring out of the picture window in the living room. I don't sleep much. Over the years, my body has adapted to not need very much sleep at all. As I stand at the window staring out into the night, a chill runs over me and I know something is wrong. I know that things are not right, but what _things_? I can't be sure.

Strolling back into my bedroom, I pick up my cell phone and search through my contacts list for a now familiar number. Placing the phone to my ear, I listen for the ringing sound. On the second ring, the phone is answered.

_"Hey!"_

"Hey," I say into the phone. "Be here in fifteen minutes."

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**A/N: **

**Fast driving...yummy!  
**

**Those who know me know that I go totally apeshit over Edward when all things Italian are involved. So it has to be in here somewhere.**

**Translation**

_**Dolcezza**_**- Italian for "sweetness" **

**Wine at dinner -**_** Masciarelli Montepulciano d'Abruzzo**_**- simple Italian red. Nice fruity taste, light on the tannins. I actually own a couple of bottles.**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	10. Ch 09: Betrayal

**A/N: **

**WARNING: This is not a nice chapter. I am warning you now. THERE IS SEXUAL VIOLENCE IN THIS CHAPTER.**

**Special thanks to cclore, Phoenix MP3, and My Chemical Romance for getting me through this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 9: Betrayal**

**Bella Swan POV**

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Alice pulls her pretty purple Porsche up to the valet station just as I am pushing the visor mirror down to check my hair for the millionth time. As usual, Alice has decided to play "Bella Barbie" and do my hair and makeup tonight and I am self-conscious about it. Sitting in front of the mirror in the guest bathroom of my apartment, I can see Alice's reflection as she effortlessly curls each strand. It amazes me how she can do it with such ease. I know if I had been the one with the hot device in my hand, I would have burn marks all over my body from dropping it. Alice has been staying at my place this week because Mike is away again. I would have stayed with her in Forks, but she has a lot of business in Seattle and Portland this week and it is just easier for her to stay with me. When Alice stays in my apartment, she turns the second guest room into her own personal haven in five minutes flat. She is also able to get it cleaned out in just as little time. By the time I come back down the hall from putting on my dress, another "Barbie Bella" torture device, Alice has all of her stuff packed and ready to go, bringing her items out into the foyer. Amun, the nighttime desk attendant at The Lenox, is knocking on the door to take Alice's belongings down to her car. Honestly, I don't know how she fits it all into this tiny sports car.

I put the visor mirror up into its place just in time to see the most beautiful car I have ever seen pull away from the curb. It is smooth, sparkly, masculine, and elegantly rugged. It is perfect. I watch as the taillights quickly leave my frame of view. The driver obviously has a need for speed. I shudder. Fast driving scares me.

"I thought you said the show started at 9?" I turn to look at Alice. "It looks like people are already leaving and it is 8:50."

"It does start at 9," Alice states, flatly looking at me with a confused expression. She looks around and then glances back in my direction. "I don't see anyone leaving."

I just look out of the passenger window and shake my head. There is no point in continuing this conversation, it doesn't make any sense. And Alice is always punctual so I can't doubt her time for the start of the show.

It is our turn next, as Alice pulls up into position at the valet station, puts the car in park, and opens her door. As I go to grab my handle, someone is opening the door for me. "Hello miss, welcome to Eclipse," an oddly familiar voice says as I exit the car. After I make sure I have both feet planted firmly on the sidewalk, I look up to see who is talking.

"Seth? Is that you?" I say, looking curiously at the person in front of me.

"Bella Swan? Wow! It's been ages!" It is Seth. I have not seen Seth in a very long time and standing here looking at him, I almost can't recognize him. He's grown about twenty inches. Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration.

"Goodness, Seth, I almost didn't recognize you. You've grown so much. Not the little guy who used to follow Jake and Quil around anymore. I bet you give those guys a run for their money now," I say with a genuine smile.

"Aw, thanks, Bella. You look great too. And in a dress no less. Listen, I'm working. Let's catch up soon okay?"

"Sure, Seth. Great to see you," I call over my shoulder as Alice pulls on my arm, anxious to get inside. I just roll my eyes as her excitement to see Jasper is all but oozing out of her pores.

"Alice, where are you going? The line is this way," I ask her, noticing she is pulling us straight to the set of double doors decorated with wrought iron, twisted into lunar shapes.

"Bella, I have never waited in line when I've come to Eclipse. I am not about to start now. Come on," she replies, still pulling my arm. I follow Alice to the doors and walk in right behind her as the huge guy at the door steps aside and ushers us in. I don't think I have ever seen a person that large and I give him a sheepish grin as I pass by.

I'm not counting, but I think we have been inside Eclipse for ten seconds before I hear Alice squeal. I break my gaze away from the door to see what's got her squeeling. As I look over at her, I see Jasper Whitlock walking in our direction and I can see the smile on Alice's face, even though I am behind her. Jasper walks up to Alice and gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek while taking her hands into his. I just watch them interact and I'm in shock. I know how Alice has always felt about Jasper and I have witnessed them together in the past, but it's been at least five years since I saw them together the last time. If I thought it was amazing before, I am completely dumbfounded now. It is clearly two-sided. Their love, their connection is silent, but blatantly obvious. I look away to give them their private moment.

"Hey, Bella," Jasper says to me when he breaks his gaze away from Alice. I look over at him and for a brief moment I think I see sadness flash in his eyes, but it is gone just as quickly. Suddenly, I feel whatever sadness I felt ease away.

"Hi, Jasper. How are you?" I ask, finally finding my voice.

"I'm well, Bella. Thanks. Better now. Do you want a tour?" he asks me, watching my reaction.

Jasper gives us a quick tour, showing us the four bars, the lounge, the restaurant, the kitchen, the dance floor, and the performance stage. He takes us upstairs to the offices for a moment and tells us we can put our coats in his office to avoid coat check. Heading back downstairs, Jasper is leading the way, followed by Alice and me. As I leave the stairwell, I feel the heel of my shoe catch on the lip of the stairs, and I brace myself as I begin to fall forward. Luckily, someone catches me by the arm and I do not hit the ground. I'm being lifted from the ground and placed upright, I glance around to see who caught me and I come face to chest with a very well defined torso. I force my eyes to travel upwards, and I'm met with a wide smile and happy hazel eyes. I recognize this face, but it escapes me for a moment.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asks me, running back to my side. When I don't respond, she looks at my face and notices I am staring at the guy in front of me. "Oh, Bella. This is Emmett. You remember Emmett from high school right?"

It is like someone turning a light on in my head as it dawns on me. "Oh! Yes, of course. I didn't recognize you. You're much bigger than I remember," I stammer out, clearly embarrassed by my lack of recognition.

"It's okay, Bella. I barely recognized you all dolled up like that," Emmett just laughs his response. I can feel the blush creeping up my cheeks when I feel a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Emmett, don't embarrass her," I hear Jasper say before I turn to Alice and tell her I need to use the restroom. Jasper offers to show me where it is, but I tell him that I remember from the tour and leave. Once inside the bathroom, I shut myself in the stall for a few moments, letting the blush calm down. When I exit the stall, Alice is standing up against the sink waiting for me.

"You okay, Bella? I'm sorry about that."

"I'm fine, Alice. Really. You know how I feel awkward socially; being rescued like that in public was so embarrassing and then to not remember him was the icing on the cake," I ramble. Alice just chuckles and comes behind me to smooth a few strands of my hair before we leave the bathroom. Once we exit the bathroom, Jasper joins us again. I don't think he was waiting by the door, because I don't see him at first. He just appears next to Alice.

"Jasper," I start to get his attention and he turns to look at me. "Uh, I really like your place. It's beautiful," I finish. He must like my compliment because he gives me a very warm smile.

"Thank you, Bella," he starts with a slight southern drawl left over from his childhood. "Emmett, Ed...," and he is cut off as someone interrupts him mid sentence and whatever they say, he has to go. Giving Alice a kiss on the cheek and sending me a wave, he walks away. I follow Alice over to the bar where she orders us a couple of drinks and then we make our way into the room with the stage. The show will begin any minute now.

_Steal Tease_ is amazing. They are a small, local band that have just started to build a following. If I could describe them, I would say they have an edgy sound with quirky lyrics. At some point in the show, Jasper joins us for a moment and lets me know that _Steal Tease_ has given him a few CD's and he would be happy to give me a copy. I guess he can tell I am enjoying the show.

After the show, Jasper takes us to meet the band and they are all very nice and funny. We leave them to pack up their gear and go back to the front. Alice and I have been talking to a few people, well Alice is talking and I am standing there staring off into space when I hear a beautiful melody coming from the stage area where _Steal Tease_ performed earlier. It is kind of sad and somber at first I start walking towards the room and the music feels faster and almost excited. Every step I take towards the doorway that leads to the stage, I feel more compelled to keep moving forward to see where the sound is coming from. I hit the doorway and peer inside to see where the sound is coming from. Is it live? Did Jasper or someone turn on a CD? It definitely sounds live. Looking inside the room towards the stage, I see the backside of a black piano. The top is up and open so I do not have a clear shot of the person playing. If I had not seen the band leave myself, I would think it is one of them. I am so mesmerized by the music emanating from that spot, I do not move as the melody continues.

"Bella," Alice calls just as I am about to take a step into the room, "come on. Let's get going."

For just a second I look at her, not daring to look back at the stage and proceed to walk away and meet Alice at the door. The music has stopped.

Mike is already home when I get back from the show with Alice. He is sitting on the couch in the living room, going through some files when I come in. He glances up at me and gives me a strange look, appraising my appearance. I go down the hallway to the bedroom and change into pajamas then curl up in bed to a dreamless sleep for the first time in a long time.

**~F&FS~  
**

It is Friday night, the night after I went to see _Steal Tease_ with Alice at _Eclipse_. It's just like before. Like the last time. It all begins so small, but quickly escalates into something more. It seems like we are always fighting now. We fight about everything, from washing dishes to what movie to see. Well, I don't fight much. He does most of the fighting for both of us. If I am honest with myself, I will say that I probably push him on some nights to get a reaction. So I can feel something, so I can see that he feels anything instead of this shell of a couple that we have become.

Tonight, I'm in the kitchen gathering ingredients for the Fried Polenta Discs with Mascarpone Cheese that I am testing for the book I am reviewing. Mike comes into the kitchen and lets me know that there is a client dinner tomorrow that he needs me to be available for. I immediately grab my iPhone and check my calendar to see if he somehow told me about this before. Maybe I have forgotten, but it is not on my calendar. Every planned moment of my life is in my calendar.

"I don't have it on my calendar. Did you tell me about it before?" I ask him.

"No. It's last minute, but the entire team is expected to be there, and I need you to be there."

I simply state that I will not be able to attend the dinner because I have a deadline to meet. I explain to Mike that the author's publishing date has been moved up and I am going to have to work double time this weekend to meet the deadline. Where there used to be understanding, I am now met with anger.

"Fuck your deadline!" he shouts at me, stalking in my direction. Immediately my body recoils, trying to hide from whatever may be coming my way. He has never hit me before, but that doesn't mean there isn't a reason to be afraid. Mike is bigger than me and I can see the anger in his eyes at my rejection of his request. He stops in his path and glares at me. I know that in just a few steps he can get to me before I can ever get out of his way. I don't say anything. I just stand there. Shaking. Waiting.

Before I know it, his lips are crashing hard on mine and my arms are in a vice grip in his large hands, pinned to my sides. I can taste the alcohol on his breath, harsh and bitter. His grip is painful and I know I'm going to be bruised. He is hurting me and I am not able to pull away. And suddenly, I can not breathe. As I turn my face to get some air, he lashes out and smacks my face hard enough to send my small frame flying to the floor in shock and pain. I must have bit my cheek because I can feel a warm liquid in my mouth. I will myself not to swallow and not to wipe my mouth. The sight of my own blood will render me incoherent and useless. I sit there for a second before I whip my head up to glare at him. What I see there is anger, hatred, fear and...lust. Immediately, I am scared. I do not welcome the crippling feeling as it racks my brain, making it hard to handle what is going on. As I get up to run, I barely make it two steps before he has his strong arms around my waist and I am hoisted off of the floor. I can't even scream. Fear has my voice trapped in my throat, incapable of release. My limbs feel numb.

Stopping just outside of the kitchen, he yanks my hair away from my neck and I cry out from the pain. Then, he buries his face in my neck and drags his tongue along the length. "You are so heavenly, Bella," he states through gritted teeth. I whimper at his touch and he tightens his grip on my waist as he continues to stalk through the house with my shaking body in his arms. My hair is thrown in my face and my eyes are sealed shut, afraid of what is happening. Begging to God that this will end. Suddenly, I am thrown down and my body hits the mattress. In that instant, I know this was NOT going to be like the last time.

Mike tears the belt from his pants and pushes them down, holding both of my ankles in one hand, making it hard for me to move. I'm not sure I will be able to move anyway. I am too scared. "Please, Mike," I whimper, hoping that he cares for me enough not to go through with this. He yanks my legs open and wraps his hand around both of my wrists, practically pressing his entire body weight onto me. There is nowhere for me to go, nowhere for me to move. I am trapped.

"Tell me you want it, Bella. Tell me!" he bellows. In my naive mind, I think if I comply, he will make it stop. He will let me go and I can be rid of this crippling fear. "Tell me!" he hollers one more time. Somehow, I find my voice.

"Mike, please...please don't," I cry with tears stinging my face where I have been smacked.

"Awww, Bella, I won't hurt you. I love you. Tell me you want me, Bella," he says, sounding much sweeter than he sounded just a few moments ago, but there is still an edge to his voice.

"I want you," I whimper and turn my head to avoid his eyes. In one moment, two things happen; he smothers my mouth with his as I feel him push forward, piercing my body with anger and I cry out.

"You're so wet," he states in between his moans of pleasure. "Do you feel how ready you are for me? It feels so good, Bella." All I can do is cry. I silently curse my body for reacting to him in such a way. I can feel the wetness between my legs. How can I be so afraid of what is happening and have that kind of reaction? Perhaps, I really do want it and my mind and my body don't agree. I cry the entire time, silently. No sounds. Just tears. Thrust after thrust is met with tears streaming from my eyes. And I hear Mike yell out as his release comes. My entire body shakes under the weight of his while he trembles in satisfaction. When he is finished, he strokes my cheek, moving the hair from my face.

"I love you, Bella," he says before pulling away and leaving the room. After he is gone, I lay there. I lay there in a crumpled mess and silently cry myself into a fitful sleep.

..._Flowers. Daisies. Peonies. Tulips. Daffodils. Flowers. I kneel down and sniff each flower lovingly. The clouds come in and cause the flowers to retreat and close their petals. "No please," a female screams in the distance. Thunder begins to clap in the sky. The sky is angry and taking out it's vengeance on the flowers. Lightning strikes the sky in two fierce cracks. I run and hide behind a nearby tree, covering my eyes and crouching down to hide from an angry sky. As time passes, I can feel the anger lift. As I peer around the tree, the ground is decimated. The flowers are gone. Everything is dead_...

I shoot up from the bed as the sound of my own screams jar me awake. My hair is matted to the back of my neck and forehead, sheets are pooled with sweat, and my mouth dry, like I have been sucking on cotton. I am afraid, terrified, and alone. I go to the bathroom instinctively and see my reflection in the mirror and immediately avoid my own gaze. I fight back the tears that threaten to break the surface. Turning from the bathroom, I run through the apartment looking for Mike but I don't find him.

I come full circle and find myself in the bedroom again. Standing in the doorway, my chest heaving from running around, I am so confused, lost and hurt. Everything hurts. My body hurts. But more so, my heart hurts.

**~F&FS~**

I don't know how I got here, but I managed to do it.

I sit here in my car staring at the door, wringing my hands over the steering wheel. I have no idea how long I have been sitting here, but all of a sudden a porch light comes on and the door flies open. Before I know what I am doing, I am opening my door and running as fast as my sore legs can carry me.

"Bella!" Alice calls as she starts to run towards me, scaling the porch like an athlete, her tiny body almost appearing airborne.

"Bella, what are you doing here? It's late, cold and raining." _As if it does anything else in Forks but rain_. As soon as I feel her warmth, I break down and cry. I cry like a miserable child. Scared. Terrified. I can't stop the tears even if I try. The sobs I have held back all night are escaping me in a flood. My entire body is shaking with the sounds coming out my chest. Tears as heavy as my world that is crashing down around me run down my cheeks. Before I know what is happening, I am being carried into the house. Clearly not by Alice, as I am too high off of the ground. I see a mess of blond hair as I squint through my tears.

"Oh my God. Bella," I hear Alice say. And then my world goes black.

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**A/N: Ok. Let's hear it. I fully expect every single one of you to hate me right now. **

**If you're interested, somewhere on my blog is a post about Bella's involuntary 'sexual' reaction**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	11. Ch 10: Closer

**A/N**  
**I don't have much to say guys. If you're still reading, thanks for sticking through that last chapter. *mwah***

**cclore and PhoenixMP3, thanks beyond words. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 10: Closer**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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When I get the call from Jasper, I am definitely not pleased. Who am I kidding? I'm fucking pissed about it. I roll over to look at the clock on the bedside table and I sigh. I note the time. 4:20. "What the fuck, Jasper? Do you see the fucking time?" I growl into the phone, just barely resisting the urge to shout at him.

"Hold on," I say, looking at the girl who's asleep in my bed. I push her abruptly and she just sits there resting on her elbows, glaring at me. I point towards the door and watch as her eyes follow my finger. She furrows her brow at me.

"Go," is all I say. Scurrying from the bed, she grabs her clothes and shoes. I sit quietly until I hear the front door click shut and lock automatically. I turn to the phone in my hand, "What?"

"Yeah. Listen," Jasper starts and I think I hear some wavering in his voice, but it is so slight, I am not sure. I wonder if he knows I had a girl in my bed. "I didn't think you'd be asleep. I saw you leave with that girl." _Yeah, he knows._ "Meet me and Em at The Lenox at 8:00." Sounds more like an order than a request.

"What the fuck for?" I ask, not thrilled at being told what to do or having to be somewhere in less than four hours when I'd rather be in bed.

"I'll tell you when I see you. It's a long story," he says.

"Well, you fucking have me awake now. You have my attention. Just get it over with," I say, softening my tone at the end because I can tell something is bugging him.

There is a pause that seems to take forever, and I can hear the shallow breaths on the other end. "Jazz, dude. What's wrong? Did something happen to Alice?" I know that they have only technically been together for a couple of weeks, but at the moment, I can't think of anything else that would cause him to call me at four in the morning and to be so pensive.

I am getting worried since he is not saying anything. Jasper Whitlock has been my best friend for longer than I can remember. We've been through it all. We shared a paper route, built forts in my backyard, learned how to swim together, and dropped out of boy scouts. We both got the sex talk from my 'dad, the doctor', knew what our first wet dream was about, had our first time in the same house- obviously with different girls, loved cars, and the list goes on. Jasper is an unnaturally calm guy. There are very few things that seem to faze him, but when something does get under his skin, it is never a good thing. I have only seen Jasper lose his cool on a few occasions. Hell, I have seen him irritated fewer times than I have fingers on my hands. So silence and shallow breaths is a sign that this conversation will likely be added to the short list.

I glance to the clock. 4:31. _I will give him one more minute_.

"No. Nothing happened to Alice," Jasper says in a restricted voice after a loud sigh. _"_You know Alice's sister, Bella?" Jasper asks, still in a strained voice. _Yep. He's definitely holding back his anger._

"Yeah. She went to our high school right?" I reply more as a statement than a question. Of course I know Bella and that she went to our high school. Everyone knows Bella's story and how she is not Alice's actual sister, but I'm not going to bring up the details now. I ignore the sudden twist that starts to occur in my stomach. _Must be hungry_.

"Yeah. Well, the long and the short of it is, she was living with that creep Newton. They dated in college or some shit and she moved here with him when she graduated."

"Uh huh," I state, sounding more bored than I probably should have, given the strain in Jazz's voice. While he continues, I have to remind myself..._Newton...Newton. __Oh yeah. He's been to Eclipse a few times. The waitstaff say he thinks highly of himself- big spender, shallow tipper. Some boring, local, business type._

"Well, she showed up at Alice's tonight..."

_Again with the fucking pausing._

"Jazz, can we please just get to the fucking point?" I snarl into the phone.

"He fucking hit her. That bastard Newton fucking hit her. And now she's here. A-an-and it's bad, bro," Jasper finally spits out through clenched teeth as he tries to reign in his anger. "So, Alice asked me to get her stuff from Newton's so Bella never has to go back. He lives at The Lenox. And I can't go without you and Em. You know this Edward. You know me..." he trails off.

"Yeah. I got it. The Lenox, 8:00," I say with a heavy sigh.

When I hang up the phone, I am not sure if I am relieved, angry, concerned, or what. What I do know is that if I do not go with Jasper to The Lenox, I will be taking my happy ass to the courthouse to bail him out or worse.

I met Jasper the first day of kindergarten. His family had just moved to Forks from Austin, Texas. It's been so many years now that I can't recall the reason for the move. Mrs. Clearwater sat Jasper at my table and assigned me to him to help him get used to the new place. We've been best friends ever since. Hitting a woman is just wrong. You have to be a real punk to do that shit. As much as it upsets me, as much as it would upset any sensible human being with a fucking soul, I know better than anyone that a man hitting a woman is Jasper's number one button pusher.

I know this because there are more nights than I would like to remember when Jazz slept at my house and not just because we were playing with Lego's or hanging out. He'd just show up in the middle of the night. At first, it was strange. The first time it happened my mom nearly freaked out when six year old Jasper stood on my porch in his GI Joe pajamas, holding a small blue blanket and a brown teddy bear that was missing one eye, looking terrified for his life in the middle of fall. But she just brought him in the house, and that night we both slept in the bed with my parents. As a grown man, the memory makes me chuckle.

"This pattern continued for over a week," I can almost hear Esme's voice, like she is telling the story of how we became such good friends. It happened so often that my parents bought bunk beds for my room so we could stay together, and he wouldn't have to be alone the nights he would show up, but not in their bed. I imagine two six year olds were cramping their style. I shudder at that thought.

The summer when we were eight, Jasper and I were playing around in the backyard while my sister Rosalie was on the phone with one of her annoying friends. I forget what toy we were playing with, but Rose thought it was making too much noise, that we were being too loud. She stomped over to where we were playing and threw the toys in the pool. I remember being so mad that I walked over to her and punched her in the shoulder and then pushed her. As she fell to the ground and I was standing above her to grab the phone and toss it in the pool just like she did to my toy, Jasper jumped on my back and told me to stop. He was yelling at me to stop. I remember being so scared by the panic in his voice and the fear in his face that I immediately backed away and ran into the house. I didn't see Jasper for a week, which in kid time is like an eternity.

It was a stormy Friday night when I saw him again. There was a knock on my door, and my mother entered my room to see if I was awake. "Edward, honey." I can hear her soft voice, even now, in that moment. "You have company," she whispered as she opened the door.

I looked up from the comic book I was reading to see a mop of blond hair peak out from behind my mother's skirt with a sad look on his face. I smiled and he came out from behind my mother completely. "Took you long enough," I said and went back to my comic book.

"Yeah," was all he said back. He came in the room and sat across from me on his bed and picked up his Gameboy that he left the last time he was there. Silence hung in the room, and we just sat there doing what boys do. A whole lot of nothing if you really think about it.

"My dad hits my mom" he stated barely above a whisper. Even at eight, I could hear the pain in his voice. When I looked up at Jasper, I knew the conversation was not up for discussion, that he just wanted me to know. It was shortly after this that Jasper's older brother, James, disappeared. Leaving Jasper in a worse state being left in that family alone.

I never told anyone. Not even Carlisle and Esme. I wanted to. I wanted to help my best friend, but I couldn't betray him. Somehow, my parents just knew. I realize thy must have known as I got older. The way they accepted him and took him in. They had to have known. Jasper never lead me to believe that his dad hit him too. Maybe if he did, I would have told someone to help him. I don't know for sure.

As we got older, there was no need for knocking and bell ringing anymore. When I would get picked up from school by mom, Carlisle or Alistair, they would always ask Jazz if he was coming home with us. Sometimes he did and sometimes he didn't. One afternoon, when he didn't, I asked my mom why they always offered to give him a ride home. His family was wealthy, so I knew he didn't need the ride. "Because we don't want him to have to walk such a long distance alone at night if he is going to be coming over," she stated softly. Esme is always the epitome of caring.

For his twelfth birthday, my parents gave him a key to our house to let him know he always had a home there and he was always welcome. Some nights he would stay, other nights he wouldn't. I never truly knew what made one night different from another. And it was too sensitive a topic for me to just ask. If he wanted me to know, he would tell me. The bunk beds eventually developed into double beds and then Jazz moved into another room in the house completely. I would lay awake at night sometimes and I would hear the front door open, then the familiar sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. I always knew it was Jazz because he would leap over steps four and five, the ones that squeaked, out of consideration so as not to wake others in the house. He'd stop at my door, knock twice to let me know he was staying and then shuffle off to his room.

Given what Jasper has lived through, I am not surprised at all to hear the painful strain in his voice tonight on the phone. If I do not go to The Lenox with Jasper tomorrow, he will kill Newton. I know that. I know Jasper.

**~F&FS~  
**

"Edward. Edward. Eddie!"

I faintly hear my name and I open my eyes. It takes me a second to realize where I am. I am still sitting in the chair I managed to stumble my way to at some point since that phone call from Jasper. I practically hurl myself into the hallway and am caught off guard when I hear my name ring out in the hall again.

"Edward." This time it sounds a lot more forceful than I heard it before and I realize it's Emmett. _He must have used his key to let himself in._

Walking down the hall, listening to the sound of my bare feet on the floor, I round the corner as he is coming out of the kitchen. When he sees me, he has a look of confusion on his face and I just stare at him. _What the fuck is he staring at?_

"How many times do I have to tell you to _not_ call me 'Eddie'?" I bark before I look at his hands and see that he has two familiar white cups in his hand. He follows my gaze and smirks at me.

"Yeah, I figured you'd need this."

I walk over to him and he hands one of the cups over to me. I take a sip and relish in the moment as the hot liquid hits my lips, graces my tongue and pours down my throat. I take another sip and Emmett just chuckles. "Dude, it's fucking weird how much you love that shit." I just laugh at his reaction. He is just as addicted as I am.

"What time is it?" I ask, more to myself than to Emmett as I look over at the clock on the wall.

"It's 7:20. You have 30 minutes. We have to get there before Jasper," Emmett replies. I already know that, but I just let it go. There is no need to be a dick to Emmett. He did bring me coffee after all.

I turn on my heels and head toward my bedroom to hop in the shower so we can get this shit over with.

I walk into the hallway and see Emmett standing there staring off into space. "Ready?" he asks without even looking up at me.

"Yeah, let's go. Uhm. I don't know how much shit we're taking so we might as well take your car and mine."

"Yeah," Emmett agrees. "So that girl you left _Eclipse_ with last night. New? You sent her home?" I just look at him and he looks back expecting my answer.

"Who, Kim? Yeah, I sent her on her way when Jazz called this morning. And no, she isn't 'new.' We've fucked a few times."

"Humph," Emmett responds. I'm too fucking tired to do this right now. And I'm tense about how to deal with Jasper if it comes to that. What does it matter who I sleep with? I use protection and I'm not a complete asshole. I'm sure Kim slept about two hours before I told her to leave. I really don't want to hear it from Emmett either. He is one to talk; all the fucking around he's done in his life. All those years he spent playing the field, being confused and scared as shit about Rose. He will tell me some bullshit about finding "the one." Shit I don't want to fucking hear. Shit I can't wrap my head around. Kim isn't a bad fuck, and sometimes a guy just has needs that have to be met. Besides, getting off last night will help me think more clearly through this ordeal.

Down the elevator and through the building, we reach the resident lots. Since Emmett and Jasper often just crash at my place, I pay a little extra to get more than the standard two parking spaces. Reaching my Audi, I see that Emmett's Hummer is parked next to it. "What? No remarks about the environment this morning, Edward?" Emmett asks. I usually give him shit about driving that gas guzzling trap around, but I am not in the mood today.

"Nope," is all I say.

We get into our cars and drive the five miles from my place to The Lenox and pull up just before I see the familiar Range Rover that Jasper drives pull up alongside the building. I take a deep breath and open my door to get out of my car. Closing the door, I turn around to look at Emmett, who is now climbing out of his Hummer and he just nods towards Jasper's car. I nod in return and walk over to where Jasper is parked and I peer into the tinted window. I knock on the glass, and I hear the engine turn off and the doors unlock. I open the driver's side door, and I am taken back by what I see. Jasper is gripping the steering wheel and his knuckles are powder white. When he turns his head to look at me, I see the murderous rage that is held there. I silently pray to the deities, to any god that is listening, that Mike Newton is not home this morning. I hold out my hand, and Jasper gives me the key to the apartment we will be entering.

"You alright? Can you do this? We can take care of it, and you can wait down here," I say, giving Jasper an out.

"No," he says tersely, "let's go," he concludes and jumps out of his car, slamming the door.

We walk to the door and move straight to the elevator, completely ignoring the building personnel or anyone in the hallway. Jasper presses the number ten on the elevator wall, and we stand there in silence, being lifted to our destination. The only audible sound is the gears of the elevator lifting us to the tenth floor. In the reflection of the glass I can see Emmett to my left and Jasper to my right. Emmett has his game face on, ready for whatever faces us beyond these doors. Jasper looks like he is in fucking hell and that at any moment, little demons will come tearing out of him, torturing anything in their path. The doors open, and we leave the elevator with me leading us down the hall to door "B." I don't even bother to knock on the door; I just use the key and push it open.

"Hello," Emmett calls out as the door swings open and hits the wall behind it. "Hello," he calls again a little louder, his voice bouncing off the walls and the tile. There is no response. For a brief second, we just look at each other. Then I turn to look at Jasper. The murderous look is still in his eyes, but his fists are no longer clenched at his sides.

"Alice said her stuff will be this way. Here's the list of stuff we are to take," Jasper says, his anger still barely in check. "This shouldn't take too long," Emmett says, looking over the list.

Silently, I thank whoever was listening earlier for the fucker not being home. And with that, we begin gathering the possessions of Bella Swan.

**~F&FS~  
**

As I walk down Alice's perfectly decorated second floor hall, I hear a faint sound that resembles a whimper coming from the room on the left. I adjust the box in my hand and stop to see where the sound is coming from. As I get closer to the door, I hear it again. The sound is so small and yet I feel inexplicably drawn in the direction it is coming from. The involuntary need to seek out the source only serves to increase my curiosity. When I peer into the doorway, I stop dead in my tracks just past the threshold of the door.

I survey the sight in front of me. It is a girl and she is laying there, facing the window. Her back towards the door, facing me. The sheet has fallen away from her back and is draped loosely near her hips exposing skin. Her body moves gently with the effort of her breathing, but the movement is so minimal you can hardly notice. As my eyes travel the scene, I note the mahogany hair splayed across the pillow in a swirling chaos, catching the sunlight as it beams through the window and showing slight traces of a deep crimson woven in between the shiny chestnut strands.

Traveling down the smooth line of her delicate neck, I pause my gaze when I see a mark that resembles the imprint of teeth starting to turn an unattractive shade of blue. My eyes continue to her shoulder, following the length of her creamy arm, only to be stopped again by a red hand print that seems to wrap around the entire circumference of the branch. My eyes narrow in response to the sight. Still surveying, my eyes travel to her back that is mostly covered by the thin but not sheer, white tank she's wearing. Following the curve of her spine, my eyes halt when I see two hand prints, both more red than the first, almost purple. It looks like she has been grabbed at the waist. From this angle they appear to be two partial palm prints and two thumbs, as if she was grabbed with her back to whomever the prints belong to. My jaw tightens in anger. I feel a low growl build in my chest, my grip tightening on the box in my arms. I shift the box in my hands to maintain my grasp. "_What the fuck?"_ I think to myself, not too sure if I am questioning my body's reaction to the sight in front me, my angry reaction to it, or both.

Startled by my reaction, I spin on my heel, dropping the final box in the third room on the left as Alice instructed and bolt downstairs, nearly flying down the stairs. I pause in the living room following the tones of a hushed Emmett, who is clearly trying to whisper and failing. Emmett is standing by the door in the living room, Jasper is sitting on the arm of a chair and Alice is leaning against his lap, her head thrown back in laughter. _Clearly Emmett is being Emmett_.

"Hey, man," Jasper says as I enter the room, "you okay?"

I guess I have some kind of look on my face. "Yeah, fine. I just, uh, got a headache," I grumble. "And I remembered I'm meeting a distributor today, so I gotta get going," I say, running my hands through my impossible hair a little rougher than usual.

"Alright, man, see you at _Eclipse_?" Emmett says as more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah," I say absently as I turn toward the door, my mind is already moving onto other things.

"Hey Edward?" I turn to see Alice staring at me intently. "Thank you," she finishes with so much sincerity, it resonates in my gut.

"Anytime," I reply. I can't help but give her a small smile.

She returns my smile for a brief moment and then she gets this far off look on her face. I just turn and head for the door. "Alice..." I hear Jasper call as I reach my car. For a second he sounds worried._ "I'm imagining things,"_ I think. I hop in my car and drive off.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Alright, I think I have a surprise for you in Chapter 11...**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	12. Ch 11: Wake

**A/N: ****  
**

**Thanks to cclore and PhoenixMP3 for so many things. I'd say they co-wrote this chapter with me. **

**WARNING: There is a flashback in this chapter that has sexual violence.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

**

* * *

**

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 11: Wake**

**Bella Swan POV **

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**

The sight of the sun is beaming in through a window as my eyes open. Blurry-eyed, I struggle to take in my surroundings. Not recognizing where I am, I jump up, scared and confused. Almost instantly, Alice comes bounding into the room as if she could sense my mood, while I pull the bed covers around me like a cocoon, her sudden movements scaring me. "Bella. It's okay, calm down. It's just me," she says when she sees my reaction. _I must be at Alice's house, but I have no idea how I got here_.

Alice slowly and gracefully moves into the room, coming closer to where I sit on the bed. I watch her as she takes in my appearance, probably trying to gauge my frame of mind. Completely devoid of any real thoughts, I just continue to stare at her blankly. As she reaches the side of the bed closest to the window, she gently sits down so as not to jostle the mattress and gives me a small smile. I try to return the smile, but I can't because my face hurts. In a wave, the memories and the feelings come back to me. I take a glance at Alice, and her smile is completely gone. It is now replaced with a deep frown. _I don't think I have ever seen Alice frown_. All of a sudden, a sob escapes my chest and as if that was her cue, Alice is right at my side, pulling me into her tiny arms before the next sob is released.

Alice's hold on me gets tighter as my sobs become louder. I am vaguely aware that my body is shaking because I can hear the bangles on Alice's wrist clanging together. Through my sobs I can hear faint footsteps, but they are coming closer. I feel one of Alice's arms loosen around me and I glance up to her face, noticing that she is looking at the door. Turning my head, I see Jasper standing in the hallway by the door. He looks away from Alice for a moment, his eyes lock on me. What I see scares me. There is nothing but murderous rage in his eyes, and his mouth is pulled taut because he is clenching his jaw. Looking at Jasper now is like looking at a completely different person than the Jasper I remember from high school, the Jasper Alice talks about non-stop, or the Jasper I saw recently at _Eclipse_. _Is he angry with me too?_ I feel my body tense up at his gaze, and I immediately recoil backwards, trying to get as far away as possible. Alice, sensing my fear, waves her hand at him to tell him to go. I hear his footsteps retreat, but it's too late. I can't relax now.

Free from Jasper's murderous, penetrating gaze, my mind goes back to the source for my current state of mind. Images and sounds flood my memory as I recall recent events.

_I'm standing in the kitchen. I'm looking at my phone..._

_"Fuck your deadline!" Mike's shouting at me. I just stand there. Shaking. Waiting._

_Harsh and brutal kissing...the taste of alcohol...my arms stuck to my sides._ _The air catching in my throat. I can't breathe. The __sonorous__ sound of a smack ringing through the air...feeling the pain in my cheek...tasting the blood in my mouth._

My tongue moves inside my mouth touching the spot where I must have bit down hard; it's already started to heal_._

_Trying to go, but I can't. Trying to run, but my feet aren't on the ground. Trying to scream, but I have no sound coming out. Silently praying that this was not happening; that it would just be over. _

_Being thrown on the mattress, pinned down, and left exposed like I am a display. Croaking out the most sound I can muster, trying to get him to reconsider his actions._

_"Tell me you want it, Bella. Tell me!" _

_"Awww, Bella, I won't hurt you. I love you. Tell me you want me, Bella."_

_"I want you," I say. _

_More harsh kissing as my body is pierced. The feeling of my body splitting apart with the force._

_"You're so wet. Do you feel how ready you are for me? It feels so good, Bella." _

_Tasting the salty tears as they make their way down my face. I feel the wetness between my legs, my body betraying my mind. I guess I really do want it._

_"I love you, Bella." _

And then nothing. "Oh God," I gasp as realization hit me. I throw my hand over my mouth as I feel the lurch in my stomach. I try to get up and run to the adjoining bathroom, but the weight of my memories is so great that it feels like my body is being pinned down. Only making it to the edge of the bed, I feel my entire body heave as my stomach tries to rid itself of the contents, only to churn out a vile tasting liquid. If I could only do the same with my memories, if it was possible to heave the bad memories out of my head in the same way.

"Bella," Alice calls, shaking me from my thoughts and bringing me back into her arms. "Bella, what is it?" I just shake my head on her shoulder. Alice helps me to the bathroom to clean up; a process that takes longer than expected as I keep churning up bile at random intervals.

Heading back into the bedroom, Alice helps me get under the blankets and then she crawls in next to me, placing my head on her shoulder. "Bella, tell me what happened," she says, almost pleading.

There is no way I can talk about this. Not even with Alice. What am I supposed to say? "_I made my boyfriend mad and he forced me to have sex with him. I thought I didn't want it, but I was so physically aroused, so obviously I did?_" That sounds crazy, even to me and I was there. Am I supposed to admit that despite what he did to me, part of me feels like Mike still loves me?

"Come on, Bella. Please don't shut me out; I am here for you," Alice declares. And I know she's right. I know she is here for me and that she won't judge me, but I judge myself. Resolved, I just shake my head again and continue to cry as I hear Alice let out a heavy and defeated sigh. "It's okay, Bella. Whenever you're ready," she says before the familiar lullaby begins...

"Balenciaga, Burberry, Coach, Dior, Ferragamo, Gucci, Louboutin..."

**~F&FS~  
**

Three weeks have passed since I've come to Alice's house in Forks. The first week felt like time was standing still. Like the earth had stopped moving. I cried every day and just when I thought I could not cry anymore, I kept crying. Alice is being so great. She is my strength, doing mundane things for me that I just can't find the energy to do myself. She comes and brushes my hair to get out the gnarls from laying down all day and brings me a basin full of water so I can brush my teeth on those mornings where my legs refuse to move. I never have to ask; she just always knows. Everyday she brings me this fantastic soup to make sure I don't waste away. I keep making a mental note to ask her where it is coming from because I know she can't boil water. She sits on the end of the bed and talks about her day, although I know she is really just making sure I eat as much of the soup as I can.

At some point during the second week, I stop spending most of my day passed out in a comatose state. Since then, I have learned bits and pieces of what happened after I left Mike's place. I learn that Alice was asleep that night when she suddenly woke up around 2:30 in the morning. Jasper was sleeping here that night, and he was startled by her sudden movements, thinking there was an intruder in the house. "It's Bella," she said to Jasper. She ran out of the room and down the stairs. When she opened the front door, she saw me sitting in my car and she started to run towards me.

"Bella, you looked awful," she says during one of our conversations, "your hair was strewn all over your head, one of your shoes was untied, your sweatshirt was half on. When I reached you, your face was terribly tear-stained. When I touched you, you were trembling like a leaf." I simply nod at her description. I know I must have driven here because I can see my car out the window. And I almost remember seeing Alice scale the stairs on her porch, but I can't be sure if that's my memory or if it's from her retelling me details. "You just collapsed. Luckily, Jasper was right there and he caught you before you hit the ground. We brought you upstairs and you were mumbling to yourself, but your eyes were closed," she says with a peculiar expression. I flinch at his name, but Alice is looking at the floor and doesn't notice.

"You know I talk in my sleep, Alice," I say back to her, not really understanding what the big deal is.

"I know, but you were awake, Bella. I'm not sure you were fully conscious, but you weren't asleep. It was like your mind forced you to remain somewhat stable until you got here and then it let go."

"What was I mumbling?" I ask in a whisper. To be honest, I'm not sure I want to hear the answer.

Alice looks at me sadly, I know she doesn't want to tell me. "You kept saying, _'I'm sorry, please don't. I'm sorry, please don't.'_ Over and over," she finishes and I look at her and see that she is both sad and confused. _We have something new in common_.

"Oh," I reply. Not sure how to respond. Not entirely sure how I feel about this new detail. Silence falls over us as I play with the hemline on the plush comforter. "Uhm, how did you get my stuff?" I ask her. This is something I have been curious about since that second week when I could finally take a good look at my surroundings.

_I woke up one day and saw the dolphin figurine that Charlie bought me when we went to Disneyland when I was four. On the dresser I saw some photographs of me and my parents, and photos of me and Alice from college. A lot of these photos Alice also has, but the ones I was looking at were in my frames. When I could finally muster the energy, I went to the bathroom and saw my familiar toiletries neatly lined up in Alice-approved containers on the counter or placed in the shower. __Seeing those items made me realize how dirty I probably was and after hesitating for a moment, I got into the shower.__ My entire body was stiff; my muscles cried out in pain as the heated water attempted to ease the tension. I welcomed the brittle pain and that kind of alarmed me. Leaving the shower, I saw that the bed had been stripped and Alice was putting a new set of bedding down. __When she heard me come out of the bathroom, she looked up and smiled at me. I averted my eyes from her gaze and looked out of the window, noticing the sun setting. When I looked back at her__, she had already finished making the bed and was pulling clothes out of a drawer for me. Then I remembered I was standing there in a towel, dripping all over her hardwood floor. "Sorry," I mumbled apologetically for the wet floor. _

_"It doesn't matter," Alice said somberly. She handed me the clothes, and I took them from her realizing they were my clothes. I looked at her, and she was staring at me. "Yes?" she asked, waiting for me to ask anything since I had barely spoke up to this point. I just shook my head and went into the bathroom to change. When I came out, Alice was sitting on the bed with my brush in her hand and she motioned for me to sit next to her. I sat down next to her on the bed, and she crawled up behind me and perched herself on her knees. She brushed my hair softly, and it reminded me of the time my mother brushed my hair after I fell down from riding my bike down a hill and scraped up my entire left leg. A silent tear fell down my cheek and onto my folded hands. When she was done, I simply made my way to the head of the bed and crawled under the warm blankets._ These must be fresh from the dryer_. I was already half asleep before Alice left the room. "Goodnight, Bella," she whispered as she left._

"Well, after you calmed down a little that night and I was sure that you were asleep, I went downstairs to wrap my head around what was happening. I was standing in the kitchen staring at the photo of you, me and both of our parents from when we were five on the first day of kindergarten, when Jasper came downstairs." I cringe at the second mention of his name, remembering the look he had on his face weeks ago. I haven't seen him since. Alice notices this time and sets her hand on top of mine.

"Bella, he won't hurt you. He never would," she says before continuing to answer my question. At first, she looks like she is about to say something, but she stops herself. "Jasper is how I got your stuff," she states with a sigh. I can not understand why. Is she upset that I am weary of him right now? Did they have a fight?

"I don't understand," I say, utterly confused.

She sighs again, "While I was standing there in the kitchen, he watched me intently and I contemplated what I was going to do. I stood in the kitchen that night massaging my temples for quite some time, attempting to rein in my thoughts. I already knew you would be moving in with me immediately and would never go back to The Lenox. I don't care how much you may have fought me on it, it was not going to happen." Alice gives me a pointed look before continuing. "And I knew that we could replace your stuff, but I figured you would want it back. I went to the door to get your keys that were left in the car and he called me back, holding out his hand to show me that he already had your keys. Looking at Jasper gave me the answer. I asked Jasper to go to The Lenox to get your stuff." I look at her and she continues. "He called Emmett and Edward and the three of them went to Mike's that same morning, packed up your stuff, and brought it here." I am completely shocked, amazed, grateful, and scared all at the same time. And it must have shown on my face because Alice let out a small giggle. Again, she looks like she is going to say something and stops.

"Mike wasn't home?" I ask Alice in a whisper, avoiding her gaze.

"No," she says in a harsh tone. I let out a small sigh. Part of me is wondering where he had been that morning. It was a Saturday; he would not have been at work.

"Where is Jasper now?" I ask sheepishly.

"Well, at the moment he is probably at work."

"That's not what I meant, Ali. I mean where is he? As in, why hasn't he been here?"

"Bella, that day three weeks ago when you woke up, you were inconsolable. I was trying to comfort you and Jasper came down the hallway..."

"Yes, I remember," I cut her off mid-sentence. I don't want to remember the look on his face.

"Well, when you saw him you were terrified. You screamed into my chest. Do you remember that?" I just shake my head. I only remember pulling away from him. "When I saw your reaction, he and I both knew that he needed to stay away for the time being."

I slump down into the bed. "I'm sorry, Alice." She just smiles at me, but the smile does not reach her eyes.

"It doesn't matter," she says. She has been saying that a lot recently. I don't really believe her. "Anyway, on that first Monday, I went to your job and persuaded them to give you a leave of absence." I look up at her in awe. Somehow, I have completely forgotten about my job and I am in shock at what she might have said. She just shakes her head at me and I decide not to ask.

**~F&FS~**

Throwing back the comforter, I am not surprised to see that the sun is at half-mass in the sky. This seems to be my body's natural time to wake up now. I walk the few steps it takes for me to enter the bathroom adjoining my room and groan as my bare feet hit the cold tile. Fall is officially in full swing, and the chill is in the air. While brushing my teeth, I take a glance at myself in the mirror, something I rarely do these days, and see that my hair is completely shifted on my head. It looks like I am wearing a bad wig. Sighing to myself, I take off my clothes and cringe as the cold air hits my skin. I quickly jump into the shower and turn it on. As the cold water hits me, making the air seem even colder, I kick myself for not letting the water warm up first. Lathering up in my favorite body wash that Alice apparently has a never-ending stash of, I start to warm up and relax just a little bit. I wash my hair and run my fingers through it with my favorite shampoo and conditioner until there are no more tangles. Getting out of the shower isn't so bad honestly. The room is full of steam and is still warm. However, when I enter my room it is freezing, and I scurry over to the dresser to get out some clothes. As I slip on my favorite pair of gray sweats, I notice that they feel a little too big on me. _I must be losing weight_. I slip on a t-shirt and head over to the bedside table to retrieve my iPod. My stomach growls loudly; the sound resonating in the quiet room.

I put my ear buds in and trudge down the stairs, willing my stomach to be quiet. In the distance, I can hear the television but with my ear buds in, I am unable to make out exactly what is on the TV. Alice rarely watches TV unless it is a design show or a movie, so I figure it must be something along those lines. I am feeling marginally better. And by marginal, I mean I no longer sleep all day; it doesn't take as much of an effort for me to brush my teeth or take a shower, and Alice no longer has to play "food warden." But that also means I still cry practically everyday; I still can't force myself to get out of bed at a decent hour. I still have not been back to work or out of this house, and my only interaction has been with Alice. _It's all very similar to my life after the death of my parents._ My thoughts and memories plague me. I am thankful that my iPod is recovered in this process because when Alice is not around, it is my sole comfort. I can't focus enough to read, and I don't have any energy to cook.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, I turn the corner to walk down the short hallway towards the kitchen, watching the floor as I cross it. I am still unable to actually hold my head up out of shame and fear. I know that Alice went grocery shopping, but I am secretly hoping that the soup is in the kitchen somewhere. The same soup she has been feeding me for close to a month. I still have yet to find out where it comes from, and I wonder if I can have the recipe. I think to myself about cooking in Alice's pristine and untouched kitchen. My kitchen I guess, as we are roommates once again. A little over a week ago, we had a tiny argument about that fact. I tried to tell Alice I would find my own place, but she was not interested. "We've always lived together, Bella. I bought this place with you in mind. There is more than enough room for everyone." And by everyone, I assume she is including nights when Jasper stays over, hoping he will be able to reappear. I conceded, knowing I could not win that argument. She is right, there is more than enough room.

I reach the kitchen, looking up, and immediately stop right where I stand. My upper body jolting from my feet planting themselves so firmly on the stone tiles. There is someone standing in the kitchen, and that someone is certainly not Alice. In fact, there are two things about this individual that are very distinct from Alice. For one, they are about two feet taller and second, _he_ is a man. His back is to me as he is looking for something in the side-by-side fridge, pushing items to the side and slightly hunching over as he looks on the lower shelves. A unique shade of bronze hair flopping this way and that as his head bobs around the shelves.

"Jazz, I don't see the bottle you're talking about," his velvety voice rings out. My ear buds are in my ears so the sound is slightly muffled, but I am sure it is quite possibly the single most beautiful thing I have ever heard. _Sigh_.

Startled by something, he turns away from the fridge slightly, and I can now see part of his face as he sees me. His profile reveals a strong, angular jaw. I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up and instantly I want to run away, but I can't move. In fact, I think my body is inching in his direction slightly. I sense a pull in my stomach that is a little familiar, and I place my hand over my belly. _Am I going to throw up?_ He turns around completely to face me, and I find my eyes involuntarily reviewing him, traveling up his lean, muscular frame. Noticing his perfectly white sneakers, his artfully faded jeans slung low on his hips, my eyes continue up to his torso where I can see a sliver of white peaking out from underneath his blue t-shirt that hangs loose on his stomach and clings to his chest and upper arms. Finally, I fall upon his face and his eyebrow is cocked inquisitively and his slightly red lips pull into a tiny smirk. Then I see his eyes and my stomach muscles tighten, I think. I am too mesmerized by them to be sure. I have never seen such a pure shade of emerald green in my entire life. I grew up in Forks, I have been surrounded by nothing but green. But those eyes put all the green in Forks to shame. I know this face. I've seen it before many, many times. "_Oh God,"_ I think as I feel the blush cover my cheeks.

"It's right here, Edward. I'll show you," I hear another male voice say behind me. I turn around and see Jasper enter the kitchen, and he looks almost as shocked to see me here as I am to see him. "Hello, Bella," he says in a timid voice and then looks over at Edward. I look between Jasper and Edward and I start to panic.

"What's taking you guys so long?" I hear Alice call as she comes down the hallway. Hearing her voice breaks me from my stupor, and I turn around and run out the door and up the stairs at the front of the house to my room. Once in my room, I slam the door and fall into it. My chest heaving from the run, the panic, or both. As I fall to the floor, I hear Alice on the other side of the door.

"Bella, Bella, are you okay? I'm so sorry, Bella. I came to tell you this morning they were going to be here this afternoon to put a shelf together for your books and then watch the game, but you were asleep. I thought they would be gone before you'd wake up." I can hear the guilt and apology in her voice. I can't stand for her to feel that way.

"I'm fine, Alice," I say, finding my voice. I hear her still standing at the door. "I promise," I add, hoping that will persuade her. I hear her start to walk away slowly.

_Edward Cullen. __It is the first time I've seen Edward Cullen since my return to Washington and I'll be damned! He looks even better than I could possibly remember__._

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**A/N**

**They've met... or re-met I guess.**

**Did I describe Edward from BPOV well enough for you?**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	13. Ch 12: Reactions

**A/N: Keeping it to the point today. Thanks to cclore and PhoenixMP3 for all your hard work editing this chapter. I have a problem with capitalizing "pizza." I know. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 12: Reactions**

**Edward Cullen POV **

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"What's up man?" Tyler greets me, pulling me into a one-armed hug as I step over the threshold. Tyler Crowley went to high school with us and was on the football team with Emmett in those days. Somehow, we have managed to keep in touch, loosely. We mainly see each other when there is some kind of party going on. Tyler has always been a party-head and some things never change. There is a party at his place at least once a week. When I fired his on-again, off-again girlfriend, Lauren, I expected to not see him around much. But when he called me up to let me know about the party, he said that shit didn't matter. I should know better; guys don't hold grudges for that kind of shit. Besides, Lauren is dumb as a fucking post and he knows it.

"Ah, you know. Working, playing. Same shit, different day," I reply, looking past the door to see who else is here.

Turning around, Tyler walks back into his apartment and I follow him, taking in my surroundings. I notice that a lot of the usual people are here, but there are some new faces too. The evolution of parties at Tyler's is fun to ponder. In high school, it was sneaking booze and pulling girls into random closets. The booze sneaking was so his parents wouldn't catch us and the sneaking girls into closets was to try and hide shit from high school gossip. _Yeah, that shit never worked._ Now, the liquor is on full display; you can go into a random room and find your pick of recreational drugs, and the girls aren't so shy anymore. Walking towards the back of the apartment, I spot the alcohol and then I see Emmett off to the left of the table. He's talking to some girl, and I have to chuckle to myself. He is such a flirt, and that girl has no idea she is not going home with him tonight. I glance around a little more to see if I can find Jasper. I don't see him, so he must not be here yet. _Probably picking up Alice_. Shrugging to myself, I stroll over to where Emmett is standing and talking to the girl.

"So, Em. Rose will be back next week. I bet you can't wait for real sex and stop all that phone-fucking shit," I say to him, grabbing the bottle of Grey Goose on the table. He doesn't even realize that I have come in or that I'm standing behind him, and I have to chuckle to myself when he turns to face me. The expression on his face is amusing. He's pissed at me for running interference, but he has a stupid grin on his face. The mere mention of my sister turns that fucker into a horny bastard.

"Who's Rose?" the girl asks in a high-pitched tone. Hearing her voice, I turn to look at her, wincing at the sound. Not like I have to be concerned, but this girl probably won't be going home with Emmett, even if he was freely single. Sure, he might take her to a room or out back and let her suck his dick, but that's as far as they would get. Emmett is a peculiar motherfucker in that he only likes girls that he can put pressure on. Girls he can be rough with. Not that you can blame him, he's a big guy with a lot of energy. This tiny girl would not last five minutes with Emmett. Not to mention, she's not even really that fucking cute. I mean, she's not hideous, but there is nothing special about her. I suppose one could fuck her if you don't have to see her face. Smirking to myself, I put the cup of vodka to my lips and wait for Emmett's response as I take a sip.

"Uh, Rose...Rose is my...supermodel girlfriend," he spits out awkwardly. It doesn't even bother me. To be honest, they don't ever really title that shit. It just is. And how do you explain to a half-witted, drunk girl a concept like that? I laugh out loud and Emmett just turns to glare at me. The girl sticks out her bottom lip like she is pouting, pulling on his arm trying to get his attention, but he is already starting to ignore her.

"You're such a fucking dick," Emmett spits at me through a sneer. I can't hold in any more laughter. This shit is too fucking funny.

"I couldn't help it," I laugh out, "you should see how that shit looks from the outside. She was fucking you with her eyes and you looked so..." I can't stop laughing to finish my sentence.

"It's not like I was going to fuck her or anything," he states defensively.

"Fuck who?" Jasper asks, suddenly appearing next to us. "Why are you laughing so hard?" he asks, looking at me quizzically.

"Emmett was talking to this girl; she was eye-fucking him, and he was loving the attention. So I brought up Rose."

"It's not fucking funny," Emmett barks out, sending me into more fits of laughter. "Rose has been gone too long this time and there is only so much sexting, video chatting, and phone sex I can stand. I was just talking to the girl."

"Alright, alright," I say, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach at the mention of their standard methods for getting off at a distance. Taking another sip of my drink, I look over at Jasper and he is just staring off into space again. "No Alice?" I ask him, noticing that he is here alone. At the mention of her name, his eyes turn to me and there is a twinkle in them and then a look of sadness washes over his features.

"Nope. She's at home with Bella," he finishes, and I can almost hear the disappointment in his voice. Emmett and I exchange looks; neither one of us are sure of what to say at this moment. He has been reluctant to talk about what happened that day, often acting distracted, like he has much on his mind. Whatever took place, it has affected Jasper in a way that I haven't seen since we were younger. He hasn't seen Alice in about three weeks, which hasn't helped his mood either. It's Emmett who speaks first.

"Just give it some time." Looking over to him, Jasper just nods and then grabs the cup out of my hand and chugs the rest of my drink.

"What the fuck, man? Get your own!" I shout at him. My reaction to him must break through his mood because he starts laughing really fucking hard. "Not fucking funny. You can catch shit stealing other people's drinks."

"Nah, you may whore around, but I know you're clean. You love your dick too much to let something like that happen." Now it's my turn to laugh. That fucker is right. I pour myself another drink while Jasper reaches for the Jack and Emmett grabs another beer. Satisfied with our choices, we head out to mingle with the other party goers.

As the party progresses, more people start to show up. It always fucking amazes me how many people show up to this place, and I got here three hours after it started. Making my way around the party, I talk to a lot of people, mostly girls. All of them boring, some of them attractive, most of them fuckable. Heading back towards the liquor table for a refill, I see Jasper staring at his phone with a scowl and fervently reading something. I don't see Emmett anywhere, but knowing that fucker, he has found a Beirut game or some shit to get into. With my cup full, I walk over towards Jasper, only to be halted about halfway by a flurry of blonde hair flashing in my direct line of vision. I adjust my gaze to where I am no longer focused on where I was going, but on what is in front of me. It's the girl I was talking to earlier in the night..._Jennifer...Julia...Janet..._

_"_Hey, Edward," she giggles out my name.

"Uh. Hey,..." I pause, completely unable to recall her name. Such an insignificant detail really.

Her overeager smile falters a little bit. _Apparently not insignificant to her_. "Jessica," she stammers out.

Almost involuntarily, I feel my lips curve into a small smile and I look down at her. "Hey, Jessica." Excited either by my smile, her name on my lips, or both, she looks up at me with a wide grin and I realize we'll be fucking tonight. Looking over her shoulder, I see Jasper is now glaring at me. _What the fuck is his problem_? Shrugging off his attitude, I turn back to the blonde, and she is still grinning up at me. I put my cup to my lips and start to take a sip, looking down at her over the rim of the cup so I can see her eyes watching my every move. Her eyes travel to my hand grasping the cup, to my throat swallowing the smooth liquid, down my body and back up to my eyes. When our eyes meet again, I see the lust in hers.

"Wanna get out of here?" she asks. I almost choke on my fucking drink. _Bold_. I put my cup back to my lips and watch her squirm standing in front of me. She's waiting for my response. Draining my cup, I place it down on the table to my left. Running my hands through my hair, I glance at her one more time and start to head to the door. "Let's go," I say to her as I brush past. She doesn't miss a beat, and I can hear the excitement in her steps as her heels click on the floor. On my way to the door, I see Jasper still glaring at me and I shrug. When I reach the door, Emmett is heading down the stairs. I glance over at him and he has a smug smile on his face. _He just won whatever ridiculous thing he was playing_. My eyes avert from him to the girl walking quickly behind me. When I look back at him, I am now wearing the smug smile and he's just laughing in amusement.

"My place or yours?" she asks me once we're outside. I contemplate it for a minute. I remember her saying something about living close to here, but I like having home-turf advantage. I know people think I'm crazy because I take girls back to my place, but the security is fucking insane. So it doesn't really bother me.

"Mine. Get in." She hops into my car with a squeal, and it's all I can do to not roll my eyes._ Thank God I'm pretty laced right now_. Sliding into the driver's seat, I back out of the space and slide the gear into drive. The motion is so quick, I hear her breath catch in her throat. I smirk to myself. _This should be fun_. We ride in silence from Tyler's place to mine, and I see her looking at me from the corner of her eye. She's staring so fucking hard that it's almost unnerving.

We get to my place in record time and I hop out of the car, opting to have the car service park it for me. I reach the door and glance behind me to see Jessica just now removing herself from the passenger's side. Dazed by the speed of it all, Jessica hurries out of my car and is now chasing after me, causing me to smile just a little bit._ I really am getting too much out of this_. Almost as soon as we get in the elevator, she is all over me, kissing my neck and pulling at my clothes.

"The way you drive is so fucking hot, Edward," she moans. I have to use self-control to not laugh at her attempt to sound erotic. The elevator stops and I push her off me gently, so as not to send her flying, and head the five feet to my door. Opening the door, I step aside and let her enter first and the censor lights in the foyer turn on. It's pretty fucking late, and I'm glad I had them set to be dim; I couldn't stand the harsh lights right now. Turning back around, she throws herself at me, and I stumble back a few steps from the force. _Fuck_.

The door closes and the automatic lock clicks behind me, and I start to push her backwards; she continues to attack my neck and pull at my clothes. We reach the living room and I push her up against the couch. She wraps her arms around my neck and brings me down to kiss her. I pull away and turn her around so the front of her body is against the couch. I generally don't have a personal aversion to kissing, but that's not what I want right now. _Home-turf advantage_. I pull her skirt up and realize this girl has no fucking panties on. _Shit, now I have to check my car seats because she is wet as fuck_.

The room is almost silent except for the sounds she is making and the words she is moaning. I'm not really listening. The buzz from the excessive amount of alcohol is starting to fade, but it's still ringing in my ears. Reaching over to the end table, I pull a condom from the drawer, tear open the package with my teeth, and slide it on one handed. I can feel her squirming underneath me and giggling with anticipation. In one swift movement I push into her, and she squeals at the feeling of my cock. My head falls forward and I sigh semi-contentedly. Taking it for what it is.

**~F&FS~  
**

Parking my car at _Eclipse,_ I see that both Emmett's Hummer and Jasper's Range Rover are already there. Emmett must have had a rough night, he's never here before me. Then again, I am running late today.

Jasper, Emmett, and I are just sitting around the bar and hanging out before the staff shows up, when the side door slams open, letting in a blinding stream of light. "What the fuck?" I holler, as I use my arm to shield my eyes from the sun. The next thing I know there is a high pitch squeal and Jasper is pinned against the bar for dear life. Once my eyes adjust to the assault of the sun, I am able to clearly see that Jasper is being pinned to the bar by Alice. She must have run in from the door and jumped on him because she is completely wrapped around him. It's the funniest shit to see because he is more than twice her size, and she has him completely immobile.

"Uh, Ali, I can't breathe," Jasper whimpers out. Emmett and I just laugh so fucking hard we have to clutch our stomachs from the pain. Alice unfolds herself from Jasper, loosening her grip, never letting him go completely.

"Hey, guys," Alice says to me and Emmett, almost as an afterthought. I just roll my eyes at her one-track mind. We both greet her back.

"So, what brings you by? Is Bella better?" Jasper asks, and I realize I must be hungry because my stomach is doing that damn achy thing again. Alice takes a deep breath and shakes her head.

"No. I mean kind of. I guess. I don't know," she's rambling, and not sure what to say. "I mean, she isn't sleeping around the clock anymore. She still sleeps half the day away. She hasn't been throwing up anymore since the first week. She still cries, but less often. Sometimes I hear her when she is in the shower crying..."

"Oh, so she is more mobile then?" Jasper asks with a hopeful glance at Alice.

"Well, yeah. I would say so. But she still cries so much. And she has these terrible dreams that wakes her up screaming in the middle of the night. It's just like when we were kids all over again. I don't have to watch her eat now; she is doing that on her own for the most part. Though not as much as I'd like," Alice concludes and a tear leaves her eye and starts to slide down her cheek. Almost instantly, Jasper's hand is there to wipe it away.

"Just give it time," he says to Alice somberly, repeating the same words Emmett said to him at Tyler's party. Jasper pulls Alice into his arms and I don't think Emmett or I even realize it, but we had moved closer to her while she was telling the story about Bella. Without thinking, I wrap my arms around her and Emmett follows suit. The three of us wrapping ourselves around Alice almost to cocoon her. We stand there for a few moments before Emmett breaks the silence.

"You know, Alice. If you wanted to cop a feel all you had to do was ask. Tears aren't necessary." And then Emmett is doubled over, clutching his stomach. Before Jasper can do or say anything, the little pixie elbows him right in the stomach. Watching Emmett fold over sends us all into hysterics and the somber mood is broken.

"So, I do have a favor to ask," Alice starts, "I could have called, but I really wanted to see Jasper. And Bella is still sound asleep so I took the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone." She looks around at all three of us. Emmett is still holding his stomach and she grins at him. Jasper is clutching her hand and is fully concentrating on her. She looks at me last and rolls her eyes at my quirked eyebrow. The last time she had a favor to ask, I thought I was going to have to bail my best friends out of jail or hire a fucking top lawyer to get them off murder charges. Once she realizes she has our undivided attention, she continues, "Bella, has a lot of books..."

"Shit, you're telling me? That's a fucking understatement," Emmett says, clearly remembering how many books we had to move form Mike's.

Alice shoots him a cursory glance, and he shuts up so she can continue. "Anyway, I ordered this massive bookshelf for those books to go into the room I have been transforming for her these past few weeks." She stops and she looks at us again. "I need you to come over and put it together on Sunday. I want to finish the room over the weekend. She is getting better and just like I have my studio, I want her to have a room that she doesn't sleep in to do her work and hobbies." There is a long silence; I'm pretty sure everyone is waiting to make sure she doesn't have anymore to add.

"Ok, sure," I say. Alice's eyes snap to mine and she looks alarmed. "What?" I ask, not understanding her reaction.

"Nothing, I was...just...I expected you to fight me on it. That's all," Alice replies. I roll my eyes at her and Jasper starts to talk, taking her attention off of me.

"Ali, are you sure that's a good idea? Isn't Bella going to be home? You remember how she reacted the last time she saw me there," Jasper asks her. Listening to his question, I remind myself to ask him more about that later. Maybe that's why he's been acting so fucking odd, and it's not only because he hasn't been fucked in three weeks.

"Yes, I'm sure. She'll be asleep the whole time you guys are there. You'll be gone before she wakes up," Alice assures Jasper.

Emmett speaks, and it's the first time since Alice socked him in the gut. "Sunday, huh? Can we watch the game too? We can get pizza," Emmett says with a grin. Alice just chuckles at him and nods in agreement.

"Ok, Sunday it is. Now if you'll excuse us, I'm going to spend some time with my girlfriend," Jasper says, wrapping his arms around Alice's waist and lifting her in the air. She squeals as he carries her to the stairs and out of eyesight. I look at Emmett, and I chuckle at the two of them, as you can hear Alice still giggling on the way up. Emmett is not smiling back at me. He's just straight faced.

"Uh, alright. I've got to get some actual fucking work done. Are you good?" I ask him, running my hands through my hair.

"Yeah, man, I'm good. I think I'm going to go work out for a bit. I'll be back later," he says, heading out the door towards where our cars are parked.

"You know what? I think I'll join you. I don't want to hear anything those two are doing," I say, catching up with him at the door. We just laugh to each other as we head out and lock the door behind us.

**~F&FS~  
**

When we get back, Alice is just leaving and Leah, Seth, and a few other employees start to arrive. Emmett and I head upstairs to the offices to find Jasper standing behind his desk, tracing a random pattern with the pen in his hand. Emmett moves into Jasper's office, and I perch myself along the door frame, waiting for him to say something. Time drags on forever before Jasper exhales loudly and looks over to us.

"The day we moved Bella's stuff into Mike's house, I saw Bella..." Jasper trails off. This is a piece of information we fucking already know, but I figure he is leading into whatever he has to say. So I do my best to put my fucking patience in check.

"After you left, Edward, Alice ran upstairs in a hurry. Emmett was probably gone less than two minutes later. It felt like an eternity, but Alice never came back downstairs. I started to move toward the bottom of the stairs to see if I could hear anything. I could hear Alice trying to hush Bella and these awful sobbing sounds were coming from the same direction. I went upstairs. Something told me I should have just left, but I went upstairs. I reached the room where Bella was sleeping and I froze. Bella was all curled up into a ball in Alice's lap. Her entire body was shaking, convulsing. Her sobs were heartbreaking. So loud and raw like they were threatening to break her. It was fucking awful. I just watched Alice as tears formed in her eyes and she tried so hard to get Bella to calm down. It just wasn't working. I took one step forward to see if there was anything I could do, and Alice lifted her arm to wave me off. At the same moment, Bella looked up from her hole in Alice's embrace and my eyes locked with hers..." Jasper stops talking and his office is filled with a fucking sickening silence. Nothing but the sound of his pen tracing a random design.

"So, what happened?" Emmett asks and I'm glad it was him and not me. I am getting fucking anxious. Jasper doesn't answer immediately, but the pause didn't last as long as before.

"She fucking freaked out," he begins, "she let out a blood curdling scream, and it was quite powerful for someone so small. And she pushed herself back on the bed, banging her body against the headboard. Trying to get away from me." At this point, Jasper looks up at us and his eyes are glossy, but I can't tell if he's angry or upset. "Alice waved me off and I left. I've barely seen Alice since then, but that's not what upsets me. What's killing me is Bella, so broken and afraid. I don't know what made her react that way. The look on her face..." he trails off, looking over to me and a tear falls. I watch the tear fall down to his desk, and when I look back up into his eyes, the murderous look is back. Running my fingers through my hair and tugging at the ends, I know we have a fucking problem.

The three of us leave _Eclipse_ and leave it to Leah to keep things going that night. This will hardly be a problem as _Eclipse_ is a well-oiled machine that basically runs itself.

**~F&FS~  
**

It's Sunday, and the three of us pile into Jasper's Range Rover and head out from Seattle to Forks to help Alice by setting up a massive bookcase. Apparently, she's been busying herself over the last three weeks to create a room for Bella. I guess kind of like a study. Though knowing Alice, there is a much more girly term for it. Reaching Alice's house, the three of us hop out and stand on the porch while Jasper lightly knocks. _He is fucking afraid to go in there_. Alice appears at the door almost instantly and ushers us inside, pulling Jasper into a deep fucking kiss. I just turn my head while Emmett chuckles about it. _Fucking voyeur_. After a few moments, it's decided that Emmett is going to go out and get the pizza while Alice shows me and Jasper where the bookcase is going to be.

Jasper walks into the living room and turns the TV onto the game and turns the volume up a little bit so we can hear it in the other room. It's just pre-game talk, so it's not much to pay attention to. "This won't wake her up?" he asks Alice, wondering if the sound of the TV will disturb Bella's sleep.

"No, she's very much asleep," Alice replies.

"Are you sure?" he asks, almost flinching, and I can only imagine why.

"Jasper," Alice starts, pointing a finger at him, "I have known Bella my ENTIRE life, I know how she sleeps," she says indignantly. I'm glad Jasper didn't pursue his original line of questioning. She might physically hurt him for second guessing her. As a matter of fact, I'm fucking scared of Alice right now.

Showing us into the room, Alice explains to us what she wants and is very clear that it must be done the way she is explaining in order for it to fit into the room the way she envisions. I look around the room, and although it's not finished, I realize that Alice has gone all out as usual. There is a tarp covering the furniture and buckets of paint in the corner. The only wall that is painted is the wall where the bookcase will go. That wall is a light shade of some creamy, yellowish color. Jasper and I get to work as Alice leaves the room to do whatever Alice does. I honestly couldn't tell you how long we've been in here, but most of the fucking pieces are assembled and there are only a few left, and then we can put it up.

"Leave it to Emmett to miss the hard part," Jasper says laughing. I just laugh to myself. Emmett loves building stuff, but he loves eating more.

"I bet he ate all the pizza and had to go back and get more," I say and that sets us both laughing more, but we stop when Alice comes into the room.

"Shhh, you two have no idea how loud your laughs are," she says with a wink and leaves the room.

"I'm going to use the bathroom, I'll be right back," I call over my shoulder as I leave the room.

"Hey, while you're out there can you get me the cream soda in the fridge? There should be a can on the second shelf," Jasper asks, and I shudder at his request. I fucking hate cream soda. That shit is so fucking nasty. It's the Texan in him that makes him like that shit.

Leaving the bathroom, I enter the kitchen and stroll over to the fridge. Alice's kitchen always amazes me. It's almost completely untouched. On my way to the fridge, I see that the toaster is out. _I bet that is the only appliance she uses_. It makes me wonder what exactly she's been feeding Bella since she can't cook for shit. I reach the fridge, and I don't see the fucking bottle of nasty fucking cream soda on the second shelf. Maybe Alice threw it away because I doubt she drinks that nasty shit. She has taste. I look a little harder, and I still don't see what he's talking about.

I feel an ache in my stomach. _Must be hungry. Emmett better get here with the pizza soon_.

"Jazz, I don't see the can you're talking about," I call out.

Frustrated, but still looking in the fridge, I hear something that resembles a tiny gasp startling me from what I'm doing. I turn my head to the side to see who's standing there and I'm taken aback. Logically, I know it can't be Alice because she knows I am in the house. But I honestly have forgotten that there is anyone else in the house. Turning around completely, I see that it is not Alice and using reason, it must be Bella. But this is not the Bella I remember from high school. I barely recognize her. I didn't spend much time with her in school, but I knew who she was. And whenever Alice was around Jasper, Bella would be close by somewhere. Looking at her now, I can see she has clearly grown up from the girl who used to walk the halls with her nose in a book and a hoodie over her head. The girl who was known for walking into shit. I take a moment to fully take in her appearance. Her hair is long and shiny, and it's splayed out over her shoulders. She is wearing some gray pants that look like sweat pants, but they must be the girly kind and they are definitely too big for her as they are hanging dangerously low on her waist. Her t-shirt is pink and has some random numbers on it making it look like a sports jersey, but it's pink, so probably not. I notice that the color of her skin is deepening and it's starting to match the color of her shirt. _Do girls still blush_?

At the same time I am taking her in, she is gawking at me. She must like what she sees, because a small smile plays on her lips as her eyes roam my body from my sneakers up to my face. She lingers on my waist for just a moment longer and by the time she reaches my eyes, I find myself smirking. She realizes that I'm looking at her and the look of shock that comes over her features to cover whatever was there before is priceless. Looking into her eyes, I see the hollows underneath are dark, indicating she hasn't been sleeping and she appears sad beneath everything else. I open my mouth to say something...

"It's right here, Edward. I'll show you," Jasper says as he enters the kitchen and stops about two feet away from Bella. Both of them look at each other, almost shocked. "Hello, Bella," he says in a timid voice. And I just stand there and watch as the fog of awkward silence descends on the room, and Bella continues to shift her gaze between me and Jasper.

"What's taking you guys so long?" Alice's voice rings down the hallway. Almost like a gunshot, Bella takes off and runs from the kitchen. I hear her feet going up the stairs and then a door slams with such force, Jasper and I both jump a little. I hear Alice call after Bella as she runs towards the stairs and completely bypasses the kitchen. Jasper and I just stand there in stunned silence. Both of us fucking confused about what just happened.

Alice comes back into the kitchen with tears in her eyes. "You guys should go when Emmett gets back." I stand there and look at her and then look over to Jasper. I can just see the pain radiate between them. Jasper and I go back to the room and finish the bookcase, waiting on Emmett. Just as we're done and heading back down the hallway, Emmett comes in with the pizzas.

"It's about fucking time," Jasper says to him in a menacing tone. "We've finished the entire fucking bookcase and scared the shit out of Bella and you are just now getting back here with the pizza!" He is all but shouting at this point.

"Sorry man, I..." Emmett begins before Alice cuts him off.

"It doesn't matter, but you guys should go. Deal with it in the car." Emmett and I give Alice a hug and head out to the porch to wait for Jasper. Of course, Emmett brings three of the pizzas with him and leaves one behind for Alice. I just look at him and shake my head, causing him to laugh lightly. Jasper exits the house with his head down and strolls over to his car. We all get in, and the ride home is almost silent. Usually, it's not a big fucking deal. But today, it's too much.

"I see what you mean, Jazz. About her freaking out," I say, trying to break the silence as we ride back.

"Yeah, but it wasn't the same as the last time I was there. This time she looked confused and maybe conflicted," pausing as if he is trying to gather his thoughts, "but when I came into the kitchen, it was clear that she certainly was not terrified of you." I just sit back in my seat, trying to understand what he just said. Thinking back on the brief moment in the kitchen, I realize that she didn't seem terrified when we were stuck staring at each other. She seemed more curious and amused. By the time she ran from the room, she did seem confused. _I wonder why_.

**~F&FS~  
**

It's been a few days since the ordeal at Alice and Bella's. Alice came by _Eclipse_ on Monday to assure us that Bella was fine, but neither Jasper or I were convinced. But what the fuck could you do?

I arrive at my parents' and park in the garage next to Esme's Porsche Cayenne as always. I sigh to myself before opening the car door to go inside. Up until recently, dinner with my parents wasn't such a big deal, but Esme has become hell bent on setting me up with every, suitable to her standards, fucking girl in the Pacific Northwest. So, it has come to the point where I no longer know what to expect before I get here. Walking into the house, I can hear the classical music streaming in from the speakers sporadically placed around the house. _Bocelli, mom is feeling romantic_. Walking towards the kitchen, I hear the familiar sounds of Esme cooking and I smile to myself. I know how to cook, but I rarely have the time. Plus, nothing beats a home cooked meal. "Hi, mom," I say as I enter the room. She must not have heard me enter the house because she jumps about two feet into the air.

"Edward Anthony, how many times do I have to tell you NOT to sneak up on people?" she says in a stern tone as she turns around to look at me.

"Sorry, mom. I can't help it that I'm stealthy," I reply with a smile. She has never been able to be mad at me for long. She puts on her own smile and glides across the kitchen with her arms open to embrace me. I meet her halfway and lean down to give her a kiss on the cheek while she stands on her toes to wrap her arms around my shoulders. Suddenly, I hear a stifled giggle from the corner. Spinning around to see who or what made the sound, I see a woman sitting in the corner. Looking back at Esme, she has a sheepish smile on her face. I have to resist the strong urge to roll my eyes at the situation._ Not another fucking matchmaking session_.

"Edward, this is Gianna. Gianna, this is Edward. My son," my mom introduces us. Trying not to forget my manners, I walk over to shake her hand. In another situation, I may have had a different reaction. The girl is no doubt attractive. She has long legs, blonde hair, and green eyes. Her features are soft and feminine. Not as beautiful as my sister, but I bet Gianna doesn't have a problem dating.

"Gianna is the daughter of Dr. & Mrs. Winckleman." _Ah, a doctor's daughter._ "Perhaps you two should get acquainted, caro." I feel my jaw clench and almost instantly Esme reaches up to rub the base of my neck where my hairline stops and my neck begins. Something she has done since I was a child to soothe me.

"Nice to meet you, Edward. Your mother has told me so much about you," Gianna says after my mother finishes her mini introduction.

"Likewise. Let's go into the den," I say, leading her out, turning back to shoot my mother a look. I catch her eye, and she is glancing at me wearily, cautioning me to behave. It's not that she thinks I will do anything unsavory towards Gianna or inappropriate. She is probably more worried that I'll scare her off by being aloof. I can't say that I blame her; it's a typical outcome. Reaching the den, I offer Gianna a drink and she opts for a gin and tonic, and I pour myself a scotch. When she finishes her drink, Gianna excuses herself to the restroom. While she's gone, I move over to the window and find myself staring off into the setting sun.

"A lot on your mind?" I hear a familiar voice ask. Turning around, I see my dad standing in the doorway with a large grin plastered on his face. I groan out loud, and he chuckles at the sound. "I'll take that as a 'yes' then."

"Not really. I just don't know why mom is so persistent on setting me up with people. It's starting to piss me off," I grumble. Carlisle walks over to the cart in the corner and pours himself a scotch, then comes to join me by the window. It's quiet for a few moments before he speaks.

"She just wants your happiness, Edward."

"I am happy. I don't know why she is under the impression that I'm miserable or something," I reply, running my hands through my hair. I truly did find this whole fucking scenario frustrating. "Can't I just have dinner with my parents?"

"I know, son. Just humor her. I will talk to her. She'll be happy to know that you just want to share dinner with us," he finishes with a chuckle as Gianna comes back into the room. "Gianna, it's nice to see you again. Give your father my regards," he says as he leaves the room.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen. It's great to see you as well. I will. Thank you." Gianna and I settle into some mundane conversation about having a doctor for a father when Esme comes in to tell us it's time for dinner. Dinner is long and unenjoyable at first. I am not sure who Gianna is trying to impress more, me or my parents. Every now and again, I look up and my eyes meet Gianna's when she thinks my parents aren't looking, fucking me with her eyes. At one point, it's so amusing I have to chuckle to myself. Esme hears me and asks me if I was alright. When I look over at Carlisle, he has an accusatory look on his face._ It's not me, it's her, _I want to say, but I just let it go.

When dinner is over, we retire to the den for a drink before Gianna says she needs to get going. Esme and Carlisle say goodnight, and Esme returns to the kitchen while Carlisle goes to his study. I walk Gianna out to her car in silence. When we reach her car, she presses the button to unlock it, and I walk her over to the driver's side door, opening it to help her inside.

"I really enjoyed meeting you, Edward. I hope I can see you again sometime," she says, running the index finger of her right hand up and down my left arm. I can't help myself. I smile at her; that crooked smile that women love. Watching her face, I see her look down at my lips and then slowly meet my gaze again.

"I think that can be arranged," I say, leaning in closer to her face, watching as her lips part slightly. "Give me your phone." She hands over her phone, and I put my number in her address book and hand it back to her. Meeting her gaze again, she looks at me expectantly, and I laugh internally as I step backwards, keeping my hand on the door. I can feel the want radiating from her body. "Have a good night, Gianna," I conclude with finality and a smile. She blinks hard a few times before sliding into the car.

"Goodnight, Edward."

Walking back into the house, Carlisle is standing just beyond the door as I enter. "You are worse than I was at your age," he says, laughing as Esme comes from around the corner, drying her hands on a towel.

"Whoever lands you is going to have their hands full, caro" she says, and the three of us just start laughing.

"Please, mom. No more blind setups okay?" I ask, looking at her with pleading eyes. She pauses for a moment, contemplating my request, but I know I have already won this battle.

"Fine, Edward. But if you make it to thirty without a serious relationship, I am having you committed." She is so adorably determined that I can't help but laugh. My father looks down at her with an adoring smile and pulls her into a kiss. I stand there for a moment before I can't take anymore.

"I'm leaving. Get a room," I say as I turn to walk down the hall. I love my parents. I love that they love each other. But I really do not like seeing them love each other.

"Goodnight, dear," Esme says in a muffled voice as she has yet to pull her mouth away from my father. Sighing, I walk back through the house to the garage and get into my car. As I shut the door from the garage to the house, I hear my mother squeal and the sound of running feet up the stairs. A small shudder runs down my spine._ I really don't want to know_. Getting into my car, I turn the music up and back out to head home. About halfway between my parents' house and my place, I hear the familiar trill of my phone, letting me know I have a text message.

_"We can have a GREAT night together."_

Looking at the text, I don't even have to know who sent it. I just text back my address and keep driving.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Translation**

_Caro-_ dear

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**


	14. Ch 13: Restoration

**A/N: Welcome to the longest chapter I have written so far. I'm exhausted!**

**Thanks to cclore for the awesome beta skills.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 13: Restoration**

**Bella Swan POV**

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I'm getting restless. It's been five days since I was stuck between Jasper and Edward in the kitchen and ran out. It's been five days since I realized that I did not have a total, emotional breakdown from being stuck in that situation. For the past five days, I have been fighting with myself over whether or not I am ready to try and live a "normal" life again or stay inside the comfy cave Alice has carved out for me. Five whole days and I don't have a clue.

I'm sitting on my bed, my hair is pulled up on top of my head, my back is resting against the head board and my head is cushioned by some of the most comfortable pillows I have ever touched. I have my ear buds in my ears as my iPod plays an all too familiar playlist. I'm typing furiously on my Mac, trying to get my thoughts out. Staring down at the screen, I realize that I have been typing a whole lot of nothing. I wanted to type a pros and cons list to help me make a decision. Pros and cons lists are the perfect, rational way to determine the direction I need to take. I've been making them for years. It's like second nature to me. So why does my screen read like this:

Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen...

For nearly an entire page? For five days, I have also been consumed with thoughts about Edward Cullen. The perfect curve of his jaw. The way his jeans sit low on his hips. The way his hair moves as if it has a life of its own. The way his plump, red lips curve into a smirk. And those eyes. I have yet to come across an adequate way to describe them._ Sigh_. Shaking my head to try and come back to reality, I realize that this is not going to get me any closer to fixing my problem.

Closing my laptop, I climb out of bed and throw on my hoodie resting at the foot of the bed as I head towards the door. Walking into the hallway, I listen to see if I can figure out where Alice is, before I spend an hour trying to find her. I stand there for a minute or so until I hear her voice coming from the direction of her studio. Moving in that direction, I realize that I have no idea why I am going to see Alice. I think that maybe if I talk to her about what I've been thinking, she can help me make some sense out of it. Help me make the right decision. Reaching the door to her studio, I hear her on the phone. I'm about to knock on the door when I hear the tone of her voice. She sounds sad. Instead of knocking to make myself known, I stand in the hallway and listen. I know it's wrong; I know I shouldn't eavesdrop, but I have to know. For a moment, I think about coming back later and ask her what's bothering her, but then I hear her talking.

_"I don't know," _she says, and there is a pause. The person on the other end must be talking.

_"I miss you too, Jasper." _She's talking to Jasper. I settle in and listen to the conversation.

_"She is doing better, but I still don't know any specific details, and I don't know when or if she'll ever be okay around you or anyone..."_

_"I know she seemed different the other day, but..."_

_"I love you, too. I'll call you later. Bye._"

I feel tears pricking at the back of my eyes and I can't go in her studio now. I can't face her with these tears, knowing that I am the cause of her sadness. I walk back down the hallway towards the kitchen, but stop in the bathroom on the way. Looking at myself in the mirror, I stare at my reflection. I splash some water on my face, hoping it will help to rinse the tear lines from my cheeks. Satisfied with the results, I leave the bathroom and head into the kitchen. I'm surprised when I see Alice there. _I guess I was in the bathroom longer than I thought_. I see her struggling with the coffee maker again. Inhaling a deep breath, I know what I have to do. It's now or never.

"Let me do that, Ali. You know how well you get along with appliances," I say, approaching her at the coffee maker and giving her a small smile. She smiles back at me, clearly thankful that she doesn't have to buy another coffee maker after destroying this one.

"Thanks, Bella. I could buy a brand new Dior dress with the amount of money I spend on these things." She moves out of the way and perches herself onto the counter. We have this argument all the time. And I always tell her that it's her own fault for buying these expensive, Italian contraptions. I join her on the counter once I get the coffee maker in order and brewing.

"Ali," I start, and she looks at me expectantly. I can still see the sadness in her eyes, even though she is trying to hide it. "I...I've been thinking. And I think it's time that I start getting back to parts of my normal life." Alice looks at me for a minute, analyzing my face. Probably to see if I am hiding anything. I am starting to feel uncomfortable, and if she doesn't say anything soon, I might lose my nerve.

"Like what?" she asks hesitantly.

"Oh. I guess I can ease back into it. Start by being around others and then go back to work soon. Like in a week or so." I don't actually have a plan. I'm winging it. I wasn't sure about what I was going to do until I heard Alice on the phone. But I realize that my reluctance is not only hurting me, but also hurting her and even Jasper indirectly; I know I have to do something. My earlier restlessness has blossomed into determination as I mentally prepare to set my plan into action. Alice stares at me for another moment before she lunges at me across the counter, too excited to contain herself.

"Really, Bella? That makes me so happy. Please don't feel like you have to be pushed into anything. If you're ready, I'm here for you." I know she also means if I'm ready to talk, but I'm not. And I don't think I ever will be, but this I can do. I can pick up the pieces and be "normal."

"Ali, I want to have Jasper over for dinner," I state, barely able to breathe from her tight grip. Pulling away from me, Alice looks at me with a puzzled expression.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," is all I can say. I'm not sure I would be able to say much more than that if I could even find the words.

"He'll love that, Bella. Just love it. I'll let him know," Alice says as she hops down from the counter and practically skips out of the kitchen and down the hallway. Completely forgetting about her coffee.

I turn off the coffee maker and head back upstairs to my room. It's pretty late on a Friday afternoon, so I will have to wait until Monday to call my job and make plans to return the following Monday. I sit down on my bed and flip open my Mac out of habit, completely forgetting what is waiting for me as the last thing I left open.

Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen...

_Maybe one day, I can cook for Edward. _

I must have dozed off because the next thing I know, I hear Alice's voice. "Bella, are you awake?" Groggily, I sit up, rubbing my eyes and noticing that the sun is setting. Since it's fall, it's still kind of early. I pick up my phone and notice that it's only a little after 6:00. I only slept for about an hour.

"Yeah, Alice. I'm up."

"No you weren't, silly. I can see the sleep lines all over your face." Her shift in attitude from earlier today helps me to confirm that I am making the right decision. "Jasper said Sunday will be good. Saturday is a pretty busy night at _Eclipse_ and Emmett won't be around because Rose is in town and Edward is doing something else. They usually like to have at least one of them there on Saturdays," she continues talking, but my mind is stuck on the fact that Edward will be doing something else._ I wonder what? I have no idea why I can't stop thinking about him, or why I care what he is doing. What has got into me?_

"Bella, are you listening to me?"

"Huh, yeah. Sorry. I'm still waking up," I lie, not wanting her to know what I was thinking. Then I realize the screen to my computer is still up with Edward's name all over the page. Trying to think fast before she notices, I suggest we get some of that coffee we neglected earlier.

"How about this, you go take a shower and get comfortable and then meet me downstairs." I can't help but roll me eyes at her. "What?"

"I should have known that you would turn this into an event." She just giggles at my annoyance and bounces off towards the door. "See you in a few, Bella."

"Hey, Ali?" I call before she is out the door; she turns around with a smile on her face. "What's Jasper's favorite meal?" As if it were possible, her smile gets bigger. I think that the excitement is going to pour out of her.

"That's easy. Country fried steak with mashed potatoes, white gravy, and corn. The potatoes have to be those little red ones." I can't help it; I have to laugh. "What's so funny?"

"It's funny that you can't cook one bit, but you know his entire favorite meal down to the kind of potatoes." She joins me in laughing. The humor of the situation is entirely unavoidable.

I hop off my bed and then dart back for a second. I open up my laptop and debate over whether to delete the document or not. I choose to save it, but give it an uninteresting title in case anyone stumbles on it, "five" for the five days I have been unable to get him off of my mind. Who knows why I choose to save it, but I do. Closing the screen and placing the laptop on my pillow, I head to the bathroom to take a shower as instructed.

**~F&FS~  
**

Saturday came and went in a flash and the next thing I know, it's Sunday. Most of the day passes by completely without incident. After seasoning the steaks, I spend most of the day sitting on the porch with coffee and a book. Alice comes out a few times to check on me and make sure I wasn't freezing to death, but for the most part she's been in a flurry around the house. The way she has been acting all day, you'd think tonight is going to be her first date with Jasper. I'm nervous too. Last week, in the kitchen, Jasper seemed fine. Not quite like the night Alice took me to Eclipse, but definitely not like our most recent encounter. No matter what I do, I can't shake the image of him glaring at me from the doorway. I'm not sure what to expect tonight and it scares me. I'm hoping the kind, caring Jasper that Alice is in love with shows up.

I check my phone and see that it's 4:00. Jasper is due for dinner at 6:00. Forcing myself up from my comfy spot, I go back inside and begin to get ready for dinner.

The doorbell rings promptly at 6:00 and my body tenses up at the sound, causing me to drop one of the plates in my hand. I stand there in shock for a moment and watch as the plate shatters across the floor. _Great, Bella. You're off to a wonderful start_. I bend down to pick up the pieces just as Alice and Jasper enter the kitchen.

"Bella, what happened?" Alice asks me when she sees the mess on the floor. I look up at her from my crouched stance and then look over to Jasper. He's frowning. Looking back down at the shattered pieces, I try to fight back the tears that are threatening to pour over my eyelids.

"Let me get that for you," Jasper offers, crouching down in front of me. Completely shocked by his sudden appearance in front of me, I fall back into a sitting position on the floor. Jasper is looking at me and for a brief moment, I see sadness in his expression and then it disappears into a smile. He reaches out his hand to me and after staring at it for a moment, I take it hesitantly. In a swift movement, Jasper pulls me to standing and I hear Alice exhale a loud breath. Looking around Jasper, I see her standing in the doorway wearing an expression of relief. Looking back at Jasper, he is still wearing the small smile, and I study his expression for a moment. I don't see any of the malice I saw that day in the doorway. Suddenly relieved, I return his small smile with one of my own, and I am rewarded with a bigger smile from Jasper. I'm starting to relax and feel much more at ease. Breaking our gaze, I look down and realize he still has my hand in his. Jasper drops my hand and crouches down to pick up the larger pieces of shattered plate and then I see him go over to the closet and pick up the broom and dust pan to pick up the smaller pieces. Eventually, I stop watching him and move to the cabinet to get another plate.

"I'm sorry, Ali. I dropped the plate and it shattered."

"Don't worry about it, Bella. It's just an excuse to go shopping," Alice replies, brushing off my apology. Jasper lets out a low snort.

"Yeah, right. Like _you_ need an excuse to go shopping." I can't believe it, but I am actually laughing. I'm relieved to know I am not the only one who finds Alice's need to shop a little over the top. And Jasper says it with such a straight face that I can't help but laugh. Looking over at Alice, she is playfully glaring at Jasper. Looking over to Jasper, he is looking at me and all traces of sadness that were there a few minutes ago are gone.

Dinner is going well. After Jasper's comment about Alice's shopping addiction, she pouts for a little while, but eventually gets over it. I am so happy for that little comment because it has broken the thick wall of ice that is standing between Jasper and me.

"Bella, this is fantastic. This is my favorite meal. How did you know?" Jasper asks, shoveling more food in his mouth.

"Alice. She knew the entire meal right down to the 'little red potatoes'," I say, using air quotes around little red potatoes. Jasper turns his head to look at Alice and there is so much love in his eyes, that it almost hurt me to see it. When I turn my head to look at Alice, she is swallowing every ounce of love he is sending her. Feeling like I am interrupting a private moment, I lower my head down to my plate. I chance another look at Alice and she is looking at me now, scanning my face to sense my emotions.

"But it was Bella's idea to have you over for dinner. Bella wanted to make sure she made something you liked, so she asked me what your favorite meal was. And I may know that it has to be the little red potatoes, but Bella actually cooked them," Alice says, putting the spotlight back on me. I appreciate her acknowledging my cooking, but it's not like Jasper would actually think she cooked it. And now I feel uncomfortable because the attention is back on me. Up until recently, the Alice and Jasper dynamic had been one-dimensional. And when it became two-dimensional, I wasn't around it long enough to be able to appreciate it before my behavior sent him away. So being around love so real and so thick makes me ache in a way. Once again, longing for something I did not know I was missing.

"It truly is delightful, Bella. The best I've had I must say. Thank you," Jasper says looking directly at me with a wide and genuine grin. The uneasiness I felt moments ago seems to disappear the wider his smile gets. Taking advantage of the new sense of calm, I decide it's best to plunge in with what I have been thinking. I know it has to be now or never.

"Jasper, would you like to come to dinner again? Like, sometime soon?" I ask, looking down at my hands in my lap, too nervous to look at him or Alice. There is a short pause and I start to feel a little uneasy again.

"I'd love too," he says and I can hear the smile in his voice. Feeling the courage from his smiling voice, I look up at him and I feel comforted, soothed.

"Do you think Emmett and Edward would like to come? I'd like to thank them as well." Jasper's eyes grow wide in shock and when I look over to Alice, her jaw is almost on the floor. When I turn back to face Jasper, he is wearing that impossibly wide grin again.

"I will check if they're free, but I'm sure they'd love to," he says, picking up his phone and starting to press buttons. I look over at Alice and I think she's floating, literally.

I start to clean up the table, but Jasper offers to do it for me. I refuse at first, but then decide he can help Alice clear the table while I work on the dishes. While we're cleaning up the kitchen, Jasper's phone goes off and he picks it up and looks at it. Reading the screen, he chuckles to himself. "What's funny?" Alice asks him, perturbed for being on the outside of what is making Jasper laugh.

"They both say dinner is cool and Sunday will work, if that's okay with you," he states, looking at me for my approval. I'm not sure what to say, so I simply nod. Jasper is watching my reaction, and Alice takes that chance to lunge at him and grab his cell phone. Next thing I know, she is swatting him on the arm.

Coming over to the sink, Alice huffs standing next to me. "Apparently, they misunderstood Jasper and thought I was going to be cooking so they stayed away. Otherwise, they would have come tonight. And Emmett has some colorful words about that." I can't help myself. I have to laugh at Alice's frustration. And almost as if my laugh gave him permission to laugh, Jasper starts to laugh too. I am secretly glad they had misunderstood and did not come with Jasper tonight, but I would never admit that out loud. I make some coffee and we drink it in the clean kitchen and chitchat for a while. It is amazing to me how easy the conversation flows. The Jasper here tonight was not the observant man at Eclipse or the brooding man from the hallway. The Jasper here tonight is the Jasper that Alice talks about. Over the remainder of his time here, he never makes me feel insignificant or irrelevant. He always tries to include me.

Jasper gets up to go and I find that I am kind of sad to see him leave. Alice and I walk him to the door and he turns to me, but doesn't say anything at first. I feel kind of awkward, but I need this moment. So I suck it up and dive in. "Jasper, I want to say thank you..."

"For what, darling?" he asks, interrupting me. I just stare for a second, completely startled by his term of endearment. Regaining my voice, I find the ability to continue.

"For everything. Thank you for loving Alice, thank you for retrieving my stuff from..." _I can't even say it now, _"and thank you for giving me...time. I know it wasn't fair to you or Alice. But thank you." I look over at Alice and she has three tears streaming down her cheeks, but she is sort of smiling.

"Bella, don't mention it. I was happy to do it for you. Yes, I don't like the circumstance that brought us to that point, but that doesn't matter. I know Edward and Emmett feel the same way. We would do it again if we needed to," he finishes, pulling Alice's hand into his own. I stand there staring at the floor, listening to Jasper, and I think I hear a harsher tone in his voice when he mentions the circumstance that lead them to move my belongings. I feel a small tinge of anxiety at that tone, but with the rest of his statement, it goes away.

"Thank you," I say again as I turn to head towards the stairs. Part of me wants to give him a big hug, but I need to process everything that has happened tonight, and I am starting to feel overwhelmed. "I'll see you Sunday," I call over my shoulder. Reaching my room, I throw myself on the bed. Dinner with Jasper was great. It went really well. I even think he likes me. And that puts me somewhat at ease. But now I have the bigger problem of serving dinner for three grown men in a week. I'm nervous. What can I cook for Edward Cullen? Alice comes by a short while later to make sure I am okay. I tell her I am fine, and I just have a lot of information to process. She offers to be my ear if I need or want to talk and says she will be in her studio working on a dress design.

I fall asleep soon after running through a mental Rolodex of what I can make Edward Cullen for dinner on Sunday. It has completely escaped my mind that Emmett, Jasper, Alice and I will also be eating.

**~F&FS~  
**

Sunday morning is here and I jump upright in bed at the sound of my alarm. I am going to need some fresh ingredients for the meal tonight, so I have to head over to the other side of Forks by La Push to get the ingredients from the only farmer's market still open this late in the season. Walking around the market, I recall the first time I came here with my mother.

_Renee was going through a still life photography phase and liked to come here to pick up subjects for her latest idea. I was very young, but I remember the first time like it was yesterday. It was a late summer morning and the sun was trying to break through the thick blanket of clouds. "It won't rain today," she would say, just like she said every morning and every day the sky would prove her wrong. We made our way through the market; Renee had one hand on her basket and the other gripped my hand tenderly while I clutched to the Dr. Seuss book in my hand. After the market, we were going to head to the park and she was going to read it to me. I remember stopping at several vendors and Renee examined various things until she found what she was looking for. On our way to the register to pay, there was a vendor who had baskets full of candies. Tugging on Renee's hand, I lead her over to the vendor and pointed to the candies. Chuckling at me, Renee looked at the vendor and then down at me, "Just one, or your father will kill me for ruining your beautiful teeth before they even grow in," she said. She reached into the basket and picked out a cherry-vanilla hard candy, unwrapped it and handed it to me. Turning to the vendor, she went to pay for the item, but he just turned her hand away, smiling. _

_"For that smile, it's on the house," he said, looking at me. _

_We left the market and on our way back to the car, the rain started. "We'll have to go to the park another day, baby," she said to me, but I didn't care. I was content with my candy._

Smiling to myself, I make my way through the market. I have already picked up the fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, and oregano. I still have a few more ingredients to go before my list is complete. I suddenly feel uneasy. I have this strange feeling I am being watched. I stop in front of the cucumbers and try to steady my breathing as I feel the panic rising in my chest. "Miss, are you okay?" I can faintly hear the vendor asking me while I grab hold of the side of his cart. I look around to see if I can spot anyone I may know and my cell phone rings. Dropping my basket, I dig into my pocket and pick out my phone. I try and gain some composure before answering.

"Hello?"

"Bella, what's wrong?" Alice's voice rings through the phone. I guess I have failed at getting a grip. "Bella?" Alice calls my name again.

"Nothing, I just uh... I just dropped my basket and bruised some of the produce I picked up right before you called. You just caught me silently kicking my clumsiness," I say, trying to get her to drop the subject. How am I going to explain that I was on my way to having a full-blown panic attack for no reason. Besides, it's not a lie. I did drop my basket and damage some of the produce. I am going to have to pick brand new tomatoes now. "I'll be home in about a half hour. I need to replenish some of my items now."

"Okay, Bella. Come find me in the studio when you get here," Alice says before we hang up. She is working on a wedding gown design for some socialite in Olympia, and it has been taking up the majority of her time. I typically find her in her studio more than any other room of the house. Putting my phone back in my pocket, I no longer feel panicky, but I can't shake the feeling that I am being watched. I replenish my basket, make sure to get a few pieces of the cherry-vanilla hard candy that reminds me of my mother, pay the vendors and head home. By the time I get home, I am feeling far more relaxed and I'm convinced that my nerves were getting the best of me at the market. I drop my groceries in the kitchen and make my way to the back of the house to check in with Alice. I find her slumped over her drawing table, steadily concentrating on the design in front of her.

"That's coming along great, Ali," I say over her shoulder. She turns to look at me and gives me the once over. Apparently, she decides there is nothing to say and smiles at me. I take the two coffee mugs from the desk nearby and walk out of the room. Setting them in the dishwasher, I start a fresh pot of coffee and start to put away the items I purchased earlier. Glancing at the clock, I see that it's 1:00 and Jasper will be here with Edward and Emmett at 6:00. _Five hours, what am I going to do for five hours_?

Standing at the stove with my iPod on, adding the last bit of mozzarella to the risotto, I feel that pull in my stomach that is starting to become more familiar. It doesn't really hurt, but it's so random. _I should probably get to a doctor. Maybe I have pulled a muscle or all the coffee I drink has caught up with me, and now I have an ulcer_. I ignore it and go back to stirring my pot and bopping to the music.

I feel a tap on my left shoulder, and I spin around too quickly to see who it is. I turn around, almost touching noses with Alice. She must see the panic in my face because she immediately starts trying to call me to attention. "Bella, I am so sorry. I didn't think..." I hold up my hand to cut her off. My head is dizzy from moving too fast and the room is spinning. Looking at Alice in front of me, it looks like there is six of her. Grabbing the counter behind me for stabilization, she comes over and rubs my back.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I was just coming to let you know the guys are here. I was calling your name from the door and you weren't answering, so I kept coming closer. You must have that thing on full volume." _Wait did she just say the guys are here? Now? Like, right now?_

Finally gaining my equilibrium back, I open my eyes and look past Alice to find three very stunned faces laced with concern. I look back at Alice, and her face matches theirs. Completely frustrated with myself, I throw my hands in the air, "I'm fine. Really. I just spun around too quickly. Dinner will be ready in five minutes," I finish, turning back to the stove. I can see my reflection in the metal spoon, and I am just as red as the tomatoes in the risotto. _Great, Bella_.

I walk into the dining room and see Alice talking with Jasper and Emmett, but I don't see Edward in the room. He is here, right? I'm sure I saw the three of them in the kitchen. I place the risotto on the table and turn back around to head towards the kitchen to get the bread I made earlier. As I round the corner outside the dining room to lead me towards the kitchen, I slam into something very hard, and I feel my body go hurling backwards from the impact. Before I can even realize what is happening, a firm set of hands are grasping my arms, and they keep me from hitting the floor. It feels like my entire body is tingling. Like when you sit on your foot and it falls asleep, and then the blood starts to flow again. After being set upright on my feet, I look up to see Edward Cullen standing over me wearing an expression of confusion and amusement. I can hardly move from where I am standing and he is still staring at me, reading my face. I'm sure I look like a deer caught in the headlights. Because that's how I feel with his gorgeous green eyes roaming my face, examining me this closely. I can hardly breathe.

"Are you okay?" he asks, still staring at me and waiting for my response. He hasn't let go of my arms and I'm afraid that if I speak, no words will come out. I simply nod my response. At my answer, he removes his hands from my arms and I immediately feel the tingling sensation leave at the loss of contact.

Finally, I'm able to find my voice; I mumble a "thank you," and walk past him to the kitchen to retrieve the bread. I take a few moments to steady my breathing before grabbing the bread and rushing back into the dining room. Otherwise, Alice will be looking for me in five seconds. Entering the dining room, I see that the guys are seated, and Alice is pouring some drinks. I walk over to the table and place the bread down. Sneaking a glance at Edward, I see that he is looking at me. Quickly, I avert my eyes to something else. Anything else. I notice that everyone has taken a seat and the only one left is the one across from Edward and next to Emmett. I take my seat gingerly and look over to Emmett who is grinning from ear to ear. His enthusiasm is silent, but contagious, and I can't help but to smile in return.

"So, Bella," Jasper begins, "what are you going to dazzle us with this evening? I know better than to ask Alice." The room erupts with laughter. My heart almost stops at the sound of Edward's laughter; it's like music. I find myself looking at him, and then Emmett breaks through the laughter.

"Jasper has been going on all week about how great you cook and how you made his favorite meal. Blah-fucking-blah." I can tell he's giving Jasper a hard time. I look over at Jasper, and he's smiling at me. I realize I never gave him an answer.

"It's, uhm, tomato, mozzarella risotto, with shrimp," I say quietly. There is a silence that falls over the room. I look up at Alice and she shrugs at me. I'm afraid that they don't like it, or the idea of it. I am about to open my mouth to offer them something else when I hear Edward chuckle. I turn to look at him, and his gaze is focused on me. He narrows his eyes for a second, almost as if he is processing information. I look over at Alice again, and she is smirking at me.

"Sounds fucking great. Let's eat!" Emmett blurts out.

"Such a brute, Emmett. Can you at least tone it down in the company of ladies?" Jasper playfully chastises him.

"He can't help it. I know between the two of us and Rose, you don't get much practice around ladies," Edward replies, and I am completely caught off guard by the joking tone in his voice. It still has that musical quality, but it's much lighter than our interaction in the hallway. I think back to high school, and I honestly don't remember Edward speaking that much. Back then, when Alice and I were around all three guys, it seemed like Emmett did most of the talking. Then again, in high school, I hardly paid attention to anything.

"I'm going to tell your sister that you said that!" Emmett retorts, acting like he's hurt or offended by Edward's comment. I look over at Edward who is smiling at the playful banter between them and he shrugs.

"It's not anything I haven't said to her before." Everyone just starts laughing as the risotto is passed around and people help themselves. I know very little about Rosalie. I know she is a model and because of that, she and Alice cross paths a lot. I can't help but think how unladylike she can possibly be if she's a model. I remember Rosalie and Emmett being together in high school before they both graduated, but for them to still be together is amazing to me. I feel a sense of sadness come over me thinking about the kind of love that has to exist between them. Absentmindedly, I pick at the rice on my plate. Pulling at the gooey pieces of mozzarella as I mindlessly try to separate it from the grains. My brainless attempts to separate the permanently meshed together food on my plate is interrupted by a sigh. My eyes shoot up from looking at my plate, and I look in the direction that the sound came from. Looking at Edward, I see that he is smiling, and his eyes are closed while the fork he is holding is resting against his lips. _Does he like it_? I quickly look at Alice, Emmett and Jasper, and they are all engaged in their own conversation and don't notice. I take the moment to just look at him and take in his features. His strong and smooth neck that leads up to a chiseled, but soft jaw. The tousled hair that seems to do whatever it wants, that glows on his head in contrast to his pale, porcelain skin. The perfectly plump, red lips where the bottom lip is slightly pushed out to meet the tines of the fork. His long elegantly, masculine fingers that are holding the fork. _I do not know how I did not pay attention in high school_.

He opens his eyes, and I am completely removed from my thoughts. He is looking at me, look at him. I look down to my plate again, and I just know my face and the tomatoes have reached a common appearance again tonight. I refuse to look at Edward for the rest of dinner. Conversation is light and playful around me. I interject on occasion, when it is warranted. But it's really Emmett and Alice doing most of the talking. I notice that Jasper is a pretty quiet guy, which is the perfect compliment to Alice. Edward is quiet, and it seems odd to me. Not that I know him to be a talker, but just from the way that Emmett and Jasper include him in the conversation, like they are expecting him to say more.

Dinner ends and we walk the guys to the door. Each of them says their thanks for dinner, and I brush it off like it's no big deal. As we near the door, I realize that I am so caught up in my own mind that I have forgotten to thank them for what they did. I feel awkward about it, but I know that if I don't, I will be kicking myself for weeks.

"Uh..." I can't even speak. I look over at Alice, and she nods her head to me. I look at Jasper, and he's smiling so wide it encourages me to say what I need to say. "I want to say thank you for what you guys did. I was able to thank Jasper last week, but I wanted to thank both of you too. It means a lot to me. It's important that you know that," I finish and look up from the floor over to Emmett, who is beaming a giant smile and then to Edward, who is smiling, although not quite as big.

Before I know it, Emmett picks me up and twirls me around in a crushing bear hug. "No sweat, Bella Bear," and I just laugh with the last bit of air in my lungs.

"Bella Bear? Really, Em," I hear Alice say with a chuckle.

"Emmett, put her down before you crush her," Jasper says a little more seriously than he probably means it. Emmett gently puts me down and makes sure I don't fall over from being spun around in the air. Then he starts laughing as he ruffles the hair on the top of my head. I look past him to where Edward is standing, and he's leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. I notice that this causes his already low-slung jeans to be pulled down a little more, and I can see a line of gray cotton peaking over the top.

"It was my pleasure, Bella," he says, and the sound of my name on his lips almost causes me to pass out. _What is going on with me?_ I smile weakly and leave the area, heading back to the kitchen to finish cleaning up.

Alice joins me in the kitchen a few moments later and starts to dry and put away the dishes that I have washed because they aren't dishwasher safe. "So, how was it? How are you?" she asks with concern.

"It was..uh...fine. More than fine. It was good. I think we should do that more often," I say, looking over at Alice; she is wearing a sneaky smirk.

"Sure thing, Bella Bear," she says sarcastically. I just groan at her and roll my eyes. I have a feeling Emmett is going to keep using that one. I have to say that I kind of like the nickname. I won't ever admit it though.

**~F&FS~  
**

Putting a shaky hand on the mirror, I wipe away the fog from my hot shower. Looking at myself, I can see the flush in my skin from the scalding water I just stepped out of. I stare at my reflection for a few moments, taking in my appearance and gathering my thoughts. One thought rises above the rest. _I'm scared_.

I am going back to work today.

Today is going to be my first day back at work in more than a month. Last week, when I called my job, they were more than happy to hear from me. Pebbles, my boss' secretary, let me know that I was more than welcome to come back, and that they were waiting for me to return. She transferred me over to human resources, and we made all of the necessary arrangements for my return. I have no idea what Alice told them, but apparently everything was smoothed over and worked out.

Resigned that I can do this, I leave the bathroom and step out into my room, shivering as the cold air comes into contact with my damp skin. _I need to remember to turn the heat up at night_. I sit down on my bed and absently pick at my cuticles for a few moments before getting up and reaching into my top drawer to pull out a bra and panties. After putting on some lotion and brushing my hair, I turn to the door and see my outfit for the day.

_Last night, before I got into bed, Alice came into my room with a large garment bag folded over her arms. I assumed it was something for one of her clients until she closed my door and rested the bag on the hook attached there. I looked at her and cocked an eyebrow, wondering what she was doing. I was not in the mood to play "Bella Barbie". The anxiety about returning to work had already started to creep in. _

_"What is this, Ali?" I asked her; I could hear the nervousness in my voice._

_"Well, Bella. We missed your birthday," she started and turned to look at me with sad eyes. It has occurred to me that I was in a comatose state when my birthday came and then went, but it wasn't something I spent a lot of time thinking about. "So, just because we missed it doesn't mean I forgot it." I continued to look at her. More than anyone, Alice knew how much I hated accepting gifts. And as if I wasn't nervous enough about going back to work, she added to it._

_Turning back to the door, Alice grabbed the zipper of the garment back and pulled it down. I felt my body slumping into itself with the negative anticipation. She pulled the bag open and revealed clothing. "I made you something. It's custom fit for you. I'll always make you anything you want to wear, Bella. I made you this for you to wear to work tomorrow. I know you're going to be nervous, and I wanted to help with that. I know that I feel better when I know I look better. This will look stunning on you."_

When I woke up this morning, I also saw that Alice had laid out shoes, a bag, and jewelry for me to wear while I was sleeping.

So, here I stand this morning in my Alice Brandon original, about to take on the world. Well, a job that I was once already pretty comfortable with. It feels like the first day of school all over again. I admit that Alice was right, and I do feel more prepared to face the day in this elaborately stitched purple dress.

Walking into Dwyer Publishing, I can see people looking at me. I wonder what the rumors were while I was gone. _There are always rumors_. I just keep my eyes straight and ignore everyone I pass until I make it to the office that I share with Angela Weber. Opening the door, I am totally overwhelmed by the balloons and flowers that flow all over my desk and onto the floor. Completely caught off guard by the sight, I am almost knocked over by Angela as she bounces up to me and throws her arms around me. "Welcome back," she says, her words expressing the same sentiment plastered on most of the balloons. Angela and I have been office mates since I came to work here at Dwyer Publishing earlier this year. We get along great. Instantly, I feel bad for not calling her during these past weeks.

"Thanks, I think," I say to her, and she starts laughing.

"This all started coming in this morning. I came in early to make sure your desk was all set; you know, take the dust off. And I was here for about thirty minutes when people started dropping them off. Some of them were even delivered."

I just stare at the mess of flowers and balloons. _What am I going to do with all of this_? I hang my coat on the coat rack we have in the corner, and I find a small place on my desk that is not covered in flowers to put down my bag. Feeling overwhelmed, I look at the time and see that it's 8:55. I have a little over two hours before the Monday meeting. Sighing to myself, I realize that it's now or never. I go through each bundle one by one.

Starting from the outside and moving towards my desk, I realize there are more flowers, cards, gifts, and balloons than I thought. Most of them are from co-workers welcoming me back, sending me best wishes, letting me know they are available if I need anything. There is a gift card to a spa from the administrative staff and a signed card by all of them and this makes me smile. I am starting to realize that the items closer to my desk are more personalized than the others. I pick up a hand painted vase full of lilies that is from Angela. I turn and smile at her. Alice sent a giant box of chocolate covered strawberries from Godiva, my favorite. I smile to myself, remembering the day she introduced me to these. _Alice knows me so well._ The last gift is a huge bouquet of daisies in a variety of colors attached to a giant balloon that I am not even going to be able to take home until it's mostly deflated. The balloon stands out from the rest, and I can't believe I didn't notice it before. While the others say, "Welcome Back" or "We Missed You," this one says, "Congratulations, Bella!" and it's personalized. Leaning over Angela's vase and Alice's chocolates, I pick up the card that accompanies the large assortment of daises.

"I'm fucking proud of you, Bella Bear! Knock 'em dead!" ~ Emmett

"Hope you have a great first day back, Bella. I knew you could do it." ~ Jasper

"Keep your head up. And try to stay on your feet. I won't be there to catch you." ~ Edward

I almost fall over.

"Bella, are you ready?" I have no idea how long I have been standing there like a zombie, but it is now 10:55, and Angela is standing by the door waiting for me so we can go to the meeting. I shake my head to rid myself of the fog I am standing in, grab my stuff and walk with Angela to the meeting.

Leaving work, I feel much more relaxed than I did this morning when I arrived. The day went by smoothly, and I easily fell back into the swing of work. I reconnected with my author list and got my new assignments from my boss. Nothing can take away how happy and relaxed I am at the moment. I reach my car and press the button to unlock the doors and get inside just as my phone pings to let me know I have a text message. I reach into my bag and grab my phone, teetering one of the flower vases in my hands. Pulling out my phone, I read the text message.

_When are you coming home?_

It's a text from Mike. I drop the vase in my hand, and it shatters at my feet.

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**A/N:**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	15. Ch 14: Contradiction

**A/N: As always, love for my betas cclore and PhoenixMP3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 14: Contradiction**

**Edward Cullen POV **

**

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**

"You ready?" Emmett asks when he appears at the door to my office. I look up to see him standing there, expectantly rubbing his hands together. Shaking my head, I turn about in my chair and grab my stuff to head out. The two of us are going out to get some drinks, shoot some pool, and whatever other mischief we can get ourselves into. Just as we are walking down the hallway, both of our phones chime. I pull my phone out of my pocket and read the message:

_"Bella wants the three of us to come over for dinner. Soon."_

It's a text from Jasper. I look over to Emmett, and he must have received the same message, because he has that goofy ass grin on his face. The same grin he gets whenever food is mentioned. I won't lie; I'm both fucking intrigued and baffled by the text. And it all boils down to one thing, Bella. Everything about her is a walking contradiction to me. Jasper told us about her frightened behavior that Saturday when she was screaming and clawing her way to get as far away from him as possible. Then, I saw her in the kitchen and fear was the last thing flowing off of her that day. Only to have her run from the kitchen, like a little scared kitten. All week, Jasper has been telling us that through Alice, he has found out that Bella has been "aloof." Alice feels like she's fallen into some sort of a relapse or some shit because she started coming out of her room less and less. Emmett, Jasper, and I have all felt horribly about that; like we're the cause. It's fucking shitty. And now, to get a text from Jasper that _Bella_ wants us to come over for dinner is the biggest goddamn contradiction thus far.

"Did Alice tell you that?" I text him back. I personally am not interested in throwing this girl into any uncomfortable situations, and I can hardly believe that Jasper is either.

_"No. Bella did. She personally asked for you guys to attend." _

I look over at Emmett, and he's looking back at me expectantly. I show him the text, and his face squishes up like he doesn't understand. I watch as he takes out his phone again and texts Jasper back. "What do you mean by Bella personally asked us to attend? Are you there?" he says aloud as he types back.

_"Yeah. She had me over tonight. Asked for you guys soon. So yes or no?"_

Emmett's reaction is hilarious and I have to laugh.

"What the fuck, man? I thought Alice was going to be cooking. That's bullshit!" Emmett and I continue down the hallway to head out, but he is so mad that Jasper left him out of a home cooked meal that he can't stop talking about it.

"Emmett, for all you know, Bella is just as much of an awful cook as Alice. What's the big fucking deal?" Emmett looks at me like I smacked him in the face.

"Dude, she works for a cookbook editor. You can't work on shit you know nothing about. I bet you anything she cooks better than Alice. Fuck, I bet she even cooks better than you. Maybe even Esme." I just stop and stare at him. _Is he fucking kidding me_?

"What the shit, Emmett? That's not even funny. I bet you won't say that shit the next time you're sick and my mom brings you some fucking soup and shit." Now it's his turn to laugh.

"I know, dude, but I couldn't resist. I still bet she cooks better than both you and Alice though. So what do you think? I'm pretty busy until Sunday. You?"

I mentally think through my week and then check the calendar on my iPhone. It looks like I have a pretty busy week as well. It's going to be long days at work all week, and then my nights have become full as well. I groan out loud thinking about last night. It was the Annual Autumn Gala of Washington Doctors, and Carlisle makes the family attend every year. Rose used to have to attend as well, until her job started to require a lot more travel. Now that I think about it, she was in town until this morning. _I wonder how she got out of going_. In the past few years, it has turned into a circus with every single and available person putting themselves on display. I have been hoping that after my talk with my mother, she will not be trying to get me engaged before the fucking night is over. And she sticks to her promise to leave me alone until I'm thirty. But, that didn't stop the ladies from coming after me themselves. I don't want to be fucking rude in front of my mother and so many _distinguished_ attendants, so somehow I have managed to get wrangled into several dates this week. Lunch, coffee, dinner, whatever. I don't really do dates, so I'm not fucking thrilled about being roped into the situation. I should have just been a dick about it, but I don't think I could deal with the disappointment from Esme once my behavior registered with her.

"Yeah, Sunday." We both text Jasper back to let him know Sunday will be fine and go out the door into the rest of our night of drinks, pool, and mischief.

This week is going by at a fucking snail's pace. And every time I turn around, Emmett is giving Jasper shit about his dinner with Alice and Bella Sunday night. Emmett's main concern being that Jasper didn't bring any food back to share with him. Jasper just keeps shrugging it off and laughing at Emmett's mini tantrums. Jasper also seems to be in a better mood this week. I have to wonder if he managed to get laid when he was at Alice's on Sunday, but when Emmett and I joke about it, he just jokes back that one day we will learn there is more to life than fucking. And that, of course, always sends me and Emmett into rolls of laughter. I don't care what he says, that smile came from somewhere.

**~F&FS~  
**

"Come on, Edward. Or we're going to leave without you," Emmett bellows from the hallway. It's 5:00 pm, and I have been dealing with his over excitement since 8:00am. I have a fucking headache. Rolling my eyes, I pick up my cell and head out of my office.

"Fuck, Emmett. Get a goddamn grip. It's just food." I look over to Jasper and he has that fucking grin he has been wearing all week, and Emmett looks like a kid who just won a Nickelodeon game show. I wish I could be as excited as they are, but I'm too fucking anxious. I don't want to spend another week thinking that I am partially responsible for scaring a girl into hiding. I'm not that kind of guy. No matter how many times Jasper reassures us that this entire thing is Bella's idea, I'm just not convinced. Again, a walking contradiction. How one goes from self-imposed solitary confinement for weeks to requesting a home invasion of hungry motherfuckers, I will never understand.

We arrive at the house and Jasper rings the doorbell. We stand and wait for someone to open the door. It doesn't take long as Alice is at the door almost before the ringing of the bell is out of my ears and immediately jumps on Jasper and he stumbles backwards a few steps. Emmett and I both laugh. Every time she does that, he nearly falls over. I wonder when he will learn to brace himself. I mean, shit even I brace myself when I see her coming for him.

"Come in, guys. Bella is in the kitchen. I'll tell her you're here," Alice says, pulling Jasper into the house by the hand and we follow. Alice takes our coats, hangs them up in the closet, and then heads off in the direction of the kitchen. The three of us start to make our way down the hall, but are stopped by the sound of Alice's voice.

"Bella, the guys are here. Bella? Hello? Earth to Bella." Her voice keeps getting louder as she calls Bella's name. Immediately, we all turn on our heels and head towards the kitchen to find out what the fuck is going on. We just cross the threshold into the kitchen, and the three of us stop dead in our tracks. Bella is fine. In fact, she is more than fine.

She is standing at the stove, humming to herself and stirring something on the glass stove top. She has ear buds in her ears and her hips are swaying to the beat of whatever she is listening to. She is completely unaware of her surroundings, and she looks almost peaceful. _So fucking cute._ I look over at Jasper, and he is staring at me with a smirk. It's at that moment that I realize I am involuntarily smiling. Before I can wipe the smile from my face, we are all startled by a sudden shriek that pulls our eyes in the direction of Bella and Alice.

Bella is completely turned around, and she is so pale that the creamy color of her shirt, that made it appear as if she were topless a moment ago, now has more color than her face. She looks like someone just scared the fucking shit out of her. As I watch her grab the counter, I realize that is exactly what happened. Looking over at Jasper and Emmett, I see that their expression of shock and concern match mine.

Alice starts to talk, "Bella, I am so sorry. I didn't think..." Bella cuts her off with a wave of her hand. It feels like an eternity passes in the silence. I can feel the anxiety from everyone in the kitchen spike. Alice breaks the silence by trying to talk to Bella again. "I'm sorry, Bella. I was just coming to let you know the guys were here. I was calling your name from the door and you weren't answering, so I kept coming closer. You must have that thing on full volume."

Bella peers around Alice squinting her eyes, and then her gaze widens as she takes in the three of us standing by the door. I can only imagine what we look like to her, because her next move is a sharp intake of breath, and then she abruptly goes back to stirring the pot on the stove and dismisses everyone, letting us know dinner will be ready shortly. Looking over my shoulder as I walk out, I see her body has gone rigid, and there is a red tint creeping up her neck. Her appearance is now a complete contrast to the relaxed stance when we entered the kitchen and the pale look of fear when she spun around. _Walking contradiction_.

Alice is ahead of us now, leading us towards the dining room. She's not as bouncy as she was when we got here, and I assume that scene in the kitchen has something to do with it. Jasper takes a few steps and is suddenly next to her, pulling her to his side as we enter the dining room.

"Anyone would be scared if they were approached from behind completely unaware." I overhear him say to her. Alice simply nods her head and sets to lighting a few candles around the room.

We stand around for a couple of minutes idly talking about random shit when I excuse myself to use the bathroom. On my way back down the hallway to the dining room, I am suddenly struck in the fucking torso. It's not a strong blow, but it comes from out of nowhere and catches me off guard. Quickly looking in the direction of the strike, I see that Bella has walked into me. Instinctively, I reach out my hands, and I manage to grab a hold of Bella before she completely wipes out on the floor. The sensation that rivets through my muscles almost causes me to drop her as it takes me completely by surprise. Looking down at her, I can't help but recall the Bella from high school that was notorious for walking into stationary objects. The memory causes a small smile to form on my face. She looks up at me from beneath her lashes and a faint blush starts to darken her cheeks, while her eyes search my face. It's so fucking adorable that I have to smile. _Adorable? Really, Cullen?_ There is a flash of confusion in her face and then it disappears. She relaxes in my arms for a moment, and it doesn't escape me that I might be holding on to her too tight. Realizing this, I help her stand upright on her feet and watch as she straightens herself out. Looking up at me one more time, she quickly turns her head away and rushes off in the direction of the kitchen mumbling a hurried "thank you" before disappearing.

I walk back into the dining room to see Jasper and Emmett already seated, and I take a seat next to Jasper. I must look confused because Alice asks me what's wrong. I tell her nothing and it's not a lie. There is nothing _wrong_. Running into Bella just now, or rather Bella running into me, only adds to my theory of her contradictory nature. One minute she's fucking relaxed and then the next, she's rigid and running away. Just like that day in the kitchen two weeks ago with Jasper. The sound of Emmett laughing breaks me from my thoughts.

"I wonder if she made another one of your favorites today, Jazz." Alice, Jasper and I just laugh at him. He's never going to let this shit go. The teasing continues, and Bella comes in the room with the most amazing smelling bread, sitting on a board with a knife sticking off the side. The appearance of the knife makes me slightly nervous, and I watch her as she strolls to the table, hoping that she doesn't have one of her clumsy moments and fucking trips with that knife on display. _I have no desire to spend a night in the hospital with a distraught Jasper trying to comfort an inconsolable Alice._ Bella looks at me and our eyes lock for a moment, but only a brief moment as she quickly turns her head and frantically tries to find something else to focus on. Eventually, she takes the seat across from me and next to Emmett. I look over at Emmett and next to Bella, he looks like a fucking ogre. I am expecting her to run away terrified, but she just beams a warm smile at him. I'm fucking shocked. Not only is she not running, not only is she smiling at him, but her smile fucking lights up the room. _Have I ever seen Bella smile before? A real smile? I don't think so._

I feel myself frown slightly at Emmett, being the one to receive that smile when Jasper starts to ask Bella what she made for dinner. Before she can answer, Emmett goes on his jealous rant about Bella cooking Jasper's favorite meal last week. I have to admit that even though I have heard it all week, it's still funny and watching Bella and Alice laugh in reaction to his jealous rants makes me laugh as well. My laughter stops abruptly when I hear Bella's answer.

"It's, uhm, tomato, mozzarella risotto, with shrimp." _Are you fucking kidding me_? I just stare at her. It's completely out of my fucking control. _How did she fucking know to make that_? She turns to look at me and she seems confused. No one is talking. Watching her, I can see she is becoming anxious. Her eyes are darting around the room, her hands fly up to her hair, and she starts twirling the ends around her index finger. I look over to Jasper and he is fucking grinning at me. Then I look at Emmett, and his eyes are practically bugging out of his head. _What the shit_? Leave it to Emmett to break the silence.

"Sounds fucking great. Let's eat!"

"Such a brute, Emmett. Can you at least tone it down in the company of ladies?" Jasper says back with an air of amusement. _Asshole._ I have no idea what is so fucking funny.

"He can't help it. I know between the two of us and Rose, he doesn't get much practice around ladies," I say, joining the flow of conversation. Anything to stop the confused mess of shit running around in my head.

"I'm going to tell your sister that you said that!"

"It's not anything I haven't said to her before," I say, always having to be the one to have the last word.

The dish holding the risotto is handed to me, and I take a deep breath, inhaling the aroma. _Fuck_. I take the spoon and ladle some onto my plate and then set the bowl back down on the center of the table. Around me, the others have already started to eat and are talking in casual conversations. I'm staring at my fucking plate. Why? Because the food is almost too pretty to fucking eat. My stomach is still clenching, trying to tell me that I'm hungry, and I realize that I can't ignore it any longer. I pick up my fork from the setting next to my plate and twirl it in my fingers for a few moments, thinking too fucking hard about what angle I want to dip into this plate from. I place the fork into the too pretty to fucking eat risotto and raise the fork to my mouth. If I thought the food smelled great in the serving bowl, the closer it gets to my nose, the better the scent gets. Lifting the fork to my mouth, I part my lips and place the fork on my tongue. Wrapping my lips around the tines, I pull the fork from my mouth leaving the risotto behind. I close my eyes and revel in the savory flavors mingling together on my tongue. The gooey and tart mozzarella that mingles with the sweetness of the heavy cream, combine with the softness of the Arborio rice touched with a hint of a crisp white wine, providing a slightly sharp bite, livened by the use of plump, ripe tomatoes and topped off with pink, succulent shrimp. I sigh contentedly with the fork resting against my mouth while my jaw works to chew the tasty morsels.

Slowly swallowing the delicious bite of food and anxious to taste more, I slowly open my eyes to find a very expressive set of chocolate brown eyes staring at me intently. She turns her head, but not before I notice her gaze down towards my mouth and her blush. I think I feel my dick twitch from her expression. I get back into the conversation at dinner, but I'm too distracted to really participate. I keep looking across the table at Bella, but she refuses to look at me. She is trying really fucking hard to avoid eye contact. Her original blush that occurred when I caught her staring has dwindled some, but it is not completely gone, leaving a pinkish tint to her creamy complexion. She continues to fidget with her hair, and she has barely touched the food on her plate. _Well that's fucking tragic_.

I'm not even sure when dinner ended, but I suddenly find myself heading towards the front door with everyone else. Jasper and Alice are leading the way, Emmett is to my right and Bella is behind me. I can hear her shallow breathing. I turn my head slightly to look at her over my shoulder, and she is staring at the floor with her hands fidgeting in her locks again. We all stop by the door, and Alice grabs our coats from the closet and hands them to each of us. Emmett and Jasper are talking to each other, and Bella is kind of standing off to the side. I slide my coat on as she begins to speak.

"Uh..." she says and then pauses. I watch her and notice she looks over to Alice, who nods at her, a nod of encouragement or some shit. Then, she looks to Jasper and even though I am standing behind him, I can tell he is wearing a huge fucking smile on his face. I look at Emmett and he seems even more clueless than me, and I have no fucking clue what is going on. "I want to say thank you for what you guys did. I was able to thank Jasper last week, but I want to thank both of you, too. It means a lot to me. It's important that you know that."

_What the hell_?

My first reaction is anger at feeling like Jasper and Alice put her up to this. What is she, fucking twelve and needs to send out thank you notes and shit? But then I look more closely at Bella, and she is blushing almost as much as she was when I caught her in the hallway. Fidgeting with her hair, and... _what the fuck?_ Is she biting her bottom lip? If that is not the cutest fucking shit I have ever seen, shoot me now. There is no way she is being forced to express her gratitude. She's fucking nervous as hell. I have to smile to myself at the sight before me. Next thing I know, Emmett is walking over to her and sweeps her up into a hug and lifts her into the air, spinning her around.

"No sweat, Bella Bear." _Did he really just fucking call her 'Bella Bear?' _

"Bella Bear? Really, Em," Alice says with a chuckle, and I have to chuckle along with her since I was thinking the exact same thing.

"Emmett, put her down before you crush her," Jasper says. I watch as Emmett places Bella on the ground, and her body sways from being spun around. Involuntarily, I take a step forward to be able to catch her if necessary. I glance in the direction of Alice and Jasper out of the corner of my eye, and they are both watching me. Rolling my eyes, I direct my full attention back to Emmett and Bella. Emmett, realizing that she is not stable, holds onto her until she stops swaying and then ruffles her hair before letting her go. I take my casual stance, leaning against the door and shove my hands into my jean's pockets. I see Bella's tousled head peer around Emmett's massive form and look at me. I look up from the piece of floor I am staring at and notice she is doing it again. Her eyes are traveling the length of my body just like that day in the kitchen. As her eyes reach mine, I give her a small smile.

"It was my pleasure, Bella," I say in response to her gratitude. It's the first thing that comes to mind. As I hear my response and I think about it, it makes sense. I don't regret moving her shit from that asshole's place, and I would do it again. No fucking questions asked. Something flashes across her face, but the emotion is gone so quickly that I don't have time for it to register. Before I can say anything else, she is gone and headed in the direction of the kitchen. I just shrug to myself and turn to the other three standing in the hallway who are now all staring at me. "What?"

"Fuck, Edward. You really know how to clear a room," Emmett says, laughing. Jasper and Alice join him laughing and I just shake my head.

"Well, at least I didn't fucking crush the poor girl and give her a pet name like she's my fucking toy or something," I retort a little more harshly than possibly necessary. But what-the-fuck ever. Emmett deserves every bit as good as he gets.

"We've got to get going," Jasper says, turning to Alice and giving her a kiss. "We have one more stop to make before I drop these two idiots off, and I'm sure you and Bella have stuff to do." Alice just beams at Jasper as she walks us out to his Range Rover. I slide into the passenger's side, and Emmett hops into the backseat. Jasper gets into the driver's side and rolls down his window to give Alice a kiss. It's almost comical because she has to pull herself up onto the little step outside of the door to reach his window, and he still has to lean almost completely out of the window to reach her mouth.

We head back into the city and make a stop at one of the florists that Jasper uses for special events at _Eclipse_ and select a fucking huge ass bouquet of daises and instruct the florist how to personalize an over sized balloon that will probably have enough helium to carry Bella's tiny frame across Puget Sound. Emmett and I kind of hang back a little while Jasper takes care of most of the details, including what time and where to drop off the package. Then he turns to Emmett and hands him a card, and Emmett scribbles something down in his barely legible writing and hands it back to Jasper. Jasper reads what Emmett wrote, chuckles, and then writes his own words, then he hands it to me. I take the card and honestly, I have no idea what I am going to write. I've been thinking about it since we got back in the car. Jasper told us this morning when he came into Eclipse like he was fucking high or something, that Monday is going to be Bella's first day back to work since that whole incident with Mike, and that we were going to be making this stop on the way back from dinner. He kept emphasizing the importance of encouragement and personalization or some shit. I can't lie; I hardly paid attention. It's not that I don't care; I just had other stuff on my mind. At the time, I didn't have the mental capacity to sit through a lengthy lecture on fucking congratulatory etiquette. It's not like I needed to hear the shit anyway; he knows my mother. Then when we were leaving dinner, he told Alice we had to make a stop, and it all came flooding back to my memory. I look at the card and read what Emmett and Jasper wrote:

_"I'm fucking proud of you, Bella Bear! Knock 'em dead!"_ ~ Emmett

_"Hope you have a great first day back, Bella. I knew you could do it."_ ~ Jasper

I think for another moment. Think back to what I know about Bella. And two things ring true; that girl is fucking clumsy and is always looking at the floor. I also know that she has been through some shit lately. The perfect note came to mind:

_"Keep your head up. And try to stay on your feet. I won't be there to catch you._" ~ Edward

That one line had me written all over it- sarcastic and playful. I hand the card back to Jasper, he reads it and a smirk comes across his face. I'm just too fucking tired to deal with that shit now. I told them in the car about how Bella knocked into me in the hallway and he was wearing the same annoying smirk on his face then.

"Are we done?" I ask irritably. Jasper hands the card to the clerk, clarifies the instructions one more time, and then turns to me and Emmett.

"Sure. Let's go," he says, still fucking smirking. Jasper takes us back to _Eclipse_ so Emmett and I can get our vehicles and be on our way. I hop in my car and head home, just aching to get some fucking peace and quiet without a shit load of smirks and sideways glances. _What the fuck is with everyone today_? Absently, I lick my lips and there is a residual taste of risotto. Flashbacks from dinner run through my mind...

_Bella's hips swaying to the music in her ears..._

_Bella cooking barefoot, looking peaceful..._

_The various shades of pink and red that graced Bella's pale skin..._

_Bella cooking my favorite food…_

_The intense look of her eyes boring into mine from across the table..._

_Bella's plump, bottom lip pulled between her teeth..._

_The feel of Bella's small arms wrapped in my hands..._

_The sweet smell of strawberries and soft lavender that struck me when our bodies collided in the hallway..._

Shit. What the fuck is with me?

**~F&FS~  
**

It's Sunday again, and I pull myself out of bed this morning against my body's wishes. The last week has been pure, fucking hell, and there is no better way to say it. Halloween is six days away and we have been spending the last week at _Eclipse_ in preparation for the holiday. The Halloween party we hosted last year was such a success that we decided to make it an annual event. I've been cursing that fucking, dumbass decision for the last seven days. I honestly don't remember putting this much work into last year's event because if that had been the case, I would have vetoed the notion to continue this craptastic, shit show annually right on the fucking spot. As it was, I already tried to get the guys to change their minds several times throughout the week. Bribing them with everything from Esme Cullen delicacies, to money, to pussy and they just will not budge. To add to my frustration, Jazz has been a smug son of a fucking bitch all goddamn week. On several occasions I have had to resist the urge to fucking punch him in the goddamn face. Emmett has been bouncing around like he needs fucking Adderall to get his ass under control, but at least he has a reason. Rose is coming home on Thursday for the weekend. Today is proving to be more grueling than any regular Sunday in a long time. I didn't get home until 4:00 am this morning, and then I spent a good portion of the morning with this redhead before I sent her home and I crashed. We aren't opening _Eclipse_ tonight, but we'll be there super fucking long in preparation for Saturday since we will be open every night for the rest of the week.

Walking into Starbucks, I see Kim at the cash register and I smile at her, but it's really half hearted because I am fucking tired, and I just want my coffee so I can get on with my day.

"Hey, Edward," she says, batting her lashes at me. I can't even bring myself to give her my crooked smile, and I just give her a weak head nod.

"Something wrong?" she asks with a hint of disappointment at my lack of enthusiasm. I can't find it in me to give a fuck.

"I'm just fucking tired; I don't feel like socializing today," I say back to her. She doesn't say anything else and just rings up my usual Sunday morning order. She looks over at me, and I just hold up two fingers, letting her know I want two of the Venti, triple, Pike with two pumps of vanilla. _Yeah, it's one of those fucking days_. She swipes my card, and I go over to the barista counter to wait for my order. I see something shift out of the corner of my eye and it catches my attention, so I turn my head.

"Bella?" I say as I start to walk over to her table. She is staring off into space, looking like she is deep in some kind of thought, and there is a small frown on her face. She has her Mac open on the table as well as a book, a small paper notebook, her iPhone, a pen and a highlighter. _That's a lot of shit_. Looking at her more closely, I notice that one of her ear buds has fallen out of her ear and her hair is supposed to be up in a ponytail, but most of it has fallen loose. _She has probably been tugging at it._ The sun is streaming in from the window she is sitting in front of and it's reflecting in her eyes to bring out a touch of gold amongst the deep brown. She looks comfortable in a pair of jeans that she obviously loves if the worn in holes along her legs are any indication, and a plaid shirt with just the right amount of buttons undone. She either sees me approaching or hears me call her name, but she flinches slightly and then relaxes her shoulders once she recognizes me. I give her a small smile. I guess to reassure her that I'm not going to fucking hurt her, and she gives me a small smile in return. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I used to spend most Sundays here before...when I lived in Seattle. I usually sit back there, but I've lost my spot in my absence. So I am sitting here today," she says, pointing towards the back corner of the store, which would explain why I have never seen her if she has been here every Sunday. You can't see shit in that corner. I notice that she also brushed over what caused her to leave Seattle. "What brings you here?"

"Uh, well this is the Starbucks I pretty much come to all the time. And I pick up the coffee on Sunday for Emmett and Jasper as well before work." She looks at me for a moment, and then she nods her head in understanding. _I wonder if she's thinking that she's never seen me in here either_. "Mind if I take a seat? Emmett's coffee concoction can take a minute to make." Bella simply shakes her head and gestures for me to sit in the chair across from her.

I sit down and notice that Bella shifts in her chair a little bit. "So, what is all this?" I ask, waving my arm over her belongings on the table. I can't believe this tiny ass table holds all that shit.

"Well, I've been out of work for quite a while because of..." she takes a breath and then clears her throat, "so I have some stuff to catch up on. I usually do work here on Sundays. And this is all the stuff I use to work," she finishes, and I nod. That makes twice she has abruptly brushed over the night at The Lenox. We sit there in silence for a minute, and I notice another person is suddenly standing at the edge of the table and Bella must notice too because we look up at the same time. We both lean back in our chairs; I don't think I realize before that moment that I was leaning in towards her. _I wonder if she noticed_.

"Here's your coffee, Edward," Kim says through a forced smile, and plops the cup holder with the four coffees on the table. Then she takes a side glance at Bella and I swear I saw Kim scowl at her, but before I can react she walks away. "Have a good day," she calls over her shoulder.

I look over to Bella, and she is looking after the girl like she just smacked her in the face. I kind of fucking feel bad about that, so I try and talk to her. "So, is this your first time back in the city?" My speaking startles her, and she drops the pen she had in her hand and it hits the floor. We both bend down to pick it up at the same time, and our fingers brush as our hands approach the pen. It feels like a sharp jolt of electricity just hit my hand and ricocheted off of every nerve in my body. Like if I was shuffling my feet across the carpet and then tried to touch a wall. Bella pulls her hand back, and I assume she must feel it too. It's strange, because this entire room is stone tiling. _Hmmm. Maybe the carpet from my car._ I place the pen on the table just as my phone chirps to let me know I have a text.

_"Where is my fucking coffee asshole?_"

It's Emmett. Sometimes he's almost as grumpy as me without his coffee, and I think that he actually gets regular sleep at night. I look up at Bella and she's looking at the floor. "Uh, I need to go and take Emmett his coffee." She simply nods at me in acknowledgment but doesn't say anything.

"See you around?" I ask her and again, she nods but doesn't say anything. I sit there for another moment. _This is not going to work._

"Bella?" I call her name and she looks at me. "See you around?" I ask her again, and I give a small smile and this time she nods and smiles back at me. One minute she's talking and the next she can't say a word. _Contradiction_.

I get up to leave and my phone goes off again. _Fucking Emmett_. I grab my phone to send back a really fucking harsh text message and see that it's not from Emmett.

_"I thought you were fucking tired and didn't feel like socializing today?"_

The text is from Kim. I look up from my position close to the door and look around for her. I see her next to the cash register by the mugs and we make eye contact. She is glaring at me, and I narrow my eyes at her. I hold her eyes for a moment before I look slightly past her and see Bella looking at me and watching the silent exchange between Kim and me. I smile at her, and she turns her head down to her hands that are folded in her lap. Looking back to Kim, I see her now throwing a frosty glare in Bella's direction. She turns back to me, and I stare her down for one more second before I head out the door, shaking my head. _I fucking knew that was a mistake before it even started. Clingy bitch_.

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**A/N: **

**Ok, I realize Forks is obviously 3 hours and change from Seattle and not 45 minutes. I knew this when I started this fic. Port Angeles is just not big enough for my mind. So Seattle and Forks it is and I shortened the distance. Would you like to drive 3 hours to work everyday? I doubt it. It's fiction. **

**Risotto…yum.**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	16. Ch 15: Masquerade

**A/N: **

**Just a little PSA for this fic: This has come up a few times so I think it needs to be addressed. Bella is NOT pregnant. I am not a complete monster and I could not write Bella being saddled with Mike's baby after what he did to her. Bella will not be getting pregnant in this fic.**

**Lots of love to cclore and PhoenixMP3 for proofing this beast.**

**cclore you know you're my muse. You all can thank her for the flow of the Halloween party amongst other things. less than 3 you, kitten!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 15: Masquerade**

**BPOV **

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Pulling into my space in the driveway, I'm relieved to see that Alice is not home. This means I have some time to myself. Walking into the dark house, I immediately go around to different rooms and turn on the lights hoping to send away the shadows being cast by the setting sun. I don't think Alice has any idea how creepy this house can be empty and in the dark. Heading upstairs to my room, I set my stuff down and slip my shoes off. I'm so cold and my body starts to shiver from the chill. I realize that I left my coat at work and I drove home in the brisk fall weather without it. I decide that taking a shower will help to warm up my body. Subconsciously, I know that I am just using the shower to avoid certain situations.

Pushing reality aside, I sulk into the bathroom and strip out of my clothes as the water streams down from the showerhead to let the freezing cold water out of the pipes. Stepping into the shower, it feels nice. More than nice. It feels like a blanket; the steam and the heat enveloping me and shielding me. If only it could guard my heart and shield my emotions. I rest my forehead against the cool tile and I fight to push back the tears that are so close to the surface. My chest puffs out as I inhale deep breaths through my nose and exhale out of my mouth. The contrast between my skin and the hot water start to level off and the warmth from the water is not as strong. I can feel the blanket start to lift.

I can no longer hold them back and as the tears break through, I move to sit on the floor of the shower. Hugging my legs to my chest, I rest my forehead on my knees and let the tears flow mixing with the stream of water from the showerhead above. I can taste the saltiness of my tears as they stream past my lips and down my chin. _How did I get here_? Less than six months ago I was taking steps towards life as an adult. Graduating from college, working at a job that I love and living with my college sweetheart. I had more than most people my age could ever dream to want. And after a childhood of pain and loneliness I was finally starting to feel like the evil shadow in my life was turning away and letting me live. Releasing the horrible grip it has held for the past seventeen years. But of course, I am not so lucky. And I'm kicking myself for ever thinking that living was an option for me.

Getting by, that's what I'm good at. Getting by is what I set my mind to. I've done it before; I know I can do it again. But in the silence, in the space where I am by myself, there are times when the shadows take me. The guilt, the pain, the anger, the shame, the sadness, the fear all swallow me. It's never convenient, but by now I should be used to it. The shadows always appear in those brief moments where I feel the light. At those rare times where I dare to feel happiness, relief, peace, contentment, cheer, optimism, pleasure. Today proved to be no exception.

_"When are you coming home?"_

_I stared at my iPhone, my eyes reading and re-reading those five words over and over again. I checked the number again to make sure I wasn't imagining things. Maybe the text is from Alice, just checking to see what time I am going to be home. But it's not. It is certainly a text from Mike. _Why didn't I erase his number? If I did, would that matter?_ It's as if his hands reached through the phone in that one sentence and put me in that vice grip again. The double beep of someone unlocking their car close by in the garage startles me and I jump slightly at the noise._

_I shove my phone back into my purse. Opening my car door, I toss my stuff into the passenger seat and shove my keys into the ignition stirring the engine to life. I look over at my purse in the passenger seat that holds the offensive object I so desperately want to get away from. Why? Why now? Why today? I sit there for another minute or so as my mind engages in an internal battle over what to do. _Do I text him back? Do I call? Do I go and face him? Do I do anything_?_

_Headlights flash in my window breaking me from my thoughts and my fear wins out- do nothing. I may be ready to return to work. I may be ready to try and have friends. I am not ready to face Mike. I am not ready to face myself and the truth of that night._ Will I ever be ready_?_

Sitting on the floor in the shower, I chastise myself for overlooking this fact and letting my guard down to relax and enjoy the company of others. I berate myself for smiling at the success of my work day. I silently reprimand myself for being proud of getting through it. Getting the text message from Mike proved to be the reminder that I messed up in feeling those things. How foolish I have been to think that I could just walk away from _that_. Seeing the text message scared me and shocked me back to reality. The reality that will always lurk under the surface no matter what I display on the outside.

The tears continue to fall as I feel the sadness give away to regret, which leads to determination; the determination to just get by like I always have. I've been doing it for seventeen years, piece of cake. I lift myself up from the floor of the shower and shut off the water. Wrapping a towel around me, I open the bathroom door and leave the tears behind. _Piece of cake_.

By the time I get out of the shower and head downstairs, Alice is home. I walk into the kitchen and I see her on the phone laughing. She turns to look at me as I enter the kitchen, and I see a genuine smile and a twinkle in her eye. _Must be talking to Jasper_. She holds up a finger to me to let me know she'll be done in a second. I head over to the fridge and grab a bottle of water and leave the kitchen, heading towards the living room. I plop myself down on the couch and turn on the TV to see what's on. It's just after seven so my choices are pretty limited in terms of network television. I continue to flick through the channels to see if a movie is on, when Alice comes into the living room and hops onto the couch next to me.

"So tell me about your first day back," diving right into what she wants to know. I take a deep breath to steady my nerves and look over at Alice. I see some worry in her eyes so I smile at her. Nothing over the top. Not a full mouth smile, just a small smile to ease her worry.

"It was good actually. I was nervous this morning, but by the end of the day I felt relaxed." I look at her again and see that the worry has left her face. I take a sip of the water in my hands, using the action as a chance to gather my next thoughts. "Thanks so much for the strawberries. You know they're my favorite." Alice smiles at my recognition of her gift and that makes me feel happy for a moment.

"Did you eat them all?" she asks with a wicked grin.

"No, I saved some. They're in the fridge," I say back, chuckling to her. She just smiles at me and darts off in the direction of the kitchen. Alice comes back into the living room and plops down next to me holding the box out for me to take a strawberry. I take one and look at it for a moment, thinking about the rest of my day. The rest of my gifts.

"Hey, Ali?" I start to say, and she turns to look at me mouth full of chocolate covered strawberry goodness, courtesy of Godiva. "I got a basket from the guys today." I have no idea when I started to refer to them as "the guys," but it just seems to fit. So I go with it.

"Yeah, Jazz mentioned they sent you something. He wouldn't tell me what though. When I tried to pry it out of him, he pretended like his call was dropping and rushed me off the phone." I just laughed at Jasper's very primitive evasive technique. As if that would actually stop Alice from getting information. Alice looks at me, waiting for me to fill her in. _See my point._

"Well, there was a large basket of daisies. And a gigantic balloon. Huge, Ali. I bet that thing could lift you in the air. And the balloon said "Congratulations, Bella!" in these huge silver letters," I pause before continuing. Not for any reason in particular, but I realize I stopped talking when Alice speaks.

"A personalized balloon? Wow. I only just told Jasper on Saturday that you were going back to work Monday. Was there anything else?" At her question, I look over to her and she is giving me an intense stare. To be honest, it's kind of unnerving. I'm pretty sure that she already knows the answer to her question, but I have to answer anyway.

"Uh, yeah. There was a card." Looking at her, she is waiting for me to fill her in on what the card said. I let out a loud sigh. I don't see why I'm being such a scaredy cat about this. It's just a card. "Each of them hand wrote me a little line wishing me well on my first day." I'm still looking at her and she quirks an eyebrow as if to say 'go on.'

"Emmett said: _"I'm fucking proud of you, Bella Bear! Knock 'em dead!'" S_he just laughs at this, probably still laughing at the fact that Emmett has decided to call me "Bella Bear." Even I have to chuckle because the line is so totally Emmett.

"Jasper said: _"Hope you have a great first day back, Bella. I knew you could do it." _When I tell her this, she smiles and a look of tenderness crosses her expression. She is clearly proud of Jasper's sentiment. I recall how I felt when I read his message this morning. I felt happy at the expression of encouragement and belief that he had in my ability to recover. I pause for another second, realizing that talking about Edward makes me nervous. I know she is going to ask and there is no point in putting it off so I just blurt it out.

"Edward said: _"Keep your head up. And try to stay on your feet. I won't be there to catch you._" As soon I a finish reciting his message, I know I'm blushing. I can feel it. I look at Alice and I can't even understand her expression. It's like a look of surprise or shock, but it also contains a hint of smug attitude. I wrinkle my brow at her expression, completely confused. I don't really know how I feel about what Edward wrote. I know that he has the most beautiful handwriting I have ever seen. And not just for a guy, I mean ever. Period. I assume the message has something to do with me running into him in the hall. I can't tell if he's being funny or sincere. I guess what I feel from the message is confusion and almost..._giddy_? I quietly laugh to myself at the thought.

It's quiet for a moment as I mentally review all three lines just like I spent a majority of the day. _Funny, sincere, and...what? And why does Edward's message instantly bring a smile to my face and heat to my cheeks? _

"That was nice of them. How does that make you feel?"

"Yeah, it was nice. I wasn't expecting it at all. To be honest, it kind of made my day." Alice just nods at my answer and steals the remote from my hand to continue flicking through the channels. Finding nothing of interest, she turns on the TiVo and plays last week's episode of Project Runway. We sit around and watch the episode that I know Alice has watched at least four times already. I just laugh at Alice as she shouts at the "sheer stupidity of the contestants," her words not mine. At one point in the episode, Alice is screaming about how you can't do a zip stitch on lace that sends her on a ten-minute rant about how to properly sew lace. Eventually, I tell Alice that the exertion of the day has tired me out and I'm going to bed. I get up and leave her screaming at the screen like a crazed sports fan.

I get into my room and crawl into my bed and I fall asleep before my head even has a chance to dent the pillow.

I wake up in the middle of the night and my entire body is dripping wet. Soaked straight through my pajamas. It feels like someone has dropped a bucket of water on me. Now coherent, I can't completely remember all of the details about what I was dreaming. In my awakened state, I feel terror. I move to the other side of the bed and slam myself into my pillow. Rolling onto my back, I replay as much of the dream in my mind that I can remember. It's not like a dream I have had before. This dream is more a product of my mind. In recent weeks, my dreams have always been replays of my life with Mike, always ending in panic stricken, terror. Ever since that night with Mike, I have only dreamed about my parent's death twice.

Tonight, I dreamt that his hands, Mike's hands, really did reach through my phone and trap me inside. Permanently. Once inside, the view turns into his apartment at The Lenox and I can see the world moving around me, but I can't get out. There aren't even any doors and the windows are all like the glass they use in police interrogation rooms. I can see out, but no one can see me. I scream and bang on the windows and there is no reaction from the passerby. Behind me, Mike lets out an eerie laugh and lunges at me. I scream at his advance and that is when I woke up.

Lying on my back, I stare at the ceiling and take some deep breaths to try and calm my nerves. I don't think I can go back to sleep now. I know I can't go back to sleep now. I reach my hand up to my forehead and I feel my damp hair clinging to my clammy skin. I try to think of things, anything, to rid me of the trapped images. Sighing in defeat, I realize that it's fruitless and the few hours I slept is all of the sleep I am going to get tonight. I sit up in bed and run my fingers over my face. I walk over to my bag and lift out my laptop to get some work done since I won't be sleeping. As I lift my Mac out of my bag, something falls out. Looking down at the floor, I see it's the card from Emmett, Jasper, and Edward.

I pick up the card and take it back with me to my bed along with my Mac. I set my laptop down on the bed and sit in front of it Indian style and go to turn it on. I read each line on the card a few times, always lingering on the last line from Edward. I squish myself down into my pillows so I am no longer fully sitting up. I roll over on my side and continue to stare at the card, taking my index finger and tracing each letter of his perfectly crafted handwriting.

_I'm banging on the glass as people pass by and no one is stopping. I tense up as I prepare myself for the eerie laugh I am sure will follow my soundless pleas. I place my hands on the glass, and I can sense that someone has entered the room. Although the hair on my neck has started to stand, I am not afraid. The closer they get, the more the hair rises. It's like a reaction to static electricity. I brace myself for their approach and I can hear my breathing pick up as they stop just a few feet away from me._

_"Bella," the velvet voice calls out. I turn around quickly at the sound because that is not what I expected to hear. I turn around to the most beautiful shade of green orbs I have ever seen. The turn must have been too fast because I sway to the side as I try to register my surroundings. Before I can stabilize myself, his hands are they're grabbing me and pulling me closer to stop me from falling. My entire body relaxes to his touch and I feel safe. All thoughts of being trapped abandoned._

When I wake up, I am still clutching the card and my right index finger is pointed towards "catch." Groggily, I sit up and notice my Mac is sitting at my feet, untouched and unmoved from where I left it. Sitting up, I pull on my ponytail and do a mental calculation about the night. Still clutching the card in my hand, I look at it one more time. Last night was the first time I dreamt of Edward Cullen.

**~F&FS~  
**

The rest of my week passes by in pretty much the same manner. Minus the hysterical, shower breakdowns. I am almost back into a regular routine. It's Sunday and I want to try and keep that routine momentum going. Prior to everything going south with Mike, I would spend several hours on Sunday at _my_ Starbucks in Belltown and either work or write. Other than going back to work, I have not been back to Seattle on my own and I am itching to get my entire routine back in order. When I get downstairs, Alice isn't home but she left me a note that she would be gone for most of the day and to call if I need anything.

I write a note for Alice to let her know where I am going in case she gets home before me and head out the door.

Sitting at the table I realize my work has gone practically untouched as I am thinking about the situation I find myself in. I haven't had another nightmare since Monday night, but that doesn't mean reality doesn't plague my mind randomly throughout the day. I simply cannot understand why Mike would even think that I would be coming home to him. It almost makes me angry for him to be so dismissive about the situation. The entire situation frustrates me. I'm sure sitting here, out in the open in Seattle, Mike's city, is not making matters any easier on my nerves.

I'm still thinking about Mike and staring at a blank screen on my computer, when an almost overwhelming wave of sadness washes over me and I feel myself holding back the tears. I can't do this here. I can't freak out. I feel sick to my stomach. As I stare out the window trying to reign in my emotions a sudden rush of warmth runs through me. I feel almost comforted, almost safe. My muscles tingle slightly, like when you come inside from playing outdoors in the cold, but it's the sensation before the painful burn of warmth. Then my brain kicks in and confusion takes over. I'm thinking of the mess my life has become and I feel warm and comforted? Maybe I'm more damaged than I even realize.

My thoughts are broken by the golden sounds of soft velvet being carried through the air.

"Bella?"

_Am I dreaming_? The sound is similar to my dream, but even better. Even more perfect than my memory recalls. The tingling in my muscles increases and my head snaps up to movement I can see out of the corner of my right eye.

"What are you doing here?" _Edward_. Our eyes meet and he gives me a warm, reassuring smile and I can't help but smile back. He continues to walk toward me and I realize that I never answered his question. I am too caught up in watching him approach me in his low slung jeans, topped by a very crisp and very white long sleeve t-shirt. He isn't wearing a jacket to fight against the bite in the chilly air, but instead is wearing a gray hoodie that looks so soft. He looks very casual.

"Oh, I used to spend most Sundays here before...when I lived in Seattle. I usually sit back there, but I've lost my spot in my absence. So I am sitting here today." I can't bring myself to talk about the reason for my absence out loud. Not here, not with anyone. I realize that I almost slipped and immediately put my brain on guard to avoid doing that in the future. "What brings you here?"

He tells me that he comes here regularly and I immediately wonder how I have never seen him before on Sunday or any other day. When I lived in Seattle, I frequented this Starbucks at least six days a week and often more than once a day. The sheer numbers of the situation should have had us bump into each other at some point. Right?

"...And I pick up the coffee on Sunday for Emmett and Jasper as well before work. Mind if I take a seat? Emmett's coffee concoction can take a minute to make." He's still talking and I realize he has asked me if he can sit down. I can't find my voice so I just gesture for him to take a seat. I'm embarrassed that I got lost in my own thoughts.

As he sits down, I shift uncomfortably in my seat. His close proximity makes the air even more charged with electricity and I can't help but wonder if he's wired with something. As absurd as that sounds, what other reason could there be?

He asks me about the items I have spread out on the table and he's smirking at me in amusement. There is a hint of a glimmer in his eyes and it makes me smile back at him. I explain to him about how I come here on Sundays to work, how I have a lot of work to catch up on since I left Seattle for Forks, paying extra attention to avoid the "Mike" portion of the scenario.

Edward and I sit across from each other in silence for a few moments. I am amazed at how relaxed the situation is. I don't feel like I need to say anything to fill the silence, it's very refreshing. With Mike, there was always the urge to fill the silence, to say anything and nothing at the same time. I'm just about to ask Edward about why would need to be at _Eclipse _so early on a Sunday, when I hear a nasally voice addressing him about his coffee. I lean back in my seat, simultaneously realizing that I was leaning forward towards Edward and that the employee who approached the table is not in a good mood.

I look up at the girl and she is glaring at me, evilly. _What is her problem_? And then she suddenly walks away mumbling something about having a good day. I'm so confused by her attitude that I just stare after her, watching her walk to the other side of the store.

"So, is this your first time back in the city?" Edward asks and the sudden break in silence startles me, causing me to drop the pen I am holding. Edward and I both reach down to grab it and as we reach for the pen, our fingers touch. The shock that curses through my body is sudden and unlike anything I have ever felt before. As I drop the pen, he picks it up and the shock wears off, but the tingling sensation remains. _What the hell_?

Edward places the pen back on the table next to my phone as his phone chirps on the table across from me. I look down and I realize that we both have the iPhone and chuckle to myself. I don't know why it's funny. Most people have them now, it's not like it's an isolated incident or anything. Yet, I still find it amusing.

Edward says he has to get going because Emmett needs his coffee and I assume that it is Emmett who sent the text message. He mentions that he'll see me around and I just nod my response. I am not sure I am even able to speak right now. The emotions warring inside me do not make any sense, as if I wasn't already overwhelmed by being here today. Now, I'm confused by that girl shooting death stares at me, I'm alarmed at the intense shock that rang through my body and the intense tingling of my muscles. Why should a stupid phone be amusing? And I am saddened by the fact that he is about to walk out of the door. Can I be sure that I will see him around? I continue to stare at the floor when he calls my name and the sound of it coming from his lips gets my full attention.

"Bella?" he calls and I lift my head up to look at him. Looking into his eyes, I see confusion and frustration, but also a flash of what? Happiness, amusement? I can't be sure. "See you around?" he concludes with a smile. His smile warms me straight to my toes and I give him a small smile back, nodding my response and watching him as he walks away.

As he reaches the door, his phone goes off again and I hear him let out a frustrated sigh. He pulls the phone out of the front pocket of his hoodie in a hostile manner and I actually fear for the person on the other side. I am also now aware of the employee who gave me such a horrible attitude just a few moments ago standing about three feet away from me. She's staring at me again with the death stares. This time her stares are accompanied by actions. She points at Edward then at herself and mouths the word "mine."

Realization dawns on me and I glance between the girl and Edward a few times as I fully process the information. The girl is giving me an attitude because Edward sat with me. They must be together and she doesn't want him associating with other females. If I didn't know before, I know now that Edward is just a friend. I look at him one more time and he is staring at me intently. His lips turn into a small smile, but I can't return it this time. Instead, I decide my hands are far more interesting. I look up a moment later and realize he is gone. Coincidentally, so is the tingling in my muscles. However, the wave of sadness is back.

I look over to where the girl is standing and notice she is still looking at me, but this time she has a smug grin. I turn back to my work to try and get something accomplished, but quickly realize that is not going to happen. Instead, I pack up my stuff and leave.

It's nearly noon by the time I get back to the house. Stepping out into the cool fall air, I'm no less confused than I was a little over an hour ago when Edward left me in Starbucks with little Miss Hostility. _But why am I confused? Why do I even care?_

The whole drive home, the events of the morning played again over and over in my mind. I can't ignore the surge of electricity I felt at the moment our fingers touched. No more so than I can deny something concrete like the sky being blue. The same thing goes for the tingling sensation that occurred the day he caught me in the hallway and every other time I have been around him. I saw the look in his face when our fingers touched. He had to have felt the same electric sensation that I felt. Not that I can explain it because I don't even understand it myself.

"_See you around_?" he asked. Does he plan on being around more?

I also cannot deny the actions of the Starbucks girl and Edward's behavior towards her. There is something there. Are they a couple? She gestured that he was hers, but he didn't really seem to reciprocate. Then again, who am I to claim to have any kind of knowledge about male behavior? I thought Mike loved me, but you don't hurt the ones you love.

I walk into the house and slam my bag on the floor out of frustration. The next thing I know, Alice is racing down the stairs in a bathrobe like she is on high alert. I look at her and her eyes are wide in shock. We just look at each other for a moment. I'm trying to understand her expression and I assume she is doing the same to me. There is another set of footsteps in the upstairs hallway and then Jasper appears, walking down the stairs to stand by Alice.

The front door is still open and I look outside and notice her car is there as well as a blue Range Rover, which I assume belongs to Jasper. I was in such a confused fog when I came home that I didn't even notice the luxury vehicles parked in my driveway. I look from Alice to Jasper and they both have slightly redder cheeks and are looking at me sheepishly.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I got home early and when I got your note, I figured you'd be gone all day like you used to..." Alice starts and I just wave my hand to make her stop.

"Please, Alice," I say with a chuckle. I'll just add embarrassment to the list of emotions to overtake my system today. Then Jasper starts talking and I really can't believe this is happening.

"Bella, I can go..." and I have to cut him off too.

"Honestly, guys. I don't care. I just came home frustrated and I didn't realize that anyone was here. You can continue doing... whatever. I'll be in my room." I look at them again and they seem less embarrassed, but more confused.

Can this day become any more of a mess? Thoughts of Mike, a charged encounter with Edward, disgruntled Starbucks employees, and my best friend trying to apologize for having sex in _her_ house? Where the thought of sex is completely repulsive to me right now, I can't begrudge her for wanting it; especially not with the man she loves. It's not like sex was used against her.

**~F&FS~  
**

"Pleeeaaase, Bella?"

I have been listening to Alice for over an hour as she tries to convince me to go to the Halloween party at Eclipse on Saturday. I already know that it's useless to argue with her. She has already made up my mind for me, but for some reason I am getting a small ounce of satisfaction listening to her beg me.

We've been going through a similar ritual for as long as I can remember. I'm not really into Halloween. The idea of dressing up in costume does not create a fun time for me. But Alice loves it and whether you let her or not, she takes it over the top. It usually takes a few hours for her to get me to verbally agree to her horrific idea of a good time, but I surprise myself this year when I almost give in immediately. Not that I've told her that yet.

"I don't have a costume, Ali. Some of us don't have an entire closet dedicated to playing dress up." Looking at Alice, I see the amusement come across her face. She is way too excited about this.

"Silly, Bella. Do you honestly think that I would 1) ask you to go somewhere unprepared and 2) pick out your own costume?" I just stare at her. The few times in my life that Alice has let me pick out my own Halloween costume, she has either made me take it back and we choose a new one or she sits down at her sewing machine and churns one out in a few hours. Apparently, my choices never meet Alice's approval.

"Fine, Alice. You win. I'll go," I stated and braced myself against the countertop just in time for her to lunge at me and pull me into a hug. She stands there jumping up and down and squealing with excitement for a few moments before she suddenly comes to an abrupt and still silence. The change in behavior is so sudden that it confuses me and I watch Alice as her brows furrow like she is trying to process something.

"That was too easy," she says so softly that I wonder if she is just talking to herself. There is a short pause before she continues. "Bella, I usually have to nag you for hours. Why, this year, do you give in so quickly?" she asks with a quirked eyebrow.

"I don't know, Ali. I figured I didn't ever really have a choice anyway." Alice just looks at me for a few moments and it's so silent that I am starting to get slightly uncomfortable under her gaze.

"Would this happen to have anything to do with _where_ the party is?"

"Alice, that's stupid," I reply back matter of factly.

Before she can say anything else, I leave the kitchen and head to my room. On my way to my room, I can't help but ponder her question and ask it of myself. _Does my giving in so quickly have anything to do with where the party is going to be_? The more I think about it, the more absurd it seems. However, even I am not convinced of my answer.

I'm sitting in the passenger's seat of Alice's Pretty Purple Porsche, nervously pulling at the hem of this tiny skirt she put me in and staring out the windshield. I pull the skirt down trying to avoid scratching my legs with the annoyingly, itchy tulle material under the ridiculously short skirt to my costume.

"Stop fidgeting, Bella. You look great," Alice states as she zooms down the highway towards Seattle. Most days I find Alice's energy endearing, cute, and contagious even. Today, I want to kill her for it.

She refused to let me see my costume until this morning and so I have spent the last three days anxious over a potential disaster. Then she comes bounding into my room this morning to tell me it's time to get up. It was 8:00 am and the doors don't even open until 9:00 pm. Then she is running all over the house in a flurry causing me to get a massive headache. It was just too much to deal with. Finally, she shows me my costume and we spent thirty minutes shouting at each other. She insisted that it's perfect and I insisted I was not going to wear a whored-up version of my favorite storybook character. I tried every possible reason to get out of wearing it. It's too short, I'm not blond, I won't be able to walk in the shoes, I'll feel too exposed.

As always, the argument was pointless because I knew I would end up in the costume industries, oversexed version of Alice from Alice in Wonderland.

So here I sit dressed as Slutty Alice in Wonderland, pulling on a tulle skirt and cursing the precariously dangerous Mary Jane shoes on my feet on my way to _Eclipse_ for a Halloween party that I am now dreading attending.

Alice pulls the Triple P up to the valet at _Eclipse_ and is out of the car before the attendant can even get to her door. I continue to stare down at my hands in my lap when I hear a knock on the window. Thinking it's Alice, I choose to ignore it. I need a moment to pull myself together. There is another knock on the window. "Go away, Alice," I shout through the glass.

There is a third knock on the window. I snap my head to the window to really let into Alice when I see it's not Alice Instead, it's Emmett.

"Hey, Bella Bear. Come on in and enjoy the party," Emmett says with the biggest and warmest smile. It's a genuine smile and it reaches his eyes. It's almost a complete contrast to his scarily, massive stature and it makes me smile. I open the door and step out of the car while Emmett takes my small hand in his large one. He walks ahead of me a step and turns to look at me as we walk through the door.

"Relax. Have fun," he calls over his shoulder.

We walk into Eclipse and I am amazed that it looks completely different than it did when I was here previously. It is completely decorated for Halloween. Except it's not cheesy streamers, awful balloons, and tacky pin-up cutouts. It's elegantly gothic. Dark and almost romantic. The lighting is very low since most of Eclipse is lit by candles tonight so it's difficult to make out bodies and faces at first. Emmett pauses for a moment just inside the door to say hi to someone and I take that moment to let my eyes adjust to the darkness.

Emmett stops talking and we continue to walk towards the bar in the front where I can just make out Alice in her 'Dirty Dorothy' costume and next to her is Jasper dressed as the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz. They look so cute together in their coordinated costumes. Alice mentioned it to me earlier, but I was spending so much time fuming about my 'Slutty Alice' costume that I didn't really digest the information. Now, standing here and watching them, I see what she was talking about. _Perfect match.  
_  
As we reach Alice, Emmett lets go of my hand and Alice turns to look at me "Glad you decided to join us, Bella," she says with a smirk. I just roll my eyes at her and prop myself onto the stool that Jasper has pulled out for me.

Moments later a set of perfectly manicured hands appear around Emmett's waste and begin to travel up towards his neck. Emmett lets out a chuckle from their touch. I look at the bodiless hands in confusion since I can't see the person because they are blocked by Emmett. In a fast movement, Emmett grabs a hold of one of the hands and pulls the body to stand in front of him and pulls the person in for a very deep kiss. _Rosalie_. It has to be Rosalie. I don't imagine Emmett is the type to kiss someone that isn't his girlfriend. Rosalie starts to giggle a little and Jasper clears his throat. I can hardly imagine why. He always has his paws on Alice and her tongue is always in his mouth. Rosalie pulls away from Emmett and moves to stand beside him, swatting at Jasper for breaking up their little make-out session. Emmett makes introductions between Rosalie and me since she already knows everyone else. I reach out my hand to give her a handshake and she just leaves it hanging there. She glares at me, her icy blue eyes trolling over my body, assessing me. I feel a shiver go down my spine and it's not even cold in here. I let my hand drop to my side and look over to Alice who gives me a small smile.

Rosalie starts to talk to Alice and her attention is averted from me. While they are talking, I take the chance to really take a good look at Rosalie. She is stunning. I mean, probably the most beautiful woman I have _ever_ seen. I suddenly feel very self-conscious. I look between Rose and Emmett and I see they are also in matching costumes, dressed as a 1920's Gangster and his girl. Rose's costume doesn't leave a lot to be desired. The skirt is very short, shorter than mine, and very tight. The top has cut outs that leave a good portion of her back and stomach exposed. And the neckline is cut so low her boobs could pop out at any moment. The costume is tapped out with a very sexy pair of lace-up, knee high boots that I know I would spend more time on my rear end than my feet if I wore them. And her long blond hair is worn down her back and her head is topped with a fedora. Her appearance only increases my self-consciousness as I realize that I'm wishing I could have her body for just one day.

Alice and Rose are having a discussion about some photo shoot, Jasper has walked off somewhere and Emmett is talking to an employee behind the bar. I'm still sitting on the same stool as before and I can't decide if I'm bored or just antsy.

"Penny for your thoughts?" a smooth voice asks from my right side. At the sound of his voice my body tenses from the sudden sound and then relaxes almost as quickly. I turn to look at him and all breath leaves my body as I take in the sight.

I knew he would be here. I know it is him standing next to me at the sound of his voice. What I did not know, what I was not prepared for is the sight of him. Edward Cullen is standing next to me in all his splendid-ness and I'm pretty sure my heart just stopped beating.

"How are you, Bella?" he asks me with a wicked grin and the sound of his voice takes me out of my stupor, providing me with the space to have a little bit of thought.

"Uhm, er. Uh. I'm fine," is all I can manage to squeak out.

"Don't just stand there, Edward. Offer the lady a drink," Jasper drawls out, coming back to the circle just in time to save me from ogling Edward any further. Edward looks at Jasper and then back to me, still wearing that wicked smile.

"What's your poison, Bella?" he asks, and I resist the urge to say "you" in response. _Where is this coming from?_

My mind goes blank. What do I like to drink? Alice is laughing at something Rosalie says and I am brought back to reality for a moment. _Vodka_.

"Uhm. Grey Goose and tonic please, with a lime." Edward stares at me for a moment before he moves around to the other side of the bar and starts to make my drink.

I watch him as he moves. I'm not exactly sure what his costume is. But he has on a slim pair of black slacks that frame his legs and butt so perfectly. His torso is adorned with an emerald green vest and matching bow tie. The green of his clothes still pales in comparison to the vibrant green of his eyes. That sends my brain into a total meltdown. His head is capped out with a green top hat and I wish he wasn't wearing it so that I could see his bronze locks roam free. As he makes my drink, I notice the lean muscles in his bare arms flexing under his skin and causing the armband on his right arm to move along with them. The flex of his muscles is mesmerizing.

Edward hands me my drink and he chuckles. My eyes snap to his and he's eying me. I feel so naked under his gaze.

"What's funny?" I ask.

"So, you're Alice?"

"Uhm. No, that's Alice," I respond, pointing to Alice who is now next to me, tongue in Jasper's mouth as usual. I know he has met both of us, so I find his mix-up very aggravating. I roll my eyes and turn back to Edward. Edward leans across the bar, bringing his face closer to mine. Instinctively, I lean in as well.

"No, Bella. You're Alice," he says, gesturing to my costume with his eyes. I look down at my costume and I feel the blush rise to my cheeks. I'm not sure if it's the embarrassment from not realizing what he was saying or from his gaze. He lets out a small laugh and I find that I'm annoyed by the sound.

"And who are you supposed to be?" I ask probably not sounding as menacing as I want to sound. Edward quirks a brow at me and then laughs.

"I'm the Mad Hatter, Bella," he says before strolling off to talk to someone close to the door. As he walks away, he is laughing. Again, I find myself confused and giddy. _Damn contradictory emotions_.

I look to Alice and she is looking at me now. She simply shrugs at me and then tells the bartender what she wants to drink.

"Looks like you need another drink already, Bella," Alice says as the bartender hands her the drink she ordered, some pink thing in a tall glass. I look down at my glass and I realize I have already drained it. I didn't even taste it. I order another drink and Alice drags me onto the dance floor once it arrives.

"Alice, how am I supposed to dance in these shoes?" I yell at her as she is practically running and dragging me along with her.

"Come on, Bella. It'll be fine."

I let Alice drag me onto the dance floor and I somehow manage to stay off my butt in these dangerous shoes Alice has chosen for me to wear. I wonder where the guys are and I realize that they are probably working since this is their place and their party. I guess I just expected Alice and Jasper to be all over each other all night. Looking over towards the bar by the dance floor, I see Edward is standing there and talking to an employee. His demeanor is very different when dealing with people here than in my few interactions with him. With me, he's always been friendly I guess. Very evasive, but never harsh or strained like he is at this moment. He turns in my direction and notices me looking at him. He shoots a small smile in my direction, his demeanor is light again, and then turns back to his employee with the stern exterior returns. His smile sends a warm sensation through my body and I immediately choc it up to the alcohol.

"I'll be right back, Bella. I need to use the little girl's room." I think that's Alice talking to me, but I can't be sure. I just notice she's gone and I stand on the floor for a moment. I'm about to turn and walk away and join her or sit down somewhere when I hear someone call my name.

"Bella?"

I turn around at the sound of a familiar voice, but not one I can pinpoint exactly, to come face to face with Collin Saunders. Collin is one of Mike's friends and business associates that I've had the unfortunate experience of being around on several occasions. Before I can even respond, he is wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug.

"Long time no see, Bella. What are you doing here? Mike mentioned you were on assignment for work. Some tour or something. Does he know you're back in town?" I am completely confused by what he said. _Mike says I am out of town? Does he not even acknowledge our relationship is over? I've been gone for close to two months. What is going on?_ I stand there blinking at Collin and he is now waving his hands in my face. "Earth to Bella. I asked you a question," he says in a more menacing and less friendly tone.

I am already uncomfortable with this situation, but the change in his tone makes me cringe. Still trying to wrap my head around what he said and what is going on, I start to turn and leave when Collin grabs my arm.

"Let go of me."

"Where are you going, Bella? You have not answered my question," Collin bites back.

I'm stunned, but I still try and pull my arm from his grasp and try not to fall over in my haste when I see a flash of green in front of me and the grip on my arm lessens. I look up to see those stunning emerald orbs staring down at me and my breath catches in my throat. _Edward_. He leans down to me and covers my mouth with his and he rests both of his hands on my hips. I let out a sigh as my body registers what is happening. Unsure of what to do with my hands, I place them over his on my hips. If I thought I felt a tingling in the hallway when he caught me or a spark when our fingers brushed over the pen, what I feel now is an electrical wave sweeping over my entire body. I tentatively kiss him back, unsure of what to do or what exactly is going on. His mouth moves over mine and I can taste mint and lime and I can smell the alcohol on his breath. There is something else too. Edward breaks the kiss and looks behind over his shoulder. I peer around his arm and I see that Collin has walked away.

He turns to to look back at me "Are you okay?" he asks. I simply nod my head because I am incapable of coherent speech at the moment. "Good," he says before he gives me a small smile and walks off into the dark.

I don't think the kiss lasted very long, but I can't be sure. Maybe the song has changed, but I have no idea. The song changes to something very fast and I realize that my heart is beating faster than the music. I move in the direction of the bathroom and I reach the door just as Alice is coming out.

"Bella, are you okay?" she asks, examining my face.

"Yeah. I just, uh. I need to use the bathroom now. I'll meet you out there okay?" I say to her and push into the bathroom. Once inside the bathroom, I fly into one of the stalls and lean against the wall. _What was that?_ I am completely overwhelmed with the emotions and feelings. The mix of the alcohol, the encounter with Collin and the kiss from Edward is sending my head reeling. But the sensations from the kiss with Edward resonates the strongest. I can feel where his lips touched mine and my mouth still tingles. But why? He can't possibly be interested in me. I mean, we don't even know each other. _Definitely the alcohol_.

I compose myself and head back out into the throngs of people. Looking around, I notice that there are a lot more people than there were a few moments ago and the dance floor was already packed before I left it. I see Alice standing by the dance floor with Jazz and I head in that direction.

"Bella!" I hear my name be called again, but this time I don't turn around. I really can't handle another shocking encounter. I think this night is turning out to be more than I can take. I reach Alice and Jasper just as a soft hand grabs my arm. I brace myself for more drama and turn around to see Angela standing before me with her boyfriend Ben. "Bella, I was calling you. You didn't hear me?"

"I'm sorry, Ang. It's pretty loud in here. The music must have drowned you out," I reply back with relief. Glad that the person calling me is someone I might actually want to talk to. Alice already knows Angela, but I make a round of introductions anyway just to be sure to get everyone. Jasper turns towards the bar and hands us all a round of drinks and there is small talk before Alice and Jasper head off to the dance floor. Ben walks off to go talk to some guys he recognizes and Angela and I are left standing there with our drinks. I smile at her and she smiles back before pulling me onto the dance floor as well. _Why does everyone feel it's okay to drag me around_?

I'm out on the dance floor dancing with Angela, kind of. I feel very warm from the drinks I have consumed and the heat from dancing around. Ben comes over to see if Angela is okay, and he hands us both another drink before heading off. I look around the dance floor at all of the people and I see a familiar head of bronze hair moving among the people. Turning in my position slightly, I see that Edward is on the dance floor. Shifting a little bit more, I see that he is dancing with a girl, but I can't make out any details about her in this darkened space. All I can see is how close they are and his hands on her hips as he grinds his pelvis into her butt. Her arms are lifted and I follow their lines to her hands that are fisted in his hair. The same hair that I have imagined touching. The sight of her hands in his hair sets a pain in my chest and I want to turn away, but I can't. It's like watching a train wreck. And I'm not sure if I am talking about watching Edward with the girl or my reaction to what I am seeing.

"Bella? Hello? Bella? Do you want another drink?" Angela asks me from the side. I simply nod at her and then turn in her direction.

"Make it a double."

Angela comes back with my drink and we dance some more. At this point, I am feeling very relaxed. I'm probably drunk, but I refuse to acknowledge it. Angela and I leave the dance floor and she goes in search of Ben and I tag along. Once we find Ben, they decide they are going to head out. We say our goodbye's and I head off in search of Alice to see if we can go home. I'm spent, this day has been exhausting from the moment I woke up and I just want to go to sleep. I look around for Jasper because he will be easier to spot and Alice will undoubtedly know be close by. At the very least, he'll know where I can find her. I walk around the lounge, the bar, the dance floor, and the eatery and I don't see them anywhere. I check the bathroom last and I still don't see her. I turn to head towards the stairs thinking that either she is up in the offices or has left._ Crap. Alice drove. _I take out my iPhone to be prepared to call her or a cab just in case. If she has gone home, I can call Angela and see if I can stay with her tonight. I look at my phone and I have two missed calls and one new text message. The phone calls are from an unknown number, but the text is from a recognizable name. I can feel the tremor run through my body and I fight the fear as I press the screen to view the message.

_"I'm tired of your games, Bella. Come home and stop slumming. I'll forgive you."_

It's another text from Mike. I can't fight the fear anymore and my body starts to fall, but I never hit the ground.

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**A/N: **

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	17. Ch 16: Sensory

**A/N:**

**To My Darling Beta's Cclore and PhoenixMP3: *kisses* and you deserve it for editing this shit. Especially the second ½ that was written during an Ambien induced evening.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Edward, sadly.**

**

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**

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 16: Sensory**

**EPOV **

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"So these are the ten new tracks you want to play tonight?" I ask DJ Silver as I look over the list on the screen. He's in the middle of arranging some of the other songs for the night and he simply nods his answer. I look at the list some more and decide it's acceptable. We huddle over the boards a little more**,** rehashing some of the choices when the door to the booth opens and Jasper starts to ascend the few stairs to the platform.

"Hey," Jasper says**, **clapping me on the back and nodding to DJ Silver**. **"Alice and Bella just got here. Come on and say hi."

I let him know I'll be there in a second when I finish what I'm doing and he turns to head out of the booth after nodding his approval of the list. I saw Alice a couple of times this week when she stopped by _Eclipse_ or the night we went to dinner and she was with Jasper. I haven't seen Bella since Starbucks that Sunday morning. On that day, I was going to let her know about the party tonight, but the situation never came up. Then, at dinner on Wednesday**, **Alice said she and Bella would both be attending. Problem solved.

A few minutes later I exit the booth and stop to tell Daniel to bring DJ Silver a drink as I walk through _Eclipse_ towards where I'm sure Jasper will be with Alice and Bella. I reach the bar by the entrance and I don't see Jasper, but I see Emmett behind the bar, which means my sister isn't too far away. Looking around the area some more, I see Rose standing and talking to Alice who is slightly taller tonight because of her shoes, but still considerably shorter than Rose. I shake my head slightly at the lack of costume my sister is wearing and notice that Alice is dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. It doesn't escape me that Jasper is dressed as the fucking Scarecrow from the same damn movie. A small chuckle escapes my lips when I think about the fact that they match**;** it's fucking ridiculous and 100% Alice. I look to the left a little and see Bella sitting on a barstool. She has her hands in her lap and she is fidgeting, but the look on her face is far away, like she isn't really here at _Eclipse_ tonight. She doesn't appear upset or wistful, just absent.

I start to walk closer to where everyone is standing around and my steps falter when I realize what Bella's costume is. She is dressed as fucking Alice from Alice in Wonderland. I didn't notice at first because she is sitting down and that hides most of her costume. But the closer I get, the more obvious it becomes. I look over in Alice's direction and she's watching me walk while Rose is talking to her. I make eye contact with her and she has a smug fucking look on her face. She turns her glance towards Bella and then back to me, gives me the once over, shrugs, and goes back to her conversation with Rosalie. Somehow, Alice planned this shit. I mentally recall any recent conversations with Alice and I can't remember ever telling her that I picked the Mad Hatter for my costume. And I had only just made this decision three days ago. Yet, somehow she fucking managed to have Bella's costume match mine. Shaking my head**,** I continue to the bar and notice Bella is still in her own little daydream and has yet to rejoin the party.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I ask as I approach her and lean against the bar.

Her body stiffens and then seems to relax. I assume I startle her out of whatever she was thinking about. The far away look is gone from her features and there is a slight blush approaching her cheeks that I am surprised I can see in the darkness of the room. She turns to me**, **acknowledging that I spoke to her and I watch her eyes widen as she takes in my appearance. I've seen this same expression on her face a couple of times before and it still sends a jolt to my system. It's not a lustful expression like I receive from so many women. It's a look of appreciation and that is something so rare, I find it refreshing. I ask her how she is or how she's been and it causes her eyes to snap to mine. She mumbles something about being fine and turns to look at the damn floor. _Always the fucking floor. What is so interesting about the damn floor?_

I let out a sigh as Jasper heads back into the area and tells me to offer Bella a drink. I give him a frustrated look**;** _why the fuck hasn't anyone offered her a drink up to this point?_ I know they didn't just walk into the place. I look back at Bella and she's looking at me expectantly.

"What's your poison, Bella?" I ask**,** giving her a smile. I watch her reaction and confusion mars her features for a second. I consider explaining to her what 'poison' means and hope to fucking hell that she knows what she likes to drink. It's so unattractive when a woman has no idea what she wants. Almost as soon as I finish my thought, she speaks up.

"Uhm. Grey Goose and tonic please, with a lime." Her answer catches me off guard and I have to wonder if I even heard her correctly. It's like she just fucking took my drink order right out of my damn head. _Grey Goose and tonic with lime? What are the fucking odds?_

Snapping out of it, I head to the other side of the bar to make her drink and I feel her gaze follow me. When I reach the other side of the bar, our eyes meet and she averts her gaze to the bar top. She is facing me now as I make the drink that I have made so many times**,** I'm pretty sure I could do it blindfolded, with one hand, and in my sleep. I finish making the drink and hand it to her**, **noticing that she is once again staring at me. I let out a small laugh and she looks at me.

"What's so funny?" I realize she has no idea why I'm laughing and quite frankly, neither do I.

"So you're Alice?" I say as more of a statement than a question. A look of pure confusion flashes her features before she settles on pure fucking annoyance.

"Uhm. No, that's Alice," she says in response, looking over to Alice and Jasper who are fucking all over each other. I resist the urge to laugh out loud at her response when I realize she thinks I have her confused with Alice. _Does she not know what her costume is_?

"No, Bella. You're Alice." Realization springs to her face, followed by that adorable fucking blush. I laugh a little and that annoyed look is back on her face.

"And who are you supposed to be?" she asks with a fake attitude.

Again, I resist the urge to laugh at her. Because honestly, I wouldn't be laughing at her but at the absurdity of this situation and I don't think she'd fucking understand. First, the fact that she doesn't even realize what her own costume is and then to not realize my costume as well is just too fucking funny.

"I'm the Mad Hatter, Bella," I say to her and walk off to laugh to myself while I handle some last minute things in the lounge.

About twenty minutes or so later**,** Emmett comes by and tells me that I need to go over to bar four because there is a problem with one of the fountains. Bar four happens to be the bar closest to the dance floor and as I make my way in that direction, I see Alice and Bella on the dance floor. Alice is so graceful that she pretty much glides across the floor. Looking at Bella, I expect her to be more awkward and falling all over the place, but she isn't. Bella has that same peaceful look on her face as that day in the kitchen when she was cooking and her hips were moving to the music in her ears. She's out there on the dance floor moving to the music, her eyes are closed and her hips are swaying to the sounds of _Daylight_. I don't even think she is aware of anyone else in the room. Again, I find myself captivated by the serenity of it.

Someone crosses between me and my view of the dance floor and it breaks me from my thoughts. I continue to make my way over to bar four to talk to Jeff about the fountain issue. I fucking swear I am tired of explaining to him how to change the carbonation filter when it runs out. I reach Jeff and I try to keep my calm so I can explain this to him one last fucking time. I'm in the middle of explaining to him that he can easily let one of the bar handlers know that it's out and to run and fix it if he's too busy to leave the bar, which always happens at night, when I feel like I'm being watched. I turn my head to see Bella is watching me**, **looking and watching my interaction with Jeff. It's too dark and she's too far away for me to make out the details of her expression. I give her a smile and go back to talking to Jeff and let him know I will get someone to change the filter for him and for Jeff to get back to work.

A few minutes later, I send Zach to change the filter and I am heading back towards the dance floor when I see Alice heading towards the bathroom. I expect to see Bella heading there with her, but Alice is by herself. I look out towards the general area where I saw them dancing earlier and I still don't see Bella. I head towards bar four to let Jeff know that Zach is changing the filter and to test it in a few minutes when I see Bella out of the corner of my eye talking to some guy as he releases her from a hug. My first thought is that this might be Mike, but I know Mike is blond and this guy has red hair. I'm not sure why, but I can't stop watching the exchange. I know I need to tell Jeff to test the fountain, but I can't turn away from Bella and the stranger.

I notice that Bella has started to walk away, but the stranger grabs her arm. Again, ideas of Mike flash through my mind. I start to approach them as I watch her try and pull her arm from his grasp, but he's too strong for her. The idea of him touching her against her will or hurting her spurs me on as I approach them. I reach them just in time to hear him bark at her about not answering a fucking question. The dynamic of the body language is fucking pitiful as he is now pulling her towards him and starting to leer over her. The fear radiating from her body is almost palpable. I make eye contact with the guy as I approach from behind Bella and he glares at me and puffs out his chest. _Is he fucking serious?_

I grab the wrist of his hand attached to her arm and squeeze it tightly in my grasp**,** forcing him to release her all the while his eyes are on my face. He clearly thinks better of the situation and chooses to walk away instead of starting anything more. Turning and looking at Bella**, **there is pure terror on her face and I want nothing more than to get rid of it. In that moment, all thoughts are gone, I lean my face down to hers and place my mouth on hers and allow my hands to rest on her hips. It only takes the fraction of a moment for Bella to respond and the jolt of electricity that shoots through my body heightens all of my senses. I am hyper aware of feeling her soft lips, the soft moan that escapes her throat resonates in my ears**,** sending a message to my dick, I can taste the vodka and lime on her lips with a hint of strawberry. The strawberry on her lips matches the scents that assault my nose. As I breathe in**,** I can smell the floral scent on her skin mixed with the strawberry scent of her hair and the slight saltiness from the light sheen of sweat produced by her dancing.

The song changes to _Move_ and I break the kiss. When I look down at Bella, the look of terror is no longer on her face**; **it has been replaced by a look resembling that same peaceful look she wore earlier while dancing. I check behind me and notice that the asshole is gone and turn back to Bella. I'm not sure what to say so I just ask her if she's okay and when she says she is, I walk away. I know it's fucking cruel to do, but what other choice do I have? It's not like I can actually have a conversation about it.

I stop at bar one and get a shot when I see Bella head towards the main bathroom just as Alice is exiting. They bump into each other and exchange a few words before Bella hurries into the bathroom and Alice turns to look in my direction. I choose to ignore her and order another shot just as Emmett walks over to the bar with Rose. The three of us order another shot and just stand around for a little while watching the people have a good time. _Eclipse_ really does run like a fucking well-oiled machine.

Eventually I decide I've had enough sitting fucking still and I head out to the dance floor. On my way there, I see Alice dancing with Jasper and close by**,** Bella is dancing with another girl. I assume she knows her, she seems comfortable. Before I can make any kind of decisions, I am being pulled onto the dance floor in the direction of the DJ booth by a girl in a Marilyn Monroe costume. I'm not totally sure if that was what they were going for, but that's how it appears to me. The girl turns around to face me and it's Kim's eyes that meet mine along with a huge fucking smile.

"I've missed you, baby**,**" she says as she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls my face down to reach hers. She kisses me and I can taste Jager on her breath and it makes my stomach clench. I haven't had that shit since fucking college. I fucking hate Jager. I break away from the kiss and stand back up**,** removing my face from hers. Kim looks up at me and she's pouting out her bottom lip like I've offended her. I don't really care, but I did come over here with the expressed purpose of dancing. Since she's here, I might as well get to the point.

_Bounce _starts to play and I move with the music and Kim starts to move with me**,** grinding her body into mine. I shift and put my left leg in between hers and she moans at the friction, pushing her body into mine even more. My hands find their way down to her ass and I rest them there. Suddenly, Kim whips her body around placing her back against my torso. This position allows her to easily grind her ass into my semi hard dick resting in my pants. Her hands travel from their position at her side and take mine to place my hands on her hips. She then moves her hands to travel up the length of her body, across her chest until they are above her head. She then rests her hands at the end of my hair peeking out from underneath my hat and starts to play with the strands she finds there. This new position gives Kim the leverage she needs to grind her ass into my dick- a dick that enjoys the friction and rises to the occasion.

I only danced with Kim for two songs and was about to continue when Emmett claps me on the back to let me know we had to prep for the costume contest. Emmett and I leave the dance floor when I see Bella about ten feet away from me standing still. I'm not sure what she is doing, but Emmett steps away to gather the ballots from the judges and I tell him I'll head to the stage to gather the crowd. As I turn to walk**,** I see Bella tremble and then her body starts to fall. I rush over to her and catch her body before it hits the ground. I pick her up in my arms and she's lighter than a fucking feather, the heaviest thing about her are the damn shoes she has on.

Emmett makes it back to me with the ballots just as I stand up with Bella in my arms "What the fuck happened?" He asks, his tone tone laced with concern.

"I don't know. She was standing there and then all of a sudden, she started to fall and I caught her."

"Maybe she drank too much. I did notice she was pounding them back," Emmett says and I can't say I disagree with him**.** I also noticed.

"Well, where is Alice? Bella needs to go home**.**" Emmett just shrugs at my question and I roll my eyes. I can only guess where they are and I bet I'm right. "Bullshit! Alice and Bella are never more than five feet apart from each other. Fucking find her and tell her I'm taking Bella home."

Frustrated**,** I carry a passed out Bella to my car, open the passenger side door and gently place her on the seat. I scurry around to the driver's side and slide in. I look at Bella and she is still passed out. I snap her in her seat belt and she has not moved an inch.

I put the car in gear and head to Forks to get Bella home. I've turned the heat up because it has turned chilly outside and Bella is wearing that fucking small and thin costume. I could almost feel her skin through the fabric as I held her in my arms. At one point she stirs and pulls her legs underneath her and I can see a flash of her creamy thigh peaking out of the skirt. _Fuck_! I turn my eyes back to the road and shift gears to get us to Forks faster.

About halfway between Seattle and Forks**,** Bella starts to shift in the seat and I look over in her direction to see a very confused set of brown eyes looking at me through barely open eye lids. She looks so tired and not just because of the late hour. She looks out the window at the passing forestation and then back to me.

"Where are we going?" she asks, her voice is dry and hoarse**,** no doubt from the alcohol and sleep. I would think that she would freak out being alone in the car with me after waking up from passing out in a packed club, but she's not.

"I'm taking you home. To Forks." She looks out the window for another minute before shifting in her seat to face me completely. Her left leg is curled underneath her and the bow on her white thigh highs is resting right in front of the opening between her legs. I feel my dick growing in my pants and take a deep breath before turning back to the road.

"Where's Alice?" I have no fucking clue what to tell her. I have no idea where Alice is or where she was back at _Eclipse_.

"Uh, I'm sure she'll be home soon," is all I manage to say. I feel confident in this answer because I'm pretty sure the minute Emmett tells Alice what happened, she'll hop right off Jasper's dick and head home to Bella.

Bella is looking down at her hands in her lap and fidgeting with the bottom of her costume. Every grab of her costume reveals a small sliver of skin on her thigh and I am starting to find it harder to look at the damn road in front of me. _Fucking alcohol_.

We ride in silence for a little while and are just inside the town limits of Forks when Bella lets out an audible sigh piercing the silence.

"Are you okay? We're almost there**.**" I'm not sure what else to say. She looks at me and her face is sad. I can see it in her eyes**,** the sadness is heavy. "Maybe next time you should lay of the fucking Goose," I say**,** laughing in an attempt to break the sadness stifling the cabin of my car.

Bella looks at me and smiles a little bit and I'm glad she no longer looks like she's being swallowed by the sadness. "It wasn't the alcohol," she says so softly that I barely hear her.

I pull into the driveway at their house and Bella tells me she's fine, she just needs to get some sleep. I walk over to the passenger side to help her out of the car and she looks at me strangely as I hold out my hand to her. It's a natural instinct at this point. I just smile at her as she places her hand in mine and that tingling sensation hits my fingertips. Bella wearily steps out of the car as if she doesn't trust her own legs and I put my hands on her shoulders to stabilize her.

"Are you alright to walk?" I ask her as I step around her and shut the car door. I look at her and the wind has her hair swirling all over the place and it's like a scene from a movie.

"I'm fine, Edward. What are you going to do? Carry me?" I can't help it, but I have to laugh.

"How the hell do you think you got from _Eclipse_ to my car?" I say laughing, but trying not to be so obnoxious.

Bella looks at me in complete shock like she's embarrassed that I carried her. Then she turns around and looks at my car and her eyes go wide at the sight. I can only see her face in profile, so I can't fully read her expression but I do see a small smile play on the corner of her mouth.

"This is your car?" she asks a little louder than a whisper. She turns to look at me and there is a fire in her eyes that is gone almost as quickly as it appears. She reaches out to touch the mirror and I have to restrain myself from removing her hand, but I tell myself if she takes it any further then I will have to stop her. "It's...very pretty." _Pretty? What the fuck?_ She drops her hand and starts to walk towards the porch and I follow right behind her to make sure she gets in safely.

Bella unlocks the house and she steps inside**,** immediately taking her shoes off. I stand by the door and watch as she walks to various rooms and starts turning lights on. It's a fucking odd behavior, but one I'm guessing is regular for her. She heads back towards the front door and offers me a drink. I accept the offer and we make our way to the kitchen.

What do you want?" she asks me as she reaches up to get two glasses from the cabinet. The movement causes her costume to rise and once again, I feel tightening in my pants. _Shit_.

"Whatever you're having**.**"

She moves to the fridge and pulls out a very chilled bottle of Grey Goose. The bottle is so fucking cold I can see the smoke lifting from it as it hits the warmer air of the house. Bella holds up the bottle in my direction and I nod my approval. She sets the bottle down on the counter and puts some ice in both glasses from the ice maker in the door of the fridge. She brings both glasses to the island where I am seated as well as the vodka, then grabs a bottle of tonic water from the fridge as well as a container with precut limes. _Holy shit. There's nothing like wanting a drink and having to stop and cut the lime. Perfect._ She sets all the items in front of me and stands there for a minute**, **fidgeting with a strand of her hair. I look at the spread and then at her and she's looking at me expectantly. I realize she wants me to make the drink.

"You don't know how to make it?" I ask her. _What the fuck?_ She has all of the ingredients and if she doesn't know how to make it then no amount of precut limes can redeem this situation.

"Of course I do, but I like the way you do it better," she says back to me and I think my eyes almost fell out of my head by the double implication of her fucking statement that I am sure was meant to be taken in the most innocent way. But how the fuck can you hear that and think about something as simple as making a drink? Bella flashes me a smile and I commence to making the damn drinks.

I hand her the drink and she takes a sip and looks at me over the rim of her glass. We drink in silence for a moment and I'm thinking about how this might be the best goddamn fucking vodka and tonic I have ever made or drank. Bella puts her glass down on the counter top and starts to swirl it around with the wetness created by the condensation. _Goddamn double talk again_.

"So you said it wasn't the alcohol before at Eclipse that caused you to pass out?" I said as more of a statement rather than a question. Bella is quiet for a moment and then she exhales a loud breath and I'm pretty fucking sure she has expelled all of the air in her body.

"No. I mean, the alcohol may have assisted. I don't know. I was fine. I didn't feel lightheaded or anything. I was looking for Alice because I was ready to go home. And I couldn't find her," she looks at me and I urge her to go on. "I started to think that she may have left and that I can get a cab to take me to Angela's, but I should call Alice and see where she is first. I take out my phone and I have some missed calls and texts. The phone number from the calls I didn't recognize so I went to the text and it was a text from Mike and it caught me off guard. So I guess that combined with everything else caused me to pass out."

While Bella is talking, I watch her body language and she is now standing there with her arms wrapped around her torso and there is a slight tremor running through her body. Her face has gone completely pale and she is refusing to look at me. It's fucking painful to watch.

"That doesn't make any fucking sense, Bella." She snaps her head up at me and I can see the tears threatening to spill over. She gets a tighter grip on her torso and starts to look at the floor again.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I guess I just don't understand. You were fucking passed out cold. Neither Emmett nor I could wake you up. I thought you may have had too much to drink or had taken something because when I picked you up**,** your skin was clammy and shit."

"I don't know how to make you understand, Edward," she says and she leans against the counter. Watching this is killing me. One second we're talking about how she likes the way I make a fucking drink and the next she's all coiled into herself. _This must be like what Jasper was talking about_.

"Try, Bella." I remove myself from the stool and start to move in her direction. Just as I'm about to offer her my jacket, or a blanket, or see if she wants to talk about it more**,** the front door bursts open.

"Bella?" Alice shouts as she runs into the kitchen. Spotting Bella, Alice makes her way into the kitchen. She moves so quickly and almost immediately has Bella locked in some form of girl embrace. I won't lie. It's funny to see that Jasper is not the only one who hasn't learned to brace themselves against an Alice attack.

"Bella, are you okay? What happened? I was with Jasper and Emmett came and said you passed out and Edward was taking you home. Why didn't you call me? I'm so sorry Bella." Alice finally finishes her fucking contrition monologue and lessens her grip on Bella**,** looking into her face just as Jazz enters the kitchen.

He stops next to me and we exchange a quick look**. **"How is she?" he asks.

"She seems fine. She's not _sick_." I start to get up and head into the hallway with Jasper right behind me. "She said something about being overwhelmed and looking for Alice and then getting a text message. That everything was too much so she figures that's why she passed out."

"Did she say anything else?" Jasper asks me.

"Not really, but I think you should get Alice to talk to her. I mean really fucking talk to her. You know that menacing shit she always pulls on one of us to get us to talk." Jasper laughs because he knows exactly what I'm talking about. Alice has done this to him on a million occasions and he's sat back and watched her do it to others. "You staying here tonight?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I think so. Emmett's still at Eclipse though." I nod and let him know I'm going to head out**.** God knows what the fuck mess is going to happen with Emmett on patrol. Any other night would be fine, but not a night when Rose is in town and dressed in next to fucking nothing. I head back in the kitchen and see Alice and Bella are walking out. Bella looks up at me from around Alice's arm and gives me a small smile.

"Looks like you're in good hands, Bella. I'll see you around." She detaches herself from Alice and puts her arms around my waist and rests her head on my chest**,** giving me a very simple hug. Too bad my dick disagrees as I can feel him stirring in my pants. _Fuck_.

"Thank you," she murmurs into the vest of my costume. I run a hand down her back and my fingers come into contact with her soft hair as the scent of strawberries wafts through the air.

"My pleasure, Bella**,**" I say, just as she releases my torso. Looking at her face, she is wearing a small smile and the color has returned to her cheeks. Alice comes over and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, well more like my jaw because she can't reach my cheek unless I bend down some. I turn to head out the door and let Jazz know I'll see him later at _Eclipse_ because this party is just as much his fucking mess as mine and Emmett's.

I slide into my Audi and immediately turn the music up**, **allowing the sounds to fill the air around me. I put the car in gear and pull out of the driveway and head down the road. I choose to drive at a respectable speed while in Forks**;** you never know what kind of animal might decide to run into the road. Replaying my conversations with both Bella and Jazz**, **I am curious about this text message thing. I didn't tell Jasper about who sent her the text message because it's not my story to tell, but I figure letting him know that a text had something to do with her passing out was fair game. For the life of me, I can't imagine what a text message could have said to cause her to lose consciousness like that. She was completely limp as I held her body in my arms. Totally unresponsive except for light breathing until we neared Forks. It's like she totally shut down. _How the fuck is that even possible from a damn text message_?

Nearing the edge of town I find myself frustrated from the thoughts about a fucking text message and I take a deep breath and I can still smell her. The scent of Bella is present in my car and it's strong. Her floral scent mixed with strawberries, sweat and leather is sending my senses into overdrive. Just outside of the town limits I shift into gear five and revel in the sensation as the engine lulls and then roars to life in response.

Driving down the tree wrapped highway**,** my memory flashes to the bow on the thigh of Bella's costume, the soft texture of her hair, the natural rosy hue on her cheeks, the feeling of her arms wrapped around me in that hug and how my body responded. I shift in my seat trying to get more comfortable as my pants feel just a bit too fucking tight now.

I get back to Eclipse and manage to see Emmett is actually not groping all over Rose, but in the booth with DJ Silver huddled over the boards. I head over to bar one and grab a drink to hold onto as I stroll around for the rest of the night. The party is set to go for a few more hours and with the exception of the fountain issue at bar four earlier in the night, everything is going really fucking well.

I grab another drink and I'm about to head over to where Emmett is with Rose when Kim walks up to me and immediately starts rubbing her body all over mine. She looks up at me and her eyes are all glazed over. I can't help but wonder how much she has had to fucking drink tonight.

"Come on, Edward. Come dance with me," she says**, **pulling me by the waist onto the dance floor. At this point, it really is fucking pointless to resist so I just go with it.

"Where did you go?" she asks as she starts to run her hands up and down my chest. Thoughts of Bella passing out and being asleep in my car come to mind.

"Shh. No talking**.**"

Kim does as I ask and she doesn't say anything else for the rest of the time we're dancing. At some point, I wave someone over to get us both another drink and we keep dancing. I'm being a lazy motherfucker and I let Kim do most of the work. As the bass line for _Lollipop_ thumps under our feet, her hair brushes across my bare arms as her head moves to the beat of the music. My hands are on her hips that rhythmically move to the music as she grinds against the growing bulge in my pants. Flashes of Bella peacefully dancing from earlier in the night come to mind. _Shit._

I get a tighter grip on Kim's hips and she starts to grind into me harder. The ache radiating from my dick is getting annoying. I lean down to her ear and tell her it's time to go. We step outside and Seth hails a cab for us. I give the cabbie my address and tell him there will be extra cash for him if he makes it in less than eight minutes. During the short cab ride to my apartment, Kim is straddling me, kissing on my neck and pulling at my clothes and my hands are roaming all over her body. I feel her skin through the thin fabric of her dress, the satiny material making it difficult to actually get a grip on anything.

We reach my place in seven minutes. I throw the cabbie a one hundred dollar bill and we both hop out of the car**,** both of us eager to get upstairs. Kim is eager for my dick and I'm eager to scour thoughts and images from my brain.

The ride in the elevator is a blur as the amount of alcohol I have consumed tonight plus the fatigue of the week is starting to fuck with me. We enter my place and we don't even make it to the bedroom. The door shuts behind me and Kim pushes me back so my body slams into the door. I wince as my back makes contact with the cool metal. Kim immediately goes to work on my neck licking, nipping, biting and I can't help the sounds that escape my throat.

I push Kim off of me and she looks up at me almost nervous. "Take it off," I tell her in reference to her costume. She wastes no time in doing as I demand. I remove the vest of my costume. When she removes the dress of her costume**,** I notice she is wearing some of those thigh high stocking pieces. Bella was wearing some of those too. _Fuck_.

I move closer to her and she giggles with anticipation. I reach her where she is standing and her hands move up my naked stomach to my chest and wrap around my neck**,** pulling my face down to hers. Our lips meet and she thrusts her tongue into my mouth. I taste Jager and tobacco instead of vodka and strawberries. The taste is all wrong. _Fuck_.

I've seen Kim naked before. There is nothing to imagine here, but she has a nice body so I'm not disappointed in that respect. I break the kiss and move my mouth to her left nipple and use my hand to tease the right**,** making Kim moan out with excitement. I switch off and let my mouth play with her right nipple that is now standing at attention from me teasing it manually and my hand plays with her left. Kim's tits aren't natural**;** that is fucking obvious from the moment you see them. I've sucked on fake tits and real tits and real tits always win. There's something about the way a real tit feels in my hand- soft and malleable. I bet Bella's tits are real and very soft. _Fuck_.

Kim's hands reach down to the waist of my pants and start to undo the button and pull down the zipper. I step back, removing my mouth from her nipples as she pushes my pants and boxers down my legs and to the floor. Now both completely naked, we move over to the armless stuffed chair and she pushes me back causing me to fall into it. She leans over me and starts kissing down my body starting at my neck, down my chest to my stomach where she lingers on my abs with her tongue. She stops when her chin comes into contact with my dick**,** resting against my stomach. She looks at me before grabbing it in her hand and beginning to stroke it lightly. I groan at the contact and settle down to let her continue.

Wasting no time, Kim flicks her tongue out and it grazes the swollen head of my cock**,** causing me to hiss in response. I can feel her smiling against my dick and it both annoys me and excites me at the same time. Pushing herself up onto her knees, she wraps her lips around my dick and eases it into her mouth. Inch by slow fucking inch. Eventually, I feel the tip hit the back of her throat and my hips involuntarily thrust at the contact. Catching her off guard, Kim gags a little bit. In my dazed state, I feel myself smirking at that shit. She moves her head up and down the shaft, using her hand to keep a hold on the base and does well to pay special attention to the tip as her head comes up. I look down at her and she's watching me, her brown eyes full of lust and hunger. I throw my head back so it hits the top of the chair and roll it forward again to watch as Kim sucks me off. Looking at her face, a pair of green eyes are staring back at me. _What the fuck_? _Weren't they just brown_?

I push her mouth off of my dick and she whines at the loss. I pull her up to her feet and she strokes my dick as I stand in front of her, her blonde hair grazing my skin as she moves to stand up. I turn her around and push her to the chair and she props up one foot on the edge of the chair while the other rests on the floor. I position myself behind her and thrust in hard and fast. Kim lets out a loud moan at the sensation while I moan in response. My hands grip her waist and I see the imprint of my fingers on her flesh that has blushed from the sexual heat. It makes me think of another blush I had the pleasure of seeing earlier tonight. _Fuck_.

Kim begins to moan underneath me, calling my name and I tell her to shut up. Immediately she stops talking and I have to wonder what the fuck that's about? I love to have a girl call my name when my dick is inside her. I love to hear that I am the one making them feel good. Tonight, I don't want to hear Kim's fucking whiney voice. When she started to scream my name, I swear I felt my dick shrink a little bit. Now that she's stopped talking, the sound of her moans and skin slapping are present and I can concentrate again.

My legs start to shake and Kim is shuddering beneath me, her breathing is less steady and I know she's just as close as I am. I start to thrust faster and she reaches down to her clit and I can feel her hand moving on each forward thrust that I make. Moments later she is letting out a guttural scream as her release takes her and I continue to fuck her**, **so close to my own release and just needing for this shit to end so I can prove that I can still fucking do this shit. I close my eyes and a flash of a creamy thigh under blue satin assaults my thoughts as my balls tighten and I grunt as I come in one long stream. _Fuck!_

I pull out of Kim and head towards the bathroom. I remove the condom and toss it in the trash. Heading back into the living room**,** I see that Kim is languidly splayed across my couch and possibly on the verge of sleep.

"It's time for you to go."

Kim jumps up and looks at me**, **her eyes wide. "Edward, I thought we could spend the night together for once," she says**,** sauntering over to me. I'm pretty fucking clear headed at this point so that shit's not going to work.

"Well, you thought wrong."

"But, you left with that girl and then you came back. I know you came back to get me." _Is she fucking serious_?

"I came back because I had a job to do. You happened to be there, so I figured I'd kill two birds with one fucking stone. So, like I said, you thought wrong."

I watch as she pulls away from me**,** staring at me in shock and disappointment. I know it's callous, but I don't fucking care. I stand against the wall, watching as she picks up her stuff and goes to leave. I call down to the front desk and ask them to call her a cab and make sure she gets in it.

Slamming the phone down, I go into my bathroom and turn on the shower**,** stepping in before the water had a chance to warm up. The cool water forces me to wake up just enough to wash my body before getting out. I silently hope the cool water will help cleanse my thoughts.

I leave the shower and throw on some boxers and flop down on my bed. I look at the clock. It's just 3:30. Emmett will be closing Eclipse soon. I roll over to my stomach and bury my face in my pillow**.** I roll my face to the side and the last thing I remember thinking about is the taste of vodka and strawberries.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Unless I specifically say he DID NOT use a condom, just assume he did. Sometimes, it just doesn't gel with the writing to add minute details like that.**

**Songs:**

_Matt & Kim- Daylight_

_CSS- Move  
_

_Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake, Missy Elliot & Dr. Dre- Bounce_

_Lil Wayne- Lollipop_

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**


	18. Ch 17: Confessions & Opportunities

**A/N:**

**Kisses to my darling Beta's Cclore and PhoenixMP3**

****

Disclaimer: I don't own it, it owns me, blame Edward.

* * *

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 17: Confessions and Opportunities**

**BPOV **

* * *

I listen as his car roars to life and peels down the road. The sound of stones crushing under the weight of the tires ringing loudly in the still night air. I turn to Alice and Jasper when the sounds are no longer audible and see them standing there hand in hand. Jasper brings Alice's hand to his mouth and places a small kiss on the back of it. Both of them are watching me intently.

"Um, I'm gonna go and take a shower. Wash the alcohol and sweat off my skin," I say, turning to walk up the stairs. I don't even wait for either one of them to respond.

I reach my bedroom and start to take off my costume. As I lift the bib over my head, part of it passes my nose as I inhale and I can smell him. I can smell his scent from where my body rested against his as he carried me to his car and from where I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him before he left. I take another deep breath, relishing in the marvelous scent that is Edward.

Reluctantly, I remove the rest of my costume and step into the bathroom. I turn the shower on to let the water warm up and brush my teeth while I wait. Looking in the mirror, I see my hair is matted to my forehead, some of my makeup has started to run and my cheeks are all flushed. I'm a mess. Shaking my head at the thought of my awful appearance, I rinse my mouth and hop into the shower. I'm tired, my body is exhausted and despite the small nap in his car, I am ready to pass out the moment I hit the pillow. My thoughts drift back to Edward. _I open my eyes to the sight of lush greenery passing by very quickly in the darkness,_ _trees rushing passed the window in the darkness like a massive green blur. Feeling slightly disoriented,_ _I take a moment to try and get my bearings._ _Taking a deep breath to try and stabilize my brain, I smell him before I even see him. His scent is mixed with the smell of soft leather and I take another breath dragging out the inhale. I shift in my seat and turn to face him and I'm alarmed at the sight. Edward's profile is glowing in the soft light of the digital display on his dashboard. The blue glow bounces off of every line from his pointy noise to his strong jaw._ _Pulling into the driveway, Edward hops out of the car and he's already at my door before I have it fully open. He offers me his hand to help me out and I have to admit that this threw me for a serious loop. Edward has never come across as a 'Heathcliff', but do guys really open doors and help ladies in and out of places anymore? I'm pretty sure I have only seen this in movies and read about it in classic novels. __Standing up, my legs wobble slightly underneath me and Edward grips onto my shoulders to stabilize me. The movement was so fast and so sudden, it's like he knew it would happen beforehand and was prepared. He cracked a mocking joke about me being okay to walk, but when I looked into his eyes I only saw concern accompanying that devilish grin. After insisting that I'm fine so he doesn't have to carry me, he lets me know he's already done that this evening._**the**_ car. The same car I saw in front of Eclipse when Alice and I went to see Steel Tease. The same car that has caused me to do a double take anytime I see a flash of silver on the road. The_ _smooth, sparkly, masculine, and elegantly rugged car. The car that clearly screams Edward. Of course he would be the driver of this car._What? Where did that come from? I barely recognize my own thoughts right now.

It only takes a moment for him to realize that I am awake at this point. When he turns to look at me his face changes from stressed to relieved, and then goes blank.

I ask him where we are going and he tells me he's taking me home. I furrow my brow at the admission because I wonder where Alice is. He lets me know that Alice is on her way, but it confuses me. Why would he leave his party to take me home if Alice was on her way? Couldn't Alice just take me home? They could have just placed me in her car. A silence falls over the car. I just don't know what to say and Edward seems a little tense. I can't blame him. He clearly doesn't want to be doing this.

When he asks me if I'm okay, it startles me at first since the only sound was the quiet hum of the engine. When he suggests that the alcohol may have been the cause of my 'episode', I smile at his playful and vulgar humor, but I know it wasn't the alcohol. I don't know how to explain it, but I don't want him to think I'm a drunken girl or anything so I just tell him it wasn't the alcohol. That's all I can think to say.

I see the porch light of our house just ahead and I have never been so excited to see that beacon. It saves me from trying to figure out what to say if he asks anymore questions.

When my heartbeat picks up at the mention of him carrying me, I turn to look at the car behind us. It's

I reach out to touch the car and I can sense him tense up beside me. I remember how Jake and Mike both are about their cars so I only brush the paint of the mirror slightly. It's too pretty not to touch at least once.

Dropping my hand, I start to walk for the porch and Edward follows closely. Stepping inside, I do what I always do. Turn on the lights. Edward stays by the door and I notice his eyes following me quizzically when I pass by.

I go into the kitchen and motion for him to follow me, offering him a drink when we get inside. I am hoping he's not going to ask for water because I need a drink right now and there is no way I am going to feel more awkward by gulping vodka while he sips water.

I set the makings of a Grey Goose and tonic with lime on the counter in front of him and we both stare at the pile of items for a moment before he breaks the silence.

"You don't know how to make it?"

"Of course I do, but I like the way you do it better."

_I watch him make the drinks and the familiar flex of his muscles is present. He's still in his costume, of course. He's removed the green top hat so his auburn, slightly flattened hair is swaying with his motions. I'm so caught up that I hardly notice that he is handing me a beverage. I take a sip and just roll it around on the counter. Again, silence. Except this time, the silence is laden with expectations and questions. I can feel it in the air.__**,**__" he says and I can feel his voice rumble in his chest. It's a soothing sound. A sound to lull your senses and make you comfortable._I turn the water off and head into my room to dress for bed. I decide to just leave my hair damp. I'm way too tired to blow dry it tonight and Alice has Jasper over so she won't be in the mood to do it for me.

"So you said it wasn't the alcohol before at Eclipse that caused you to pass out?" Except, he's not really asking. He's regurgitating what I told him in the car and the tone in his voice let's me know he expects me to elaborate.

Words just stumble from my mouth. Nonsense about looking for Alice and maybe the alcohol played a small role. Angela and a taxi. I think I mentioned the text message, but it just all came out so fast I can't remember. God, could I sound like anymore of a blubbering idiot? I really just want to scream it. I want to yell 'I'm scared. Mike hurt me so badly and I don't know how to face it. Please make it stop!' But I can't. I just can't.

When Edward responds, he sounds confused and angry. Snapping at me that I am not making sense and running his hands through his hair in frustration. I feel like crying until he changes his tone and speaks more softly. Just asking me to be clear with him. That he can't decipher what I am saying. The concern in his voice when he mentions he thought I was too drunk or took some kind of drug rattles me. In less than a moment I think it's because of the trouble Eclipse could be in if I had crumbled on the floor and been found by someone else. HVAC, the Police, etc. It could have been a red tape nightmare.

I'm frustrated. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to be clear.

"Try, Bella," he says so softly and it's like a plea. I look into his eyes and see nothing but softness. My inner struggle breaks and I'm about to tell him everything. For whatever reason that I simply cannot explain.

Then I hear Alice bust into the house, screaming my name. The moment is gone. Edward breaks our gaze as Jasper comes into the kitchen. They whisper something to each other and Alice is blabbering at my side, giving me a damn headache. I see the boys leave the kitchen.

Alice is still talking, but has her arms around me as we enter the hallway and Jasper and Edward stop talking. He starts to say goodbye and I practically lunge at him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I expect him to back away, but he doesn't. Breathing in his masculine scent mixed with alcohol and sweat, I mumble a thank you into his chest. His hand comes to rest in my hair and being wrapped around him in such a manner makes me dizzy. Or maybe, I really did have too much to drink.

"My pleasure, Bella

I release my hold on him and he leaves the house after a peck from Alice and a head nod to Jasper. I surprise myself at the knot in my stomach when Alice reaches on her toes to give him a kiss on the jaw.

I get into my bed, sighing at the softness when there is a knock on my door. I know it's Alice, I also know she's going to come in even if I don't want her too.

"Come in," I call out.

Alice enters the room with a very hesitant Jasper in tow. He stops at the door, but Alice continues towards the bed. I only have my bedside lamp on so it's hard to make out the details of their faces, but Jasper's eyes are clear. They're soft and questioning. As I shift my gaze to Alice, I am slightly alarmed. She's not as perky as usual. Alice is _always_ perky. Time of day nor amount of activity have any effect on her behavior. She sits on the edge of my bed and she is wearing a smile, but it's so plastered on her face. Before I can think about it too long, she starts to speak. "Bella, what happened tonight?"

"Nothing," I reply almost immediately, practically before Alice can even finish her question. I know it won't work.

"Don't give me that. I know something happened. I know it has to do with Mike."

My head snapped up. "How do you..."

"Edward told Jazz about some text message. You're going to tell me now Bella. No more secrets. You can do this." Alice's tone is firm, but I know I can refuse her if I want to. She won't push me.

_Where do I start? How do I begin? What do I say? Am I even ready to have this conversation?_ I reach over to my night table and grab my iPhone._ It will be easier to show her._ I look at it for a moment before handing it over to Alice.

"Read the texts," I tell her when I see her holding it like a hand grenade.

Alice taps the screen and after a few strokes reaches my text messages. There's a heavy silence in the room. The soft buzz of heat coming through the vents is eclipsed by an audible gasp from Alice.

"I should go," Jasper says from his post by the door. I look up at him and I can't read his expression, but I know I don't want him to go. I don't know why. I can't explain it, but I don't. I just feel like I can trust him and I have to go on that feeling. It's all I have at the moment.

"Please stay," I whisper into the air. I hope he can hear me, because I'm not sure I can speak any louder. Jasper nods his response and moves to sit in the chair across the room, by the window.

I grab a pillow from behind my back and place it on my lap, settling in to tell them everything. With what words? I still don't know. I know the problem with Mike stems farther back than what happened two months ago. I've had these two months to think about it and recognize the enormity of the situation, but I still blame myself for what happened. Silence has fallen over the room, but it's not alone. The painful drone of silence is accompanied by the agonizing feeling of anticipation. I can't help but to wonder whose anticipation is higher: mine, Alice, or Jasper's.

Who knows how long we are silent. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. I have no way of actually telling time. Alice is still holding my phone in her hand and I knocked the alarm clock on the floor Friday in my haste to turn it off. Alice woke me at an ungodly hour on Saturday so I hadn't needed it, and I forgot to pick it up. Who knows how long we sit in silence. But one thing is for sure, they are waiting me out and they will win.

Taking a deep sigh, I lean back against the headboard and lace my fingers around the pillow, bringing it t my chest.

"I thought we were happy. I thought that what we had, was where we were headed. I thought there would always be flowers, kisses, and presents. The flowers and the presents don't matter, but I wanted there to always be kisses. I really thought Mike was my present and my future." I look up at Alice and her face is set in a smile of encouragement, urging me to keep going. She doesn't prod, she just waits.

"If I am to be honest I guess it started months ago. I don't know. I mean, there was this shift sometime this summer and everything stopped. We would sit on the couch and not talk, but not in a comfortable silence. He'd flip the channels and I would read. We stopped going out. We stopped having actual conversations," I pause again looking to Alice for encouragement. I continue explaining how mundane my life had become. How the life drained out of our relationship. I realize that my hands are starting to shake and I take a few breaths to try and steady myself before I continue.

"The night we went on that double date, the last one with Demitri, um," I have to pause again, begging my voice to gain some control. "Well, you and Mike had that argument and we left almost right after you. He was angry the ride back to the apartment and I tried to be silent. I had never seen him so furious. We got home and I thought it was over. I figured he'd go to the other side of the apartment and he could calm down. But he met me in the kitchen and stalked towards me like an aggressive predator," I pause for another moment, but I want to end this torture of remembering, "We had sex that night, but it was rough. There was no tenderness in his touches, no heart in his motions. Just rough. It didn't hurt really, but it had never been like that before."

My mouth is starting to go dry.

"It wasn't the first fight we've had. I know there were times where I would push him. Push him to get a reaction. Push him so I know he feels something, anything. Push him to prove I felt something. Because most of the time we were cohabiting robots."

I wholeheartedly wish to stop here. Alice and Jasper wait some more. I can't even be sure they are breathing. Neither one has made one comment or movement since I started. I can see the moonlight reflecting on Jasper's face, showing his eyes as he blinks, letting me know _someone_ in this room is still alive.

I shift my gaze down to the lacy pattern on the edge of the pillow I am gripping so hard that if it were a person, they would suffocate. The image of the twisted pillow mirroring how my heart feels in my chest.

"The boredom and monotony continued. I wasn't myself. We went to _Eclipse_ to see _Steal Tease_ and I was so excited to be out. I was so excited to be able to have a good time. I did have a good time that night. It was as if things were starting to look better. I felt like Rapunzel being freed from the tower. When I got home that night, Mike was just acting so odd. Giving me strange glares and storming around the apartment. I made it a point to keep my distance from him as much as possible." At this point, I know there is no going back. I have set the wheels in motion. I left the cage door open and there is no way to wrangle the bird back in.

"The next night, Friday night, we had a fight about some dinner event. He told me he needed me to go and I told him I couldn't because of a deadline that I had to meet. He was shouting at me that I had to go. That he expected me to be there. That my deadline was irrelevant. I had never seen him so furious." I heard Jasper shift in his chair on my right and I took the moment to regain my focus. I can hear my heart thundering loudly in my chest. Any second now, I expect it to burst through my rib cage and land on the bed in front of me exposed and vulnerable.

"Before I even knew what was happening, he was kissing me. Crushing me to him. I couldn't move or pull away. The air was being squeezed and sucked out of me. My lungs started to burn and I moved my face to try and get some air before they burst. I guess Mike didn't approve because he hit me. His hand slammed across my face and knocked me to the ground, causing me to bite down on my cheek and bleed," I run my tongue across the familiar spot. The flesh is now completely healed, but I will always remember the exact place where teeth met flesh. "He had never hit me before. In that moment, I was so hurt and so confused and scared. I knew that it was my fault. I angered him. I should have told him I would go and make other arrangements to deal with the deadline. It was my fault I got hit."

I can feel the hair on my neck start to stand up as a chill runs through my body, straight down my spine causing me to shiver. Tears are starting to form, but if I cry now I won't finish.

Inhaling a shuddering breath, I continue, "He grabbed and lifted me up off the floor and I felt my entire body go numb. My limbs were limp, my voice gone, my mind a glimmer of a memory. He started to kiss me and bite at my skin, whispering in my ear how heavenly I am. How much he loves my taste or my scent, telling me I'm delicious. I wanted to throw up. I couldn't see where I was going. My hair had been thrown in my face and my arms were pinned down so I couldn't push it out of my face. I remember soaring through the air, feeling my skin burn from the release of the vice grip of Mike's hands, and then my back hitting the mattress."

Beads of sweat are forming on my forehead and my stomach is jerking, threatening to heave anything in it. I can feel the bile rising to reach the back of my throat. My entire body is starting to shake and I can no longer control it.

"He held me by the ankles with his hand while he removed his clothes. I don't know why I didn't try and run. I still had free use of my hands," I said, wondering the last portion aloud to myself. "Quickly, he was on top of me wrapping my wrists in his hand and shoving my legs open. He was pressed to me and any thoughts I had of running were lost. I was pinned to the mattress." I heard deeper breathing in the room and I know it isn't mine. Every breath I can manage to take is ragged and harsh. I'm starting to feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen. I look towards Jasper and he is still the picture of immobility. Even his blinking is less.

Horrible visions and memories start flooding my memory. It's like I pressed play on a DVD. It's like I am living it all over again. It's being played before my eyes in stereo! The words just spill out.

_"Tell me you want it, Bella. Tell me!" _I remember him shouting in my face,_ "Tell me!" _

_"Mike, please...please don't." _

_"Awww, Bella, I won't hurt you. I love you. Tell me you want me, Bella."_

_"I want you." _

_"You're so wet. Do you feel how ready you are for me? It feels so good, Bella." _

_I heard Mike yell out as his release came. My entire body shook under the weight of his while he trembled in satisfaction. _

_"I love you, Bella."_

In this moment, I want to head falls into my hands as sobs rip through me. I feel arms wrap around me. Alice has moved closer to be next to me and I didn't notice until now.**  
**_  
It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault..._**  
**  
"Shhh, Bella. None of this is your fault," Alice says, trying to soothe me. I didn't realize I was speaking out loud. She's wrong.

"Yes it is! Everything is my fault. My parents deaths, what happened with Mike, what happened with you and Jasper, the reason you were so unhappy when I first got here. Everything is my fault." More tears pour down my cheeks as bigger sobs wrench out of my chest.

"Bella, please. You know what happened to your parents is not your fault," Alice began and I can hear the waver in her voice as she tries to fight back her tears. Yet again, something I have done wrong. "There's always been something off about Mike. You could not have known that would happen."

"Yeah, but you always knew. You always tried to warn me and I didn't listen. Add it to the damn list of faults," I strangle out.

"Yes, I knew Mike was off, but I never in a million years thought he would rape you, Bella."

"What? Uh, he didn't rape me. I told him I wanted him. I let him do it," I said with my eyes shut as hard as possible, willing the memory to not overtake me again.

"Oh God, Bella. Do you really think that? Do you really think that you wanted him to do that to you? Do you think you really deserved to be treated that way?" Alice's grip around my shoulders tighten and I nod my head.

"I told him I wanted him. My body reacted to him touching me."

"No, Bella. You told him what he wanted to hear, trying to lessen the potential damage by not refusing him. You had already pleaded with him not to, but he wasn't stopping. You said it yourself 'Mike, please don't.' The physical reaction of getting wet is completely uncontrollable, sweetie. It can happen in pleasurable and fearful situations." Alice is full on crying at this point and her tears are mingling with mine on the pillow. I contemplate what she says. Could she be right? I'm still not sure.

"As for Jasper and my unhappiness, I was only unhappy because I was worried about you. Not for any other reason. Jasper and I are meant to be, I know we would be fine. But I was concerned about you. The lack of eating and the horrific nightmares that you would scream through but never wake from. The zombie-like state you were in. Many nights, I would come in here and sit in that chair or lay next to you just to be here when the screaming started. Some nights, it was the familiar screaming. The one that goes with the dream about your parents. However, most nights there was unfamiliar screaming. Screaming I don't know anything about. Now I understand. I simply don't understand what you mean when you say what happened with Jasper."

"What do you mean? You sent him away because of me. He was here, that day in the hallway. The day after and then he was gone. And I heard you on the phone that day telling him you miss him and that I was better, but you weren't sure how much longer before I would be able to be around people. And I remember the smile on your face when I said I wanted to cook dinner for Jasper. It's my fault he was sent away. Don't you get it?"

The damn traitor tears fell from my eyes again and I bury my head in my pillow. I can't speak anymore. I just want to die.

"Bella," I hear Jasper's voice and my head snaps up. He has been so quiet that I practically forgot he was here. "I'm sorry,"

"What? I don't understand. Why are you sorry?"

"Please, let me finish. I'm sorry I scared you. You didn't send me away, neither did Alice. I chose to stay away. I saw you when you showed up that night. I saw the bruises on your neck and the hand mark on your face. I saw the fear and defeat in your eyes before you passed out. I held your limp body in my arms as Alice willed you to wake up. The next day, I was drawn to your cries and screams as Alice tried to console you. I saw the sheer terror in your eyes when you looked at me and the scream that followed was enough to make my heart stop. I knew I had to keep my distance. I knew you had been through enough, but at the time I wasn't sure what enough was." Jasper stops talking and Alice's tears have slowed, but mine are still flowing freely.

I assumed it was Jasper who carried me in the house that night. I still don't understand why he's apologizing to me. And now I am even more confused as to why he would care about my bruises and screams.

"But, the way you were looking at me that day. You...it...I...it looked like you wanted to kill me. So mad," I manage to stutter out and realize it makes very little sense.

Jasper stands up quickly and I pull back to Alice a little out of fear. He turns to face the window and stares with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Bella, I was not mad at you. I did not want to murder you. I would never even think of hurting you in any way. I thought I did a better job of hiding it, but I was wrong."

"Hiding what, Jazz?" Alice interjects

"My dad used to beat my mom. Almost every night for most of my childhood. Hell, he still might do it to this day." Alice drags in a shuddered breath and covers her mouth with her hand. I just stare, tears still falling. "When I saw you that night with the bruises I was angry, but that pales in comparison to how I felt when I saw you awake and writhing from fear. I wanted to kill Mike Newton. If he had been home that morning when we got your stuff, I just may have done that. What you saw in my face was a reflection of my thoughts to hurt him worse than he hurt you. Only a coward hits a woman, Bella." He says that last part and turns to look at me. His fists are clenched tightly at his sides.

I start to sob, again. Alice pulls me in tighter, but I also feel the bed shift on my right, signaling that Jasper has climbed on. He sits down on the bed and I am now sandwiched between Alice and Jasper. The warmth from their bodies counteracts the strong chill running through my system. Even though I am sweating, I am cold on the inside. I just can't handle much more.

"Bella, why did you wait so long to tell me? And why tonight?"

"Talking about it gives it life. I want to forget. Or I want to die. I can't live it. I didn't want you to think less of me for wanting him. I wasn't going to ever tell you or anyone. But Edward asked me to try and something clicked," I get out through shallow breaths and deep sobs.

Alice and Jasper both tighten their hold on me. "I will never think less of you, Bella," Alice says, placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"You didn't want it. He used your fear against you. Please try and see that none of this is your fault," Jasper says just above a whisper.

I don't want to cry, but I can't stop. I don't know what to feel anymore. I just feel raw and open. I roll my head into Jasper's shoulder and just let my tears fall as he rubs my back and Alice strokes my hair. Thoughts of my parents run through my head. The small gestures Charlie used to make, like a pat on the back or a light and playful punch to the cheek that spoke volumes. How Renee would twirl my hair in her fingers as I sat in her lap and read from the Dr Seuss book in my lap. Thoughts of my parents are the last thing I remember as I close my eyes from the exhaustion.**  
**  
_"You can't run, Bella. I will find you. You belong to me. We have to finish what we started. It's time to come home, Bella." Mike's voice haunts me as I run down the hall, crashing into door after door. None of them will open._

"Please, just let me go," I cry out.

"Never!" his voice crackles through the air.

I run through the hallway reaching the last few doors. Tears are streaming down my face. My body aches from the running. My lungs burn.

"You're all that is left," I hear calling out, but who is that?

I push on the final door and it rushes open, banging the wall behind it. A familiar scene lays before me. My parents' tangled bodies lay on the floor. But this time, they are not alone.

_There's blood everywhere. Mine and theirs._

I wake up screaming and Alice is right there, rubbing my arms, trying to ground me.

"Where's Jasper?"

"He needed to clear his head. He went outside for some fresh air."

I close my eyes. I'm exhausted. I can feel every inch of my body crying for rest.

**~F&FS~  
**

"_I'll show you what shoes to wear! How to fix your hair! Everything that really counts to be popular!_"

I groan as I roll over to grab my phone from the night table. Alice insisted I make this ring-tone for her the moment I came home with the iPhone. We sat down in front of my Mac for thirty minutes, picking the exact portion of the song she wanted._ "It's my theme song, Bella. I want you to hear it every time I call. You'll know it's me,"_ she said that day.

"Yeah?"

_"How are you today, Bella?"_ Alice asks on the other end, a lot less perky than usual. _Odd_. I lay there for a moment, running my hands over my face. _How am I? _Memories from the other night start to waken in my mind and I pull the covers over my head. I don't want to go there again. _"Bella?"_

"I'm here, Alice. I'm fine. I mean, I'm tired. I'm..." I drop off with a sigh.

"_It's okay, Bella. Do you want to talk some more?"_

"No. I can't talk about this anymore. Not today. I have to get ready for my meeting tomorrow."

_"Right, I left you something in your closet and before you start screaming at me, I don't want to hear it."_

"Fine."

_"Also, if you're up to it, I have a favor to ask."_ Oh, God. Every time she has a favor I get scared.

"Okay, what is it?"

_"Jazz asked me to tailor this suit for him and he left it at the house. He needs it and I won't be back to give it to him. Can you take it to Eclipse today? If you're not up for it, I can just tell him to drive out and get it."_

"No, I don't mind. I was going to head out to my Starbucks anyway. I can make a stop by."

_"I guess that means it's time to get out of bed, sleepyhead,"_ Alice says with a chuckle.

"Not everyone is as naturally perky as you, Alice. They should bottle you and sell you and no one would need caffeine."

_"They can't afford me, Bella."_

We talk for a few more minutes before I hang up so I can force myself out of bed. I toss the blankets from over my face and groan when my eyes meet the sun shining in my window. _Damn that Alice for opening my curtains. _I run my hands over my face and I realize that it's Monday. I slept the entire day away yesterday. Why didn't Alice wake me up? Slugging out of bed and into the bathroom, I hop in the shower quickly letting the smells of lavender and strawberries sweep my senses. My mind is hollow, blank, and unfocused.

I get dressed and head to Alice's room to retrieve the garment bag with Jasper's suit. I go downstairs and set the bag on the hook by the front door and step into the kitchen to grab an apple before heading out to Seattle. Walking by the sink, I see the two glasses that Edward and I drank from resting in the dish rack. Alice must have washed them because I would have just put them in the dishwasher, but Alice would be finicky about crystal in the dishwasher and hand wash them. I smile lightly at the glasses and the image of Edward making us drinks, his green eyes watching me. I close my eyes as these thoughts threaten to open up other memories from that night.

Heading out to the hallway with water bottle and apple in hand, I double check my bag to make sure I have everything I need, pulling my coat from the closet and grabbing Jasper's suit as I walk out the door.  
The chilly November air catches in my throat as I walk to my car, juggling the items in my arms. It somehow had not occurred to me that it was November, otherwise I would have started my car before I came outside. I set the garment bag and my stuff in the car and climb into the driver's seat, turning it on. I sit there for a moment letting the defroster do its job on the windshield.

There is very little traffic from Forks to Seattle at eleven in the morning. So the drive to Seattle is quick and painless. Parking at Starbucks, I grab my bag and head inside. I'm excited when I see that the booth in the back corner that I like is open. I quickly walk over and drop my bag down and lay my coat on the table.

Walking up to the cashier, I see the same girl from the last time I was here and bumped into Edward.

"Welcome to Starbucks, how can I serve you today?" she asks in a robotic tone. She hasn't even looked up from her nails to see who she is talking to. I take notice of her name tag this time. _Kim._

"Um, I'll have a Venti, triple, Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte please."

She snaps her head up and eyes me suspiciously. Her eyes narrow as they assess me from head to toe. "What?" she asks with a bite in her tone.

"I said a Venti, triple, Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Please."

Kim turns to type my order on the touch screen. "So, how do you know Edward?" she asks me as I turn to walk towards the Barista bar to get my beverage.

"He's a friend."

"Hmph," she sounds back. I just roll my eyes. This is silly.

I get my drink from the Barista and head back to where my stuff is. I feel eyes watching me and I turn to see that Kim is staring at me with a firm, unwavering gaze. I set my drink down on the table and part of it spills through the sip hole and gets on the table. I walk over to the condiment counter to grab some napkins and Kim is there straightening things up. I try and grab napkins and walk away, but she starts to talk.

"You know, Edward is a great dancer. The other night at Eclipse we danced together. It was hot. I could tell how much he wanted me. If you catch what I mean."

"I wouldn't know."

"Oh? Edward's never danced with you?"

This is beyond ridiculous.

"No, but he has kissed me," I say with a satisfied smile. The mention of the kiss brings a smile to my lips. The look of shock on Kim's face makes me want to laugh.

"Oh, well I'm sleeping with him. On Saturday night in fact, he left after some overly dramatic and clumsy girl passed out. Then he came back and we danced some more. It wasn't too long before Edward and I ended up back at his place."

I swallowed hard as she spoke. Trying not to show offense at the mention of the 'overly dramatic and clumsy girl' that I know is me. I know I didn't want to hear anything else she had to say, but I couldn't walk away.

"We couldn't keep our hands off each other the whole way to his place. And he fucked me so good too. Mmmmm," she concludes with a lick of her lips.

I feel sick to my stomach. I push passed her and go back to my table. I sit down and throw my elbows on the table and throw my head into my hands. _Why do I care? Why does it matter who Edward sleeps with? Why do I hate this girl?_ I pull out my Mac and stare at the screen as it turns on. I open Firefox and login to the wi-fi network. The "five" document is staring at me. I find myself thinking of Edward again. I open my mail and start to scan the messages, trying to think of anything else. I pick up my beverage to take a sip and as I look up I see Kim staring at me again from the table she is cleaning.

"Edward and I spent all day in bed yesterday. It was so beautiful and when we finally fell asleep, I was so tired, I almost didn't make it to work this morning."

I stare after her as she walks away. The images of Edward laying in bed with Kim all day, his bronze hair tossed in that perfect just sexed way and her long legs wrapped around him makes me sick so I throw my stuff in my bag and head out to my car. I consider going home, but I see the garment back with Jasper's suit in the backseat.

Frustrated, I drive the few blocks to _Eclipse_ and park. I look around and see Edward's Audi and Jasper's Range Rover and a third car. The label says Hummer. Deductive reasoning tells me that it must be Emmett's. My gaze falls back onto Edward's Audi. There is very little sun today, but the small amount of sun present is shining down on the silver paint causing it to gleam and sparkle. My head leans back and I remember how smooth the leather seats felt and how his scent swirled around me. A horn honks on the street breaking me from my thoughts.

I hop out of the car and grab the garment bag, walking towards the building. Alice told me to go to the side door because that is the door the guys use during the early part of the day. I don't see a bell or a button to push to alert anyone that I am here. There is a small window near the very top of the door, but I am too short to reach it and look inside.

I grab the handle and turn it gingerly. I'm surprised that it twists easily in my hand and give it a pull to open the door.

"Hello?" I call out as I enter the darkened room. There is a slight hum of electricity in the air. I can also hear footsteps overhead and a light banging somewhere in the distance.

"Hello? Jazz?" I call again, making my way into the room further. The door closes behind me and daylight is sealed off. I blink a few times so my eyes can adjust to the dim light and I see that I'm by the bar where Edward served me a drink on Halloween. I hear some more footsteps, followed by voice murmurs overhead. I'm about to settle down on a bar stool when I hear footsteps approaching.

The hair on the back of my neck starts to rise and my pulse quickens slightly. The footsteps are coming from the direction of where I know the kitchen to be. It could be anyone. I hear the footsteps approaching more closely and I brace myself for the interaction.

I'm unreasonably surprised when I see Edward round the corner. I let out a small gasp and his head jolts up, his face turning in my direction. He squints his eyes to see in the dim light and starts to move closer.

"Jesus, Bella. You shouldn't fucking sneak up on people. You've done that to me twice now. Shit!" he says with mild irritation. I can't say that I blame him. I knew he was here. My reaction was completely irrational, but it still annoys me that he's using that tone with me.

"Well, if you three had the sense to put a bell by the door or some kind of intercom, I wouldn't have to sit here hoping one of you made an appearance." He just looks at me for a minute, an amused smile graces his lips and he takes a few more steps in my direction. He's about two bar stools away now. I can make out his expression more clearly.

"You could have just gone upstairs, Bella. You didn't have to sit here in the fucking dark."

"Oh, well. I mean...I just didn't know." All coherent thoughts evaporate. I exhale a frustrated breath and Edward just chuckles.

"So, what's up? What the hell are you holding?" he asks, eyeing the package in my arms. I realize I completely forgot why I am here and the fact that I am holding this heavy garment bag.

"Oh. This is a suit Jasper had Alice tailor and he forgot it at my house so Alice asked me to bring it since I was coming out this way."

Edward takes it from me and lays it over the one bar stool that is now between us.

"Are you taking your lunch hour or something?"

I just stare at him. Does he not see how I am dressed? I can't go to work in jeans on a Monday. If I had put any thought into what I would be doing today, I would have put more effort into my appearance. For some reason, the idea of bumping into Edward today escaped me. _And why do you care about what you look like in front of Edward?_

"Um, I didn't work today," I say and Edward quirks an eyebrow. "I have an author meeting tomorrow and it's my first one since returning to work. So I took today to get prepared," I quickly stumble out.

"Well, have you eaten?"

"I had coffee and an apple."

Edward chuckles, "As much as I fucking love coffee, Bella, that is not food. Come on, I was just about to make something to eat. You can join me."

I sit there for a second and stare at him. What? "You cook?"

"Don't act so surprised, Bella. I'll just run upstairs and drop the suit in Jazz's office."

Edward walks off quickly and sprints upstairs, leaving me to my thoughts about him cooking. I bet we're going to have grilled cheese or something. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Grilled cheese was one of my favorite things to eat as a child and I have a fantastic recipe for an Heirloom Grilled Cheese Sandwich. But Edward's a guy and for a guy, a grilled cheese is standard food.

Moments later Edward reappears and tells me to follow him into the kitchen. He's a few feet in front of me and every step I take leads me into the scent left in his wake. Like walking through a greenhouse, the scent is concentrated and unavoidable. Not that I want to avoid it. I am close to the point of not being able to focus on anything else. I desperately search my mind for something to say.

"_Eclipse_ isn't open on Monday?" I ask as we enter the kitchen. Jasper brought Alice and I in this direction on our tour, but we never came inside. I am impressed with what I see. It's industrial, but very clean. The far wall is lined with glass door refrigerators set deeply into the wall. The lighting is bright and leaves no corner darkened. The counter tops of glazed stone are shining as if they have never been touched. It's just fantastic.

"Well usually, yes. However, we had some housekeeping and maintenance things today," Edward answers and turns to the the wall containing the glass doors.

"Like what?" And I regret asking the moment the words come out of my mouth. It's none of my business really.

"We had a new range delivered today," he says, motioning to the area where the stove is. A brand new OEM AR8B-24RG side-by-side range is staring at me. "And there was a little mishap the other night under Emmett's watch with the floor in the lounge that needed to be taken care of. _Fucking Emmett_." I heard him mutter the last part under his breath.

When Edward mentions the other night, it reminds me of my 'conversation' with that girl Kim this morning.

"I ran into your girlfriend today." For whatever reason, Edward's entire body tenses up and he stops moving. The door to the glass fridge shutting is the only sound in the room. He turns to look at me.

"What the fuck?"

I swallow hard. I'm not sure I want to continue. Is he mad that I talked to his girlfriend? Mad that I know he has one? I mean, it was a simple statement and his reaction is not one I would expect when your significant other was mentioned. He glares at me, waiting for me to continue.

"At Starbucks. Kim. I saw her today."

"And you think she's _my_ girlfriend? What the fuck gave you that idea?" Edward scoffs. I'm feeling mildly defensive. To be honest, I want to throw something at him.

"Let's start at the top. She possessively claims you as hers in Starbucks that Sunday. Then today, she is basically giving me full details about you taking her home on Saturday, basically unable to keep your hands to yourself. And then you spent your entire Sunday in bed, that she was almost too tired to make it to work on time today," I manage to push out, not realizing I had failed to take a breath.

Edward's eyes widen in shock and his jaw drops before he almost doubles over in a fit of laughter. I do not understand what is so funny. He can't even stop himself. He's laughing so hard his cheeks are red and he can't speak. I hop down from the stool that I am sitting in around the island and I am about to leave. His laughter is pissing me off. I don't know why it's making me mad, but I am a big ball of emotions right now and anything is fair game. I guess I would rather be mad than crying like a stupid child.

I just reach the door to the kitchen when Edward grabs my elbow, stopping me in my tracks. My arm starts to tingle slightly as his bare hand touches my covered arm. Turning to face him, I see his eyes are sparkling with tears of laughter.

"I didn't mean to laugh like that. I couldn't help it. That has to be the funniest fucking thing I have heard in a long time."

I feel my annoyance at his behavior lessen as we walk back into the middle of the kitchen.

"You shouldn't laugh about your girlfriend, Edward."

"She's _not _my girlfriend, Bella," he says still laughing and turns to look at me.

"So...she was lying?" I ask with a confused tone.

"Yes and no."

"It's either yes or no, Edward. You can't have both. You don't even have to tell me."

Edward lets out a loud sigh. "I can have it both ways, Bella. That is just the way it is. Kim is not my girlfriend. I don't know anything about this possessive bullshit claim she made. I did take her home with me on Saturday, but it was her who couldn't keep her hands off of me. She did not stay the night and we definitely did not fucking stay in bed all day Sunday. I was here."

"Oh. So what is she then?" I know I don't want to know, but I have to ask. _Masochist_.

"She's a girl I was sleeping with."

"Was?"

"Yes, _was_. As in not anymore." He says it with such finality, I don't dare bring up anything else on the subject. Besides, it has no bearing for me. _Right_?

Edward moves to the counter and has some ingredients out in front of him as well as a cutting board. He grabs a knife from the slate on the wall and begins to chop.

"So what's for lunch, Chef?" I ask him playfully, trying to lighten the mood.

"Pesto gnocchi."

_That's no grilled cheese. Far from it. _

Edward puts the gnocchi in a pot of boiling water and walks out of the kitchen through a door past the wall of glass doors. He returns a moment later with a bottle of wine in hand. He holds the bottle out towards me and quirks an eyebrow. I just nod my head. He pulls two wine glasses from a cabinet and pops the cork, pouring the golden liquid into the glasses. He passes one to me and turns back to the counter, setting his next to the cutting board. He then walks to one of the glass doors and pulls out a glass jar full of something green. As he moves closer, I realize it's the pesto sauce.

"Is that gnocchi homemade?"

"Yeah. I made this shit yesterday when I was home. _Alone_."

I took another sip of my wine. Thinking about Edward making gnocchi is causing my cheeks to get hot. On a good day, Mike couldn't make Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I have to wonder how he knows how to make it. If the gnocchi is homemade, I bet the pesto is too.

"Do you cook a lot?" I ask, wondering if this is a random fluke.

"Every now and then. Not like I fucking used to. But I'm pretty busy and I don't have the time."

He takes the gnocchi off of the burner, drains it and sets it aside. I watch his arms carrying the heavy pot of water. His sleeves are rolled up just beyond his elbows and the muscles in his forearms bend and flex with each movement.

"So, I kind of have an idea but I only know what Alice has told me..."

"About what?"

"About you, Emmett, and Jasper. Like, how do you all know each other? How did that start?" As far back as I can remember, they have just always been as they are now. I realize, I don't know how they came to be this way.

Edward is standing at the stove stirring the pesto and turns to look at me, letting the sauce simmer on the stove. The green and nutty smell of basil pesto starts to fill the air.

"In a nutshell, Jasper and I met in kindergarten when he moved here. I was assigned as his guide or what the fuck ever it was. Then the little shit used to come over all the time and we've been like that ever since. Emmett's story is funny and I bet he'd like to tell you himself some day. He's a reckless fucker and wrapped his fucking Camaro around a wall on my parent's property in the middle of a fucking ridiculous snow storm my Sophomore year. My dad mended him and my mom nursed him back to health. He was stuck with us for like a week or some shit."

"So you're like 'The Three Musketeers' then?" Edward just chuckles and turns back to the pesto.

We settle into casual conversation as Edward finishes preparing lunch. I find out that the week Emmett spent at his house was also the same time Emmett met Rosalie.

"So why _Eclipse_?"

"Why _Eclipse,_ the name? Or why _Eclipse,_ as in why did we do this?" He asks, making a sweeping gesture.

"Both, I guess."

Edward moves to the cabinet and takes down two dishes and starts plating lunch. I am almost salivating at the sight..._er_..smell.

"Emmett graduated from USC and basically ran all around the world wreaking havoc and shit. A year later, Jasper graduated from UT Austin and I graduated from Stanford and we both came home. Neither one of us knew what we wanted to do, so we picked up with Emmett and did the whole fucking globe trotting thing." Edward places a plate in front of me and passes me a silverware setting before he continues, "It got fucking boring. We were sitting in Bitterzoet in Amsterdam and the idea kind of hit us all at the same time, but for different reasons I guess."

"What's Bitterzoet?" I ask, taking advantage of the pause. I grab my fork and spear some gnocchi, placing it into my mouth. I sigh as the creamy taste of the pesto meshes with the soft taste of the gnocchi. _Heavenly_. I look over at Edward and he's watching me. His wine glass half raised to his mouth. I smile sheepishly and look down at my plate.

"Uh, Bitterzoet is a nightclub in Amsterdam. It's pretty damn popular."

"So is _Eclipse_ designed after Bitterzoet?" I'm not sure if it's the wine or Edward, but the conversation is just flowing so naturally. It's nice.

"Fuck no! Bitterzoet is nice for Amsterdam, but that shit would never fucking fly in The States. We flew home a few days later and put the plan in motion."

"So the name then?"

"Oh, shit. Right. There was a family vacation in Honfleur, a town in Normandy, in August ten years ago. Emmett, Jasper and I were out by the pool when this total eclipse hit..."

"You saw the European total eclipse of 1999?" I blurted out, cutting him off.

"Yeah. Um. It was pretty fucking significant to see something like that and then deciding to open a place like this suddenly and simultaneously while in Europe again, Eclipse was just a perfect fucking fit."

We eat in silence for a little while longer. I don't mind since it allows me to savor every morsel of the fabulous gnocchi I put in my mouth, but it also affords me the chance to watch Edward eat again. Every time his fork comes to his mouth, his tongue reaches out just ever so slightly and then recoils back into his mouth. As he chews, the muscles flex in his jaw and contract down his neck up to his throbbing temple. When he swallows, his Adam's apple bobs in his throat and it's hypnotic, like a pendulum swinging in a grandfather clock. And finally, when he's done swallowing, his tongue reappears licking across his lips from right to left in a slick motion.

"Fucking enough about me. What the fuck was up with the text from the other night?"

I feel like someone just dumped a bucket of ice over my head. It's suddenly cold in here. A hard silence falls between us.

"Edward, I...I..."

"It's fine, Bella. I won't fucking push it. When you're ready to talk, find me." Edward smiles at me and I no longer feel cold or frightened. His smile is genuine and it makes me smile back. "Are you done?" he asks, motioning to my plate. I look down and I didn't even realize that I had finished eating. I nod my head and Edward takes the plates leading them to the dish area and sets them down.

I want to tell him, but I just unloaded onto Alice and Jasper and it's taking everything I have to keep that at the back of my mind. I want to tell him because he was the first person to ever cause me to want to talk about it. But I just can't. Not today. I can't afford another day of sleeping avoidance. I feel like there is a wedge between us now. Conversation was going great and then I had to freak out. I don't want him to think badly of asking me. Then it will be awkward. I hate awkward.

"So, um. Maybe we can hang out some time. You know, have fun?"

Edward starts to walk back in my direction. More like a stroll and he has a sly grin on his face. If it wasn't so good to look at, I'd probably be very nervous.

"And what are we going to do to have fun, Bella?"_ Is it the wine? Or does my name really sound that good coming from his lips?_

I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks and Edward starts laughing. "Sure, we can hang out." He pulls out his iPhone and grabs mine that is sitting on the counter and exchanges our information before handing my phone back to me.

"I guess I need to get going. I have to get ready for that meeting tomorrow."

Edward and I head from the kitchen and back through Eclipse. I pause at the door to say bye, but he holds it open for me as I pass through and then follows me to my car.

"This is your car?" He asks and I can't tell if it's a good question or not.

"Yeah. It's not much, but I bought her. I love her."

"Shit, this car has a lot of fucking power, Bella." He approves, I think. I am starting to understand Edward speak.

"Really? I had no idea. I was ready to buy a car and my friend Jake helped me pick it out and I don't know, we just fit," I say looking at him. His eyes narrow for a second and then go back to normal. I walk over to the driver's side and he holds the door open for me while I climb in. I roll the window down as he shuts the door.

"She purrs too. Shit! And black on black."

"Thanks and thanks for lunch, too. That was delicious."

"My pleasure, Bella. Eating is fun. We can do that while we hang out sometime," he says with a smirk.

I think my jaw drops and almost hits my lap as Edward lets out a chuckle. He stands away from the window and I roll it up with a wave. I am speechless. I drive out of the parking lot of Eclipse and I can see him in my rear view mirror. His arms are crossed over his chest, hair blowing in the wind and he is wearing a sexy grin. Even from a distance, I can feel his penetrating gaze.

**~F&FS~  
**

I get back to the house just as it starts to rain and dash in the house before I get drenched by the downpour. The sun hasn't been shining that much today, but the sudden downpour makes the sky go almost completely black. Once inside, I go through my crazy routine of turning on all of the lights after I set my stuff down. I give Angela a call to see if anything happened at work today. Apparently, one of the executive secretaries was fired for getting caught giving 'undisclosed sexual favors' to one of the sales executives under his desk. Angela and I have a good laugh about that. There is definitely a lot of sexual tension running around Dwyer Publishing.

I call Alice next and get her voicemail. I leave her a message to let her know that the Starbucks time did not go so well and that I'm back at home, but I didn't go into detail as to why. Admittedly, the fact that Edward sleeps or slept with that girl is repulsive and I just don't want to think about it. It's his life; he doesn't owe me any explanations anyway.

I head to my room, change out of my clothes and into some comfies to settle in for the night. It's still early so I figure I can get a few hours of prep time in. I already know I am going to call it an early night to be refreshed for tomorrow. I head to the kitchen and grab a container of green, seedless grapes and a bottle of water and go back up to my room after checking all of the locks on the windows and doors. I probably should work in the room Alice set up for me, but I always lose track of time in there. I set the container of grapes and the water bottle on my nightstand, then grab my backpack and pull out the items I need to prep for tomorrow. Plugging my iPhone in to charge, I settle on my bed and get to work.

It's been close to two hours and I am reviewing my notes on a feta and cauliflower frittata. I recall making this frittata and I think it's disgusting. I'm stressed out about trying to find a nice way to convey this to the author. The important thing is to find as many positives about it as possible.  
**  
"**_**I'll show you what shoes to wear! How to fix your hair! Everything that really counts to be popular!**_**" **

"Hey."

_"Hey, Bella. I got your message. No go on Starbucks huh? What happened?"_

"It was too noisy. That made it hard to focus on what I needed to get done." It's not a total lie. Kim talks too much and her presence makes it hard to focus.  
_  
"Okay, well listen. Thanks for getting that suit to Jasper. The rest of your day went okay?"_

"Uh, yeah. Are you coming home tonight?"

_"I'm going to try. These people are crazy. If it doesn't end too late, I'll drive back. Will you be okay?"_

"Yeah. I was going to pop a couple of Ambien anyway to make sure I get a full night's sleep. I'm nervous about tomorrow."  
_  
"Okay. I know you'll be fine; you've done this a million times already. I'll see you in the morning for sure. Don't forget I left something in your closet._"

"Yeah, okay bye." I say, rolling my eyes. I completely forgot about whatever is in my closet.

After I get off the phone with Alice, I pull the trusty bottle of Ambien from my nightstand. A long standing prescription from the days following my parents death. They have long since taken me off of the anti-anxiety meds, but Ambien has been a staple in my life. Over the years, I've learned to cope during the day, but when I'm asleep I lose all control. Usually, I can take it and stay up for a couple more hours, but my body has its own agenda tonight. It's only been thirty minutes and my eyes refuse to stay open. I close my Mac and set it on the floor along with the cookbook: **Unexpected Combinations** and settle into the blankets, clutching my congratulations card from the guys. The card has become almost as much of a standard for my sleep as Ambien or Alice's Designer Lullaby. Sleep hits me all too easily.

_"And what are we going to do to have fun, Bella?"_

_"Whatever you want."_

"I want to have fun with you. Would you like that, Bella?"

"Mmm hmm. Please, kiss me."

His lips press to mine and I can taste him as he gives me what I ask for. Moaning into his mouth, he runs his hands up my back and rests one by my waist while the other finds rest at the base of my neck. Licking and kissing down to my chest until he finds my nipples, which are begging for attention. I arch my back towards him in an expression of need.

"Please."

He rips my shirt open, exposing my bare chest and hungrily takes my right nipple into his mouth and fondles the other so it doesn't feel left out. I sigh contentedly at the contact and run my fingers up his strong arms and into his hair. Tugging his head closer to my chest, I urge him on.

"Eager are we, Bella?"

"God, I love the way my name sounds when you say it."

He continues his attention to my hardened nipples and takes his free hand and snakes it down my waist, causing me to giggle a little. He pauses his movements for a moment, but only just a moment before his hand continues its southward travels, only stopping at the apex between my legs.

"I can feel how hot you are. Are you ready for me, Bella?"

"Yes," I squeak out.

His long fingers find their way into my slick folds and I feel my body shudder at the contact. I gasp as his fingers find their way to my swollen clit; the electric sensation is so intense, I think I'm going to come instantly.

"You like that, Bella?"

If he keeps talking to me like that and touching me like this, I am going to come undone.

He uses his hand to push my legs apart further and the electric sensation is even more intense when he finds his way back to my clit. Still massaging my clit with his thumb, he inserts two fingers into my pussy where I need him the most. His mouth is now on mine and my breathing is erratic, causing our kisses to be a heightened frenzy. He slows down the pace and it almost drives me insane. I push my hips down into his hand, begging him with my body not to stop.

"Be patient, Bella," he says and leans down to kiss me, turning his head to deepen the kiss. My tongue seeks out his and they dance a tangled web around each other. My breathing picks up again as the pace of his fingers increase. My hips start to move of their own accord, matching the rhythm of his fingers and I doubt I can take much more of this.

"It's okay, Bella. Just feel it."

I feel my stomach start to tighten and my legs start to shake. I don't want him to stop, but I don't think I can last any longer. It feels so good.

"Uhhhh...Ahhhh...Unnnggg...Edward!"

My eyes jerk open as I try to calm down my breathing. My own cries wake me from my sleep. I shift and realize my hand is between my legs and it's coated in my own juices. _A sex dream_? Alice has mentioned them before, but I never thought it could actually happen. I think I just got myself off in my sleep, to a dream about Edward getting me off._ I am officially crazy_.

I roll over and look at the clock. I've been asleep for four hours. I'm not sure what has me more delirious; the fact that my system is still loaded with Ambien or I just had the best orgasm of my life from a construct of my imagination.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Alice's ringtone is 'Popular' from Wicked The Musical. This can be found on the F&FS playlist on the blog.**

**And thanks to Jo (FL95) for pimping me out.**

**Thanks to everyone one of you for reading!**

**xx**


	19. Ch 18: Famiglia

&FS

**A/N:**

**I love my Darling Beta's Cclore and PhoenixMP3. Thank you for holding my hand, stroking my ego, perfecting my Italian and catching those bitchass commas.**_**  
**_

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

**

* * *

**

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 18: Famiglia**

**EPOV **

**

* * *

**

My eyes lock on Bella's warm brown ones peering at me through her rear view mirror as she drives away. Even from this distance, I can see the blush creeping up her cheeks. Crossing my arms over my chest, I hold her gaze until I can no longer make out the whites of her eyes or the blush in her cheeks. Once she is out of view, I realize just how fucking cold it is outside and a chill runs through me forcing me to go back inside.

Walking back into _Eclipse_, I head to the kitchen and put away any remaining food, clean up the remnants of my cooking and re-cork the wine. Grabbing the wine glasses from the counter, I notice the lip print on the rim of Bella's in some kind of pink color. For some fucking reason, I want to smell it. Before I even know what the hell is going on, I bring the rim of the glass to my nose and inhale. _Strawberries_. I quickly rush the crystal over to the sink and wash it by hand, removing any of the strawberry residue. _Shit_. I storm out of the kitchen and head for the stairs, taking them two at a time, to go to my office. I really don't have much left to do today, but Rose is meeting me here later to go to dinner with our parents so I might as well just hang around.

I hit the top of the stairs and start off in the direction of the offices. Looking straight ahead, I pass by Emmett's office with the lights off since he is out today on the count of Rose being in town. I stop in the doorway to Jasper's office, seeing that he's seated at his desk.

"Hey, I dropped that garment bag in your closet."

"Huh?" Jasper asks, looking up at me somewhat confused as if he doesn't know what I'm talking about.

Am I fucking crazy? I know Bella said that Alice sent her with it because Jasper was expecting it or some shit. "Alice sent Bella with a garment bag that has a suit you were waiting for. I came up to give it you, but you weren't in here so I just hung it in the damn closet."

Jasper's face remains confused, but he stands up from his desk and saunters over to the closet as if to check my own fucking sanity for me by making sure the garment bag is actually there. He steps out of the closet with the bag in hand.

"This?"

"Yes. What other damn garment bag is in there?" I know that's the only bag in there, but I'm a little annoyed by the situation at the moment.

Jasper just ignores my attitude. "You said Bella brought it by?"

"Are you going to make me repeat myself? You know I hate that shit."

Jasper, still ignoring my attitude, pulls the zipper down on the bag and peaks inside. With a satisfied grin, he pulls the zipper back up and sets it back in the closet before turning to me.

"How is Bella today?" he asks, his voice is laced with concern, heightened interest, and pride. _Okay_.

"She seemed fine to me. She was a little startled when I approached her downstairs, but she got over it quickly," I say, rubbing my stomach, remembering the ache that settled there when I walked out of the kitchen.

"Startled? Why? What did you do?" Jasper asks with an alarmed tone.

"What the fuck do you mean? What did_ I_ do? She was fucking sitting at bar one in the dark and didn't expect to see me I guess. Stupid shit since 1/3 of this place belongs to me. _She_ fucking scared the shit out of _me_. I definitely wasn't expecting her. And if you knew she was coming with the damn suit, then you should have been around to receive the fucking thing."

"So after you two startled each other?" he asks, trailing off with a completely open ended question.

"She told me Alice sent her to drop off this suit you were _expecting,_ I brought it upstairs, and we ate lunch."

"You took her out? Or you ate here? How did that happen?"

"Jazz, are we playing twenty fucking questions?"

"No, I'm just asking. You need to calm down."

I take a deep breath. I'm irrationally aggravated for no damn reason. I just am. _Perhaps if you got some sleep, Cullen.  
_  
"I was about to make something to eat when Bella showed up. I was on my way to the bathroom when I saw her. She told me about the suit, I asked her if she was on her lunch hour. She said she wasn't working in the office today and that she had only had coffee. So since I was about to make lunch, I offered for her to join me." I mentally recalled the conversation trying to make sure to hit the important points.

Jasper nods his head in understanding before a small smile crept to his lips.

"So you cooked for her then?"

"No, I was just cooking and she happened to be around to eat it. Fucking coincidence."

"Uh huh. What did you cook?"

"Pesto Gnocchi. I made the gnocchi last night when I couldn't sleep and brought it in with me today. There's some left if you want it."

"Yeah, thanks. I am getting hungry. So, you couldn't sleep last night?"

"I was just restless," I say, avoiding the obvious digging attempt from my best friend. I just don't want to dwell on that minor detail.

Jasper raises an eyebrow in my direction and leans back against the front of his desk before continuing. "How was lunch with Bella?"

"Shit, remind me to invite you next time so you can see first hand and I can avoid the fucking inquisition."

"So there's going to be a next time?" The fucker is completely ignoring my barking about this round of questioning. _Did I commit a crime? Is Detective Jasper about to read my my rights and put me under arrest?  
_  
"I don't fucking know. I mean it was her suggestion that we hang out, have fun. So we'll see," I say with a small smile, remembering the blush on her cheeks when I toyed with the double meaning of having 'fun' in the kitchen.

"Really, she said that?"

"Yeah, she said that. I'm not deplorable, Jazz. Shit."

"Damn, Edward. It's not that. I was just surprised she suggested it that's all."

"Why?"

"No reason," Jasper says, all too quickly.

Jasper has been acting off since he came back to Seattle on Sunday. I have no idea why and he won't talk about it. But his excitement at Bella's proposition, followed by his avoidance to answer is fucking strange. It's like he's hiding shit.

"So are you gonna tell me what the fuck your problem is? You've been acting fucking strange since you got back to Seattle."

Jasper moves back around behind his desk and sits down in his chair, not looking at me.

"What do you mean, acting strange? I didn't realize I had been acting any differently."

"Yes, ever since the night of the Halloween party."

"How do you figure?"

"When you came in yesterday afternoon, after the Halloween cleanup, you looked like you haven't fucking slept in two weeks. I figured Alice kept you up late. Except you didn't look like a man who just had a really good fuck. And you were kind of on edge. Slamming shit. Acting more like me than you. And now with the cryptic fucking questions. What the fuck happened that night anyway?"

Jasper looks like the man who got caught by his wife while fucking his mistress. The only question is will he deny it or come clean?

"Nothing happened. I guess I'm just tired. I didn't get much sleep that night so I suppose I was irritable from the lack of sleep." Jasper isn't even looking at me. He's staring at some folder on his desk. _Fucking denial_.

"Fuck that! I'm going to get ready for dinner with my parents; Rose will be here soon. If you decide to get your head out of your fucking ass, you know where to find me."

I leave Jasper's office and walk the few feet down the hallway to mine. I am so fucking irritated. Stupid strawberry scented lip prints, clingy cashiers, lying best friends and now dinner with my sister and my parents. All on top of next to no fucking sleep. I can only hope that Emmett has exhausted Rosalie enough for her to just lay off of my shit for one night. As much as I love her, she is so fucking antagonistic. And when Esme starts to fuss about not seeing her only daughter enough, Rose will inevitably try and change the shit to me.

**~F~  
**

I am finishing putting my right shoe on, when my office door flies open so hard I thought it was going to fly off of the hinges. I look up to see Rose standing in the doorway, arms are crossed over her chest and she is tapping one of her designer shoes on the floor.

"What the fuck, Rose? I could have been naked. And you and Emmett need to stop bursting my goddamn doors open like that."

"Whatever, I've seen your little thing before, _Edward_. Nothing to hide."

"You and I both know, _Rose_, that there is nothing _little_ about me," I say with a chuckle, causing Rose to roll her eyes.

"And have you shared this information with Bella Swan?"

I look at her and furrow my brow in confusion while at the same time my pants suddenly seem a little tighter. Why the hell is she bringing up Bella Swan? _Unless...  
_  
"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Don't fucking play dumb as shit with me Edward Anthony Cullen. I was here Saturday night. I watched you stroll up to her and maul her with your fucking mouth."

I think back to Saturday night, pre-Bella-blackout. I remember kissing her, _vodka and strawberries_, but I also remember the kiss wasn't even deep. It was soft and sensual. _Sensual? What the fuck?_ Rose saw the kiss.

"I see you remember what I'm talking about. Explain," Rose barks.

"There's nothing to explain. Some guy was harassing her and I went to get him off her back. Just a friendly fucking gesture."

"Really? So you just mouth-fuck your friends who find themselves in uncomfortable situations?

"I didn't mouth-fuck her, Rosalie. The kiss was barely open mouth. Shit."

"Open, closed, tongue, teeth, what the fuck ever. You still walked up to her and kissed her. Do you kiss all your friends, Edward? Next time Jasper feels awkward, are you going to give him a peck? Or how about Alice? What are you going to do if Jazz isn't around to protect her? Play fucking tonsil hockey?"

"Fuck! It just happened okay? It didn't mean shit." I'm starting to get really pissed with this fucking conversation. Why does it even fucking matter? I'm starting to get a fucking headache from all the accusatory questioning around here today.

"Does _she_ know that it doesn't mean shit?" Rose has a menacing edge to her tone.

I can't be sure why, but her tone is making me even more fucking mad, especially the bitchy bite to it.

"_Bella_ does know. She was here earlier and everything is fine."

I think Rose's eyes are going to bug out of her head and her perfectly glossed lips are going to kiss the floor from her jaw flying open so wide.

"Edward, what are you..." but she's cut off as Emmett and Jasper come to stand by my office door.

"What the hell are you two going on about?" Emmett asks, his eyes darting between me and my sister.

"Nothing. Just typical bullshit." I say, trying to just move the fuck on. If Rosalie is like this now, dinner should be fucking fantastic. But of course, Rose always has to get one last shot in.

"Edward was just telling me about Bella stopping by today." Rose's smile is sweet, but I know that look in her eye. It screams 'Fuck You!'.

"Yeah, Bella came by to drop off a suit for me from Alice. Edward ended up making lunch for her."

"Hmph." I hear Rosalie scoff through her nose.

Fucking Jasper. Clearly he left his guy code book at home. The code that says fight between brother and sister, back the fuck away.

"Fuck! I already told you, she was here, I was going to make something, I just offered her some. If I just fucking kicked her out then you guys would be on my ass about being a dick. And we're friends. Fucking end of story."

Grabbing my coat, I brush past them and fly downstairs. I pass bar one and decide to take a shot to try and calm my nerves. I have to drive to _Il Terrazzo Carmine_ with Rosalie and I won't fucking make it without help.

I'm already on edge and I don't need this shit. My day is going as well as could be expected. I had been tired all morning. I was fucking pissed that the stove delivery was late and the hammering in the lounge to fix the hole in the floor is not helping my irritation. Jasper was being a suspicious son of a bitch. Whatever the fuck was going on with him, I was too tired and tanked up to fucking deal with it. And of course, Emmett wasn't around to supervise the repairing of the hole in the floor that happened on his watch because he was too busy sticking it to my sister. I had really been looking forward to the gnocchi I made the night before. I made it hoping the monotony of pasta making would calm me down enough to sleep like I normally would. I have barely slept in who the fuck knows how long. I don't need a lot of sleep. You eventually learn how to manage without it. Besides, I can sleep when I'm fucking dead. Right now, there is too much in life to do. But the last couple of nights have been a nightmare. Literally. The same fucking dream over and over plays on a loop in my head. The same damn dream that plagued me as a child. Except now, it's more vivid. Now it's like living it instead of watching it. A dream I have not had in nearly seven fucking years and here it is again, fucking with my head. Fucking cryptic dream with barking and scenery that doesn't change. I have no fucking clue what that means. I can't tell anyone. I can't tell Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, or my parents. Especially not my parents. I've been down that road before. Fuck that. Never again.

I had a good time with Bella. Even with her scaring the shit out of me by lurking in the shadows of _Eclipse_ and assuming Kim was my girlfriend. I can't remember the last time I laughed that fucking hard. And when I realized she wasn't joking, I tried to compose myself to explain. She challenged me with that 'can't have your cake and eat it too' bullshit. I always wanted to maim the fucker who came up with that. What the fuck else do you have cake for if not to eat it? She seemed to accept my explanation and I was glad she dropped the subject. Telling her stories about growing up with Em and Jazz kind of reminded me why I put up with their shit and that they are more than friends. I forgot sometimes; especially on days like today, where nothing was right. I tried to ask her about Halloween and the text she eluded too, but I saw the panic in her eyes and quickly told her we didn't have to talk about it. _Today_. I joked around with her, trying to erase some of that panic that I caused by broaching a fucking taboo topic. I could see and even _feel_ her relax as the tension stopped popping in the air. Surprisingly, I didn't feel the effects of restless and tormented sleep when I was with her. God help me, every time she put that fork in her mouth, tasting _my_ food. I can't even explain it, but I soon realized that I was holding my breath each time the fork left her plate and traveled to her lips. The satisfaction at watching her enjoy the meal I made so completely was more than I was prepared to deal with. It was a heady feeling, like an aphrodisiac rendering my body incapable of normal function. And talking to her was different, stimulating. She's smart and has a wit like a whip ready to crack at any fucking moment. The conversation was natural, easy. Just what I needed to stop thinking about the clusterfuck of a dream. But any reprieve I had felt was lost the minute I started talking to Jazz.

And what the fuck is wrong with Rosalie? I know she just had a weekend of fucking so that can't be it. Why the hell does she feel the need to barge in here and start interrogating me like a hardened criminal?

I take one more shot and then cap the bottle of Patron just as Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett descend from upstairs. Rosalie is glaring at me. Emmett just shrugs and follows her towards the exit. Jasper pauses at the bottom of the stairs and shoots me an apologetic glance. I just nod in his direction, set the bottle down and make my way out of _Eclipse_.

Stepping outside, I see Rose and Emmett all over each other as usual and I just breathe a heavy sigh. I really want to punch something, but instead I bark at her to get in the car. Emmett shoots me a cautionary glance and I just shrug at him. Just like the fucker did to me a few minutes ago. He cuts his eyes at me and I challenge him with a smile. He leans down to kiss Rose through the window she has rolled down, whispering to her and making her giggle despite herself. I slide into the driver's seat, start the ignition and peel off. The look on Rose's face is so startled that I can't help but laugh. I'm already starting to feel better.

**~F&FS~  
**

By the time we reach _Il Terrazzo Carmine_, Rosalie and I both have managed to calm down. Marginally.

I pull into valet and hop out, moving around the car to help my sister out of the low seat. She scowls at me as she places her hand in mine, but I just smile at her and I see her trying to fight the smile creeping into her face. Stepping in through the large glass doors, I see my parents standing by the coat check as Carlisle gently helps my mother out of hers and then hands it to the clerk, then removes his as well. In true Cullen fashion, I do the same thing with Rose and my father and I both have the same reaction to what she's wearing- or not wearing for that matter. I try to cover her back up with the coat that I have just removed. It's far too cold for her to be that undressed and even though she's my older sister, I am very protective of her. Rosalie simply shrugs it off her shoulders and mumbles a "fuck off, Edward" under her breath, so quietly only I can hear her. I just sigh and hand her coat to the clerk and then remove mine to do the same.

Rose walks over to my dad with a squeak and he gingerly wraps his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. _Sure, now she's sweet Rose_.

"Hey there, my little Rosebud," Carlisle says, smiling over her shoulder at me.

"Hi, daddy."

I just roll my eyes. This is the same shit she's been pulling my entire goddamn life. I head over to mom and bend down to kiss her softly on both of her cheeks as she does the same to me and the hostess shows us to our seats.

_Il Terrazzo Carmine_ is Carlisle's favorite restaurant in Seattle. I have no idea how many times I've eaten here, whether it's been a father-son thing or a family thing; whatever. I joked with him once that he should just buy it and he just laughed. But it's possible I have eaten here almost as much as I ate in my mother's kitchen. His regular patronage has earned him the right to spontaneous seating. Basically, he can walk in the fucking door and they'd kick out a customer to give him a table. Of course, Carlisle would never hear of it. He'd probably quote one of his fables or the golden rule and smile as he patiently waited for a table. That's my dad; the perfect fucking picture of compassion and patience.

Mom and dad walk ahead of us and I watch as he takes her hand in his and kisses it, causing her to look up at him and smile. Rose and I exchange a glance and she is beaming from ear to ear. I know that look. She has Emmett on the brain. I just shake my head at her and chuckle. It amazes me how soft she is about him and only him.

After we reach the table, Carlisle and I help mom and Rose into their seats and settle into our own as the hostess recounts the seasonal offerings to the table. Mom and Rosalie are making small talk as the server comes over to accept the wine selection for the table. Dad looks to me and I simply shrug, letting him take the lead. He's much more experienced in this area anyway. I always feel intimidated ordering wine when my dad is around.

"Prendiamo l'Enzo Boglietti Dolcetto d'Alba Tiglineri del 2003, per favore," Carlisle rolls out in perfect Italian, simply telling the server that the table will have a bottle of the 2003 Enzo Boglietti Dolcetto d'Alba Tiglineri. A somewhat sweet and moderately acidic Italian red that my mother adores.

I look over to my mother and she smiles wide and blushes, the same reaction she has had to my father speaking Italian my whole life. Honestly, other than the damn wine he says about four words and she still reacts that way. Not to mention, she fucking speaks Italian so nothing is lost in translation. Rosalie laughs at mom's reaction as my father turns to wink at them and they both giggle like fucking school girls. I shake my head laughing.

"Please, Edward. It's not like you've never used Italian to get over on a girl before," Rosalie's voice echos across the table.

She's right. Except in the past, I've usually used it when a girl was _under_ me. To use her own damn words. It's not something I did that often. I don't need it.

_There was the time in tenth grade when I convinced Ms. Cope to let me cut out of fifth period early so I could skip out on school and go to Seattle with some of the seniors. I can hardly remember what I said now, but it worked. I probably complimented her hair or something. Or the time in college where I wanted to fuck the RA in Catano Hall, who happened to also be the TA for my business management seminar. Thinking about her brings back nice memories. Victoria was a fiery redhead that commanded attention the moment she entered a room. In class she ignored students most of time, spending most of her focus on Professor Jenks. But there was one time when the professor was overwhelmed or some shit and Victoria had to see students on his behalf. Seated in that office across from her, I could tell she wanted me just as badly as I wanted to fuck her. But given our positions, she was going to need something to push her over the edge for that to happen. I sat in that leather chair, watching her as she glanced over my paper on the desk, but she wasn't really reading it. Her eyes were darting all around, she kept pulling at strands of her hair. Putting it into a damn ponytail and taking it down. I watched her intently for several minutes and then I realized what to say to get her to bend to my will._

_"Immagina le mie mani nei tuoi capelli mentre scopiamo,"_  
_  
Victoria looked up at me, her eyes glazed over and I knew I had her. I left the office and went back to my apartment just outside of campus. I was watching a movie when there was a knock on the door. I opened the door to see Victoria standing there with wild, hungry eyes._

_"So what did you say?"_

_I smiled at her and leaned a little closer to her face while I whispered, "Imagine my hands in your hair while we fuck." I felt the tremor roll over her body before she lunged at me, pushing me back into my apartment. It was a good night. I definitely got my hands into her hair, amongst other things._

Like I said, I don't really need it. But it can't hurt.

"Not anymore than you use it to seduce Emmett. I've been listening to that shit for nearly a damn decade."

Rose's mouth fell open as my mother shot me a disapproving stare and told me to watch my language at the table. Carlisle just shook his head, both in amusement and horror. He gave up on the idea of my sister being virtuous when he caught her with Emmett in the pool house one summer when they were both home from college, but he still didn't like it. Emmett was not allowed in my house for nearly a year after that shit.

The waitress returns and takes our dinner orders. Mom orders the Cioppino Northwest, Rosalie chooses the Pennette Con Salmone, I go for the Ossobuco Milanese and Carlisle asks for the Lombata Di Vitello Al Rosmarino. Once the waitress is gone we settle into regular conversation.

Dad's work at the hospital focuses on this trauma case where some kids were trying to bungee jump off of the cliffs at La Push. "Clearly they were not prepared as the bungee cord was 20 feet too long, sending them straight to the bottom," Carlisle says matter of factly. Luckily, all the kids were saved even though two of them suffered damage like broken ribs and pelvic bones. _Dumbfucks_.

At one point, I look over at Rose and I can see the wheels in her head turning. I know she's going to get me back for the 'seducing Emmett' comment and I'm just waiting.

Esme's volunteer social work with the Department of Children and Families is working out well. She tells us about this home visit she did the other day and she brought cupcakes, soup and popsicles because one of the foster children had been sick. It is fun to watch her talk about it. Selfishly, I am glad she has these kids in her life to keep her off of my fucking back about grandchildren. But on a higher level, I just like to see my mom be able to give to less fortunate children what she has been giving me my entire life.

Our food is brought to the table and we start to eat just as Rosalie starts to talk about her upcoming photo shoot in New Zealand. I went to New Zealand once. They have this funny bird there, the Kiwi bird. It's a rare and unassuming bird, but it catches your attention and you can never forget it. Rose already told me about this photo shoot when I saw her on Saturday so I start to zone out as she describes the swimsuit she has to wear on Castlepoint beach. Something about the black bringing out the deep colors in the reef. Same shit I heard two days ago. I like that she gets to travel; I wish I traveled more now. Generally, I don't mind hearing about her shoots. I'm just too tired and my brain fades out for a few minutes.

"Edward, sweetie. Are you alright?" Esme's voice reaches my ears and I feel my body react, trying to get back into reality. I don't even know what I was thinking about. I just nod, smile and dip my fork back into my Ossobuco Milanese.

Rosalie clears her throat and I just brace myself for the onslaught.

"Edward's been seeing Bella Swan," Rosalie just plops bullshit onto the fucking table. Before I can react in my foggy state, Carlisle speaks up.

"Bella Swan? Chief Swan's daughter?" Carlisle has always referred to her this way even though the Chief he is referring to hasn't been around in nearly two decades. I asked him about it once and he told me just because people are physically gone, doesn't mean they deserve any less respect.

"I thought she was living in Forks?" Esme states as a question. I see my father glance at her and they exchange an awkward look. It troubles me for a moment, but I figure it was my own overactive fucking brain playing more tricks.

"She lives in Forks now, but she still works in Seattle."

"So how long have you been seeing each other?" Esme asks, sounding partially wistful, but mostly nervous. Shit. I forget about Rose's load of bullshit.

"I am _not_ seeing Bella Swan, for the last damn time today. Bella came to _Eclipse_ on an errand for Alice to bring something to Jasper. I was already planning on making lunch for myself and since she was there, I offered for her to join me. We ate. She left. That is all. Shit."

"Edward, please watch your tongue at the table, dear," Esme chastises and I want to bolt. Not for the chastisement, but because my nerves are frayed. It's been one of those days and I hate repeating myself. I feel like I've been doing that all damn day. I can only hope that I can sleep tonight and not wake up to this bullshit in the morning. I hate that movie, Groundhog Day.

I run my hands through my hair trying to get a grip and I look over to my sister. Her face is marred with both concern and anger. I'm not sure which is weighing in more. And what the fuck does she have to be angry about? I look at my parents and they are staring at me too. My mother looks terrified. My father looks like he is doing fucking calculations, very pensive. I excuse myself for a minute and step outside to get some air. I stay outside for about five minutes before the chilly evening air bites all of my skin off. I settle back at the table and feel better. Slightly. Everyone is still looking at me and each other, but the table is more relaxed. I take a sip of my wine, take a breath and then ask Rose about the rest of her photo shoot.

After dinner, we say goodbye to our parents. Esme and Carlisle are lingering their hugs on Rose, unsure of when they will see her next. Esme keeps pushing for Christmas at the latest. After kissing my mother's cheeks and shaking Carlisle's hand, I walk to my Audi and help Rosalie in and then take my seat to drive her back to Emmett.

She calls Emmett just before we're pulling up to his place and he's outside waiting for her. She turns to me in the car and I turn my head slightly to look at her.

"I can't believe I have to say this, but you know you can always call me right? Always."

"I know."

"Will you?"

I know what she's asking. She's not asking me if I'll call her when I want to chat about sex or if I need advice on flowers for mom. She's asking me if I'll call her if and when the insanity takes over.

I look her in the eyes and she gives me a small smile. I look back at the steering wheel and nod my head. It's what she wants to hear anyway. And I don't plan on letting the insanity take over. So there is no threat in agreeing to her question. Rose leans over and kisses my cheek, ruffles my already messy hair and then punches me in the arm.

"I'm going to see if I can ship you a Kiwi bird," she shouts as she gets out of the car. I just laugh and shake my head. That bird wouldn't make it out of New Zealand. I see Emmett pull her into one of his hugs, lifting her off the ground. I drive off to head home to start this shit all over again.

* * *

**A/N  
**

_Next chapter- Edward & Bella 'hang out'. (eek!)_

_Il Terrazzo Carmine is a real Italian restaurant in Seattle and it comes highly recommended. Restaurant info on the blog as well. In case you're in Seattle and want some kickass Italian food._

**Fic Rec: Breaking Trinity by VvDeadRosesvV (http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5379823/1/)** Hot. Primal. Smutty. Fun. Just read it.**_  
_**

_**Italian:  
Famiglia- Family. This chapter is about everyone in Edward's family. **_Every person that matters to him is mentioned at some point._**  
**__**Prendiamo l'Enzo Boglietti Dolcetto d'Alba Tiglineri del 2003, per favore- **_We'll have the Avremo la 2003 Enzo Boglietti Dolcetto d'Alba Tiglineri, per fevore, please. _**  
Immagina le mie mani nei tuoi capelli mentre scopiamo- **_Imagine my hands in your hair as we fuck.


	20. Ch 19: Breaking Into Consciousness

**A/N:**

**Cclore, my muse. ILY. That is all. **

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets has surpassed 200 reviews. I thank you all who take the time to review. As a reader, I know sometimes you get wrapped up in the story or you feel like you don't have anything to say in a review. But as an author, I have to say that I appreciate every single review I receive.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 19: Breaking Into Consciousness **

**BPOV**

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"Good Morning, Bella," Alice chirps as I walk into the kitchen. How a lark and a nightingale are supposed to live under the same roof, I have yet to figure out. It's always like this with Alice. Even though she had unlimited reservoirs of energy packed into her unassuming frame, mornings have always been the worst. Probably because I function best after the sun goes down.

I look over at Alice through one eye, since the other has yet to fully open, and she's sitting at the counter with two cups of Starbucks next to her and a box of muffins. I look at her quizzically and she hops down from the counter.

"Are you working today?" she asks, bouncing in my direction with one of the cups of heaven in her hand. _Alice is up to something_.

I abandon that thought for a moment as I lift my life source to my mouth and take in a long sip, sighing as the warm liquid spreads through my veins. Removing the cup from my lips, I peer over the plastic top and notice Alice is now standing in front of me with a muffin. A double chocolate chip muffin with strudel topping. _Definitely up to something_.

"Spill it, Ali." I'm just waiting for her to tell me that she backed into my car or that she wants me to move out so she can have more space for Jasper. In reality, I know that second statement isn't even an option. But her "please Bella" behavior is unnerving. The last time she did this I ended up neck deep in shopping bags. Alice wanted a shopping partner at some sample sale in Seattle.

Alice smiles at me, she isn't really nervous at all. So I decide that it must not be so bad. _Right_?

"It's not bad, Bella. I just know you worked late last night and since I can't work the coffee maker, I went out and got you one."

"So the muffins then?"

"Those are my peace offering."

"And what kind of peace with you do I need to make that leads you to buy a piece of hell to go with my heaven?" I ask, shifting the muffin in one hand and and the coffee in another. Truth is, these are my favorite muffins. Alice knows that. They are also the most unhealthy thing on the planet. They should still be their own food group and I'm still going to eat every last one.

"It's about the cooking class on Friday. I can't go."

"What? Why?" I ask, almost shouting.

There is this cooking class at the Blue Ribbon Cooking and Culinary Center in Seattle that I asked Alice to attend with me in August. I asked her around the time that I realized Mike and I had fallen into a relationship rut. I asked Mike, but he outright declined my request. I love to cook and I thought it was something we could do together. Something other than sit in silence on the couch. I was also feeling guilty because I was not spending that much time with my best friend. Alice readily agreed. Yes, we both know she can't cook to save her life. And she'd probably be more likely to end it if she tried to cook, but it's something we could do together. This is a concept Alice understood that Mike did not. Blue Ribbon holds these classes all the time, but I am interested in this one because the menu includes something I have never been able to master. Lobster ravioli.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It's work. I got this last minute job for Enchanted Midnight and I really, really want to do it. But it means I can't be available for the class Friday. I won't do it if you don't want me to."

I know she wont, but I can't ask her that. I know she doesn't expect me to ask her to come to the class instead, but I appreciate the gesture.

"It's fine, Ali. Really. I can learn about lobster ravioli another time."

Alice hops in the air and claps her hands in excitement. I think she's going to shout 'Ready? Ok?' like a cheerleader, resorting back to one of her high school activities. Well, until she comes to her senses and drops cheerleading, but old habits die hard. "That is so great, Bella. Thank you," she says as she pulls me into a hug and almost punctures a lung with a crushed rib. "You know, you don't actually have to cancel going to the class."

"Alice. I am not going to that class by myself."

"I didn't say you had to go alone either," Alice says as she bounces from the kitchen.

I think to call after her and figure out what she is talking about, but I catch sight of the clock on the stove telling me that it's now seven o'clock and I need to get ready for work. My progress on **Unexpected Combinations** is due to my boss by nine-thirty. My meeting with the author, Dave Aveeno, went well on Tuesday; especially since I had to explain to him the issues I have with the feta and cauliflower frittata. He took the criticism well and chose to take it out of this book and save it for **Unexpected Combinations Two** after he has some time to tweak it.

By the time I get out of the shower and dressed for work, Alice is already gone. I look in the muffin box and notice she took two, leaving me with only three more after the one I already ate this morning. Greedily, I pick up the box and carry it to my car with the rest of my stuff. I have no intention on sharing the rest of my muffins.

I get to work and make it to my office a little before nine. Taking my progress report out of my bag, the familiar card slipped out along with it. It must have fallen in my bag this morning when I stuffed my progress report in there. I had been reading the report last night over again before I fell asleep and I guess I set the card on top of it this morning. I move to read the card when Pebbles called and said that Mr. Afton wanted to see me now. Some meeting he had later got bumped up to my original time slot of nine-thirty. Good thing I was early this morning.

I place the card on my desk, check my appearance in the mirror Angela and I had on the wall to make sure I was straightened up, take two more sips of the coffee I picked up this morning on the way in and dash out of the door to Mr. Afton's office.

**~F&FS~  
**

I come back to my office flying on a cloud of compliments. "Excellent work as always, Bella," "fantastic way to handle a difficult criticism," "great alternative suggestions." Hearing that kind of praise from my boss sends my spirits soaring high. Before the meeting with Mr. Aveeno, I was so concerned that I would screw this up. I was out of practice due to my time off. I always had pride in my work, but I've been doubting myself. Doubting my talent, my worth, my ability to continue to do this work. Although I know that Mr. Afton's praise is just a superficial band-aid to a much deeper problem, I still absorb it and let it envelope me.

I pick up my iPhone and see that I got a text from Alice.

_"No one needs six muffins, Bella. ;o)"_

She's responding to my overly hostile text from this morning when I all but shouted at her for taking two of MY muffins. MY peace offering. Between her backing out on me from the cooking class and her cryptic, cheer squad behavior, I guess I overreacted. They're just muffins; I can get more if I want more. I'm not upset with Alice. I just really want to go to that class and there is no way I can go by myself.

I sit back down at my desk and my eyes fall to the card I left lying there before I dash to my meeting. I pick up the now battered card and read the familiar handwriting, now faded from the oil of my fingers. _"Keep your head up. And try to stay on your feet. I won't be there to catch you._" ~ Edward.

Edward's hair, Edward's eyes, Edward's obscenely vulgar mouth, Edward's soft and subtle masculine scent, Edward making me a drink, Edward cooking. _Wait! Edward cooks_.

Alice's words from this morning run through my mind, "_I didn't say you had to go alone either_."

It's like someone just swiped smelling salts under my nose to wake me up. Edward. But almost as soon as realization hit me, doubt came running in right behind it. Can I really ask Edward to a cooking class? I know I suggested we hang out, but I didn't expect to be the one to initiate it by taking the next step. What if he thinks I'm insulting his cooking skills by asking? The pesto gnocchi I ate at Eclipse was by far the best I have ever had. I can still taste the deliciousness on my tongue. But still, coming out and asking him to attend a class with me could be seen as insulting his kitchen skills.

Oh, God! What if he says no? It's Wednesday. What if he has plans? It's a Friday night class. Why would I expect him to be free? What if he just says no to say no. No real reason. Like, he's not interested in spending time with me. _But he exchanged numbers with you. And the 'fun.'_ I bet he was just being nice.

I throw my head into my hands and sigh, completely frustrated with my behavior and my thoughts. Why do I care? We're just friends right? I can ask a friend to a cooking class. I asked Alice and Edward is a friend like Alice. _Yes, but you've never dreamed of Alice and woke up sweating as her name fell from your lips like you did with Edward. _That was a fluke reaction to the Ambien. Even my subconscious is against me.

Pushing the troubling mental monologue from my mind, I place the card back in my bag and get to work. The third draft of Mr. Aveeno's book is due in two weeks and there are a lot of edits I have to do by next week, get to him and then receive back. Not to mention the five other recipes he wants to add that I will now need to test. Pickled asparagus is the one I am least looking forward to.

Just as I finish working on the edits for the day and I'm about to head home, Alice calls.

"Hey, Alice."

"Hi, Bella. I was thinking pizza tonight?"

"Uhm, yeah sure. I was going to go to the store and get ingredients for these five new recipes, but I can always start tomorrow."

"Great! I just really want pizza today for some reason. I'll call ahead and pick it up."

"Okay, Ali. See you soon."

I hang up the phone and grab my stuff to leave for the day. Talking to Alice brings the cooking class back to the forefront of my mind and as a result, Edward. Maybe I can run my thoughts by Alice and get her input. The idea both scares me and relaxes me at the same time.

**~F&FS~  
**

Alice and I are sitting on the couch, both in our comfies with a box holding a large, extra cheese pizza on the coffee table in front of us. The pizza came from Captain Pizza and we've been eating it our entire lives.

Alice reaches in to grab a second slice of pizza and I decide now is as good a time as any to get this over with.

"Ali, can I run something by you?"

Alice turns to look at me and nods since her mouth is now full of pizza.

"It's about the cooking class on Friday. I uhm...I still want to go and I don't want to go alone," I pause and take a deep breath. Alice is still chewing. "I was thinking about asking Edward, but I don't know."

Alice picks up the remote and mutes the TV, then turns to look at me. Before she begins to talk, I cut her off.

"What if he says no, or what if he has plans? What if he thinks I'm insulting him or being too forward? What..."

"Bella, SHUT UP!" Alice shouts in the middle of my rambling and cuts me off. I blink at her, astonished that she just shouted at me. "Now, what are you talking about?"

I realize that Alice and I never talked about my day at Eclipse. Sighing, I go into explaining how I went to Eclipse on Tuesday to drop off Jasper's suit. How Edward cooked pesto gnocchi and shared it with me. And how I not so subtly suggested we hang out sometime. Then how he took my iPhone and traded our contact information. I also told her how I was thinking about who else I could take to the class and Edward came to mind. I left out the sexual dreams and the card I grip to sleep every night that lead me to think about him. Those facts reveal something pretty personal that I am not even ready to admit to myself.

"So, you _like_ Edward and you're concerned about asking him to the class because you don't want to seem too forward or insulting?"

I throw a pillow at her and Alice squeals as it breezes by her head.

"I do not _like_ Edward, Alice."

"Right. So why are you all red and completely flustered? You should have seen your face, Bella, when you were just talking about him. You like him. Look at you, you're even more red now."

I look down at the pillow in my lap. _Do I like him_?

"I..I..have no idea, Ali. I like being around him. He makes me feel safe; he doesn't frighten me. He never has. His mouth is so vulgar, but it makes me smile anyway. He's blunt and I never have to wonder what he's thinking. That's so refreshing. He does little things that are so sweet even though he doesn't realize it. Like offering to take the heavy garment bag off of my hands or driving me home away from his party and then staying to make sure I'm alright."

I chance a glance at Alice and she is watching me with a huge grin on her face. Before I can even take another breath, she is bouncing up and down on the couch so hard I think she's going to flip over the back.

"Oh, Bella. This is so awesome! You just have to ask him. You have to. Edward doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do. If he exchanged contact info with you, he wanted to. If he agreed to hang out, then it's something he's interested in. You can't let that slip by. Just call him." Alice grabs my phone from the coffee table.

"Alice, it's nearly eleven! I am not calling him right now. I'll do it tomorrow." I grab my phone from her hands. I cringe thinking about the short notice; even more reason to reject me.

"Stop that, Bella. Edward works for himself; he does what he wants. If he's not available, which I bet he is, then suggest something else for another time. It's simple."

I just lean back into the couch, juggling my phone in my hands, attempting to ignore the nagging roll of my stomach.

**~F&FS~  
**

"You okay, Bella?" Angela's voice came across the silence of the room.

"What? Oh, I'm fine, Ang. I just was up late gabbing with Alice and I have these edits that seem to just be swirling on the screen."

"Coffee? I'll run out and get you some. I could use a cup."

"Thanks. That would be great." I smile at Angela as she grabs her purse and coat and leaves our office.

Looking at the clock on my screen, it's noon. I have done nothing for more than three hours. Nothing except stare at my phone and tug on the ends of my hair.

"Ugh!"

I grab my iPhone one last time and move to send the same stupid text message I have been trying to send since nine o'clock this morning.

"_I was wondering if you'd still be interested in hanging out?_"

I set my phone down and anxiously wait a reply. Luckily, I don't have to wait very long.

"_What do you have in mind?"_ ~ E

It's not a yes; it's not a no. That's a good thing. Right?

_"There is this class I signed up to attend. I thought we could go together?" _

I wait for his reply again. More time passes than previously and I think that maybe this is his rejection of me. I start to sink into my office chair, pouting as the feeling of rejection washes over me. It's a sinking feeling, so my physical reaction is appropriate. I place my hands over my face, running my fingers over my hair line when my phone rings generically. I pick it up and look at the caller ID. Edward.

"Hello?" I try and remove the shakiness from my voice.

_"Bella? Are you okay?" _

"Uh, I'm fine. I just need more caffeine. Angela went out to get me some." I guess I did a terrible job of removing the shakiness.

_"Oh. Alright."_ I can hear him lightly chuckling on the other end._ "Listen, I'm driving and this is just easier. So what were you texting about? You want me to go to school with you?"_ Edward concludes with a laugh.

"Uhm, not school- school. It's a cooking class at Blue Ribbon here in the city."

_"When?"_

"Friday evening. I know it's last minute, so if you can't that's okay. We can do something else some other time," I quickly blurt out, remembering Alice's advice from the night before.

_"Friday nights are pretty busy at Eclipse, but let me check with Em and Jazz."_

"Oh. Ok."  
_  
"Relax, Bella. I'll get back to you in a few hours after I get back to Eclipse."_ Edward's tone is softer and his velvety voice sends relaxation signals through the phone to my brain. I instantly calm down.

We speak a few more words to each other, but to be honest, I'm just basking in the relaxation. _How does he do that_?

I get off the phone with Edward just as Angela comes back into the office with glorious Starbucks.

"What are you smiling about?" she asks, handing me the perfect red holiday cup from Starbucks.

"Nothing. You know how I love my Starbucks, Ang," I say as I take a sip. If only she knew my smile had nothing do with Starbucks at all.

**~F&FS~  
**

"Bella, please! You cannot wear those jeans, that shirt and certainly NOT those sneakers tonight." Alice is in my room hopping about like a crazy person as she harps on my chosen apparel for the cooking class tonight.

"I don't see why not, Alice. I always wear stuff like this to classes."

"This is not a regular class, Bella. This is a class with Edward! You _cannot_ wear that."

"Well, I am not wearing that dress or those heels you just pulled out of my closet either. That is an accident waiting to happen. 'Look at Bella in her cute heels and too short dress.' You might as well just have me wear my underwear on my head because in that outfit, everyone will see my underwear at some point once I fall over," I say, throwing my hands in the air.

"Ok. Ok. Calm down," Alice waves off as she runs into my closet in search of something else.

I plop down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. Alice has been buzzing like a maniac ever since I told her that Edward agreed to join me at the class tonight. I took an Ambien last night just to drown her out, but that didn't stop her from picking up again this morning. Luckily, the office is closed today for painting and I have the time to endure Alice's torture when it comes to my appearance tonight. I'm still not sure of my feelings, but Alice is convinced that this is something she needs to lend her meddlesome hands to.

"I'm not going to be here tonight, Bella. You're going to have to get yourself ready. But I can leave you instructions," Alice calls from my closet. I can hear the hangers being flipped.

"I am more than capable of dressing myself, Alice. Thanks."

_Silence_. God knows what is running through the pixie's head.

Moments later, Alice emerges from my closet with a deep blue tunic sweater, black leggings and my Sigerson Morrison gray suede boots that I love. "This is what you need to wear. And you need to wear the Barclay Cashmere coat."

I just laugh at her exuberance. You'd think it's her going on a date._ Wait? A date. This is not a date, Bella. This is two friends. Hanging out, having fun_.

Sighing at myself, I look to Alice and run my eyes over the items in her hands. "I approve."

"Great!" Alice says, clapping her hands. "I have to run. I have a million things to do. Call me if you need anything and call me as soon as it's over. I need all the deets." Alice gives me a light squeeze and scampers off to the rest of her day.

**~F&FS~  
**

When I talked to Edward a little more than twenty four hours ago, we agreed that it would be best for me to meet him at Blue Ribbon. Well, he offered to pick me up at work and then I told him I wasn't going to be in the office on Friday. This lead me into a long and embarrassing rambling about office paint jobs, which only made Edward laugh. Then he offered to pick me up from home, which I both reluctantly and forcefully refused. Hard to imagine right? I didn't want to inconvenience him by forcing him into a forty-five minute drive each way when the class is in Seattle. Plus, this isn't a date. He shouldn't need to pick me up.

So now I'm parking on the street outside of Blue Ribbon Cooking and Culinary Center and trying to make sure I breathe. _What the hell is wrong with me_? I rest my forehead on my hands, grip my steering wheel and mentally chastise myself for this irrational behavior.

Alice's voice keeps ringing in my head. "_So, you _like_ Edward..._"

No! I don't.

The same back and forth for the last two days. How can I _like_ him? How can I _feel_ anything for him other than potential friendship? I don't even really know him. And how can I feel anything period? I never want to again. I never want to be attracted to anyone, like anyone, love anyone again. I locked that part of me away that night in September. Mike told me he loved me. He told me before many times and he told me again that night after he hurt me. After he broke me. I thought I loved him too. Maybe I did and if I could let someone I love do that to me and feel so wretched afterward, I never want to love again. I don't want to _feel_.

So, no. I don't _like_ Edward.

Just as I come to my conclusion, there is a tap on my window. Startled, my head jerks away from my steering wheel and I blink as I look towards the window. Looking through the window, I see a familiar pair of green eyes staring back at me laced with concern.

"Bella, are you okay? What's wrong?" Edward asks through the window.

I stare at him for a moment and then turn my car off and move to open the door. Edward steps aside and pulls the door open for me, making room for me to step out. I shut the door and look up at him to see the look of concern is still there.

"I'm fine. Really. Just a little tired." It's not a complete lie. Even if that's not the reason my head was down, I am tired. Interrupted sleep and a best friend with the energy of a cyclone will do that to a person.

Edward continues to look at me, searching my face for something. I smile at him and he returns my smile with a lazy one and I think I feel my heart flutter in my chest. I look away for a second, but I can still feel his gaze and the consequent blush rising to my cheeks. I turn to look at him and he nods his head as if he's affirming something to himself.

"Come on then. We don't want to be late for the first day of class," Edward says with a laugh. He grabs my arm and nudges me in the direction of the building, dropping it as soon as I start to move with him. His enthusiasm is contagious and I almost forget my minor freak out in the car moments ago.

We reach the entrance and Edward opens the door for me to enter first. I've been here before, so I know where I'm going and I lead the way down the hall on the first floor. It's a long corridor and I can hear my heartbeat thumping in my ears. Neither one of us is saying anything. I'm not even sure what to say at this point. I chance a glance at Edward and he's playing with something on his phone with an amused look on his face. Finally, we reach the classroom where the class is being held and I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Again, Edward opens the door for me, allowing me to step in first.

We're greeted by the chef for the evening and then walk over to the coat rack to hang up our personal affects. Edward motions with his index finger for me to spin around with my back to him and he helps me remove my coat. As he grabs the neck of my coat, his hands brush against my skin and an electric jolt runs straight through me. I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. I've felt a shock from Edward before, but it was stronger this time. I wonder if he feels it too or if it's a figment of my imagination.

I turn around just as Edward is hanging up my coat and he looks confused. In less than an instant, that look is wiped from his face and replaced by a smirk as he takes off his own coat and hangs it up. Someone on his other side starts to talk to him and Edward gets into a light conversation. I'm not sure if they know each other, but he seems so at ease talking to this person.

I reach into my bag and pull out my apron. I have a few actually, but this one is my favorite. I put the neck loop over my head and secure the straps around my back, tying them in a bow. I turn to face Edward just as the person he was talking to walks away and he turns back to me.

"Ready?" he starts to ask, but he stops as he looks at my apron. "You weren't wearing that a moment ago."

"I just put it on while you were talking."

Edward nods his head and smiles.

"Alice got it for me about two years ago when she went to Italy for school. I don't think she realized I could just as easily buy this online, but it's the thought that counts." There I go, rambling again.

Edward chuckles softly and then makes his way towards one of the empty tables. I notice that he actually doesn't say very much. Or maybe, I just talk too much. Yeah, that's it. I talk too much. It's weird though. It's not like I feel like I need to fill the silence. It's more like I feel like I _can_ talk. Like it's okay. As he walks ahead of me, I notice how perfect his jeans are. The way they hang on his frame. I wonder if he gets them tailored or if they are just that perfect. Alice would know.

Settling down at a table, we both read over the instructions sheet set by each place in the classroom. The sheet includes etiquette guidelines for the class and clean up instructions as well as the information for what is on the menu tonight. The last bit at the bottom is an advertisement for future classes.

"So based on your apron, I guess you like pasta?" Edward breaks the silence between us.

"Mhmm. It's my favorite."

Edward nods his head. He does that a lot I've noticed. "So why this class, then? Do you actually need to learn something or is it just for kicks?" His green eyes penetrate mine with amusement, waiting for my response.

"Well. Uhm...lobster ravioli is something I have never been able to master. It gives me the most trouble."

"Is it the pasta or the lobster?"

"It's, well. The combination of both I guess. I can make pasta just fine. And I cook lobster. But together, it doesn't come out well. It's always a sticky, soggy mess."

Edward is about to say something just as Chef Carey calls us to attention to begin the class.

We work side by side as we knead and roll the flour and egg combination to make pasta sheets. I can't help but to look at his long, elegant fingers wrapped around the soft dough. I have to actually hold my mind back to resist images from a dream I had the other night where his hands were kneading my flesh in a similar manner. We make small talk about nothing in particular. I learn that he thinks the NBA is a joke and prefers movies to television.

He asks me how I got interested in cooking and I start to tell him, but I freeze remembering that it was something I picked up after being orphaned and living with Alice and her family. I don't want to travel that road. Not now. Edward, noticing my discomfort, changes the subject.

"So, did I tell you what Emmett did on Saturday?"

I shake my head in response. This should be great.

"Well, truthfully I didn't hear about it until around four am on Sunday. I had just fallen asleep when my phone started to go off. I answered it to a drunk and hollering Emmett. I could hear my sister screaming at him in the background. But even though she's screaming at him, he's almost laughing. I finally get him to calm down enough to hand the phone to Rosalie who explains that Emmett thought it would be a good idea to do flame thrower shots at bar three in the lounge with a few people."

I'm enthralled by his story. His eyes are glowing as he tells it and he's fighting back his own laughter. It's almost...beautiful to watch. Dough forgotten.

"You need to keep kneading the dough Ms. Swan or it will get hard," Chef Carey says as he comes to stand by my table. I look down at the dough and blush. Nodding my head, I go back to kneading the dough. For a moment, I thought I heard a rumble or growl come from Edward's direction, but if I did he's doing a great job of covering it because I can't see it in his face.

"One of the flame thrower shots had a mind of their own," Edward continues and by this time we're rolling the dough out to cut it into even squares. "It was Emmett's turn to down the shot, but he got freaked out by the flames and dropped it. The liquor and fire from the shot, combined with the lacquer finish on the floor in the lounge, created a fire."

I gasp audibly as Edward tells me the story. I can't believe Emmett was afraid of the flames for the shots _he_ suggested. Big Emmett is afraid of flames. It's almost laughable. Edward laughs at my reaction.

"It's alright, Bella. It just burned a hole into the floor. At the time, I was furious. Even the next day. Emmett is always a fucking mess when Rose is in town. He turns into an Animal House type drunken frat boy."

"Emmett seems like he's always playful to me," I say. It's true. He's such a jokester and always grinning.

"Trust me. The Emmett with Rosalie around is ten times worse. It's because he's so happy when she's around," Edward trails off and I start laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. You said Animal House and now I'm imagining Emmett in a toga," I say as I continue laughing. Edward joins me in laughing and any somber thoughts I am having are erased with that melodic sound.

We move on to setting the lobsters to boil in their pots while the freshly cut pasta rests. Edward thinks it's a good idea to come at me with one of the lobsters, bringing it's antennae close to my face. I yelp at the contact while stumbling backwards, trying to get away. My reaction sends Edward into a roaring laugh while Chef Carey and some of the other people in class look at us disapprovingly. I decide that I don't care and end up laughing with him.

"You know, I used to cry when I put the lobsters in the pot?"

"Really? Why is that?"

"I always felt bad for them. Being stuffed in there like that with no way of getting out. And then I saw this documentary about lobsters screaming while they are in the pot and I swore off eating lobster for years." Edward is looking at me half amused and half something else that I don't know how to decipher. I swat him in the arm lightly with the towel in my hand and he wraps an arm around my shoulder so quickly I don't even see it coming.

"If you want to hurt me, Bella, you'll have to use more force than that," Edward whispers into my hair. A heat wave hits my cheeks, the double meaning in his words combined with his soft whisper is sending my mind to a million places. Places I don't want to go. So why am I resting my head against his side?

Snapping out of it, I move back to my station as Edward sets the lobsters down in front of us.

"Thanks for doing that. I probably would have scalded myself with hot water. Then I'd be all hot and wet."

Edward turns to look at me and he's wearing that crooked grin. The danger grin as I've decided to call it. "Shit then, next time you can handle it."

_Did I really just say that? Hot and wet? Did he just say next time?_ I wish my hair was down so I could shield my face behind it. This blushing is out of control.

Whipping together the ingredients for the filling, another silence falls between us and once again, I find myself admiring Edward. This time, my focus is drawn to his forearms and the muscles as they flex with each movement of his hands. It's easy to see since his sleeves are rolled up to just past his elbows perfectly.

"How did you get into cooking, Edward?"

"Hm?" he mumbles, appearing as if he was lost in his own thoughts.

"Cooking? How did you get into it?"

"Oh. My mom. I spent a lot of time with my mom when I was a little shit. It's something we did together and it kind of stuck with me."

"And you still cook? Even now?"

"You sound surprised, again."

"I know. It's just. Well. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it's just that most guys can't cook or would never admit to cooking. Look around the room; besides Chef Carey and you, there is one other guy. And you're admitting that you can and that you like it. It's too good to be true." I whisper the last part, hoping he doesn't hear me. When I was younger and actually had hopes of a future and marriage, I used to dream of my husband and I cooking together. I gave those dreams up long ago and I haven't thought about them in quite some time. Yet, Edward talking about cooking brings them to the forefront of my mind.

"Yeah, even now. Not as often as I should or I'd like to, like I told you the other day. Esme would fucking kill me if she knew more about my current eating habits," Edward concludes with a disbelieving shake of the head.

At this point, the class is filled with squeals and squeaks as people start to open the cooled lobsters. I let out a squeal of my own as I get squirted in the face with lobster juice. Before I can even wipe off my own hands to remove the liquid from my face, Edward reaches over with his towel to do it for me.

"I swear, Bella, you're last name should be Murphy. No one else got lobster juice in their face." He's laughing through his words and the embarrassment I would ordinarily feel at this situation dissipates.

Laughing, we go back to our stations and start chopping up the lobster meat to stick in the mousse filling for the ravioli. I stay focused on my knife because I really don't want to cut myself. I've already blacked out on Edward once. I don't want to do it again in less than a week. And the sight of blood will surely render me useless. We toss the lobster into the bowls and fold the meat into the mousse a few times to make sure it's covered adequately. After setting the pots of water to boil, we start to stuff and seal the ravioli noodles and set them to the side. Edward moves so swiftly and efficiently as his long fingers grip the tiny spatula and place a dollop of the lobster filling on the center of the ravioli square. Then he lifts a second square from the resting sheet and places it in perfect alignment with the first one, even the tiny ridges on the side line up perfectly. He then takes the egg bath brush and glides it over the four edges, sealing the filling inside. He finishes by pressing the edges lightly with his soft fingertips and then sets it on the dish to the side.

"I have a feeling you've done this before."

"Once or twice," he says with a wink. Oh, God, he winked. _Keep it together, Bella_.

We have to set the stuffed ravioli to the side for a few minutes while the egg bath works to thoroughly seal the noodles. The instruction sheet says that we have the option for two sauces; Edward chooses the truffle sauce and I choose the seafood based cream sauce. Edward brings me a bowl of the sauce from when the lobsters boiled and sets it at my station. He starts to cut his truffles and then tosses them into the saute pan with the unsalted butter, white wine, shallots, and a little fresh garlic. Watching him is like watching one of those chefs on TV. He's so confident and sure of his actions. And oh my God, if that's not the sexiest thing I have seen in a long time...

Frustrated and excited at the same time, I set the butter, heavy cream, white wine, fresh roma tomatoes and lobster stock into my sauce pan and let it simmer.

"Ready to do the ravioli?" Edward asks, breaking me from my mental chastisement. I nod and as he brings over the two plates holding our respective ravioli, I notice that his are all stacked in a perfect alternating pattern, whereas mine is kind of clustered together on the plate.

I start to dump my ravioli into the water, but Edward stops me. "No, no, Bella. Shit. Not like that. Like this." Edward moves to my side and I make the mistake of breathing him in. His scent is always so intoxicating to me, but the heat of the kitchen makes it stronger and his proximity makes it more prevalent to my senses. He wraps one arm around my shoulder lightly and uses his other hand for demonstration. "You should drop each ravioli in one at a time, give it a second to get wet and acclimate to the heat of the water. Otherwise, if you dump them all in, they seek each other out and get stuck to one another."

Edward let go of my shoulder to allow me to continue to drop my ravioli into the pot one by one. I didn't realize I was leaning into him, again. But as soon as he let go and the tingling and warmth are gone, I let out a small and stifled cry. Surprising myself at my reaction, I look at Edward. It doesn't appear he heard me, so I go back to my ravioli.

The ravioli doesn't need long to cook in the pot and Edward strains both of ours, setting mine to the side of my sauce pan and then moving to his. I'm starting to get used to his brand of chivalry. Kind of. I definitely like not having to worry about scalding myself. Plus, he seems to do it in half the time than it would take me to do it.

I follow Edward's earlier advice and settle the ravioli one at a time into the sauce pot as well. Looking over at him, I see he is doing the same thing. He sees me look at him and he nods and smiles in approval of my technique. Or rather my use of his technique. His show of approval makes me giddy and I now have a huge smile on my face. A few minutes later, it's time to plate the food. I notice that my ravioli is not all clumped together. It's actually pretty and I can't wait to see if it tastes as good as it looks.

Edward and I sit down next to each other at our stations. I look around the room and chuckle to myself. Most everyone else is cleaning up at this point, but Edward and I did a lot of the cleanup as we went through the cooking process so we can take the time to taste our food now. I always like how Blue Ribbon runs their classes. Most of the participants already have experience cooking and the class is mainly independent. The instructing chef is really only there for guidance and supervision. It works for someone like me who doesn't do as well in a team environment and someone like Edward who I gather prefers to set his own parameters than following a stringent set of rules.

We both take a bite of our ravioli and I chuckle to myself because Edward and I both sigh contentedly at first bite. Not to mention, I'm elated at the fact that I managed to not screw up the ravioli this time.

"How is it?" I ask him, even though I'm sure he's going to tell me it's great.

"It's fucking fantastic. Want a taste?" he asks in a soft tone. I nod in response and he spears a ravioli with his fork, lifting it to my mouth. _He's going to feed me_? I timidly open my mouth to allow his fork entrance and wrap my lips around the tines. He slides the fork out of my mouth and I feel my eyes roll in my head as the heavenly taste of truffles and lobster melt on my tongue. I swallow and look at Edward and his eyes are darkened and fiery. I squirm in my seat under his heated gaze._ I'm screwed_.

With a shaky hand, I pick up my fork and spear a ravioli from my dish. I lift it up and not trusting my voice to speak, I gesture for him to open his mouth and let me feed him in a similar fashion. Edward opens his mouth and his pink tongue darts to the edge to meet the fork as it comes into contact with the opening. Shutting his lips around the fork, I feel it vibrate in my hand as he hums in satisfaction. My entire body is on fire. _Is it hot in here? Or is it just me_? I remove the fork from his mouth and move it to mine, licking off the remnants of the sauce. Edward is watching me as I watch him chew and swallow and a grin starts to grow on his face. _Oh my God, that fork was just in Edward's mouth_. My cheeks have to be the color of tomatoes again.

"See, Bella. Nothing but firm and delicious. You just needed the right person to show you." Now I'm sure my cheeks are the color of a deep red, macintosh apple.

Before I can get anymore red, Chef Carey calls us all to attention and thanks us for coming. He has a few announcements, including a reminder to clean our stations before we leave. Edward and I do our last bit of cleanup in silence, being sure to place each dish in the dishwasher and discard all scraps of food into the trash compactor. I take the containers that Blue Ribbon provides and pack up our ravioli before we move over to the coat rack to get bundled up to leave. Edward helps me untie my apron by deftly pulling at the strings with one hand, causing them to come undone. Then he helps me into my coat and the familiar electric jolt shoots through my muscles as his knuckles brush my skin. Edward shrugs his coat on, while I shove my apron into my bag and we leave the classroom.

We step outside and are smacked with the brisk air as it hits our faces, a stark contrast to the warmth of the classroom we were just in. On the way to my car, thoughts are running through my mind. He said next time right? Does he want to do this again? Would he want to do something else? Should I ask? Will he mind that I took a few of his ravioli and gave him a few of mine? We both seemed to enjoy each other's so I thought it made sense. Purposefully, I ignore the humming sensation I feel running through my veins and the electricity I sense clicking in the air. Not paying attention, I stumble on the cobblestone and start to fall forward and my hands are full so I either have to drop my bag and my ravioli to use my hands or risk falling flat on my face. I don't really have time to process the thoughts as Edward's strong arm wraps around my waist, stopping me from falling and pulls me into him.

"Shit, Bella. Are you okay?"

I nod my head against his chest. I don't want to move. It's so comfortable. I feel so safe. So protected. In this one instant, I have no fear. Edward loosens his grip on my waist and I sigh at the loss of contact. He comes around to stand in front of me, leaning down to look me in the eye.

"What the fuck am I going to do with you?" he asks with an amused grin.

"Lucky for me that you were here to catch me, again."

Edward chuckles and holds my arm as we walk the last few feet to my car. I unlock my car as we approach it and he opens the door for me. I set my purse and ravioli container on the passenger seat and then back out and turn to Edward.

"Did you have fun, Bella?" he asks, as I turn to face him.

"Yes. Very much. Thank you for coming with me."

"Thank you for inviting me," Edward says, leaning in closer to my face. Thank God it's dark and there is only the light from the street lamps because his proximity is making me slightly light headed and I don't think I stopped blushing from the class or from being pressed against him a few moments ago. "Are you alright to get home?"

"I'll be fine. The drive isn't really that long."

Edward pulls me into a soft hug and surprises me by placing a soft kiss on my forehead. Thankfully, this is the end of the night, because senses are lost in that one moment. His hands on my skin are one thing, but the contact of his lips to my forehead is something else entirely. Something else unexplainable and unexpected and I have to fight my body to not sink into his touch. Edward releases me and I slide into my seat, starting the car as Edward starts to shut the door. "Have a good night, Bella," he says just as the door clicks.

I try to hide the disappointment as I drive away. I check my review mirror and he's watching me again until I can barely make out his frame in the darkened night. I thought for sure that he had as much fun as I did. So why didn't he ask me to hang out again or suggest we get together sometime? Something? Anything? I slam my fist against the steering wheel, mad at myself. You're so stupid, Bella. You let too much of yourself out today. What could Edward Cullen possibly want with you except sex. Sure he seems different, but he's a guy after all and he's already admitted to having meaningless sex. But has he ever spent time with those girls? Does it matter? You aren't traveling that road anymore remember? My internal war is in full swing and it's awful.

The entire drive back home is awful. I reach my driveway and park, hoping to talk about this with my best friend and then I remember that she's not here. She wants me to call her, but I can't. Not now. I'm too frustrated. I enter the house and turn the lights on as usual, mumbling to myself about being a stupid girl and cursing Edward's danger grin. At one point, I even laugh at the absurdity of this situation.

I'm heading upstairs to my room when my phone chirps to let me know I have a text message. I enter my room and toss my bag on my bed and pull out my phone. Edward's name and message is there in black and white across the screen. My breath hitches in my throat as I read it.

_"Go to the apple picking festival with me next week? ~E" _

Yep. I'm so screwed.

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**A/N:**

**Fic Rec: The Hot Corner ****collab by LZTZ and DPattinson **(www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5282136/1/_) **Edward is a hot third baseman, newly traded to the Chicago Cubs and Bella (aka Dodgella) is owner of the same team. Here's the catch, they have a sordid past, but only Bella knows all the details.**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	21. Ch 20: Somatic Response

**A/N:**

**Once again, to my Darling Beta's cclore and PhoenixMP3. Words can't say enough.  
**

**Read the A/N at the bottom for some information.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 20: Somatic Response **

**Edward Cullen POV**

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Checking the time on my iPhone, I realize I need to wrap this shit up and go so I can meet Bella at Blue Ribbon. We finally decided on a potential replacement for Lauren and it's my turn to go over her information before she comes in next week for a trial period. Both Emmett and Jasper have already looked at her file and are fine with it. Me, being the pickiest of the three of us, gets last look. Hopefully, Jasper and Emmett fucking paid attention and caught any bullshit before passing the file to me.

In the beginning stages of _Eclipse_, I would veto practically everyone because they just weren't right. Too talkative, too flirtatious, not strong enough, shifty eyes. Whatever. Staffing _Eclipse_ was getting nowhere fast back then and everyone was on fucking edge about it. They call me picky; I call myself thorough. That is the whole reason why we decided I go last- allowing them to weed out the bullshit and save me the frustration.

Closing the file, I grab my phone and my coat and start to head out the door. I drop the file on Jasper's desk and continue to my car to head to Blue Ribbon.

The drive doesn't take long, but I still fly through the Seattle streets heading to the outskirts of the city to arrive on time. It's early evening on a Friday afternoon; you can never predict traffic at this time. I fucking hate traffic. I don't need to be wielding a kitchen knife with my nerves shot over unnecessary breaking. I was surprised when Bella text me yesterday. I honestly expected her to back out of her own idea to hang out. It's hard to fucking tell with her. One minute she's outgoing and friendly and the next, she's cowering back. Walking fucking contradiction.

Even on the phone, when I called her to talk because I was driving and it's not that easy to text and shift while driving through crowded Seattle streets at lunch time, she would float between assertion and timidity. _What the fuck is that_?

I could hear the wavering in her voice when she answered. She sounded off. Not necessarily scared, more like nervous or anxious. She only got more anxious, the longer the conversation went. I thought she was going to pass out or some shit when I told her I had to check with Jasper and Emmett about Friday night. The disappointment in her voice rang so loudly I thought she was sitting right fucking next to me as I drove to get the Thai food we ordered for lunch.

I told her I would get back to her and then changed the subject, asking her how her author's meeting went the other day. Yes, I remember. My mind is like a steal trap. She told me a little about it. How she was able to get her point across about this 'awful fritatta concoction', her words not mine, that the author wanted to put in the book and that he handled it well. For a brief moment, I wondered what would happen had he not handled it well. I didn't want to think about it, so I refocused on what she was saying. She told me that her boss loved her progress on the project and gave her 'stellar praise', again her words not mine, that morning. By the end of the conversation, Bella was totally at ease and I could even hear her smile over the phone.

I pretty much figured I wouldn't have a problem not being at _Eclipse_ on Friday; especially since Emmett and Jasper are always fucking nagging me to take more time to myself. But I love being at _Eclipse_. It's not a burden to me, nor to them I know. I don't want to change any part of my life.

Late Thursday afternoon, I called Bella to let her know I would go to the class with her. I think we argued for three minutes about whether or not I should pick her up. She shrieked 'no' into the phone the minute I suggested it. She wasn't going to be at work in Seattle, which meant I would need to get her in Forks. Not a problem really. Once my ear drum adjusted to the sound, I just had to laugh at her reaction. I don't see what the fucking big deal was. It's just driving. But when she logically explained to me driving out there to Forks at a terrible traffic time and back to Seattle and then to Forks to take her home again, only to drive home to Seattle for the night, which would be nearly three hours of driving, I let the shit go. I can't lie though; it was funny shit arguing with her. I had to bite back a laugh more than once. Assertive Bella felt like coming out to play.

So we settled on me meeting her at Blue Ribbon instead.

Pulling onto the cobblestone street of Fairview Ave, I slow down just a little because it's a more people packed area. I find a parking spot about two buildings away from the one housing Blue Ribbon and pull into it. The class doesn't start for about fifteen minutes, but I get out anyway and start to walk towards the building. My intention is to wait for Bella to arrive so we can go to the class. Plus, I have no fucking clue where I'm going in this building.

As I get closer to the building, I see Bella's car a few feet away. The sun is starting to set and her lights are still on; the car is still running. There is a light mist coming down, so her windshield wipers are on at a slow pace. I can't really see inside her car from where I am. Her rear and back side windows have a nice tint to them. Not as dark as mine, but dark enough so you need to be right on top of the car to see shit inside.

Slowly, I approach her car being mindful of my steps. I can't be sure why, but I'm a little nervous. Why is she sitting in her car with it on? It's like she parked and never moved. I have no fucking clue what I'm going to see when I get to her window. The not knowing is making me uncomfortable.

I get to the driver's side window and I bend down to look inside; Bella is sitting there with her hands gripping the steering wheel and her head pressed against it. Her hair is back so I can see the side of her face and her neck; she's very pale. I place a quiet knock on her window and she jerks away from the steering wheel, nearly scaring the fucking shit out of me. If we're going to spend time together, we need to work on this scaring the shit out of each other business. It's not fucking healthy. I don't know why it alarmed me. I must have been expecting the worst situation possible. Shaking my head, I look at Bella and examine her face. A light blush starts to creep into her cheeks and down her neck.

"Bella, are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I'm fine. Really. Just a little tired," she says barely above a whisper as she gets out of the car. The blush in her cheeks seems to deepen and she avoids looking at me. She finally turns her gaze to mine and gives me a small smile to assure me that she's fine. I smile back at her and the smile on her face grows impossibly wider before she averts her eyes again. It's fucking amazing.

Laughing, I grab Bella's elbow so she starts to walk with me. "Come on then. We don't want to be late for the first day of class."

I hold the door for Bella to enter first; she looks up at me with a sheepish grin and mumbles a "thank you" as she walks through. I roll my eyes because honestly, who the fuck does she spend time with that she gets embarrassed by doors being held open for her. She had the same reaction when I opened the car door for her when I took her home on Halloween and on Tuesday letting her out of _Eclipse_ and opening her car door for her to get in. Fucking ridiculous. She needs better friends. I know she's spent time with Jasper; I wonder if she's like that with him. I know that fucker holds doors and shit. He probably even lays his jacket out if there's a puddle knowing him.

Walking down the hallway, Bella leads the way. I get the impression that she's been here before as her walk holds determination in each step. She's a few feet in front of me and as she walks, I'm left in the wake of her scent. _Strawberries and lavender_.

I smile to myself as I check my email one last time on my iPhone before the class. No vodka this time. Reaching the class, Bella slows down and goes to grab the door handle, I push forward and grab it for her. Again, a sheepish grin and mumbled thanks. It's not her reaction that gets me; I don't need her to say thank you. This is just the way shit is. I just wish she didn't look so fucking embarrassed and guilty by it. I can't pinpoint why, but it fucking annoys the shit out of me.

Bella and I enter the classroom and make our way over to the coat rack area. I motion for her to turn around so I can help her remove her coat. Timidly, she does as I suggest. I grab the collar of her coat and start to remove it, my hands make contact with her neck and I feel the same jolt that I felt at dinner at her house, but this time it's stronger. It's fucking weird and I almost drop her coat in the moment. In front of me, I see Bella's body shiver and I wonder if she's cold, but when she looks at me, her face is flushed a healthy pink and I know she isn't shivering from the cold. _Could she have felt that too_?

Our eyes lock for a moment and I take the opportunity to take in the full sight of Bella. Her slender legs, that I noticed when we were walking down the hall, are enhanced by her boots- subtly feminine, but the blue of her sweater is what really catches my eye. Everything about her is enhanced by that color. The pale of her neck, the brown hues in her eyes, the pink of her cheeks and lips. I smile at her as I hang up my own coat because I can't fucking help it.

"First time?" I hear a voice on my other side call out. I turn to look and don't recognize the person talking. I smile at her weakly and nod my head.

"Yeah. First time."

"Are you here alone?" she asks with a sly smirk. _And here goes the bullshit_.

"Nope," I say, motioning to Bella. I turn to look at her over my shoulder and I can see she's tying an apron on. I feel a smile pull at my face at the sight. Esme always wears an apron when she cooks too. I never do. That shit is too girly for me.

"Oh, that's too bad," the bottle blonde leans in and whispers in my ear, "I bet you simmer in the kitchen." I feel my entire body get chills in repulsion.

_Is she fucking kidding me_? _Wait. Am I fucking kidding myself? _This girl is basically throwing herself at me. I could take her right now and fuck her in front of all these people and we'd both enjoy it. _So why does that thought make me want to hurl all over my boots?_

The blonde turns to walk away and I turn back to Bella, noticing the front of her apron. It's covered in pasta and it's Italian themed. I notice the green, red, and white stripes near the top and I can't help but smirk. To my knowledge, Bella isn't Italian, but then I don't know a fucking thing about her really.

"Ready? You weren't wearing that a moment ago."

"I just put it on while you were talking. Alice got it for me about two years ago when she went to Italy for school. I don't think she realized I could just as easily buy this online, but it's the thought that counts."

I chuckle lightly at her story; she seems to have relaxed some which is fucking great. I start to make my way over to one of the chef stations and Bella follows quickly behind. I can hear her tiny feet scampering on the tile.

"So based on your apron, I guess you like pasta?" I ask after we've sat down for a moment.

"Mhmm. It's my favorite," Bella responds with a satisfied smile, clearly displaying her love of pasta through her expression.

"So why this class, then? Do you actually need to learn something or is it just for kicks?" I watch her and await her response. I know Bella can cook. Alice talks about it all the fucking time. And Jasper gloats on how well fed he is when he comes from staying the night there. And by gloats, I mean he fucking rubs it in. And the fucking risotto...

"Well. Uhm...lobster ravioli is something I have never been able to master. It gives me the most trouble."

That is very interesting. Her risotto is perfetto, but lobster ravioli stumps her. "Is it the pasta or the lobster?"

"It's, well. The combination of both I guess. I can make pasta just fine. And I cook lobster. But together, it doesn't come out well. It's always a sticky, soggy mess."

Just at that moment, Chef Carey calls us to attention and thank fuck because after Bella's comment about sticky, soggy messes, my mind goes straight to the fucking gutter and who the hell knows what would come out of my mouth next.

Chef Carey lays out some instructions, reminds us of the time frame and goes puttering around the room; his round stomach leading the way.

We start with mixing the flour and water to make the dough and kneading it to the appropriate softness. As I drizzle some more flour into the pliable mound of softness in my hands, I hear Bella humming next to me. I'm not sure what she's humming because it's very soft and almost inaudible, but I hear it. Every now and then she stops abruptly and out of the corner of my eye I'll glance at her and notice her watching me or staring into space and then she'll get back into yielding the dough and humming.

Eventually we start talking while we handle the dough. Small talk really, seemingly insignificant shit. I can't help but smile when Bella goes into an explanation of her hatred for reality tv. How _Survivor_ is the worst thing to ever happen to television and MTV and VH1 should be forced from the air for the "crap they offer." She feels very strongly that if network television stations are going to continue to offer such "dribble" then they should have their free status revoked and be forced to be a subscription service like HBO. It's very amusing to watch as her flour covered hands fly above her head and her ponytail sways in violent agreement.

Changing the subject, I ask Bella about how she learned to cook. From her behavior, I know she enjoys it so I figure it's a safe and neutral topic. But when I look at her face, I can tell I am wrong in thinking that. Bella is frozen stiff with a look of pain on her face. I want to ask her about it, but something tells me to shut the fuck up and move on.

Thinking fast, I decide to tell her about how Emmett set the floor in the lounge on fire on Halloween. When I got the call Sunday morning after having just fallen asleep, I was fucking pissed. But now, close to a week later, that shit is kind of funny. Apparently Bella thinks so too because she's relaxed again and laughing as I tell her the story. I can't help but laugh and smile with her; I feel compelled.

Just as I'm about to continue the story, Chef Carey comes over to our station to check on the progress. "You need to keep kneading the dough Ms. Swan or it will get hard." Bella nods her head slowly and she goes back to kneading her dough, no longer smiling. I feel a low growl start to rumble in my chest, directed at Chef Carey. Caught off guard by my own reaction, I reign it in and try and snap out of it. _What the fuck is that about?_

"How did you get into cooking, Edward?"

"Hm?" I recognize Bella is talking, but I can't be sure what she said. I'm too busy trying to get my shit under control.

"Cooking? How did you get into it?"

"Oh. My mom. I spent a lot of time with my mom when I was a little shit. It's something we did together and it kind of stuck with me." Thinking about cooking with my mom serves as a good distraction from my current frame of mind.

"And you still cook? Even now?" Bella asks with a hint of disbelief.

"You sound surprised, again."

"I know. It's just. Well. Please don't take this the wrong way, but it's just that most guys can't cook or would never admit to cooking. Look around the room; besides Chef Carey and you, there is one other guy. And you're admitting that you can and that you like it. It's too good to be true," her voice starts to trail off. I hear her whisper the last part, about too good to be true. It's almost wistful, hopeful. Another fucking enigmatic piece of Bella.

"Yeah, even now. Not as often as I should or I'd like to, like I told you the other day. Esme would fucking kill me if she knew more about my current eating habits."

Truthfully, Esme would kick my ass if she knew more about my eating habits. I just don't have time and when I do, I don't feel like cooking for one. It's a fucking waste of food. Esme would tell me to freeze it, but that's some family shit. That is not bachelor behavior. Her solution is to either come over and cook the shit out of my kitchen or invite me to dinner and stuff my trunk with leftovers. It's a compromise I can live with.

The lobsters have finally cooled and just as I'm about to break into mine, Bella lets out a squeal next to me. I jolt my attention from my lobster to Bella and see that she has squirted herself in the face with lobster juice and it has now started to drip down her cheek and towards her chin. It's a white, milky color and while her reaction to it hitting her in the face is cute, the dripping fluid disgusts me.

It reminds me of something else, something less amusing. And the idea of someone defiling Bella by spraying her in the face with cum makes me want to hide her indoors away from anyone that would threaten such a fucking vile offense. My own reaction startles me, but I don't have time to measure the weight of my thoughts right now. Where this protective shit comes from, I don't know.

Before she can even react, I reach over and wipe the lobster juice from her face with my towel. Bella smiles at me and my detrimental thoughts about holding her captive are erased from my mind.

"I swear, Bella, your last name should be Murphy. No one else got lobster juice in their face."

It's time to chop the lobster meat and mix it in with the ravioli stuffing. This part is fairly quick and Bella and I fill pasta pots with water and set them on the stove to let the water boil. Moving back to the station, we start to fill the individual ravioli sheets. Setting some of the stuffing in the center of a square, topping that square with one of equal size and making sure the edges are aligned. Then press the edges together and the final step is to run the brush over the edges with an egg wash before setting them off to the side to set. Again, she's humming. I wonder if she even realizes she hums when she cooks. I wonder what song that is. I can't place it.

"I have a feeling you've done this before," Bella says.

"Once or twice." I turn to look at her and see her watching me. I give her a wink before I turn back to the project at hand.

I grab a bowl of the lobster water from the warm pot on the stove and pass it to Bella so she can work on her sauce since she chose the seafood based cream sauce. Again, avoiding a potential accident. I chose the truffle sauce so I start to cut the truffles and then toss them into the saute pan with the unsalted butter, white wine, shallots, and a little fresh garlic. As the sauce simmers, I squeeze a freshly sliced lemon in the mixture as well. To my left, I see Bella add her ingredients to her warmed sauce pan and turn the heat down allowing the ingredients to mull together.

"Ready to do the ravioli?" I ask her over the sounds of our respective sauces cooking.

I grab our plates of ravioli and notice the carefree way that Bella has placed hers on her plate. Much more relaxed than her normally tense state of mind from what I can tell. I hand Bella her plate of ravioli and she leans the plate over the pot to dump them in.

"No, no, Bella. Shit. Not like that. Like this," I say, moving quickly to take over and show her how it should be done. Instinctively, I wrap one arm around her shoulder, holding her close, as she holds the plate in front of her. "You should drop each ravioli in one at a time, give it a second to get wet and acclimate to the heat of the water. Otherwise, if you dump them all in, they seek each other out and get stuck to one another."

I take my time to do this with a few of her ravioli before letting her go and moving back to my own ravioli. As I walk back to my place, I think I hear a strained noise come from Bella's direction, but when I look at her she seems fine. Sort of flushed, but she has on that sweater in this hot kitchen, over a steaming pot of water so the flush is a natural thing.

Shortly after, I start to strain both mine and Bella's ravioli. The important thing with fresh ravioli is that it does not need to boil very long, especially when the lobster is precooked. Bella smiles at me as I place her ravioli next to her sauce pan and says thank you in a less timid manner. Smiling my way back to the sink, I grab my own ravioli to wrap this up.

I start to layer the ravioli into my sauce and when I look to Bella, I notice she is doing the same. I smile at her, nodding. I know that Bella doesn't need my approval, but I can't help but give it. The fact that she paid attention to what I told her about layering in the ravioli causes me to smile. Looking back at Bella, I see she is smiling too, which only makes my smile bigger. _Shit_.

After plating our food, we move back to our stations and sit down to enjoy it. While we were cooking I noticed that Bella and I both prefer to clean as we cook. So while everyone else is scurrying around cleaning as their ravioli gets cold, Bella and I can taste our food while it's still hot and then clean up the remaining items shortly after.

Taking a bite of my ravioli, I have to sigh in enjoyment. It's so damn good. I love truffles and I always forget that until I eat something with truffles.

"How is it?" Bella asks.

"It's fucking fantastic. Want a taste?" I respond, gesturing to my plate. Bella nods and I pick up a ravioli with my fork and start to lead it towards her mouth. About halfway there I realize that I'm moving to feed her. Maybe this is inappropriate or maybe she fucking hates shit like that. I'm about to retract my arm when Bella's mouth opens to receive what I'm pushing towards her. Forgetting my previous thoughts, I continue to move the fork in her direction. Bella wraps her lips around the fork and I feel her jaw clench as she bites the ravioli. I remove the fork from her sealed lips and she hums at the taste as her eyes roll back. She likes it. And my dick is immediately hard. I've been trying to ignore it all night, but I can't now. Not after the mouth and the humming and the eye rolling. Bella swallows and oh fuck! The motion of her throat. She opens her eyes to look at me; I know I'm dancing on the edge of a precipice at this point. One that I never intended to go near. I stare back at her, not sure what to say or do right now. I don't trust my brain; it already gave way to the head in my lap.

Bella does the same to me, lifting a ravioli to my mouth gesturing for me to try it. I notice a slight shaking of her hand that accompanies her blushed cheeks. I open my mouth to allow her fork entrance. I chew her ravioli and it's fucking delicious. I could eat it all night. The seafood cream sauce meshes really well with the cheeses mixed in the ravioli stuffing. I watch Bella as I chew and she takes her fork and lifts it to her mouth, inserting it and removing any residual sauce that may have been left behind by my mouth. _My fucking mouth. She just fucking sucked on the fork that was in my mouth. Holy shit. I'm fucking done_.

I try; I struggle to be normal with my _friend_ Bella. "See, Bella. Nothing but firm and delicious. You just needed the right person to show you." I try to be normal and I fucking say that. _Fucking great_.

Before I can make anymore of an ass out of myself, Chef Carey starts his fucking rambling again. Some shit about future classes and parking. I'm not listening to be honest. When he finishes, I move to clean up the last of our pots and Bella takes our plates and utensils, setting them in the dishwasher. She also packs our ravioli to go.

It's so hot in this fucking kitchen, I need to get the hell out. Moving to the coat rack, I help Bella remove her apron by pulling the strings and watching as they fall. I help her slide on her coat again, making contact with her skin. This time, the shock to my system is almost too much to handle and I snap my hands back away from the source. I still don't understand this shit and in my current state of mind, it freaks me out even more. It only happens when I touch her, but the skin contact is the most intense. And it seems to be growing in intensity. I shove my coat on and we make our way to the exit.

Stepping outside is a welcome relief. The cold air feels like heaven compared to the heat in that kitchen. Walking next to Bella, we're both silent. The funny thing is, it's not at all awkward or uncomfortable. It just is. I reflect on the class. I really had fun. It's not something I usually do, but I had a good time anyway. And Bella is...well...

"Shit, Bella. Are you okay?" I say as I grab her waist and pull her close to stop her from falling. I swear, I don't know how she manages to trip on fucking air.

She nods her head and I feel her relax in my arms, all tension bracing her for the fall seeping out of her muscles. I move around to stand in front of her, examining her face for any signs of distress.

"What the fuck am I going to do with you?"

"Lucky for me, you were here to catch me, again," Bella says with a smile. It reminds me of the time I caught her in the hallway at her house and then again on Halloween before she dead fell to the floor. I can't help but wonder if we've set a pattern for ourselves. I know she doesn't do this intentionally. Alice talks about Bella's clumsiness and I vaguely remember her bumping into shit in high school.

I hold her arm as we walk the last few feet to her car, telling myself that I just don't want her to fall again and not be fast enough to catch her. I hold the car door open for her as she leans in and sets her stuff on the passenger seat, showing me a nice view of her ass. _Shit! Here I go again_.

"Did you have fun, Bella?" I ask, trying to focus on something else. Plus, I'm pretty sure she had a good time. I just need to be sure.

"Yes. Very much. Thank you for coming with me."

"Thank you for inviting me. Are you alright to get home?"

"I'll be fine. The drive isn't really that long."

So it's time to say goodbye and I have no fucking clue how this shit works. Usually it's just the guys and we just kinda go our separate ways. And if there are girls, I hardly ever say goodbye at this point. I'm usually end up forcing them out of my apartment or wherever I end up fucking them. Thinking back, other than Alice, I don't think I've ever been friends with a girl who I am not related to. I'm clearly out of my fucking element and out of my damn mind.

Bella and I are just standing here with very little space between us. I can see and hear her breath and the rise and fall of her chest. On impulse, I pull her into a soft hug. Surprisingly, or maybe not, she moves into my arms willingly. Timidly, she wraps her arms around my waist, clasping her hands across my lower back and takes a deep breath before settling her head against my chest. Shit! I don't want to move. She just fucking fits here. Shit! I'm pretty sure I'm fucked. I can't help my physical reaction to her. A reaction I never intended or wanted. No pre-meditation involved. It's just happening.

I lean back a little and so does Bella. I can't look into her eyes; I refuse. Instead, I place a small kiss on her forehead and almost fall back at the sensation to my face. _Could it be her? Is she the source of that feeling? That shock_?

I release Bella and watch as she slinks down into her seat. "Have a good night, Bella," I say as I shut the door. Bella looks up at me and I can't fully read her expression in the soft street lights under the darkened sky, but she looks fucking sad from what I can tell. Not knowing what to say or do, I let her go.

Watching her drive away, I know that I want to hang out with Bella again. But doing what? And when the fuck am I going to find the time? And just fucking why?

I can't tomorrow or Sunday. Saturday is the busiest night at _Eclipse_ and Jasper is out tomorrow so I said I'd stay. Sunday there is a lot of prep for the coming week with the potential new hire coming in and attempting to learn the ropes. Plus, there are three private parties happening this week. And that shit is a lot of fucking work.

Then I agreed to go over to Emmett's on the one night this week that the three of us are not needed at _Eclipse_ to help him with the wheel mounts on Rosalie's engagement present. And I'll be in Forks all weekend with my parents since my aunt Renata is coming into town. I'll have some time open Saturday afternoon, but what the fuck is there to do in Forks other than going to the diner or seeing a second rate movie? Even though we both enjoy movies, I don't want to do that shit.

I stand there for a minute before I head back to my car, still trying to think of something to do. From this experience alone, I figure Bella likes different activities. She's not the kind of girl you can really peg into a mold- the opposite of ordinary. Annoyed because I can't think of anything and annoyed because I can't really figure out why I give a fuck, I drive home to my condo in a blur.

I step into my apartment as my phone rings.

"Hi, mom."

"Hi, sweetie. Are you okay? You sound so down."

"I'm fine. It's been a long day."

"Alright, if you're sure. I'm calling to let you know the final details for your aunt's flight. You can still get her from the airport right?"

"Yeah. That's not a problem. I planned for it."

Esme relays to me my aunt's flight itinerary and starts to tell me what she plans on cooking over the weekend. Asking me if I want to help. I interject here and there, letting her know I'll be there if she wants me to help.

"And I was thinking that we could all go to the Forks Apple Farm and pick some fresh apples for a delightful pie. You know they're having that festival on the weekends this month."

"Wait, what?"

"Edward, were you listening?"

"Yes," I lied. I know. It's bad, but it's better than the truth right now. "I just got confused over the apple stuff."

"I was saying that we could go to the Forks Apple Farm and pick apples for a pie that we could have for dessert. They are having a festival every weekend this month."

"Uhm, how about I do that for you while you, Aunt Renata and Maria are looking at the wedding stuff?"

"Are you sure? You haven't been apple picking since you were a boy."

"Yes, mom. I'm sure. How difficult can it be?"

"Okay, grazie, caro_. _That gives us more time with wedding plans."

We talk for a little while longer before she hangs up to run off and do whatever with my father since I heard him kissing her through the phone. _Fucking gross_.

Immediately, I grab my phone to text Bella.

_"Go to the apple picking festival with me next week? ~E" _

When Esme mentioned it over the phone, it seemed perfect. It sounds like something Bella would like. Plus, it's in Forks; she lives in Forks and I'll be in Forks. It makes logical sense. I already know Bella responds well to logic. I just hope she wants to hang out again. After the sad look on her face when she left, I can't be sure. That fucking kills me because I am always sure.

I'm about to head to the bathroom and hop in the shower when my phone vibrates on the counter top where I left it.

_"Yes. When?~B"_

I smile at her response. "_Yes. When?_" She must be into the idea of hanging out again to say yes without knowing any details.

_"Next Saturday. Pick you up at 1 and I won't take no for an answer.~E"_

I have no intentions of getting into a fucking debate about picking her up again. Besides, this is the logical way.

_"Okay, then. Come and get me at 1. I'll be ready and waiting.~B"  
_

Fuck! I definitely need that shower now.

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**A/N  
I intended to do the apple festival this chapter, but Edward had other ideas.**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	22. Ch 21: Tree of Knowledge

**A/N:**

**cclore and PhoenixMP3, I love you both even though you are just as crazy and insatiable as the reviewers. ;o) Thanks for sticking with me and putting up with my shit.**

There are several songs this chapter, so I thought I should list them.

**Songs Featured:**

_Jay-Z- Dirt Off Your Shoulder_

_Antonio Vivaldi- Four Seasons, Autumn Adagio Molto_

_311- All Mixed Up_

_Carolina Liar- Show Me What I'm Looking For (overall chapter song)_

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

**

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**

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 21: Tree of Knowledge **

**Bella Swan POV**

**

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**

_"Go to the apple picking festival with me next week?~E"  
_

I sit down on my bed and stare down at my phone. My hands start to shake. My first reaction is to shout 'yes' at the top of my lungs, but how eager is that? Besides, he can't hear me if I shout. Taking a few deep breaths, I decide a short response will suffice.

_"Yes. When?~B"_

I wait for his response and anxiety is the name of the game warring in my head. It's a battlefield of doubt, fear and hope. Doubt is winning. Not just doubt in him, but doubt in myself. I have no idea how or why I feel what I feel. Feeling things I never wanted to feel again. Fear sets in at the probability of utter heartbreak again. I don't think my heart can take a third fissure; I know it can't. I'd surely die. But if we're just _friends_, then it won't be a problem. _Right_?

_"Next Saturday. Pick you up at 1 and I won't take no for an answer.~E"_

I smile at his playful force. I like it. I know he doesn't mean it in a demanding way and he's probably just securing his station as driver since I thwarted his gesture to pick me up for the cooking class. In the short time I've had with Edward, I can tell he's commander of his surroundings. Still smiling, I text him back.

_"Okay, then. Come and get me at 1. I'll be ready and waiting.~B"_

I watch as the send bar scrolls across the screen. 'Oh no!' I think, re-reading my response. That text is laden with innuendo and I can't believe my brain conjured it up. Is that something one ordinarily says to a _friend_? Granted, an absolutely gorgeous friend that renders me senseless with the lightest touch, but still a friend nonetheless. I need to get some kind of control over my thoughts. Apparently my brain filter is on the fritz.

I flop back into my pillows, covering my eyes with my left hand and gripping my iPhone in my right. I can't be sure how long I laid here running over my day in my mind when my phone rings that familiar song.

"Hi, Ali."

_"Isabella Marie Swan, why have you not called me?"_

"Uhm. Sorry?" I mumble out as more of a question than a statement.

_"Hmph. So did you have fun? You made it home okay, right? It's like 11 o'clock, Bella."_

I sit straight up and look at the clock. I got home around nine. It's been two hours.

"Oh, sorry. I lost track of time. You're not coming back tonight right?"

_"Well, I won't get back to Forks until around eight. Breakfast at the diner?"_

"Sure, I'll meet you there."

_"Great! I want to hear all about your date with Edward."_ I can hear her clapping and grinning through the phone.

"It wasn't a date, Ali."

_"Yeah. Okay. Whatever. I still wanna hear about it. See you at eight."_ Alice makes a kissing noise through the phone and hangs up.

**~F&FS~  
**

Settling into our regular booth, I order two coffees from the regular waitress, Chelsea, and wait for Alice to arrive. Sure enough, at eight on the dot, Alice comes strolling through the door. It amazes me how on very little sleep and after a long drive, she can still look so perfect...

"Hi, Bella." She bounces over to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders.

...and be so perky.

I just smile and shake my head at her.

"What?" Alice asks, noticing my reaction.

"Nothing. It just never ceases to amaze me how you always look so perfect."

"Oh, it's a gift really," she says with a laugh. "You just have to learn what works for you and go with it."

I take a sip of my coffee watching Alice over the rim as she peruses the menu. She does this every time, but we always order the same thing. I always order the french toast with home fries and she orders the pancakes with a side of egg whites. And then we share.

"So, how was your event last night?"

"Oh no, Bella. We can talk about that later. I want to hear about your date with Edward Cullen," Alice pipes in, effectively cutting me off.

"It wasn't a date, Ali. I told you. It was just two friends hanging out," I say with a sigh.

Alice quirks a perfectly shaped brow at me as if to say '_Well_?' and I can't help the involuntary smile that spreads across my face which I try to hide with my coffee mug. Sadly, Alice is just too observant and perceptive and notices.

"It was good then, huh?" I nod in response and Alice squeaks and bounces in her seat. "So? Deets? Come on, I'm dying here."

I have to laugh softly at her enthusiasm; it's contagious. All of a sudden I feel like I'm back in high school or like girls on TV in high school, gushing over a boy.

"It's so hard to describe. It was awkward and relaxed and funny and tense and comfortable and fun; all at the same time. How is it possible to be all of those things?"

"It depends on the person I guess. I feel a lot of different things with Jasper."

"Yeah, but you love him and he loves you."

"Mmhmm," she says in response as she sips on her coffee some more. Just then, Chelsea brings our plates over and sets them down. She asks us if we need anything else at the moment, we say no and she walks away. "So tell me more."

I tell Alice everything. I tell her about my mild freak out in the car and how Edward showed up just as I was thinking about going home. I tell her about the electricity when he touched me while he helped me take off my coat and the increased intensity later on when he helped me put it back on. Smiling and feeling happy at Edward's approval of my use of his ravioli technique. When I tell her how Edward asked me about learning to cook and how I tensed up, she reaches across the table and grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. And then I tell her how Edward quickly changed the subject and told me about Emmett's flame thrower accident, which sent me into rolls of laughter and took my mind off of it. She smiles and says that Edward is very good at sensing my reactions. I just look at her, puzzled.

I tell her about how he holds doors, carries heavy pots of boiling water and wipes lobster juice from my face. How at first, the chivalrous behavior caught me off guard and made me a little uncomfortable because it's not something I am really used to experiencing. Mike may have held the door for me once in our relationship. In the few times that I have been with Jasper he has been the perfect gentleman, but I always assumed it was him mimicking his behavior with Alice. Alice frowns and tells me to enjoy it. She also says that if I ever meet Carlisle Cullen, I'll understand Edward. I remember Dr. Cullen vaguely. He was the doctor who treated me the night my parents were murdered. But I don't think I have seen him since. I know _of_ him. I know of his reputation for perfection and his quiet ease with patients, but my personal interaction with him is very limited.

I tell her about how I found myself thinking things I never thought I would be capable of. The way his eyes are so intense and the wonder of his smile. I even tell her how I admired his jeans as he walked in front of me. She assures me that Edward has learned what works for him and goes with it. That his jeans really do just look that good on him. That makes me appreciate Diesel or Citizens or all the other twenty jeans designers Alice mentions even more. I explain how watching Edward cook was probably the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I cover my mouth at my outburst. Alice laughs quietly and I feel the blush creep in my cheeks.

As I get closer to telling her about the end of the night, I realize that the blush might permanently stain my cheeks.

I tell her about the heated moment when we shared ravioli and without thinking I licked the fork that I had just placed in his mouth. How watching him enjoy the food I made sent my mind on a whirlwind. I try to explain in as many words as possible how sitting under his heated gaze made me squirm, but it's hard to express, as I have never felt anything like it before. I'm not even sure what his look meant.

"So how did it end?" Alice asks, eager for more details.

"We walked out of the class and Edward walked me to my car. I tripped, of course, and he stopped me from falling."

"How?"

"Can I tell the story please? You're making this harder with your interruptions."

"I'm sorry. I'm just so...okay. Never mind. Go on."

"He somehow managed to grab me around the waist and stopped me from tumbling forward by pulling me into him. It was so fluid and so natural. I was stunned really. I thought for sure I would face plant, but I didn't. Then we continued to my car and he pulled me close for a hug. Ali, he smells so damn good! Like leather and mint and vanilla and...something unexplainable. And he's so warm. Instinctively, I just snuggled into his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. I didn't even think about it. He tightened his grip a little before kissing my forehead and then I left."

"You left? That's it? No future plans or anything?" Alice huffs and sits back into her side of the booth, arms limp at her sides in defeat.

"I know, I thought the same thing. I was so disappointed driving away. I freaked out nearly the entire drive. I freaked out because I was disappointed and then I freaked out for feeling disappointed. Does that make sense? No. Probably not. It's just that I shouldn't have been disappointed. That's stupid. Then when I got home, he text me."

"Oooh! Let me see! I know you still have it. You save all your text messages." Alice reaches across the table and grabs my iPhone. Reading the text conversation, she giggles a little and finally lets out a gasp. "Oh my God, Bella. Did you really text that to him? _'Come and get me at 1. I'll be ready and waiting?'"_

"I know! I have no idea what came over me. It was like that in class. I made comments about being all hot and wet or sticky, soggy messes. But he's not any better."

"Well, Edward oozes sex, Bella. I'm not surprised those things come from his mouth."

I get caught on the first part of her statement, "Edward oozes sex." _He sure does_.

"Hello? Earth to Bella?" Alice is waving my phone to try and get my attention. "So you still think it's not a date?"

"Obviously. We're just friends hanging out."

"Bella, do you not hear yourself? You are smitten with him. I've known you my entire life and I have never seen you blush so intensely or be this excited about _anything_. Not beating out Jane for valedictorian in high school, not getting into NYU on scholarship, not the night you came crashing into my bedroom having made the perfect pie crust, not even buying your first car."

I look down at my plate and start to push the remaining french toast around in the pooling syrup on my plate. It's quiet for a moment and I know Alice is waiting for me to crack the silence. "Alice, I can't. I...I just can't."

"What, Bella? What can't you?"

"I can't feel this. I can't like him, want him as anything more than friends and even that scares me. I just can't. What could he possibly want with me more than sex?" I whisper with a shudder. The idea of sex still makes me nervous. I feel myself starting to coil inward, hiding from the events of Friday night. "It's crippling. The fear. The feelings. I can't do it."

"Bella? Have you ever considered confronting Mike? Turning him in? Pressing charges?"

"Yeah. I've thought about it," I say, looking up at her, "but do you remember that car accident Mike caused back in college or the club fire at Tonic East that night that he was supposedly nowhere near there? How things like that just seem to happen and then disappear? I know his family has something to do with it. They throw money at everything. They offered to buy me a car and pay for my grad school education if I wanted it. I've always been afraid that if I came forward with any of the stuff he's done or if I tried to leave him that they'd make me disappear or buy off whatever official."

"I thought there was only the one time?" Alice says, puzzled.

"Yes. Well. And the rough night after that double date. But hindsight is 20/20 and I chose to ignore what was right in front of me I guess," I say with a defeated shrug of my shoulders. "Besides, I thought I was in love with him. I know now that I wasn't. I still take ownership for what happened to me, but I know now that Mike wasn't the one. I no longer think that's an option for me."

I look at Alice and she wears a pained look on her face. "He's out there, Bella. Closer than you think I bet. But I understand you're in pain and you're hurting. I think it's natural how you feel, but none of this is your fault. Mike is a wolf in sheep's clothing. You're never going back to him. You need to find the strength to let him go and live your life. People like me, Jasper, Angela, Edward, Emmett, my parents and others that will enter your life can help you with that. Now, no more pouting. I have no idea what I'm going to dress you in for apple picking but I have the perfect boots in mind. I'll pick them up for you next week."

"Alice, I am not wearing heels, wedges, platforms or any other treacherous footwear to crawl over tree roots."

"Please, Bella. Give me some credit. I'm reasonable."

"Hardly," I snicker in response.

With that, we settle into lighter conversation and Alice tells me about her event from the night before. I listen intently as my mind occasionally ponders the idea that it will be a week until I see Edward again. The thought makes me anxious; I have no idea why. Maybe I'm starting to live my life as Alice has suggested.

**~F&FS~  
**

_Laying in a meadow, the sun shines down and warms my skin from the crisp air. My hair fans out over the grass as I play with my fingers in the blades. Closing my eyes, I hum a quiet melody to myself when the grass I am laying on becomes more firm and I feel soft tugs on my tendrils. I sit up slightly and realize that Edward has now replaced the grass and my head is laying on his chest, my body perpendicular to his as he lightly strokes my hair that fans across his torso. His humming is now mixed with mine. I feel content, relaxed, peaceful._

_The sun starts to shrink behind the clouds and a shadow falls over the meadow. A chill resonates throughout my body as the warmth from the sun disappears. Suddenly, the light tugs on my hair turn harsh and Edward's humming has turned into a cackle. I try to sit up, to move, but the pull on my hair is very strong._

_"Where do you think you're going?" a menacing voice speaks up._

_I manage to turn my head slightly and see that it's no longer Edward's long and elegant fingers playfully tangled in my hair, but rather Mike's chubbier, brittle nailed hands holding a firm grasp._

_"Please," I strangle out, still trying to pull away._

_"I don't fucking think so, Bella." Mike grabs my hair and forces me to the ground, leering over me._

_"Please, no! Stop!" I scream out as loud as I can. I'm in the middle of a darkened meadow, but Edward was just here right? He'll hear me and come back. "Please!" I cry out again. _

"Bella, please. Bella! Wake up. Bella!"

My eyes fly open and I see Alice hovering over me. She strokes my hair a little, examining my face to make sure I'm awake.

"Again?" I ask her.

"Yes, sweetie. Again. The screams were pretty bad this time. It was another Mike dream."

"How do you know?"

"When you dream about Mike, you almost always say 'please' and 'stop'. The screams are shrill and high pitched. When you dream about your parents, you cry and whimper more. And 'why' is your word of choice," Alice summarizes.

I just flop my head back into my pillows and glance over at my clock. It's three-thirty in the morning. It has been like this all week. Alternating nightmares. Jagged sleep. Waking up at godawful hours before the sun rises, before any normal functioning person needs to be awake.

My interrupted sleep is starting to get to me. I've been a little more crabby at work, especially during the afternoon hours. Having to drink more caffeine than normal just to stay alert. By Wednesday afternoon, Angela just started bringing me coffee or sending an admin on a run every hour.

Jasper came over for dinner on Thursday and noted that I was looking a little more pale than usual and then immediately apologized for being insensitive when I told him I was having trouble sleeping. He didn't stay over that night, but I think he intended to. I was happy that he was heading back to Seattle though; I made enough food for him to take back to Edward and Emmett. I just figure they can benefit from a home cooked meal every now and then. Edward told me how he doesn't cook often. Who knows what Emmett eats? Probably steak every night based on the size of him and that's not good for the heart.

Even Alice's lullaby, my childhood teddy bear that is now threadbare, and my card from the guys are not as effective. The Ambien is helping me fall asleep, but not stay that way.

"Do you want me to stay?" Alice asks, eying me closely.

"Yeah. Can you just talk to me until I fall asleep?"

"Sure, scoot over. I'll tell you about the fitting disaster I had today."

Alice settles in to tell me about the bridal party she was fitting earlier. The bridezilla insisted on her ten completely different proportioned bridesmaids all wear the same exact dress in the same unflattering color of chartreuse. Alice is both amused and frustrated at the project. Swearing to me that when she gets married, I can choose my own style of dress. I know she's either crazy or just trying to cheer me up. I know for a fact she will tell me what cut of dress looks best on me and I'll be expected to go with it. Before long, my eyes start to drift closed again and I hear the familiar lullaby that has lulled me to sleep so many times before.

"Balenciaga, Burberry, Coach..."

"Dior, Ferragamo, Gucci..."

"Louboutin, Marc Jacobs, Nicole Miller..."

"Sue Wong, Valentino, William Rast..."

**~F&FS~  
**

I anxiously wait for Edward's arrival. Sitting at the bay window in the hallway, I can't stop my feet from bouncing against the floor. The interrupted sleep, the nightmares, the overload of caffeine and the anticipation for today has set my already fragile state of being on edge. Admittedly though, I feel better today than I have all week.

I hear Edward pull up to the house almost instantly; the sound of the gravel under his tires is already a familiar sound. Alice bounds down the stairs and hops over to the door, whipping it open just as he rings the bell.

"Edward!" Alice screeches as she lunges at him, placing a small kiss on his chin.

"Hi, Ali," Edward says with a chuckle and bends down to kiss her cheek before settling into a small talk conversation.

I cringe and feel my jaw clench as I look on. Again, feeling things I should not feel. I'm familiar with this feeling- jealousy. I felt it many times as a child, watching my classmates and their parents or siblings. Feeling it when other girls got asked to go to prom and I ended up at home; it's not like I can dance anyway. I felt it the day that girl Kim basically cornered me in Starbucks to divulge her sex games with Edward. And I feel it now, watching my best friend interact with him. Why? It's stupid. She has Jasper. I'm just being a stupid girl.

I step closer to them and Edward looks up to see me over Alice's head. His face lights up with a smile and it's possible that my heart just fluttered in my chest. Or maybe it's just the caffeine induced, increased heart rate that is bound to be the death of me.

"Hey, Bella."

I smile; I can't help it. Images of a peaceful meadow flood my brain. "Hi."

"Ready to go?" he asks, still smiling. Maybe if he stops smiling, I can think straight. I seriously need to get some control.

"Sure," I nod and make my way towards him and the door.

"Uh, Bella. It's a little misty out and definitely cold," Alice starts, "don't you think you should get a coat or parka or something?"

"I'll be fine," I grind out more harshly than I mean to. Alice narrows her eyes at me before pivoting on her toes and heading down the hall towards her studio. I look at Edward and he's not smiling that brilliant, dazzling smile anymore. Rather, he's studying my face and looks utterly confused. I continue towards the door and he backs out, allowing me to close it behind me.

The car ride to Forks Apple Farm is fairly quiet. I feel like a petulant brat so I mentally berate myself for my childish behavior. Edward doesn't say anything; he just drives silently and let's the music play, the operatic sounds of Vivaldi coming through his speakers. When we got in the car at the house and he turned it on, Jay-Z came blaring through the speakers. I was surprised when he pressed some keys on his steering wheel and the iPod changed to Vivaldi. Such a drastic contrast if I've ever seen one. And I never pegged Edward for a classical music guy.

By the time we arrive at Forks Apple Farms, my mood is much improved. I'm no longer glowering in the corner and I feel far more relaxed. That is, until we get to the gates and I remember that the last time I came here, I had a panic attack. Probably one of the most embarrassing days of my life.

_It was the eighth grade and we were taking a field trip to the farm to learn about harvesting apples. Prior to this trip, I had not been to the farm since the deaths of my parents. The panic attack occurred when we were in the farm house watching the juicing process. At the time, I recalled coming here with my parents and mom telling dad that she was going to start making our own apple juice instead of buying the high sugar content value from the store. This was just after my sixth birthday, the year before they died. I freaked out in front of my entire class. The walls of the farm closed in on me and my chest constricted, leaving me breathless. Luckily, the farm had a doctor on site that could tend to me while we waited for the ambulance to come and get me. Alice rode with me along with one of the teachers. She refused to leave my side; luckily she was so small that there was just enough room for her. I stayed home from school for the rest of the week. When I went back to school, only a few kids teased me for my major freak out. But it was enough to keep me from the farm since. _

Now sitting here in the car with Edward, I can't believe I forgot about that.

"Bella?" Edward coaxes me out of my memory by calling my name. I turn to look at him, giving him a small smile. "Are you okay? You look pale. More pale than usual that is."

"I'm fine, really. I just remembered something. About my parents." As I move to open the door, Edward shuts off the engine and comes around to my side fairly quickly, arriving and managing to hold the door just as I start to step out of the car.

We make our way into the farm and I stop to take a look around. It really is beautiful. It's the perfect example of a little community almost completely independent from outside resources. The green topped trees are accented by the rich reds and light greens of the apples that grow on them. The long dirt road that lies through the center of the farm and splinters off in different directions is no doubt for the various farm machines used to tend to the land. And in the center is a beautiful, bright blue farm house with golden shutters that is surrounded by rolls of hay, scattered pumpkins, and covered torch lamps.

Continuing on, we are greeted by a teenage boy dressed in coveralls with a straw hat on his head. It's cute.

"Hey there and welcome to Forks Apple Farms where we grow 'em local and special," he says, recounting the farm's motto. I'm sure he's said that same line a million times today, but I can still see how enthusiastic he is about it. He gives us a brief rundown of the farms offerings and then hands us each a basket to carry for the apples we pick.

"For the pretty lady," the boy says, handing a basket to me and I smile widely at him while taking it. Edward snatches his and pushes me forward, away from the all-knowing teenage farm boy.

"That was rude, Edward. He was talking."

"He wasn't saying anything we can't read on the damn program or find on the fucking map."

"You're being ridiculous!"

"That may be true, but you like it. So what do you want to do first?"

I just gape at him because I have no retort. Nothing. Not one word. That entire exchange has left me speechless.

"Apples?" he says with a smirk, clearly amused with himself. I just nod and we meander towards the trees. "So tell me about your parents. What were you remembering back there?"

My steps falter and I pause. Edward stops a few steps away and turns to look at me with a puzzled expression. "Bad memory?" he asks.

"No. Yes. Well..." and I sigh, not sure how to continue. We're still not moving, just standing here and waiting. Whatever, I've already passed out on him, nearly blinded myself with lobster juice, scared the breath out of both of us and nearly eaten cobblestone. Why not add something else to the list?

"I was remembering the field trip here in the eighth grade. The juice harvesting one."

"Oh, they were still doing that when you got to eighth grade? In my year, one idiot stuck his hand in the fucking juice press and I remember one of the teachers saying it was too dangerous of a field trip and they'd have to stop doing them," Edward interjects.

"Yeah, well, clearly they couldn't find a better alternative. This is Forks," I reply. Edward laughs; it lightens the mood a little.

"Anyway, I'm afraid the trip didn't end very well for me either." I look at Edward, expecting him to say something, but he doesn't. He just waits. "Most of the trip I was fine, but when it came time for the juice pressing demonstration, I kind of uhm... I kind of freaked out. I'm sure you know my parents were murdered when I was six. I mean, everyone knows." I look at Edward and he nods in confirmation.

"The last time, before the eighth grade trip, that I came here was just after my sixth birthday. That would be the fall before they died. I don't remember too much about the last time with my parents, but I distinctly remember the juice press. Mom was telling dad about the merits of home made apple juice and was convinced she was going to learn to make fresh apple juice. I don't know why I remember that and not anything else; it's a good memory for me. But when we got to the juice press portion of the eighth grade trip, I couldn't handle it. I had a panic attack. They had to give me oxygen and I got taken to the hospital. I stayed out of school a week. So when we got here today, I remembered the field trip from middle school. Unfortunately, that memory now outweighs the good one of visiting the farm with my parents. It's probably one of the most embarrassing days of my life."

"Hmm. I don't know, Bella. That lobster juice incident was pretty fucking funny."

I burst into laughter and Edward joins in. "That was pretty ridiculous huh?" And he nods, still laughing. The bad memory isn't forgotten, but maybe now I can have a new and better one to replace it.

"Come on, the apples aren't going to wait all damn day."

"I suppose the apples have plans for later then? After they're done hanging out."

"Haha, Bella. What? You're a fucking comedian now?"

"I have many talents, Edward. Just wait and see." _Oh no! Word vomit, again_. But this time, I win. Edward doesn't come back with some kind of witty remark. My comment hangs there between us. Heavy as lead.

We make our way through the rows of apples. Picking up Gala, which are my favorite, Red Delicious and Granny Smith apples. Edward laughs when I'm too short to reach an apple on a higher branch and I pout as he reaches for it with little to no effort. He plucks it from the branch and drops it in my basket for me. I laugh at him as I can duck and weave under the lower branches and he has to maneuver around them. Our fingers and hands brush against each other a few times and the static feeling is there. I'm sure now that it's from his touch, because without, I don't feel the charge.

While picking apples he tells me how Granny Smiths are his favorite because he likes the sweet skin in combination with the more savory, sharp flesh. Then he bites one straight from the tree. I shout something about pesticides and he tells me that Forks Apple Farm only uses organic treatments, completely safe for human consumption. Then he laughs and offers me his apple to taste it. I've never been one for Granny Smith apples. I prefer them red and sweet through and through. But since he's offering, I take a bite anyway. Immediately, I see what he's saying about the combination of sweet skin and savory flesh. I judged the poor apple too harshly. He pulls the apple away, but I grab his cloth covered wrist pulling his hand back to take another bite. His finger tips brush my cheek and a sigh escapes my lips at the sensation against my face.

The apple drops from Edward's hand as it moves to the side of my face to cradle my cheek. Instinctively, I take a step toward him, closing the already small gap there. I tilt my head to look at him and he's looking down at me with an odd expression. No matter how many times I look at him, I will never adjust to how beautiful he is. There is no other word for it and even that one does him an injustice. I think my stomach has jumped into my chest and my heart has jumped into my throat.

Just then, a few screaming children run by, shattering the silence that hangs around us. Edward blinks and looks past me towards the children. Relief washes over his features as his hand rushes to his hair and runs through it. Disappointed and confused, I take a few steps back, staring at the ground and my dejected basket of apples.

"Your basket is full."

"What?"

"Your basket," Edward says, pointing towards my feet, "it's full. Let's go to the cashier."

We head back to the farm house in silence. The sounds of wet grass scrunching under our feet and children in the distance are the soundtrack to our journey. Inside, Edward places both of our baskets that he carried from the orchards on the counter for the sales lady to count and weigh.

"Aren't you such a perfect gentleman carrying the basket for your lady here? How sweet are you?" she coos, reaching over and patting Edward on the hand. "Don't let this one get away, dear. I can tell he's a keeper," she says, now turning to me.

What am I supposed to say to that? Again, speechless. I look to Edward and he's smiling, which makes me smile back. And then the old woman speaks again, "I love to see young kids in love." Both of our heads snap to look at her. She's just humming and smiling to herself as she continues to count and weigh our apples. _Is she crazy?_ I am all about respect for your elders, but this woman is mad. Stark, raving mad.

Edward and I both laugh awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with one another. This is the first time I have truly seen Edward uncomfortable. And the old woman? She's still just humming and smiling to herself. I know for sure I am just as red as the Red Delicious apples that we picked. Edward pays for our apples and I allow it because...well, because I'm barely paying attention. I'm still gawking at the mad woman behind the cash register.

We step away from the cashier and awkwardly look at each other for a minute before Edward speaks up.

"I'm going to take these to my car so we don't have to carry the shit around."

"Oh, we're not leaving?" To be honest, I thought the day was over. I don't want it to be.

"I figured we could go on one of the hayrides or something. Since we're already here and shit."

"Okay." And Edward walks off to where he parked to unload the apples.

I turn around to check my surroundings when I notice a cart with caramel and candy apples. I walk over to the cart and debate over which one to get. I decide to get one of each and I'll let Edward choose which one he wants. Personally, I love them both equally and could never choose.

Just as I step back to the doorway, Edward appears. "Pick one," I say with excitement, holding both apples out for him to choose. Edward quirks a brow at me before choosing the red candy apple, saying thanks and taking a bite out of it. We stroll together to the stop for the hayride carriage and sit down on a bale of hay to wait.

"So why the Forks Apple Farm?" I ask him, taking a break from my delicious treat.

Edward swallows his bite before answering and I kind of get distracted by the motion of his Adam's apple. Something I don't notice in most ordinary people. "I don't know," he shrugs. "I'm in Forks pretty much all damn weekend. I figured we could hang out again. You don't seem like the kind of girl to like typical boring shit. There isn't much to do in Forks. So this seemed to be the best option."

Just then, the horse drawn, hayride carriage pulls up. We move to the loading area and wait for the other passengers to get off. A mother and her two children get in with the help of the ride conductor.

"Here, take this," Edward says from behind me, handing me his candy apple.

"You're done?" I ask confused. He's had like four bites, not that I've been counting.

"No. Just hold it."

"Edward, I..." I start to say, but just as I open my mouth he grabs me by the waist and hoists me in the air causing me to squeal. Then setting me down in the bed of the carriage before he hops in with the agility of a mountain lion. I stand there staring at him. My face is flushed from the chill in the air, the feel of his hands on my waist and the surprise of his actions.

He moves to sit down on one of the rolls of hay on the side and I'm still standing in the center, hands full of apples.

"Come on, Bella," he says, pulling at my arm, "sit down or you're going to get tossed once the carriage starts to move." I sit down next to him and hand him his apple, taking another bite of mine. I notice that he managed not to swear. _Must be the kids_. Admittedly, this annoys me because I realize I like his cursing.

The carriage starts to move and I try to think of something to talk about. My nerves have finally started to settle from the flight I just took. I think back to our previous conversation and Edward mentioned being in Forks all weekend.

"So why are you stuck in Forks all weekend?"

"I wouldn't say 'stuck'; that implies the entire weekend is a waste."

"It's not?" I ask.

"No. There are some redeemable points," he says with a wink. _Sigh_. "My aunt and cousin are here. My cousin is getting married next year and they're going over plans with my mother."

"So this is your mother's sister?" Edward nods in confirmation. "So I don't get why you need to be here to discuss wedding plans. You're not marrying your cousin right?" I say with a small laugh.

"Fuck no, Bella!" Then he looks at the mother across the carriage, "Sorry," he says. I just stare at him in mild shock. Did he apologize for swearing? I've never been bothered by his profane word choices. I've actually grown accustomed to it. So it's strange to me that it might offend someone else.

"I appreciate that, but it's nothing worse than what they hear from their father or the trash he let's them watch on television," the mother says. I look down at my apple. _Parents_.

Edward nods and then turns to me. "My mom is really big on family time. I only live in Seattle so since they're here, it's important to her that I spend time with them. She's not roping me or Carlisle into the wedding planning part. She knows our measurements; she'll make sure the tuxedos fit."

"You're not with them now though. Are they working on wedding stuff now?"

"Yeah. But don't ask me what because I have no clue. Renata and Maria came with so much luggage my car was packed when I picked them up."

"Renata? That's a pretty name. She's your aunt and Maria is your cousin?"

"Yep."

"Are you close?"

"Renata is close to my mom. Maria and I were closer growing up. We're still close, just not as much. She has her life; I have mine. She's about to be married. And we live on two completely different continents."

Silence falls over us then, both of staring out into the orchards as the carriage winds down the path. It's starting to get darker and the torch lamps along the path are lit. It's beautiful to see.

My stomach is in knots, a nagging pull resonating at the pit. I wonder if I'm getting motion sickness. That would just be my luck. Now all I need to do is hurl caramel chunks all over Edward to complete my round of embarrassment. I settle back into the seat made out of hay and bump into Edward's arm resting along the side of the wagon. It startles me at first, but he doesn't move it and I really need to try and get comfortable. Closing my eyes for a moment, the uncomfortable sensation in my stomach doesn't worsen like it would if I was nauseous. I'm familiar with that feeling. Blood, spiders, bad cramps, blue cheese and the smell of wet dog are a few things that give me that feeling. This feeling, it's not entirely unpleasant. Just uncomfortable and foreign. Fluttery and uneven.

With my eyes closed I try and think back to when I started feeling this way. I try to weed out the source and determine the cause. I've been feeling like this for the majority of the day, but it has had an ebb and flow kind of pattern. Feeling strong at certain points, less at others. Most of the time, I would shrug it off and continue to pick apples, dodge orchard misters, indulge in small talk with Edward or buy caramel apples. Wait...

Buying caramel apples, I didn't feel it. I didn't notice it at least. It was either very faint or gone entirely. It's almost overwhelming now; it was intense earlier in the day on our way to the farm and it was...oh God. It was most overwhelming after I took that bite of Edward's apple and his hand caressed my cheek. When my internal organs seemed to have shifted. Impossible? Yes. Unless you happen to be me and the soft hand on your face happens to be attached to Edward Cullen.

My body shudders involuntarily and I gasp and sit up straight as I realize that the sensation in my stomach is caused by him, by Edward. Walking in on him in the kitchen while he searched the fridge, the Sunday he came over for dinner with Jasper and Emmett, at _Eclipse_ on Halloween, in my kitchen on Halloween. That Tuesday while watching him make Pesto Gnocchi, actually sensing him before I even saw him coming down the hall. Again, with his proximity during the cooking class and I thought it was just nerves. But it's him. It has to be. Why else was the feeling faint or gone when I was buying the apples and he was putting the purchased apples in the car? Why don't I feel it when he is nowhere near me? Like when I'm at work or at home and he's miles away? _What does it mean_?

"Bella?" Edward says with alarm, probably noticing my reaction to my sudden realization. I look at him with my arms wrapped around my upper body and my eyes wide and alert as if trying to absorb it all. "Shit! You have to be fucking freezing." Edward moves to unzip his jacket quickly. I realize my teeth have started to chatter.

"What are you doing?" I ask as he removes his hoodie that is underneath his jacket and holds it out for me to slide my arms through the sleeves.

"It's fucking cold, Bella. The sun has started to set and we've been out here for hours. And it's been spitting mist all fucking day."

I zip the front of the hoodie and revel in how warm it is. Taking a deep breath, I can smell him. The scent of soft leather, mint and a hint of a vanilla aroma mixed with the masculine musk of his skin. A scent that my subconscious is already familiar with. "I guess I should have listened to Alice and brought a coat then," I say softly.

Edward smirks down at me and nods before leaning back into the hay in the position he was just sitting in and I lean back into mine, barely touching him. "What the fuck was that about anyway?"

"What?"

"That shit with Alice. It was like you two were having some kind of mental girl fight or some shit. No words."

I stiffen in my spot. _He noticed_. He noticed that ridiculous display of unwarranted, unjustified, ill-placed jealousy earlier. How can I explain that without sounding like some drug obsessed groupie craving his affections as I watched him freely give them to my all but married best friend and ally? How do I help him to understand, help _me_ to understand what the hell is going on with my brain and my body? Things that I am just starting to acknowledge, but in my rational mind, have yet to accept.

"We just had a disagreement over something. Stupid girl stuff," I say with a sigh. Edward shrugs it off as if my lame explanation makes it clear.

Before long, the carriage is making its way back to the farm house to unload the passengers once more before they close up for the night. There isn't much light left in the sky, which means a farmer's day must come to a close. Edward hops down from the bed of the carriage and reaches up his arms to me for me to come closer. He grabs my waist once again and pivots slightly to set me down on the ground away from the carriage. On my way down from the air, my chest rubs against his causing me to intake a sharp breath at the pressure. Edward's hands tighten on my waist slightly when this happens. I look up into his face, but it's too dark to make out his expression.

Running his hands through his hair, Edward just stands still for a moment staring off into the increasing darkness. "We should go," he says, leaving his hair in more disarray than it has been all day. The walk back to the car is pretty much silent, but my head is not. My mind jumps all over the place. It's like watching a UN Summit in a movie where all the languages fly around the room into a jumbled mess of voices and it's almost impossible to make sense of any of it.

Edward opens the door and I hop into the car, buckling my seat belt as he gets in and starts the ignition. Apparently, Vivaldi won't do for the ride back and he changes his iPod to something different. The tropical rhythm of _311's All Mixed Up_ fills the car. The car ride is quiet again, but unlike this afternoon where I was kicking myself and giving myself a mental scolding, causing the air in the car to reek of despondence, now the air is ripe with an invisible charge. Whether it's coming from him or me or both of us, I don't know. But it's infinitely better than earlier today and strangely comforting, considering if I were to stumble upon the thread for this charge and touch it, I'm sure it would ignite and set me on fire, crumbling into a pile of embers.

We're getting closer to my house and the rain starts to fall.

"Thank fuck that shit waited," Edward breaks the silence.

"I was just thinking the same thing. Well, without the extra words," I say with a laugh and Edward chuckles with me.

"I never think to plan around the rain. It just always fucking rains. If I lived my life by the rain, I wouldn't get shit done. It wouldn't be any fucking fun." Edward looks at me and shrugs before turning back to the road smiling.

We reach my house and Edward comes around to open the door and let me out. He then grabs my apples from his trunk as I make a dash for the door. I silently thank Alice for these boots; the traction hasn't allowed me to slip once. Not even on her slick stone walk way. The rain is pouring down passed the porch and the wind has picked up, making a whirring-wooshing sound every time it blows.

I unlock the door and open it, leaving the keys in the handle and place the apples just inside before turning back to Edward. "I'm glad you don't plan by the rain. I'm glad we did this today. I have new memories now. Do you want to come in?" That's what you say right? You invite people in? Edward looks down at me and I can see most of his face clearly in the soft light from the porch, but I can't decipher the expressions in his eyes as they flash quickly and mingle together like a kaleidoscope. I look away to the side at the falling rain.

"I should probably go," he says, taking a step closer. "Esme will be looking for her apples." Another step. "And you're all wet, Bella." He's now so close that every inhale I take causes my chest to press into his torso. In between the sounds of the falling raindrops and the hissing wind, it sounds like Edward says something but the only indication is the low rumble I can hear being this close to his chest.

The fluttering sensation in the pit of my stomach is so strong and the beat of my heart is so fast. I'm trying to catch my breath, but it's fruitless. I want him to kiss me. I'm scared, but I want it. My brain fights with my body and both argue with my heart. _This isn't safe. You do remember what happened the last time your body reacted don't you? Feel what he does to you. Is it worth it? I'm not sure I can take more pain._

_Live your life, Bella. Don't live by the rain._

Unsure of what I will see or what will happen next, I lift my head to look at him.

"Edward," I say breathlessly just before his lips meet mine. Almost as if he can read my mind and just knows I want this. Without thought, I give in. Closing my eyes and just feeling. Feeling his soft lips gently roam over mine, sending flickers of flame through their tender caress straight through me. The flutter in my stomach is raging, the hum of my skin is buzzing heavily at his proximity and his touch. My breathing calms slightly as if he were breathing air back into my body. But my heart beat picks up, thudding loudly in my ears. Overpowered by his closeness that has an apparent effect on me, his lulling scent and the sensation of the kiss, my hands come up and rest against his chest to steady myself as I feel my legs start to quake beneath me. Edward places one hand in my hair and his fingers find their way to gently cradle my head, while the other rests on my hip. And now we couldn't be any closer unless we were wrapped around one another.

It's unlike the kiss at Halloween; the electrical impulses are still there as before. It's Edward that is different. Halloween was rushed; this is slow. On Halloween it was more about the situation and this is more about him and me. I'm different too because I know I want this, even if I don't know or understand what _this_ is.

Instinctively, I tilt head my head just a little causing the tips of our noses to brush. I whimper as he moves to deepen the kiss, breaking both of our concentration and we break apart.

I look at him and he stares down at me. My breath catches in my throat at what I see. _Is it possible? No. It can't be. _I swear...my feelings, my emotions, my wants are being reflected right back at me through the now deep green pools of Edward's eyes. His eyes widen for a second before he blinks and averts his gaze. The movement is so fast, I don't catch the emotion that flashed before it's gone.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have done that," he says as he backs away from me. He takes the porch steps in two strides and is in his car and out of my driveway faster than any human should be capable of moving.

I'm stunned in place. My hand reaches up to feel my lips, the electrical sensation still present though not as strong with his absence. _What just happened? What am I going to do? _

I need Alice.

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**A/N**

**In chapter 20, Esme calls Edward "caro" during their phone conversation. Caro= Dear in Italian. I forgot to mention that.**

**I know you're reading and I like it. **

**Thank you!**

**xx**


	23. Ch 22: Force

**A/N:**

**EEK! Over 300 REVIEWS! Thank you all for reading AND reviewing my little story. I wish I could express in words how much I truly appreciate it.  
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**In case you missed it, there is a NEW outtake for Fate & Forgotten Secrets out on my profile. I'm not telling you what it is, you have to go and see.**

**Thank fuck for my Darling Beta's cclore and PhoenixMP3; especially given my...uhm...state of mind when I wrote this. For all that you do and so much more.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 22: Force **

**Edward Cullen POV**

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I can't believe I fucking did that. I fucking kissed her. What the fuck was I thinking? Oh wait, I wasn't fucking thinking. I was being lead, fucking pulled, driven by some invisible fucking force. My brain completely shut off. If I wasn't standing there at the time, I wouldn't be sure that it even happened. Even now, driving away from the scene, the only thing stopping me from thinking I'm stuck in a bizarre, fucked up, twisted sitcom is the fading tingling on my lips and the fucking rod in my pants.

Do you have any fucking clue how frustrating it is to not have control? To lose that small shred of restraint and have something else pulling the strings? I didn't know what that felt like, until today. Before ten fucking minutes ago. Losing that control scared the living shit out of me.

I've kissed a lot of girls and been kissed by a lot of girls. But I've never _felt_ those kisses. It's always been skin-on-skin, nothing special about it. But to _feel_ the kiss...well, that scared the living shit out of me too. So, I ran. Now, I can't decide if I'm more pissed about losing control or fucking running.

I arrive at my parents before I know it and try to calm the fuck down before I go inside. Carlisle's Bentley isn't in the garage, so he must be out. But mom's Porsche Cayenne is here and she'll be able to smell every emotion seeping through my pores. Resigned that I'm as calm and relaxed as I can get, I leave the confines of my car and go into the house.

Stepping into the hallway from the garage, I can hear faint voices from the formal dining room. I enter the kitchen and place the basket of apples down on the counter and quietly turn to head up to my room for a shower.

"Edward? Is that you?" I hear Esme's voice ring from down the hall.

_Shit._ I was hoping to sneak up to my room unnoticed. I should know better. The few times I tried to sneak back into the house, after sneaking out as a teenager, never went unnoticed. Mom and dad would always ask me why I felt the need to sneak out. It wasn't like they had strict curfew policies or anything, I guess I just felt like being a typical rebellious teen. Sure enough, the next day at breakfast they would always confront me about that shit. So why do I think that I can come into this house unnoticed now?

I walk down the hall to the dining room to see Esme and Renata hunched over a shit ton of books and binders. Pieces of fabric are strewn all over the fucking place. It's a jungle scene of wedding shit.

"How was the apple farm?" Esme asks, comparing two things in her hand while simultaneously staring at something Renata is pointing at in a book on the table.

"Fine."

Esme snaps her head up from the book and drops her hands down, peering at me over her reading glasses. "Fine? Just fine? Didn't you go with friends?"

I'm not sure how to answer. Yes, I went with _a friend_, but then I kissed her. Again. Rosalie's words flow back into my head, _"...Do you kiss all your friends, Edward?..." _It was more than fine at the time but ... now I can't be sure. Esme is eyeing me, waiting for my answer and now Renata is staring me down too. Great, a fucking tag team.

"It was fun, until it rained and everything got all muddy and shit." That works, everything is muddy now. "I put the apples in the kitchen. I'm going to shower."

Esme narroes her eyes at me, probably for swearing. She watches me some more, most likely trying to decide what to say or do next. Trying to determine if she'll let the shit go or get more information out of me. I wait to see which one she'll choose.

"Okay. Well, your aunt and I are going to stay here and work on this some more. Your father got called in to the hospital and Maria is asleep. Poor thing is beat by jet lag and the time difference. There's a plate of tortellini in the oven for you," Esme says and turns back to the wedding jungle.

Being officially dismissed, I turn on my heel and head to the closest stairwell, taking the stairs two at a time to my room. I hardly stay here anymore, but mom still keeps it the way I left it when I moved into my own place. A chocolate wood bed with crisp midnight blue linens sits in front of a large window with curtains of the same color. I notice that the bed is turned down. _Mom_. I'm fucking exhausted and I just want to fall into my bed when I walk in the room, but I remember that I'm pretty well soaked and need to take care of that. The thought of sleeping in wet clothes is fucking disgusting.

Walking towards my bathroom door, I start to strip off my clothes, piece by piece, unzipping my jacket and tossing it on my desk chair, toeing off my boots and setting them by the door. I remove my wet t-shirt while passing the glass shelf holding my signed baseball by Ichiro Suzuki, my MVP trophy for senior year when I got to pitch in the National baseball game, and my two Regional trophies for most games won my junior and senior years. Good times, but something I gave up for more serious pursuits, when I went to college. Unlike some of those delusional fuckers I went to high school with, baseball wasn't the only thing I lived for and I wanted to explore more options.

Shivering at the contact of the air to my wet skin, I continue the last few feet to the bathroom, undoing my jeans and shrinking them off as I pass the Eminem and Linkin Park posters on either side of the bathroom door. Once inside the bathroom in nothing but my green boxers, I toss all my wet clothes into the hamper and I turn on the shower to let it warm up. Fuck knows that pipes get cold as shit in Forks this time of year and I'll be damned if I'm going to let icicles slide over my skin. Fuck that.

I go to the cabinet to pull out a towel and laugh hard when I turn around and see a towel already resting on the towel warmer. _Mom_. I swear, she fucking thinks of everything. I don't know how, but she does. I mean, who the fuck really has use for a towel warmer. Esme Cullen, that's who.

Once I pull on the band of my boxers, releasing it from my hips, they pretty much fall to the floor and I jump into the shower before the cold air sends me running to my fucking bed like an idiot. I've done enough running like a fucking idiot for one night.

The hot water feels fucking great. I did not realize how tight my muscles were before I stepped in here, but the steaming hot water is doing wonders for that problem. I grab the vanilla scented Sephora soap that Rose got me into years ago, when we took a family ski trip to Cortina d'Ampezzo. On that trip, I called out to her from my room in the suite that I was out of soap and she handed me hers. I fought her on it, telling her to get mine but she refused. Said I could either use the soap provided, which made me shudder at the thought, use hers or walk out into the room soaking wet and get my own. She uses something French now and it drives Emmett insane, but I've been using this Sephora shit ever since. What can I say? I like the fucking way it smells.

I squirt some from the bottle into the body thing my mom keeps in the shower, some kind of coral sponge or some shit that's good for circulation or whatever and start to lather up. I'm pretty sure it never occurred to me that trudging through the depth of Forks Apple Farm with Bella would make me so sweaty and dirty. If I had thought about it, I probably would have picked something else. Although, Bella seemed to like it.

_Bella...shit._

I haven't thought about her for all of five minutes, but the minute she comes to mind, I can't get her out. As much as I want to, I can't ignore that fucking kiss. I can't forget how soft her lips are or how her silken strands feel between my fingertips as I absently run my hands through her hair. I can't forget how she seems to willingly give in to my touch.

Fuck!

Thinking about her makes my dick spring to life. No matter what I do, my body reacts to her. It's so fucking inherent and unavoidable; my body takes over and leaves my brain in the dust.

All day. All motherfucking day I've been with Bella. All fucking day I've been assaulted with lavender, strawberries and creamy skin. All damn day I've been trying to just fucking focus on my _friend_ and have a good time. I've never been the kind of guy to have girls who are friends, but something about Bella makes me want to try. And all fucking day, my _friend _has been sending shock waves to my system and making me feel almost queasy. In my fucking defense, I didn't realize until the end that the shocks were from her.

Even now in the shower, I can fucking smell her lingering scent and feel her lips pressed to mine. Shit! Tasting her mouth had been so damn sweet and had she not made a sound, I have no doubt I would still be standing there now, on her porch, in the fucking freezing rain with my mouth pressed to hers because I'm crazy, and apparently my dick is the leader in this operation.

Shock is the easiest way to describe it. In retrospect, I should have known the shocks came from her, even before today. The hallway at her house, brushing hands with her at Starbucks, helping her remove her coat at Blue Ribbon. But people don't shock people. At least not without a good amount of fucking static electricity floating in the air.

Every time my hand brushed hers in the apple orchards or when she grabbed my wrist to bite my apple as I pulled it away from her mouth, I felt it. When she stumbled over the tree roots by the red delicious trees and I caught her, I felt it. When I hoisted her into the back of the hayride carriage and her skin was exposed by her shirt raising, allowing my hands contact with her body unhindered, I felt it. Even then, I chose to ignore it. But when my lips met hers and that same fucking feeling intensified and shot straight through me, I knew then that I could no longer try and deny that Bella Swan was the source of the shock. What it means, I have no idea. But I do know that it feels fucking good.

"Shit," I say out into the hot stream of water as my hand has somehow found its way to my dick. I don't even need to question how it got there or why; I already know. I battle with myself for a moment. Do I want to do this? It's not the tugging that's a problem. Do I really want to rub one out while thinking of _her_? It's not like I've not thought about girls before while getting myself off. I've been masturbating since I was thirteen. This shit isn't fucking new. I'm already hard, my hand is already on my dick...

_Fuck it. _

I wrap my right hand around my dick and using firm and slow strokes, I slide my soaped up fist up and down the hard shaft. I let out a groan at the soft feeling of the suds combined with the firm pressure of my grip, and my thoughts float back to Bella. This time, I don't try and push them away. I just let them in.

Bella's soft auburn ringlets that frame her face. The creaminess of Bella's thighs peeking out from underneath her Halloween costume. The smoothness of her long neck, aching to be kissed.

_Damn!_

Without thinking, I lace the fingers of both hands together and wrap them around the entire width of my dick, tightening the grip on each upward stroke and centering the pressure on the tip as I come back down. Using both hands creates an enclosed experience, like being surrounded by a pussy. My grip gets tighter; just how I like it.

The feel of Bella's waist when I pick her up. The slim form of Bella's legs as she walks in front of me leading up to the fucking swell of her ass. Thinking of those legs wrapped around my waist, her thighs gripping tight as I thrust hard into her. The sway of her hips as she moves. Fuck! The thought of Bella's hips gyrating in a smooth rhythm as she rides my dick.

_Shit!_

The speed of my hands increase as my hips automatically start to thrust in a steady rhythm mimicking the motion of fucking. I feel pressure of my release on the edge of my consciousness. The pace of my breathing picks up, matching the speed of my hands and the bucking of my hips.

Her deep, chocolate eyes so soft and full of expression. The pout of her pink lips always ready to be kissed. The feel of those lips wrapped in mine as I kiss her and she gives in to my touch and the small moan my touch elicits. Being wrapped in her scent and lost in the feel of her as I grip her hair while her perfect lips suck on my cock.  
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Fuck!_

With a harsh groan, I lay my head against the shower tile while my entire body starts to shudder. The ache in my balls is almost too fucking much and I growl as I come, my hands in a vice grip around my dick while by body jerks as I continue to stroke through my orgasm and then watch the hot fluid circle down the drain. My hands slow down and my breath is heavy, almost panting as my mind starts to clear from the mental fog I've been in all fucking day. The water turns ice cold, jarring me from my reflective state of mind and I jump out of the shower, cursing the water and feeling slightly guilty for what I just did.

I grab the towel off the warmer and silently thank fuck for that shit now. Laughing at myself, I step into my room while drying off quickly. I pull out a pair of blue boxers from my drawer and glance at the clock while sliding them on. It's only nine, but I'm fucking exhausted, so I decide to crawl into bed anyway. Tortellini can wait.

Resting my head against the pillow, I start to rehash my day. Same shit I do every night before I fall asleep. I worked pretty damn late at _Eclipse_ last night and I'm sure I slept maybe two hours before I got out of bed and went out for a run. I stopped by Starbucks for coffee and ignored Kim, which was probably more fun that it should have been. But she's annoying and clingy and talks too fucking much, so I really don't give a shit.

After my run and Starbucks, I went home, showered and got dressed and then took my car over to Dynamic for the monthly detailing service. I made some phone calls to a few vendors while I waited and shared a few harassing texts with Jazz, Emmett and Rose. Once that was done and I inspected my car to make sure it was to my satisfaction, I headed out to Forks to pick up Bella.

Unlike Jasper, I was prepared for the onslaught that is Alice when I got to the door, so I didn't get knocked over or blown away. Now that I think about it, I think he actually likes that shit. I'll have to remember to get on him about it. But Bella didn't seem fine, she seemed pissed at Alice or some shit. She insisted on not taking a coat. Fuck dumb move if you ask me, but it seemed to be a silent battle between her and Alice, and I personally didn't want to be in the middle of that shit. The whole way to the farm, Bella was tense and distracted, which was making the air in the car tense, so I changed the music to try and even that shit out. I love Jay-Z, but certain types of music are better for tense situations, so I switched to Vivaldi. _Adagio Molto_ is one of my favorites.

Shifting my position against my pillows, I recall Bella's story about her last time to Forks Apple Farm. Watching her relive it was like a movie playing on the screen as each emotion she felt passed her eyes, varying degrees of pain, sadness, fear, longing. What does one say after shit like that? The last thing I wanted was for her to have another panic attack; which I began to fear was inevitable by the way she started to clutch her body with her arms, wrapping them so tight around her that I thought she might fucking burst. But she seemed to not even notice she was doing it.

So when she stopped and told me it was one of the most embarrassing things in her life, I had to bring up the lobster spray. That shit is the kind of thing embarrassing stories are made of. Embarrassment stories are shit you can laugh at later. What Bella went through in the eighth grade was no fucking laughing matter. I should know.

To my surprise, she laughed. And not just a frilly girl laugh. A real laugh that made her entire face light up and her eyes sparkle for a brief moment in time. Eyes that usually hold so much sadness and lament. I remember thinking how beautiful she looked in that moment. More for just appreciation sake than anything because it's the truth, but it's not something I ever _really_ thought about before.

I am entirely convinced that Bella has no idea what her mouth is saying half the time. Because today, again, with the sexually laced comments. With any other girl, you'd know they were doing that shit intentionally to entice you. But with Bella, it's entirely accidental. You can see the shock all over her face, once her ears hear what her brain failed to fucking filter. It's entirely too adorable for her own good. _For my own good_.

Watching her try and reach top branches to reach the "best apples" as she calls them because they are closer to the "goodness of the sun" was amusing. Of course, I had to remind her that this is fucking Forks, and these apples have probably never seen a day of sunlight. She'd just shrug at me and continue to try and grab them. I only left her to her own devices for a moment, before I grabbed them for her. I must be close to a foot taller than she is, so it was much easier for me.

We had this long as shit discussion about apples, and I suppose Forks Apple Farm is the appropriate forum for it, but when she told me, "I have no preference for granny smith apples," I nearly died on the fucking spot. The sweet flesh with the tart exterior is the perfect mouth watering combo. Bella is fucking nuts. And I was determined to make her see my point, which she would because, I'm always right.

I pulled a delicious granny smith from the branch after carefully deciding which one I wanted. It was important to make sure the skin wasn't too light or dark and the fullest part of the apple should fit snug against your palm. I took a bite from the apple and threw off any of Bella's concerns about pesticides before offering her a bite of it. She opened her mouth slightly as I brought the apple forward and I could see her pink tongue flat against the floor of her mouth; I tried to look away, but I fucking failed miserably. She took a bite and chewed it, contemplating the taste. I could tell she was trying to keep her face stoic, but Bella's eyes told it all. I've got her. Like I said, I'm always right.

I moved to pull the apple away to take another bite and she grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand back to her mouth. She took another bite; her hand was still on my wrist and she looked up at me through her lashes. _Shit!_ She let out a soft sigh and it was like the air had shifted completely. It was just the two of us standing there, and I so fucking badly wanted to be that damn granny smith apple in that moment. The apple dropped from my hand, and Bella leaned in to my palm. Her cheek was oddly warm given the temperature outside.

It was almost silent, only the sounds of nature around us. That was until a bunch of unruly, fucking kids came running by screaming about dumb shit. Other people's kids are the best damn form of birth control.

I snapped out of it and dropped my hand from Bella's face.

Awkwardly, we grabbed our baskets full of apples and went to purchase them. And I could not have been more wrong in thinking that this could not get any worse. Because it quickly did, thanks to the lady checking us out. In general, I don't have any issues with the elderly. Sure, I lack patience and so at times, I can get a little flustered with them. But I can get annoyed with anyone, so that's no big fucking deal. This lady, Clara her name tag read, reminded me a lot of my paternal grandmother, and that made me smile slightly.

Nonna Cullen was widely known for her fiery spirit and inability to keep anything to herself and the older she got, the more she would say. It was Nonna who let the cat out of the bag about the BMW my parents got me for my sixteenth birthday. It was Nonna, again, who told Rosalie that she and Emmett were made for each other, even when Rose couldn't see it. She would just stare at you with her kind blue eyes, always sparkling with mischief. There was never a dull moment with Nonna. I miss her. Always cooing over the way my father treated my mother and reminding me to take notes and be prepared for _il mio vero amore_- my true love. Out of respect for her, I usually just nodded my head, but internally I would think she was batshit crazy.

Which was exactly what happened with Clara at Forks Apple Farm. Her delusions ran the fucking gamut, but the most asinine of them all was to assume Bella and I were in love. Pure, fucking madness. I was starting to think that maybe they shouldn't have her working. She might get confused and start trying to put apples back on the branches. I was pretty sure her mind was that far gone. I was all prepared to ignore her, but Bella looked so fucking flustered. The blush in her cheeks, a stark contrast to the paleness of her nose. Her eyes wide in shock. I laughed nervously, paid for the apples and walked away to put them in my car.

I was gone less than three minutes as I practically ran there and back. The funny thing was that as I walked, I felt both heavy and light at the same time. How the fuck was that even possible? I had no idea. But it was like something was missing and yet, something had been added. When I got back to Bella, all thoughts of confusing ass physics flew from my brain as she smiled at me and held up a candy apple and a caramel apple, asking me to pick one. It was kinda fucking cute, with the huge grin on her face. I usually preferred caramel apples, but I took the candy apple. For some reason, I was attracted to the bright red color of the coating.

We sat and talked a little and I explained about why I chose Forks Apple Farm and when the carriage came for the hayride, I practically shoved my apple in her hand so I could help her into the carriage. I wasn't prepared for the musical giggle that escaped her lips when I hoisted her in the air. It was like a kid on a damn merry go round as her face lit up with a smile. I hopped up and pulled her down next to me as she was just standing there, looking like she had no intentions of moving. If I know anything about Bella, I know she is fucking accident prone and I'd be damned if this day was going to end in another hospital trip for her because she went flying forward when the ride moved.

We talked a little about my family that's in town before it got quiet between us. Bella leaned back against the wall of the carriage and her ponytail brushed against my hand causing it to twitch. I figured it was due to the dampness of it. Since it had been misting pretty much all fucking day, we were both kind of damp.

I was sitting there, just absently thinking about shit. For one, I couldn't wait to get out of those wet clothes and I wasn't fucking thrilled on the idea of getting in my car wet and now I'd have to take it back to dynamic. I wondered if Bella was having a good time. She seemed to be, but she was being very quiet. I looked down to her and her eyes were closed. I wondered if she had fallen asleep, which could be good or bad. Either she's fucking bored or fucking comfortable enough to drop her guard and sleep.

I started to think about my mother's apple pie and then I wondered if Bella made apple pie. Everyone knows you use granny smith apples for apple pie, but Bella doesn't like them. So I wondered if she even bothered with apple pie or chose another kind of apple.

Then she shivered next to me, and it occurred to me that she was probably fucking cold. For whatever reason, she stubbornly refused to wear a coat and it was wet and now dark. She was startled and confused as I took my coat off to give her my fleece hoodie to help warm her up. Honestly, did she think I would fucking let her freeze? Had she learned nothing about me? I was only pissed at myself that I didn't notice and give it to her earlier. Alice would have kicked my ass if Bella came down with pneumonia or something.

Speaking of Alice, I did ask her about that shit back at her house, but she brushed it off. I was still curious, but not enough to push the issue.

We got back to the pick-up/drop-off point and I jumped down first then helped Bella down the same way I helped her up. She let out a sound, but probably because she was cold. Then we headed to the car and left.

I roll over to my side, resting one hand bent under my head thinking about the fucking downpour that started a few miles from her house. _Fucking great_, I remembered thinking. But at least that shit had the fucking sense to wait until after we left the apple farm. Not like it really made a difference because going from my car to her door got us both drenched straight to the fucking bone.

I wasn't prepared for the sight of Bella soaking wet. Pieces of her hair that had fallen from her ponytail clung to her skin, water dripped from the dip in her lip, droplets of water dangled on her lashes like icicles glistening in the porch light. Quite a fucking sight to see. And that's when my brain left the building.

She invited me in after telling me she was glad we hung out, but I barely noticed. All I saw was her lips moving, making me think back to that apple in the orchard I wanted to replace earlier.

Some part of me knew it was a bad fucking idea. "I should probably go."

But I couldn't stop. My feet moved me forward, bringing me closer to her. "Esme will be looking for her apples."

I took another step, now closing the small gap between us. "And you're all wet, Bella."

Every time she breathed, her chest bumped into my upper abdomen, causing my muscles to clench. I could smell her scent of lavender and strawberries and the perfume of her skin was only pronounced by the fact that she's wet. She smelled so fucking good in the rain and I told her so, but I'm not sure if she heard me over the torrential weather. If seeing water droplets dangle on her eye lashes was the door to this fucking trip, then smelling her in the rain was the fucking catalyst to push me over the edge.

Then she said my name as a breathless whisper, and I was fucking gone. I couldn't hold back, whatever pulled me to where I was had all the control. And I fucking kissed her. But I'll be damned if that shit didn't feel good. It took a second to adjust to the resounding shock reverberating off of my bones and muscles, but I got there.

I remember kissing her on Halloween and this was very different. From Bella, her hesitance wasn't there, she gave in almost immediately. And unlike on Halloween, she was relaxed in my grasp as I placed a hand at the base of her neck and one on her hip to steady her. She was so relaxed that her body started to sway.

Fuck! She was so soft and the kiss was so gentle. The soft taste of caramel on her lips mixed with her natural taste, delicious. Did I mention I fucking love caramel? I could feel so much in that moment and that shit was fucking scary.

I could have taken Bella to heaven and back several times and she would have let me, but it was wrong somehow.

So when she let out a small whimper, it broke into my daze and woke me up. I stopped and stared at her for a moment. I wasn't sure what had just happened. Immediately, I felt like an ass. There I was assaulting my _friend's_ mouth. Again. _What a fucking dick move, Cullen_. But she didn't look confused at all. She looked determined, relaxed, was that happiness? I can't be sure; it was too fucking dark.

And then I left. I apologized for kissing her and ran from her porch. Very fucking confused.

I shift to roll onto my back and rest an arm behind my head, replaying in my mind over and over again every second of that kiss and the moments that followed. Confused by Bella's responses and reactions. Did she want me to kiss her? Did I want to kiss her? What the fuck do I do about this shit now? Is she one of those girls that thinks we're going to get married and have babies now? Even asking that question, I know it's stupid. Bella is a logical girl with pretty rational thoughts. So I doubt she's thinking that. I feel like a fucking silly ass girl ruminating over this shit. I should just call her and talk about it.

After that thought, I let out a long yawn. Tomorrow. I'm too tired now. I roll over and turn out the bedside lamp, flop down on my stomach and shut my eyes, willing for sleep to come quickly.

**~F&FS~  
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_...Walking down the street I gaze up at the sky and notice it's that special time of night. The sun is just below the horizon, preparing to surrender it's place to the moon. Twilight. There is a strange sense of peace in the air. A peace that almost lulls the senses into comfort. Off in the distance I can hear a faint barking_. Must be a neighbors dog. _The sun continues to set and the sky grows darker by the seconds._

_The barking gets closer with every step I take, but I can swear that it is coming from a position behind me somewhere. _

...qui' poggiata sul cuscino. Canterò una melodia

_Looking around me, I notice that even though I have been walking for quite some time, the scenery has not changed at all. The view to my left and my right are almost hazy. Lost in a cloud and I can't quite make out what's around me. I squint, to see if narrowed focus will assist me in making my surroundings more clear._ No luck. _Resigned to reach my destination, I press on and keep walking. _

sin che il buio non va via...

_More barking. Except this time it is accompanied by another sound. A sound much too faint to make out at this distance. As the barking behind me gets closer, the other sound gets louder. _Screaming. Blood curdling, shrieks. Someone is afraid. _My pace quickens_ _as I try to escape the noises behind me. My heartbeat picks up, sensing the urgency of the screams I so desperately want to get away from..._

sarò accanto col sorriso ...

"Edward..."  
_  
The quicker I move, the closer the barks and screams appear to be_. I must be going crazy. The sounds are behind me. I am quickly moving in the opposite direction. _I look up and I see a door in front of me. A green door. Instinctively, I go to my pockets to find the keys to the door as if I know I am supposed to enter. _I don't have any pockets._ I move my hand to my chest to try and calm down the strangled breaths that are escaping and I feel a hard piece of metal around my neck. I grab it and hold it out to my face- _a key_. _

finchè il sole vedrà il tuo viso...

"Edward, sweetie. Wake up."

I wake up suddenly, bolting up right in bed and rubbing my hands over my eyes. "Fucking hell!"

I remove my hands from my eyes and I'm met with green eyes, same color as mine, as my mom watches me with concern. We sit there for a minute in silence. She waits for me to turn coherent and I silently hope that she'll leave the room. A wish I know will never happen.

"How long?" she asks softly, handing me a glass of water and a little white pill I am all too familiar with to calm my nerves.

"Since June at some point."

"Every night?"

"No. Just some nights. There isn't a pattern to it from what I can see."

"Why didn't you come to us? I hate to see you suffer, caro. I could tell something was wrong, but I never thought it was this again."

"I don't know. I don't want it to be like before. I can handle it."

"Edward, this isn't something to play around with. You need your sleep, sweetie."

"Please, mom. I know, okay? Just let me handle it. Please don't tell dad. I don't want him to get all 'Dr. Cullen' on me and try to fix this. I promise, it's not that serious. It doesn't happen that often. Remember they said it's normal for it to come back every now and then."

Esme brushes my hair from my forehead and then softly brushes my cheek in silent affection. "Okay, but you have to promise me, if it gets worse, you will come to us. If it turns out you can't handle it, you will let us know. You're my baby boy and I can't bare to see you suffer. I will be forced to turn into a mother hen if you don't. Are we clear?"

I nod in response, letting her know it's a deal. I seriously fucking hope it doesn't come to that though. I flop back onto the bed, my head bouncing on the pillow as I contemplate what the fuck is wrong with me tonight.

Esme stands up from the side of the bed and leans down to kiss my forehead. "Try and get some sleep, caro, okay?" Then she slips out of the room, leaving me to my thoughts.

The Xanax starts to kick in as my heart rate starts to slow and my mind starts to relax into a hum as I drift off to sleep.

**~F&FS~  
**

The last few days have been completely fucking failtastic. My mother spent all day Sunday trying to balance between what she knew and not slipping and letting it out. And I feel like a complete fucking dick for putting her in that situation. I spent most of Sunday feeling like I was fighting a massive hangover, even though I had not had one drop to drink. By the time I left with a basket full of food, I wanted to kill my aunt for her incessant references to me settling down.

Everyone was acting fucking weird. And it couldn't just be my imagination. I swear I saw Jasper fucking scowl at me and Emmett has been all extra fucking soft all week. He's usually punching me or some shit. Even at the gym the other day, where he usualluy pushes me to lift heavier weights or tries to catch me off guard when we're sparring, he didn't. He's been going easy on me.

Then to make shit worse, I still have not dealt with that shit from Saturday with Bella. I say we all just forget it happened and move the fuck on.

Stepping into Starbucks this morning, I notice Kim isn't working and I thank fuck for that. All I need is her clingy bullshit to add to my aggravated state. I'm checking emails on my iPhone, completely unaware of what is going on around me. People are talking and the cashier is shouting drink orders to the barista, but it's all background noise. The hair on my neck starts to prickle like a balloon is being rubbed against it. I absently run my hand over the area to try and remove the static.

"Hi."

My hand stops mid-motion as I turn around to see Bella standing there.

"Hey," is all I can manage to say to her.

"How are you?"

"Uh. Good. You?" I ask as we move up in the line.

Bella shrugs, then she looks down for a minute as if she's trying to figure something out. Then she pulls her hair back with her hand, gathering it at the base of her neck. This pulls the hair back from where it was resting. Her coat is open and I can see some of her skin is exposed by the collar of her shirt. She looks back at me and I can't believe I have to fucking fight with myself to stop staring at the exposed skin.

"Is your family still in town? How is the wedding planning going?"

"Yeah. They're here for a few more days. I guess it's going okay. My parent's dining room is a jungle of wedding shit."

Bella laughs lightly before tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Are you still staying in Forks then?"

"Nope. I'm back at my place."

And...apparently I can't even hold a normal fucking conversation today. Our drink orders are taken and I slide my card across the counter to pay for both.

"Edward, I can buy my own coffee."

"I'm sure you _can_, Bella. But you don't _have_ to," I say back with a smile.

She blushes and mumbles a thank you as we move to the counter at the end and wait for our drinks to be complete.

Bella's drink is done first and she moves to the condiment counter to adjust it to her liking. She seems deep in thought at something. I have to laugh a little at the fact that she fumbles with the Splenda packets and gets some of the hot coffee on her hand, causing her to retract her hand back quickly and shake it from the sensation. She caps her drink just as I'm making my way over to her with mine and looks up at me with a small smile even though her eyes look uncertain as they are unable to focus on one thing.

"I, uhm. I'm running late, so I'm gonna go," she says, pointing behind her towards the door.

I watch her and nod in understanding. I swear, I see a hurt and confused expression cross her face, but I can't be sure because she spins around so fast.

_Shit. You're being a dick again._

"Hey, Bella," I call to her as she reaches the door and take a few steps in her direction, "we're having a band play at _Eclipse_ tomorrow night. Come."

"Yeah?" Her face lights up in a smile, "which band?" I can't be sure, but I think she's trying to hide her excitement.

"_The Gingers_."

"Really? I love them. Same time as before?"

"Huh? Before?"

"Yeah, the night of _Steal Tease_," Bella says as a small shudder runs through her, "the show started at nine. So same time as before?"

"Oh, you went to that?"

"Yes. With Alice. I had such a great time too," she says in a forlorn tone. It occurs to me then that the night in question was just before the night Jasper woke me up in the middle of the night threatening to kill Mike Newton for hurting Bella. That night has to be infinitely more significant for her, which explains her tone now. It does not, however, explain my sudden need to crash my fist into a wall.

"Yeah, the show starts at 9. But I'll be there all day, so come by whenever."

She smiles at me. A real fucking smile. "Tomorrow then," she says and walks out the door, still wearing the same smile.

**~F&FS~  
**

"Dude, did you see that spread last night? Fucking weak!" Emmett shouts as he walks over to bar one. I already know he's about to go on a fucking tangent about the Portland Trailblazers having their ass handed to them by the Boston Celtics. Despite the fact that he knows I hate the NBA, we have this conversation at least twice a week.

"Well, if they took their eyes off of their fucking pockets and focused on the ball, it wouldn't be so fucking pathetic."

"Here we go."

"What? You know I'm right. There's no fucking heart in the NBA, that's why that shit sucks. All they fucking care about are endorsements and getting their dicks wet."

"I'll toast to that."

I turn around at the intrusion. Annoyed at the interruption and interested in finding out who shares the same opinion of the waste of money that is the NBA.

"Luther," the guy sitting at the bar says, extending his hand.

"Edward," I say, while grasping his in a shake.

"Now football is a sport I can get behind," Luther says, bringing his hand back to his scotch glass. "The hard work the players put in. They bust their ass whether its on the field or off - and the recognition they do or don't get doesn't matter."

"Yeah, it takes some balls to get knocked around like that for hours."

"It doesn't take much to prance up and down a covered hardwood floor," Luther replies with a laugh. "Even some of the older players in the NFL like Hasselback still play because it's what they love and not because of what they get paid. His old ass doesn't have any fucking endorsements going on."

"True. I can do football. Emmett over there used to play, but I'm more of a baseball guy."

"Baseball is all American. It doesn't get any better than that."

"I've always loved the game. Played in high school, but gave that shit up for real life. I still play for the hell of it sometimes."

"We'll see if the Mariners are smart enough to sign Matsui for next season."

"Ha! If they can fucking afford him."

We both laugh at that and I refill his scotch glass while we talk about baseball some more.

Checking the time, I notice that it's about seven as I see Emmett escorting _The Gingers_ into the lounge to set up and sound check. DJ Silver is in his booth setting up. I excuse myself from talking with Luther and tell Alec to take over as I head upstairs to get ready for the night.

I come back down a little while later to see Luther still sitting at the bar, chatting up with Alec and some girl. I give him a head nod and make my way into the lounge as _The Gingers_ are wrapping up their sound check.

Denise brings some drinks for the girls of the band and Emmett and I shoot the shit with them before they head backstage to rest up before the show.

Guests have started to file in, some settling into the lounge. Some hanging out by the various bars. I head back out into the main room and on my way to the DJ Booth, I notice that Luther is gone from the bar. DJ Silver is in the middle of telling me a story about this set at a private party he did last weekend, and the teenage daughter of the home owner giving blow jobs to various people in the pool house while her mother snorted coke off the stomach of the pool boy and the father fucked the maid in her quarters, when the front door opens and she walks in.

Bella.

She's laughing at something, and I'm drawn to her laughter as she throws her head back. Behind her, another girl walks in also laughing. I've seen her with Bella before on Halloween, but I don't actually know who she is. Bella looks in my direction and we make eye contact; she smiles brightly and waves. I wink at her and she blushes. What the fuck is she wearing?

It's going to be a long fucking night.

* * *

**A/N  
So...who was Edward's mysterious visitor?**

**Next up: "Damagella" has a turning point. And we found out what she wore to Eclipse.**

**The Cullens go skiing: Cortina d'Ampezzo** (http:/www(dot)dolomiti(dot)org/dengl/cortINA/index(dot)html)

**Translations**  
_Nonna_- Grandmother  
_Adagio Molto_- Very Slowly  
_il mio vero amore-_ my true love

This is the full Lullaby translation, though I only used part of it in the chapter.

_Chiudi gli occhi dolce orsetto/ posa il capo sul mio petto/ canterò fino al mattino/ qui' poggiata sul cuscino/ Canterò una melodia/ sin che il buio non va via,/sarò accanto col sorriso/finchè il sole vedrà il tuo viso._

Close your eyes sweet bearcub/ rest your head on my chest/ I will sing till the morning/ here resting on a pillow/ I will sing a melody/ till darkness leaves/I will be near you smiling/till the sun will see your face

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**


	24. Ch 23: Unguarded

**A/N:**

**This chapter is heavily laden with music. I've made a mixpod for it if you care for a listen: ****http:/www(dot)mixpod(dot)com/playlist/38692831**

**Hugs & Kisses to cclore and PhoenixMP3.**

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS! *mwah***

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

**

* * *

**

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 23: Unguarded **

**Bella Swan POV**

**

* * *

**

Standing there, watching the retreating silver car, illuminated by lightning strikes cutting across the dark sky, the bright taillights becoming dimmer the further away he gets, I feel a tear spring from my eye and roll down my cheek.

I will not cry.

I slam the door and lock it, resting my hand on the door jam and my head against the soft grain of the mahogany colored wood.

I will not cry.

I turn around and bolt up the stairs to my room, tripping on the stairs twice and cursing their benign existence.

I will not cry.

Once in my room, I strip off my clothes in a fury. They're soaking wet, so they stick to my skin, making it more difficult. I stumble trying to take my boots off, forgetting they are laced up over my jeans. Stupid me tried to take my jeans off first. Sitting down in the chair by the window, I unlace my boots and throw them across the floor. Stupid boots.

I will not cry.

I manage to get the rest of my clothes off without incident and somehow manage to make it to the bathroom to take a shower. I turn the water on and hop in, completely ignoring the ice cold water making me shiver to the bone.

I will not cry.

I cry! Hard. A horrible sob escapes me, and I set my back against the shower wall. I cry so hard, I almost stop breathing. He kissed me and then he ran. He ran like some coward afraid to face me. Afraid to face himself. I had an almost perfect day, with a definitely perfect guy and now I'm in the shower, crying like a stupid girl. And I'm mad. I'm mad at him; I'm mad at myself. I knew this would happen and I let it. Just like that mess with Mike. I continue to cry about the overwhelming amount of emotions swirling in my brain and in my heart.

And then it stops suddenly and I break into a laugh. _I'm going crazy_. I was already on the brink of madness and Edward Cullen drove me over. My laughing is sick, crazy, psycho laughter. Laughter like an evil villain in a bad horror movie like _Dr. Giggles_. The horrible sound bounces off of the shower tiles and resonates in the bathroom as I try to get a damn grip on it; but I can't. I think I prefer the crying.

Why am I laughing? What could possibly be so funny?

_You, Bella. You're funny. You just ran the length of human emotion in all of five minutes. _

And after all of the cry baby sobbing and psycho laughing, one thing is clear; I still want him.

I don't want to fight it. It felt good. It felt right. _He _felt right. But I remember having similar thoughts about Mike and that terrifies me.

I have no idea what to do with myself.

I get out of the shower, quickly dry off and throw on some clothes. I head back downstairs, throwing my hair up into a ponytail on the way as my bare feet thump on the carpet. I reach the first floor, and I grab the basket of apples I left by the door, also checking the locks one more time. I walk into the kitchen and put the apples in the sink, running the faucet so the cool water splashes over them as I start to gather things to make an apple pie. I couldn't sleep if I wanted to. Plus, I need Alice, and I need to stay busy until she gets here.

I run out to the hallway and grab my iPod from my bag that I left there last night and plug it into the iHome in the kitchen. Too flustered to make a decision, I just choose shuffle and let it go.

The strings of _Bloody Motherfuckin Asshole_ by _Martha Wainright_ starts to play as I scrub each apple meticulously, scraping off the protective film that formed from the non-toxic pesticides and imagining scrubbing the skin off of Mike's face for what he has put me through. I hate him. I can honestly now say I hate him. I wasn't sure before; I doubted it. But in this moment, I know I hate him. I hate how he made me feel; I hate what he did to me. I hate him. I hate that I am now even more damaged and possibly ruined for the rest of my life. I can't see past the pain.

Each apple is scrubbed, then placed on the towel to the side. Shiny, granny smith apples. I bite one, and I instinctively think of Edward. His favorite apple. His green eyes. The softness of his hand against my cheek after I bit his favorite apple and his green eyes bore into mine. I throw the apple across the room and will him from my thoughts. He's not Mike, I know. But his actions just add to the pain.

The song changes to _One Step Closer_ just as my blemished apple hits the wall with a thud. I start to slice the apples, perfectly symmetrical pieces to layer into the pie for filling. I cannot handle one more piece of pain. If anything else goes wrong, it will be the final nail in my coffin. I'm sure of it. I continue to slice the apple, and it reminds me of the crescent shaped scar on my foot from the offending piece of glass the night of my parents unsolved murder. Whoever took them, took a piece of me. A huge chunk I have never been able to replace. Leaving me shattered and broken. A girl needs her parents. Mr. and Mrs. Brandon tried so very hard to give me the kind of upbringing every girl deserves. But as hard as they tried and as much as I really do appreciate everything they did, it could never be enough because they aren't my parents.

My "A" papers should have been hanging on the yellow fridge in our comfy kitchen. It should have been Renee to take me to the store to buy my first box of tampons, and Charlie running screaming from the bathroom at the offending wrapper in the trash. It should have been Charlie to teach me how to drive, gripping the dashboard as I almost hurl the car into an embankment off of the side of the road. Had my parents still been alive, maybe I would have enjoyed middle school and high school instead of recoiling from every kind of interaction like a scared kitten. Renee could have dressed me up for dances, and Charlie could have tried to scare my date off while cleaning his shot gun when my date came to pick me up. Maybe my date could have been Edward then because I would have paid more attention to the beautiful star pitcher of the school's baseball team and maybe he would have noticed me if I wasn't so busy shielding myself from others. I doubt he would have been scared of Charlie and his double barreled shot gun. Edward doesn't seem like he's ever been scared of anything. It should have been my parents clapping and screaming and causing me utter embarrassment as Charlie tried to maneuver the video camera to capture me accepting my high school diploma and giving my valedictorian speech. And again, it should have been them doing the same thing with slightly more gray hair when I completed my time at NYU with honors.

Throw Mike into the mix, and I'm just a shell of a person I think just as _Beautifully Broken_ breaks into the quiet of the kitchen.

Sometimes, my iPod just gets me.

Various songs come on as my iPod cycles on shuffle through Anna Nalick, Alexz Johnson, Carrie Underwood and Matchbox Twenty.

Listening to _Butterfly_ by Alicia Keys, infinitely more calm, no more apple throwing. I finally start to knead the dough for the crust as I hum along to the melody. Off key for sure, but no one is around to hear me so it doesn't matter.

"Bella?" Alice calls from the entrance to the kitchen. I am expecting her, but hearing her voice still startles me. "What's going on?" she asks, bending down to pick up the discarded apple.

What do I say? I have no idea, so I just tell her the first thing that comes to mind. The thing that started this entire night of Emo-Bella, schizophrenia.

"He kissed me."

Alice squeals and hops onto the high top stool against the counter. "How? Where? When? How was it?"

"Oh my god, Ali. It was so perfect," I start, unable to contain myself. "It was right on the porch after he brought me home from apple picking. We were both soaking wet from the downpour, and he just kept getting closer and closer. I felt rooted to the spot, like there was nowhere for me to go and I didn't want to. I wanted it to happen, and I was hoping it would happen and then it did. He kissed me and it was so soft. I felt like he was giving me back the air I had lost because I was practically hyperventilating in anticipation of what might happen. Our chests were pressed together, and I could practically feel every inch of him. Tiny tinglys ran through me, hitting every nerve and muscle. And when his hand found the hair at the base of my neck, I thought I was going to lose it. I melted. I just wanted to melt into him and stay there."

Alice squeals and bounces in the stool, "So then what?"

"So then he left, like ran away. I've never seen a person move so fast. Not even you." And it's true. If I think Alice is a blur of speed, I must have never seen Edward on the go because his departure was the fastest thing I have ever seen. If I blinked, I would have missed it.

"Edward is really very stubborn, Bella. You need to make him see you for the fantastic girl you are. That's twice he has kissed you now, but he'll stubbornly fight it, because he won't want to hurt you and because it doesn't make sense to him."

"What do you mean by not wanting to hurt me? Does he know about..." I trail off and I start to feel a panic rise in my chest. I'm not sure I will ever be able to tell him. Not if I want him to be more than my friend. Being a friend with damaged goods is one thing, but how can someone so perfect ever try and love something so imperfect. _Love? Slow down, Bella. You're getting way ahead of yourself._ Friend or something more, I certainly don't want him to find out about my horrors from someone else.

"No. He doesn't know. Well he knows that Mike has hit you. It came up when the guys moved your stuff, and he saw some of your bruises that day. Plus, it doesn't take a genius to know that you have been through something, even if they don't know what is it. And Edward is no dummy, so I'm sure he's figured that much out."

I feel my body tense up at the mention of my bruises, the outward appearance of them now gone with the exception of the small mark on my left hip where I bear another mark for my parents. Mike's college ring had dug into the skin while he was gripping me, and it cut pretty deep. There is still a sign of that mark there. And to know that Edward has seen some of them bothers me. It gives him some knowledge of what I am and sheds light on something I want to bury very deeply.

"How do you know this? How do you know he won't want to hurt me?"

"You know, Bella. For someone so smart, you are awfully dumb. I've been around you two a handful of times and I can see it. He's very in tune to you. Where you are, how you feel. And you are to him as well. You literally shift to one another. On Halloween, sitting at the bar, he leaned forward and you leaned into him. When he shifted to the left to grab something, so did you. In the hallway here, that same night when you hugged him, he curved around you like a shield. I saw it and so did Jasper. And he's much softer with you."

"He's softer with you, too. He hugs you and gives you kisses and stuff," I say pouting and looking down at the dough I've been kneading.

"I knew that bothered you! I should have dragged your ass back in the house and made you have it out with me. And then made you put a coat on."

"Please, like I would have caved that easily. Besides, not wearing a coat did end up working out. I have Edward's soft, fleece hoodie now," I say with a huge smile.

"Really?" Alice squeals. "Did you take it or did he give it to you?"

"He offered it to me on the hayride. Well, more like insisted I put it on. He took it off, then helped me put it on. It's impossibly huge, but it smells like him and it's very soft."

"See, I told you. He's very in tune. Bella, I love Jasper. He is it for me. Besides, Edward isn't my type, so you don't have to worry about that."

"Edward is everyone's type, Alice. Have you seen him?" I say with a laugh and she laughs back.

"I love Edward like a brother. An annoying, overbearing brother and nothing more. I'm pretty sure we'd end up killing each other if we tried a relationship," Alice says, making a gagging sound.

"I'm so scared," I say, causing the silly mood to shift. "I practically gave Mike everything and look how that turned out. I don't know if I can do that again. I don't even know if Edward would want me."

"Bella, Bella, Bella. Edward wants you. That much is clear. It may not be clear to him or to you, which is amusing to say the least. You are two of the dumbest, smart people I know," she says with a shake of her head.

"I thought I saw it. I thought maybe, just possibly, he feels a little of what I feel. Right after the kiss broke and I looked in his eyes, for a brief moment I thought the want, the need, and the hope were there. And then, they were gone. He was gone."

"I know you may not remember much about high school, but it's always been my penchant in life to know _everything_ about _everyone_." I laugh thinking about how people used to call Alice 'Page Six' in high school. "Edward doesn't take time to get to know girls. Edward doesn't have girlfriends. Edward doesn't have friends that are girls. Well, except me because I don't give him a choice. He didn't then and he doesn't now. He is perfectly content with his small inner circle. It's easier for him to have control that way. But you have crossed two of the three. You are his friend, and he is taking time getting to know you. This is a big deal, Bella. Huge."

I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. To hear that I have been able to penetrate some of his steely barriers is amazing to me. Alice is right; I don't know that much about Edward's relationship history. _But what if can't __cross__ the third_?

"So what are you going to do about it now?" Alice asks, sneaking a piece of my cut apples.

"I have no idea. Nothing I guess."

"Bella, that is just not acceptable."

"Well, Alice. What exactly do you expect me to do? Stroll into _Eclipse_ and dry hump him?

"That would certainly get his attention, but no. I expect you to not be a wuss about this. If you want him, go and get him."

"I'm not you, Alice. I can't just do that. For one, I don't know how. Secondly, I'm just not you. I don't have that confidence and assurance that you were born with. I can't even fake it."

"You don't have to fly solo on this. I'll help you. But sometimes, you can't just wait for things to happen, ya know? Sometimes, you have to make them happen. So, you and Edward have this like turn-for-turn thing going right?"

"I'm not sure I see what you mean."

Alice rolls her eyes. "You asked him to the class, he asked you apple picking. It's your turn to ask again."

"Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, I guess so. I never thought about it that way."

"Of course not. This is why you need me."

"Oh? I thought it was for the fashion tips? Who knows what kind of a mess I would be, if you didn't tell me what kind of shirt goes with high wasted jeans." We both laugh, probably remembering the complete mishap of me trying to wear waist high pants last fall. All wrong.

"Anyway," Alice starts as her laughter subsides, "it's your turn to suggest something. What are we going to come up with?"

"We?" I ask with a quirked eyebrow.

"Yes 'we,' Bella. I already told you, you don't have to do this alone." Then she hops off of the stool and starts to leave the kitchen. "I'm going to shower and change. I'll be back and let's brainstorm."

I go back to kneading my neglected dough with a smile on my face.

**~F&FS~  
**

Practically sprinting away from Starbucks, I jump in my car and I slam the door shut and pull out my phone to call Alice. I'm already running late, but I don't care, this can't wait. I look in my rear-view mirror, and I see Edward exit Starbucks and turn in the opposite direction; he must have chosen to walk to work today. He told me once that he does that from time to time. I remember doing that when I lived in Seattle too, but it's a lot chillier of a day than I would have normally chosen to walk.

I watch as he walks down the sidewalk to the light on the corner. He pauses and waits for the lights to change so he can cross the street. He takes two sips of his coffee and then slides his hands through his hair before taking two more sips. The light changes and he crosses with other pedestrians, but his gait is so strong and smooth that he stands out from the rest of the bumbling people around him. He gets across and then turns left, headed in the direction of _Eclipse,_ and I watch as he takes long, elegant and sure strides down the block, taking occasional sips of his coffee and managing to not spill it on himself. I know if it were me, I'd be wearing it by now, most of it. I watch him until I can no longer see his legs close to the ground or his gorgeous bronze locks flying in the wind, at least a full head above everyone else...

"Bella!" Alice's voice is shouting through the phone and grabbing my attention.

"Sorry, I was uhm, distracted."

"I've been calling you for like two minutes. What the hell are you doing?"

"Watching Edward," I say sheepishly and Alice laughs.

"Figures. So what's up?"

"He wants me to come to _Eclipse_ tomorrow."

"Wait. Start at the beginning."

"I saw him at Starbucks; we talked. Awkwardly, but we talked. He told me to come to _Eclipse _tomorrow. _The Gingers_ are playing."

"Oh, you love them. Does he know that?"

"No, we've never talked about it."

"Huh. Okay. So what's the problem? You _are _going, aren't you?"

"No. Yes. No. I don't know. Yes. But what do I wear? How do I act?"

"Leave the clothes up to me. I'll lay something out for you before I leave for New York. As for how to act, be yourself. You're fantastic; it's about time you both realize this. So why was it awkward? Did you trip on a splash stick or something?" she says laughing.

"Ha-ha, Ali. No. _He_ was awkward. I thought I was going to turn around and run out of the door when I saw him there. I mean, I felt him, but I'm still not used to that, ya know? The stomach clenching and staticy feeling. So when I saw him, I almost panicked. And when I approached him, I was definitely on the verge of panic. I have no idea how I survived that. It was more like watching me live through it than actually living it. Does that make sense?"

"Yes. It makes perfect sense. It was probably adrenaline or something like that."

"Uh, right. So I survived it. I have _no_ idea what I said. Oh, and he bought my coffee. Can you believe that?"

"Bella, oh my god. Please open your damn eyes. If you told me he didn't pay for your coffee, I would be surprised."

"Really?"

"Yes. I don't have time to explain it right now if you want me to get an outfit ready for you. Just pay more attention okay?"

She reminds me of what her itinerary is for her trip, and I roll my eyes, reminding her that I haven't forgotten from the last ten times she told me. I hang up with her and head to work, late. But it was well worth it.

**~F&FS~  
**

I could kill Alice. I could brutally murder Alice. I could tie her down and make sure the trains run over her tiny frame. I could strangle her to death. I cannot believe what she picked out for me to wear. She gave me explicit instructions that I was not to open the garment bag until six thirty on Thursday. Standing here looking at the contents of the bag, I want to kill her!

"Bella, it's fine. Just put it on," Angela says, standing next to me.

Fricken Alice. She knew what she was doing, telling me not to look until the last minute. She knew if I didn't look until the last minute that I'd have a hard time getting out of wearing what she picked. With a huge sigh, I go into my bathroom to take a shower.

Angela came home with me after work because I asked her to for two reasons. One, I stayed here last night by myself and did not get any sleep. Alice has not come home before, but knowing she was in New York and not just in Olympia or staying at Jasper's really freaked me out. I'm not exaggerating when I say I got out of bed eleven times to obsessively check the locks on the front door, the back door, and from the small garage mainly used for storage. Call me paranoid, but I am convinced I was being watched, and it's not the first time I've felt that way. And every time I fell asleep, for even a moment, the horrific string of nightmares that came to me was almost too much to bear. I took Ambien, I downed a few shots, I tried masturbating, I tried to recite Alice's lullaby, but it's not the same if she doesn't sing it. I clutched the card and Edward's fleece, which did help to soothe me to fall asleep, but I couldn't stay that way. All of it was no use. My entire nervous system was shot and when it was all said and done, I didn't get any sleep.

Secondly, I knew I would not make it to _Eclipse_ alone. If I was left to my own devices, I would have come home, taken a shower, put on my comfies and curled up in my bed with my battered copy of Oliver Twist that I started reading again and my iPod. Completely forgoing all social acts as well as dinner. But I really wanted to go and I know Ang likes _Eclipse_ a lot. I was so excited when she agreed to come home with me pre-_Eclipse_ and stay the night with me post-_Eclipse_.

Once out of the shower, I see my bedroom is empty, Angela has probably gone downstairs. I blow dry my hair, but not all the way. Just enough to take out the excess moisture and to shape the ends. Truthfully, on most days, I like the way my hair dries naturally, but it's so long and thick that it takes hours to get to that point and then I'm washing it all over again before it's completely dry.

Standing in front of the mirror in my bra and underwear, I throw on some light makeup. Nothing special, just enough to accent my features. I love mascara, and I don't think I could go one day without it. I've never been a blush kind of girl; I've always felt that was for the older generations. Besides, my blush is natural and practically constant. No need to draw attention to an already prominent issue. I really like this olive green eyeshadow that Alice gave me, so I use that as well. I know if she were here, she'd have me all dolled up with that smoky eye look and pouty lips thing she's always raving about. But she's not here and considering the outfit she chose for me, I might as well try and be comfortable.

I slink into the dress Alice chose and I'm pulling it down as Angela steps into the room.

"It's not going to get any longer you know."

"Can't blame a girl for trying," I say as I grab my clutch from the bed and head out of the room to my bag downstairs to shove the necessities into it.

"You're pretty on edge, maybe I should drive," Angela says once I'm all set and ready to go. I just nod because it really makes no difference to me.

Arriving at _Eclipse_, I think my heart just about jumps out of my chest. I am so nervous. I'm more nervous than the last time I came here with Alice. I can feel my mouth go dry and my palms start to sweat, but it's not a panic attack. At least not like panic attacks I've had before. Maybe it's a new kind. I really have no idea. I grip the dashboard in front of me as Angela asks if I'm okay and if I need anything. I can hear the panic in her voice as I will myself to calm down.

Just then, the door opens and a familiar voice calls my name.

"Bella! So nice to see you again. It's been a while. I thought I'd be seeing more of you," Seth says as he reaches down to my level, holding out his hand to help me out.

"Thanks," is really all I can say because I haven't calmed down. Not one bit.

"You know, Bella. You get more attractive every time I see you. I might have to get in line to take you out."

Seth's compliment makes me laugh a little, and I feel my nerves start to relax. "It's a pretty short line, Seth. Non-existent even."

"Oh yeah? Does that look like a non-existent line to you?" he asks, pointing in the direction of the queue line behind the velvet rope. "Those dudes in that line have been eyeing you since you planted one sexy leg out the door and onto the concrete."

I glance at the line and I do notice that people, men, are staring at me. It has the combined affect of creeping me out and boosting my confidence slightly. If they like it, maybe Edward will too. I'm sure that was Alice's intentions for putting me in this piece of cloth. Angela and I make our way to the door, not bothering to get in line just as the last time I was here with Alice.

"Ms. Swan," the bouncer says, stepping aside and opening the door for us. It's the same bouncer from my first time here.

"Wow, Bella. What are you, some kind of V.I.P. or something?" I have to laugh at Angela's question as the door is opened and we enter. "No, seriously," she continues, "Ms. Swan?"

We're both laughing as we step into _Eclipse_, the front room dimly lit by strategically placed lights. But as dark as it is, I can still see _him_. My eyes focus on Edward standing in the DJ booth, watching me as I walk more into the room. To this day, I still swear I have never seen anything more beautiful than Edward Cullen. Someone needs to cryogenically freeze him and put him on display for decades to come. No one should have to miss this.

I smile at him, it's unavoidable, and I wave in case he can't see me in the dim light. He winks at me before his eyes troll down my body, and I anxiously wait for his eyes to meet mine again. His eyes narrow for a second before they meet mine and he smiles. I've been here for two minutes and my heart is pounding; I keep holding my breath, my legs are wobbly, and my blush is as strong as ever. This is going to be a long night.

The DJ says something to Edward and he starts to respond back. I move to take a step in his direction when I'm suddenly swept in the air by a pair of very strong arms, and it can only be one person.

"Bella Bear! Shit, it's been a long ass time. How ya been?" Emmett says as he spins me around.

"I'm good, Emmett. Can you put me down now?" Emmett sets me down, and I try to regain my balance as well as make sure that my already too short dress has not ridden up to expose the small parts of me that are covered. To my left, Angela is laughing at the display.

"Hi, I'm Angela. I work with Bella," she says, sticking her hand out to shake Emmett's hand. Emmett ignores her hand and pulls her into a bone crushing hug, causing her to squeal just like I did when he hoisted me in the air. Now it's my turn to laugh.

"Emmett McCarty, nice to meet you. Any friend of Bella Bear's is a friend of mine," he says, releasing her from his grasp. She shakes out her arms to try and get the blood flowing again and I continue to laugh.

"Emmett, one of these days you're going to send someone to the fucking hospital with those hugs," I hear Edward's voice behind me. My entire being goes on alert, sensing him. He moves forward so he is now standing in front of me and next to Emmett. I have yet to look at him, but instead I stare at the floor as if anything there could be any more interesting than him.

"Hi, Bella. I brought you a drink. Grey Goose and tonic with a lime if I remember correctly," he says, handing me a glass. I just nod. "Hi, I'm Edward," he says, turning to Angela.

"Oh my god! I'm sorry. Where are my manners? Edward, this is Angela. Angela, this is Edward. Uhm, Angela is a good friend of mine and co-worker."I don't bother trying to define Edward. I wouldn't be able to decide what to define him as anyways. What I want him to be or what I think he is.

Edward nods. "Can I get you a drink, Angela?" he asks with an award winning smile and my heart skips a beat.

"Sure, Malibu and Diet Coke, please."

Edward nods and heads off to the bar to get Angela a drink; my internal disappointment at his leaving must have been displayed on my face because suddenly Emmett is laughing. I snap my head in his direction. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing" he says, still laughing as he starts to walk away. I'm almost sure I hear him say something along the lines of 'Poor Eddie isn't gonna know what hit him,' but I can't be sure as his back is now to me and the music is playing.

Edward returns a moment later and hands Angela her drink before starting up a conversation. "So, Angela, you do the same thing as Bella? Cook book editing?" Angela nods. "So you go on those author meetings too then?" I stare at him; I know I told him what I do and we've talked about work a few times, but it never occurred to me that he might actually digest what I said.

"Yes and no. I do a lot of mine by video-conference because I have a different region than Bella's. But it's generally the same thing."

"Why not just travel to the authors then?"

"I don't really like to fly. So I try not to as much as possible."

Edward nods in understanding before turning to me. "We should head into the lounge; the band will start soon." He starts off in the direction of the lounge and I fall into step behind him with Angela next to me. I've only been in here three times. All three times the night _Steal Tease_ played. Once when Jasper gave us a tour, during the show, and then being lured in here by the sounds of the piano.

He leads us to the side of the room where a raised structure is settled against the wall. Sheer gold curtains line the back and sides of the booth, which probably surround the entire thing when they aren't tied back by black ropes. The booth contains a black leather couch that lines the far left side and curves around the back wall. There are also several other circular seats spread out inside the booth as well as low tables that have small candles casting shadows amongst the curtains and furniture. It's beautiful. On top of one of the tables is a three slotted silver ice bucket and each slot is filled with a bottle of champagne, a bottle of Grey Goose and a bottle of Malibu respectably; all on ice. _Wow_.

Edward moves to the side and gestures for us to take a seat. I settle on the couch, and Angela picks one of the little round seats opposite me. From where I'm sitting, I have a perfect view of the stage. I don't have to try and reach to see beyond people's heads.

Edward says he'll be right back and disappears for a few moments.

"So, who's _not_ V.I.P. again, 'Ms. Swan'?" Angela says in her best mocking tone. I grab an ice cube from the bucket and toss it at her, but she ducks out of the way and it sails past her head, and I see Edward standing there as he reaches out to grab the flying ice cube.

"You need to work on your aim, Bella. What exactly were you trying to hit anyway? Because if you were aiming for an actual target, you were way off," he says, laughing. Angela joins him and I just roll my eyes.

"What time is Ben coming?" I ask Angela, trying to deflect attention from me. Just as Edward makes his way over to the couch and sits down not far from where I'm seated.

"Probably close to 11. He was going to play pool with some buddies and then come by. Hip-hop is more his thing, so I don't think he wants to see the band."

The lights dim just as the band starts to walk out on the stage. There are some cat calls in the crowd and some whistling contributing to the environment. _The Gingers_ start to play _Don't Lose Love_, the song that made them locally famous, and I can feel myself getting excited. I shift on the couch and lean in the direction of the stage, watching the set with eager attention.

Emmett comes in a few times and jokes with Edward mostly. At one point I saw him punch Edward in the arm and I think Edward may have flinched. I stifled a laugh at that. A few songs and a few drinks in, because somehow my glass never seems to empty even though I keep drinking from it, Angela pulls me up from the couch to dance with her as _Let Go_ starts to play. This happens to be my personal favorite song from _The Gingers_. I dance along with Angela, jumping around and hip bumping while belting out the lyrics.

_Let go and take it._

_Take it for yourself._

_Let go._

_Let go and take it._

_Don't do it for anybody else._

_Let go._

While dancing with Angela, I look at Edward, and he's watching us with an amused smile on his face. I feel a little unsteady under his gaze, so I grab my drink from the table and take a long drag through the tiny straw before setting it back down and dancing with Angela.

_The Gingers_ play a few more up beat songs before they settle into a slower song. Angela and I both make our way back to our seats, and I plop down next to Edward on the couch with my legs tucked underneath me. In this semi-seated position, I am just about at eye height with him.

"This is really great. Thanks for bringing us up here," I say as I get situated.

"Jasper didn't bring you here for _Steal Tease_?" Edward asks, confused.

I shake my head no while taking a sip of my drink, causing my hair to spill down across my shoulders and into my face.

"Oh. I use it more anyway. Emmett, too."

"I bet you bring all the girls up here," I say with a ridiculous giggle.

"Actually no. Never for me, but Emmett may have brought Rosalie in here before. I don't want to fucking think about it though," he says running his hands through his hair.

"There are two rooms. The other one across the lounge," he says pointing in the direction across the room and I turn to see where he is pointing, "is the one usually reserved by patrons. This one has a better view because not only can you see the stage, you can see every fucking thing and everyone in the room. So while we do option this one out, it's more fun for private use and shit," he says with that devilishly hot, crooked grin.

"I can only imagine," I mumble under my breath and try to hide behind the shield of my hair. I suddenly find myself imagining me and Edward locked in this V.I.P. booth with the curtains completely drawn and nothing but the candles for a sign of light.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing I'm uh, thirsty. I was saying I need another drink."

Edward quirks a brow at me. He doesn't believe one word of the load I'm shoveling, but I am certainly not going to tell him that I just had naughty thoughts about him in this very room. I'm not that kind of girl, and I don't think I've ever had these kinds of thoughts while awake. In my head, they don't sound so absurd. But I'm sure blurting out, "I want you to kiss me and use your hands all over my body like I've only dreamed of," sounds completely ridiculous out loud.

He hands me a refilled glass, and I hop up and go stand next to Angela as the band plays their last few songs.

"So? What's going on with sex on legs?" Angela asks, and I nearly choke on my drink.

"Nothing. We're just friends," I say, looking down into my glass.

"Right. Keep deluding yourself. Because from where I've been sitting all night, you two are like a pair of magnets drawn to each other."

"Hmph. Alice said something similar. But I don't see it."

Angela goes to speak, but is interrupted by Edward as he comes over.

"Do you want to meet them?" he asks, bending down close to my ear so I can hear him.

"Who?" I ask, slightly muddle brained.

"The band, Bella. Do you want to meet them?"

"Oh. Yes! Oh my god, yes please. I love them." I say, spinning around to face him. His face is now inches away from mine before he pulls away and stands up straight.

"You may have mentioned that before," he says with a laugh. He then ushers us out of the booth and towards the backstage area, and we wait while _The Gingers_ give their sign off. Moments later the four members of the band come rushing through the door to the side, and I have to stop myself from squealing. I'm just that excited.

"Hey, Dana," Edward calls over to the lead singer, "I want to introduce you to some people. This is Bella and this is Angela," he says, directing to both of us.

"Well, it's great to meet you both," Dana says, grabbing our hands in a firm handshake. The rest of the band makes its way over, and we get to shake hands with Janelle, Misty and Caitlin.

"I love you guys, girls or whatever," I blurt out and the band laughs. "No, seriously. Two years ago when I was home for fall break, my best friend and I went around to different places looking for new music and you guys were playing at The Druid, and I fell in love with your sound."

"It's always great to hear fan stories; especially the local ones," Misty says.

"Hey, Bella. Ben is here, so I'm gonna go get him okay?" Angela says.

"I'll do it," Edward says. "He's at the door?" Angela nods in confirmation.

I watch him walk away, and it makes me kind of sad. Even though I know he'll be back in like two seconds.

"God, Bella. He'll be right back," Angela says, causing me to blush and focus on her.

"Am I that obvious?" I say more to myself than anyone else, but I get a collective 'yes' in response from the five other people in the room. We're all laughing just as Edward comes back in with Ben and two new drinks for us both; Ben has a beer.

"What's so funny?" Edward asks when he makes his way close enough to see us all laughing.

"Nothing, girl stuff. You wouldn't get it," Dana says jokingly to Edward and he laughs a little.

"No. Probably not. I won't even pretend to fucking try." He hands me my drink and I take a sip, but Angela decides she's done for the night because she's driving home.

We talk to the band a little longer. Their manager comes around and takes pictures for us as we chat and laugh. There are some group shots and individual poses. It's kind of ridiculous. I feel like I'm at some sort of fan photo-op except there are no other fans. Just me to get all the pictures I want. Eventually, they have to get going back to their hotel. Janelle has to get back to her baby and relieve the traveling nanny for the night. They give us a couple of signed CD's before they go.

"They're pretty cool girls," Ben says as we make our way back into the main club area of_ Eclipse_.

"They are. I've known them for years. They're a great fucking time," Edward replies.

"Really?" I ask, just in awe that he knows this band that I adore personally, and for a long time.

"Dana and I went to Stanford together. Well, until she decided 'fuck business' and took on her band life full time."

"How come they never went mainstream? Not that I'm complaining. I'm just curious."

"It's just not who they are. Not the kind of shit that they ever wanted."

I just nod as we make our way into the main room. Angela immediately pulls me onto the dance floor. Ben joins us shortly after.

About five songs later, I think, but who knows at this point, I see Edward along the side of the dance floor talking to someone when I hear the drums of _Carry Out_ by _Timbaland with Justin Timberlake_ come through the speakers. I love this song. I've been listening to it incessantly since the album came out. Seeing Edward standing there, I decide I want him. Now. And I'm going to take him however I can get him. _Feeling bold, Bella?_ _Yes._

I walk over to the side of the dance floor, and he looks up just as I'm approaching him.

"What's up, Bella?" he asks with a smile.

"Come dance with me, Edward," I say, grabbing his hand. "Please."

For just a second, I think he's going to say no and I start to brace myself for the disappointment, but then he surprises me and grabs my hand back and ends up pulling me behind him as we make our way back to where Angela is now dancing with Ben. I'm so excited that I think I actually skip on our way to the dance floor.

He spins me around once, causing me to giggle a little. _How much did I drink again_? With my back now to him, he pulls me closer so our bodies are pressed together. His scent swirls around me as I sway my hips to the beat of the music, grinding into him. I moan when I feel his hardness against my ass, and I pray to the fates that he didn't hear me. Maybe Alice is right, maybe he does want me just as much as I want him. _But does he want more than sex like I do_?

The song continues to play, and I silently thank the French or Bacardi or whoever is responsible for the perfection that is Grey Goose for giving me the courage to actually follow through on the thoughts that have been plaguing my mind for days, weeks.

Edward is so confident, so strong as he rocks to the rhythm of the music, and I feel so relaxed in his presence even though my heart is beating a million times a minute. I spin around to face him, placing my hands on his chest and rubbing my body down his length as my hands follow from his chest to his stomach, down to his waist, before resting on his hips until I move back up to a standing position. I imagine what it would feel like being crouched down in front of Edward when he was fully naked. I bet he even puts the statue of David to shame. I feel the heat rise to my cheeks as I move around behind him almost teasing him as I walk circles around him while barely touching him.  
_  
Ah, liquid courage, thou art my eternal friend. _

Just as I am square behind him, but before I can take one more step, Edward grabs my arm and brings me back around to the front of him and presses himself into me. Again, I melt. He rests his hands on my hips, keeping me from getting away; which is fine because I know I don't want to. We continue to dance to the music, pressing against each other and grinding to the beat. I reach behind me with both hands and lace my fingers in the soft strands of his hair, something I have been dreaming about for what feels like forever. I think I hear him growl as I give a soft tug, but the bass is so loud I have no idea what's actually going on. Edward's hands make their way from my hips up my sides and back down again. So strong, so sure, so gentle. I just want him to touch me all over. _Yeah, Bella. Way too much to drink._

I pull his arms around me so they cross my waist, resisting the urge to turn around and dry hump him. _I think I need to lay off the drinks_. I grind into him some more, and I can feel the tension in his forearms and they are so tense, so strained, like he's holding back. I don't want him to. I rest my head against his torso, letting him take control of this. Whatever _this_ is. The bass from the song thudding in my chest and Edward's scent is saturating my senses. I feel like I'm on some kind of drug.

The song ends and shifts into something else, but honestly I have no idea what. I'm just hyper aware that Edward is no longer holding onto my hips and where I can sense him behind me, he's not touching me at all. I feel...loss.

I turn to look at him and he's staring at me, his eyes are dark and his lips are slightly parted. I can see his chest moving as he inhales through his nose. His eyes dart to my lips and I swallow with anticipation. _Is he going to kiss me? Please. Please._ I silently recite in my head, practically begging the fates to grant me this one thing. _You've taken so much; just give me this_.

I can see him battling with himself and I just want to yell at him, "_Can't you see I want this? Can't you see I want you?_"

He reaches out one hand and grabs one of mine, just like he did to lead me to the dance floor and pulls me closer. My heart starts to thump louder behind my rib cage. I place both of my hands on his chest to show him that I'm okay with this. I'm not resisting him. I can feel him looking at me, so I look up and meet his gaze. He's watching me so intently, searching my face and I can feel my knees go weak.

Edward leans towards me, angling his face to mine and my lips already start to tingle in hopes of what will happen next. His eyes dart to my lips again and I inhale sharply.

"What the hell?" I scream as a very cold liquid slides down my back, drenching me from my shoulder blades down.

Edward's eyes snap away from me, and he moves me out of the way so he is now standing in front of me and I have to peek around his arm to see what's going on.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he barks at the person with the now empty drink tray. I have one hand on his arm, and I can feel the muscles flexing through his shirt.

"Sorry," the person says and slinks backwards away from us, "I'll get something to clean it up."

"And when you're fucking done cleaning up this shit of a mess, I want to see your ass in my office. You have five fucking minutes. If I have to wait one second longer, you don't want to know what kind of shit will happen."

The girl scurries off and in that moment, I'm both scared and turned on. Edward turns to me after the girl is gone, "Bella, are you alright? I can take you to our bathroom and you can dry off or what the fuck ever." He's still mad, I can tell, but he's trying not to snap at me.

"Dude, what the hell?" Emmett says as he strolls over in our direction.

"Don't fucking ask me. You idiots fucking picked her," Edward scowls at Emmett.

"Yeah, but you passed her. But really, what the hell?"

"She spilled a tray with a shitton of drinks on Bella. She obviously wasn't fucking paying attention to her damn job. I have to go deal with it. I'll be back."

"Edward, don't fire her okay? Just chill out and try and be fucking normal. You can't keep firing everyone. She's new; it's crowded in here."

Edward doesn't say anything, he just stalks off at the super human pace again, leaving me standing there with Emmett.

"You alright, Bella Bear? What the hell was going on that Edward was out of focus? He's like a fucking radar; that little shit doesn't miss anything going on around him."

I just look down at the floor and blush. _He was about to kiss me when the stupid girl dropped the tray, but this is all so embarrassing. Story of my life._

"Oh yeah?" Emmett says with a hearty laugh and I slap his arm. Apparently he's an expert in body language now.

"Where did you run off to?" I ask Angela, who just came back and Emmett is still laughing.

"Uhm, I was with Ben," she replies with a blush and I just laugh at her. Angela and Ben are like horny teenagers. "Besides, you were so wrapped in Edward that you didn't even notice I was gone."

"Never gonna know what hit him," Emmett says as he walks off. I think that's the second time he has said this now. I have no idea what he's talking about and right now, I'm too tired to care.

"I think I'm ready to go," I say to Angela and she nods, letting me know that Ben has already left and she was coming to suggest we do the same.

I don't want to go without saying bye to Edward, but I don't see him around. So I stall, I go to the bathroom, and then I try and clean off the liquid down my back. Once I realize that is a wasted effort, I pretend I have to pee again and take my time doing so.

Finally, when I can't stall anymore, I leave the bathroom and head towards the exit, scanning the crowd for him. As we reach the door, I see him talking to someone. He sees me and smiles then walks over after saying something to whoever he's talking to.

"Leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm getting tired. A lot of excitement tonight."

"And I have to drive back to Forks," Angela says, butting in.

Edward walks us both outside and waits with us as valet brings Angela's car around.

"Bella, where is your coat?"

"I left it in the car."

"Well at least you brought one this time. We do have fucking coat check you know. We can step back inside until the car gets here so you don't fucking freeze to death."

"No need, the car is here," Angela's voice chimes in. I wish the valet had taken a little longer, then I could go back inside with Edward. Maybe dance some more.

The valet attendant helps Angela in the car, and Edward opens the door for me.

"Thanks for this. I really had a great time," I say, looking up into his gorgeous green eyes.

"It was my pleasure, Bella. Always."

_Just do it Bella_. I try and pep talk myself.

With shaky nerves, I reach up on my toes and plant a small kiss on his cheek, very close to his mouth and then slide into the passenger seat. "Tell Emmett I said goodnight," I say just as he shuts my door and steps back from the car towards the wall. And then he cocks his head to the side, staring at me intently before flashing me that lazy smile.

"I think he likes you," Angela says with a laugh from the driver's side.

"Really?" I ask. "I hope so. Because I really, really like him." And for the first time, I'm admitting this out loud.

**~F&FS~  
**

At work Friday, I am utterly exhausted. Ang stayed at my house in Forks last night, and we stayed up all night talking about boys.

Alice called and woke me up at an ungodly time, obviously forgetting that she is on the east coast and I'm still on the west. When I mentioned that to her, she called me silly for thinking she'd forget something like time zones. This could only mean that she _meant_ to call me before the sun kissed the sky. She told me to call her later because she wanted details about Thursday night. I tried to get back to sleep, but I couldn't. So I just ended up getting out of bed and getting dressed then making some food and coffee for Angela and me before going to work.

At work, we both have been fairly quiet; Ang has a killer hangover and I think it's funny. Then she laughs at the bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep and that stops me from laughing. Despite my lack of sleep, I'm very energized. I'm smiling, and Angela wastes no chance to point it out every second she can.

Around one, I decide it's time to call Alice.

"You know, Bella. When I said call me later I meant sooner rather than later."

"Do you want to hear about it or not?"

"Of course," she chirps through the phone, "you've kept me waiting long enough."

So I tell her about the night, everything from the wink when I entered Eclipse to the beautiful V.I.P. area, which she tells me she has seen the inside of and that the round chairs are good for more than sitting. This kind of grosses me out. Luckily, I sat on the couch. I tell her about how Edward took me to meet _The Gingers_ and how great they are as musicians and people.

She asks me about Edward and I tell her how he was very attentive, and I am starting to see what she meant about him paying attention. I'm still not ready to admit that he has some kind of sixth sense about me or 'being in tune', as she calls it. I tell her how he was talking to Angela about work and how I was amazed that he actually listened to what I told him about my job, and then equally amazed at his interest in talking to Angela at all. Mike never paid attention to my friends. Ever.

The entire time I'm talking to Alice, I can't help the stupid, cheesy grin on my face.

"So, what else happened?"

"Well, we danced."

"And?"

I can feel the blush creeping up my cheeks, which is ridiculous since it's only Alice and we're on the phone. "Well, that new song I'm obsessed with was playing. And I had a few drinks, so I felt bold enough to ask him to dance with me. I thought he'd say no, but he didn't. He grabbed my hand and took me back to the dance floor."

"Really? That's so awesome! He took the lead. Yay!" Alice's excitement almost matches mine.

"So we're dancing, and I could feel..you know..._him_," Alice laughs at my shy whisper, "and it felt so good to have his arms around me. I could feel his muscles and I could smell him. I was so relaxed. I felt very safe, too. Like, his body was a fortress around me." I realize I'm rambling and try to get back to the point. "The song stops and there was this moment where I could see him fighting it, whatever it is. And we almost kissed and I felt like, if we had, it would have been the most perfect kiss. Not out of necessity or surprise, but because both of us wanted it. Then again, I know nothing about this really. That's just how I felt."

"Wait. What do you mean _almost_?"

"One of the girls that works there dumped an entire tray of drinks down my back just as Edward was leaning in to kiss me."

I can hear Alice erupt into laughter through the phone. "That kind of thing can only happen to you, Bella."

"I know, the fates hate me," I say in a somber tone.

"Oh, Bella. I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. It's just cute and entirely amusing how things like that happen to you. Not the life altering things, but the silly things like tripping over air and having drinks poured down your back."

"I know you weren't being mean. It just makes me think how things, small or large, are just always in my way. Anyway, so Edward pushes me behind him and he's really pissed. Like his eyes are flashing a dangerous shade of green, really pissed. And he shouted at the girl."

"So, typical Edward overreaction then?"

"You've seen that before?"

"I told you, overbearing and annoying. I wasn't kidding. I love him though."

"I kind of thought it was hot. Which is so strange. I never thought of myself as that kind of girl to be attracted to that, but it was...just..." I trail off with a heavy sigh.

Alice continues to laugh with me. We talk a little while longer about my night and how her design meetings are going in NYC. I tell her to give Jasper a hug and kiss for me and we hang up.

The next few hours fly by as I find myself buried by a draft from Mr. Aveeno for his cookbook. Angela cuts out early as she has some plans with Ben tonight, leaving me in our office by myself. A few of the admins come by on their way out to see if I need anything, and my boss also peaks his head in to remind me that it's Friday night and I shouldn't be working so late.

I don't stay much longer as being in the office alone is very creepy. It's dark and the weather today is dreary, so there isn't even any sunlight streaming into the windows. The weekend cleaning crew will be here any minute, and I can't focus with vacuums and squeegees making a lot of noise.

I get to my car and open the passenger seat to toss my stuff in, plus the work I'm taking home for the weekend since I have nothing better to do.

"Hello, Bella." I spin around to see Mike coming out from behind the pillar next to my car. I don't respond; I just stare at him as he continues to approach. "Is that any way to treat your man, Bella? Not answering when I say hello?"

"We're not together anymore, Mike. I left you."

"I told you before, Bella. You can't leave me. So come home and let's forget about your disrespectful behavior." He grabs my hand and I pull it back. I can feel my heartbeat start to race.

"I've been watching you, Bella. I've seen you at the farmer's market; I see you go to work and leave every day. I saw you in Starbucks flirting like a slut with him. I watched him hold you after that stupid cooking class you tried to get me to go to. What kind of a man goes to a cooking class anyway? I saw you two in the rain. And last night at _Eclipse_, I watched you grind your ass all over him like a cheap whore. You belong to me; let's go," he bellows, grabbing my arm.

"No. I won't. I don't love you. Leave me alone. You don't own me; I'm not a thing," I say, trying to pull my arm free. Though I don't sound as convincing as I would like. The fear in my voice is evident.

Mike pushes me against my car and leans his body into mine, holding me still. "Isabella, you are mine. If I can't have you, no one can," he says, sliding his hands to the hem of my skirt. "Do you think he can love you? Do you think he can ever accept who you are? A broken little girl?" he sneers as he finds the space between my thighs. "All he can want from you is sex, and I bet you'd give it to him like you so willingly gave it to me, but this belongs to me," he whispers in my ear as he rubs his hands over my panties.

The tears start to fall from my eyes, and Mike puts a hand over my mouth to stop the sobs from escaping. _I can't do this again_.

"Everything alright here?" a strange voice calls. I look over to see that someone is in their car, exiting the garage.

"Everything is fine," Mike says in that syrupy jackass voice he reserves for clients, "just two horny kids. We should take this inside."

The car drives off and Mike turns to look at me, the anger is back in his features. "I will have you, Bella," he says before he pushes off of me and walks away. I decide that he must choose to leave because he is spotted, and if he did something to me he would surely be caught. Not like it would matter. His family would pay whoever to get him off anyways. I wish he would have killed me. I don't want to live in fear that he is coming for me. And I can't bear to be trapped by him again.

The tears are flowing more freely now. I can barely see. I'm scared, terrified and alone.

With shaky hands and staggering breath, I pull my iPhone from my pocket and call the first person to come to mind. I press the phone to my ear, trying to gulp air into my lungs now burning from the lack of oxygen as I wait for it to ring.

One ring- I feel the walls of my vision start to get blurry.

Two rings- my legs can barely hold me up. I lean forward, resting my head on the edge of the door for support. My chest is getting tighter.

Three rings- "_Hello?_"

"Edward, please."

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**A/N**

***sniffle* Poor Damagella. Maybe Secretward can be her Xanax. **

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	25. Ch 24: Pain In Silence

**A/N:**

**I LOVE my beta's cclore and PhoenixMP3! That is all.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 24: Pain in Silence  
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**Edward Cullen POV**

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Bad days. Good days. Off days. Strange days. Fucked days. Every day can be classified as something. Today is a fucking good day. I just feel fucking good. I ran an extra two miles this morning and even though my muscles were killing me, it felt good. I even bypassed Starbucks and just went home to shower and get dressed. But eventually, I had to give in and I picked some up on the way to _Eclipse_. I don't feel _that_ fucking good.

Jasper is still in New York with Alice until Sunday night, so it's just me and Emmett hanging around today with various employees on shift. I didn't fire Denise last night. Fuck knows I wanted to, but I didn't. I tried to do as Emmett asked and "be normal." I didn't fire her, but I let her know, in no uncertain terms, that her fucking behavior was unacceptable.

To her benefit, she was in my office within five minutes just like I told her, and I wasn't fucking kidding when I said she would not like the consequences if she made me wait. I would have fired her without a second thought at that point. She was scared; I could tell. But there was also a sense of something else. Pride? For what? I had no fucking clue and I didn't fucking care. I laid into her. Telling her that she shouldn't have been on the floor with the fucking tray in the first goddamn place, that's not part of her job description. I didn't hire her as a server; we had plenty of those. Her responsibilities were purely administrative. So why she had a damn tray in the first place, makes no fucking sense. She claimed that another server asked her to just carry it to some patrons for her because they got bogged down. I couldn't fault her for wanting to help, but I could fucking fault her for not getting another server to do it instead. Someone less bogged down and definitely goddamn qualified.

Also, if she was going to carry a tray then she needs to learn how to fucking balance it. She insisted that the tray was balanced and after I told her about it being rude to interrupt people while they were talking, I asked her if she meant to drop the tray. In my mind, if the damn tray was balanced then the only other reason for it to fall would be she dropped the shit on purpose. I really fucking hoped that she didn't do that shit on purpose because if she had, well, nothing good could come out of her admitting that shit. She quickly changed her story and admitted her tray was unbalanced.

The entire conversation was fucking absurd. I found my jaw was clenched really fucking tight from trying to hold back and not seriously scare the piss out of this girl. By the time I was done talking to her, she seemed apologetic. I told her that I didn't want to see her face until Monday. That she should go home and review her job description and maybe learn how to balance a tray. I even told her she could take one of our trays home to get accustomed to them. If she really wants to carry fucking trays in my establishment, she needs to do that shit correctly. I warned her that if something like that ever happened again, she was fucking gone. To not even bother apologizing, but to just clean up the fucking mess, get her shit and go. We'd mail her her last check.

I just wanted to get back downstairs.

When I got back to the main room, I saw Emmett joking around with some random people, but I couldn't see Bella anywhere. I checked the lounge and the eatery. I looked outside, but didn't see her there. I didn't see her friend Angela either. By the time I made it back to the main room, I figured she had gone home. I was disappointed at this point. Part of me wanted to finish what we started, but another part wanted to make sure she was alright after having an entire tray of drinks poured down her fucking back. I was talking to Derek, a friend of mine I play baseball with from time to time, when I noticed Bella was standing not far away from me. She suddenly fucking appeared out of nowhere and was watching me with a look of relief on her face, quickly replaced by a small smile.

I made my way over to her and walked her and her friend out to valet. I noticed she didn't have a goddamn coat. Again. I almost lost my shit. I thought we talked about this coat business once before. I'm standing outside without one also so I can't even give her anything to keep her warm. I suggested going back inside until the car came. Just as the words left my mouth, the valet pulled up with Angela's car.

I opened the door to help Bella in, and she fucking surprised the shit out of me by placing a kiss really fucking close to my mouth. As in the tiny as shit crease, where your top lip meets the bottom one was graced by the softness of her mouth. Then she blushed getting into the car, saying something about wishing Emmett goodnight, her hand grazing down my chest where it rested as she reached up to kiss me. I was fucking stunned. And I liked it.

That wasn't the first time Bella stunned me last night.

I had been watching her all night. Not in a creepy, fucked in the head, stalker kind of way. Just observing her. Watching her genuine awe at the V.I.P. booth that I'm still surprised that Jasper didn't show her. When she agreed to come to the show, I knew immediately I was going to use the booth. It really is the best seat in the house. Seeing her excitement when _The Gingers_ took the stage and watching her share a good time with Angela as the two of them danced to the music. Trying really fucking hard not to notice the lace that would become exposed every time she lifted her arms and caused her already short as shit dress to rise even higher. Watching her be playful with Emmett as he spun her in the air or told her some ridiculous story and her face lighting up with laughter.

As the night progressed, I watched her cycle through various states of inebriation. From sober and nervous to buzzed and relaxed. Then to tipsy and bold and back to buzzed and relaxed. Then watched as she started to sober up again when we were talking to _The Gingers_. When I returned to the backstage area after getting Ben and saw her talking to Dana and the band, my jaw nearly hit the fucking floor as I saw her leg propped up on the stage stairs, the muscle in her calf being defined by the structure of her boots. Those fucking boots with the fucking straps that I tried very fucking hard to not look at since she walked in the door. I've never seen her in a dress before, and the combo of that fucking dress and those fucking boots and the way they accentuated her goddamn hips and defined her slender legs just fucked with my head all damn night.

The band had to go, so we all made our way back to the main room and the girls immediately went to the dance floor. I talked to Ben a little bit before he got distracted by the sight of Angela dancing, which brought my attention to Bella and all conversation ceased at that point. Watching her uninhibited and relaxed on the dance floor left me incapable of fucking speech. I watched as lecherous fucks in her vicinity would try and go up to her and she would just ignore them like she didn't even know they were there. Every time one walked away defeated, I had to smile to myself, which was a welcome reaction compared to slow rage building every time someone got close to her. Completely fucking irrational and unwarranted rage.

The goddamn up and down was starting to annoy the shit out of me, so when Paul, head of security, came over to tell me that the camera by the side door wasn't working, it was a welcome distraction. He was telling me about a newer model that he wanted to try, which was fine with me, but I let him know he needed to clear it with Emmett since he usually handled that kind of shit. Of course, we'd have to replace all the cameras because I really can't have mismatched models of cameras hanging around. It would drive me fucking crazy. I told him as much and he laughed it off, throwing a punch to my shoulder. I really fucking hate that shit and Paul and Emmett always do it.

I turned my head towards the dance floor and I saw Bella making her way in my direction. It was weird, like I knew she was coming somehow. The flush on her cheeks from dancing was just fucking cute as shit. She strutted over, yes fucking strutted, with determination in her eyes, and I was no longer able to ignore the growing bulge in my fucking jeans. She fucking looked like a predator on the prowl and I can't deny that shit was fucking hot. She stopped just shy of where I was leaning against the bar, cocked her head to the side and looked at me through her lashes. I could see her chewing on the inside of her cheek, as if she was contemplating what to say. I wasn't prepared for what eventually rolled off her tongue.

"Come dance with me, Edward. Please."

Shit. My pants just got a whole lot fucking tighter. I found that I was inexplicably incapable of denying her. I was fucking compelled to acquiesce. And I did. I grabbed her hand and lead her back onto the dance floor. I really like this new _Timbaland_ song and at that moment, I was fucking glad I asked DJ Silver to add it to his set list.

Once we reached the floor, I spun her around and noticed a large smile plastered on her face before I pulled her to me, pressing her back into my chest. I breathed in her scent as it wafted through the air and assaulted my senses. Fuck if she doesn't smell good, every fucking time. I pulled her closer and resisted a growl when I felt my dick rub against her ass in that fucking dress. Bella let out a soft moan at almost exactly the same time; I know I wasn't hearing things because she also shifted her hips at the same time to match the rhythm of the sound, causing more friction. It took all the control I had not to just grind my dick all over her ass and make her feel everything she was doing to me, even if she didn't realize it.

Then she fucking spun around to face me. Eyes full of mischief as she ran her hands up and down my chest and her body followed. I almost lost every shred of control I was barely holding onto when her hands rested on my hips as she crouched down in front of the general vicinity of my fucking rock hard dick. I have no idea what's happening to me, but if my brain can catch up to my body, I might be able to figure it out. When she looked up at me from that position, I realized Bella knew exactly what she was doing, what she wanted and the reaction she was getting out of me. It's written as clear as fucking day across her face and it catches me off guard. Fucking surprised the shit out of me. I figured she's being pushed by the amount of alcohol she willingly consumed. And perhaps that took some of the edge off, but it wasn't in the driver's seat of her actions. She's always so locked, but in that moment I saw a different piece of Bella. She was telling me something. She's taking control and I willingly let her.

We continued to dance and she playfully teased me by walking around behind me where I couldn't see or touch her. I wasn't fucking having it and I pulled her back to me, holding her there by placing my hands on her hips. Bella rested her head back against my chest, bringing us closer to each other as she reached behind her and tangled her hands in my hair, causing me to let out a low growl. I could feel my primal nature threatening to take over. To grab her and not let her go anywhere. I fought it and settled for running my hands along her sides over and over again. I tried to stay in control and not maul her or scare her to death. But fuck me if that shit wasn't hard.

Bella grabbed my arms and wrapped herself in them, holding them tight to her body and resting her hands on my forearms. Her head settled back against my chest and I felt her relax. I felt her physically give in as her entire body softened and she let out a deep breath. I had no idea what the fuck was going on, but I knew in that moment, I fucking knew that shit felt right. I guess my brain was finally starting to catch up with my body. What it means or what I'm going to do about it, I had no fucking clue.

The song ended and I just stopped touching her. It's like the song was the only condition that allowed my behavior to be acceptable. I had no idea if she would want me to touch her now, and I'm not the kind of person to force myself on people and shit. I was ready for her to walk away, walk off the dance floor. But she didn't. Instead she turned around to face me, a look of confusion on her face and something else. Maybe disappointment or something, I'm not sure. The flush and the want still remained, and my apprehension was replaced by my own desire to consume her plump, pink mouth. A desire urged on by her tongue darting out to lick her bottom lip.

I couldn't decide. I couldn't fucking reconcile my brain telling me to stop and my body telling me to go for it. I couldn't wrap my head around Bella's open stance or the want in her eyes. And it bothered the fucking shit out of me because I know women; I know this body language. Bella's not the kind of girl to just grind all over someone; I've been watching her all night blow off random guys and ignore their advances. She hasn't done anything to actually make me think she doesn't want this. Doesn't want me. So why the fuck couldn't I just fucking close the goddamn gap between us and end the torture?

Bella shifted on her feet and took a small step forward. That small step, that tiny movement was really all I needed to make up my mind. I took her hand in mine and pulled her towards me again, she came forward without hesitation. She placed her hands on my chest in what I took as a silent signal that's she's fine with whatever shit was going to happen. It's a very submissive move, leaving her very fucking vulnerable and open. Her defenses were down. Still, I watched her. I focused on her intently for any sign that she wanted me to back the fuck off, but I couldn't find one. She looked up at me nervously, the fire in her eyes intact. I started to lean forward, slowly, still watching her as she angled her face upwards to meet mine. I could feel her breath against my skin, soft and sweet. But the kiss never fucking happened because of Denise and her fucking bullshit.

I shake my head, taking the memory of Denise out of my mind so as not to get fucking pissed off on this good day I'm having. I didn't fire her; I've come to deal with my decision. But that doesn't mean I'm any less fucking pissed about what happened.

I go back to reading the vendor contracts that came in the mail today.

"So whats going on with you and Bella Bear?" Emmett asks moments later as he walks into my office and plops down on the chair across from my desk.

I just look up at him and he's wearing this snide as fuck grin. I go back to reading the vendor contract on my desk, ignoring his question. Not like I have a fucking answer anyway.

"I would have thought she turned you down after that apple shit with the way you were sulking around here for days. Hurt your fragile ego. Figured you couldn't close the deal or whatever."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Now, I'm just annoyed.

Emmett let out a booming laugh, "I knew that shit would get you talking."

"Well, are you going to tell me what the fuck you're talking about?"

"You and Bella."

"What about it?"

"Are you two a thing yet or what?"

"A _thing_? What the hell does that even mean?"

"Don't play dumbshit with me, Edward," Emmett says, laughing still. "You two have it bad for each other. It's so fucking obvious to everyone within fifty feet of you two. And that's why I figured she blew you off after apple picking. You were all mopey and shit. Like a goddamn over-emotional idiot."

"That's not really how it happened," I mumble under my breath.

Emmett leans forward and rubs his hands together, waiting for more details. "Well? Explain. Shit."

So I tell him about apple picking and the kiss and how I left after that. When I'm done, he just laughs so hard his eyes are glistening with tears. "Really? You fucking ran?"

"It's a real dick move for you to be fucking laughing right now. I didn't think about it, I just did it. All of it. I don't know why and at the time, I felt fucking bad about it. I don't do girlfriends, Em. Bella is not like most girls. She deserves to be treated a certain way. And there is something off about her that I can't fucking pinpoint. It felt wrong to want to kiss her or touch her."

"And now?"

"I still don't fucking know."

"Well, if it's Bella you're worried about, don't. She's jocking your shit just as bad or maybe even more. You should see her face when you leave the room. She gets so disappointed. And when you walk back in the room her face lights up like she struck gold or some shit. How the fuck do you not know this? And I saw the way she was grinding all over you on the dance floor."

I chuckle at that. He may have seen it, but I fucking felt it. And I can't deny that I wouldn't mind feeling that again.

"You know, bro, I think you just need to get your head out of your ass and just give the girl what you both so obviously want. Maybe it's time you give the girlfriend thing a try."

I have to laugh at Emmett's crassness. He has such a fucking way with words. We're both laughing, and Emmett is trying to get me to tell him details about dancing with Bella, because he's an ass, when my iPhone rings. I have several papers on my desk, and my phone must be underneath them because I can't find it.

My phone rings again as I start to press on papers and toss pieces around in the general vicinity that the sound is coming from.

On the third ring, I finally find it underneath a couple of new vendor applications. Looking at the caller ID, I see that it's Bella. I frown at my phone, not because she's calling but because she never calls. We typically talk via text or in person; the fact she's calling me puts me on alert. Something isn't right.

"Hello?"

"Edward, please?" I hear Bella's voice come through the phone in a whisper. She sounds like she's barely breathing. Something is seriously fucking wrong.

"Bella? What is it?" I ask. Across from me, Emmett is pumping his fists in the air and making kissy faces. I wave at him to stop, and he must sense something is wrong too because his expression changes from joking to serious in the blink of an eye.

"Edward, please. I...he...please."

"Where are you?" I can feel my heart beat pick up as I listen to her labored breathing.

"Car...work...ga-ga-rage...please," she stutters out. Her voice is fading, and I hear her let out a strangled sob before the line goes dead.

I bolt out of my chair, grabbing my jacket off the hook as I leave my office. Emmett trails behind me. "Dude, what the hell?" I can hear him calling after me, but I don't have the time nor the ability to acknowledge him. I have to go. He continues to call after me as I exit the building, his voice echoing in the distance. I'm fucking thankful I chose not to use valet when I came in and just parked in the back lot as I sprint to my car, hopping in and blazing down the street towards Dwyer Publishing.

All kinds of horrible thoughts run across my mind of terrible fucking shit that could have happened to her. All of them involving that creep Newton. I just hope that when I get there, my overactive, morbid imagination is wrong. Because the thought of losing Bella scares me, and the fact that I even have that thought is enough to induce a mild panic attack.

I pull into the garage and drive dangerously fast around the curves in each ramp, my eyes darting around to spot Bella's car. I round the bend between the seventh floor and the eighth when I see her car off in the distance. The shiny black paint glinting in the bright overhead lights. No other vehicles are present and I don't see her anywhere. I pull up next to her car and jump out of mine, leaving the engine running and trying really fucking hard not to think bad thoughts.

"Bella?" I call her name; maybe she's hiding behind a pillar. But I'm met with nothing but the echo of my voice off of the cement and the quiet hum of my engine. I step closer to her car, and I don't see her through the windows as I move forward. Running my hands through my hair, I take out my phone and call her, hoping for fuck's sake she answers. As the phone rings, I hear her phone answer back from inside her car, calling to me from the other side of her door.

I walk over and peer into the window and I'm completely fucking stunned when I see Bella crouched down in her car in the small space between the dashboard and the passenger's seat. Her head is resting on her knees and her hair is covering most of her. She's not even moving.

"Bella," I call her name while I knock on the window, but she doesn't stir. I try the door handle and it's fucking unlocked. I'm both relieved and pissed about this, but relief will have to win for now. I fling the door open and she flinches, but doesn't look up. I lean forward, and I can now hear her soft sobs and whimpers as I am only mere inches away from her. "Bella, what happened?" I ask her, but she still won't look up and the sobs only get louder.

"Bella, can you get up? Can you come with me?" I ask her, trying not to be an impatient ass. But my natural lack of patience and my primal desire to protect her for whatever reason are battling for control over my rational thoughts. She looks up at me then and the sight of her face makes me feel like I'm being crushed. Her cheeks are all splotchy and red, her eyes are swollen and only tiny slivers of the deep chocolate color are visible. The tear tracks run down her face with black rain lines and her lip is bleeding, probably from biting it too hard. I reach out to her slowly and touch her hand that is clutching her phone, unanswered. I unwrap her hands and give a slight pull for her to get up. She hesitantly tries to stand up, but her legs give out almost as soon as she sets her feet on the ground. I grasp onto her before she falls and pick her up behind her knees, settling her into the passenger seat of my car. I step back to her car and retrieve her bag and her keys, locking the car before I get back into the driver's seat of my Audi.

Looking over to Bella, she's visibly shaking and has pulled her knees up to her chest. Her head is resting on its side on her knees and she's staring in my direction, but off into space as tear after tear streams down her face. I want to make the tears stop. I want the laughing, smiling Bella I saw less than twenty-four hours ago. I don't know whats wrong and I don't know what to do, but I know I want to make it stop.

I pull out my phone again and I call Alice.

"Hey, Edward. What's up?"

"Ali, something is wrong with Bella."

"What do you mean, something is wrong with Bella? I _just_ talked to her, Edward."

"She called me, freaking the fuck out and kind of told me to come and get her. I have her here now in the car with me, but she's not fucking talking. She's just clutching herself."

"Do you know what happened?"

"No, shit. I told you she's not talking."

"Has she said anything? What did she say on the phone?"

"It wasn't complete fucking sentences. Just a lot of 'please' and and a panicky tone. She could barely say enough to tell me where the fuck she was."

"Ok, Edward, listen. There is no one at my house; she can't stay there alone. Not tonight. You have to take her to your place and you need to stay close by."

"What? Why?" It's just that I have no fucking clue what to do about all this shit.

"Just listen. Bella has been through a lot. She's probably going to pass out and when she does, the nightmares will start. You'll need to wake her up, gently."

"How? With what?"

"Edward, I don't know. But she needs _you_. She called _you_. She didn't call me. She didn't call anyone else. Just be gentle with her, okay? Usually I sing her a lullaby to help her fall asleep; you'll just have to find something that works for you. I'm going to try and get my flight changed to get back earlier. Can you have her call me when she's more coherent?"

I hang up with Alice and despite her calm words, I could hear the panic in her voice. The fear that something was terribly fucking wrong. The same way I'm feeling in this moment. We reach my building, and I look over to see that Bella is asleep. Her head has rolled to the side and her legs have fallen from her chest. I contemplate waking her up, but she looks almost peaceful, even though her face is contorted into a frown. I don't want to disturb her. Especially if there is a potential for nightmares. I know how that shit is, and she should be able to keep this almost peaceful sleep as long as fucking possible.

Instead, I opt to carry her upstairs. Riding up the elevator with her limp form in my arms, I laugh softly thinking about how I have never had one girl in my arms as many times as Bella in the last two months. She stirs slightly, nuzzling her head further into my chest, and I look down at her to see that the frown on her face has disappeared.

I open the door to my place and contemplate where to put her. I don't want to put her on the couch. As comfortable as it is, I don't want her to roll over expecting an actual bed and hit the fucking floor from the lack of one. I could put her in the guest room, but that's nowhere near my room, the kitchen, or the living room where I'm sure I'll be, and I wouldn't be able to hear her if she needed something. So that only leaves my room. I make my way down the hall, hoping that if she wakes up in here, she doesn't freak the fuck out again. Strange room, strange bed, my bed.

I set her down and pull off her shoes and coat before lifting her up again and pulling the blankets back to set her underneath them. I watch her for a second as she rolls over and takes a deep breath before deep sleep claims her again.

**~F&FS~  
**

"Is it thyme or sage you use in the chicken soup?" I ask my mother when she answers the phone.

"Thyme. Are you sick? Are the boys okay? Do you need me to bring you some?"

"No. I'm fine, they're fine. I, uh. Just wanted to make it and I couldn't remember if it was thyme or sage."

"Edward, what's wrong? You promised."

"It's nothing. Really. I'm fine. I'm just tired and I want to eat the soup."

"You're not telling me something. I can hear it in your voice, caro." I take a deep breath. I'm not sure what to tell her. "_A friend, that is a girl, that I have been hanging out with, that I may or may not have fucking feelings for, that apparently everyone else is aware of but me, is passed out in my damn bed from dealing with some terrible shit. I have no fucking clue what it is. Because when she called me in a panic, she didn't have the breath to speak and when I got to her, she was all but fucking comatose."_

"A friend of mine is going through something. I thought they might like some soup. I know it always made me feel better when you made it for me." That's as simple as I can make it.

"Do you want to talk about it? You sound pretty upset."

"I'm not sure what to say. I don't know very much."

"The best thing you can do is be there for them. I think the soup is a great start, caro. Call me if you need anything okay?"

"Yeah."

Hanging up the phone, I set it down on the counter and move further into the kitchen to start making the soup. This soup is like pure fucking medicine. I'm fucking convinced this soup is the reason we rarely got sick in my house while I was growing up. It's magic. When Rosalie and Emmett kinda-sorta split right after they graduated from high school and Rose came home for a breather, mom fed her this soup all weekend and by the time she left, she was infinitely better. Apparently this shit works for physical and emotional ailments. Fucking magic.

I just set the soup to simmer slowly on the stove when I hear soft cries coming from my bedroom, and I rush down the hall to see what's going on. Upon entering the doorway, I see Bella curled up into a very tight fetal position; her body is shaking and her incoherent cries keep getting louder. Moving closer to the bed, I see her clutching the sheets with her small hands. Looking at her face, it's contorted in an expression of pain and a single tear has started to run down her cheek. A soft "please" escapes her lips before another tear falls.

The pain I feel watching this is almost unbearable. It's like living whatever it is she's dreaming out. Watching her suffer is fucking gut wrenching. I wonder if this is how my family feels when they find me having nightmares. Watching Bella, I have no idea what to do or say.

"_Wake her up gently_..." Alice's words from earlier come back to mind. _Gently, gently..._ I think to myself. Can I do gently? I've never had to wake someone up before. Throwing water on Jasper at summer camp doesn't count. I think about the times my mom has woken me up. Always soft, always gentle, whether she was waking me up for school or from a nightmare.

Bella lets out another cry in her sleep, "No," as she uncurls from the fetal position and practically tosses herself on her back. Her legs start to flail under the blankets and then she gets still. "Please," she whimpers softly as another tear falls. I can't fucking take anymore. I just want her nightmare to stop.

"Bella... Angelo mio... svegliati... apri i tuoi occhi per me ... per favore, Bella svegliati e guardami... sono qui con te... nessuno ti puo ferire qui con me..." I say as I lean down and gently touch her hair and run my hand down her cheek. The words just come to mind and out of my mouth without any forethought. I watch as she starts to relax. The crease in her furrowed brow starts to lessen, her grip on the pillow starts to loosen and her breathing starts to regulate.

I sit down gently on the edge of the bed as her eyes start to flutter open. She blinks a few times before bringing her hands up to her eyes, rubbing the sleep from them.

"Bella," I say once she seems to be fully awake. She snaps her head in my direction and her eyes settle on me. She blinks a few times and then a large smile plays across her face.

"Hey," she says softly, "where am I?"

"You're at my place. How are you feeling?" She turns her head and instead of facing me, she's looking at the far wall. "Bella, what the fuck happened?" I'm met with silence. I'm not sure how much to push or how far. I'm not sure if I can get her to tell me shit, but I really fucking need her to because I can't get another phone call like that and not know what the fuck I'm dealing with.

"Shit! Listen," I begin, scrubbing my hands over my face and through my hair, "I'm not going to fucking push the issue, but clearly something is wrong. I want to be here for you, but I can't if you're just going to shut me out. I hate prying into your shit like this." I'm about to go into this long explanation about how she's free to say whatever she wants and that I'll listen when she cuts me off.

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"Okay, _okay_. Okay, I'll tell you."

She sits up in my bed, clutching the sheet to her frame and I notice that at some point while she was sleeping, she had shrugged off the sweater she was wearing when I laid her in bed. Right now, all I can see are the thin straps of a pale tank against her creamy skin, giving her the appearance of being naked. I try to fight the hard on threatening to expose itself through my jeans. Now is not the fucking time. She folds her hands in her lap and leans forward, her hair shielding her face. We sit there for an immeasurable amount of fucking time while I wait for her to speak. The thick silence in the room is driving me fucking crazy.

"Today, as I left work," she starts suddenly, "Mike was waiting for me in the garage. He came out from behind the pillar and demanded that I go home with him." Bella spoke softly, an amount of detachment in her voice accompanied the obvious fear that caused her voice to rattle.

"I told him 'no', that I wouldn't go with him. That I left him and was never going back. He called me a slut and a whore while telling me he's been watching me. Watching me go to work, watching me shop in Forks, watching me hang out with you." Bella looks up and her eyes meet mine; they're wet with tears, threatening to spill out and join the tracks already running down her cheeks.

I can feel the anger building from deep within. Stalking her? He fucking stalks her? I know he hit her; I saw the damn bruises. What a fucking coward to wait until she's alone to threaten her into leaving with him. I want to see him try and approach her when someone else is around; when I'm around.

"Somehow, he's always there," Bella continues. "When I went to the farmer's market, I felt like someone was watching me and I was right; it was Mike. I've had that same feeling for weeks. He saw us go to Blue Ribbon; I think he was at _Eclipse_ last night because he said I was a whore for dancing with you." Bella starts to do that thing where her arms involuntarily wrap around her body, in what I assume is an attempt to shield herself. She did this that day at the apple farm when she recounted the last time she had been there. It is then that I notice a bruise on her upper arm. It's faint, not as dark as ones I have seen her wear before. He touched her; he hurt her. That stupid shit marred her delicate flesh with his fucking unworthy hands. I clench my fists that are resting by my sides, an instant reflex. She stays silent for a long moment. I think she's done, but then she speaks up again.

"He told me that if he can't have me, no one else will. That you only want sex with me. Someone drove by and thank God because he had me pinned to my car, and I was so afraid it would happen again. That we would hurt me again. That he would rape me again."

"Wait, what the fuck did you just say?"

"Mike...raped me," she says, barely above a whisper and again shielding her face behind her hair so I can't see her. I can feel every muscle in my body tense up. My fists are clenched so tight, I'm going to break my fucking fingers if I don't gain some control. "That night. In September. The night I somehow ended up at Alice's. That night, we fought. He hit me and caused me to fall to the floor. Then he picked me up as I tried to get away." She's sobbing now; her body is shaking from the force of the sobs. I want to pull her to me and make them stop. But in my state of anger, I'm afraid I'll crush her. "He held me to him and carried me to the room before throwing me on the bed a-and..." a loud, gut wrenching sob rips its way through her as she falls over on my bed and let's the softness of the pillows and blankets envelope her.

I'm at a fucking loss. Completely out of my fucking element and I have no idea what to do. Her pain and my anger are slithering through my veins like sharp shards of glass and it fucking hurts like hell.

"Tell me what you need, Bella. What can I do for you?" I say to her as she continues to sob into my pillow. It takes a moment, my quiet request hanging in the air between us as I wait for something, anything. And then she reaches out with a shaky hand and lays it on the bed between us, palm side up. She's still crying and shaking, but the sobs are not as loud. I stare down at her hand before taking it in my own and giving it a light squeeze, which she returns. With her hand in mine, I can feel her trembling from fear and exhaustion.

I don't say anything more, sensing from her that this is enough for now. I watch as her eyes droop closed and her body starts to tremble less and less. The horrific sobs lowering down to muffled cries stop completely as her breathing regulates with the sound of sleep. Once I'm sure she's asleep, I slowly remove her hand from mine and rest it against the blankets. Without thinking, I brush the hair from her cheek and pull the blankets up to cover her fully.

I wish Mike had been home that day we moved Bella's things. I wish he had been there and I would have let Jasper kill him.

I look over to Bella's sleeping form, and it stops me from going to bash the asshole's head into a wall. Turning his face into my own personal punching bag. Breaking his fucking hands so he never lays another finger on her or anyone else in the future. Someone should castrate that fucker because a real man would never need to or choose to do something as base as molest and rape a woman. Looking at Bella stops me because I will not leave her here unprotected in an endeavor to hunt that fucker down and kill him myself. She looks so vulnerable and so fragile. Knowing this new information about her explains so many fucking things now, and it fucking kills me that she's had to go through shit like this.

"I'm gonna mother fucking kill him," I say as I leave the room. Today is a fucked day.

Bella doesn't wake up again. At times throughout the night, she utters words or sounds. Nothing really coherent. Nothing that really makes much sense. Every now and again, she lets out a soft cry of pain and then it subsides. I wonder if she even remembers what she dreams about.

I can't sleep. There is no fucking way I could try even if I wanted to. So I just watch her and pace and tear my hair out. I try to play the piano, but it's too far away from her. What if she starts to freak out again? I try to watch a movie, but nothing is holding my attention. I try to read a book, but I realize I am reading the same line over and over and over again, so I throw the book across the couch in frustration.

I'm staring out the massive window in my bedroom now, watching the city lights twinkle and listening to the sounds down below. I can see my reflection; my hair is a fucking mess and I need to shave.

I'm about to turn and walk to the bathroom when I hear a small giggle come from Bella, followed by my name. It stops me dead in my tracks. Every sound she has made has been mostly agonizing at best. Even the ones I can't understand or that make no damn sense. Some are more of an agonizing pain and others are more agonizing sadness. So when the agonizing sounds are replaced by a soft giggle, it alarms me. And to hear my name on her lips in such a breathy tone, following that giggle, makes me smile involuntarily. I guess not all of Bella's dreams are nightmares. I watch her face in the pale moonlight shining through the window. Even with the tear tracks and splotchy cheeks, Bella is still beautiful.

At some point in the night I must have dozed off because the next thing I know, daylight is creeping in under the window shade and Bella is sitting up in my bed, staring at me.

"Uhm," she starts, but I can tell she's not sure what to say or where to begin.

"Alice wants you to call her. Are you feeling alright? I found you some clothes and shit," I say, pointing to the pile on the dresser as I start to stand up from the chair. "They're Rosalie's, so they're probably too big for you, but I figured you'd want to get out of what you had on." Bella looks up at me and nods as I exit the room, leaving her to call Alice.

Eventually, Bella emerges from my room. She must have showered because her hair is wet hanging down her back. I try hard as shit not to laugh because although Rosalie is model skinny, she is freakishly fucking tall for a girl. So her clothes dwarf Bella, who can't be more than 5'4". She sees me standing in the kitchen and gives me a small smile before she slides into one of the bar stools at the island. I watch her and I notice she's biting the corner of her bottom lip again, which I have come to realize that she does this when she's either nervous about something or wants to say something. I think I've fucking pushed her enough for one twenty-four hour span of fucking time and she certainly has been forced to endure shit she should never have to. So I'm not pushing her on this; if she wants to talk, she'll talk.

"Do you think you can take me to get my car later? I'm not sure where I am in relation to Dwyer or I'd walk over there," she mumbles out.

"Uh, you're going home? What time is Ali getting back?"

"Alice and Jasper can't get out of New York until tomorrow. They can get an earlier flight than what they originally had, but they won't make it back until tomorrow."

"Fuck that, Bella. Do you seriously think I'm going to let you stay at your house alone when there is a fucked in the head douchebag stalking you?" I realize I'm practically shouting at her. It's not intentional, but is she fucking crazy?

"I appreciate you letting me stay here last night, but I don't want to force myself on you. You didn't even sleep in your own bed. I won't be a burden to people, Edward."

"Bella, you're crazy you know that? Have I ever given you the impression that I'm a man who does shit I don't want to do?"

"No."

"Okay, then. Are you hungry?"

"Uh, kind of. I can make something for...lunch," she says, looking at the time on the clock on the wall and noticing it's well after noon. I don't think she realized that she slept something like eighteen hours.

"I made some soup last night. Uh, my mom made it for us as kids. It's like magic fucking soup or some shit."

"Magic soup sounds great," she replies with a genuine smile.

I turn to the pot on the stove that I put on when Bella was still in the room to warm the soup. I grab two bowls from the cabinet and ladle soup into each one. I set them on the island, placing one in front of Bella and turn around to grab some spoons from the drawer. When I turn back to Bella, she has a strange look on her face, shock maybe.

"What?"

"The soup. How? When? Who made it?"

"I did. It's a family recipe I guess."

Bella shifts her gaze from the soup to me and back to the soup and then finally to me again. The expression on her face is pure confusion.

"What?" I ask her again. There is clearly something on her mind.

"It's just...I ate this same soup every day for nearly a month. I'm sure of it." She takes her spoon and dips it into the bowl to dredge some of the soup, then lifts the spoon to her mouth and gently tastes the piping hot broth. "Mmmmhmmm. Yeah, that's the same soup."

Now it's my turn to gape in fucking confusion. "When did you say you had it?"

"That month, uhm. My first month back living with Ali. She fed it to me every day practically. Well, the days I was awake. And I kept meaning to ask her where she got it because I knew she didn't make it. I guess I kept forgetting."

"Well, I'm sure as shit that no one outside of my family has the recipe and I didn't make it. Dad doesn't cook. Rosalie either. Huh..." I contemplate for a minute before it dawns on me. "Jasper."

"Huh?" Bella asks with the spoon halfway to her mouth. I try not to look or pay attention.

"Jasper. He could have had my mom make it, but he never mentioned it. A couple of weeks ago my mom did mention that she missed seeing Jasper because he had not been by since mid-October. At the time, I just brushed the shit off. But given the time line, it all makes perfect fucking sense."

Bella nods in agreement, but she's enjoying the soup so much, I don't think she cares. Before I know it, she's finished the bowl and I ask her if she wants more. She nods her head with a lot of damn enthusiasm. It's cute. Like I said, fucking magic soup.

I don't bring up her rape again or her breakdown or the fucking creep Newton stalking her. I know it has to be fucking hard as hell for her to talk about and I don't want her to be uncomfortable. If she wants to talk about the shit, that's fine. But I can't be the one to make her.

I suggest we watch a movie or something. Something low key, but enjoyable. Bella sees no problem with it. It takes a fucking hour to pick a movie though. Bella stares at my wall of DVDs for a ridiculous amount of time, meticulously going over each one. That's a painful endeavor for over seven hundred DVDs. I ask her if she wants to watch something old or something new, action or comedy, romance or horror, but she has no idea. I can't lie; it's fucking amusing to watch her twirl her hair around her finger in contemplation or bite her lip as she tries to narrow down the choices. She does this cute thing with her foot when she's thinking, where it taps against the floor in a random rhythm and I wonder what song she thinks of when she does that.

Finally, she decides she wants to watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Stating that she has read the book three times, but she didn't appreciate it until she read it the third time in college. I don't mind. I've seen them a million fucking times; especially because Jasper loves the war and strategy shit in the series and insists on watching them over and over again with the same easy enthusiasm he shows towards most things he enjoys. I realize this is at least a ten hour block of time to watch all three and come to terms with the fact that we are probably not moving from the damn couch.

Bella is funny when she watches a movie. Most people watch them complacently, completely unappreciative of what's happening on the screen. Not Bella; it's written all over her face. The shock, the sadness, the laughter; especially the laughter. By the time we get to the end of the second movie, she's used half a box of tissues from tearing up at sad parts, like when the Ents fight for their forest or when Gandalf gets taken by the hell beast, and she's laughed herself into stitches over the antics of Merry and Pippin. It's all very interesting, considering she told me she's seen these movies no less than twenty times.

As the third movie starts, I notice that Bella shivers a little, so I reach into the basket under the coffee table, that Esme insists is necessary, for a blanket and hand it to her. She wraps it around her and tucks her legs underneath her while giving me a wide smile of appreciation. I really need to make sure she smiles more often. Preferably all the fucking time.

A little bit into Return of the King, Bella's head lands on my shoulder. She has fallen asleep. I look down at her and notice her body is all twisted in a strange position. I make the split second decision to shift her so that she won't wake up with a stiff neck and back on top of everything else. I shift her down a little so her head is now on my chest instead of her temple resting on the bone of my shoulder. I lean back at an angle with my shoulders now flat against the couch to make the entire shift easier. I continue to watch the movie as the scent of Bella's hair wafts to my nose and her soft breathing waves across my chest.

_"Awww, look. They're so cute."_

_"Shh, Ali. They're sleeping."_

My eyes slowly move open to the sound of voices. I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep. The last thing I remember is making sure Bella was more comfortable and then the white tree being on fire in the movie. When my eyes open, I'm met with two pairs of blue eyes looking down at me attached to a pair of wide smiles.

"What the hell? I thought you guys weren't coming back until tomorrow."

"Yeah, well Ali was freaking out about Bella. She charmed a couple into trading seats with us on a flight to get back here tonight," Jasper tells me while still wearing that wide grin.

"I can see it was for nothing. Bella is fine," Alice says, gesturing in my direction.

I follow her hand, and that's when I realize that Bella is still asleep on top of me with my arms wrapped protectively around her frame. The problem is, I am not even sure I want her to go.

* * *

**A/N**

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

**(1) http:(slash(slash)www(dot)southernfanfictionreview(dot)com**

**(2) http:(slash)(slash)ffanonymous-5ctbauble(dot)blogspot(dot)com **

_Translation_

_'Bella... Angelo mio... svegliati... apri i tuoi occhi per me ... per favore, Bella svegliati e guardami... sono qui con te... nessuno ti puo ferire qui con me...'_

'Bella...angel... wake up...open your eyes for me...please, Bella wake up and look at me...i'm here no one can hurt you here with me...'

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**


	26. Ch 25: Transitions

**A/N:**

**Thank you to cclore and PhoenixMP3 for their unconditional beta-love.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

**

* * *

**

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 25: Transitions**

**Bella Swan POV**

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Strong arms holding me tight. Warmth. Safety. Happiness._ Edward_. I must be dreaming. I squeeze my eyelids tight, trying to keep hold of that dream.

In the recesses of my mind, I can hear voices. Familiar voices. _Alice and Jasper_. Reluctantly, I open my eyes to realize that there _are_ strong arms holding me tight and that I was not dreaming. I awake to my sleepy form resting on Edward and his arms are holding me, clasped at my back. I smile lightly to myself and try to focus on what everyone is saying without moving.

"One minute we were watching the movie and the next you two are here, waking my ass up," Edward states in a harsh whisper and I hear Alice let out a small laugh.

"Should we wake her up?" Jasper asks to the room and I feel Edward shrug.

"If she hasn't woken up with all this fucking talking, I don't think she's ever going to."

"You know, Edward, for someone who was awfully peaceful looking when we walked in, you're being a downright grouch," Alice chimes in. I can just visualize her hands on her hips while she glare-pouts at Edward.

Edward mumbles something about good sleep being hard to come by, but I don't think that anyone actually hears him. I wouldn't have heard him if my head wasn't resting against his solid chest. The rumble of his voice resonating in my ear and sending waves through my body.

Alice comes to the back side of the couch and catches my eye. I didn't hear her move or sense her standing there. I almost panic thinking I have been caught, but she winks at me.

"Come on, Jazz. Edward can bring Bella home tomorrow. She's clearly comfortable and relaxed enough to get a good night's rest for once."

"Are you sure, Tink?" Jasper asks in a worried tone and I'm so touched by his concern.

"Yes, now come on," I can hear the strain in Alice's voice. I think she's trying to pull him.

"Is that cool, bro?"

I feel Edward nod. "She's already sound asleep. I'll just move her to my bed." There is a heavy pause in the room.

"Fuck, man! I'm not gonna hurt her. She slept there last night. Would you prefer I let her sleep out here in the open?" I can sense the annoyance in Edward's voice, even though he is trying hard to whisper. He's failing, by the way.

"It's just...Bella is special, E. Don't make me kill you."

"I know she is, Jazz," Edward says very low, "now get the fuck out before you wake her up."

I hear the door click shut as Jasper and Alice laugh lightly on their exit. And I close my eyes knowing I get to stay another night.

He doesn't move right away or say anything more at first. It's just the two of us and silence. I try not to move and keep my breathing steady so as not to signal I'm awake. He can still call them back to come and get me. Though something tells me he won't.

He's so warm and smells so nice. His hard muscles actually make for a nice cushion to rest on. My head rises and falls with the steady pace of his breathing. I don't even remember how we got into this position. I remember watching the beginning of _Return of the King_ and that's about it.

"Bella?" Edward calls softly, but I don't move. "Bella?" he calls again. I shift slightly, burying my face into his chest more and fisting his shirt. I'm hoping this makes sense. I remember when I was younger and used to babysit, the smaller children would do this when they were snuggling in for a deeper sleep.

I guess it works because the next thing I know, he's shifting us so he's gently sliding out from under me. My face is still towards the cushions, but I roll onto my side when he's gone. It feels colder now.

Then, he picks me up bridal style and starts to carry me down the hall. He tucks both of my arms against my chest so they won't be flailing around aimlessly on the walk and I press as close to him as possible. I know he's carried me several times now, but this is the first time I have been coherent. I think I would be too heavy, but his movements are lithe and seamless. No stumbling. I peek up at his face and take note that he's not even strained.

I gawk at him from this position with one eye open. There is no angle that he doesn't look like perfection from. His jaw is so strong and I can see the fine point of his nose better this way. His golden-red eyelashes are so long and pretty; Alice would be so jealous. The way his earlobes angle against his head, leaning down to the neck, I really want to wrap my arms around his neck. He swallows and I am mesmerized by the motion of his throat. And I kind of want to bite his Adam's apple. _Is that even normal_?

He lays me down in the softness of his bed and I feel him pull away. I don't want him to go. I don't want to wake up and see him asleep in the chair, no matter how comfortable it seems. In a moment of boldness, I say the only thing I can think of.

"Please, stay. Here...stay with me," I whisper. The sound of my voice, still raw with sleep, is shaky at best. He looks down at me for a moment, contemplating my request. I can see it in his face, in the set of his jaw. I just hope he wants to stay with me as much as I want him to.

He nods slightly, but walks away. My back is facing the direction he went and I try to fight the overwhelming sense of sadness and loss that I never expected to feel. It's unnerving and scary. Just when I think that my request has been denied, I feel the bed shift behind me and I can sense his warmth as he settles in. I turn slightly to look at him, just as his head settles down on the pillow.

"Thank you," I say with a small smile, attempting to mask the joy threatening to burst through the surface.

"My pleasure, Bella," he says, smiling back. I can only hope he means that.

At some point during the night, my eyes flutter open to a mask of darkness. My senses, groggy from the deep sleep, are now interrupted by an overwhelming tingly sensation running through my body. I feel almost delirious and lightheaded. Once I come to my senses, I realize the tingling is resonating from my hip and that Edward is touching me. His hand is on my hip, laying in a gentle grasp. I smile at the sensation of his skin on mine. The softness, the warmth, and the tingling. The feeling of protection is triggered in my brain.

I can hear his soft breathing, signaling that he's asleep. I wonder when his hand came to rest against me and I wonder if it was a choice or something done subconsciously in his sleep. I can't be sure which would delight me more. I can't be sure I care.

I tentatively reach down with my own hand and touch his, humming quietly as the tingling increases from the added contact. I lace my fingers in between his and he doesn't move. He doesn't resist. _I want to be closer._ I can feel my heartbeat pick up and I'm not sure if it's the contact or the nerves created by my thoughts leading my actions.

Gently, I lift his dead weight hand, removing it from it's current position against my hip and scoot back a little. There is a break in his breathing, but then the pace picks back up to the soft, breathy sounds. I continue to shift so my body is just a few inches away from his, but I can't bring myself to go any further. I place his hand against my stomach, keeping our hands laced together and settle in to fall back asleep.

Staring into the darkness, my eyes start to droop almost immediately. I know sleep will come to me quickly and for that, I am truly grateful. The funny thing is, now that it's coming quickly, I try and fight it. To stay awake and relish in the feeling between Edward and me. I have no idea if I'll ever get this again and I want to cherish every moment.

My eyelids are heavy, begging me to give in. Behind me, Edward sighs and pulls me to him, nuzzling his face into my hair and tightening his grip against my stomach. My back is flush against his chest and I have to resist the urge to cry out at the roaring heat that runs over my skin, hitting every possible nerve in my body.

A huge smile plays across my face. Just moments ago, I wanted to be closer. I got as close as I could handle without freaking out and he finished it for me. Subconscious or not, he pulled me to him.

I fall back asleep quickly. My dreams are like flashes of light and never settle on one thing. Alice and me as kids and in present day. My parents settling me into bed or exchanging a morning kiss over coffee. The sight of Jasper hanging out at the house or me laughing as Emmett talks. Images of Edward and me, although blurry, are the brightest light of all.

It's the first night in a long, long time that I have not had any semblance of a nightmare.

I wake up disoriented as I try and get my bearings on where I am. I still rest in the same position I had fallen asleep in, but Edward's hand is no longer in mine. And although I feel relaxed, I feel empty. I touch the bed behind me and it's cold. Edward is gone.

I roll back over and tuck my hands under my head, curling up into a ball. I feel like I'm going to cry, but I have no idea why. _So what if he's not here now? He was here last night._ But I can't help it. I know it's stupid and irrational, but sometimes emotions just are that way.

I feel myself unable to hold them back when my eyes fall upon the bedside table. My iPhone is plugged in and there is a note resting on top.

_"Be back soon. ~E"_

I flop back onto the pillow, a large smile plastered on my face. I'm such a goon.

I hop out of his bed and into the bathroom, brushing my teeth quickly. I get the bright idea that I should make breakfast or something. I mean, he let me stay here for two nights. He made me the magic soup for goodness sake. The least I can do is make a simple breakfast.

Entering the kitchen, I scan all of the cabinets and the fridge to see what Edward has stocked. I am beyond amazed at his meticulous order for things. Last night, when I stared at his grossly, massive collection of DVDs, I figured that the cataloging was just strange and limited to the DVDs. Who alphabetizes things by genre other than a library? Apparently, Edward Cullen. So I stared at his suspended, seamless, glass DVD shelves, completely overwhelmed with what to look for. The first thing I pulled down was a thick book that I thought might be an anthology of something. Perhaps like the James Bond discs removed from their cases and placed in sleeves. No, it was a list. A typed list of every single DVD. Listed by title, genre, sub-genre and their location on the shelving system. In addition, there was a column for if any were lent out to list their name and the date it was borrowed. Madness.

But I did not expect the same, painfully, meticulous attention to his cabinets and refrigerator. Nothing is mingling. Oils are kept separate from vinegars and appear to be in alphabetical order and then maybe by color? It's hard to tell, but there are four kinds of olive-oil; all in four different shades and they appear to go backwards in color in their unassuming and classic glass jars. The same with the grape seed oil, sesame oil, truffle oil. Well, you get the point. His spices are not in the generic store-bought containers plastered with the seal of the manufacturer and I wonder if he even gets them at a regular grocery store. Again, alphabetized and then sorted by potency maybe? Leaf-type? I can't even be sure, but I'm not going to mess with it. In the fridge, everything is lined up in a nice neat order. The glass shelves practically gleam in the light. All the refrigerated condiments facing the same direction. I open the stainless steel freezer. Everyone's freezer is a mess right? Apparently not. Two bottles of Grey Goose sit on the top shelf, side by side. There is a shelf for frozen veggies all lined up by type. A shelf for beef and a separate one for poultry and fish divided equally on each side of the shelf. In the middle, there were freezer bags with what appeared to be leftovers. All neatly labeled and stacked evenly. I assume things his mom made for him. How cute.

I check under the sink and the cleaning supplies are in individual, little identical buckets in shape, but varied by color. Each has a label on it for the room it is to be used in. Master bathroom, guest bathroom one, half-bath, guest bedroom two. He has two guest bedrooms? I mean, Alice's house is four bedrooms, but we live in Forks. There are too many buckets to bother with and they almost all have the same products inside. The duplication efforts are funny to me and I laugh out loud. I am really starting to think that this permeated to every area of his life. In fact, it makes me curious. I sprint down the deep mahogany wood floors of the long hallway and stop in his bedroom. I try to open the closet door, which is made out of cloudy glass, but it has no handle. I press around on the wall until I see a small button by the window that, when pushed, opens the door. Sure enough, the order persists. I stare down the lines of the large walk-in, completely amazed. Hangers - all facing the same way. Items grouped by style, then by color-gradation. Shoes, lined racks on the wall, in the same organized fashion. All perfectly polished or laces tied. Nothing out of place. I immediately wonder if Alice has ever seen his closet. The two of them should go shopping. There are jeans, suits, sweaters, button downs, slacks, ties, hats, belts, etc. Everything in it's place and nothing is cramped together like it is in my not-so-organized closet.

I make my way back to the kitchen to continue what I started. I pull out the ingredients for French toast and settle in to make breakfast. While cooking, my mind roams over various thoughts. I am beyond astounded at the manner in which Edward keeps his home. I wonder if he has to work at it. I have to resist the urge to look around some more just out of sheer awe. After all, I am here to sleep not to snoop.

As I crack the eggs to make the egg wash for the bread, I think back to Friday. When Mike confronted me in the parking lot, I was terrified. Devoid of all thoughts, just fear. When he left and the thoughts returned, the only thing that came to mind was Edward. I needed him. I wanted him. I can't explain it. That's just the way it was. The way it still is. I wasn't sure if he would come. By the time I hung up the phone, the blackness was consuming me and I could no longer process anything going on. I could only hope that Mike was really gone because if he was not, he surely could have taken me and no one would know.

I felt Edward before I saw him. I smelled his alluring scent before my eyes registered his beautiful face. But I couldn't believe it. I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me from the hysteria. And then, he touched me and I knew I wasn't imagining things. That kind of electricity cannot be born out of imagination alone. The horror on his face shocked me, but I was too lost to put on a brave face. I must have looked like a damn mess.

I crumbled in his arms and he carried me. Something I wish I could have one day without the dramatic flare of harrowing situations. I felt safe and protected. It was like being shielded by an impenetrable force field.

As I flip the French toast, I realize that I can't really remember anything between being placed in his car and waking up to his face staring down at me. His brows knitted together in confusion and pain as my eyes fluttered open to the sound of his silken voice and I tried to register where I was. It was a raging war between the comfort of my body in his deliciously, comfortable bed and the anxiety threatening my mind. I knew I had a nightmare.

With gentle force, he asked that I tell him what had been going on. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. I owed him that. I owed myself that. I knew when I was done, I would know if I was too damaged for him to even bother to look at me anymore. His reaction would tell me so much. When I finished, I was ready for him to call me a slut or a stupid girl. To laugh in my face. Anything but the reaction I got. He was furious, but not at me. A small light sparked in my soul, but was overshadowed by the pain in my heart. A small weight had been lifted for finally telling him something I had wanted to tell him for weeks, but couldn't and now that it hung between us, I was scared for a different reason. _What now? _

I collapsed from exhaustion. I wanted him to crawl across the mattress and pull me to him, but I didn't know how to ask and I could see in his eyes that he didn't know what to do. His eyes were so expressive. They said so much when he couldn't. The varying shades of green spoke to different emotions. I'd seen a few of them now. The lightest shade was like when the sun shines in the morning over the dense forest floor – he's happy. The olive green, neither crisp nor clear, but more of a thick green, indicated a state of confusion or lack of understanding. The dark, almost black green was like the dead of night – he's angry. I watched as he switched between anger and confusion. And I wondered what was running through his mind. I sought comfort in the simplest way I knew how by reaching out to him with my hand and he barely hesitated before grasping it. Running small circles with his thumb, I felt soothed enough to let my body fall asleep even though I knew my mind wouldn't.

_Shit._ I almost burn breakfast thinking about that night. That's nice, Bella. _'Thanks Edward for letting me stay. Sorry I burned down your kitchen thinking about you.'_ Though, I'm not sure if he'd be flattered or angry.

Just then, I hear an electronic beeping sound and the front door opens. I tense up. Moments later, Edward strolls into the kitchen. He's wearing sweats and a hoodie and he still looks delicious. His hair is completely wind blown and my fingers twitch from wanting to touch it.

"Hey," he calls out into the kitchen with such a sweet smile. I can only smile back. "I brought you some coffee. A Triple, Venti, Skinny, Cinnamon Dolce Latte right?"

"How did you know?"

"From last week when we ran into each other at Starbucks. This is the shit you ordered."  
_  
Right. Of course he'd remember._ Edward walks into the kitchen and settles the coffee onto the counter then turns to look at me.

"So..." Edward kind of half smiles as he rubs his hand over the back of his neck. I look down at the floor and start to draw circles with my barefoot. The near black polish in contrast to the ash gray stone. The silence hangs there like a lead blanket. Before it can get any more awkward, Edward excuses himself to take a shower. Something about being sweaty from a run. As he walks past me, the concentrated musk of his scent swirls through the air. It is like pure, untouched scent of Edward and I can feel my heart rate pick up and a tingling in my belly as I inhale deeply to take it all in. So delicious.

"What's all this?" I quickly turn around at the sound of his voice. "Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." A warm smile creeping across his face. He's fully clothed now, but I wish he wasn't. He's rubbing a towel through his damp hair to remove the excess moisture. I can imagine me sitting behind him, my legs wrapped around his waist as I dry his hair for him after we've showered together. _Oh, God._

"Uhm. Well..." Good grief, Bella. Spit it out. "I decided to make breakfast to say thank you for letting me stay here. For uhm...saving me," I whisper the last part.

"You didn't have to do that, Bella. Really."

"I didn't have to. I wanted to. Is this okay?"

"Shit, Bella. It's more than okay. I just wish you hadn't gone through so much fucking trouble."

"Well. You need to eat and I'm here so..." His lips spread into a wry smile. I look at him confused until I realize what just came out of my mouth. Edward laughs as he makes his way to the breakfast bar and sits down.

I watch as he picks up his knife and fork and cuts his French toast into perfectly square pieces. Rotating the plate to different angles to ensure the right cut. Then he dribbles the syrup across in an intentional pattern. A bit of syrup drips onto his finger and he plunges it into his mouth to lick it off. _Oh my god. Why is that so hot and why can't I breathe normally?_

"What?" Edward asks. I just shake my head and go back to my own plate, avoiding his gaze as I try to get my breathing under control.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Bella. This is so damn good."

I blush. I don't dare watch him though. I remember the risotto and I wasn't nearly as aware of him then as I am now.

Edward cleans up the dishes. I try and help and he pushes me away, saying it will take him no time at all and since I cooked, it's not right for me to clean. I wander into his living room and settle onto the couch. The same couch I managed to land on top of him while sleeping the night before. I glance around the room, taking in more of the sights. The dark wood and glass must be Edward's thing. His kitchen has crystal clear glass cabinet doors surrounded by a very deep cherry wood and is accompanied by a black granite counter, speckled with gray flecks. The same gray in the stone of the floor.

And here, in the living room, the wood is so dark it might as well be black. Sun streams in through the plate windows and bounces off of the glass detailing on tables and silver knobs for handles on drawers. Deep blue and silver striped pillows adorn the soft black furniture in the room. Along the walls, there are some pictures - mostly black and white with a few exceptions. I stand up from the couch and walk around to look at them. There are a few pieces that look to be shots of locations, but I can't place them. There are a few more abstract shots. Like one that looks like the inside of a puddle. I stare at this for a long time, confused.

Moving on, there are more shots with people. There's a picture of Edward, Jasper and Emmett hovering around a car. It looks to be a few years old maybe. Emmett is elbow deep into the hunk of metal, sweat glistening on his brow. Jasper is crouched down with some tools in his hand, black smudges are on his cheek. And Edward is flat on his back on one of those rolling things. It looks like he just rolled out from under the car. All three boys are wearing huge smiles. Another one is a family picture and I'm stunned at the beauty of his parents. They look so young and healthy. It's a candid shot and everyone is laughing. Rosalie has her arm around Edward and her head is thrown back in laughter as Edward looks in the direction of his parents. Dr. Cullen has his arms wrapped around Mrs. Cullen's waist as she's leaning over laughing. Perhaps someone told a joke before they took the shot. It's so sweet, but it makes my heart hurt. _Parents. Family_.

"Hey." I turn around to see Edward leaning against the wall with a small smile.

"I was just looking at your photos."

"Oh. This one," he says as he comes over and sees me looking at his family picture, "was earlier this year. Rose had surprised my parents and came home for their anniversary. This was taken early in the day before the party."

I nod. Thinking about my own parents and how I've spent every one of their anniversaries with them as well. At their grave sites.

"You okay? Are you ready to go?"

"What? Oh, yeah. I guess."

The drive back to Forks is uneventful. Edward tells me, as we are leaving Seattle, that Alice and Jasper got my car last night. Since I was asleep, they chose to let me stay that way. I had to resist a smile.

Pulling into the driveway, I see my car as well as both Alice and Jasper's. Getting out, Edward holds the door for me and we make it up the path to the house. I glance around us, looking for any signs of Mike out of paranoia. I smile when his hand makes its way down to the small of my back as we walk forward. It's soft and barely touching me, but I can feel it.

"Bella! You're home?" Alice calls as she flings the front door open and pulls me in for a hug.

I'm about to say something when Jasper appears in the hall as well and flashes a charming smile.

"You staying?" Edward asks Jasper from his spot by the door.

"No. He's going. Bella and I are going to have some girl time."

"Well, I guess not. She's kicking me out," Jasper says with a chuckle.

"Alright, let's call Em and see if he wants to get some drinks or something."

"Thank you for keeping her safe," Alice says to Edward as she bounces over on the balls of her feet and reaches up to kiss his chin. Edward bends down and plants a kiss on her cheek before smiling over at me. "We had a good time," he says.

"Bye, baby," Alice flits over to Jasper and starts to kiss all over him as he pulls her close.

Edward strolls over to me and I feel my skin start to heat. _Oh my god, this is so awkward for me. What do I say? What do I do?_ Leaning down, he places a soft kiss against my right cheek and then the left. Lingering just a beat longer on the second kiss. Then, he leans in further so his lips just barely graze my ear. "Be safe," he whispers. His warm breath causing the hairs on my neck to stand up. A tiny, barely visible shudder runs through me as my knees buckle a little.

"Bye," I barely manage to get out in a whisper. He smiles as he and Jasper head out.

"So, you little trixie, tell me. How was it?" Alice is pulling me into the kitchen, practically begging me to spill. Like she has to beg. I can't wait to tell her.

So I do. On the phone at Edward's, I had told her all about Mike and the parking garage and that I told Edward the ugly truth. I heard her stifled sniffles as I cried about the fear of being trapped. She was livid at Mike and I could hear her smile through the phone as I relayed Edward's reaction. There was no need to talk about the bad stuff now. So, I just tell her about the soup and she laughs. She already knows where the soup came from and thinks my reaction is amusing. Alice says it was Jasper's suggestion because it did so many things for him as a kid during the crap his family put him through.

I tell her about the movies and how Edward's crazy organizing system is beyond ridiculous so I just picked the easiest thing I could find that would last hours to keep my mind off of the encroaching anxiety. She asks me how I managed to fall asleep on top of him and I tell her that I have no clue. Because I don't, but I'm not complaining about it. She compliments me on faking to be asleep, which made it easier for her to get Jasper to leave me there. Apparently, we make a good team.

"What?" I ask her, because she is nearly bouncing off of the seat and it's distracting.

"I wanna show you something." She dashes over to the counter and picks up her phone. "Look," she says as she shoves it in my hands.

I flick the screen as the phone comes to life. It's a photo. The photo is me and Edward. Asleep. On his couch. He has one hand behind his head and the other is resting in my hair, strands wrapped around his elegant fingers. I have one leg slightly bent around his thigh as the other trails straight. I can only see one of my hands and it's holding onto his shirt, the material crinkled from my grip. It's an aerial shot, most likely from the back of the couch and you can see both of our faces. I look peaceful, content. Both of our lips are curved slightly on the edges. And Edward. Well, he's just perfect. A statue of perfection in his sleep with his perfectly chiseled facial features.

I email the pic to myself.

"You two are so damn cute," she squeals, "Jasper had to take my phone so I would stop snapping photos. Look at you. I've known you my entire life, Bella. You have _never_ slept so well. Ever."

I shrug. "It just happened. It was so easy."

"Easy is good. So what else?"

"He has the softest bed ever! I have no idea where those silk-like gray sheets come from, but I think I want some."

"Or you could just sleep on his on a regular basis," Alice interjects. I roll my eyes at her.

"Eventually, he carried me to it and laid me down. I didn't want him to go; I asked him to stay. I didn't think he would, but he did. And I fell asleep. We both did. So this is the best part."

Alice lets out a squeal and leans forward as if moving closer will add more to the story.

"So. I've told you about the electricity feeling right? Well, it woke me up. The shirt I was wearing had risen up and Edward's hand was on my hip and the sensation was enough to wake me. I moved closer to him, as close as I could allow myself. I just wanted to be wrapped in him entirely. But I chickened out and stopped a few inches away. Then," I pause because I can feel the heat in my body as I remember the night. It's unsettling.

"Oh my god. What?" Alice almost screams.

"Then, he pulled me to him, closing the gap I left," I let out in a whoosh of a breath.

"Shut up! Was he awake? Do you know?"

"No. I think he was asleep. Does it matter?"

"No. I don't think it does. Do you see my point now? About the gravitation. You somehow managed to fall asleep on top of him and neither of you know how. And the stuff that happened in bed when you were both in and out of varying states of consciousness. Come on, Bella. You have to see it now."

"I think I do. It's so confusing. It doesn't make sense to me. I guess that's why I trust it."

"That's good. Go with that."

"With Mike, it made sense. Logically, everything went from one step to the next. What a shit show that turned out to be. I think I like this better. Even though it does scare the crap out of me."

"Just remember, Edward is not Mike."

"Trust me, I can never get the two confused. Edward saw me order coffee once and managed to commit it to memory. In two years, Mike never got it right."

**~F&FS~  
**

Monday. I hate Mondays. Mondays suck. Mondays suck even more so after a night of fitful, restless sleep on Sunday. Last night, I tossed and turned and fretted all night. I finally just gave up and angrily stormed downstairs to the office-like room Alice made for me. I checked the windows to make sure they were locked and threw myself into the papasan in the corner and wrapped myself in the fleece throw. The eerie quiet was unsettling as I tried to shake off the nightmare and the fear of being watched. I turned on the iHome and relaxed into my seat as music filtered through the room and drowned the blaring silence.

I woke with a start to Alice's voice ringing through the house, calling my name. I jumped from my seat, dropping my copy of _The Lovely Bones_ on the floor just as Alice entered the room.

"There you are!"

It was late. I must have fallen asleep and overslept so I hurried to get out of the house. Furious about how my night had gone and just tired. Really, very tired. Now that I had slept well over the weekend and remembered what it felt like, I'm pretty pissed to not have it on a regular basis.

Adding to my frustration is the constant bombardment of texts, phone calls and emails from Alice, Jasper, Edward and even Emmett. Then, add that to Angela's constant questioning to see if I'm okay and I feel like I'm going to explode. I don't like being the center of attention and they are just downright annoying. Well, maybe not Edward. But even him. It makes me wonder if his masked tenderness over the weekend is just because he feels pity and nothing else. And that, I just don't want to deal with.

"What?" I bark into the phone when it rings.

"Fucking hell. What's gotten into you?" Edward's smooth voice rolls through the line.

"Nothing."

"Huh. I just wanted to uhm...check on you I guess."

"I text you back, I'm fine." I can't help the biting tone in my voice. I don't mean it. Really. I'm just frazzled.

"Yes, I got that text. In my experience, 'fine' as a goddamn description for a woman's emotions doesn't usually equal a good thing. I have a sister."

"Alice and Jasper aren't keeping you informed? God knows they've been up my ass all morning."

Edward laughs. "I spoke to both of them. Not about you necessarily, but you came up. And I don't like to believe every fucking thing I'm told. I can just ask you. So I'm asking. How are you?"

"Really. I'm fine. No creepy exes popping out from behind my trash can."

"That's not fucking funny, Bella," Edward's voice interjects in a harsh tone.

"I know. I'm just tired. I didn't sleep well last night. And it was a rushed morning. So I'm just frazzled, but I'm fine. Really."

"Uhm. Okay." It seems like he wants to say more, but he can't or won't. "I've gotta go."

"Oh? Uhm. Okay then. I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah."

We hang up and I want to call him back. Because I just want to hear his voice. I wonder if I can record him the next time I see him. Carry Edward in my pocket on my phone to listen to whenever I want. _Yep. I'm crazy_.

The rest of the day is a waste. I'm thankful for the slower pace and the quiet around the office due to the pending holiday because I get absolutely nothing done. I find myself checking various websites for bands coming to town and day dreaming about the feel of Edward's lips on mine. Contemplating what I should do now, if I do anything. Trying not to think about the pending doom of the holiday season. In all these years, I never got over not having my parents around for them. Anything but marking up the draft of the cookbook the lay directly in front of me while I count down the hours until I can go home.

**~F&FS~  
**

"Ali," I call out for her after the doorbell rings. "Alice," I call when it rings for a second time. _Where is she?_

I wipe my hands on the towel hanging out of my apron as I make my way to the front door. Damn her. She is usually at the door before the person even has a chance to knock on it or ring the bell and now she's nowhere in sight.

"Hold on," I shout at the door as I work at the locks. Alice had someone come by to change all the locks today and add a couple of new ones for her sanity and my safety.

"I hope you looked through the peep hole and didn't just open the door. Otherwise, the locks are pointless," Jasper chastises from the other side of the door.

"Hi to you, too."

"Hi darlin'," he says as he pulls me in for a hug. "Doin' alright?"

"For like the millionth time, Jasper, I'm fine."

"Alright. Edward's behind me. He just left something in the car."

"Oh." Jasper smiles like he knows a secret and heads past me in search of Alice. I mildly start to freak out. I'm a mess. I have on these too big sweats and tank. My hair is in a messy ponytail and I'm sure I have flour on my face from the dough for the pot pie. Seeing Jasper like this is one thing, but with Edward it makes me nervous. As if on cue, Edward appears at the door with that dashing smile that makes my knees weak. I open the door wider for him to come in and he plants a soft kiss on my cheek as he passes. I can really get used to that greeting.

"Here," he says as he thrusts a small gift bag in my direction.

"What's this?"

"It's a gift, obviously. Just open the shit."

"Gifts are not necessary. Really." I open the bag to see a small can-like thing resting inside. I pull it out and read the canister. Pepper spray. "Pepper spray?"

"Yep. Girls with crazy-as-shit exes who get off stalking them and confronting them in dark garages should not go without a fucking means of defense. Personally, I was considering getting you a fucking gun. A cute little one, if you can call a gun fucking cute and shit. Then Jasper had to go and ruin my plans by reminding me of gun licensing and all that shit." Edward shrugs like it's no big deal.

I just laugh a thank you and set the bag down next to my purse before locking the door and walking back to the kitchen. Inside, I'm doing a dance. He's concerned for my safety.

"Are you guys going to stay for dinner?"

"Sure. If you want?"

"I do want," I say with a smile. This time, I mean it the way it sounds.

Edward walks over to the freezer with a smile while shaking his head and pulls out the Grey Goose that we keep in there. He holds it up to me in a question as if to ask if I want a drink. I nod to say yes and turn back to the stove.

"So what are you making?" he asks, handing me the drink.

"Chicken pot pie. This is the filling. I'm about to put it in the oven." He nods while taking a sip of his drink and then he leaves the kitchen. I assume to find Alice and Jasper. Though, if I were him, I'd leave them alone. I know I don't want to walk in on my best friend with her naked ass in the air.

Leaving the kitchen, I can hear them in the living room having a laugh. "What's so funny?" I ask, as I enter.

"Stewie," Jasper and Edward call out at the same time. My eyes flicker over to the TV and sure enough, they're watching Family Guy. Figures. Alice is sitting on the couch with her legs curled under her and a sketch pad on her lap, paying no attention to what's going on around her. I sit on the edge of the over sized love seat that Edward is sitting on and kind of watch TV with them, but really, I'm just eating up the air around him.

He moves over and pats the seat indicating I can sit next to him. I slide down the arm of the furniture so I'm no longer on the edge. I want to swing my legs around and place them in his lap or lean over and rest my head on his chest. I don't. I just rest my hands in my lap and lean back against the cushion.

When the food is ready, we eat with Jasper and Edward rehashing the moments they loved from Family Guy as Alice and I roll our eyes. It's cute though. Watching them like this. All fun and games.

"Where's Emmett?" I ask, realizing a piece of the puzzle is missing as I recall the photo in Edward's living room.

"He's spending some time with his parents before they go on vacation," Jasper explains and I nod.

After dinner, Alice pulls Jasper from the kitchen and Edward helps me clean up. Basically because I refuse to let him do it even though he insists because I cooked. It's companionable silence as we work to clean up the kitchen side by side. Putting the food away, filling the dishwasher, washing the pots, cleaning the surfaces.

"Do you know you hum? When you cook and now I guess, when you clean too?"

"Really? I never noticed."

"I first noticed during the cooking class. What goes through your mind when you hum? Is it an actual song or some random shit?"

"Uhm. I'm not sure. I don't think so. Maybe. It's not intentional." We fall into another silence. I truly never knew I did that. No one ever brought it to my attention. I think it's something I picked up from my mom. She used to hum a lot when I was a child. Random melodies that would flit through her head. I smile to myself, now knowing that I have that in common with her.

"What? Why are you smiling?"

"It's just, my mom used to hum and I guess I picked it up. Thank you for pointing it out." Edward gives me a warm smile that sends butterflies to flight in my stomach. I wonder if he realizes that by him pointing out my humming, he gave me a piece of my mother that I had long forgotten.

"So, Thursday. My mom is making this huge fucking turkey for Thanksgiving. Come?"

Sometimes, I can't be sure if he's asking or telling. Either way, why would I say no?

"Yeah? That would be okay?" I immediately think of meeting his parents. I'm going to meet his parents and we aren't even dating. That's screwy. And Rose. But maybe at her parents' house she won't be so cold towards me.

"Esme loves having people over and uhm...I'm gonna be there so..."

"Ready, bro?" Jasper calls from the doorway.

"Yeah. Hold on. So?" he asks, turning back to me, "are you gonna come?"

_Oh my god. What?_ I have to blink several times to realize he's asking me if I'm going to come to dinner and that he didn't mean it in any other way. Of course, then I realize I wish he did. God knows I've dreamed about it enough.

"Yes. Thursday. Dinner. Got it. I'll be there. Uhm, Alice, too?"

"I figured Jasper already roped her into it and shit. He'll be there, too. Every fucking year since we were ten. Dinner is at four, but we basically do the whole fucking day so come over whenever."

"I'm sure Alice will have me there before the sun rises," I say with a laugh.

"I'm sure, too." Edward leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek before he strolls out of the kitchen.

Then it occurs to me that I won't see him until Thursday. That sucks.

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**A/N**

**Coldplaywhore has done a fantastic, surprise review of Fate & Forgotten Secrets. You can check it out here **(http:(slash)(slash)picffcorner(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2009/12/underappreciated-fic-week-fate(dot)html)

**I love my readers!**

**xx**


	27. Ch 26: Dawning

**A/N:**

**My beta's are like the best fucking French toast ever. cclore and PhoenixMP3 - ti amo**

In fun news – F&FS has been nominated for a TwiFic Indies Award. A special thanks and all my love and gratitude goes out from me and the entire Fate & Forgotten Secrets team to all of you who took that leap and nominated. (http:/www{dot}theindietwificawards{dot}com)

I have more fun for you at the end. But enjoy the chapter for now.

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 26: Dawning**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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My eyes burn with a painful itch as I sit here and stare at the stupid fucking computer screen. The color coded reservations screen stares back at me as the fucking rainbow of colors shift in and out of focus.

I didn't sleep. At fucking all. Not sleeping isn't the fucking problem. It's the thoughts. The rage. The anger. The confusion.

I want to kill Mike Newton.

No, a fate worse than death. Break his jaw, cut off his dick, break his spine. Leave him laying in a pool of his own blood and piss as homage to the fact that he's a fucking monster. He doesn't deserve the peace that death brings if only for the pain he has caused her. Bella. Soft, delicate, beautiful and trusting. And he turned that against her.

In fucking hindsight, I should have known. The skittish behavior, the zoning out, the "please don't look at me" bashfulness. Every time I would compliment her or do something as simple as hold the goddamn door, she would appear shocked and look at me like she didn't deserve it. The shit made no sense at the time. Or how, even though she seemed comfortable with us on occasion, she'd internalize and hide.

Just recently, we were all at the girls' house because Bella had insisted on feeding us again. After dinner, everyone was just hanging around watching _The Hangover_ and Bella made a joke to Emmett during the precinct scene, when the taser couldn't take down "Fat Jesus", about how she bet it would take at least three, but most likely five shots, to take down Emmett. Emmett bounded up from his seat on the couch and lunged at Bella, tickling her to hysterics. Everyone was laughing as Emmett's roaring laughter filled the room combined with Bella's tinkling giggles.

When she fell backwards onto the other couch and Emmett was hovering over her, she fucking freaked out. The laughter just stopped and she froze like a deer in fucking headlights. When he stood up, Alice rushed to her and helped her up and out of the room. I didn't see Bella again that night. Emmett was playing with Bella, but something fucked it up. Now, it makes sense.

Emmett's pouncing on her probably reminded her of that awful fucking night as that fucking coward leered over her. She told me that Newton threw her on the bed, the parallels between the two events are evident now. I wasn't even there, but the mental visual alone is enough to make me fucking sick.

Watching her relive that night in my bed as she recounted the events to the best of her ability was hard. More than hard, it almost fucking broke me. My own reaction scared me. And now, not being in that moment, I can see it more clearly. I wanted to kill him and comfort her, but I had no idea how to do either. And as amped up as I may seem, I am not prone to violent thoughts without provocation. I don't just randomly walk around wanting to hurt people. Nor am I the comforting type. Both feelings were so fucking strong and at war with each other. It was torture. So, I stayed. I didn't go out to look for Mike and fuck knows I wanted to. I stayed because something told me she needed me to stay and that was more important than exacting sweet revenge.

The weekend had been strange because she almost seemed fine. _Almost_. I could see the pain in her eyes and at times she would still wrap her arms around herself like she was trying to hold her shit together. Other than that, nothing.

She ended up staying another night and if I had to be one hundred percent fucking honest, I was happy about that shit. I knew that fucker was lurking around watching her. And I also knew he wasn't coming anywhere near her as long as she was with me. The asshole would get to live another day.

I was all prepared to lay her down and go to the guest room or sleep in the oversized chair in my room, but she asked me to stay with her. Her voice was so soft; it tugged at me in a way I had never experienced before. I didn't think I could, but I wanted to. I didn't know if I should, but I did. Within minutes, Bella was sound asleep; her soft breathing barely audible in the night. It amazed me how quickly and soundly she fell asleep. And I recalled Alice's earlier words about Bella's sleep habits. I wondered what was different now. I selfishly wondered if it had something to do with me. I knew more likely, it had everything to do with the exhaustion that was her life.

It took me a while to fall asleep. I just watched her. I watched the slow rise and fall of her chest in time with her breathing. I watched as she shifted and her hair fell forward, covering part of her face. I surprised the shit out of myself when I brushed it back, allowing the pale moon to set it's sight on her fair skin. She really was fucking beautiful.

I can't be sure when I fell asleep. I have no fucking clue how long I slept. What I know is that I woke up with Bella pressed flush against me, my hand around her waist, open palm pressed against her flat stomach, and a mouth full of fucking hair. Despite the mouth full, I couldn't ignore the shit-eating grin that suddenly appeared on my face at her peaceful form safe and sound in my arms, all soft and warm. And I know I'm fucking crazy because I don't cuddle.

I wish I could have felt as peaceful as she looked, but the rage still coursed through my system and it became more and more pronounced the further my mind stepped into consciousness. I needed some kind of a release. Mentally, I ran through a list of girls I could call. The funny thing is, the thoughts fucking repulsed me. Chastity, Deanna, Gianna, Kim, Jenelle, Jessica, Jo, Michaela. The list goes on. Not a single one was what I wanted. In fact, I felt my morning wood deflate as I ran through the list.

I silently slipped away and put on my running clothes. I wasn't sure if I should wake her or let her sleep. So I left her a note just in case she woke up. I needed a serious fucking run. I was hoping that pounding the pavement would beat the rage into submission before I did some really dumb shit.

I ran hard on my normal route. Taking a left from my building and following the bike path on the main road. Breaking Benjamin blasting through the earbuds in my ears as the steady thud of my feet against the concrete resonated in my body. I pushed myself as I turned off the path and onto the softer dirt down by the river that ran along the park. Through trees and brush, I fought the burn in my muscles and the thoughts in my head. I kept going, even though my muscles begged me to stop and take a breath.

I almost felt my body sigh in relief as I walked into Starbucks for my morning coffee. I didn't know if Bella would be awake when I got back, but I ordered her coffee anyway. Kim was there and she smiled at me and then frowned when I placed my order. Instead of the usual three drinks, I ordered two and one of them I had never ordered before. I almost laughed out loud at the ugly scowl on her face as I walked to pick up the beverages at the end of the bar.

Bella was awake when I got back. I heard her humming in the direction of the kitchen as I walked through my apartment. I leaned against the wall and watched her for a very brief moment. It seemed as if she was completely oblivious to my presence. I'm not the "barefoot in the kitchen" kind of guy, but I would be a fucking liar if I said that Bella standing in my kitchen barefoot was not a hot fucking sight to see. The cooking was just an added bonus. Emmett has this theory about girls and their choice of polish. Red is the ultimate vixen, which is what Rosalie wears. She's been painting her nails red for as long as I can remember. Girls with pink toes are supposed to be all sweet and chaste. And girls with darker colors are just waiting to be sprung free sexually. Bella's color was almost black. I don't really prescribe to his bullshit, but I couldn't help but make the comparison.

I immediately had to acknowledge the stirring in my shorts and I felt ashamed for ogling her. She wasn't a _thing_ to be ogled. So I spoke up and felt even worse because I fucking startled her, but she smiled back showing she was in fact okay.

The interaction was awkward and stilted; a complete contrast to our conversations the day before. She was surprised that I knew her coffee preferences and I mentally reminded myself that she was not used to attentive people. I mean, I know Alice is very observant, but they have known each other for-fucking-ever so that has to be like second nature. I didn't know what to say or do. So I went to take a shower. And yeah, I rubbed one out. Fucking shoot me.

Imagine my complete fucking surprise to come out of the shower, thoroughly relaxed, to a full spread of fruit, juice, bacon and French toast. And not just any French toast. The best fucking French toast I have ever had. French toast is the ultimate fucking breakfast food. I consider myself a connoisseur. So, I know what the fuck I'm talking about when I tell you that it was the best French toast I have ever had.

We didn't talk. Well, other than Bella's slip up with her malfunctioning brain-to-mouth filter. It was cute to watch her cheeks flush as she realized the full force of her words – _"you need to eat and I'm here so…"_ – priceless. We ate and I cleaned up because that's what you're supposed to do. What kind of Neanderthal would have her cleaning up dishes after she voluntarily made the best goddamn French toast ever?

It was nice that the awkward veil had been lifted. I don't really do awkward. I prefer to have shit out in the open, but Bella is different. I always felt like dealing with her would be different. And now I know for sure and I know why.

My bubble burst the minute I walked into my living room and saw her looking at a picture of my family. A look of pain and loss resonated in her expression and I resisted the urge to walk over and hold her. Where all these urges are coming from, I have no fucking clue. I can only really think of one urge that I've ever felt repeatedly before. And I've never tried to fight it. When I called out to her, she placed a mask on to cover the feelings that were there, but it was too late. I had seen them. I wanted to take them away.

I took her home.

I left to drive home.

The sad look in her eyes as I walked out the damn door haunting me as I pushed my baby through the town streets.

I fought the urge to turn around and plant myself in one of Ali's guest rooms or on the couch or next to Bella...

I didn't sleep. At fucking all.

I need to know for myself that she is okay today. Alice has already been by _Eclipse_ and mentioned they had a rushed and distracted morning. But first, she told us that she ran all through the house looking for Bella because she wasn't in her room. As she told the tale of running from room to fucking room I felt my heartbeat pick up. An unfamiliar panic started to settle in as fuckawful thoughts ran through my mind. I started to blame myself for leaving her there unprotected. My place to protect her or not, I don't give a shit.

So when Alice told us she found Bella in her study, I flipped a fucking gasket. I shouted at her about leading a story with the good news and not the frantic bad shit. This made her scream back at me about being insensitive, which made Jasper yell at me for pissing her off. I really didn't know how to explain to them that the thoughts I was having of that sick fuck sneaking in and stealing Bella while listening to Ali's recall of the morning set me on edge. So, I stormed up to my office and I've been here since.

I have no idea if Alice knows the full situation. I assume she does. Alice means everything to Bella and I know it's returned fucking ten-fold. I can't really see her keeping this from Ali or for Ali to just not figure it out. And I really have no idea if Jasper knows all the details either. I know he's close to Bella, but I can't imagine him keeping his cool this long if he does know. And it's not my fucking tale to tell.

I pick up my phone to call her. It's afternoon, past lunch time. I've been putting it off all morning. Not sure if I should. Not sure how she'll take it. And the minute she answers the phone, I regret making the call.

She sounds upset. Almost angry actually and I don't want to contribute to that. I guess people have been bombarding her all damn morning. I know I sent her a text or two. Okay, I sent three. When she says she's okay, I don't really believe her. And I really don't fucking appreciate her deflecting jokes about creepy exes. It's not funny because I bet that fucker would lurk around a trash can like the low-life he is.

When she tells me she didn't sleep well last night, again I selfishly wonder if it has something to do with me. I push the thought away because logically, this makes no fucking sense. I know mom says she doesn't sleep as well the nights when dad is on shift at the hospital, but they're married. They've been together since the fucking Stone Age. They're accustomed to one another.

I go to ask her about it. Ask her if she had any nightmares, see if she wants to hang out over the weekend or something, but I'm interrupted by a knock on my door and Denise strolling in with a box full of shit and dropping it down on my desk with a clang. So I just get off the phone to deal with this bullshit.

"The samples from Bacardi for their new rum flavors have arrived," Denise informs me once I hang up the phone.

"When you fucking knock, do you not know how to fucking wait for a goddamn answer? Or do you just barge into every fucking room like you own the place and shit?"

"I'm sorry. I heard you on the phone and the box is heavy. I didn't want to drop it."

How the fuck does she make me feel guilty about barging into my office? Shit.

"Why didn't you ask one of the guys to carry it for you?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time to do it myself."

I just don't even know what to do with her. So I tell her I'll take the samples from here and she leaves.

Sometime later, I head downstairs to head out and get some coffee and end up running into Jasper, who I have not seen since this morning. Awkwardly, he tells me that he's going over to Alice and Bella's in a little bit. I simply decide that I'm fucking going too. I'm still convinced that Bella is not as 'fine' as she says. Plus, I need to stop by my parents house anyway.

On our way out for the night, Jasper tells me that he's glad I was here when Mike confronted Bella in the parking garage. So I feel more comfortable knowing that he at least knows something. I let him in on my plan by telling Jasper that I'm considering getting Bella a gun. The fucker actually laughs out loud when I say that.

"Edward, you can't just go buying that girl a gun. First of all, for you to purchase one, you need a license and a permit. Then she will need a license and a permit to carry it. Not to mention, I bet she doesn't even know how to wield a gun."

"Her dad was the fucking Chief of Police."

"Yeah. And he died when she was six. I'm sure Chief Swan didn't have his six year-old baby girl playing target practice."

He has a point.

I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration. There has to be something. _Pepper spray_. I remember Rose had some when she went to college. I tell Jasper to drive over to the sporting goods store. And he agrees that pepper spray is a far more practical option.

Arriving at Alice and Bella's, I have to run back to the Range Rover because I left the tiny bag on the floor in the passenger seat when I got out. When I reach the door, I see Bella and I can't help but smile. She looks so...just...Bella. The comfy sweats and the apron, fuzzy striped socks and a messy ponytail. The look is complete with a splatter of flour across the bridge of her nose. I have to resist the urge to reach out and lick the shit off. _Lick? Really? Lick fucking flour?_

I shove the small bag in her hands, distracted by my crazy fucking thoughts of licking flour, and she opens it. I tell her about my original plan to purchase a gun and she laughs as she sets the bag so the side. At least someone finds my gun idea amusing. And I'm fucking excited because she asks us if we're staying for dinner and she wants us to stay for dinner. Wants _me_ to stay. I've become very familiar with their house over the weeks and I make Bella and I each a drink before I leave the kitchen. Because I really fucking need one. I feel all off and shit. Like something is missing. Kind of like when you're lightheaded from not eating, but it's before you get all fucking cranky and irritable with everything and everyone.

Jasper and Alice are in the living room and I'm surprised to see that they aren't fucking all over each other and shit. Alice has her feet curled under her when I walk in and stroll over to the couch. She looks up and smiles at me and I give her a kiss on the cheek before strolling over to the loveseat and sitting down.

"I'm surprised you aren't fucking like rabbits."

"I have work to do, Edward. These designs aren't going to make themselves," Alice says with a laugh. "I can't wait until you get laid. You're awfully annoying when you're horny."

"Who says I'm not getting laid?"

"Are you?" Alice asks as Jasper's head jerks back and forth between us like a tennis match. I don't answer her. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

_Am I really that irritable? It hadn't even occurred to me that sex had been missing. That's fucking insane._

Alice is focusing on her work and ignoring us while Jasper and I are laughing at Family Guy when Bella comes into the room. She is no longer wearing her apron and the sight sends signals straight to my dick. Bella's nipples are hard and creating a tent-like situation in her fucking tank. She sits down on the arm rest and I forcefully avert my eyes and slide over so she can sit on the cushion. Her ponytail falls over her shoulder and I surprise myself because I want to pull it. Not hard, but just a little fucking tug. Maybe it will make her laugh.

Helping Bella clean up after dinner is fun. Really I just like the fact that she argued with me over helping her clean the kitchen. Insisting that it's her house and I was a guest and I didn't need to clean up. I don't fucking listen of course, and I start to help her anyway. At first, she stomps around the kitchen feigning to be mad at me, but I see the corners of her lips turn up into a smile. I can tell she likes this shit just as much as I do.

It's so fucking cute that she hums when she's busy. I've seen her do it when she cooks and now when she cleans. I wonder if she does it for other things too. While she's at work, in the shower, during sex. I shake my head at myself. _Fucking perv_. I guess the lack of sex is starting to be an issue. _Fucking Alice_.

I try to refocus on something else, but the only other thing to focus on is her humming. So I bring it up and the look on her face when she smiles at the memory of her mother's humming is purely fucking beautiful. The brightest smile I have ever seen her wear and it makes my fucking heart soar like I have never experienced before to know that I did that. I made her smile. I can't imagine my life without my parents and Bella has had to live almost her entire life without hers. So if that memory gives her five minutes of a mega-fucking-watt smile, then that's fine by me.

Speaking of parents, I kind of, sort of, ask/tell her to come to Thanksgiving dinner at my parents' house. I guess all this talk of remembering her mom prompts the idea. It's not a big fucking deal. It's just turkey on a day when no one works. Fucking Jasper and his perfect fucking timing interrupts before she can say yes, but she does when his moppy-haired ass leaves the kitchen. I smile at her, happy that she agrees to come and kiss her cheek before I head out the door, pressing my fingers to my lips at the resonating hum left there by the contact with her cheek.

We stop by my parents house, but they aren't home. Fuck knows where they are so I leave a note for them and we head back to Seattle. I realize that I need to tell my mom that I've invited Bella to dinner. I know she won't care, but in case she needs to adjust her seating chart or some shit, she should know.

About halfway home, my phone rings and I answer. It's my mother.

"_Hi, sweetie. I got your note. Sorry I missed you. I was getting some more things for dinner on Thursday. Can you believe that I forgot the potatoes? Then I was in the store and they had these adorable candles that I just had to buy."_

"Yeah. I stopped by with Jazz, but you guys weren't there. We're about halfway home now."

"_Your father is at the hospital tonight, which is all just fine and dandy because I have so much to do around here. But I would have loved to see you, caro."_ It really amuses me how she gets so fussy and shit for holidays and special events. And every single one goes off without a fucking hitch.

"I'll see you on Wednesday. Speaking of which, I ... uhm ... invited someone to come for dinner on Thursday."

"_Oh? Is this someone a girl?"_

"Yes."

"_Do we know her?"_

"Yes."

"_Well, Edward? Who is she?"_

"It's Bella Swan."

"_Oh!"_ she exclaims so loudly that even Jasper chuckles from the driver's seat. _"Is she your girlfriend? You know Rosalie had mentioned you were seeing each other at El Terrazo Carmine that night."_

"No. She's uhm, a friend. Jasper is bringing Ali. I can't leave Bella to have Thanksgiving alone."

"_That's so sweet, caro."_ I can hear her smiling through the fucking phone.

"It's okay, right?"

"_Of course, sweetie. It's more than okay. I'm just so glad to hear you're bringing a girl home."_

"Mom!"

"_I know, I know. A friend. She's still a girl right? Okay, then."_

"I'll see you Wednesday," I say with an annoyed tone.

"_Okay, amore. Give Jasper and Emmett a kiss from me. Ciao."_

"What did she say?" Jasper asks when I hang up.

"Some bullshit nonsense about Bella being a girl I'm bringing home. Even though I told her explicitly it's not even like that. I don't know where that shit is coming from. I blame Rose."

"Really? You have no idea? Good grief you are so dense at times."

"What the fuck are you talking about? I'm starting to get a complex with the way you and Emmett keep insulting my fucking intelligence and shit."

"Okay, 'Mr. Intelligent,' when you figure it out, let me know."

"Fuck you!"

Jasper just laughs and turns up the music. Rascal Flatts fills the air.

"Edward, please go watch football with your father. You're driving me crazy."

"But I always help."

"I know, caro," Esme says, patting my cheek, "but maybe not this year, okay? Go have fun with your friends. You have guests coming anyway." She gives me a kiss on the cheek and spins me around, swatting me on the ass with her hand towel as I walk out of the kitchen.

"What's with the face?" Carlisle asks when I enter the den to a bunch of screaming men and a few bored women.

"Mom kicked me out of the kitchen. She said I was driving her crazy."

"She's not the only one," Rose mumbles. If Dad hadn't muted the TV for a moment, I don't think I would have heard her.

"Shut the fuck up. Who asked you?" Everyone laughs and settles back into watching the game. I go over to the bar and pour myself a drink. I look at the clock; it's two in the afternoon. Shouldn't they be here by now? Jasper comes over to get a beer out of the fridge while I fidget with my glass that I set down on the counter top. "Where's your girl?" I ask him, only slightly irritated.

"Where's yours?"

"Huh?" Jasper shakes his head as he walks away, putting the bottle to his lips for a swig.

I sit down on the couch next to my father, drink in hand, and attempt to watch the game - Raiders vs. Cowboys. What a fucking waste.

"It's a funny thing," Carlisle says, turning to me.

"What is? This game?"

"No. Waiting for a woman," he concludes, patting my shoulder in a fatherly gesture. I just look at him, one eyebrow cocked and he laughs. "I'm going to check on your mother."

Shortly after, the doorbell rings. It's about fucking time, I think to myself as I throw myself off of the couch and head for the door. "I'll get it," I tell Alistair when I see him making his way to the door.

"Thank fuck! I thought you changed your mind," I say as I open the door.

"Oh be quiet, Edward. Why are you so strung out?" Alice asks as she steps over the threshold. I help her out of her coat and she gives me a chin kiss, because she's just that small.

"It's my fault," Bella interrupts before I can answer. "I was making Napoleons to bring because I remembered you said it was your favorite and I underestimated the time that it would take the filling to thicken." _My favorite dessert. For me. Mine. _

"You didn't have to do that. There's plenty of desserts, I'm sure."

"I wanted to!"

I just nod. I'm starting to realize that if she wants to do something, I can't stop her. This was the same shit on Sunday with breakfast. She hands the covered dishes to Alice and I help her out of her coat.

She is wearing, quite possibly, the tightest pants I have ever seen and this sheer wine colored, criss-crossy shirt thing. Whatever, it looks fucking good. I lead them to the kitchen so they can drop off the items they brought with them.

"Isabella!" Esme calls out and pulls Bella into a tight hug.

"Mom, she prefers 'Bella'," I try and correct her, but she just waves me off.

"Do you remember me? Of course not, you were such a baby the last time I saw you. And now look at you. All grown up into a beautiful principessa."

"It's nice to see you, Mrs. Cullen."

"Please, Bella. Call me Esme."

"Okay then." Bella smiles. "I brought some desserts for dinner. I hope that's okay?"

"You didn't have to do that, dear. Thank you. What do we have here? So I know where I should place them until it's time."

"Strawberry cheesecake, lemon tarts, and Napoleons."

"Oh! You made Napoleons? Did you know that is his favorite?" Mom asks nodding in my direction.

"Uhm, he did mention it once in passing."

My mother smiles at Bella and gives me a wink as she moves around Bella to put the tarts in the fridge. I just roll my eyes. My mother is not a winker. It's fucking ridiculous.

"So, can I show you around?" I say as I turn to face the girls once we've left the kitchen.

"You two go on. I've been given the grand tour. I'm going to find Jasper," Alice replies as she heads off down the hallway.

"Okay, so I think we should start at the bottom, work our way up and stop back here," I say and Bella nods in agreement.

I take her to the basement level and show her the guest suite down there as well as the additional kitchen and food storage mom has setup. I show her the game room and tell her the story about the first time Emmett laid eyes on Rosalie and the "tri-game" tournaments Jasper, Emmett and I used to have as kids with darts, pool, and arcade games.

We leave downstairs and move up to the second floor. When we reach the landing, we walk over to the back wall and I point outside and show her the small house where Alistair and Kate live. She asks me about them. I tell her Alistair has mainly been in the capacity of house manager. He used to pick me up from school or would be in charge of procuring a gardening service. More of an advisory capacity I guess, but he's like my uncle. Kate has always been around to help out with housework, cooking, cleaning, etc. They're much older now and aren't as active as they used to be. But Alistair has been with my father since he was a boy so he is part of the family.

We pass by the few guest rooms on the second floor, just glancing inside. I show her my parents' room and her eyes nearly fall out of her head. The 'satiny vanilla tones with gold accents' as Esme would say, remind her of something out of a fairy tale.

"The sleep chambers of a king and queen," she says in awe as we exit.

I point to Rosalie's room, but I don't show her inside. Even though Rose hasn't lived here in a fucking long time, she is still very private about her shit. Mom never changed our rooms from how we left them, but only maintained them and out of respect for Rosalie, I opt not to show her inside. Bella doesn't seem to mind as we make our way up to the third floor.

I show her the room that Jasper used to sleep in when we were growing up. She remarks that it looks like he really lived here. I tell her that he did and that if I showed her his room at his parents' house, it would look more like a fucking museum of untouched furnishings.

"I can't believe it," she says in a small voice, "he told me his dad used to hit his mom. I knew he spent time here. I knew it was bad, but not bad enough for him to hardly ever stay at his home."

"This is Jasper's home, Bella, just as much as it is mine."

"I know. It's just…so sad. We both lost our parents, but in different ways. He's so lucky to have you."

"Yeah. He is, but not because of that. Because his southern charm shines next to my sharp tongue and it gets him laid easier."

Bella swats me on the arm. "That's disgusting, Edward."

"Okay, seriously," I say through laughter, "I love that fucker. I'm just as lucky as he is. And so are you. You have Alice and Alice has you."

Bella smiles as I wrap an arm around her shoulder and turn her towards my room.

I open the door and we enter the room and Bella takes a deep breath. "Are you staying here?"

"Uh, yeah. We all stayed last night. And we're staying tonight. After dinner we'll all just sit around and shoot the shit. Play games, eat some more, drink. I like to stick around and help mom clean up and the guys help. Though, Emmett just picks at the fucking leftovers as we put them away."

Bella nods with a wide smile and walks further into the room. "It's so different from your place now, but yet still the same. Like the dark wood and ridiculously meticulous placement of things. But your bed here is a dark blue and the one at your place is almost silver. And you have a lot of glass in your place."

I lean against the door jam and watch as her eyes roam over my space. Her hands glide gently over the tops of the furniture. She stops and glances at a few pictures for a moment before she moves on.

She stops in front of the wall containing most of the things from my days of playing baseball for a beat longer than usual.

"What?" I move to her side and notice she is wearing a puzzled look.

"I don't remember this. Any of it."

"We weren't friends then."

"I know, but I went to the same school. I should be able to remember the things that happened," she sounds so sad and it pains me to hear it.

"We are a couple years apart, Bella. Shit. Some of these photos are from before you even got to high school."

"You don't have to sugar coat it, Edward. I know I walked around in a foggy daze. Going through the motions and doing things by rote."

"Because of your parents?"

She nods. "After they died, I was a complete wreck. The memories still haunt me and only get more vivid as time passes. You would think I would forget, but I don't. Instead, I forget things like the fact that my mom used to hum or that Charlie always had a toothpick in his mouth. There are days where I'm terrified I'll forget their faces or the way they smelled. I constantly remind myself that Renee smelled like lavender and sunshine and Charlie like spearmint and gun oil. So after they died, I was on a lot of medication. I refused to talk to anyone. I was so scared all the time and the only one I would even look in the eye was Alice. I guess that pattern just stuck. They wanted to send me away, but the Brandon's wouldn't let them."

"It's not like that now. You talk to me and Jasper, Emmett, and your friend Angela that I met. You even give me shit from time to time. And you're always busting Emmett's chops about something."

"Yeah, but look what had to happen for me to get to that point." She looks at me and the pain in her eyes is like the fire of a hot incinerator burning everything in its path.

"Don't! That fucking asshole does not get any credit for you being who you are." I can feel myself getting angry. It's not that I forgot about Mike, because trust me, I haven't! It's just that I don't want to think about him now and in this moment. I wish I didn't have to be reminded of that fucking douche at all.

"Come. Let's finish this shit so we can eat. I bet the food is almost done. I would know if mom hadn't kicked me out of the fucking kitchen."

"Why did she do that?"

"She said I was on edge and driving her crazy."

Bella laughs a real fucking laugh. "You're always on edge, E. It's sweet that you're mad about being kicked out of the kitchen though."

I'd be a motherfucking liar if I denied the fact that her laugh made my dick twitch and hearing her call me "E" so playfully didn't make me smile fucking huge.

We get downstairs just as Emmett enters the hallway and sees us descending.

"I was just about to come and look for you two. Your mom says dinner is ready and to come to the table. Where the fuck have you been?" he asks with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. _Ass._

"I was giving her the goddamn tour, asshole."

"Suuuure. Did he give you the lowdown on the 'Eddie suite'?" he asks Bella.

"Uhm…his room? Yeah. I saw it." She looks between us confused. I am seriously not about to fucking tell her that the nickname 'Eddie Suite' came from girls I fucked and who wanted me to fuck them in high school and earlier in my twenties when I still technically lived at home.

"Shut the fuck up, Em. Don't you have a super model to grope or some shit?"

"Yeah, yeah. Hurry the fuck up. I'm starved."

"When isn't he starved?" Bella whispers when his back is turned.

"I heard that, Bella Bear!" he calls over his shoulder and we both laugh.

"So what was that about?"

"What?"

"'Eddie Suite'? I thought you hated to be called 'Eddie'?"

"I do. It's just a dumb as shit name they use for my room."

"Uh huh." I know she doesn't believe me. She's too fucking smart for that shit. For someone who spends a lot of time in her own fucking mind, she's very perceptive. Luckily, we reach the dining room and I can finish the damn tour.

"That's a unique and beautiful table," Bella says when we enter the room.

"It was a gift from my maternal grandparents for my parents' wedding. The two heads at the table signify them being equals. It's a principle my parents live by."

"It's beautiful."

I see mom has used place cards so I walk around to see where Bella's tag may be because mine is always in the same place and I notice that hers is next to mine. I look up and see she is talking to my mother, who seems to be waving her off. She catches my eye and I motion for her to come over.

"What was that about?"

"I was offering to help bring stuff in and she insisted I sit down."

"Why are you all flushed?"

"Because, uhm."

I just wait for her to finish whatever the fuck she seems unable to say.

"Because she told me to stop worrying my pretty little head about what she was doing and to focus my attention on more important pursuits. Then she told me my seat was next to yours."

"So…you're blushing because she called you pretty?"

"Yes, Edward. That's the only reason," she says with an eye roll as she sits down. I push her chair in and then sit in mine next to her.

Going around the table, Alice is to Bella's left, followed by Jasper. Then Alistair and Kate. Next to Kate is their son Garrett and his wife Mekenna and then Emmett and Rose. Finally, Esme and Carlisle sit at the double head of the table.

I notice that Rose gives Bella a steely look as she sits down. She kind of looks at everyone that way, so I don't say anything. Once everyone is seated, Alistair says a blessing over the meal and Carlisle cuts the turkey and Thanksgiving dinner is underway.

There's light talk going on; everyone talking amongst themselves and shit. I notice that Bella is mostly quiet, but tries to interject here and there. She's mostly talking to me or Alice.

At one point, she did get into a lengthy conversation with my mom about Alfredo sauce. It has never occurred to me before that Alfredo sauce could be that fucking interesting, but I can tell they both enjoyed it. It is kind of like a mother-daughter thing, which is fucking weird and then also made sense. Bella doesn't have a mom around for these kinds of things. I know Mrs. Brandon doesn't cook. And Rosalie has never been domestic at fucking all. So they are both sharing in something they lack I guess. I know mom likes to cook with me, but I'm sure my face doesn't light up like Bella's when she mentions she prefers unsalted butter over salted.

I'm talking to Carlisle about the shitty, fucking football game that was on earlier when I hear Emmett telling Rosalie to "just drop it."

"No. It's fucking pathetic. Look at her." I hear her say and I turn my head to see her glaring at Bella. I look at Bella and she's just dragging her fork through her plate and refusing to look up.

"Perche' devi essere cosi' stronza?" I ask loud enough for everyone to hear me. The entire dining room falls silent.

"Excuse me?" Rosalie asks.

"You fucking heard me. Why do you have to be such a bitch?"

"I'm not gonna watch you run around with some plain, boring, girl and get hurt or hurt her in the process."

"Rosalie, that's enough," Esme calls from her seat.

"'Some girl?'" Rosalie's generic terminology is pissing me the fuck off.

"Son, please, just stay calm," Carlisle speaks softly next to me. I just glare at him. I need to fucking stay calm? His fucking princess is the one making all the damn waves. Next thing I know, Bella is bolting out the door and Alice is right behind her.

"Do you see what you're needless bitching has done? Are you fucking happy now? She's probably a fucking mess now."

"Se si offende cosi' facilmente non dovrebbe essere qui!" she shouts, jumping from her seat.

I stand abruptly, knocking my chair over behind me and lean over the table. "Non capisci un cazzo. No hai la piu pallida idea di che ha sofferto. Non la conosci! Just because she doesn't meet some pretentious, stick up your ass, pampered bitch-model standards, you think you can judge her?" I pause trying to get a grip. I can hear Mom and Dad asking us to sit down and stop yelling, but I couldn't fucking care less. "I invited her here. You have no fucking right, Rose. Fucking none."

Emmett pulls Rosalie back into her chair while she glares at me. I leave the room to find Bella. I think I heard the door to the porch close while I was arguing with my bitch of a sister so I head in that direction. As I'm leaving, I hear Carlisle and Esme talking to her about her fucking manners. I know I'll probably get the same bullshit later about brotherly behavior and my choice of language at the table. Whatthefuckever. Rosalie is a raving bitch and she fucking crossed a line this time.

I'm halfway down the hallway when Jasper calls my name. I spin around to look at him and he jogs over. "You have to calm down before you go out there or you're gonna scare the shit out of Bella." Thinking about what he says, I grab our coats from the coat closet and head outside while taking deep breaths, trying to calm the fuck down.

I open the door at the same time Alice is about to come in. She gives me a weak smile and moves past me down the hall towards the dining room. I watch her walk up to Jasper and he pulls her in for a hug. I watch him comfort her for a minute and it feels like I'm intruding. He makes eye contact with me and gives a slight nod, telling me to continue on.

Walking onto the porch, I see Bella sitting on the rail. Her head is hanging down and her shoulders are hunched forward. I stare for a moment, watching her. She looks so fragile. A shudder runs through her and she removes her arms from the rail and wraps them around herself. She's cold.

"Here," I say as I walk towards her with her coat. She snaps up like she didn't expect to see me. I move closer to her and she turns her head, avoiding my gaze. I wrap the coat around her shoulders and she slips her arms through the holes, but she still won't fucking look at me.

"Bella?" She shakes her head softly.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"Please ignore the shit Rose says. Everyone else does. You have nothing to be sorry for. And you're none of those things she said. You're intelligent, fun, witty and fucking beautiful."

She looks at me then, tears on the brim of her eyes and wetness glistening on her cheeks from those that have already fallen. I don't hit girls, but I want to smack my sister. I rest my hands on her cheeks and wipe the moisture away, searching her eyes for a sign that she's okay.

"Do you mean it? What you said?"

"Yes. Every fucking word." She closes her eyes and leans her face into one of my hands cradling her cheek. She takes a deep breath before she opens her eyes to look at me again.

My eyes dart down to her lips and it's like they're calling me. All of the soft, pink, plumpness is waiting. I lean in closer and Bella intakes a sharp breath, but I can't stop myself. I don't want to stop myself. There's no disgusting fuckers with grimy hands, no roaring winds, no loud music. Just me and Bella. I look her in the eyes one more time for any sign that this is not okay, but I can't find one. Instead, I see anxious anticipation and I say fuck it and just go for it.

My lips meet hers in a soft and gentle caress, the vibrating tingles that comes every time our skin touches assail me as they feel stronger than ever before. Gently, I move my lips against hers and she reciprocates. The soft pillows of her lips part slightly and I take her bottom lip in between my teeth for a light bite and she moans slightly, sending a message to my already hard dick. Her legs go slack against mine and open a little, allowing me to move closer to her.

I run my hands from her cheeks back towards her hair as I turn my head to deepen the kiss and Bella follows. Our tongues venture out almost at the same time to meet one another tentatively. Shockwaves of electricity shoot down my spine. Bella runs her hands up the planes of my chest and grabs hold of my shirt in her small fists, anchoring us together.

Kissing her. Like this. In this way. On our time just suddenly makes so much fucking sense and I finally get what the hell Jasper and Emmett have been hinting at.

I break the kiss because I need to fucking breathe. I look at Bella and she's almost panting, her cheeks are a nice shade of strawberry. Mmmm...strawberries, I think as I lick my lips and I can still taste her there.

"I've been waiting for you to do that for weeks," she says as I move in closer again, twirling a piece of her hair around my finger.

"Sorry I'm late."

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**A/N**

**jael728 has created a thread for F&FS on Twilighted:** _http:/www{dot}twilighted{dot}net/forum/viewtopic{dot}php?f=44&t=8298_ - **come and play.**

**Translations**

_amore - _love

_caro_ - dear

_ciao_ - hello/goodbye

_principessa_ - princess

_Perche' devi essere cosi' stronza_ - why do you have to be a bitch?

_Se si offende cosi' facilmente non dovrebbe essere qui_ - if she can't handle it, she shouldn't be here.

_Non capisci un cazzo. No hai la piu pallida idea di che ha sofferto. Non la conosci_ - You do not understand a shit. You have no what she's suffered/been through. You don't know her.

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**


	28. Ch 27: Move Forward, Step Back

**A/N:**

F&FS has been nominated for a TwiFic Indies Award. A special thanks to all of you who nominated my slow burn madness! **Voting starts on 2/20.** There are great stories and writers out in the fandom that deserve to be heard. Help us out. (_http:/www{dot}theindietwificawards{dot}com_)

My betas are like soft hair tugs from Edward. Kisses for cclore and PhoenixMP3.

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 27: Move Forward, Step Back**

**Bella Swan POV**

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_"I've been waiting for you to do that for weeks," she says as I move in closer again, twirling a piece of her hair around my finger._

_"Sorry I'm late."_

**~F&FS~  
**

And he kisses me. Again. A gentle, tender, nibbling kiss. Our tongues meet at the entrance of my mouth and I lean into him with a whimper. These kisses, so different and I just know. I know because I see it in his eyes when he looks at me. I feel it in his muscles as I press myself to him. _All_ of his muscles. Everything he is willing to give me is in these kisses. It's not out of honor or duty. Nor out of pressure from a day of flirting. It's just him kissing me because he wants to and because he knows I want it. It's utter perfection. The most perfect kissing in the history of all kisses. Take that Romeo and Juliet!

"Woo hoo! It's about fucking time," Emmett calls out as he walks onto the porch and pops the cork from a bottle of champagne. It breaks me out of my reverie of the most fantastic kissing ever. I kind of want to smack Emmett in the back of the head for that stunt, but instead I hide my head in Edward's coat.

Alice squeals and pushes past Emmett then pushes Edward to the side, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I told you," she whispers in my ear so only I can hear her. She pulls away and smiles at me before returning to Jasper's side.

Jasper walks over and claps Edward on his back and they exchange a guy look. It's weird, but whatever.

I just stare down at the porch and run my eyes over the grain patterns in the wood. This is all so..._embarrassing_. Champagne? Really? Do these people ever do anything normal?

"Where's Rosalie?" Edward asks harshly. My head jerks up for a moment; just long enough to notice she isn't outside with everyone else and then I go back to tracing grain patterns.

"She called it a night," Emmett speaks up with a huff. "She'll come around."

"What-the-fuck-ever," Edward replies with a shrug. Then he lifts me by my waist and pulls me down from the banister, setting my feet on the ground and we go back inside.

"Don't worry about Rosie," Emmett says as he throws his massive arm around my neck and shoulders. "She means well. She'll come around." I just smile at him and Edward pulls me out of his grasp.

"Hungry?" Edward's bright green eyes are staring at me. "You barely ate shit."

It's true, I hadn't eaten much at dinner. I was nervous. Edward doesn't make me nervous. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I feel very relaxed and normal around him. Well, as normal as I can feel when, up until about ten minutes ago, I've been harboring a very deep and unrequited crush for a friend. The situation was making me nervous, sitting next to Edward with his family as if we were a couple or something. Adding to that was the fact that I could feel Rosalie's death darts from across the table. Instead of eating, I tried to make myself as invisible as possible. That _obviously_ went very well. Nope, I didn't want to eat, but I would settle for kissing Edward some more. Then again, that's not really settling.

I just shake my head and barely have a chance to do anything else, like jump on him the way I want to, before Alice grabs my hand and runs with me down the hall. "Come on. Let's go see if Esme needs help."

In the background, I hear the guys agree to head downstairs for some pool. Alice takes my coat and shoves it into the closet on the way to the kitchen. As we walk in, Esme promptly swats us out with her towel, giving me a warm smile as she pushes us out the door and tells us to go enjoy the night with our men because she fully intends to shortly. I blush at her statement, though I'm not sure if it's because of the mention of Edward and me, Alice and Jasper or because of her and Dr. Cullen.

I follow Alice downstairs and she's talking a mile a minute that it's about time Edward got his head out of his ass and how cute we looked when they all walked out onto the porch. I'm listening, I promise, but in the forefront of my mind is the feeling of Edward's lips on mine. The hardness of his chest through his shirt. The way it felt to be pressed against him.

"You're blushing. What are you thinking about?" Alice interrupts my thoughts.

"Huh? Nothing," I say as we walk through the door to the rec room.

"Well, here comes lover boy."

"What?" I look up to see Edward striding in my direction. "Oh," I say and stare like a deer caught in headlights.

Alice walks over to the bar and disappears for two blinks. Then she pops up with two beers in hand and walks over to Dr. Cullen and then Jasper and hands one to each of them.

"Hey! Where's mine, Tink?" Emmett whines. Alice just shrugs.

"Maybe you should go wake up your girlfriend and ask her to get it for you; a_fter _she apologizes to Bella."

Everyone in the room cringes visibly at the coldness in Alice's tone. Edward turns to me and I avoid his gaze. I've managed to wrap one arm around my waist and the other is planted on my chest. Edward takes the hand that is resting on my chest and places a soft kiss on my open palm.

"Do you want to play?" he asks, his eyes dancing with amusement. I'm stunned for a moment as I process his question when I realize he's asking me if I want to play pool. _Duh, Bella!_

"Uh, no. I really suck at it. I'll just watch."

Edward smiles at me, that sly, crooked smile and saunters off towards everyone else.

"Alright, dad, me and you against these two assholes. Let's show them how it's done." Dr. Cullen breaks into the same crooked smile as Edward and joins him on the other side of the table. It's just too much gorgeousness for one room I tell you.

Alice joins me now and hands me a glass of wine. "They could be at this for hours," she warns with a mock eye roll, "better get comfy."

We both sit down on the oversized arm chair closest to the pool table and watch them play. Occasionally, we break into their ridiculous guy banter, but mostly we just watch and talk amongst ourselves.

I ask Alice not to be too hard on Emmett because of Rose. She promises that she won't, but she had to make her point known. She tells me that Rose has been and will always be a raving bitch, but that tonight her behavior was uncalled for. Like everyone else, she promises Rose will come around. I have to admit that I hope so; if only because of Edward. Watching him, you can tell he is very close to his family. And if I have any chance of being with him, then I know that I can't be at odds with any of them; even if I didn't cause it. I've already forgiven Rose.

"So what is this? Game six?" Alice asks, almost whining and looks at me. "See, I told you. All night."

"Seven actually," Jasper answers. Alice and I both laugh softly.

"Watch this, Bella. Your boy is about to sink the cue with this masse shot," Emmett shouts.

I have no idea what any of that even means, but I catch the "your boy" part and I know for a fact I am definitely blushing. I look at Edward and he's watching me, amused expression and all. And then he winks before he leans over to line up the shot and my entire being wants to combust at the sight.

"Hot, Bella?" Alice asks with a giggle.

"Shut up!" I quietly shout at her and turn back to watch Edward do that thing that Emmett said he was going to do. He makes the shot and everyone claps and shouts in excitement; even Emmett and Jasper, who are on the opposing team. A huge smile spreads on my face and before I know it, I've detangled myself from Alice and I'm standing over by Edward, wrapping my arms around his neck and congratulating him. It's only a friendly game of pool, but I am still swimming in pride.

He leans down and kisses me, catching every ounce of breath that I have. I feel lightheaded, but I don't mind. I think I can learn to deal with that if it's Edward that causes it. It's not as soft as before; it's kind of hard and sexy. Instinctively, I press myself against him, wanting to be as close as possible.

I can hear voices behind me.

"_She is so gone."_

"_So is he."_

I think Dr. Cullen excuses himself from the room. I'm not sure.

There are other nonsense ramblings that fail to register because I am starting to realize I can't live without oxygen. Regretfully, I break the kiss and I can't bring myself to look at Edward or anyone else in the room. The increase in oxygen to my brain also brings back rational thought, causing me to realize what just happened and I'm a little too embarrassed to face anyone.

"Uhm. Can we go, Ali?" I ask softly, just barely fighting the butterflies in my stomach. It's similar to the time that my skirt got caught in the car door when I was in tenth grade. It was picture day and Alice insisted that I wear it. As Mr. Brandon drove off, my skirt went with him. I was so embarrassed; I averted the eyes of everyone around me. This is similar, except not, because I'd do it again in a heartbeat; whereas, I would not be interested in flashing my panties for the entire school again.

"I can take her," Edward speaks up.

"No dessert?" Emmett and food; I just shake my head.

"I think she's had her fill of sweets for the night," Jasper says laughing, followed almost immediately by an, "Ouch! What the hell?" I just know that Alice must have smacked him for that comment.

Edward chuckles and tosses his stick on the table, and then he grabs my hand and pulls me out of the room. I guess he's taking me home. I know I'm not complaining.

Upstairs, I say my goodbye to Esme, who tells me she will be sending a basket back with Alice because she hasn't finished packing it yet. Edward warns her, in a playful tone, to not let Emmett near _his _Napoleons.

"Come back soon, stellina," she says and I smile as she places a kiss on each cheek, similar to what Edward has done and then pulls me into a hug.

"What does stellina mean?" I ask Edward as we take our coats from the closet.

"It means little star roughly. It's one of those terms of endearment parents use." I nod.

"I never actually knew you spoke Italian until tonight."

"Huh. Well, it tends to come out more times than others."

"Oh? Like when?"

"Like when I'm fucking pissed. Or really shit-faced. Or..." Edward stops talking and just looks at me.

"Or?"

"Nothing. Maybe I'll show you one day," he says with a smirk and my stomach does several somersaults over itself.

Edward helps me into my coat and I smile up at him. He leans down and kisses me softly on the lips. It's almost like now he can't stop kissing me. Not that I'd want him to. It's just an observation. If I had it my way, his lips would never leave mine. I really, really like kissing.

The drive back to my place is fast and quiet. Fast because Edward drives like he should race in Nascar and quiet because I, for one, am lost in thought. My entire body is zinging with his proximity. I look over at him and he's looking down towards my hand. I didn't even realize I was tracing light circles over his exposed hand that is responsible for shifting the gears. I smile sheepishly and remove my hand.

"Don't," is all he says and I resume my asinine circle drawing.

We pull up to my house and he's at my car door before I have it fully open. We walk to the front door, something we've done so many times together, and it feels normal as his hand rests against the small of my back.

I start to ramble. _Word vomit_.

"I had a really great time. Your mom is an awesome cook and she's so sweet. Did you know your dad smells like leather? And Kate has the most kind eyes. Alistair doesn't talk very much does he? Emmett really is a perv. Everything is sex, sex, sex with him. Did I tell you that Alice has an entire logistic blue print of her plans for shopping tomorrow? I don't think I'm ever going to see my house again. Your parents table is really nice. I'm sorry your sister doesn't like me."

"Shh, Bella," Edward soothes as his thumb rubs over my lip. I'm standing in front of him now with my back to the open door and he has my face in his hands.

_Please kiss me, please kiss me._ I chant in my head.

_Alice is going to run me to the ground tomorrow. Please kiss me so I can relish these memories and delicious tingly feelings all day as she drags me from store to store. _

_Please kiss me_.

He does and my heart quite possibly skips a beat the second his lips make contact with mine.

It starts off slow and sensing, once again, as we get used to the feel of one another. Truthfully, I don't think I can ever get used to this. It's too damn amazing. Soft is nice, but I want more.

In a moment of boldness, I tilt my head to deepen the kiss and simultaneously dart my tongue out to graze his bottom lip. Edward pauses for a moment. I think I catch him off guard, but if I did, he doesn't show it as he barely misses a beat when he jumps back in. He catches my tongue in his mouth and nibbles lightly, causing me to smile. I stand on my toes in an attempt to get closer and he pulls me to him, flush with his perfect body as his left arm snakes around my waist.

I can feel a ridge in his slacks, hard against my stomach, and I moan slightly at the sensation. Edward breaks the kiss this time and I have to stop myself from pouting.

"I should go," he says, placing a kiss on my nose.

"Really?" I ask.

"Mmhm," he nods as he kisses me softly one more time. "Alice is going to have you up soon."

I roll my eyes and he laughs.

"How bad can it be? It's fucking shopping."

"Have you ever been shopping with her?"

"No, come to think of it."

"Okay, then. How about you take my place?"

"You're a funny girl, Bella Swan," he says with a chuckle. He kisses me for the last time. "I'll call you tomorrow. And please lock the fucking door."

I touch my hand to my lips and smile at the thought that his were just there. I glide up to my room. Yes, I, Isabella Marie Swan, Clumsy Extraordinaire, glide. Glide on the smooth air that is Edward Cullen. My entire body is tingling from our contact tonight and I reluctantly had to let him go. He had a point; Alice is going to have me up in a few short hours to go shopping and I will need some form of rest. So far from what I want right now.

I can safely say that I'm drunk, but not from the minimal amount of wine I had tonight. No, drunk from Edward. He is utterly intoxicating.

Walking into my room, I look at my bed and frown for really no reason at all and sit down, flopping back on the mattress. The movement shakes all my muscles and I audibly grunt at the soreness. My body is trying to tell me that it's been a long twenty-four hours. The excitement of the day totally causing me to forget that I was up a good deal of the night baking and listening to Alice drone on about her shopping logistics for Black Friday. Only to wake up early Thursday to repeat the cycle.

Slowly, I sit up and walk into the bathroom after having decided to draw myself a bath. A nice, warm bath will help my shoulders to relax and the tightness in my lower back to lessen. I uncap the lavender bath soap and inhale a deep breath at the soothing scent. I layer some into the bowl of the tub and then run a cap full under the running faucet. From the sink counter, I grab the lavender oil and let a few drops fall into the foaming water before I leave to let the basin fill.

I walk back into my room, slip off my shoes, grab a hair tie from my dresser and throw my hair up into a pony tail on top of my head. I take out a pair of boy shorts and a tank and rest them on the foot of my bed. I grab my iPod from my bag and I walk into the bathroom and take off the rest of my clothes, tossing them in the hamper by the door while inhaling the scent of lavender deep into my lungs. _Very relaxing._ I plug my iPod into the iHome and press play. Soothing water sounds fill the room.

I test the water and yelp because it's hot against my toes, but I like it so I get in anyway. I sigh out loud as the warmth envelopes me and the bubbles crackle in the water. I lay my head against the bath pillow I have rested against the back wall and reach up with my foot to turn off the faucet with my toe. With a deep sigh, I close my eyes and relish in the simple things that make life enjoyable. Soothing water sounds, warm and bubbly baths. Piercing green eyes and plump red lips. Gentle, but nibbling kisses. Mmmhmm...kisses.

My hands have a mind of their own and I shiver as the tips of my fingers run over my now hardened nipples just below the surface of the water. I open my eyes for a brief moment. Alice will be home soon, but I'm all worked up from being kissed and pressed against. I'll never make it through shopping tomorrow and not kill Alice if I'm horny too.

Resigned, I let my fingers graze my nipples again with a little more pressure. With soapy digits, I pinch them and my back arches against the pull. I rub my hands against them to try and get them soft again only to just pluck them again; the sensation is always the best as they go from soft to hard. One hand travels down my chest to my stomach and circles my navel before playing with the skin just above the final destination.

I pull a knee back so it's up and bent and now sticking out of the water and my hand passes between my legs, touching gently against my lips. I can feel how slick it is and it's not the bath water. With a timid finger, I part my lips and lightly tap my clit, letting out a soft moan at the contact. The sensitivity lets me know that my turned on feeling is not all in my head. I snake another finger in between my lips and pinch my clit on my way to my wet entrance, eliciting a tummy jerk and a squeal as a jolt of pleasure passes through me.

"Oh, god," I say softly as I probe my slit and push both fingers deeper. Images flash of Edward pressing his rock hard body into me, kissing me so passionately that my lips bruise. I imagine his elegant fingers playing with my kitty instead of mine. I moan out loud as my fingers begin to move faster and deeper in my pussy and my palm rubs against my clit. I graze my free hand across my chest and play with my nipples some more as I continue to pump my pussy in a steadily increasing rhythm.

Mmmhm. I wonder if he's a biter. I've been bitten once and I liked it. Nothing hard, just a light, teasing, teeth graze. I pinch my nipple between my fingers as my building orgasm starts to swirl in my belly. I grasp my nipple and pull as my fingers plunge deeper into my pussy and my palm hits harder against my clit. I cry out as my climax hits full force and my entire body shakes, causing the water to slosh as my orgasm runs it's course. My finger thrusting slows and then stills as my legs turn to goo and Edward's name passes over my lips. I lie here for a second and let the effects of my orgasm come to an end.

I open my eyes and laugh at the rapid rise and fall of my chest and the twitch resonating between my legs. I plunge my head below the water somewhat embarrassed, but definitely giddy and relaxed from what I just did. It's not like I haven't masturbated before. I'm actually quite used to it. I've just never come so quickly from imagination alone and with just my fingers. Like I said, Edward is intoxicating.

**~F&FS~  
**

With a heavy sigh I toss the stupid hair tie across the room. I'm excited and mildly frustrated tonight. I'm going out with Edward and this will make date five since he kissed me on his parents' porch. I'm excited because I'm always excited when it comes to Edward. How can I not be? He's gorgeous, fun, intelligent, honest, creative, passionate and just a tad aggressive, but in a good way. Unlike Mike, it's not something he hides. It's very out in the open with Edward, but I have never feared for my safety around him or worried he would hurt me. He's just intense about everything.

I'm mildly frustrated because...well...I can't help but wonder when he's going to take the next step. When kissing and grinding and rubbing and clothes pulling will turn into something more, with less clothes. My skin practically itches for more touches from him. I can't get enough of the small ones when his hand snakes up the base of my shirt or skims the tops of my jeans and grazes my ass.

And he does bite. I practically came on the spot the night we went for ice cream and saw _Up In The Air_ in the limited engagement theater in Seattle and he bit me lightly on the neck as we made out like horny teenagers in the back row. Alice and I saw it again the next night because I honestly had no idea what happened in the movie the first time I saw it.

Right after Thanksgiving, he called that Friday like he said he would. I have limited guy experience, but I hear that they never call when they say they will. Something silly like a rule of three days - if they say they'll call tomorrow, add three days to that. Who knows? It's stupid. Anyway, he did call and then he came over. And I was so, so tired because Alice is a tornadic-hurricane on Black Friday. It is, without a doubt, the worst day of the year. We literally shopped for 13 hours. So when Edward showed up at my door, it was all I could do to stay awake for twenty minutes. We settled down on the couch and watched a movie. I wanted to crawl onto his lap, but I wasn't sure if I should. So I opted to just lean into his side and he wrapped an arm around me. Next thing I knew, I woke up in my bed on Saturday morning and no Edward. I pouted.

At the beginning of last week, we went to a tree-lighting with pretty much everyone we know, including his parents, Angela and Ben, Seth and his new girlfriend Sasha, and Leah and her partner Senna. I was nervous, but he told me Rosalie wasn't in town. This only served to alleviate my nerves slightly. Alice kept telling me to calm down and Jasper kept saying that it wasn't like I didn't know everyone already. But it was still weird at first. Me and Edward in the middle of Forks for the entire town to see and his parents as well. Daunting. However, I should have known it would go well. Edward pretty much focused on me the whole night. He held me while we sang carols and the town center lit up. He barked at the vendor who didn't want to give me any more chestnuts because I already had two and the vendor backed off, giving me what I wanted. Edward made sure I had cider and laughed when I got cinnamon sugar all over my mouth from my donut before he promptly kissed it off and caused me to drop my hot cider on the ground, which made Emmett burst into a fit of laughter. Then he went to get me more cider and promised not to kiss me until it was gone. I drank that cider fairly quickly without burning my mouth.

We went to another cooking class that was about meatballs and Edward got into a roaring argument with the instructor about the proper way to make meatballs. The argument was mainly centered around the fact that the instruction required breadcrumbs and Edward insisted if you made them right, you didn't need breadcrumbs to hold them together and that breadcrumbs ruined the meatball consistency. A lot of swearing, several strong Italian words and phrases, and perfect Edward-style meatballs later, we left. Needless to say, it was hot and I don't think we'll be going back to Blue Ribbon any time soon. At least not for anymore meatballs related instruction. There was lots and lots of kissing that night. Kissing and delicious grinding friction. But he always stops!

I've talked to Ali about it and she insists he is just being careful. I'm not a porcelain doll; I can stand for him to not be so careful _all_ the time. He's already stolen my heart. With every intensely uttered curse word, every crooked grin, every gentle caress. Every time he brings me coffee or wraps his arms around me. When he tugs on my ponytail as I sit next to him on the couch or when he nibbles on my earlobe after he whispers something like, "_you make that color look so fucking pretty_," when he compliments something I'm wearing. I want him to steal every part of me.

So for tonight, Edward told me to dress warm because "spending Christmas with fucking pneumonia is fucking miserable," but he didn't tell me why. And I kind of hate surprises, but I'm excited to see what this is. I almost considered not dressing warm, which would force his overprotective side to kick in high gear and then keep me warm. But Christmas is going to be hard enough, I don't need to throw liquid lungs on top of that.

I grab my iPhone and go to leave my room at the same time that Alice lets Edward in the door. I smile to myself as I hear his lyrical voice fill the downstairs, talking to Ali about her plans tonight. She has a client dinner and is taking Jasper for moral support. Apparently, it's a rather difficult birthday party she is being contracted to plan for a socialite eighteen year-old. She's hoping that this account will help to solidify her in the personal services industry and she can get Enchanted Midnight out there more.

"Hey," I say as I reach the bottom of the stairs to get their attention.

"Hey, baby. Ready?" Edward asks as he and Alice turn to look at me.

I smile big. I love, love when he calls me baby. And it's a recent thing so I'm still caught off guard every time. I grab my coat from the hall closet under the stairs and head over to the door. Edward pulls me to him and kisses me softly.

"You guys have fun," Alice calls as she walks away. "I'll see you tonight, Bella. Or maybe not," she concludes with a laugh. I know she knows that I'm hoping that Edward is going to relax a little and put the moves on me, so to speak. Preferably tonight. Right now would be fine actually. But I haven't told him that; not that I would. So when he looks at me with that quirked brow of his, I just turn my head and blush the same shade as my coat before we head out the door.

When we get outside, instead of the gorgeous, gleaming Audi, there is a monstrous SUV looking thing in the driveway.

"What's that?" I ask as we approach the thing.

"A Mercedes."

"Where's you car?" The disappointment is evident in my voice.

"This is my car. Better suited for driving in fucking snow or through wooded areas."

"So we're going somewhere with snow or a wooded area? That's kind of funny actually. There's no snow yet and Forks is nothing but woods." Edward laughs at my lame attempt to get out of him where we're going as he shuts my door.

We're not in the car long before Edward turns off the main road and onto a dirt one. We both laugh as I can't hold my hand steady enough to change the track on the iPod. So Edward changes it on the steering wheel. Sometimes, I think he just gets a kick out of my awkwardness. We drive a little bit more, maybe ten to fifteen minutes or so, before Edward pulls the massive Mercedes to a stop.

"Are we here?" I ask as Edward hops out of the car; I look around into a huge expanse of sun has just about set so I can't see more than fifty feet or so in front of me. I shudder at the idea of being in the woods after dark.

"Almost, it's like one-hundred feet that way. Come," he says, holding his hand out for me to take and jump down. We move around to the trunk and he pulls out a backpack and slings it on his back and hands me a flashlight. I turn it on and then he grabs my hand, locks the car and uses a flashlight in his other hand to light the way.

Shortly after the sun is completely gone, I can see a break in the trees with the combined light of our flashlights. We reach the break in the trees and I realize that it's not just our lights illuminating the area. In front of us is a frozen pond, but all around it are trees with lights that make a nice mirrored reflection on the ice. It's beautiful.

"Edward, what is all this?"

"It's a small pond. Jasper and I found it when we were kids playing in the woods one day. My parents' land is about two miles that way," he points across the ice. "I thought we could have some ice skating fun. I remember you said you loved it the first time you went to Rockefeller Center in college."

I smile at him. How does one get used to someone remembering basically everything you say or do? It's like his memory is a steel trap.

"I love ice skating, but I'm not very good at it. Do you also remember how I said I spent most of my time on my butt that night?" He laughs.

"Yeah. That's why it's just me and you out here in the fucking cold and not me, you and a shitton of annoying people."

"So are you going to catch me if I fall?"

"Don't I always? It's kind of our thing." He looks at me with that sexy smirk and sets the butterflies in my stomach free.

He pulls me over to the bench on the side of the pond. Well, it's more like poles for a log cabin set. Four poles, two long, two short set atop one another to look like a bench. Edward tells me that the guys made this makeshift bench one summer a long time ago.

"I don't have skates," I say almost in a panic.

"Do you really think I would have brought my girlfriend out here to fucking ice skate without skates?"

_Girlfriend._

Edward is opening the backpack he brought with him and taking skates out when he looks up at me.

"What?"

"Uhm. It's just...you...girlfriend...me. You called me your girlfriend and you haven't before now. It surprised me."

"Is that okay? I mean, I kinda fucking figured that's the shit we've been doing these past few weeks. Am I wrong?" And he actually looks nervous, like I might tell this beautiful boy, 'No, I don't want to be your girlfriend.' Crazy.

I just nod and land myself on his lap, kissing all over his face.

"Is that a nod to yes, girlfriend is okay? Or a nod to yes, I'm wrong? Because I asked you two questions and I'm kinda fucking confused as to which one you're answering."

"Yes, its okay. More than okay," I say in between kisses. Edward smiles and stills my lips against his for a quick and sensual kiss before he tells me it's time to skate. See, always stopping.

Once we get our skates on and laced, we walk over to the pond and Edward grabs my shoulders as I wobbly take my stance on the ice. We skate around for a while. Of course, Edward is like perfect at it, but I have yet to fall so that's a plus. We skate in silence just enjoying each others company. Occasionally, he'll spin me around or lift me in the air and I scream, but other than that, it's blissful quiet. After a while I decide to talk.

"So tell me, how many girlfriends have you brought out here?"

"Hmmm," Edward says as if he's deep in thought. He pauses for a bit too long and I'm starting to think that he's counting in his head, which is kind of making me nauseated.

"Well?"

"Just one."

"Oh."

"Do you want to hear about her?"

Do I? I guess it would be nice to know what I'm up against. At the same time, it will just drive me crazy. I'll compare myself to her all the time. Then again, knowing she exists and not knowing about her will only make me wonder. Curiosity wins. Curiosity killed the cat, but I hope I have nine lives.

"Okay." Edward starts to glide across the ice with my hand in his.

"Let's see. She's this fucking beautiful girl with the purest, pale skin and the deepest chocolate eyes with golden specks that sparkle in the light. Her hair is the color of the most expensive mahogany wood that shines with a natural gleam. Her lips are like perfectly pink, strawberry pillows of the softest fucking silk. She's tiny, but so strong so you shouldn't mistake her size for a sign of weakness. Her intelligence and wit rival that of the most noted fucking scholars and shit she does will always keep you guessing."

"Oh," I say as I drop my hand from his and slow down to a stop. Edward turns to look at me and rolls his eyes. I drop mine to the ice and start to fidget my gloved hands together.

"You are fucking impossible. Do you know that?" He skates over and stops right in front of me. "I'm talking about you, Bella," he says while taking my chin in his hand and tilting my head up to look at him. "I've never brought another girl here and you are actually the only girlfriend I've had. I typically prefer not to keep a girl's company for too long, but you're special. Haven't I told you that?"

I shake my head.

"You are. Shit. I can't explain it. You just are."

"You are too, Edward. You allow me to feel things I didn't think I would ever be able to again. I just wish it had been us before now, before everything."

"I'm here now. That's all that matters," he says before his lips meet mine for a soft kiss.

"I'm freezing," I say through nearly chattering teeth. I'd much rather make out in the warmth. I can't feel my appendages. Edward laughs before we grab our stuff and make our way back to the car. The moon is in the sky now. It's pretty and helps to light the path back to the monstrous Mercedes.

The drive back to my house is quicker or it just feels that way because I know where I'm headed. Edward pulls the car into the driveway and notes that Alice isn't home so he asks me if I want him to come in. Of course I do. Even if Alice was home. What a silly question. I wait for him to open the door this time and he comes around to my side of the car and flings it open, leaning in to give me a kiss.

"So what do you wanna do?" he asks, licking his lips.

I shrug. "Are you hungry?" He nods. _Mmmhm. Me too._

Standing in the hallway, coats hung, we both kind of look at each other and wait for the other one to speak. Edward manages to find his voice first.

"Movie?"

I nod. "You go pick and I'll get some popcorn." Edward pops _Almost Famous_ into the DVD player as I make my way back with two sodas and popcorn.

Sitting on the couch, Edward twirls some of my hair on his fingers while I lean into him. This seems to be another one of our "things." His hand starts to brush lightly against my neck and collar bone, causing goosebumps to break out over my skin. I look up at him and he's looking down at me with darkened eyes. Eyes I've seen before. Edward's feeling frisky. Yay for me! Though, admittedly, I am a little nervous.

He leans down to kiss me and I crane my neck to meet him. He wastes no time as his tongue darts out to taste my mouth and we both moan softly as I open my mouth to receive him. Instinctively, I lean backwards as Edward's hands move to unbutton my sweater. I shrug it off and he makes a quick move to my neck above my tank, planting kisses there followed by light tongue grazes. I move my hands to the base of his fleece and he sits up long enough to remove it while I take my tank off before his mouth finds mine again, kissing me feverishly. I can feel the hard planes of his chest through his t-shirt as he trails elegant fingers across my bare skin and rests the bulk of his weight on the other.

I wrap my legs around his waist and he presses into me. Oh, delicious friction, I think as I whimper into his mouth. He finds my nipple through the thin fabric of my bra and pinches lightly, making me gasp. I'm practically delirious with the sensations of it all, but I really hope he's not going to pull away this time. He removes his hand from my breast and it travels down my stomach. My body flexes and jerks instinctively at his touch. It tickles, but I try not to laugh. His fingers tap against the button of my jeans, pulling the fixture open. The roar of the zipper seems so loud, but I'm sure it's just my heightened senses. His hand skims the top of my panties and he stops kissing me for a moment. I open my eyes and he's looking down at me.

"Do you want this, Bella? Tell me you want me." he says softly.

My breath catches in my throat and I freeze. For a brief moment I see blue instead of green, shaggy blond instead of sexy bronze and I freeze.

"Bella?"

I can't move. My brain is telling me to say something, do something, but I can't.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

And a horrible sound escapes my throat, somewhere between a sob and a scream and suddenly it's Edward in front of me and not Mike.

"Oh fuck, Bella. Shit," Edward calls as he pulls me to him and I fall into his arms limply.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought I could, but I can't. And _he_ said that to me. And I'm so sorry. I can't. Please don't hate me. I'm so sorry."

"Bella, baby, I don't fucking understand. Why would you think I hate you? Who said what? Please, just fucking talk to me."

"_Him_. Mike. He...he made me say...tell him...I had to tell him I wanted him. That I...that I wanted it," I manage to squeak out in between erratic breaths. Edward is quiet for a moment, just rubbing circles on my back and kissing my hair.

"Oh, fucking shit." I guess he's connected the pieces. "I would never, ever, ever make you do something you don't want to do. Except maybe eat. But I would never force you into something, Bella. Least of all fucking sex or anything related. I was just...it was just a question to make sure the shit was okay. Jesus. I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't realize. Fucking shit."

I can feel the tension radiating from his body. I'm so freaked out. I start crying. Edward is doing his best to soothe me, but it's only working a little.

_"You got a gift at your parents' house? Who from?"_ Alice's voice rings through the house; she must be on the phone. "Bella? Edward?" she calls out into the house. "_Huh? Oh yeah, they're here. I saw Edward's car." _There's a pause in her speaking. _"Sure, go open your gift. I love you, too."_

"Edward? Bella? Where are you guys? Oh there you are," she says as she enters the room. "You will not believe this, but Jasper got a gift at his parents' house. He's not sure from who. What the hell is wrong?" she asks, barely taking a breath. "Why is she half-dressed? Edward, what the fuck is going on?"

Edward takes a deep breath. "Shit, Alice. If you shut the fuck up, maybe I could speak." His grip gets tighter around me as he tries to soothe my shaking. "She freaked out. We were fooling around and I said some shit that reminded her of...you know and she lost her shit."

"What did you say?"

"It doesn't matter. I didn't fucking know, okay? I didn't get the entire fucking dialogue when I got the story."

"Please. Everyone just shut up!" My voice sounds strangled, even to my ears. "I'm going to bed." I want Edward to follow. I want him to hold me while I sleep, but I don't say anything and just go. I hear Alice tell him it's probably best if he doesn't stay and the next thing I know the front door is slamming.

I bury my face in my pillow and before long, Alice comes by. Just like I knew she would.

"He didn't mean to hurt me."

"I know."

"So why did you send him away?"

"I didn't want you to feel pressured to fix what happened. We're all seeing each other tomorrow."

I just nod. I'm sleepy.

"Do you still want to go shopping tomorrow?"

"Yes, I need to pick up Jasper's Stetson hat for his birthday. The vintage shop said it would be ready tomorrow."

"Do you want me to stay?" I nod and Alice pulls up next to me on the bed. "You know, he won't hold this against you right?" I nod again, but I can't be sure I believe it. I hope not. "So let me tell you how Jasper charmed the pants off of the socialite princess and her too uptight parents tonight."

Alice settles in to tell me about her night. It serves it's purpose; it distracts me. In the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder if Edward will ever be able to touch me.

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**A/N**

**This week I started to read The Gentleman From Washington State: **_http:/www{dot}fanfiction{dot}net/s/5720172/1/The_Gentleman_from_Washington_State_** - I think this fic has a promising future. It's story driven and not smut driven and it has a great plot base. Go check it out. Plus, I can't put it down!**

_Translations_

_stellina - _little star roughly

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**


	29. Ch 28: Guilt Ridden

**A/N:**

My beta's are the stuff a good night's sleep is made of. Snuggles to cclore and PhoenixMP3.

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 28: Guilt Ridden **

**Edward Cullen POV**

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I'm such a fucking idiot. A completely selfish, thoughtless, fucking asshole. How could I make such a dumb shit move? I've been so fucking careful up until now. Even before I knew about what she had been through, I knew she needed to be treated gently. Now that I know for sure, I'm no better than that fucking douche Newton for what I've done.

I made her remember.

I made her cry.

I scared her.

Now who's the fucking monster?

I throw my keys and iPhone down on the counter and run my fingers through my hair, giving it a hard pull at the roots. _Fucking idiot_. I should have tried harder to control my animalistic lust, but I couldn't help myself when she looked up at me with those wide brown eyes and perfect pink lips. So beautiful and trusting. A moment flashed between us and I took advantage of the moment like a fucking predator.

It hasn't been so hard to not pounce on her; if I didn't touch her. The damn problem is that I _like_ touching her. I like caressing her cheek or pulling her pony tail. I like it when she leans into me as we walk down the street or watch a movie. It's so fucking cute when she slips her small hand into mine and admires the contrast in size. And the smile that spreads across her face when she does it makes me want to bend down and kiss her. Every fucking time.

I should have just stuck to kissing. That seems to be safe. She seems to enjoy it. A lot. Who fucking knows now? Shit. If I was Bella, I would never want to even see my ass again. I seriously fucking hope that is not the case. I'd really miss her. But if that's her choice, I'd have to live with it. Would I lose Alice and Jasper too? What about Emmett? I'm sure Rose will be fucking thrilled. And then I'd have to live with her smug ass attitude for fuck knows how long. Maybe I can convince Alice to smack it off her face, but then if Alice stops talking to me because of what I did to Bella...

The last few weeks with Bella have been nothing short of fucking amazing. Even when the ice cream scooper girl flirted shamelessly and put extra whip cream on my sundae, Bella just smiled sweetly and asked for extra whip cream on hers too while leaning into my side. When I accidentally bit her in a moment of weakness during the movie, she didn't shy away. Instead, she pressed my head harder into her neck and moaned. Then she got all embarrassed when she realized we had missed everything but the first five minutes of the damn movie. I ran my finger across her swollen lips, plumped up from my constant attention. She winced and I flinched, but she asked me to kiss them to make them feel better. It seems pretty fucking counterintuitve now, but at the time it wasn't.

When I turned into a complete asshole and screamed at the harmless meatball instructor, she just laughed like it was the most amusing shit she had ever witnessed. Honestly, fucking breadcrumbs in meatballs? Fucking amateur. I really had to control myself that night. More than ever before because I was all kinds of fucking pumped after arguing with that douche of an instructor and the adrenaline was strong. Bella kept laughing and talking about what happened in the class the entire ride back to her house. It was cute when she tried to repeat some of the selective Italian curses I threw at the giant ass, but her laughter was doing me in. Every time she threw her head back and that musical sound came out of her open mouth, my grip got a little tighter on the steering wheel. Even when she fucking snorted. Surrounded by her scent and her laugh, I'm surprised I didn't drive off the road. By the time we got to her house, I was hard as a fucking steal beam. I did and I didn't want to go in with her, but she insisted. Pulling on my arm and my coat to get me in the door as I kissed her goodnight. We made it as far as the bench in the hallway. Somehow I had managed to end up sitting down and Bella ended up straddling my lap. Fucking hell, I hadn't grinded against a girl like that since high school. I seriously don't know why people don't do it more often. It's fucking underrated.

She's a pro with my family. I knew she was nervous about the tree lighting. She kept biting her lip and twisting her hair while staring off into space. I wasn't sure as to what the exact reason for her being nervous was, but I assured her Rose wasn't coming. That helped to lessen her anxiety a little. The tree lighting was something I did at the request of my mother every fucking year because she insists that we've always done it as a family and we should keep the tradition. The last two years have been very emotional for her because Rose hasn't been around. So I try extra fucking hard to be the model son and make sure she can smile at the damn lights. It's always so fucking cold and this year was no exception. It's like someone scheduled with mother nature and told her to make sure it was below fucking freezing because all the crazy residents of Forks were going to stand outside in the tiny ass town square and watch some fucking trees light up. Trees that will be lit for the next thirty-five fucking days. Bella started to relax a little and I made sure she either had a hot cider or my body heat to keep her warm all night. I personally preferred the latter. She was genuinely happy to hang out with our friends and even my parents. On more than one occasion, I saw Bella talking to Esme and Carlisle, both of them looking at her with a lot of fucking adoration. No doubt wondering how the hell she's managed to put up with my ass. Emmett chased her around the gazebo, where the carolers would be singing, a few times, threatening to touch her with his cold hands. At first, I was worried. I thought she might freak out again, but she didn't. It was like watching an older brother torment his younger sister. Esme and Carlisle never waste a second to tell me how fucking perfect she is every time I talk to or see them.

And tonight with the ice skating. She is the most unassuming, beautiful and simple creature I have ever had the fucking pleasure of coming into contact with. It's refreshing to be around and I get a huge fucking kick out of her blushing and hearing her laugh. I had to resist the urge to laugh at her when she seemed upset about the girlfriend topic. How could she not know I was talking about her? I described her to a fucking T. I thought for sure she would figure that shit out. Then again, I love that she didn't assume it was about her. Cocky girls make me sick; so fucking annoying and needy too. She really doesn't understand how beautiful she is from head to toe, inside and out. I meant all that shit I said about her. I really fucking hope she was listening and then maybe she'll realize I would never hurt her on purpose.

There are small moments like after I sank the masse shot, when I dropped her off after Thanksgiving, and the night of the meatball battle where she dropped her shyness for just a moment and initiated a kiss, pouring out all of her passion. Those moments are just fucking awesome. I find myself living for the moments where she leans up on her toes and kisses my jaw or brushes the hair out of my eyes with a soft touch. When she's cold or shy and buries her head in my coat. Shit I would never have if my head was still stuck in my own fucking ass.

Little things like the love of music and food or the caffeine addiction and the same taste in alcohol. The fact that she doesn't have to fill the silence with needless chatter, but everything she says is important. She has an opinion, but doesn't have to argue. Shit like this makes it easy to be with Bella and just...be. No fucking pretense.

"Argh!" I shout into the still quiet of my place out of sheer frustration. I read it wrong. I read _her_ wrong. Deep, passionate kissing does not always lead to sex. _Right?_ Just because she moans when I bite her or just because she seems content to grind all over my dick through my jeans, doesn't mean she is necessarily ready for anything else. _Will she ever be?_ Fucking Mike Newton. Bastard, son of a spitting, cocksucking bitch, douchebag. I slam my fist against the dark granite of the kitchen island just as my phone rings. The ringtone lets me know that it's _Eclipse_ calling, which is usually not a good thing at this time of night.

"What?"

"_Edward?_" I say nothing. What an asinine fucking question. Who the fuck does Vlad think he just called? "_We have a problem at Eclipse_."

"Who set the fucking fire this time?"

"_Oh uhm...well. Not sure..._"

"Wait, you mean to tell me there _is_ a fucking fire? Holy shit. Where is it? When did it start? Have you put it out?" I start to shout into the phone as I grab my coat and keys and head for the door.

"_I'm not sure of all that. It's being put out now though._"

"Fuck it. I'm on my way."

I hang up and hurry downstairs, opting to get my own car and haul ass to _Eclipse_. When I get there, there are firetrucks outside as well as a rather sizable crowd to take in the sights. I'm pleased to see that the building appears to still be in tact. Hopefully, the fire is superficial. I push through the crowd and make it inside to the horrible fucking smell of burnt wood and whatever the fuck else. The fireman near the front door tells me the fire started in the kitchen and that it was contained.

I step into the kitchen and survey the damage. Immediately checking on the new range we recently acquired. It's blackened and all kinds of fucked up and I'm all kinds of pissed about it. We just got that and I know the insurance company will _love_ this shit. I step out of the kitchen and let the firemen finish their jobs. Meanwhile, I'm fuming over the fucking luck of this bullshit.

I call both Emmett and Jasper and they're both unhappy about the news, but not nearly as pissed as me. Jasper tries to assure me it will all work out and Emmett just tells me we now have an excuse to change the flooring. Who the fuck can think about flooring at a time like this? Truthfully, I am thankful for them. I am having a shitty night that just seems to get worse. I'm sure if they were a panicked mess it would only make it worse for me. I tell them both I have it under control and that they don't need to come down. I'll fill them in on the details when I see them tomorrow.

I meet with the Fire Chief briefly and he tells me the Fire Marshall and his crew will be by tomorrow to check on the damage. It's a routine arson survey for fires such as this. I simply nod, knowing that there is no fucking way someone did this shit on purpose. That's just sick.

They get all the people cleared out and I send the remaining employees home and lock up, putting a sign on the door that we're closed until further notice, trying hard not to be really fucking pissed about that shit as well. I head home to steam some more over the bullshit of my Friday night. First Bella, now the fire. What a fucking shit show.

I don't sleep. At all. Big fucking shock. I'm tortured over the shit with Bella and stressed over the fire at _Eclipse_. A sane person couldn't sleep under those bullshit conditions. Instead I spend the night between trying to watch shit on tv, trying to play the piano and organizing the apps on my iPhone. You'd be surprised how long that can take; especially since I've become a little app-happy lately.

I'm driving myself fucking crazy. I should call her, but I can't. I want to apologize, I want her to forgive me for what I did. How did I go from declaring her as my girlfriend out loud to nearly going bald with agony over making her cry? Oh, I know. I listened to my dick. How many hours am I going to spend kicking my own ass over this shit? Knowing me, a fucking eternity isn't long enough.

Sometime mid morning, my phone chirps and it's a text. From Bella.

_**"Hey. I haven't heard from you. Am I still going to see you tonight for J's bday? I'm out getting his gift with Alice."**_

I can't help but smile. She wants to see me tonight.

**"Meet me at Eclipse? I'll be there later."**

_**"I heard about the fire. I'm so sorry. What time?"**_**  
**

I can feel her apology through the text. I want to tell her that it has nothing to do with her or she doesn't need to be sorry, but that's better said than texted.

**"5?"**

_**"Ok. I can't wait. :-)"**_

**"Me neither." **

I can't sit around my place anymore. I'm all kinds of fucking amped about seeing Bella tonight and I want to get this Fire Marshall shit over with. I figure I'm supposed to be meeting the Fire Marshall between 4:30 and 5, so Bella meeting me at five shouldn't be a problem. Then, the girls can come to my place or hang out with Emmett, Jazz, Angela, Ben, Seth, Sasha, Leah, and Senna while I get ready. I decide to take my Mercedes that I used last night over to get cleaned. I probably won't be using it again any time soon and I can't garage it with the fucking mud of the wide world of Forks to eat away at the paint. I have a few hours before I'm supposed to meet the Fire Marshall so this shouldn't be a problem.

Apparently every fucking person in Seattle decided to get their fucking vehicles worked on today because there is a ridiculous wait, which puts me behind schedule. Luckily, I can walk to _Eclipse_ from here if need be. I watch the clock on the wall like a maniac and get more and more anxious as the fucking seconds tick by.

Finally, I can't stay anymore. I tell the inept manager that I will be back for my vehicle later because I've already had to wait too fucking long and I have somewhere to be. He apologizes profusely and says they'll comp my services for today. Well, at least they get that part of customer service right.

On my way to _Eclipse_, I call Emmett and Jasper to see if they can head over and meet the Fire Marshall because I'm running late. Emmett is with his parents in Forks before heading out to meet us tonight and Jasper doesn't answer. I have no choice but to call Denise at this point. Even though I don't fucking want to. She would be next in line after all, being so familiar with the administrative side of _Eclipse_. I still am not fully able to trust Denise even though Jasper and Emmett are fine with her.

Denise tells me she'll be there in five minutes and not to worry because she can handle it. Except, I do worry because I'm a control freak, which I'll never openly admit to anyone, and I don't want her to say any dumb shit that might implicate foul play at _Eclipse_. I really don't want a fucking reputation for arson. Then you start attracting the wrong kind of crowd and _Eclipse_ is just not that kind of place.

Bella and Alice would be on their way to meet me at _Eclipse_ by now and I want to let them know I'm running late. Alice is almost as crazy about punctuality as me, which means she'll be early. I try to call them both, but only get voicemail after a few rings. Alice probably has Bella in the basement of damn some store trying on shit and they don't hear their phones ring. I send Bella a quick text so she will know I'm running late. For some reason, text messages always go through, even when the signal is weak.

It's been a fucking strange day. Very dark, beyond overcast. More like the moon never gave over to the sun this morning. And at this time of day, the darkness just seems thicker.

I'm fucking frustrated because I wanted to stop by this little candy shop before I met Ali, Bella and the goddamn Fire Marshall, but there is no way I can do that shit now. The Confectionery is this tiny as shit candy store off a fucking side street in the city in the oposite direction of where I'm headed. Bella told me about the cherry-vanilla candies that she loves to get from the farmer's market in Forks, but now the market is closed and she can't get anymore. Having frequented that market myself many times, I happen to know that the same vendor sells his candies to The Confectionery here in Seattle.

That's what you do when you've fucked up right? You apologize, buy your girl a gift, but not just any gift, something meaningful, and then kiss her until she's out of breath and shit. I've seen dad do it with mom. Earlier this year, he ended up missing her birthday because he had to fly to L.A. last minute for a medical conference. As Chief, he had no choice but to step in when his top two Attendings came down with swine flu and were unable to attend. Mom got her Cayenne out of that. And she wasn't even fucking mad! In my entire life, I've never seen her begrudge Carlisle his profession. She says she loves him for being so passionate in his job and it makes him a better man. I'm pretty fucking sure Bella would not be happy if I bought her a car. I know she has a lot of fucking pride in the fact that she bought her own car. Besides, I kind of like hers. It's fucking cute and has personality. Like the owner.

I've seen Emmett do it with Rosalie. Over and over. Of course with Rose, what else do you expect? Emmett likes her high maintenance so he doesn't bitch about it. Bella isn't a diamonds and designer bags kind of girl. Though, I've seen some of the fucking labels she carries. I'm sure that shit's all Alice. Yes, I recognize some of them. My mother is the wife of a rich doctor, my sister is an overpaid fashion model, and one of my closest friends is a fashion designer. There is no fucking way labels go by unnoticed. And I realize I notice every thing about Bella.

I don't think Jasper has had the unfortunate pleasure of pissing Alice off. He's still always buying her shit though. Last week he had this mink blanket delivered to _Eclipse_ from somewhere in fucking Asia. Bella scrunched her nose at it when we went to their place and he gave it to Alice. So, she's not a fur girl either. Alice fucking loved the shit and took the blanket and Jasper to her room. So, like I said, it's what you're supposed to do. And I want to do it. I want to give her something sweet, something I know she likes. Something that fucking means something. I figured I could get her a basket or some shit.

I think for a moment if I can go sometime between now and tonight, but then I remember the tiny, little two-rack shop closes early on weekends and will be closed by the time I can get there.

I move as quickly as I can to _Eclipse_, almost running. I reach the block and I'm somewhat relieved that it didn't take me as long as I thought. That relief quickly vanishes when I hear shrill screams from the other side of the door.

_What the hell?_

I go to pull the door open, but it's locked. Another scream comes from the inside followed by muffled yelling. I quickly fish out my key from my pocket and let myself in. I freeze for just a second at the sight before me.

Alice's voice rings louder, "Let her go, don't touch her."

I can't hear Bella and this scares the shit out of me. I'm sure that scream was hers. Alice is hopping on the back of someone who has Bella in their grasp. I can see Bella's arms flailing out to the sides and her hair flying around. I can't see their face at first, but then suddenly they spin around.

_Luther? What the fuck? _

I start to move forward.

"Let me go, Mike," I hear Bella's small voice cry out.

I see red.

* * *

**A/N**

**29 isn't far behind.**

**Don't Forget about the Indies **(http:/theindietwificawards{dot}com/vote{dot}aspx)!

**Thank you for putting up with me! **

**xo**


	30. Ch 29: Fight and Flight

**A/N:**

ATTENTION: There is violence and not nice words ahead.

**Also, I got a shitton of questions about "Luther." Here's my answer: Chapter 22**

I love my betas cclore and PhoenixMP3. That is all.

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

**

* * *

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 29: Fight and Flight **

**Bella Swan POV**

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**

"Come on, Bella," Alice soothed as the smell of fresh coffee wafted under my nose. "Rise and shine, sleepy head."

"No, Ali. Go away. I feel like I just fell asleep," I roll over and try to tuck my head under a pillow, but Alice grabs it from my face.

"That's because you probably did."

"Did you stay all night?" I ask, daring to open one eye against the offending light. Alice nods with a frown.

"I did, sweetie. It wasn't a good night. A lot of thrashing and calling out." I nod in understanding. "On the bright side, you called for Edward a few times," Alice says in a much lighter tone. I open my other eye and she's wearing an almost full smile.

"Calling for him how?"

"You'd whisper his name softly during the quieter moments or you would cry out for him, reaching with your body almost. As if you were trying to get to him or reach him so he could grab you."

I nod again. I'm not fully awake yet and the last dregs of sleep are fighting to keep a hold of me. "I don't remember any of my dreams this time."

Alice smiles and shoves a Starbucks cup in my hand. "Maybe that's for the best. Now come on, Sleeping Beauty, we have things to do today." Alice skips out of the room, leaving me with my coffee in my bed. "Isabella Marie, don't you dare go back to sleep," she calls from downstairs just as I set the coffee on the nightstand and place my head back on the pillow.

_Busted._

With a groan, I get up and get ready for the day.

By mid-morning, we're in Seattle; I haven't heard from Edward and I'm starting to get worried. On the drive to the city, Alice tells me that there was a fire at _Eclipse_ the night before and my heart aches for the guys, but Edward especially. _Eclipse_ means so much to him and I just know this has to be weighing heavily on him. If it happened last night, that means it was after he left me trying to send telepathic waves his way for him to come back.

I'm also pretty sure he is beating himself up over what happened between us last night. I know I am. We're similar in that way. Except, it really is my fault. There is no way he could have known saying those words would cause me to react so badly. I never even told him what words were said that night. I should have told him all the details, but I couldn't bring myself to utter those hurtful words as I clung to his pillow and ached for him to hold me and make the pain stop. Who knew words could hold so much power? I guess even I don't really have a way of knowing what might set me off. And that scares me.

What if he decides he can't be with me because it's obviously a hassle? What if it were some other guy in the future? What if they just keep going? I shudder at the thought and try to push it out of my head. I try to tell myself that it won't come to that, but I'm not really convinced.

When I don't hear from him, I decide to reach out to him and text him. I don't call because I don't think I can personally bear it if he hangs up on me or ignores my call. I'm not sure how I would fair at the sound of his voice if the tone is harsh. Though, I welcome the anesthetic quality of it and long to hear him almost as much as I ache to touch him and be touched by him. Even the softest, most chaste touch. To be held and whispered to. _To be loved._

**"Hey. I haven't heard from you. Am I still going to see you tonight for J's bday? I'm out getting his gift with Alice."**

My hands twitch as I wait for a response. Alice is next to me; she is driving today, and we just ate brunch at Cafe Champagne, one of our favorite places. She's excited about tonight - dinner at Metropolitan Grill and a show at The Triple Door, which will inevitably lead to drunken fun. I love The Triple Door, but right now, all I care about is getting in touch with Edward.

_**"Meet me at Eclipse? I'll be there later."  
**_

He answered! And he still wants to see me. I can breathe easier now.

**"I heard about the fire. I'm so sorry. What time?"**

_**"5?"**_

**"Ok. I can't wait. :-)"**

_**"Me neither."**_

I can't contain the larger than life grin on my face.

The rest of the day flies by as we go to a few shops here and there, before the time I'm supposed to pick up Jasper's gift. When we reach Sugartown Vintage, Alice basically skips into the store. I step up to the counter and Siobhan, the shop owner, passes me the rather large hat box that should contain Jasper's gift. I open the box and inspect the hat just as Alice moves to my side.

"That's a beautiful Stetson hat, Bells. Jazzy is gonna love it!"

"Really? I mean, he has so many. I tried to find one that was unique and somewhat different. I hope he likes it."

"Trust me. He'll love it."

Honestly, the hat is kind of silly. It's like a kelly green with a large white band. The brim of the hat is a tad larger than a regular Stetson hat. And the white band is lined in this dark gold ribbon. Upon closer inspection, you can see that the white band is satiny and has a criss-cross design. This is what made me choose the hat in the end. I don't expect him to wear it out, but he collects them so I figure it works because it's not like any of the others he has.

I pay for the hat and Alice buys a belt buckle, a purse, a pair of boots, a dress and a vase before we leave. Siobhan is so thrilled by Alice's overly exuberant behavior over her vintage items that she welcomes us back any time. She slips a business card with her personal cell phone number on it into Alice's bag, telling us to call her for all of our vintage shopping needs. I know I probably won't, but Alice most likely will.

Alice spends so much time browsing that we lose track of time and realize it's almost time to get to _Eclipse_. Alice is in a tizzy about the time so we grab a quick cup of coffee and a pastry from a coffee bistro between Sugartown and _Eclipse_ and make our way to the other side of Seattle.

About halfway there my phone pings to let me know I have a new text. When I pick it up, I also notice that I have a missed call. _That's odd._ The call is from Edward and the text is also from him letting me know that he's running late and to wait at _Eclipse_ for him if he's not there when we get there. I chuckle and Alice asks me what's up. I tell her I'm laughing because Edward said he was running late, which never happens. So, I can imagine how flustered he must be, running around Seattle, trying to reach his destination. It's probably best that I missed his call because he undoubtedly would have been cursing every other syllable and I would have giggled at his bravado and he would have either laughed with me or gotten really pissed. Given the stress I'm sure he's under, I bet he'd just be pissed.

We arrive at _Eclipse_ and I don't see Edward's car. Alice tells me to hop out and see if the door is unlocked, which I do and it is. She parks in the back where the guys often park and we grab our bags and head inside. Originally, we were going to get ready for tonight at Jasper's. It is his birthday and since I wasn't sure if Edward was even talking to me anymore, we made plans to get dressed at Jasper's. I'm hoping now we, or at least I, can change at Edward's. It is closer after all.

We settle onto a pair of bar stools and wait for Edward to show up.

Alice is in the middle of asking me if I think the guys will mind if she makes herself a drink when the side door opens and a familiar voice rings through the room, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"Hello there, Bella. Miss me?"

I turn quickly on the bar stool to make sure I'm not hearing things, to make sure my overactive imagination isn't playing tricks on me. I pinch myself to make sure I'm not having a nightmare. I'm not. It's _him_. It's Mike.

"Wh-what are you doing here? Edward will be here any minute." I try and shake myself out of the fear rising in my body.

"We've got plenty of time. We'll be gone before he gets here."

"I talked to him. Any minute, he'll be here." Alice and I start to inch towards the stairs.

"I've been watching you all day. I know you haven't spoken to him or anyone other than your _girlfriend_ here," he says, nodding towards Alice and she lets out a low hiss. "I happen to know for a fact that he's nowhere near _Eclipse_ right now. He's..._delayed_."

"She's not going anywhere with you," Alice screams at him, pulling me from the stool. "Come on, Bella. Let's go upstairs and lock ourselves in one of their offices," Alice whispers as she starts to move.

"What are you going to do about it, little lesbian? Still trying to get what isn't yours I see." Alice charges at him and when he side steps her, she flies hard into a wall and hits the floor. She's not knocked out, but she's writhing and clutching her head.

Mike advances toward me and I try to run for the stairs, but he grabs me by the waist before I can reach them.

"It's just you and me now. I told you, Bella, I'm not sharing you. You're coming with me."

"NO!" I scream and reach behind me, clawing at him with my nails. Mike yells out in pain and I feel skin under my nails and I can smell the blood in the air. I'm not sure what feeling is stronger, the urge to vomit or the urge to pass out.

"You fucking bitch," he hollers as he tries to pin my arms at my sides.

"I bet you're all ready for me to fuck you now," he says as he recovers from my strike and drags his hand down towards my crotch. I try and jerk away, but his grip is too tight. "I know how you like it rough," Mike leans down and drags his tongue up the length of my cheek. "You still taste so good." The feel of his tongue on my skin is making me sick.

I kick him in the shin, but he stands undeterred. What can I say? I guess Chucks don't pack a powerful punch. His grip tightens and I scream because it hurts. I feel like I'm being crushed. I can only imagine the bruises if I make it out of this.

Then Mike yells again as his body jerks and I hear Alice yelling for him to let me go. She's jumped on his back and is kicking and yelling at him to stop and let me go. Alice is strong for her size and I really don't know how he's still standing, holding me, and fighting her off. "Just wait until I'm done with you," Mike sneers.

_Edward, please get here soon. _

An arm moves around my neck and I let out another strangled cry as I attempt to breathe. I think I hear a door open, but I'm not sure.

"Let me go, Mike!" I say with my last full breath as the pressure on my throat is making it harder to breathe. Short gasps escape my lips as I try and keep the oxygen flowing so I don't pass out. I'm sure the only reason he hasn't dragged me out of here is because I'm struggling against him. If I pass out, he wins.

_I never gave much thought to how I would die. It looks like today is that day._

From somewhere behind me I hear something, like a deep animalistic growl and then Alice shouts, "He's going to kill her. Help her!"

Suddenly the pressure of Mike's forearm is no longer crushing my throat. I fly forward and grab onto the bar, gasping and choking for air.  
_  
"Don't fucking touch her!" _It sounds like Edward, except it doesn't. I need more oxygen to stop the hallucinations.

"Have you felt her hot little mouth around your cock yet? No gag reflex. I taught her that," Mike's menacing voice fills the room and I shudder at the sound.

Alice is at my side, checking to make sure I'm okay. She pulls me into a hug as I come to grips with what just happened. I turn away from her at the sound of glass breaking just in time to see Edward land a fist across Mike's jaw. I cringe.

"Does she beg for yours like she begs for mine? Telling you how good it feels?" Edward shouts at him to shut up as he slams him into the wall. "No matter who she fucks next, I popped her sweet little cherry. She'll always be mine."

This cannot be happening. The things he's saying...I want to die. What will Edward think of me after this? A few tears start to well and I tilt my head back to try and stop them.

The look on Edward's face is pure, unfiltered rage. His eyes are black as olives and he's bearing his pointy teeth. Mike grunts as Edward lands a fist in his stomach. "You don't fucking deserve her. You sick fuck. You'll be begging for my dick when I'm done with you."

Edward goes to throw another punch and Mike weaves out of the way, swinging and punching Edward in the eye. Edward stumbles back just a little before he lunges at Mike with a roar to rival an angry lion and knocks him to the ground. They both let out loud grunts as the force of the fall strikes them.

Edward grabs a hold of Mike's shirt and slams him into the floor. "Come near her again and I'll fucking end you." Another fist lands somewhere on Mike's face.

"Has she told you about that night? How she wanted every last inch of what I gave her? She likes it rough, Eddie boy. Think you can keep up?" Mike hollers with a laugh as Edward hits him squarely in the nose. The crack of the bone rings loudly in the room. I feel nothing.

Edward is on top of Mike, punching him repeatedly in the face while Mike flails his arms around in an attempt to get Edward off of him and uses his knees to get Edward in the back. I hear Alice on the phone. I presume she's calling Jasper as she is shouting for someone to hurry.

After who knows how many punches, Mike's hands fall to the side and he stops fighting. I realize that Edward will kill him if I don't stop him. And I'm standing here in a complete stupor.

"Edward, please," I cry out. I don't even recognize the sound of my voice. Edward doesn't stop, so I move forward, grabbing his arm to try and stop his movements. "Edward, please stop. You're going to kill him. Please stop."

Edward stands up and glares at me. A look of confusion flashes over his features before the anger returns. I can see his jaw clicking. "Bella, how can you fucking ask me to do that? How can you fucking stand there and plead for this fucker's life after the sick shit he has done to you? To us?"

I shake my head. Does he not understand that I am not pleading for Mike's life, but I am pleading for his. For us.

"Because I love you. And if you kill him, I'll lose you. I can't live like that. I won't live without you."

I touch his cheek with my hand as tears start to spill. I knew I loved him a long time ago, but this is the first time I have been able to admit it. I'm sure in my conviction just as sure as I know my name. I force myself to stare into his eyes and try to convey to him everything I feel. The love, the pride, the happiness, the feeling of being put back together. I see his features start to soften, the darkness in his eyes start to fade. And then Mike has to go open his fat mouth.

"Ha! Love? That's what she calls it," he coughs out, blood sputtering from his lips. "Love for dick and the love of money. Gold digging slut!"

Edward spins around and starts to kick Mike. I scream at him to stop, but even I can see it will take sheer force to pull him away now. I'm screaming and crying. He's shouting at Mike and telling me to go. Alice is pulling me, but I can't leave him, so I resist her attempts to pull me away.

Strong arms wrap around my waist and lift me in the air. I scream at them to put me down.

"Get her out of here," Edward shouts as I see Emmett and Jasper approach him. They grab him by the arms and pull him away from Mike. I scream at Edward to stop as Seth carries me from _Eclipse_. The last thing I see is Edward shrugging out of the grasp of his two best friends, shouting at Mike to get up.

I gasp as the cold air hits my tear soaked face. "Please. I can't leave him," I croak out as Seth sets me down in the car.

"Shhhh, Bella. It will be alright," Alice says, brushing my hair back. I stare into the eyes of my best friend and I can tell that not even she believes what she's saying.

I try to squeeze past Seth and run back inside, but he grabs me before I even take two steps. "You can't go, Bells. Edward said to get you out of here."

"I don't care. I can't. Please." Seth is holding me still as I try and struggle and the sobs are uncontrollable now.

"Maybe you should come with us?" Alice questions Seth.

I'm going numb. I'm so scared Edward is going to do something really stupid. It barely registers that we've moved to Seth's Jeep and that Alice is now cradling me in the backseat as Seth drives.

I hardly notice when we reach The Olivian where Edward lives. We enter as Alice mumbles that Jasper gave her his key before they took me away.

I automatically walk into his room and sink into his perfectly made bed. I curl up with my iPhone between my knees and my chest, willing it to ring the chorus to _Head Over Feet_ so I know he's okay.

Alice comes in and checks on me often. At first, I bolt up, thinking it's Edward coming in. After a while, I give up hope and no longer stir when she comes to offer me water, food, Xanax. It feels like hours go by before exhaustion sets in and restless sleep takes over.

My eyes shoot open as I hear the electrical lock on the front door beep. I hold my breath, waiting to see who it is, hoping it's him. It's mostly quiet out front, but I can sense that there are people out there. I wonder if it's just Alice and Seth.  
_  
"Jazz. Thank God,"_ I hear Alice's soft cry and the sound of her feet hitting the floor in a fast rhythm. She's running to him. I hear a muffled "_umph_" sound from Jasper, letting me know she has latched herself to him. I close my eyes, imagining a similar reunion with Edward.

_"Some detectives are on their way to get statements from you and Bella. Where is she?"_

Edward isn't with Jasper. He would have come for me by now, right?  
_  
"She's in Edward's bed. She's a wreck, Jazz. How is he?"_

I fight back the tears knowing he isn't here.  
_  
"Don't worry about Edward. He'll be fine. He's awfully pissed though. He'll probably be detained over night if he doesn't calm down."_

Detained? Prison? Jail? Oh, god. My heart constricts in my chest. All the air leaves my body in one breath. I need to see him. I need to know he's okay.

_"Where's Emmett?"_

_"He's at Eclipse now and then he's going to see about Edward. The Fire Marshall ended up arriving and insisted on doing his investigation. So between the police and the arson mess, it was a little hectic. We decided I needed to come check on you girls."_  
_  
"He actually declared arson?" _Alice sounds shocked and disgusted.

_"He sure did, but it was after they took Edward and he doesn't know yet. Emmett is wrapping things up there. We'll tell him later. Edward has enough to deal with now."_

_"Is that blood? Jasper, what happened after we left?"_

_"Nothing that didn't need to happen, darlin'. You might want to get Bella. I expect the detectives to be here any minute and she might want a moment to prepare herself."_

"I'm here," I say as I weakly walk down the hall. I found a hoodie draped over the chair in Edward's room and I slipped it on before walking out to be with everyone else. I was warm and mildly content laying in his bed, wrapped in the scent of him. It was soothing to my ragged nerves. Well, as soothing as possible given the situation. Now the hoodie serves as a portable, Edward-scented, anesthetic. Something has to get me through this shitstorm.

I sit down on the couch and Alice sits next to me, pulling my head to her shoulder. Jasper moves to my other side and pats my knee gently just as a buzz rings out into the silence. Jasper jumps up to the weird phone device by the door and speaks into it for a moment. I assume he's talking to the door people because he tells them to send whoever upstairs. I guess the detectives are here.

_Detectives._ I sigh heavily and Alice gives me a small smile. It's not that I have a problem with police because I don't. Charlie was a cop and he's the best man I have ever known. I don't distrust them or anything. It's just that my dad is my only positive association with the police and that association is long gone. My last experience with them was the night of my parents' murder. That night has pretty much eclipsed everything else in my life.

"Hello, Ms. Swan, Ms. Brandon. I'm Detective Sam Uley and this is my partner Emily Young. We're here to question you on the matters of this evening." A monstrously large man stands before Alice and me and I swallow so loud I'm sure the sound bounces off the glass window. I look at his face and he's trying to smile softly, but it's not really working. I feel incredibly small in front of this man.

"Why don't you come with me, Ms. Swan?" his much smaller female partner suggests, probably sensing my mood. I nod and stand up to move, but not sure where to go. Jasper suggests we talk in the dining area where I can sit down and he leads us in that direction.

Before we start talking, Detective Young tells me that members of the investigation team need to get some pictures of me. I take off Edward's hoodie and my shirt as instructed, leaving me only in my tank and jeans. Jasper gasps, but tries to cover it up. I assume it's because of the bruising I can feel on my neck and shoulders. They take the pictures, swabs and cultures from under my nails. Then they pack everything up in a pretty silver case and go. Leaving me alone with Detective Young and Jasper.

I put my clothes back on and sit down in the same seat where Edward sat the morning I made French Toast after staying here for the second night. I feel comforted by that memory. I have to remind myself that he's not gone, he's just _detained_. Forgive my pessimism, but I became used to losing things in life a long time ago, other than Alice.

Detective Young places a small digital recorder on the table then removes a pad and a pen from her inside jacket pocket. Jasper offers the detective and I a drink or something and we both agree on a bottle of water. The questions start when Jasper leaves.

"Okay, Ms. Swan, as my partner stated, we're here to ask questions about the events that took place at _Eclipse_ this evening. Do you understand that?" I nod. "I need you to verbalize your answers for me please, okay? We need to make sure everything is as straightforward as possible." She gives me a small smile, trying to show some sort of sign of solidarity.

"Yes, I understand."

"Great! Let's begin shall we? What is your connection to Michael Newton?"

"He's my ex-boyfriend."

"How long have you known him?"

"About three years."

"Were you a couple that entire time?"

"No, we were a couple about two years."

"How long ago was it over and why did it end?"

"Uhm," I start to fidget with the hoodie strings. I thought we were going to talk about tonight. Not two months ago. "September and it ended because..."

"Yes?"

"It ended because he got angry at me one night and I left," I answer dismissively and look down at the table, hoping she moves on.

"I have to say, people don't usually end a two year relationship because someone yelled at them. Is that all that happened that night? He got angry and you left?" I shake my head.

"Please, Bella," Detective Young's tone is softer now and she reaches out to touch my hand in a soothing gesture, "I'm only here to help you." Jasper comes back in then and hands us both a bottle of water. He's also carrying a box of tissues that he sets in the middle of the table. As if I don't know those are meant for me.

"No. That's not all. He...I...he raped me that night. And then I left." It surprises me that I can say it and I'm not in hysterics. When I talked to Alice and Jasper, I refused to believe it. When I talked to Edward, I nearly died from the emotion of speaking it out loud. Now, no tears, just...well, I'm not sure how I feel. Empty and tired come to mind.

"Was that the only time something like that has happened?"

"There was a night of abnormally rough sex once, but other than that, no." My voice is detached. I feel like I'm reading some anonymous story and not telling harsh details of my own life.

"Why didn't you press charges?" I just roll my eyes. Alice has asked me this a million and five times. Jasper has mentioned it. Even Edward once, but I snapped at him and he hasn't brought it up since. I think he realizes that now it wouldn't make sense, two months after the fact.

"It wouldn't have gone anywhere and it would have only made him more angry."

"Rape is very serious, Ms. Swan. I assure you, it would have been handled."

"Yeah. Well, you don't know his family," I say with a bit of a bite. My eyes flash to hers and I want to burn her with them. She doesn't know what I've been through. She doesn't know how Mike, The Golden Boy, gets everything and gets away with anything. It was easier to just go away. Apparently, I didn't go far enough.

Sensing my unwillingness to talk about that anymore, Detective Young changes the subject.

"And Edward Cullen? What is your connection to him?"

My heart flutters at the mention of his name. Despite the circumstances, I can't help but to smile just a little. I look up from the water bottle, whose label I've been picking, into the eyes of Detective Young. "He's the love of my life," I say with the utmost conviction.

She smiles wide at me and softly says, "I understand," before she goes back to her note pad. I look to Jasper and he smiles as well and gives me a nod to let me know I'm doing okay. I'm glad he's in here with me. It's nice to have the support and I hope that Alice is doing alright in the other room.

"Alice is fine," he whispers, almost as if he could sense my concern about my best friend.

"What brought you to _Eclipse_ tonight?"

So I explain to her how tomorrow is Jasper's birthday and we all had plans to go out tonight. Also, that I was out shopping with Alice and Edward said to meet him at _Eclipse_ at five. I told her I got the text that he was running late and we ended up waiting for him when Mike showed up. She inquires about how we got inside and I tell her the door was unlocked, which in retrospect doesn't make any sense because when we got inside, no one was around and I can't imagine any of the guys leaving the door unlocked.

I tell her about Mike grabbing me, Alice hitting the wall, and the nasty things Mike was saying. I start to shake and Jasper puts a soothing arm around me to comfort me. It does make it easier to continue. She asks me if I saw Mike at any point during the day and I tell her that I haven't seen him since the day in the parking garage at work, which she makes me tell her all about. I let her know that I've had a sense of being followed on more than one occasion, but I can never be sure if it's real because I never see anything strange.

I tell her about Edward showing up and the subsequent scuffle. She snorts then and I look at her confused. She just shakes her head and urges me to continue. I tell her that I can't tell her what happened after Emmett, Jasper and Seth showed up because I was hauled away like a bag of flour. The irritation in my voice is evident. By this point, I'm agitated and just itching to hear, see, smell, touch Edward.

"Thank you, Ms. Swan. This was very helpful. We'll be in touch if we have any more questions."

"That's it?"

"Yes, we've got all we need for now," she states as she rises out of her seat.

"What about Edward? When are you going to let him out of that cage? He's not an animal!"

"It's hard to say. It may be tonight, but most likely tomorrow. He's being held on excessive force."

"_Excessive_ _force_? Are you kidding me? Mike was going to _kill_ me and then probably do whatever he wanted to with my lifeless body. And you're holding Edward? If he hadn't have shown up, you'd probably be doing a double homicide investigation. You should be kissing his ass!" I don't know where this anger is coming from, but it has to go somewhere.

"Ms. Swan, Mr. Newton has been taken to the hospital for treatment of his injuries as per the protocol. When our officers arrived, Mr. Cullen barely had a scratch on him, but Mr. Newton was a wrangled, bloody mess. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a case to work. Thank you for your time."

I clench my fists at my sides. I want to slug her. I don't appreciate her dismissive tone. Maybe if I hit her, I can be taken to the same cell as Edward. The thought crosses my mind and I realize I'm pretty delusional at this point and my own aggressive thoughts surprise me. Alice comes in the room then and I hug her as Jasper walks the detectives out.

"They're never going to let him go are they?"

"I don't know, Bella. But you can't think like that."

Jasper walks back in, talking on the phone and saying a lot of "uh huhs" and "now whats?" I sit down in the chair and start to bite my nails and bounce my leg. The nail biting I haven't done in like a decade and the leg bouncing is a trait I must have picked up from Edward. He always does it when he's annoyed.

"That was Emmett," Jasper says as he hangs up. "He's at the precinct now. Esme and Carlisle are there with their attorney. Nothing is really happening, but Jenks is a smooth talker."

"Jenks?" I say, confused.

"Family attorney for just about the last million years," Jasper laughs. I just nod. Smooth talking attorney. Got it.

Jasper pulls me to him and wraps an arm around my shoulders, gently pushing me toward the living room. I try and turn to go down the hall toward Edward's bedroom, but both he and Alice insist that I stay with them. With a resigned sigh, I go with them.

Jasper turns on a movie, but I have no idea what it is because I just set my head in Alice's lap and close my eyes while she gently strokes my hair. Jasper sits down with us and grabs my feet and rests them on his knees and then puts a throw blanket from Edward's basket over me.

_I uncurl my legs from the cramped space and venture out into the darkened bathroom. I run around the corner to where my parents' room would be. The familiar lavender scent guiding the way. As I come to the door, one of my tiny hands reach out to touch the wall. I can see my hand, but it feels removed from my body. Like I am watching someone else in motion._

_I use the other hand to push the already ajar door completely open and I come to a halt as I lay my eyes on my parents._

_Both dead._

_Charlie's arm is splayed across Renee's chest as they lay in a crumpled pile on the floor, both aiming towards the door._

_"Mom! Daddy!" I cry, but it's muffled and they don't stir in front of me._

_As I start to move closer, my bare feet skimming across the floor, I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my right foot, piercing the skin with a searing tear and then the warmth pools around my foot. The pain is enough to shock my body out of a silent reverie and into a violently piercing scream that racks my body from head to toe. I fall to the ground, heaving, screaming, and shaking._

_I close my eyes and shake my head to rid myself of the bloody image of my lifeless parents. When I reopen my eyes, I see myself crying on the bed as a tanned and sweaty body moves above me. I look dead, almost lifeless, except for the sheer pain and fear in my own eyes that causes me to gasp for air. My body remembers the pain of that night and I clutch myself, trying to will the shaking to stop. I can't. It won't stop._

_I can literally feel another piece of my heart breaking in my chest and I cry out to me, "Fight, Bella. Fight back!" but I just lay there and cry, helpless to change the past and fix my future. I count the tears as they stream down my scared pale cheeks. One...five...ten...fourteen...twenty-one..._

_"Oh, god," I cry as he moves off of me with a contented sigh and it's over as I lay there in a crumpled, naked heap. Crying over the piece of my broken heart._

_A bright light passes and I shield my eyes from the harshness. Mike is holding me down and I can't get away. No matter how much I fight or claw at him, he's just too strong. The pain in my muscles from fighting against him restraining me is an aching burn._

_"Edward is going to kill you!" I scream at Mike._

_Mike just laughs and tells me my 'precious Eddie' is gone. I don't want to believe him, but I know it's true._

_He's gone. No longer in my life. The bright light in my life has come and gone. Consumed by the darkness._

_I continue to fight and scream, claw and bite. Someone has to hear me._

_"Edward! Edward! Pleeeaasse. Edward!"_

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**A/N**

Edward's ringtone is Head Over Feet by Alanis Morrisette. This is my fav Alanis song and the theme song of this fic. If you follow me on twitter, you know I had a happy cow when I connected this song to F&FS. Check out the F&FS Playlist here: http:/www{dot}snshyne{dot}com

**Ok...One more thing - mwah!**


	31. Ch 30: Confine & Release

**A/N:**

I have learned **TWO** things: **1) **you violent bitches need to enroll in some kickboxing classes & knock out some of that aggression ;o) **2)** I'm pretty sure your dislike for Detective Young is pretty close to your dislike of Rosalie, which is only shadowed by your hatred of Mike. = I'm so fucking amused!

**Happy Reader Appreciation Day! This is 2 days earlier than my normal Tuesday update because I just love you guys. ::sniffle::**

Oh! I started posting my new fic **Public Relations**. Go read!

My betas are like a good night's sleep. Snuggles to cclore and PhoenixMP3.

**I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 30: Confine & Release **

**Edward Cullen POV**

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I can hear her screaming, but it's a distant sound as I shout at the fucker in front of me to get up.

Emmett and Jasper try to hold me, but I break free and clock Mike in the fucking jaw the minute he stands. Em grabs my arms just as Mike swings back and he hits me in the side of the head.

Jasper lunges for him then, pushing him against the wall. Emmett knocks my feet from under me and pins me to the ground on my stomach and holds my arms back. I struggle and grunt, trying to force him off of me, but its no use. I have no leverage and he's got like 70 fucking pounds on me.

I look up to see Jasper punching Mike in the face and I laugh. A sick laugh that hardly sounds like me. I'm not the only one Bella matters to. Mike picked the wrong girl to fuck with.

Jasper is eerily calm in his assault. It's almost strategic, like he's planned it out. He avoids the few clean areas on Mike's face and goes for the already bloody, bruised and gashed parts instead; I figure the pain must be worse. Jasper is _yelling_? No, that's not right. It's more like a stern talking to. Whatever the fuck it is, it's making my fucking skin crawl. He sounds almost evil and shit. A warning against hurting his family crosses his lips and I can't lie, I love that bastard. He tells Mike that fuckers like him deserve to suffer a slow death, bleeding out their last minutes on earth.

As I watch my best friend, my own rage starts to level off and I realize he looks crazy. I wonder if this is what Bella saw as she watched me.

Would I have beat Mike fucking senseless if last night hadn't occurred? If my fingers had been able to reach that sweet spot between Bella's thighs and I had felt her moan into my mouth, would I have hurt him as bad today? Is the fact that my own body is aching for a non-self-induced release a contributing factor?

Deep down, I know it plays a role, but it's more than that. I was there. I saw the expression on her face; I felt the calm in her body. It was almost as if I could read her mind and I knew she was ready and more than okay with me bringing her pleasure. I saw and felt her fear and pain in that moment.

I already wanted to hurt that fucker. Bella's reaction was the icing on the shit flavored cake. Had he attacked my girl on Thursday, the day before, I would have hit him just as hard and just as many times as I did tonight. Fear-filled cockblocking be damned!

I want to go find her. I need to be sure she's okay. Her screams come back to my thoughts and make the hairs on my neck stand up.

"Alright now?" Emmett asks from above me and I nod. He let's me go and I shakily stand up.

Mike is sitting against the wall and Jasper is done hitting him after he told him that he wouldn't do Bella the injustice of killing him. Mike's still mumbling obscene things, but I don't care. Bella is mine now and he'll never touch her again. I should be surprised by my sudden possessiveness, but who the fuck am I kidding? I'm a possessive fucker and denying it is just some dumb shit.

I look at my friends and they both look a little fucking crazed, but I'm sure I do too. We've done some shit over the years, but this may take the fucking cake. I'll have to think about it when I don't have silent rage coursing through my veins.

"Bella," is all I can manage to say. They both nod and we go to leave just as the police burst through the door. Fucking holy shit.

_Who the fuck called them?_

The consequences of my actions start to come crashing down. I kicked Mike's ass to within an inch of his life, fueled by the sight of him grabbing Bella by the throat and the image of her being tortured by memories of what he's done to her as she lay under me. _This does not fucking look good_.

Behind me, someone says they need to get Mike to a hospital as I feel the cold metal of handcuffs slap on my wrist. I've never been cuffed before. Admittedly, I'm a little scared. I vaguely remember telling the guys to call my parents as I'm being pushed out the door to a cruiser. It's all a blurry fucking mess. My mind is hazy at best.

The officer placing me in the car tells me I need to calm down. It doesn't register that I'm doing anything but sitting here. I've gone numb.

All I can think of is Bella, my family, my life and what I've done. I think of what I'll lose if I'm put away and what she must think of me.

I'm disgusted with myself as they haul me in and print me before tossing me into an impersonal cell off of the main floor. It's pretty damn quiet for a Saturday night at the Seattle PD. I'm disgusted by what I've done, but even more so by the fact that I know I'd do that shit again if it meant that fucker never touched my girl again. Even if it means she's too scared of me to even look at me, I know she's safe from him. Even if I'm gone, Jasper and Emmett will keep her safe.

I pace the floor and occasionally lean against the bars. There's no fucking way I'm touching the disease ridden, piece of shit bench they keep in here. I have no idea what time it is or how long I've been here. I don't wear a watch and they took my phone. There's no clock on the wall within sight. Probably their way of playing mindfuck games with the people they lock in here.

I start to hum to myself to help pass the time; a melody that's been running in my head for the last two weeks, trying to piece the disjointed pieces together. No matter how many times I go over this shit, something is always missing. A note or a section that I have yet to create. This is the most frustrating thing about your own creation, when that shit fucking eludes you. I understand why most people stick to playing other people's shit.

_Anything to keep my fucking mind off this bullshit. _

I pace the floor in front of the bars, eyes closed, trying to block out all outside noise as the notes flow through my mind in conjunction with flashes of Bella. Bella's smile, Bella's laugh, her tiny hand in mine, the feel of her pressed into my side. How one of her sides is more ticklish than the other or that she talks in her sleep. The smell of Bella's hair and the taste of her lips. _Fucking goddamn!_ Now is not the time to be sporting a fucking tent in my jeans. _Get a fucking grip!_ I rub my hands through my hair and then rest them on my temples in an attempt to thwart the potential migraine from all the adrenaline and endorphins raging in my body with the fury of the night.

Fucking hell, I need a drink or a good fuck. _Damn!_

With a sigh, I lean my arms against the bars and rest my head against my forearms and run the notes through my head again.

The shit that Mike said - what a fucking deviant. Every time he opened his mouth, I wanted to break his fucking jaw. I hope I did by the time all the shit was said and done. I know he probably said most of it to egg me on and it worked. I couldn't stand to hear him talk about her with such fucking disrespect.

And then...she fucking tells me she loves me. It was one of those moments in the movie where the audience holds their damn breath waiting for the hero to say it back to their heroine, but I couldn't do it. So when Mike opened his mouth to spout more shit, it snapped me back to the reality of kicking his ass some more.

She meant it too. I could tell. It wasn't a distraction to make me ease up on beating that asshole into the carpet. I saw it in the sincerity of her gaze and felt it in the softness of her touch.

You know what they say about firsts - you never forget. You never forget the first time you tell someone you love them and you never forget the first time you hear it said to you. For Bella to have been through that shit and still have it in her to love is a big fucking deal. For her to give that love and not hide it is a treasure worth more than any jewel in the fucking world and it shouldn't be wasted. I'm not gonna cheapen it by saying it back just to say it. I'm not there and it wouldn't have been fair to either of us. I'm not sure if I ever will be, but I want her. I want to talk with her, kiss her, hold her, keep her safe and buy her shit. I can give her that now. I really just hope it's enough. If it's not, if I never get there and she wants to go, I'll let her.

"Cullen."

I hear my name and my head snaps up in time to see Esme running to the bars with Carlisle and Jenks in tow. She has tears in her eyes as she reaches through the bars to grab onto me as much as possible.

"Oh, caro, what happened my sweet boy?" she asks, rubbing her delicate hand over my eye and I flinch because it's just a little fucking tender. I'm sure that's where Mike got his only _real_ shot in. That shit when Emmett held my arms doesn't count. I go to tell her, but Jenks cuts me off.

"Not here, Esme. Wait until we have some privacy." He has this odd accent. The way he says privacy is like he's a Brit or some shit. Probably adds to his smooth talking ways.

Almost as soon as he says that, a uniformed officer comes and unlocks the fucking monkey cage. Then he cuffs me, as if I'm gonna fucking run or some shit, and escorts us to one of those interview rooms you see on those crime shows on TV. Surprisingly, this room doesn't have a two-way mirror; it's all stone. I wonder how the fuck they plan to spy on us. Bug under the table? And when the fuck did I turn into a conspiracy theorist?

We sit down. I'm flanked by each of my parents as Esme rubs soothing circles on my wrists around my cuffs and Carlisle sits, the picture of stoicism - his business face. Before Jenks even fully sits down across from us, he tells me I need to tell them everything from the beginning. So, I start to tell him about showing up at Eclipse, but he stops me and says, "No. I mean, _the beginning_. As in, from as far back as you have known Bella Swan."

Fuck me.

Truthfully, that's so far in the past I'm not sure I can even recall that shit. I think the first day I saw Bella was when I was a junior and she was a freshman and it was in the morning before homeroom. Alice was stalking Jazz, as usual, and Bella was like hiding behind her or some shit. I barely saw her, but she dropped her books, which forced her to come out from behind Alice.

"Shit," I say to no one in particular because I recall that fucking electricity shit from that day. But I brushed it off, just like I did all those times recently.

"What?" Jenks and my parents ask at the same time. I just shake my head.

"Nothing. My interactions with Bella before September were pretty much non-existent. She's two years younger than me. We never had a class together and other than Alice stalking Jazz, we didn't spend time in the same circles."

"So after you left for college, you never saw Bella again until September?"

"Not that I can remember." In my head, I'm thinking that if I had, I would remember. At least on a subconscious level. Just like I recalled that day junior year all of a sudden.

"Alright. So tell me about what's been going on since September then."

I sigh and go to run my hands through my hair when I remember I'm cuffed to the motherfucking table. I growl at the cuffs and my mom moves her hand to rub circles across my back. I settle back into my seat and tell Jenks and my parents every fucking thing. From the panicked call from Jasper that fucking early September morning, to moving her shit with Mike nowhere to be found, to seeing the bruises on her body that day. He stops me and asks me to elaborate.

I do and then continue to tell him about seeing her in the kitchen that Sunday and how she was kind of freaked out, but more like somewhat stunned. I tell him about the subsequent dinner at her place after Jasper went for a trial run. We get all the way up to last night and ice skating and I stop, thoroughly fucking spent from rehashing the last three goddamn months of my life. I'm even more agitated when he asks me to give him more details about Bella after Mike confronted her in the garage and her reaction - what she told me and how I reacted.

I can't lie, I want to fucking punch his ass for making me discuss this shit. I can see how Bella feels having to talk about this shit and it actually happened to her. It's fucked!

"So you didn't know about the night of her rape until Bella told you? And that was when you took her back to her place after Mike accosted her in the garage?" _Who says garage like that?  
_  
"Right. Well, I knew he hit her," the memory of her bruises as she slept that day in September come to mind and I feel myself getting angry. "I saw the fucking bruises. I didn't know he fucking...I didn't know that he did _that_ to her." I can't even say it. It makes me so fucking sick to even fathom that being done to _anyone,_ let alone my beautiful, sweet Bella.

"And you never sought Mike out?"

"No."

"Have you thought about it?"

"Of course I fucking thought about it. If your girlfriend froze at your touch, wouldn't you? If you had to watch her fucking break down and cry or hear her screams while she dreams, what the fuck would you think about doing?" I know I'm being an ass, but I can't even be here right now. I need to get to Bella.

"What time is it anyway?"

"About eleven."

_Shit_.

"Okay, last question and I'll tell the officers we're ready. When Luther came into Eclipse, did you have any idea that he was anyone other than who he purported to be?"

"No. I've never seen Mike before. Ever. Not even a photo. I knew very little about him. I knew he was blond because Alice called him the blond devil once. But that doesn't mean shit. There's a lot of blond men in the world. I knew his first and last name. I knew of him by reputation as some corporate hot shot. I knew where he lived because I had to help get Bella's shit after he left her abused and broken. But I've never seen him or interacted with him. So when he introduced himself as Luther, I had no reason to question it."

"Alright. I'm sure we can get you out of here tonight. Sit tight."

Jenks leaves the room and mom starts to cry. Dad moves to her side to comfort her and I lean my head on her shoulder, offering as much comfort as I can cuffed to the fucking table.

"Oh, Carlisle. The things that girl has been through. My heart breaks for her. Such a sweet spirit. I can't believe she hasn't broken yet," Esme sniffles. I just nod against her, wondering the same shit. I know my girl is strong, but everyone has a breaking point and I seriously hope Bella is never pushed to hers.

The door opens and Jenks returns with two detectives. The man is fucking huge. He might be bigger than Emmett. They introduce themselves as Detective Sam Uley and Detective Emily Young. They sit on the side of the table across from us as Carlisle takes the seat next to Esme and Jenks comes to my other side.

Detective Young sets her recorder on the table as does Jenks and the questioning begins. I swear to fucking god, I just told all this shit to Jenks. Let me just say, I am not a fan of repeating myself. In fact, I fucking hate that shit. But if it will get me out of here and these fucking cuffs so I can take a fucking shower and make sure Bella is okay, I'll grin and bear it and let Jenks play puppet master.

After I tell the entire fucking story _again_, I don't have much talking to do. Jenks starts to talk and you can't really get a word in edge wise.

Jenks is quick to point out that I never sought out Mike, even after getting into a relationship with Bella. Despite knowing where he lives. He also brings up that I have no history of violence in the past, citing that my behavior tonight was out of pure reaction to seeing my girlfriend being attacked by the man who has abused her in the past. A man with a history of stalking her as well.

We've been in here for-fucking-ever. It has to be at least one in the morning now and I am slowly losing the last shred of fucking patience I had when this whole fucking mess started. And I'm fucking hungry, so add irritable to that shit list.

_Bella, Bella, Bella on the brain. _

Before I realize what the hell is going on, both officers leave the room. I'm not even sure what has been going on for the last twenty minutes or so. I look at Jenks, probably looking as panicked as I feel and he lets out a smooth chuckle. I guess it's a good thing I'm cuffed to the table or I might punch him. This shit isn't fucking funny. He's been the family attorney forever; he's almost, kinda like family. And he's pissing me off.

"I say you'll be out of here in the next twenty minutes. I figure they're out there trying to sweat you out and see if you'll crack. But they really have nothing on you. Yes, you were violent. But you were protecting things you care about. Your livelihood and your girlfriend. It's the most basic human instinct. It's undeniable."

I think about what he's saying and maybe he's right. I wasn't thinking. I was just acting, doing, feeling, letting whatever it was take over me. I'm sure there could be a more civilized manner, but honestly when his hand was on her throat, the last thing I was thinking about was a damn chat over fucking tea and crumb cakes. Fuck that.

Sure enough, the detectives come back in and tell me I'm free to go. I have to go by the front desk and do that whole out-processing bullshit, but then I'm done.

I walk out of the interview room uncuffed and my mother wraps her arms around me, nearly squeezing the life out of me. "I shouldn't say this, but I'm proud of you. It's never wrong to fight for what's yours," she whispers into my chest. Dad claps me on the back and when I look at him, he's smiling. One of those proud papa bear smiles and I have to wonder if someone slipped my parents some roofies or some shit.

As we make our way to the front, Detective Uley calls out that I'm not to leave the country until this is over. I groan out loud. There goes Christmas in Italy. I'm silently glad that I hadn't mentioned it to Bella. I wasn't sure if she'd want to go with me or not. I was hoping so because it's not like I wanted to leave her here. It's a non-issue now. My sister, on the other hand, is going to be fucking livid.

"I'll tell Rose," Carlisle says, grabbing my coat from the counter.

We step outside and Jenks is running through what happens next. He tells me I should try and convince Bella to get a restraining order. He also says something about Mike's condition in the hospital and the detectives going to talk to him next. I'm only half listening because I'm about two seconds from bolting. Then I realize I was carted here and I didn't drive. I curse under my breath when I hear Emmett's booming voice behind me.

"It's about fucking time."

I look at him and he's alone. No Bella.

"Where is she?"

"She's at your place. I'll take you. Ready?"

I smile. Bella is at my place. I'll see her in ten minutes. "Can I drive?" Emmett nods. Make that five minutes.

I hug my parents goodbye, telling them I'll call tomorrow. Jenks tells me he'll be in touch and I race off to Emmett's Hummer as he tosses me the keys.

Five minutes later, just like I said, I cross the threshold of The Olivian. I contemplate taking the stairs, but that's a lot of fucking stairs and I'm damn tired. Luckily, someone is getting off an elevator as we arrive in the lobby so we can just head up.

"Anxious?" Emmett asks my reflection.

"How is she?"

"Last I talked to Jasper, she was asleep." Emmett's face falls, but he recovers quickly. "I heard she told off that female detective though." I have to chuckle at that. I bet it was a sight to see.

I approach my door and I hear muffled screams, causing my heart rate to speed up. _Not again_. With force, I push the door open once the lock beeps and hurry in the direction of the screams. I step into my living room and take a breath of relief when I only see Jasper and Alice and no intruders, but I feel a wrenching in my gut when I look further and see a screaming, writhing Bella lying on the couch. She has kicked the blankets off of her and her forehead is covered in sweat. Alice is trying to soothe her and get her to wake up and Jasper looks like he wants to rip his hair out.

I rush to her side and kneel down.

"What the fuck is going on?" I ask as I study Bella's tear stained face and brush some hair out of the way.

"She's having a nightmare and it's really bad," Alice says with a cringe. "It's been off and on and getting progressively worse for the better part of the night. I can't get her to wake up." Alice looks so hurt, so torn. I go to say something, but Bella's cries become more coherent.

_"Edward! Edward! Pleeeaasse. Edward!"_

The knife in my gut twists a little more at the strangled cry of my name escaping her lips. I need her to wake up.

"Bella! Baby, please. You have to wake up."

"_Please. Stay,_" she cries some more, but she starts to still in Alice's lap. I sit on the floor and pull her to me. Jasper rushes over and Alice buries her face in his shoulder, trying to stifle a sob.

"Bella, _svegliati e guardami... sono qui con te_," I say, repeating the words that came so naturally just a few weeks ago. "Please, baby, I'm here." I kiss her forehead and run my hand up and down her arm in hopes of offering any kind of soothing to the terror in her mind. I wish I knew what she's dreaming. I wish I could see and slay the pain for her.

She stills as the pained expression on her delicate face starts to soften. Then suddenly, her eyes jerk open and she's staring at me. Confusion mars her features as she tries to focus and I watch her for several long as fuck moments before she speaks.

"You're not gone?" I shake my head. She timidly takes her soft hand and places it on my cheek, as if to make sure I'm really here. As if she doesn't believe the sparks on her skin from my light touch. If I can feel them, I know she can. "Oh, god," she says before she shifts in my lap so she's now straddling me on the floor. Her legs wrap around my waist as she latches onto my neck.

"It was awful. He was here and you weren't. And he took me. And my parents...gone. No Ali and my light was gone; you were gone. All darkness. I was so scared," she cries almost incoherently into my shoulder. I can feel the wetness of her tears seeping through the collar of my shirt. I'm not sure what all of it means, but I think she's referring to people being gone from her life and only being left in the dark with the fucker Newton. This will never happen.

"That's never going to happen, Bella."

She sits back and looks at me, searching my face. "What did you do?" She looks at me, then to Jasper, then she whips her head the other way and looks at Emmett. "Did you?...Is he?"

"He's alive."

"He shouldn't be," Jasper and Emmet scoff in unison and I nod in agreement.

"You're better than that. All of you," Bella says with a pointed glare. I'm not going to argue the merits of Newton's life with her. I'm done talking about him.

I kiss her softly on the mouth and she hums. "Again, please." So I kiss her again and I linger there for a moment, but not too long. I pull away and see the faint blush in her cheeks. I'm already semi hard in my pants from the way she's sitting on me and I can feel my situation growing. I know I'm not doing this shit tonight. I'm not even going to try. I don't think I can be gentle with her right now. I'm still pretty amped up from the earlier activities, despite being in a fucking cell for about four or five hours. And I don't want her to feel like she owes me sex for kicking Newton's ass. It's not even about that.

I sit with her in my lap and kind of skirt around the discussion at the precinct. Really, we can talk about that shit tomorrow. I apologize to Jasper for fucking up his birthday celebration and he pretty much bites my head off.

"Will you two can it? Bella already spent at least twenty minutes and every chance she could get apologizing. She was in the kitchen trying to bake a damn cake. This is neither of your fault." Someone is on edge. I look at Alice and quirk a brow and she just laughs lightly. I seriously hope she calms his ass down. Edgy Jazz, while funny, is fucking weird.

"I am sorry," Bella starts. I just place my finger over her lips to silence her. I agree with Jazz, this isn't her fault.

"There are plenty of other times to hang out and get drunk anyway," Emmett says and we all laugh. The mood in the room lifts instantly. He gets up to leave, but before he goes, he kisses Bella on the forehead and tells her he's proud of her for scratching the fuck out of Newton's face. The look on her face is one of amusement and mild disgust. I stifle a laugh.

Emmett leaves and Bella rests her head against my shoulder. "Sleep now," she says in a yawn. I'm not sure if she means to sleep here or to go home with Alice.

"Hey, Bells?" Alice calls her attention and Bella turns her head to face Ali, but keeps it on my shoulder. "I'm pretty shaken, so I'm gonna stay with Jazz. Can you stay here?"

I answer for her. Maybe I shouldn't, maybe I should. I couldn't fucking care less. As if I'm going to let her go back to Forks alone. For all I know, Mike has an accomplice. Or his ass will somehow get out of the hospital and go after her. I can't fucking risk it.

Ali and Jasper say their goodbyes and I tell Bella I'm gonna hop in the shower and she can make herself comfortable. I think I wash and rewash myself no less than four times. I consider shaving, but I realize how fucking tired I am. I figure Bella is probably knocked out by now. So imagine my surprise when I see her sitting on the edge of my bed, hair down and covering her face, hands in her lap fidgeting nervously when I come out of the bathroom. She's found a t-shirt of mine and that might be all she has on unless she has on some really short shorts because all I can see are her legs.

"Hey," I say, stepping closer.

Bella looks up at me from under her hair and I swear I hear her breath catch in her throat. It's then that I actually think about the fact that I only have a pair of boxers on. She sizes me up just like that Sunday in her kitchen three months ago. Except this time, her gaze is more heated and it takes her longer to reach my face. When she does, I can't help but smirk at her. She bites her bottom lip and turns her gaze to stare at the pillows, which I'm sure are far less interesting.

"Are you comfortable enough?" I ask and she nods, still not looking at me. She shifts her body and moves to the head of the bed, pulling the blankets down and sliding underneath. I catch a glimpse of her ice blue panties when she moves her legs. _Fuck me._ I think I had assumed we'd sleep in my bed together, but it didn't actually register until now. And now I have a big problem, which I try to mask, but I'm sure I fail as Bella watches me walk to the other side of the bed.

I climb in and look at her. She's watching me intently. I really, really fucking wish I knew what she's thinking.

"Does it hurt?" she asks. I just look at her, wondering what the fuck she's talking about. "This," she says, running a finger around my eye, "does it hurt? Where he hit you?"

"Oh. No. I forgot it was even there," I laugh after I say that, knowing it's complete bullshit because that spot is tender as fuck. But it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the fucker is going to hurt once the pain kicks in.

Bella laughs too and sweeps her hair to the side, exposing her neck, which causes a growl to erupt in my chest at the sight. I reach out to touch it and she flinches when my hand makes contact. We make eye contact and her eyes start to water, but she bites her lip in an effort to control the tears.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there, baby," I say, pulling her close to me. I place a kiss on her bruise and she sighs, relaxing into my arms. "I'm so sorry he hurt you, but it will never happen again." I place a kiss on another spot where he has marked her. I try and push down the rising rage to focus on making Bella relax enough to sleep. "Do you wanna talk about this shit?"

She shakes her head and shifts so she's kind of facing me. She pushes on my shoulders to show she wants me to lie down and I do. Once I'm settled, she follows and curls up into my side. Her left hand is resting on my bare chest, which is heated under her touch.

We lie in silence for a minute and Bella is so still, I think she may have fallen asleep. I shift to look down and check and she tenses for a minute, then relaxes.

"You know I never...I didn't...you know, that I never begged him for...for what he said? That I never begged him to do what he did to me? Even when it was consensual?"

"I know."

A few minutes later, Bella is sound asleep. I stay awake a while and let my mind drift, going over the melody in my head. I pay attention to her breathing to make sure she's okay. So far, so good. No nightmares.

I drift off to sleep eventually with thoughts of a pretty girl with expressive eyes and soft lips, laughing and smiling.

I wake up to a fuckawful noise and I realize it's my phone ringing from down the hall. How the fuck did I not realize how loud that shit is? I look down at Bella and she's asleep exactly the same way she fell asleep last night. Except now her left leg is thrown across my left and resting in the space between mine. I close my eyes to go back to sleep just as my phone starts to ring again. Fucking Christ! It better be really fucking important.

I slide out from under Bella and she murmurs something incoherent while I make my way down the hall. I look down at my boxers and I almost want to wave hi to my dick because he's just bouncing along at full attention, basically making the flap in my shorts wave back at me. I guess I'll be taking another shower this morning.

I grab my phone in time for it to start ringing a third time and I really wanna throw the shit across the room. Note to self, put your phone on silent, motherfucker!

"Rose, what's up?"

"Let's see. Where do I start? Oh, I know. How about my baby brother spends the night in some jail cell and I have to find out about it from Emmett." I cringe at the hurt in her voice.

"Sorry."

"Were you even going to fucking call me? I know we had that fight at Thanksgiving, but I don't love you any less."

"Of course I was gonna call. It's just...it all happened so fucking fast and I was so tired when they let me go. I really needed to get back to Bella. And to be honest, after the way you treated Bella on Halloween and at Thanksgiving, I didn't want this to be another issue."

"Emmett told me," she pauses for what feels like eternity. The silence just hangs in the air. I told Emmett in the five minute drive to my place last night the cliff notes version of Bella's and Mike's history. I thought he was going to punch out his window when I told him. I realize it's not my story to tell, but I also realize how freaked out Bella gets telling it. At this point, we all need to be operating with the same information. If she's mad, fuck it. I'll deal with it.

"I'm not gonna lie to you. I don't really understand what you see in her..."

"Are you really gonna fucking do this shit now? Like, right fucking now?" I cut her off before she can continue on one of her snobby rants about my girl. "Fucking hell, Rose. She's sleeping just down the goddamn hall. After the night I've had, I don't need your shit," I say as I turn around to a small gasp and see Bella standing in the archway.

_Shit_.

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**A/N**

_Translations_

_svegliati e guardami... sono qui con te_ - wake up and look at me

_caro_ - dear

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**Grey Goose, Cupcakes & kisses for my wonderful readers!**

**xx**


	32. Ch 31: Persuasion

**A/N:**

I dunno about you, but I happen to like lime in my Grey Goose.

**cclore** and **PhoenixMP3** without your encouragement, love and patience we would not be at this point. mwah!

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 31: Persuasion**

**Bella Swan POV**

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_"Are you really gonna fucking do this shit now? Like, right fucking now?" I cut her off before she can continue on one of her snobby rants about my girl. "Fucking hell, Rose. She's sleeping just down the goddamn hall. After the night I've had, I don't need your shit," I say as I turn around to a small gasp and see Bella standing in the archway._

_Shit._

**~F&FS~  
**

Edward listens into his phone for a moment and then takes it away and stares at it like it's the most confusing thing in the world. He arches a brow and then shakes his head as if in amazement or disbelief at something the person said.

"Uhm, she's a little shaken, but I think she's okay overall," he says when he brings it back to his ear, "I'm fucking hanging up now." Edward tosses his iPhone on the couch and sits down, running his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry."

"Rose?" He nods. "What did she say?" I ask as I gingerly sit next to him on the couch.

"Nothing worth fucking repeating." The way his head is tucked down makes it sound like he's speaking in a cave.

"Do you know why she doesn't like me so much? We don't even know each other."

"It's not you, really. Rose doesn't like anyone except her self to be honest. And then this uhm…" he searches for the words as he gestures between us without looking at me, "because you're my girl or whatever, it's like an added piece of fucking fuel to her already furious fire. She's always been over protective."

I just nod. Being an only child, I don't really have a full grasp on what he's saying, but Alice has always played that part. There was only ever Mike for me though, so it didn't get to a point of overbearing.

"Is she like that with, like, every girl you date?"

"I don't date, Bella," he scoffs, "only you."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Uhm…" My head is spinning. I know he's mentioned it before, but the way he said 'only you,' I just can't help it. Like there is more weight to it than I realize. Probably more weight than even he realizes.

Like, could be it be only me now and...forever?

"She's just that way about everything. When Emmett got his tattoo, she threatened to cut his damn balls off if he let me get one."

"Did you get one?"

"Nope. See, I was going to, but Emmett freaked out when he was getting his and it freaked me out so I…uh… chickened out of it," he says sheepishly, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.

"Oh, I have one," I reply in a small voice. Only Alice and Mike know about it and I have no idea why I'm bringing it up now.

"No shit! What is it and where?" His eyes light up in excitement.

"I'll show you some day maybe." Sensing that I just don't want to talk about it anymore, he just nods and moves on.

"When I took Kate to prom, she interrogated the girl for like an hour."

"Where were you?"

"Er…I was with Em and Jazz. Getting high made prom bearable."

I laugh and he smiles at me, the tension leaving his face.

"She loves you."

"Yeah. I get that, but fuck! I'm not a kid anymore. I am more than fucking capable of making my own choices. I've made it this far. I'm fucking alive. Until recently, I've never had any legal issues. I'm healthy as shit. I run my own fucking business for fuck's sake."

"Maybe she's compensating for not being around as often anymore." It's an errant thought that suddenly came to mind. Who knows if it has any weight or not? I sit back against the couch and Edward lets out a heavy sigh before standing up.

"Come on, Princess. I'm still tired," Edward says with a grin as he picks me up and tosses me over his shoulder. My arms hang down his bare back, leaving my hands to rest at his waist and I start to tickle him. He's laughing and picks up the pace. As we reach his bedroom, he nearly drops me from the way he's trying to jerk away from my wiggling fingers.

Instead, he starts to tickle me back and I lose my breath because of the fits of giggles escaping me. I start to wiggle and squirm to try and break free and I end up kneeing him in the stomach, which loosens his grip and I fall back on the bed. He's not in pain because he's laughing so I sit up and tickle him some more.

It's a mess of arms and giggles as he falls forward, me tickling him and him tickling me. His hands soften as they caress my skin and the violent tickles turn into gentle touches. I look up at him and he's smiling at me.

I reach up and touch his cheek, feeling his scruff since he hasn't been bothered to shave. I like the scruff. He leans down and brushes my lips with his softly and pulls back. Staring into his eyes, I nod slightly to try to convey what I want.

He leans in and kisses me again, but this time it's more heated and I sigh at the contact as I open my lips to allow him access. His tongue dances across my bottom lip before it mingles with mine and I reach my hand into his hair, holding him to me.

The hand he's not resting on snakes up his borrowed t-shirt and ghosts across my stomach where my nerves cause my stomach to jump at the electric contact. His lips move from mine**,** down to my neck. Kissing, sucking, nibbling and I moan when he hits that spot where my shoulder and neck connect because it's so sensitive.

My grip on his hair tightens as his lips travel down and his hand travels up. Silently, I'm praying that they'll meet in the same spot. Preferably in the vicinity of my braless nipples that are aching for friction. His fingertips reach the swell of my breast and I let out a shuddered breath; the anticipation is killing me!

And he stops. Again. Both of us are panting and I can feel the flush in my skin and the heat coming off his chest.

"Edward?"

He closes his eyes for a moment as if trying to gain some kind of composure. When he opens them again, his look is soft and pleading as his hand runs a soft circle over the flesh of my stomach where his borrowed t-shirt has ridden up in the heat of the tussle.

He rolls onto his back and I sit up looking down at him. I'm not sure what happened; I have no idea what he's thinking, but I recognize the tick in his jaw and the set of his eyes. Thinking is precisely what he's doing.

An all too quiet silence settles over us. He's upset. I can sense it. I don't want him to be upset. He's done nothing wrong and all I want right now is to just be with him. Whatever that means, I want it.

"Well, if I'm the Princess than you must be Prince Philip," I say, breaking the silence. Edward looks at me with a confused expression. "You know, like the only fairy tale prince to actually slay the evil monster instead of some ludicrous idea of a kiss or a shoe solving all the problems."

"What fairy tale is that?"

"Sleeping Beauty."

"That's appropriate. You are beautiful when you sleep." He looks at me and the intensity of his gaze makes my stomach jump.

"Please don't pull away from me," I say, laying down and resting my head against his bare chest and his arm comes down to rest down my back and on my hip.

"I don't want to hurt you. I'd never be able to fucking live with myself."

"You won't hurt me."

Edward's grip tightens as he pulls me closer and brings the soft blankets up around us. The last thing I remember is him placing a soft kiss against my forehead and saying, "you deserve a happily ever after" before I drift off to sleep again.

Waking up from the tickle fight nap, I realize I need to go home, even though I don't really want to. I can't let Mike rule my life and I don't live with Edward. It's important to me that I try and stay as normal as possible despite what I'm going through.

Edward asks me when the last time I ate was and then throws a fit when I tell him the last thing I ate was the pastry before everything that happened at Eclipse the previous night. He makes threats about kicking Jasper's ass and _speaking_ to Alice for neglecting my health by not making sure I ate something. I just laugh.

I sleep at my place both Sunday and Monday, but I might as well not have because Edward and I stay up talking on the phone until very early in the morning. He likes to play twenty questions. Except it's more like a million and two questions because he asks about everything from how old I was when I learned how to ride a bike to my dreams hopes for the future.

Sunday he plays me something on the piano while I listen on the phone. He tells me it's a song he composed for his mother when he was in high school. It's sweet and delicate, just like Esme.

Monday night, I even fall asleep to the sound of his voice and wake up with a smile on my face even though he isn't in my bed.

On Tuesday, we go to a movie. He insists that I can't hide out in his condo, my office, or my house and I need to be around more people. If he wasn't coming with me, I wouldn't have bothered. As a matter of persuasion, as if I need it, he lets me pick the movie. I end up having to work late and so we miss the eight o'clock showing of _The Lovely Bones_ because he insists that I need to eat first. I find it amusing that his chief complaint about his mother is the same thing he does to me.

So after working late and going to dinner, we end up seeing a nine-thirty movie and by the time it's over, there is no way I'm driving back to Forks. I'm just too tired after the exhaustion of my life and late night chats with my boyfriend. So, I sleep at Edward's and Alice brings me clothes in the morning.

Edward picked me up at work the night before, so my car is still there and he drives me to work the next day. However, Starbucks is a must. We park and walk in together, but Edward's phone rings just as he opens the door for me. He says he needs to get it and gives me a kiss before he answers it and I head inside to get our coffees. It's kind of perfect in a way and I can't help but smile on my way to the counter.

I place my bag on the counter and fumble around for my wallet as I recite his and hers coffee orders to the cashier, the huge smile still plastered on my face.

"You know, he'll just toss you aside and move on to the next girl, right? The next one willing to spread their legs for his dazzling smile?"

I freeze and look up to see that girl, Kim, leering at me. My stomach rolls as nausea threatens to overtake my senses from her disgusting tone and vile words. I know some of his less than stellar past with girls. Admittedly, I don't want details. I know what I need to know.

I also know that I am the first girl he has dated. Ever. That means more to me than just sharing his bed, couch, car, wall, floor, etc, for fleeting moments. I'm not going to let her toxic attitude set doubt ablaze in what I know to be important.

"You know I'm right. Edward only cares about Edward and pussy," she hisses, "he'll never let you stay."

"Funny you should mention it, I'm pretty sure I stayed in his bed last night and he has never kicked me out. Not once. In fact, he holds me against his bare chest with his muscular arms."

A look of anger flashes in her eyes and I barely resist the triumphant smile that my lips form. Warm arms wrap around my waist and I feel my body sigh at the contact with him.

"Ready, baby?" he asks as he places a soft kiss on my neck and I bring my hand up to rest against his arm as I nod.

"I placed the order I was about to pay, but we got caught in girl talk." I have to stifle a giggle because I feel like Alice at this moment. All sugar coated venom against an ill-matched opponent.

"I've got it," Edward says when he places some cash on the counter and then pulls me away, one arm still around my waist. He doesn't even give Kim a partial glance. It's as if she doesn't exist. The triumphant brat in me wants to turn around and stick my tongue at her and then sing teasing rhymes, but that's hardly mature or appropriate.

It feels good to be on the arm of someone I love. In the embrace of someone I can be proud of. Held by someone I trust implicitly.

As we leave Starbucks, I catch a glimpse of Kim out of the corner of my eye and I can't help but smile at her and the miserable scowl on her face.

**~F&FS~  
**

It's Friday. I love Friday. For as long as I can remember, Friday has always been my favorite day of the week. You know what's even better than Friday? Friday with Edward!

The guys are coming over for dinner tonight and then Edward is going to stay with me and we're just going to relax. We've all been really stressed out and just need a night to breathe.

This has been one of those weeks where everything takes forever and yet you feel like you have no time to do anything. Deadlines loom, I jump every time my phone rings, waiting for it to be the police or the DA or Mike himself. Holiday depression creeps into consciousness and I try to fight it back. Alice is flying about like a hummingbird on crack and I want to pelt her with a BB gun. Edward is so busy with the whole arson scandal and getting Eclipse back together that he's on serious edge and very snappy. Not with me necessarily, but in general.

I did file that restraining order, which Edward isn't all that impressed with. He said it's a faux deterrent, like airport security, but I shouldn't worry because he'd never be out of contact with me long enough for anything to happen to me again. And I have to say, I'm not complaining about that. Especially when he showed up at my office with a basket full of those cherry-vanilla candies I love and soft kisses that I love even more.

And we never really did get around to celebrating Jasper's birthday. We just had some cake Sunday night. I gave him his Stetson hat and he loved it. I felt bad about ruining his day with my drama. I still do and I need to make it up to him.

Every moment I spend with Edward, every moment I think of him only reaffirms the fact that I love him.

He is…just dreamy! Beautiful inside and out. Considerate, attentive, intelligent and creative. Just wonderful.

Other people may shy away from his intensity, but I really enjoy it. It's his intensity that let's you know if he says it, he means it. If he does it, it's because he wants to. Nothing is half-ass with him. It is the perfect fire to my more subdued nature.

The other night, Alice wasted no time to corner me the second I was home and out of Edward's ear shot to talk to me about confessing my love to him. She couldn't believe I chose the moment where he was beating Mike into the ground to say it. It just kind of came out. I didn't plan it that way. She was dying to know if he reciprocated or gave any indication as such.

He hasn't.

I should be sad, but I'm not. He only just came to terms with the fact that I mean more to him than just a friend, while I figured it out months ago that I wanted more than just friendship.

I know that when it does happen for him – because I firmly believe it will and I can't wait for the intensity of that realization - it will consume him. I plan to hold on so we can be consumed together. I refuse to think of the alternative because I need something to hope for.

Alice cried and held me in a crushing hug as she recited how happy she was that I found Edward, how sorry she was for all the things I had to go through, but that perhaps they served a purpose. She told me how much she loved me, which is always nice to hear even if you know. How seeing me happy and in love made her feel like her world was complete now since she already has Jasper.

I cried onto my best friend's shoulder that night because if it wasn't for her, I'm sure I'd be dead and gone by now. If not from the suffering of my parent's undeserved murder, I'm sure it would have been by Mike's hand. I'm convinced he was afraid of Alice.

The more I've thought about it, the more I've read and rehashed the last two years of my life, the more I'm sure he is that type of guy that preys on women that appear weaker and more vulnerable; the kind of douche that gets off on making people cry and squirm. And when he saw me in the quad that day, he assumed I was weak, vulnerable and lonely. He never counted on my bond with Alice.

It makes me sick to think about what may have happened to me if I didn't have her. It makes me cry to think about who else he may have gotten to.

Dinner with Edward, Jasper and Emmett is like dinner with Alvin, Simon and Theodore respectively. Edward, or Alvin, and Emmett, aka Theodore, are always into something and Jasper, or Simon, is always trying to reign them in. Though Jasper gets in there with the best of them.

Jokes and cursing and crude humor abound. Emmett even throws a fry at Edward's head, saying it's the only piece of food he can spare on his plate after Edward tells a story about walking in on Emmett masturbating to a picture of Rosalie when they were on a trip for Spring Break in college. I guess that was when they had broken up or something. Emmett says Edward got it all wrong and that he was jerking off to a photo _and_ a voicemail. Gross.

Ten burgers later (one for me and Alice, two for Jasper and Edward and four for Emmett), dinner is over and Emmett pretty much runs out the door, shouting that he has a date with his iSight cam, which Edward explains means that Em and Rose are going to have webcam sex. Alice and I go upstairs after Edward and Jasper insist on cleaning up the kitchen.

I take a shower and change into a pair of shorts and a tank top and of course my fuzzy teal and white striped socks. I stand in front of the mirror and stare at myself for an immeasurable amount of time. I'm nervous, but more so because I think he won't go along with my idea than because I don't have the nerve to go through with it.

With a big sigh, I pull the door open and head downstairs just as Jasper is heading up.

"Go get him, tiger," he says as he walks past with a huge smile and I laugh. "Edward's in the living room." He places a kiss on my forehead and I practically skip down the stairs.

Edward's already got a movie on and he's lounging on the couch. I step up to him and he leans back length wise, offering me the space between his legs. It's so different from Mike. With Mike, we almost always had a gap of space between us. With Edward, we're always touching. Now that I have Edward, it's easier to understand why Alice spends more time sitting in Jasper's lap than in her own chair. When Edward isn't near me, my fingers twitch to touch him and my skin calls for him to touch me. An undeniable need.

Throughout the movie, there's kissing and heated touching. I'm hoping that we both get worked up enough to take things just a little further tonight. I love kissing Edward. God knows I love it more than rational thought should allow, but I do and I'd never give it up. But if kissing him and being kissed by him is only a fraction of what being with him promises, I want to experience more. I run my fingers up and down his arms, trying to gain the courage to push them down further.

Linking his fingers with mine, I push them into the waistband of my shorts while biting on his bottom lip the way I know he likes. Lost in the moment, he lets me, but when I untangle our fingers, he stops. Everything. I look up at him timidly and his eyes are full of a battle between what he wants and what he thinks is right. I have to get him to see that they are one and the same. I gather up all the courage I have.

"Please, Edward. Try."

He closes his eyes for a moment and I lean up slightly and kiss his chin, his jaw, his neck and continue to trace circles on his arms. With a resigned sigh, he allows his hand to continue slowly. I think he's just waiting for me to freak out again. I won't. I'm determined not to.

I lay perfectly still as his fingers make contact with my slick skin and Edward let's out a low groan as I hear his head fall back against the arm of the couch. His hand stills for a moment and we lay there. A shuddered breath breaks through my lips and I feel my body release the tension I had been holding. As if he senses my ease, his fingers gently trace my skin, parting my folds more and reaching my sensitive clit. I moan at the contact.

One long finger makes gentle passes around my flesh as my excitement continues to build. His hand pushes a little further down and dips just into the beginning of my entrance and pulls back out, bringing more wetness with it.

"Fuck!" Edward hisses into my hair.

Two fingers find my clit, laying on either side and I turn my head slightly and catch a glimpse of Edward looking over my shoulder at his hand in my shorts. We make eye contact as he slips a finger into my pussy and my breath hitches. I'm startled by the deep want reflecting back at me from his green pools. His eyes dart to my lips and he moves forward in a flash, his lips latching onto mine with hungry passion. I moan into his mouth as he slips another finger into me, the added pressure feeling sublime.

It's like nothing I've ever felt before. My hips buck of their own volition, causing Edward's fingers to push deeper and my clit to bump against the heel of his hand making me whimper at the double pleasure.

His hand feels infinitely better than mine. I don't think I'll ever be able to get myself off again. Hopefully I won't need to.

He withdraws his fingers and I sigh at the loss while he swirls around my clit some more before giving it a light pinch, causing me to gasp and he smiles against my lips.

I nibble on his bottom lip before he deepens the kiss and simultaneously plunges two fingers deep into my pussy causing me to cry out in pleasure.

I realize my hips are moving in rhythm with his fingers of their own accord and I'm powerless to stop them. In this moment, it's me and Edward, his lips and his talented fingers. I feel my skin continue to heat up as the pit of my stomach starts to turn.

Edward's other hand comes around and rests inside my tank over my perky nipple as he plays with it. Rubbing, twisting, tweaking it, making my breathing more erratic.

The rhythm of my hips no longer matches his fingers as my orgasm is fast approaching and I'm dancing on the edge of impending bliss.

"Can you come for me, baby?"

His fingers twist inside me as he twists my nipple and all the sensations combined with his husky voice come to a head as the wave washes over me. He kisses me deeply, swallowing my orgasmic cries as my body shakes against his and he groans into my mouth.

The shaking subsides, but I'm like a pile of putty as I try to regain connectivity with the rest of my surroundings.

"You okay?" There is a hint of concern in his voice.

"Mmhmm."

I lay there for a while longer as I start to come down.

Not once did I freak out.

Not once did I think of Mike.

Edward made me feel this way.

Like I said, nothing is half-ass with him.

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A/N

Fate & Forgotten Secrets made it to the **FINAL Round of the TwiFic Indies**. I no doubt have all of you to thank. From the bottom of my depraved heart, thank you and a million kisses. I'd buy you all shots of Grey Goose if I could.

That being said, GO VOTE! Voting opens today (3/15).

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A note of apology: a lot of you know I've been sick lately. Like, ew, strapped to my bed, can't eat, can't sleep, can't work, lose 12 pounds in 5 days, my dog won't come near me sick. So I chose every spare moment of energy I had to write this update and I failed at review replies.


	33. Ch 32: Truce & Alliance

**A/N:**

A Rose is a Rose is a Rose. Yes, I have been quoting Gertrude Stein for a couple weeks.

I would be nowhere with this fic without my beta's cclore and PhoenixMP3.

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 32: Truce & Alliance**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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You know that guy for whom things just work out? The one that you love to hate because things just seem so easy for him and the world seems to bend his way? That's me. Well, it was up until recently. Now every fucking thing is all fucked up.

It's been ten days since my life started to spin out of control.

My mind is a fucking jumbled mess of bullshit that I just can't get a handle on and it's pissing me the fuck off.

Every day for more than a week, Jasper keeps pacing outside of my office door, coming in and looking like he wants to say something and then walking out. On occasion, he sits down and looks like he is lost in his fucking head. It's driving me so fucking crazy that I shut the door and lock his ass out. I can still see him pacing through the shadow that slips under the door. I have no idea what crawled up his ass, but I wish he'd get on with it. He's making me anxious; I have enough shit to deal with.

This morning, I got the most unexpected news.

As if the arson declaration isn't bad enough. As if I'm not already freaking the fuck out because they have no leads as to who the arsonist is. As if I need _another_ fucking reason not to trust anyone but the seven people who matter to me more than anything. As if I need the additional bullshit to push me in the direction of carting all of them, especially Bella, off to an island somewhere far away from the bullshit fuckery of the world.

I find out that Denise had a hand in Mike's attempt to abduct my girl. He tried to steal _my_ Bella and she helped him.

I fucking told Jasper and Emmett that she was no good. That something was wrong with that girl. I bet those fuckers will listen next time. I'll be so fucking glad when Leah gets back because I need someone in this place with some damn sense. Right now, the three of us are pretty much batshit crazy.

While on the phone with Jenks, I found out that Mike told his side of the story. Sang like a motherfucking canary. He'd been following Bella for months, basically since she left him. I already knew that, but not to the extent that Jenks explained.

He'd watch her at work, he'd follow her when she was out to lunch with friends and he'd watch us together. He told details of watching me kiss her in the rain, of us going to the movies and making out like teenagers. About the time that Bella stumbled on a pebble in the sidewalk and hurt her ankle, so I carried her back to the car. He would sit outside of her house and watch her movements in the shadows of the drawn curtains. My skin boiled as Jenks told me all that he had learned.

I'm amused to hear that he never told about Jasper getting his hits in, but I guess his issue is against me since Bella is with me now. I'm _not_ so fucking amused to find out he knew she was there unguarded because of that bitch Denise; she had been his look out for months. In fact, I _am_ downright fucking livid and I have a broken chair in my office to prove it.

Jasper and Emmett came in to see what all the noise was and I laid into them until my voice was hoarse from screaming about that shit. The looks on their faces told me they felt horrible about it, but I still can't bring myself to feel bad for yelling. I mean, fuck! It all makes sense - the dropped tray, the snooping, always being so fucking close to me, especially when Bella was around. The fact that she was absent all last week is just the spoiled buttercream icing on the cake. Now they can't find her. Fucking figures.

I honestly don't know how the fuck I'm going to tell Bella this. I want to tell her before the DA does, which I assume will be in the next couple of days. I'm not entirely sure how that works since there is more than one legal issue going on. And we have yet to determine if Mike plans to press charges against me. Jenks said I should know in the next day or two.

The state is pressing charges against Mike for trespassing, two counts of assault and battery, attempted murder and attempted kidnapping. If they can find Denise, she'll be charged as an accessory. If Mike and Denise are found to have anything to do with the arson, they'll be charged with that too.

I really don't give a shit what they give him, but if it allows him any access to Bella, heads will roll.

I try to tell myself that if Denise had never come into my life, this shit would not be happening right now. Deep down, I know that's not true. Mike would have tried anything to get to Bella. It doesn't make me feel any better that we employed a despicable waste of a fucking human being.

It makes me regret firing Lauren and letting Leah take that much needed, extended vacation. Seth has been accepted to start the spring semester at UW and as his sole provider, she needs all the rest she can get. I don't begrudge her the time; I just fucking hate the way all this timing is fucking us all over.

Fate hates me. It has to be fate. Neither Mike, nor Denise are smart enough to plan this shit so perfectly. It's like a divine design thing. Of course Mike was following Bella and my car happened to take forever to get ready, which had nothing to do with either of them. And they saw an opportunity and leaped at it.

It doesn't make me feel any fucking better knowing that if I had stopped to get Bella's candies or had been even a minute or so later, Bella and Alice might not be here right now. The sheer force of that thought nearly knocks the fucking wind out of my lungs.

And fucking Christmas! I feel so fucking terrible that my family can't take the long overdue trip to Italy because of my dipshit move to beat the shit out of that fucker Newton. The decision I don't actually regret, but I don't enjoy the consequences of it. I tried to convince my parents to go anyway, but Esme was not even willing to entertain the idea.

I haven't forgotten the last holiday Rose spent around Bella, which turned out to be _so_ much fucking fun for all of us. I'm really hoping to avoid a repeat performance of Rosalie's best bitch act, so I have dinner plans setup before Christmas with Bella, Emmett, Rosalie and myself. In public, no holiday pressure. I'm hoping to set some shit straight. I haven't told Bella Rosalie is coming because she'd likely work herself into a panic attack and I haven't told Rosalie because catching her off guard is the best way to get through to her.

Christmas is in four days and I have no idea what I'm getting Bella as a gift. I'd ask Jasper, but he's all fucking weird and shit right now and Alice can't keep a secret for shit when it comes to gifts. I did talk to mom and she said to get Bella something that comes from the heart, something with meaning. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean.

I thought the pepper spray was pretty fucking meaningful. You know, I care about her safety or whatever. I still care about her safety, but we're beyond _just_ that now. _Right?_

I can't believe with all the shit raining down around me, this is what has me the most frustrated.

It's our first Christmas together and don't girls usually like that sentimental shit? Even I think it's pretty fucking special, but I'm not going to tell anyone that. I know she's feeling down because even after all this time, the thought of holidays without her parents makes her feel fucking miserable and then the bullshit we're swimming in right now is not helping.

I try to ease the pain for her anyway I can, but sometimes I don't think I'm enough.

I don't like her sad. If I have to stay awake all night and talk to her until she drifts off, I will. It's not like I get much sleep anyway, especially without her.

Then Alice will say something about the "real Bella" breaking through the surface or that Bella is the happiest she has ever been and I selfishly think I have something to do with it. Alice knows Bella better than anybody, so when she says that Bella is happy, I believe her.

I have noticed Bella is less caged than I remember in high school and less timid than she had been when we first started to spend time together. I already feel like she's pretty fucking great, but she's become more and more vibrant in the last few months.

Little shit, like she wants to eat at one restaurant and I want to eat somewhere else. She told me once before that with Mike she just did whatever he wanted, but she feels more comfortable being able to tell me she wants sushi and not steak, as an example.

Or the way she stood her ground against Kim at Starbucks last week. I heard some of their conversation and Bella basically asserted her position in my life as being higher than the one Kim held, if you could call it that. And since Kim's position in my life was almost always on her fucking back or her knees, that makes damn sense. I remember that Sunday when I bumped into Bella at Starbucks and how Kim acted towards her. Bella's reaction then and her reaction now are almost polar opposites.

I don't understand myself right now. At fucking all. Let me explain that shit.

Usually, I'm pretty sex crazed. Probably no more than your average twenty-something guy. Hmmm...actually, probably more so. I don't really make an effort to hide it either. However, at present, I'm having absolutely no sex whatsoever; I don't think this has happened since I hit puberty, but for some reason, I'm only slightly bothered by it.

None of it makes any damn sense. The last girl I fucked was Kim, but thinking about her makes my dick deflate really fucking fast. Whereas, thinking about something as simple as Bella's smile makes me hard in an instant, which usually leads me to taking a fucking arctic temperature shower or taking matters into my own hands to relieve the pressure. I have never masturbated so much in my fucking life.

Speaking of Bella, I'd be a fucking bullshit liar if I said I've never thought about her pussy. In fact, I think about it all the fucking time. Seeing it, touching it, tasting it, filling it. Her strutting around in tiny shorts does not help the situation, but I think that was part of her master plan.

After that night, ten days ago, when she lost her shit after I tried to touch her, I decided that any physical moves made would definitely have to be her call. You have no fucking clue how difficult that is for me. There have been so many times where my body and mind have been at war with each other - to touch or not to touch. It's agonizing, but I never want to see her look at me with such fear again. I care for her too much to cause her any more unnecessary pain.

Though, when she laid between my legs in tiny shorts and basically seduced me, I was helpless to say no.

_"Please, Edward. Try." _

_All breathy and shit as she kissed my face and my hand was already in her shorts, a finger roll away from where it wanted to be. And how the fuck was I supposed to say no to that? _

_Fuck, I wanted to and if she was okay with it, I had already determined she could call the shots._

_I stayed silent most of the time, my mind in a free fall at how soft she was. All slick and wet and I'd barely touched her. That night a week prior still fresh in my mind, I didn't want to say anything potentially dangerous. And that shit was damn near impossible. _

_I wanted to tell her how good she felt, how responsive she was to my touch. I wanted her to hear it in my voice when I told her how badly I wanted to taste her, but I managed to keep a shred of self control and keep my mouth shut. _

_Her soft moans were driving me to the edge and I needed her to come before _**I**_ lost _**my**_ shit. She cried out and I covered her lips with mine to swallow the sound so Jasper and Alice wouldn't come crashing in thinking something was wrong. Those two have a fucking habit of overreacting. _

I didn't let her reciprocate and fuck knows I wanted to, but I couldn't. It wasn't about me. It was about her knowing I wasn't going to hurt her or use sex as some form of tool to make her compliant. No one should _ever_ feel like they are obligated to do anything sexual. In my mind, I determined there would be time for that in the near future.

"Jasper! Jesus fuck! You're driving me crazy with that pacing shit."

"Sorry," he mumbles through the door. The shadow flicking stops as he walks away. I really hope he can get whatever it is off his chest soon. Maybe I'll try and talk to him after this potentially disastrous dinner with my sister.

I try to get some work done, but it's pointless. I'm too stressed out. I want to see Bella, but she has a work dinner tonight and I also am not really ready to talk to her about the news I got today.

I get up suddenly from my desk and fling the office door open to see Emmett and Jasper both standing there.

I stare at them both and they stare at me.

I wish someone would fucking say something.

"So...booze?" Emmett asks. Jasper and I both nod. We all laugh a little and the tension seems to break as we grab our coats, lock our doors and head out.

_Eclipse_ is reopening tomorrow. I need a fucking drink.

**~F&FS~  
**

"Relax, bro," Emmett says as he claps me on the back, "If she gets crazy, I'll step in." I just nod. I'm sure it's not a matter of _if_, but a matter of _when_ my sister goes crazy.

Emmett and I are seated at a table in _Dolcezza_ - where Rose and I normally eat dinner when she's in town. Bella has excused herself to the restroom while we wait on Rose. I called ahead and reserved a small booth in the back, just in case Rosalie loses all fucking sense of decorum and this entire thing blows up in my damn face. I'm hoping the small shred of concern she showed for Bella's welfare on the phone last week is still on her mind to help her cement the reality that Bella isn't going anywhere.

Bella returns to the table and I kiss her lightly as Emmett and I return to being seated once she's settled.

"Why are there four place settings, Edward? Everyone we know is coupled and it's me, you, Emmett and...oh!" she exclaims as if she just figured out a difficult question. She looks down at her hands in her lap and I can tell she's fucking nervous now. I feel like shit for doing this to her.

"I'm sorry, baby," I whisper in her ear, "I didn't say anything before because I didn't want you to stress for days. She doesn't know you're here either."

"I...ok...I get that, but...I don't. I...look at me! She's going to rip me to shreds again. I didn't have time to change after work and my hair is frizzy..."

"Shhh. You look beautiful. Always fucking beautiful. There is nothing wrong with you." I kiss her soundly on the lips and she relaxes a little but not all the way. "It will be okay. I promise."

One way or another, it will be okay.

"Cute," my sister's voice breaks our quiet moment and I roll my eyes as I stand up to greet her.

Emmett and Rose engage in an inappropriate mouth-fuck kiss and Bella squirms next to me. When I look over at her, her cheeks are all flushed like she's embarrassed to watch. She catches my eye and I smile at her, which she returns and I'm glad to see some of the nervousness lift.

"Hello, Rosalie," Bella says as Rose sits down. Rose doesn't say anything, but gives her a curt nod. She looks at me and I glare at her, trying to express my distaste at her fucking display of rude shit. She just shrugs. This is going fucking perfect.

Dinner is kind of peaceful. As peaceful as it can be with the thick fucking veil of awkwardness sitting over the table. I already decided to fuck it all and just be normal. Normal including twirling a strand of Bella'a hair around my finger while we wait for appetizers, feeding her a piece of my porchetta so she can taste it - since she's never had it, and whispering all kinds of shit into her ear throughout the meal. She seems to ignore Rose overall and relaxes further.

I lightly tickle Bella's thigh and she laughs softly before reaching up in her seat and placing a kiss on my jaw. Rose lets out a snort and Bella snaps her head in Rose's general direction. She lets out a sigh and I'm about to say something when she speaks first.

"She can shove her tongue down Emmett's throat, but I can't even look at Edward without her glaring at me," Bella says out loud to no one in particular.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You have double standards," she says softly, but looking directly at Rose.

Bella is well...I never expected her to stand her ground with Rosalie. My sister can be scary, even to me and Emmett and we've known her forever. We've built a sufficient tolerance.

"Excuse the fuck out of me if I want to greet my boyfriend of _ten_ years, who I haven't seen in a month. I'm sure you can wait to haul my brother back to your quaint little bed to fuck his brains out."

Several things happen at once.

Emmett puts his hand on her shoulder and tells her to knock it off. Rose shrugs out of his grasp and he holds onto her arm again as Rose starts rambling shit off. A mix of Italian and English curses fly out of her mouth as Emmett quietly tries to get her to shut up. His face turning more red as the seconds tick.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Bella's jaw drop as my fists clench under the table. "We're not...it's not..." she stammers.

Rosalie goes to open her mouth again to spew whatever bullshit she has to say now, but I cut her off.

"Fuck! _Basta_! I will not have you upsetting Bella. _Vergognati e cresci! Sono maggiorenne e vaccinato! Porca_ ... I can make my own fucking choices. I choose her. So fucking find a way to deal with it."

"Gaaahhh... _Non si puo' mai ragionare con te_... Fine!" She shouts back.

"Shit, Rose. Can't you even try to see how he cares about her? Just look at them." At Emmett's request, Rose turns in her seat and looks at us. I pull Bella into my side and she rests her head on my chest as she continues to look down. It's like I'm trying to shield her from my sister's death glare.

Except Rose isn't giving a death glare. She's gazing softly and I'm startled by it.

"I just want you to be safe and happy. You're my baby brother and I love you." _Most_ of the venom in her tone has faded.

"I'm not a fucking baby anymore."

"No, but neither am I and that doesn't stop our parents from babying us at times. It's just our protective nature, Edward. I will always be protective of you until the day I die. Even then, I bet my ghost will be around to ensure you're still safe and happy."

I laugh because I know she's right. She's the kind of person to have unfinished business for all of eternity. "Alright. I get that, but when it comes to Bella you still need to back the fuck off."

"I'll try."

"That's not good enough."

"Okay."

_Okay_ as far as Rose is concerned, is a good thing. It's a progression in the right direction.

Rose kind of half smiles at Bella and Emmett and I have to restrain ourselves from laughing.

We manage to make it through dessert without incident and I can tell Rose is thinking. I just hope she's working on her attitude towards Bella. I really fucking hate repeating myself and if I have to have this conversation again, it won't be so nice.

We head out after Emmett and I argue over the bill and eventually decide to split it. Bella says she's going to the restroom before we head back to Forks and Rosalie moves to go with her. I stiffen and Emmett blocks me as I try to stop them or go with them maybe? I didn't really think that far.

"It'll be alright. Just let them go."

We move to get our coats, all the while I'm eyeing the hallway leading to the bathrooms and listening for anything out of the ordinary. I decide they've been gone too fucking long and I make my way down the hall as I hear Emmett mumble, "impatient ass" under his breath.

I'm about two steps from the ladies room door when it swings open and a smiling Bella and Rose step out.

"Shit, Edward. Did you think I was going to assault the girl?"

"To be fucking honest, yes."

"I have more sense than that," she scoffs.

"Not lately. You ready?" I ask Bella with a questioning glance between her and Rosalie and she nods.

Em gives Bella one of his bone crushing bear hugs, telling her he'll see her in a couple days for Christmas and she smiles at him. This is a typical exchange for these two. One time he squeezed her so hard, she had a bruise on her arm. I punched him hard for that shit.

What I don't expect is Rosalie hugging Bella and telling her something that makes her laugh. I live in the motherfucking Twilight Zone. Were we not _just_ fighting like thirty minutes ago? When she comes to hug and kiss me goodbye, I can't even process it, as I'm still staring at the spot where she just hugged my girlfriend by her own choice.

"Sir, your car?" The valet is waving his hand in front of my face and brings me back to reality. Bella, Emmett and Rosalie all laugh and I scowl at them as the valet helps Bella into her seat and I get into mine.

I can still hear Emmett laughing as we drive away.

"What was that about?" I ask Bella once we're on the road.

"Nothing. Girl stuff," she says with a bright smile.

I probably don't want to know. I've seen enough movies to know guys rarely want to know what girls _actually_ talk about. But I'm glad she's smiling about it and didn't come out of the bathroom in tears.

"So are you going to tell me what all that Italian was? What you and Rose were saying to each other?"

"I basically told her she needed to stop her bullshit and grow up because I'm capable of making my own decisions and I've already chosen you."

"What did she say?"

"She basically said I was being difficult, but then she realized I was right. Like that was ever really a fucking question."

Bella laughs, shakes her head and chooses to play the latest John Mayer album on the drive to Forks and we head that way in relative silence. She has this thing for Mayer; it's kind of cute. She always says it's not the way he looks, it's the way he sounds.

I listen as she hums along to the melody of _War of My Life_. It's all kinds of off key, but it's just one of those things...like, because she does it, it's okay.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Would you come with me to the cemetery tomorrow? I want to introduce you to my parents."

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**A/N**

I know, I know. You still hate Rose.

_War of My Life_ by John Mayer has been added to the F&FS Playlist (http:/www{dot}mixpod{dot}com/playlist/37581360) the lyrics can be found on the blog as well as the song.

**Translations**

_Basta_ = Enough  
_Vergognati e cresci_ = You should be ashamed of yourself and grow up.  
_Sono maggiorenne e vaccinato_ = (slang) I'm an adult.  
_Porca_ = (slang) Damn it  
_Non si puo' mai ragionare con te_ = It's impossible to reason with you.

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**


	34. Ch 33: Comfort

**A/N:**

This chapter is dedicated to Billy Burke aka Charlie Swan. Because...he's seriously just awesome.

cclore and PhoenixMP3 have been worked very hard over the last few weeks. Random 4am emails, pep talks to my fragile state of mind, suffering through my demands. I love them and they deserve kisses and gooey chocolate.

Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 33: Comfort**

**Bella Swan POV**

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_"NOOOOOO!"  
_  
"Shhh, Bella. Relax. It was just a dream. You're okay."

I fight through the haze in my brain as Edward pulls me closer to him. My body is shivering, but I'm not cold. I'm panting and I look down at Edward's arms and see red claw marks. I start to sob.

I'm so confused; the dream was so real. But of course it was. It's my life.

Edward tightens his grip as I continue to sob, tear after tear strolling down my cheeks and soaking my pillow. He turns me to face him and I bury my face in his t-shirt. Wanting to be closer, I push my hands underneath the thin barrier and grab onto his skin. The tears continue to fall.

The fog in my brain starts to lift as I float back to reality. It's Christmas Eve morning.

My sobs finally lessen and Edward leans back to check my face, but I hide it from him. I don't want him to see me. He has seen me torn apart too many times.

"Don't hide from me, _bellezza_. Please."

Another moment passes before I look up into his face. His expression is soft, but full of worry. I feel awful that I put that crease between his brows.

"There's my beautiful girl," he coos in a tender tone as he brushes hair from my face and kisses my forehead. He smiles and my heart skips a beat. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I half nod, half shake my head. I guess I can't decide what I want. But this is Edward and he makes me feel so safe and content.

"It's my parents. I...it's the nightmare of my life the night they were murdered. All I saw and heard. Things I don't really remember. Being found by the police as a crumpled heap clinging to my dead father's body." Edward tightens his grip some more. I welcome the pressure against my crawling skin.

"You miss them." It's more of a statement than a question, but I nod anyway. "Does the idea of seeing them today make this worse for you?"

"No," I mumble, "uhm...I think about them all the time. Ya know? It's just that some times are worse than others. Summer is awful because that's when...I..when they...that's when it happened. Dates like birthdays and anniversaries are really tough because they mark another year of them being gone. And Christmas might be the hardest time. You know how Ali is about Christmas?"

"She's a fucking tyrant."

"Well, Renee was worse and I loved it! Sometimes I think that Alice is the way she is because I lost my mother and she tries to make up for that all the time; especially at Christmas."

"I can't imagine anyone being fucking worse than Alice. Even my mom isn't that bad about all this Christmas shit."

"Trust me. One Christmas, she made dad cut down our own tree. It was a disaster, but he couldn't resist her smiles in the glow of the lights. I'm surprised I remember that. She made us go to all of the local and not-so-local tree lighting ceremonies. And you know those cookie Christmas clubs?"

"Esme runs one of those. So yeah."

"Renee went overboard. She joined a _few_. Our kitchen was always overrun with cookie sheets and I was always covered in flour."

Edward laughs, "I would have loved to have seen that. I've seen you with misplaced flour. It's fucking cute." My cheeks start to warm. Sometimes the things he says...

"The worst part is that she would usually get the recipes all mixed up and instead of, say, peanut butter fudge trees, she'd get raspberry and peanut butter balls. It was a mess, but it was always so much fun."

I feel myself starting to relax a little and I know it's a mix of remembering my parents in this positive way and the soothing quality that Edward possesses over me.

"What else?" he asks.

"Uhm...Oh! Christmas music, or holiday tunes as she preferred to say, started on November first and ran through Three Kings day in January. It was important to her to incorporate other cultures as well. The Christmas before they died was the year I learned that Santa Claus wasn't real. I was devastated! They let me stay up late on Christmas Eve since I didn't believe in Santa anymore; they figured I wouldn't have to worry about seeing him. Daddy had his fat friend Waylon shimmy down the chimney in a Santa suit. Although I knew he wasn't really Santa, I laughed so much and had such a great time that I forgot all about how sad I was."

"Your parents sound like great people. I wish there was a way to bring them back for you. I'm sure they loved you very much." He rubs a hand over the skin of my lower back, sending fiery jolts to my nerves.

"I miss my daddy so much. He would have given you such a hard time; I know it. But only because deep down he really likes you. He used to always say, 'Bells, don't give your heart to just any old yahoo with a big smile.' And mom, well, you would have charmed the pants right off of her."

"Uh...there's only one Swan's pants I'm interested in," Edward laughs as his hand travels down my thigh.

I bury my face into his chest. "You'll still come with me today?"

"Of course, baby. Anything you want. It's fucking early as shit. I think you should try to get some more sleep. You know once I bring you back to Alice, your life is pretty much over."

We both laugh as he shifts onto his back and pulls me up to lay against him. I can feel his hardness underneath me and I sigh quietly. Edward doesn't say anything, but I can tell he knows that I know about the massive rod resting between us.

I've been trying to work up the nerve to become physical with Edward again for nearly a week. Ever since that evening on the couch, my mind oscillates between the grief and anxiety over what I've been going through, and the horny need to have him touch me and to touch him - finally.

I know what he's doing. Even if I hadn't talked to Ali about it or if Jasper had not told me that Edward doesn't want to pressure me, I would have known.

He's giving me the space and time to be okay with a physical relationship and letting me take the lead. Earlier this week while Alice and I were Christmas shopping, she suggested I do just that. I definitely choked on my vanilla latte.

While I do appreciate not having sex forced on me or having a cock thrust down my throat all the time, I simply have no idea _how_ I'm supposed to take the lead. I really do wish he would take some control. I know he won't hurt me. I wish I could make him see that.

**~F&FS~  
**

The ride to the cemetery is eerily silent. It's mid-afternoon and the sun has started to hit the other side of the sky. Edward and I spent the morning together. We had a leisurely, late morning breakfast at the Forks Country Club, courtesy of his dad's membership, and then I went with him to see a man about a gift for Emmett.

The gift turned out to be some customized hunting gear since one of the things Emmett does is go hunting with his dad and uncle. They never actually shoot anything, but go just for sport I guess. Edward started to explain the details of the customization to me and once my eyes glossed over, he just laughed before kissing me soundly.

It's a ride I've done a million times and one I will do again in less than twenty-four hours as part of my Christmas tradition with the Brandons. Only Alice really knows how often I come here. She's found me asleep at the final resting place of my parents more times than I can count.

Edward drives as I guide him through the winding paths of the cramped Forks cemetery. Small population, but I'm sure every resident who has ever died is buried here and over time that adds up.

"Here," I say and Edward pulls to the side of the large grassy area semi-covered in melting snow. "We have to walk across the grass a little."

Edward reaches me just as I step out of the car and holds his hand out for me to take. I lace my fingers in his and push forward down the familiar path to my parents' graves. My heart beats loudly in my chest as we take the walk. I'm not usually this nervous and I wonder if it's because I'm bringing Edward to "meet" my parents.

I've never done this before. Not even with Mike. I asked him to come with me once and he blew me off. I remember standing in the living room of our...his apartment with two flower bouquets and waiting for him to come home so we could go. He never showed and I never asked him to come again. I guess it was for the best.

Charlie would not have liked Mike.

Edward is here. Right now. Holding my hand. He didn't bail on me. He didn't back out last minute. When I suggested I wanted him to meet my parents, he didn't laugh at the sheer absurdity of being introduced to dead people; and I know it's absurd. Instead, he's been driving me around all morning and waiting for me to be ready for this.

I stop suddenly when we reach the slate colored headstones and take a deep breath.

"I'll be just over here," Edward says as he attempts to drop my hand and move to the side, but I don't let go. "It'll be alright. I just want to give you the space you need. Look, five feet away. Promise."

Reluctantly, I let go of his hand and I feel really stupid because it's not like I haven't been to this same spot a million times over the years. It's not like I haven't been here before by myself. Hell, I've slept on this very ground, cried into the grass, vomited by the tree whose leaves always seem to burn a fiery color a few feet away, screamed into this very air.

So why now do I feel so...off?

I move forward and place the flowers in front of the tombstones, brushing aside some yellow, winter grass and bits of snow as I do.

"I miss you," I say to stones that can't talk back. "Every day, I wish you were still here. I've been through so much and I wish you were around to give me some of your sage advice, daddy. Mom, I wish I could just sit in your lap while you stroke my hair and hum me to sleep. Then again, if you were around, I bet I wouldn't be going through this mess with Mike at all. Daddy would have shot him ages ago." I laugh at my own statement.

"Sometimes, when I'm sad, I can feel you with me. I still hear the sound of your laugh, mom. And I remember how dad's mustache used to tickle my cheek when he kissed me. Do you remember our last Christmas together? I really wish the snow would fall like that day. Do you remember how you got me the pretty pink bike I had been wanting ever since that day in the toy store when we were getting a gift for Jane's birthday? I was such a brat that day because I didn't want to go to Jane's party. Then I saw the bike and rode it around the store and forgot all about not wanting to go.

"On Christmas day, when I came downstairs, my bike was there in front of the fireplace with a giant silver bow. Daddy took me outside to ride it in my pajamas, but not before mom shouted for me to put my coat and boots on. When we got outside, it was snowing! That was the best Christmas. I miss you guys so much. Every Christmas since has been so hard. I know I tell you this every year. You must be tired of hearing me repeat myself."

I trace my fingers along the letters of their names in silence for a few moments. I take a deep breath and look over my shoulder to see Edward watching me as he leans up against the tree. The sun catches his bronze hair as it starts its descent from the sky and it's like a fiery dance as it shifts in the wind. He smiles at me lazily, making my heart sweel and I turn back to my parents.

"So...I met someone. _The one_. Maybe you know him already. Hold on a sec." I walk over to Edward and reach for his hand, which he willingly gives as he stands from the tree and comes closer. He kisses my knuckles as I walk him back to where I was just standing. I feel the butterflies in my stomach flap their wings.

"Mom, daddy, this is Edward Cullen."

"Nice to meet you, Chief Swan, Mrs. Swan," Edward says with a small head bow. I just smile. He doesn't look embarrassed at all about talking to grave stones. I look at him and I start to feel more at ease as I lean into his side.

I share a few stories with my parents about the last few months with Edward. He interjects a few times when he thinks I got the details wrong or has an additional insight into how things happened. We're both smiling the entire time and I really wish we were sitting in my parents' living room, Charlie cleaning his shot gun and Renee fidgeting with her latest attempt at crafting - the cross stitch, instead of standing here in a cold and depressing cemetery.

"We should get going. Ali will be upset if Edward doesn't have me back by five." I pull away from Edward a little and move just a tad closer to my parents' tombstones.

"I love you. So much. I think about you every day. See you tomorrow." I kiss my fingers and lay them across their tombstones in a silent gesture of love.

I move back to Edward's side as a single tear rolls down my cheek and he brushes it away with the leather glove he's put on.

"What?" he asks as he lifts my chin so he can see my face.

"It's just so hard to leave. Every time it's like this."

"We don't have to go, you know? Let Alice throw her fit. She can be mad at me for all I fucking care. If you want more time with your parents, take it."

"It's fine. I promise. I'll be back tomorrow with Alice and the Brandons. I'm like this every time."

"Are you sure? We can do whatever you want."

I nod and turn to head back towards his car.

Edward is so great. I mean, really, just perfect. One day I will have to ask the fates how I got to be so lucky because I really don't get it. How often is a person lucky enough to find that one individual in the whole universe that just gets you, fits you, completes you?

Thinking about our day together brings me back to my bathroom chat with Rose at _Dolcezza_.

_"He loves you. He just doesn't know it yet," Rose said as she shut the bathroom door behind her and looked at me through the mirror._

__

Her voice broke me from my thoughts and caused me to jump a little. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, I shook my head in denial and then looked down at the sink.

_"He does." _

_"How do you know?"_

_"He looks at you the same way my dad looks at my mom. It's plain as day now that I've actually taken a minute to pay attention."_

_"Oh. So what do I do?"_

_"Nothing. Trust me. I'm sure you've realized that Edward marches to the beat of his own marching band, so just let it run it's course."_

_"Uhm...thanks?"_

_"You're welcome. Hey, listen, for what it's worth, I'm sorry." Edward has told me time and time again that Rose is just who she is, but at least she is honest. Looking at her in the bathroom, I understood what he meant. _

_I don't like the way she has treated me. It was rude and hostile, but at least I can see it comes from a good place. I could also tell that her apology was sincere. She didn't have to apologize, but she did._

_"That means a lot. I want Edward in my life and I can't have him without you. It would have been hard on him. Selfishly, I wouldn't have been able to let him go."_

_"I know. And that's what inevitably got me to this point."_

_"He loves you, ya know? Your opinion means a lot to him." Rosalie nodded._

_"Yeah, well. When he put food coloring in my shampoo when he was thirteen, I would have begged to differ with you. My hair was green for a week!"_

"What's got you all smiles?"

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"Uh huh. That's obvious. About?"

"Did you really put hair dye in your sister's shampoo when you were thirteen?"

Edward laughs, "Is that what you girls talk about in the bathroom? Little brother antics?"

"Well...some of it, yes. I think it's funny. Emmett and Jasper are the closest things I have to brothers and I doubt they'll be putting hair dye in my shampoo."

"Don't put it past Emmett."

We both laugh as Edward heads toward my house to drop me off.

**~F&FS~  
**

"Earth to Bella. Come in Bella." My gaze focuses on Alice, who is waving her hands in front of my face. "There you are. Where did you go?"

"Huh? Oh, nowhere. I'm tired. I slept...or didn't actually at all last night."

"Nightmares? I didn't hear you or I would have come."

"No. I mean I didn't sleep. I was afraid and just so...drained. So I was up. I did some reading, but couldn't really focus. So I went over the bio and package for this new author I'm assigned to."

"You work too much."

"Hello pot, meet kettle." We both laugh as we walk into the living room with her parents.

In truth, I had a hard time sleeping because I missed Edward and I am stressed out to the max. Alice and I slept at the Brandon's last night, as is Christmas tradition. Well, to be honest, this is the first year where the Brandon's home has not been ours as well.

Before Edward dropped me off last night, we had a conversation. A conversation that I knew neither one of us wanted to have. Between my conversation with the District Attorney's office and Edward's conversation with Jenks, I now know that Mike is a disgusting pervert who has been following my every move for the last three and a half months. I know that horrible girl, Denise, was his pawn. I bet he used that same all-American boy charm on her.

Alice was livid to learn that my shoes were ruined by the tray dropping incident that night at _Eclipse_ and it wasn't an accident. I could tell it was a cover for her fear about everything that has happened, but as usual, she didn't want to freak me out by freaking out.

I also know that Mike is no longer in the hospital and has been released into parental custody. Instead of being held in a cell where animals belong. I tried so, so hard to keep it together after I found out. And I did keep it together, until I had to say it out loud and then...well, the damn broke.

Edward held me as I cried. He was so sweet, whispering to me that it would be okay and he won't let Mike hurt me again. That he would take me away, anywhere I wanted to go. That he would stay with me until I sent him away. Sleep next to me as long as I needed him to.

I made him go, even though I wanted him to stay. I grew up in the Brandon's home; it's my home too. It's safe and I love them. I was not going to ruin everyone's evening by insisting my boyfriend stay with us. No matter how much I just needed him in that moment.

So I laid in my old bed in my old room, cloaked in a menacing darkness and stared at the ceiling. Alone with my own thoughts as the canopy above surrounded me, I felt pain and grief at the hurt of losing my parents; still mourning their loss as though it had only just happened. Still wanting justice for lives taken too early.

I shed tears at the bitterness left from what Mike had done to me; scared that he would get to me again, feeling almost powerless to do anything to stop him. Hatred towards myself because for a brief time after that night, I actually considered going back to that asshole. I now realize that was an errant thought out of grief for the loss of something I hoped for, but didn't actually exist.

I felt peace with Alice and the rest of my friends. My own little family and how we have grown and hope for many more years together. I smiled at the love I have towards Edward.

A love that one dreams about, but rarely finds. An almost complete love, just waiting on him to close the gap. A love that allows you to flourish and not wither, thrive and not just sustain. A true and pure love. Foul mouthed, smart, anal retentive, talented, giving, loyal, unpredictable, sexy as hell, high strung _and_ laid back. I love it all.

I couldn't get my mind to turn off and by the time I thought to reach for my ambien, it was four in the morning and we had to get up for breakfast and then our family trip to the cemetery.

We've been back from the cemetery for a little while now and are about to exchange gifts. It was our normal Christmas morning trip to my parents' graves that we've been doing ever since my first Christmas without them. Renee and Charlie were very close to Randall and Claire Brandon and Alice spent just as much time at my place as I did at hers. We really were like a close-knit family. I think the Brandons miss them as much as I do sometimes.

After paying our respects, we had a light lunch in the Brandon's dining room and played catch up. I really do love Claire and Randall, mostly because, thanks to them I have Alice, but they are genuinely great people. A little closed off as they are so engrossed in their work, but still good people with great hearts.

Alice and I had an oil painting of us commissioned for her parents. They had a few of us already from younger years but haven't had a more recent one since we moved away for school and we both agreed this would be a great gift this year.

The Brandons, always luxuriously impractical, give us both a set of pearl drop, diamond earrings. Alice's are canary yellow and mine are black diamonds. Randall felt we were at the age for finer jewelry as "mature young women of the world" and Claire says that the color diamonds were picked based on our own similar tastes; Alice tends to go for eye catching where I usually stick with classic coloring. See, great people with great hearts. Their gifts are always like this.

I give Alice her gift, which she sort of had an idea of what it is because she's just insane about presents. It's like she has a super sniffer, detector for anything wrapped.

But she still squealed like a fan girl when she opened the box to reveal the Burberry bag I knew she had her eye on for the last couple of weeks. I kept watching her to make sure she didn't buy it herself because that's how she is. I figure it's a good thing Christmas came because I had just about one more week before she headed to Seattle to get it herself.

So now you know where Alice gets her gift giving skills from. She hands me a box. A rather sizable box and I groan when I see it. Alice can barely contain herself and I'm just waiting for her to run over and open the box herself.

I pop off the top to see several smaller boxes inside. I take out the first one and unwrap it. Inside is an Alice Brandon custom cocktail dress. It's gorgeous. I finger the fabric and note how soft it is; the light catches the material and it almost shimmers. I don't even have to ask, I know it's custom tailored for me.

There's another box with shoes to match and another box with a clutch bag. Alice is nothing if not thorough; she has to complete the outfit. Or _ensemble_ as she prefers to call it.

I pull out the final box expecting to find something else to compliment the absolutely gorgeous dress my best friend has created for me. Instead, I find a beautiful leather bound book with thick pages and elegant silver filigree flowers laid into the cover and a box to match. I flip open the journal and read the inscription on the inlet:

_**Bella,**_

_****_

My best friend, my sister. Because every cookbook author has to start somewhere.

_**Love,  
Alice  
Christmas 2009  
**_

Damn those traitor tears as they spill forth.

"Don't cry, Bella," Alice says as she scoots closer to me and hugs me.

"I'm not crying. I'm happy. I promise. I really love the dress. I don't have anywhere to wear it, but I love it. It's gorgeous. The journal is just...it's so amazing!"

"The box is to put your recipe cards in. It's such a pretty set and it made me think of you the second I saw it."

"I do love them. Thank you."

"Great. So get to work on that cookbook, missy!" Alice hops up from next to me and goes to marvel at her new Burberry bag some more.

It has always been a dream of mine to write my own cookbook, but it's kind of fallen to the back of my mind.

We watch _The Year Without a Santa Claus_, my favorite because it was Renee's favorite, and then say our goodbyes because we're having Christmas dinner with The Cullens and Randall has a flight to catch.

I can't help the nerves in the pit of my stomach as we drive to the Cullens. I know it's a mixture of things. Christmas without my parents, Rose, Edward's gift. I think Edward's gift has me the most anxious. I really hope he likes it. I think he will. Alice assures me it's perfect over and over, but I'm still nervous.

Dinner at the Cullens goes far better than Thanksgiving did. For one, everyone gets to eat their meal without a cantankerous Rosalie and a bellowing Edward. Although, I consider doing something to piss her off, to piss him off, to hear him shout in Italian again. Then I snap out of it.

She's actually being nice to me and I don't want to ruin that.

There are less people this time as Alistair and Kate have gone with Garrett to his in-laws for this holiday. I feel a tinge of sadness that I'd never have that holiday swap with my own parents and the Cullens. I almost smack myself for putting the idea of the Cullens as in-laws out there. Then I remember I have the Brandons and come back to planet Earth.

I spend most of the rest of the day in this cycle. A sullen thought or wistful dream followed by a reality check and the subsequent plummet back to the real world. No one notices my temporary slips into my own thoughts or if they do, they are gracious enough not to mention it.

After dinner, Carlisle ushers us all into the great room, as they call it, to hand out gifts.

Great room it is to be sure. Vaulted ceilings, luxurious furnishings, smooth hard wood floors. The size of the tree in this room looks like it was brought directly from the outdoors somewhere and I immediately think of the year Charlie cut down our own tree and I'm relieved that it makes me smile and not cry this time.

"So..uhm...I really just didn't know what to get the boy who has everything. I hope it's okay," I say softly as I hand Edward the package with his gift.

He smiles and lets go of my hand so he can use both of his to open his gift. I can't watch. I'm too nervous. What if he hates it? What if it's stupid? I turn and look the other way and catch the eyes of Alice and Jasper because of course Alice is sitting on his lap. Alice gives me a nod and Jasper winks, which only makes me more nervous. That means Ali told him what I got Edward.

I'm seriously about to freak out.

"Holy fuck!" My head snaps to look at Edward again. He looks...happy? He likes it maybe.

"Edward, please," Esme starts.

"I'm sorry, mom. But holy shit. Do you even know what this is?"

"No, caro. Why don't you share with the rest of us," she laughs.

Edward holds up the items in the package. "It's an autographed photo and a signed baseball from Edgar Martinez. Do you...just...holy shit. Baby, how did you get these?" he asks, turning to me.

"Uh...I get all these Christmas cards and things from friends of my parents and I was going through them. My dad was friends with someone who worked in team management for the Mariners in the eighties and I was...I had no idea what to get you for Christmas. And one night on the phone you told me about the game your dad took you to against the Yankees when you were ten, when the Mariners beat them for the division. And I know you don't play anymore, but you were so excited when you told me the story and..."

Before I can say one more word, Edward is kissing me. A hard and deep kiss and I can't help but to succumb to his touch and kiss him back. Someone in the room clears their throat and I force myself to break away from him. My cheeks are all flushed from the kiss and the embarrassment as I look around the room at smiling faces and Edward continues to explain the details of his gift.

The excitement dies down as everyone goes back to whatever it was they were doing before Edward's outburst.

"This is perfect, thank you," he says as he places a kiss on the space behind my ear and slips a box wrapped in pretty red and gold paper into my lap, "this is for you."

I look at his face and he's smiling; his eyes twinkle and I can't help but smile back. "What is it?" Don't ask me why I asked that. It's completely asinine as I can just answer my own question by opening the box, but it's the first thing that came to mind.

"Just open it."

My hands shake because I have no idea what's inside. I want to tell him that he didn't have to get me anything, but it would just be a pointless waste of oxygen. Like Alice, he is so very stubborn.

I slip off the paper, thankful that I don't get a paper cut because I'm notorious for doing that. Then I'd pass out from the sight and smell of the blood and ruin everything.

Inside, there is a deep blue velvet box and I flip the lid to see the most gorgeous charm bracelet I have ever seen.

"It's beautiful," I whisper. Just in awe as I examine it in the box.

"It won't break. I made sure they fortified the links, you can touch it," Edward laughs.

I finger the bracelet and trace the curves of each charm. A chef's hat, a book, a music note, an ice skate, an apple.

"All of these remind me of you. Of things you love or things we've done together and there's space to add more charms in the future."

"It's just perfect. I love it." I kiss Edward softly on the lips, careful to avoid any more embarrassing throat clearing. It doesn't escape me that Edward plans to add to my bracelet in the _future_. The idea alone sends my soul into a tailspin as hope wraps around my fragile heart.

"I have something else for you?" It's almost like a question. He sounds unsure as he closes the clasp of the bracelet around my wrist.

"What? No! This is already too much."

"It's never too much for you. Come on," he says as he stands up and reaches out for my hand.

"Where are we going? Edward, stop. What is going on?"

He says nothing but continues to pull me in the direction of the coat closet. He pulls out my coat and then his. I follow him and put mine on before he takes my hand again and leads me towards the inside door to the garage. I think I might kill him.

"Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Please? Can you _not_ fight me about this? Fuck, I love it when your all "take no bullshit", but can you just do this for me?"

I sigh heavily and close my eyes as he asks. We move through the garage, my hand still in his as I hold onto this arm with my other hand so I don't walk into something like Carlisle's Bentley, which I totally would do. We stop moving and I hear a rustle of some sort before Edward tells me I can open my eyes.

I open them and in front of me is a pink bike with a giant silver bow. I stare at it for an immeasurable amount of time as I try to wrap my head around the sight before me.

Christmas from eighteen years ago flashes through my brain. The last Christmas with my parents when I got my pretty pink bike with the giant silver bow.

Overcome with grief and happiness, I start to fall to my knees, but Edward grabs me before I hit the ground.

"Shit! I thought you would like this. I heard you reliving the story yesterday and I went out last night with Emmett and we found it and put it together and...I can take it back."

"No. Don't. Please...it's..."

"What?"

"I miss them and I'm so happy and you're just perfect. I can't believe you did this."

"So it's okay?" I nod as he brushes his thumbs across my cheeks.

I look up and he kisses me softly, but I want more and I tilt my head, parting my lips to deepen the kiss. His tongue snakes out over my lips and mine reach out to dance with his softly. I wrap my arms around his neck and he wraps his around my waist as we move impossibly closer.

I really could kiss him forever, but I need to breathe so we break apart, both of us panting slightly.

"Wanna take it outside?"

"It's freezing out there."

"It'll be fun. Just for a few minutes. I promise to keep you warm later," he says with a sly grin.

_I hope so._

Edward presses the button to the garage door and it starts to open as he moves back to the bike and removes the bow.

"Oh my god."

"What?"

"It's snowing!"

My eyes are wide at the sight before me as Edward pulls up along side me with the bike. I realize I'm twenty-three years old and being excited about a pink bike seems juvenile, but it's more than the bike. It's what the bike symbolizes. I don't think Edward realizes it, but he has given me the best Christmas since I lost my parents.

* * *

A/N

**Excuse me while I floss from the sugar in this chapter.**

**Thanks for reading**

**Xx**

Translations

_bellezza_ - beauty. is like observing someone beautiful.

_caro_ - dear


	35. Ch 34: Crossover

A/N:

**Amber (107yearoldvirgin) for your sage vote of confidence - xoxo**

****

PhoenixMP3 thank you for letting me borrow some eloquent passion - ily

**cclore my head cheerleader & Empress of the ego stroke - I puffy heart you**

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

**

* * *

**

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 34:****Crossover**

**Edward Cullen POV**

**

* * *

**

Bella fucking glows. No lie. She rides that pink bike up and down half the length of my parents' driveway and just laughs and smiles the entire time. Snowflakes fall softly onto her hair, but she's completely oblivious.

Watching her is just...fuck! It's just fucking amazing! E' bellissima e pura. La _mia_ Bella!

I'm just glad she's happy. When I heard her recall the story of her last Christmas with her parents, I knew I was going to be running around looking for a fucking pink bike. Who is crazy enough to do that shit on Christmas Eve? Me apparently.

Watching her now, I know I'd do that shit again.

I knew Jasper would be with his parents last night, so I didn't bother him. However, Emmett was fair game and I dragged him along from store to store until I found what I wanted. Who knew the fucker could tie a perfect silver bow?

It wasn't all that strange going to the cemetery with her. My grandparents are dead so I've done the whole grave stone chat shit. I wasn't expecting her to literally introduce me to her parents though. I just wanted to be there for her. Alice told me that some days when Bella visits are good and some are bad. I tried to just make it as easy for her as possible so it could be as close to good as fucking possible.

She pedals back in my direction, still wearing that huge fucking smile with her flushed cheeks from the cold and increased blood flow. As she reaches me, she hops off the bike, flings herself at me and I catch her.

"Thank you! Thank you, thank you so much! This is so perfect," she says into my coat and I laugh. I feel an odd tightening in my chest in reaction to her happiness. I don't think anything I can do or say at this moment would make it any better for her.

"Can you kiss me now?"

Clearly, I'm wrong.

I lean down and kiss her, pulling her tightly to me. Her cold lips press against mine and a groan escapes me as our warm tongues meet in the middle. I firmly wrap my hands into her hair and hold her to me, not fucking willing or _wanting_ to let her go. Not today. Not ever. _I'll have to work that out later_. For now, I just want to feel her. Just me and Bella.

That is until a fucking snow ball comes flying at me and hits me in the side of the damn head.

"What the motherfuck?" I look around to see Emmett laughing hysterically as he moves to make another snowball.

"Oh, shit. That was just classic!"

"I'm going to kick your fucking ass!"

Emmett hurls another snowball at me, but I duck and it hits the wall behind me. Bella shrieks and runs but is caught by Jasper, who tosses her into the small snow bank off to the side so she doesn't get very far.

"What the fuck is this? Some kind of mutiny?"

"Come on, E. It's just good fun," Jasper says as he moves to make a snow ball.

"I was having fun just fine before you fuckers came out here. Let's see how much fucking fun this shit is," I say as I pelt a snowball at Emmett. He yells out in pain.

"Fucking hell, Edward. Did you have to _pitch_ a snowball at me?" I just laugh at his whining. Luckily, I was only aiming for his arm. I should have aimed for his big ass head, but I might have caused him permanent damage. Then I'd fucking have Rosalie on my ass.

My back is to the door and Alice jumps on me and pushes snow into my hair, laughing hysterically. I reach around and grab her and toss her into the snow.

"Hey now, Edward! Careful with Tink," Jasper shouts from a distance. Yeah right! Like he was with Bella? Tit-for-tat, fucker!

The snow fight lasts for a little while longer and even Rosalie comes out for the fun. Eventually it turns into boys versus girls and let me tell you, those girls throw some serious fucking snow balls. Poor Jasper is going to have a fucking welt on the side of his neck for weeks!

Eventually we go inside and everyone needs to dry off. Alice has extra clothes in her car for both her and Bella, which even Bella finds odd. Like she planned this shit or somehow knew they would end up soaking wet and shit.

I let Bella use my room after I grab a change of clothes and slip into one of the guest rooms to dry off and change.

On my way back to check on her, I hear some squealing coming from Jasper's room and some thudding sounds coming from my sister's. _Fucking ridiculous_! I don't even want to know where my parents are right now. It's like a goddamn couples brothel!

Bella is sitting on my bed when I walk into my old room with her head bent down as she towel dries her hair. She flips her head back, letting her hair fly and then cascade down her back and I'm pretty fucking sure she can hear me swallow from where I'm standing. That simple movement alone is enough to make my already hard dick even harder.

I lock the door and Bella looks up with a smile as the lock clicks in place.

I don't really expect anything to happen that hasn't already happened between us. I do have every intention of making out with my girl like a horny teenager, which isn't too far from the fucking truth. This is the "Eddie Suite" after all.

"All dry?"

"Uhm...not really. Still wet in a few places," she says with a devilish smile as the tell tale blush invades her cheeks. It takes me a second to pick up what she's saying, but then it's like a light switch turns on.

"Like where?" I ask as I move over to the bed, taking her hand and she stands up. The towel she has on her lap falls to the ground and I notice she only has on a pair of those girl shorts, underwear thingies. I forget what they're called. And...I really don't fucking care right now.

"Here," she says, pointing to the spot behind her ear, so I kiss and lick it with my tongue and make her shiver.

"Bellissima..." I whisper on her skin as I continue to lick and kiss my way around her neck.

"Here," she says, pointing at her lips and I pull her to me for a deep kiss. I move so quickly that she loses her footing and we end up falling onto the bed.

I quickly shift so that I'm not crushing her and I lean on my side next to her to continue what the fuck I was doing. Bella throws her leg around my thigh and pushes me back so I'm laying flat against the bed. She crawls over me and I'm pretty sure I growl or something. I really have no fucking clue actually.

The kissing continues, frenzied, passionate kisses complete with heavy sighs and moans and clawing as our hands roam all over the fucking place. Bella pulls my shirt off and tosses it somewhere in the vicinity of my bathroom door. _Maybe_.

Then she begins to kiss down my neck to my chest; she even pulls one of my nipples into her teeth and yeah, I whimper like a bitch. Not my fucking fault if it feels good.

She runs her small, soft hands the length of my abdomen as she slithers down my body, kissing the skin in her path.

She reaches the top of my jeans and moves to undo the button, but I reach out a hand to stop her for a second. Fuck knows I don't want to, but I haven't completely given over to my dick yet and I have _some_ rational thought left.

"Uhm, baby? What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?"

"Are you sure?"

She nods. "I wanna see it. Please?"

_All rational thought leaves the fucking building …now._

Right. I'm supposed to resist the beautiful girl with the gorgeous brown eyes staring up at me, who has the perfect pouty lips that are just a sheer button pop away from my painfully hard dick? Not gonna happen.

I just toss my head back and give up. My brain can't win. Not that I want it to.

It feels like hours pass by as Bella pops the button fly in my jeans

I count the buttons silently to myself.

It feels like a fucking millennium blows by before she's tugging at the band of my boxer-briefs and I lift my hips to assist her. In reality, it's like six seconds. _I may or may not have fucking counted._

"Oh! Uhm..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, what?"

"It's...it's...pretty," she says as she palms my shaft and I hiss at the contact.

"Fucking pretty?"

"Mmmhm and...uhm...big," she says with a giggle.

Jesus fucking Christ. I have to fight myself not to think about what she's comparing my dick to because I don't want to be mad right now. I close my eyes to fight back the possession monster.

_Porn. Porn. She watches porn with Alice. That I can handle._

While I'm thinking about Bella watching porn with Alice, which is fucking equal parts amusing and disturbing, Bella starts to stroke me softly with increasing pressure. It already feels fucking awesome.

The warmth of her hand and the electrical sensation of her touch, I can almost _hear_ the feeling in the air.

I don't think it can get better and then I feel the warm tip of her tongue along the tip and look down to see Bella's head lowering as her mouth engulfs my dick and I think...well...I can't think.

"Holy shit," I groan at the feeling of her hot mouth.

She pushes my legs apart a little further so she can rest between them and then continues using her hand and her mouth in sync with one another, causing the most fuckawful noises to push through my lips.

I really hope I'm not an ass and can hold out because that would be really fucking embarrassing. I did rub one out this morning though, so that should help.

She sinks her mouth down further as the tip of my cock drifts into her throat and I feel my whole body tense and then relax, but then she flexes her throat muscles and my hips buck at the contraction on the sensitive head.

On an upward move, she gently presses her teeth into my skin and I think...maybe...possibly...I whimper. _I can't fucking help it!_ The shit feels too damn good for me to be embarrassed about it. Then she doesn't fully pull away but focuses on latching her mouth just below the head and sucking like it's a goddamn blow pop, swirling her tongue inside her mouth and lapping at the fucking skin. I know for a fact that a deep groan rumbles in my chest. To which Bella replies with a languid lick of my length up one side and down the other before plunging me back into her mouth.

It's a sick, sick, sick fucking game she's playing with me right now. I see the amusement dancing in her eyes when I look down at her as her head bobs up and down and her tight fist maintains the same tempo.

I can feel the tightening in my body's muscles and my balls. Fuck, even my eyelashes can feel my impending release is fast approaching.

"Shit, Bella. Move!" I shout down to her, but she shakes her head and tightens her grip as I feel the pressure of her mouth bear down. I warn her again and her eyes lock with mine and I see it.

I see...the...love she has for me. A wave of guilt washes over me and I try to push it back as her love is staring me in the fucking face and as she sucks just a little harder, the combination is the fucking end to my beginning; I can't hold it anymore.

"Fuck!" I growl as I come in spurts and Bella stills her mouth, but continues to move her hand. I fist the sheets in my hand as my head flops to the side and my hips still. The muscles in my thighs and lower abdomen continue to spasm sporadically as I struggle to get my fucking breathing under control.

_Shit. Fuck!_

I lay there for a second and Bella crawls up and straddles my stomach. I turn my head to look at her and the fire is still there. The fire, the passion, the want, the love, the pride.

I feel like an ass because I just can't give that back. I shake it off because right now, this isn't about me, it's about her.

I roll us over so she's on her back now and she laughs at the sudden movement. I look down at her as her damp hair is splayed across the fucking pillow and her eyes twinkle.

_Fucking beautiful._

"Can you show me where else you're still wet?"

Bella nods as her fingers start to walk across her chest and down her stomach; my gaze is heated as I follow their path.

They continue until they stop just at the top of those girl-shorts things.

I look up at her face and she's biting her lip nervously, no longer focusing. I think she's had about all the control she can take; my turn to take over. She's looking at me, hooded gaze, wanting... I lean into her, kissing her soundly and she sighs into my mouth.

"I'll take it from here," I whisper softly against her cherry colored lips and she nods.

With my mouth, I follow the same path as her fingers. Except I take a few short detours. Stopping first at her neck and kissing the soft flesh, licking at the goosebumps that erupt there.

Then I recall her fingers neglecting her perfect, mouth watering tits that I've only felt, not tasted or fully seen. I push up her shirt and I stare down for a second, but I guess I stare for too long because Bella moves to cover herself. I stop her, letting her know that I don't want her to hide from me. She nods, biting her lip.

I move my hand to glide softly against her chest, following the creeping blush on her skin as it travels down her chest, to her hardened, pink nipples and over the fullest part of her ivory skin. I can't lie, an image of vanilla ice cream topped with cherries comes to mind. Bella's tits look fucking good enough to eat.

I can't resist any longer as I lower my mouth to cover one of her perfectly pink nipples and she arches her back slightly off the bed as my hand gently toys with the other one. So responsive to my touch, they become impossibly harder and I can't not...I have to...I bite gently and she gasps.

"Please, don't stop," she whisper-moans as my head snaps up to hers to make sure she's okay.

I smile wickedly and go back to what the fuck I'm doing, switching my mouth to her other nipple. Sucking, nibbling, biting, and letting my hand travel down her stomach and up and down inside her thigh. I'm attempting to soothe her and just ease my fucking need to be in contact with her at the same time.

My hand brushes across her lower abdomen and onto her thigh and Bella's legs literally fall apart, leaving her even more open for me.

"Okay?" I ask as I move back to her lips to kiss her.

"Yes."

I slip a finger into the crotch her panties and groan against her mouth at the wetness fucking oozing out of her and her hips buck upward when I make contact with her clit. Her hands find their way into my hair and she presses my mouth to hers harder. I kiss her deeply as I continue to circle her clit with two fingers, until we're both struggling and panting for air. I look down at her and she seems almost dazed, but she smiles at me and I know she's okay.

"Hai un sapore così dolce..." I murmur as I go back to kissing and sucking her skin, leaving a trail of wet kisses down her body, stopping as I come to her hips at the barrier between us. I hook my thumbs into the waist band and look at her. She doesn't say anything but just lifts her hips for me to pull them down.

As I pull them down, I notice the tattoo that Bella mentioned briefly to me recently. It's a dark, crimson, bleeding heart with the initials CBR in the center, all connected with the B slightly larger than the other letters.

I don't even have to ask; I know this mark is an outward expression of the internal pain that Bella carries with her day after fucking day. A pain she tries so hard to hide. Just like this mark, tucked in a place that no one can see unless she shows them.

I look up at Bella and as our eyes connect I can see a sense of sorrow in them, tears threatening to fall over the brim and drip over her sexy lashes.

I'll stop this shit right fucking now if she wants me to, but I don't want her to cry. This is us and I don't want her fucking sad at all.

I lower my head and kiss the tattoo lightly and I hear Bella intake a sharp breath. Her hand ghosts across the tips of my hair as I can visibly see her body relax.

"Alright?" I ask as I look up at her and she nods with a small smile. I don't see a trace of anymore tears. I just need to be sure she's okay with me going forward. Honestly, I said I would stop if she wanted me to, but I'm so close to her pussy I can almost taste it and I don't think I can go anywhere but down. So I'm glad she doesn't ask me to.

Because if she did, I would have to find the fucking will to stop the insatiable need to devour her right here and fucking now.

I get her panties off and run my hands up and down her thighs before I spread them apart and I swear to fucking God, the sight of Bella's bare and glistening pussy staring back at me damn near fucking kills me. Dead right on the motherfucking spot.

I let out a guttural groan as her scent wafts through the air and I just have to touch her...I need to taste her. It's like a fucking drug calling to me. I want all of my fucking senses to be wrapped in Bella. Sight, smell, touch, taste, sound. All of it.

I slip a finger into her and she moans and digs her hips into the bed. I circle her clit with my thumb as I move to lay between her thighs. _Sight, smell, touch, check._

My tongue flicks out to take the place of my thumb and Bella gasps and then sighs as she takes a second to adjust to the different sensations. I lazily lick her just to drink her in and feel the sensation of her warmth against my tongue. Warm and smooth like the perfect brandy. Tangy and sweet like a delicious candy. And all mine. _Taste, check._

I slip another finger into her pussy and find a rhythm between my tongue and my fingers that makes her sigh, moan and squirm.

I push deeper and her hips jerk and then she moans loudly as my fingers have pressed against her tender g-spot. I think she likes it because her hips bounce again and I have to chuckle evilly, sending vibrations to her clit that make Bella gasp, "oh!"

I snake my free hand up and put some pressure on her lower stomach and I can feel her lower abs clench. I'm not allowing her much movement, but I'm increasing pressure where she seems to like it most. I wrap my mouth around her clit and I suck, causing Bella to writhe as much as she can. The muscles in her thighs contract around my head.

One of her tiny hands fists in my hair as the other dances across her skin that is now covered in the deepest fucking blush I have ever seen her wear.

I continue to press down on her abdomen, applying pressure to that sensitive spot and sucking even harder on her clit. I've only seen Bella orgasm once, but I committed that shit to memory.

So when her breathing comes in soft gasps and her body jerks against me with erratic movements, I know it's only seconds away. I thrust my fingers into her a few more times as I flick her clit with my tongue and her body stills for a flash of a second before she cries out, just like the last time.

Except this time, I can't cover her mouth with mine as it is otherwise occupied. So I get to hear my name escape from her lips in a breathy moan as her ass hits the mattress and she tightens the fucking death grip on my locks. _Sound, check._

I wait until she's completely still before I reluctantly remove my mouth and my hand and she sighs at the loss. So do I.

I look up at her, but she's completely fucking still. I crawl up the bed to see her face, but her eyes are still closed.

"Bella?" Nothing. "Bella? Hey, princess, are you okay?" She nods and then shakes her head and then shrugs. _Well if that's not fucking confusing. _

"I...I just need a minute." She pulls herself up and grabs something out of the bag Alice packed for her and quickly hops into the bathroom.

I sit and wait. And wait. And wait. For who knows how fucking long. I look out the window and daylight is completely gone. It's fucking late. I go to the door, but I don't hear anything. By this time, I've put my boxers back on and I'm about to bust through the door when it cracks open and Bella peaks her head out.

She opens the door fully and walks into the room towards the bed. I notice she put on shorts. She gets in the bed, but she still hasn't looked at me. This is not going well. Fuck!

She sits there while I stand and stare at her. She glances at me briefly and gives me a weak smile. I can't fucking stand it. We're getting to the bottom of this bullshit now.

I slide in next to her and she turns and pushes on my shoulders. Signature Bella, she wants me to lay down so she can too. She curls up to my side and puts her head on my chest and wraps one of my legs in hers.

"So...are you okay?" She nods. "What the hell with all the bathroom shit and sideways glances then?"

She's quiet. I'm not mad at her. Really, I'm not. It's just that if she doesn't tell me shit, then I can't fucking know. I can't fix shit and make it better.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No."

I tuck my finger under her chin and force her to look at me. "Baby, please. What?"

"That...what you did? To me?"

"Yeah?"

"Iveneverhadthatdonetomebefore."

_What the fuck?_

"Huh? Come again?" I bite back a chuckle, knowing what would have come next if Emmett were in the room.

"No one has ever done that to me before," she says barely above a whisper.

"You're fucking kidding? Not even?..."

"No," she says, knowing I'm asking about Mike.

"How is that even possible?"

She shrugs. "He always said a real man doesn't eat pussy."

I bark out a serious laugh. Bella's head flops around on my chest from the way I'm shaking from laughing. I laugh so fucking hard my sides hurt.

She sits up and looks at me like I'm fucking out of my mind. I wrap my arms around her, crushing her to my chest; I want her to feel how much she means to me.

I lift her face to mine and kiss her soundly on her gorgeous pouty lips. I pull away to look into her eyes as I say, "well I'll happily eat your pussy every day." Then I watch her skin blush as she gasps and smiles back at me shyly.

_"Come on, daddy, push me," Bella laughs as she sits on the seat of her bike. Except it's Bella as a child, and I'm watching her play with her father as her mother watches them from the open door._

_She squeals and shrieks as her father pushes her bike around the snow covered concrete, and he's laughing right along with her. _

_"You've given me the best Christmas, E," Bella says as she smiles up at me. I'm confused for a moment as I realize it's Bella now as an adult and she's twirling her charm bracelet on her wrist as she leans against the bike I got her. _

_"I'm glad, baby. You deserve it."_

_"I love you, Edward." Her smile is big and bright as she reaches up and touches a wayward strand of my hair._

_"I..."_

_"Bella? Bella!" I call for her, but she's gone._

_I see blackness. No colors, no shapes, no light. Nothing but blackness. _

_As soon as the sight registers I instinctively turn around to see a large mass of blond, almost white, fur rushing in my direction, gnashing it's teeth. I catch a glimpse into steely gray eyes and see the malice before me. I hunch down to try and move out of the way as it braces itself to leap in my direction, but it's no use. As the dog-like creature launches at me, it doesn't make complete contact with me, but it grazes my shoulder, cutting me with it's claws. I yell out in pain as the white mass disappears into the darkness past the door._

I wake up startled; my chest feels tight and constricted. I was having a fucking awesome dream about a beautiful girl. _My_ beautiful girl. Laughing, playing, eyes twinkling and skin flushed from the cold. And then wolf-dog came.

The same one that invades my worst damn nightmares. He fucking came and wiped the smile off my girl's face and then she was gone. And here I lay, panicked and startled.

I reach over to feel her, but she's not fucking there. I open my eyes as I jump up and look in the spot where I know I held her all night. _Didn't I?_

Why isn't she here? Where did she go?

"Bella?" I call into the air. Nothing. I leap out of bed and head over to the bathroom door and peer inside. She's not there.

Jesus fucking Christ, why am I so freaked out? She probably just went to the kitchen to get water. _Kitchen_.

I head quickly to the door and fling it open. I practically hurl myself downstairs and down the hall towards the kitchen. I'm about half way there when I hear Bella's ringing laugh pierce the air. I move to the doorway to see her standing there with my mom, mixing something in a bowl.

A huge sigh of fucking relief escapes me as I look at them. At her. I rub my hand over my chest in an attempt to soothe the ache I was just feeling, like in the way you rub a bruise or a bump after a fall.

Bella must sense me staring because she turns to me and gives me a smile before it falters.

"Everything okay?"

"You were gone," I say as I stroll up to her and pull her to me.

"I'm sorry. I got up to get a drink because my mouth was so dry and your mom was in here. I offered to help her with breakfast."

I notice my mom giving me a look. The same look she gives me any time I have a nightmare. She always just fucking knows.

I tighten my grip around Bella's waist and bury my face into her hair, smelling her scent and easing my stress. _Fucking hell, the fear I was ripped with at the thought of her being gone was almost crippling. _

"Are you okay?" she asks, tilting her head to look at me.

"I am now." I kiss her softly and then stop, not wanting to be whatever-the-fuck in front of Esme, but don't let her go.

"What's going on?" Jasper asks from the doorway.

"Edward," Esme starts with that tone. You know the one, the pink elephant is sitting in the middle of the fucking room and I'm your mother so don't argue with me tone, "woke up _startled_ and went a little frantic looking for Bella."

Jasper turns to look at me and now I know he knows that I had a nightmare as well. Great. Now all I need is for the rest of the motherfucking cavalry to come in here and bust my chops about this shit. It's not that big of a deal. It was like two seconds of the damn dream. I was dreaming about Bella anyway.

"I see," he says with a half chuckle and Alice is right behind him, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"Edward! You could put some clothes on!" she shouts, attempting to shield her eyes.

"Sure thing, Ali. Just as soon as you learn to tone down those shrieks I had to listen to yesterday." Alice gasps and hides her head behind Jasper. I have never seen her embarrassed ever. And then my father walks into the kitchen and I know why.

Carlisle looks at me and smiles, that warm, fatherly smile. Then he shifts and looks at Esme and I squeeze Bella again. Almost as if to reassure myself that she is in fact fucking standing right here. I make eye contact with my father again and his look has changed to one of concern.

I look over to my mother and glance between them both. I realize there is no fucking way I can talk myself out of talking about this shit.

What the fuck am I going to say? The damn nightmare is back and I have no fucking clue why or how to stop it. How can I stop something that I don't even fucking remember how the shit started?

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A/N

**Thanks for reading**

**xx**

Outfits on the blog - http:/www{dot}snshyne{dot}com

Translations  
_E' bellissima e pura. La mia Bella!_ = She's beautiful and genuine. She's my Bella!  
_Bellissima_ = Beautiful  
_Hai un sapore così dolce_ = You taste so sweet.


	36. Ch 35: The Power of Words

**A/N:**

Nothing witty today, folks. I love my beta's, cclore and PhoenixMP3, and thank the fates for them every day.

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets **

**Chapter 35: The Power of Words**

**Bella Swan POV**

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I'm baking ridiculous cupcakes. I wish I was standing here in a state of bliss and happiness, but I'm not. Things are all...cattywompus.

_Cattywompus_, a word my mom would use when her cake baked unevenly, when she would somehow get a colored sock into the whites that had to be bleached, or when she got the days mixed up and if it wasn't for my dad, I would have missed more dentist appointments than a growing child should. What she lacked in structure, she made up for with one of the biggest hearts I've ever known.

Edward and I had our first fight. And not just a disagreement over watching _Transformers_ or _The Cake Eaters_, _Weeds_ or _The_ _Secret Diary of a Call Girl_. A real fight.

After over a month, close to two, of waiting, there was finally news about Mike.

He wins.

Waking up to my phone ringing two days ago, I never thought answering it would crush my world again.

I had been exhausted, and Edward and I were taking a nap; it just kind of happened. He was at my house helping me because I wanted to hang up a painting I got at the arts fair in Seattle with Alice the weekend before. Then we all ate Chinese and attempted to watch a movie. Emmett was on the phone with Rosalie most of the time, Jasper and Alice were all over each other and I fell asleep. I had a particularly bad nightmare the previous night and it was catching up with me.

Next thing I knew, Edward was settling me into my bed and crawling in next to me. I didn't bother to wake up; I just threw myself across his chest and continued to sleep.

As I reached for my phone some time later, Edward's started to ring and he reached for his. We were both in my bed, tangled together in a sublime state of sleep. It was a welcome change after my more than frequent nightmares during the holidays and Edward's strange behavior.

On the nights we shared a bed - mine or his, I would often wake up to find him not in bed with me. Sometimes he'd be in the bathroom, staring in the mirror, his chest heaving like he was struggling for air. Other nights, I would find him playing his piano or going over documents and things on his laptop. Whatever it was, it was not sleeping.

Then he was extra snippy, even with me. It hurt at first. I thought I might have done something wrong, or he was annoyed with me in some way because he would snap over the smallest things. One day, he actually shouted about me leaving a DVD out. Then, moments later, he was fine again and distracting me with kisses as I layered lasagna noodles.

For the most part, I could brush it off because Edward was just like that. He was never mean or harsh with me, and he never actually yelled _at_ me. Just fussed about things and got all irritated and then was calm a few moments later. It was like he needed to blow off some steam or something. Lately though, the little tirades had become more frequent.

One afternoon, Jasper showed up at my office and told me he was taking me to lunch. I love when one of the guys just stops by unscheduled and we hang out. So of course I went with him. It's Jasper!

We went to a small cafe not far from my office and idly chatted for a while over a strawberry salad and a Reuben sandwich before Jasper got into what he wanted to talk about. He asked me if I recognized any of Edward's behavior as familiar or similar to any of my own. At first, I was like, definitely not. Then I mulled it over and realized that he wasn't sleeping and it was messing with his disposition. I recognized this all too well.

The only difference is that where my lack of sleep makes me sullen and edgy and makes me retreat, Edward gets even more amped up than usual. It kind of makes sense because he's intense naturally and I'm more subdued. So it's like a magnification of already existing personality traits. I can't be sure what is causing the lack of sleep, but I know that has to be the reason for his awful moodiness. I have yet to be able to successfully address it with him.

Two days ago, I answered my phone after the third ring and listened as some nasally woman spoke on the other end.

"Assistant DA, Laurent Marte, calling for Isabella Swan. Please hold." I got up and stood at the foot of my bed, pacing as I waited.

"Isabella?"

"Yes."

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Mr. Marte said after a brief pause in the call.

"It wasn't long."

"Good, good. We have some news on your case. First, Michael Newton will not be pressing any charges." I felt a smile tug at my lips as a soft sense of relaxation came over me.

Edward would be safe. So would Jasper and anyone else involved in this mess.

I turned to look at Edward, but he wasn't smiling. He was frowning, the crease in his eyebrows evident. I mouthed "what?" and he just shook his head.

"What about Bella?" Edward asked into the phone as he pinched the bridge of his nose and then moved his hand up to stroke his hair.

"You see, Ms. Swan, Mr. Newton has information we need for a much larger situation," Mr. Marte was saying into my ear, "so we had to cut a deal."

"I'm sorry. What? Can you repeat that?" I said, snapping back to the phone conversation. I had spaced out while watching Edward and thinking about putting this all behind us.

There was a heavy sigh before he began again, "Mr. Newton cut a deal with us in exchange for evidence in a drug related case."

"I don't understand," I said. "What does that mean?" I felt sick to my stomach.

Mike was being let go. The terms of his release were that he was being sent to an undisclosed facility for people with sociopathic tendencies and drug addiction in exchange for information. Apparently, Mike was a coke head and I never knew. I lived with him. You thought you knew a person. I didn't know Mike at all. Though, in retrospect, this would explain how he was jittery sometimes and how he often would go days without sleep.

I didn't really understand the sociopathic tendencies though. Nor did I want to. The thought of it made the hair on my neck prickle.

I crumbled to the floor. _Drugs, needles, diseases, sociopathic tendencies_. I was terrified. Edward was at my side in no time.

He pulled me to him and I stared into his eyes; he was on his phone and I was on mine, both of us nodding and saying "uh huh" to our respective callers.

"How does this protect Bella?" He asked with an irritated edge to his voice. I assumed he was talking to Jenks.

Mike was turning over state's evidence to the DEA for his dealer. Apparently, the dealer was some important person in this larger scale drug ring. I really didn't care. Suddenly, my life became a cliche episode of Law and Order. Hopefully Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, because at least that was my favorite.

_They made a deal with the devil._

Catch one drug dealer, someone else would just take his place. What about my pain?

_Gotta love justice._

My shock converted to tears. My tears converted to anger. My anger converted to need, and I found myself crawling into Edward's lap. I kissed him hard, tears still streaming down my cheeks.

I found myself grinding into his lap, clawing at his clothes, grabbing his hair, his skin. I just needed to not be feeling anything else but him.

At first he let me. He let me kiss him and press myself into him in such a crazed manner and then he stopped me. Or he tried.

He tried to make me stop moving, but I struggled against his grip. He held my hands still, and I kept moving my hips. He tried to still my hips, and I continued to rip at his clothes. I tore his shirt before he finally managed to get control.

"Shit! Stop! Will you fucking stop?" He screamed at me. The tone in his voice scared me a little. Enough to make me be still. "I will not _just_ _fuck_ you, Bella. I won't let that shit happen. Not like this. You deserve more."

"Please, I want to," I almost begged.

"No! You aren't even yourself. What the hell has gotten into you?"

I crawled off of him and backed away. I didn't want to answer that. I didn't want to explain that I was hurt and just needed anything but the pain of Mike winning. _Take, take, take._ Couldn't Edward see that? Why couldn't he just know?

"Obviously not you," I said softly.

"What? Speak up, Bella. Say whatever the fuck is on your mind. I'm not a damn mind reader and you're not making any fucking sense."

"Why won't you fuck me? Are you repulsed by me?"

"No, baby. You are so much more than a _fuck_," he said, some of the tension leaving his voice as he cupped my cheek.

I pulled my face away from his touch. "Then why, Edward? Because I know you've fucked other girls with no problem. Do you want a list? Why not me? Is this why you don't sleep?" I barked, pulling myself to stand. Edward stood as well.

"You want someone else? You're sick of holding me at night. Tired of waiting? Well, here I am. I'm throwing myself at you, and you still don't want me. So what is it?" My chest was heaving with the weight of waiting for his answer. I watched as shock and anger rolled across his face.

"Do you really think that fucking little of yourself? Christ, Bella. Baby, what the fuck has he done to you? Do you really have such a low goddamn opinion of me? If you want someone to just _fuck_ you, Bella, then you need to look elsewhere. I won't do it. I won't do that to you. I'm not _him_."

"Yet, you're trying to control _my_ decisions just like _he_ did. I'm trying to tell you I want it. I want you. And you still won't!"

I watched his fists clench at his sides and his nostrils flair. He was angry and trying to control it. A moment passed before he spoke up again.

"You have no fucking idea what you want. You should see yourself. You're so fucking upset. You're shaking and your voice is all fucking high pitched. You can't even fucking look at me."

"I'm hurting. Just make me better," I almost screamed and snapped my eyes to look at him.

"Why, Bella? Because that shit has worked so fucking well for you in the past?"

I stared at him for a moment. He was pissed, but I was furious. How dare he bring that up. Rationally, I knew he was right, but I didn't care. The weight of his words, _sex equals pain_, was tearing at my soul, and I couldn't look at him anymore.

"Get out," I whispered.

"What?"

"I said, get out. Fucking leave!" I pushed at his chest and got into my bed, turning my back on him and cried silently as I listened to the sounds of him leaving.

I heard Alice ask him what happened as he stormed down the stairs.

"Fucking ask her," he growled.

I heard Jasper and Emmett tell him to calm down, and Edward barked at them to leave him the fuck alone.

I shook as the front door slammed and then heard the crunch of the stones in the driveway as he departed.

I listened as the hushed voices filled the downstairs before the door shut again and two more engines started up. Jasper and Emmett were going after him.

Then Alice appeared by my side. I told her to get out, too.

The memory of that fight still weighs heavily as I plop the wet ingredients for these cupcakes into the dry mix I just finished blending together.

I haven't talked to him in two days. I want him back. I miss him. I love him.

I can't believe I compared him to Mike.

He is and always will be more than Mike could ever dream to become.

I was angry and hurt and so was he. I didn't mean it; I hope he didn't either. Waiting for him to love me, for him to touch me, was starting to become frustrating and borderline painful. I want to know that there is more to sex than what I've experienced. He makes me feel _so_ good in so many ways. I want it to translate over into the most intimate of ways.

I want him. Always. Edward is very sexual. Everything about him oozes sex. I don't want him to feel like I've cheated him out of something.

After the fight, later that night, I got my period. I should have known. This requires an explanation.

When I was really little, Renee would have these fitful days. Sometimes it was tears and others it was anger. Nothing harmful, she might take it out on a potted plant or a brand new box of Kleenex.

Charlie would sit in his recliner, pick up his newspaper and before reading it he would say, "Don't worry about your mom, kiddo, Tom is visiting. I sure hope he never visits you, baby girl." Then he'd pat my head and turn to his paper.

I would always look out for Tom, but I never saw him. I thought maybe mom had an imaginary friend. I never asked her about it because there was a boy in my kindergarten class who had one and kids were mean to him. I didn't want people to be mean to my mom if they found out.

I figured it out years later.

_The summer between my fourteenth and fifteenth birthdays. Alice was at cheerleading camp. She had been gone about a week and I was so miserable. _

_Before she left, we had a huge fight. I told her that I didn't want her to leave and that she liked her older, cheerleader friends more than me, that she was replacing me. I cringe at the memory now, but at the time I was so scared of losing my best friend, my sister. The only person in this world that I truly felt I had left. Even though she would be gone for two weeks, it was our first summer spending any time apart and I hated it. Two weeks felt like an eternity._

_My therapist at the time said it was great that I was expressing outward emotion. I fought with her, too, called her a "hack." At the time, I didn't really know what that meant. I had just overheard Mr. Brandon on the phone one day. He was upset and called someone named Liam a hack. It didn't sound good coming from him, and it just came out as I verbally attacked my therapist. She just sat in her chair and smiled. I didn't like her._

_About a week after Alice had been gone, blood appeared in my underwear. No one was home; it was just me. I thought I did something to myself and I was scared. I started running through the house and gathering things like Bounty and gauze, but it wouldn't stop. I was sick to my stomach from the sight and smell of it, and I felt so weak and tired. I thought for sure I was going to die from the aches in my body. _

_A couple of days later, Mrs. Brandon was asking where all the paper towels kept going to and I ran and hid in my room. When she came to find me, she saw the empty cardboard rolls in my trash and asked me about it. _

_I remember crying that I was dying and I was scared. That I wanted to see my parents again, but I didn't like the pain and I wished it would just hurry up._

_I remember the panic on her face as she checked me over in my hysterical state to see what was wrong with me. When I told her that I had blood gushing out of me like a waterfall she laughed and when I cried harder, she stopped. _

_"Oh, honey," she soothed, "it's just TOM. We all go through it."_

_"Tom?" I asked._

_"Time of Month," she explained._

_In that moment, it dawned on me what she was talking about. What Charlie meant when Renee was violently taking the pruning shears to the ficus. I had heard a couple of girls in school in the last two years talk about getting their periods, but neither Alice nor I had yet. My naieve self had yet to make the connection._

_It eventually made sense to me that mom's moodiness was not an imaginary friend, but a rather unpleasant visitor that caused her suffering. Then I smiled at Charlie's nonchalance in dealing with it and how he was hoping I stayed his baby girl forever._

_Alice came home a week later and told me she got hers while she was at camp._

_We had a "sleepover" in her room where we made a bed of pillows on the floor. Alice brushed and braided my hair while we watched some of our favorite childhood movies. The Secret Garden, Sabrina and Clueless played in the background as we munched on overflowing nachos, Hershey bars and drank a lot of diet coke with cherries. Then we wondered why our stomachs hurt the next day. _

_It was like we never fought._

I should have known the fight with Edward was heightened by the PMS induced hormones. It's genetic after all.

Of all the things passed down from Renee to me, I got her irrational moodiness and penchant to attack those closest to me when my period lurked around the corner. Alice is used to it, but Edward is not.

She's so used to it, that she doesn't even blanch when I start shoving plates into the cabinet too harshly or argue with her about why she changed the scent of bounce again. It really is a far cry from my otherwise, mostly rational personality, which is something I get from Charlie.

I have no idea how Edward has been spared these last few months.

However, just because it was heightened, doesn't mean the underlying issue isn't there. Can you imagine sleeping next to a modern day equivalent of a Greek god almost every night and not wanting to have sex with him? I dare you to try.

The need is more prevalent for me because I love him and I want that with him. What I feel for Edward is magnified a million times more than what I ever felt for Mike. I need Edward to fully replace him.

So, yes, we have been intimate in other ways. His talented fingers and skilled tongue are wonderful, but I want more. I want all of him. I don't want pieces anymore. Between that and his irritability, it makes me wonder if maybe Rosalie was wrong. Maybe he doesn't love me and he never will.

I can't figure it out. One minute, I think he has my best interest at heart and the next, he confuses me with his refusals.

He told me he would stay until I sent him away. I did just that and now he's gone.

So as I stand here and stare at the cupcake batter in front of me, I am not even the slightest bit surprised at how awful my fight with Edward was.

Mike. I hate him. I am not a hateful person. I think if anything, I just ignore people. It makes it easier to coast. But I was more than coasting for a while.

I hate him!

I gave him so much and all he did was take from me. My virginity, my freedom, the small sense of self I managed to possess after years of living inside my own head, my time, my goals and dreams, everything. I. Hate. Him!

Now he's managed to snuff out the small sliver of happiness I found.

I stare at the cupcake recipe in front me, the words melting together on the page and really just not connecting with my brain.

Who wants to eat macadamia, raspberry, white chocolate cupcakes anyway?

I have a new author that I'm working with, a baker, Maggie Mullens. I'm about halfway through her book of _Maggie Mullen's Magnificent Munchies_, which has taken me longer than normal because I am not a baker. Sure, I can make a cake or a batch of muffins, but it's all very simple. This overly decadent stuff is a little harder.

My boss insisted that it would be a good challenge for me to take on and I readily accepted, even though it scared me.

"Need a hand?" Jasper's soft voice calls from the doorway to the kitchen.

I just shake my head and continue to stare at the stuff in front of me.

"How are ya, darlin'?" He asks as he steps closer to me and wraps an arm around my shoulder. I shrug. He places a brotherly kiss on my hair and I sigh. I'm going to crack. He always does this to me.

"I miss him."

"I know, sweetheart."

"I didn't mean it. Any of it. I was hurting and I lashed out."

"I know."

"What am I going to do?"

"You have to tell him, Bella. You know Edward is the most stubborn person on the planet. You sent him away, only you can bring him back."

"What if he doesn't want to come back? What if he doesn't want me?"

"He does."

"How do you know? Is he..."

"He's a truck wreck on the I-10." I smile lightly at his Texas reference. "He's spent so much time at Eclipse, I think Leah is about to kill him. He's driving everyone up the wall and he's being so ornery. More so than usual," he adds when he notices my sideways glance. "I'm sure he hasn't slept in two days."

"Has he asked about me?"

"Not specifically. He asks about Alice more than usual, and I reckon he's trying to get a tidbit about you. He checks his phone obsessively. Probably hoping you'll call or text. He has a new picture in his office."

"Oh. Of what?"

"You. It's from a couple of weeks ago when we were all at The Triple Door and Emmett was betting Edward that he couldn't take as many shots of Patron as him. I'm not sure who took the picture, probably Tink, but you're laughing as you watch them take the shots and Edward finished first."

I smile remembering that night. It was a fun night. Everyone was laughing and we were all care free. Edward was very playful that night. Tickling me, twirling me around, constantly kissing me, dancing with me to the live music.

He was so...charged that night. Whispering to me that he wanted to lick tequila off my skin and I would have let him, but Emmett and Jasper freaked out at the idea of me laying across a table, splayed out with tequila dripping off my skin as Edward used his tongue to lap it up.

Now, it seems like a ludicrous idea, but at the time, I wanted to throttle them for stopping him.

"Listen, I don't want to get involved too much, but you both are too important to me to watch this play out in the manner in which it has. So far as I can tell, it was a misunderstanding that got out of control. Lover's quarrels are par for the course. Ask Alice."

"I'm sure she never shouted at you to fuck her and then you reminded her that sex isn't a band-aid." Jasper cringes at my summary of my fight with Edward.

"No. We haven't had _that_ fight, but we have fought, Bella. The thing about fighting is one - you have to have passion to fight and two - the makeup sex is great. You and Edward have that passion."

"But we don't have sex." Jasper cringes again. As often as I watch him and Alice unable to resist each other, you'd think he would have an easier time dealing with sex conversations.

"As much as I don't want to even think of you two in that kind of situation, I have to say that you will get there." I laugh softly at the soft blush on his cheeks. He's clearly embarrassed by this.

"Thanks, Jazz. You always know what to say to make me feel better."

"That's what big brothers are for," he says before tugging on my pony tail and exiting the kitchen. "Call him," he calls as he leaves.

It's been a few hours since my chat with Jasper. I gave up on the cupcakes. I'll try again tomorrow. I stood staring at the ingredients so long that they started to separate in the bowl.

I'm laying in my bed, doing nothing. I put my ear buds in, but I'm not really listening to what is playing. I have a copy of _The Count of Monte Cristo_ open on my stomach, but I'm not even sure what page I should be on.

I look over to where Edward would be laying if we didn't have that overly dramatic fight and stare at his pillow. I gently let my fingers crawl over the soft fabric and sigh, wishing it was his hair or unshaven face when he's been too busy to bother with a razor. I absently roll closer to it, inhaling the dull, but lingering scent that is distinctly Edward and a small chill runs over me at the growing ache of missing him.

_Call him._

Jasper's parting words ring in my mind.

I was wrong, he was wrong.

_Call him. _

I pick up my phone and stare at it. _Just do it, Bella._

I slide my thumb to unlock the screen and press the green and white icon for the phone.

_Call him. _

Clicking the star for my favorites, I see his name right at the top and I take a deep breath.

_Call him._

"Alright!" I call out to no one but the nagging voice in my head. It sounds a lot like Jasper and just won't shut up.

I press his name on the screen, and it takes less than half a ring for him to answer.

"Bella?"

Despite the weary tone of his voice, I am bathed in happiness at hearing him speak my name.

"Bella?" I realize I haven't spoken, and I can tell he's getting a little anxious.

"Edward." My voice sounds breathy and exhausted.

"I'm sorry," we both say at the same time.

"I didn't mean it. You are nothing like Mike. I was frustrated, scared and hormonal."

"It's okay, Bella. I was a total ass. You don't deserve the shit I said to you. I still wouldn't have fucked you like that, but I shouldn't have thrown any of that shit you've been through in your face. None of that bullshit is your fault."

"I know. We were both upset and said some things. It was the stress of the phone call I think."

"Yeah. Fucking figures. King Douche strikes again."

"Sometimes it feels like I'll never be rid of him."

"Don't worry about Mike. He won't hurt you again. I fucking promise."

"Edward?"

"Yeah, baby."

"Can you come over now?"

"I'll be right there," he laughs before he hangs up.

I roll over on my back, look up at the ceiling and the doorbell rings. Alice isn't home. I'm here by myself. It can't be Edward. I just got off the phone with him less than a minute ago.

I pull on my hoodie and the yoga pants I had discarded on the floor earlier. I grab the pepper spray he gave me from my bag before I shakily leave my room and head downstairs.

The closer I get to the door, the more scared I get. My breathing starts to come out in short pants and if I don't get a grip, I'll probably black out before I even reach the door.

Even more odd is the combat going on inside me. Fear battles with peace, reason with emotion. It's exhausting as I press forward, no idea what is beyond that door, but sure it will either kill me or save me.

I stop about three feet from the door and take some deep breaths.

"Who is it?" I call out, trying to not let my fear show.

"It's me, Bella."

_Edward_.

I fling the door open to see him standing there in all his bronze haired, green eyed, unshaven, six foot two inches of perfectly chiseled glory and a huge smile breaks on my face.

"How did you get here so fast?"

"I've been here all night, Bella," he gestures towards his car, and I see his Mercedes in the driveway.

"You've been sitting in your monster mobile?"

"Yeah," he says almost sheepishly.

"Are you stalking me, Edward Cullen?" I ask as I gesture for him to step inside.

"Definitely not. I'm making sure no other sick fucks are stalking you."

"That's too bad. I kind of like the idea of you stalking me."

"Do you now?" He's very close now, I can feel his body heat.

"Mmhm."

"Does a stalker get a kiss?" He asks with that sexy as hell grin of his.

"Sure. But I don't see any of those around here. So I guess I'll keep my kisses to myself."

"I officially change my status. Ask me again."

"Are you stalking me, Edward Cullen?" His face is really close to mine, and my breathing is shallow as he leans in closer.

"You bet your sweet ass I am," he says, pulling me to him so our bodies are flush.

"Then come get your kiss."

Edward closes the gap between our faces and captures my lips in his. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean into the kiss as his tongue brushes across my bottom lip. I want him so badly, but right now, that doesn't matter. Right now, all that matters is he's here and I'm in his arms. We're going to be okay.

"Seriously, why are you here?" I ask, breaking the kiss.

"I knew Alice was out tonight with Jasper. There was no fucking way I was leaving you here unprotected. I know you sent me away, but fuck that. I figured if you didn't know I was here, it would be okay. If you saw me, oh fuck it! Well... I had to keep you safe."

The conviction and warmth in his eyes startles me and for a split second, I think that maybe Rosalie is right. Then he blinks and it's gone. I don't want to think about it now. I want sleep. In my bed, in his arms and then to wake up and make french toast.

"I'm tired."

"Lead the way, princess."

We head upstairs to my bed; Edward strips down to his boxer briefs, and I slip off my hoodie and my yogies, leaving me in a tank and boy shorts. He crawls into bed and I slide in, curling into his side and resting my head on his chest.

"I missed you," he says, brushing my hair off of my face and stroking my shoulder.

"Me, too," I say with a yawn as I throw my right leg over his left. "I love you," I whisper before I quickly fall asleep. Safe, warm and comfortable in Edward's arms.

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A/N

Drama + fluff = happy readers? Yes?

DEA - Drug Enforcement Agency

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**


	37. Ch 36: Beneath the Surface

**A/N:**

**In this world, a person is lucky to have ONE true friend who calls you on your bullshit, corrects your grammar and gives you unconditional love. I have two. cclore and PhoenixMP3 make my world a better place. *MWAH***

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 36: Below the Surface**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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She sleeps; I don't. I can't.

That fight we had really fucking shook me. Everything about it was just fucked up. I saw it spinning out of control, but I didn't have the presence of mind to stop it.

I'm too fucking tired. Tired of the fucked up sleep. Tired of being confused. Tired of fighting myself and the ever present want to just finally fucking give in and have sex with her. I almost caved that night when she basically fucking attacked me. She felt so good, grinding on my dick and clawing at me.

Then I heard a stifled sob and I realized it was wrong. All fucking wrong and just completely fucking fucked.

As she screamed at me, I wanted to hold her and soothe her. She was shaking violently and I thought her skin would vibrate right the fuck off of her. I would have given her anything to make her feel better. Anything except what she kept screaming at me that she wanted because I knew that if I just gave in and fucked her, she'd end up resenting it. She'd end up hating me and hating herself more.

I wouldn't let her do that to herself.

Then she compared me to Mike-motherfucking-I'm a total douchebag-Newton.

I was fucking done. It was like someone just fucking sucker punched me and as I was hunched over, they upper cut me in the face, knocking me on my ass. The anger radiated through me, and I fought every primal urge to not throw or break something. Fuck! I was so fucking pissed.

We were so juvenile hurting each other like that, but at the time, I realize we had no other recourse. When she told me to go, I had to. I didn't want to, but I knew it was safer. I knew the only thing that could take me away from her was her own wish. For whatever fucking reason, I'm drawn to her.

Nothing. Not Mike, not Rosalie, not work, not my parents or my friends. Nothing but Bella herself could will me away.

She screamed at me to go and I did. I did it because she told me to.

As I left her house, I hoped she was fucking happy because I was fucking miserable. Maybe if she was happy, I could live with that shit.

At least, that's what I told myself as I drove off.

Jasper and Emmett came after me, but I didn't want to deal with those assholes and their perfect relationships. I knew I fucked up, but I wasn't the only one. I didn't need them to remind me.

They drove fast, but I was faster. So I lost them easily.

I just drove and drove. I drove to Seattle, then drove around Seattle. I found myself stopping by Blue Ribbon, The Triple Door, Cafe Champagne, the lot where the farmer's market will be that Bella keeps talking about, Eclipse, _our_ Starbucks. I remember scoffing to myself at calling it _our_ Starbucks in my head that night. It used to just be _my_ Starbucks.

I drove back to Forks frustrated as a motherfucker. I drove so fast and I felt the strain on my engine, but I just reveled in the sound and pushed harder. I was considering getting the new year's model anyway.

I didn't slow down until I passed by her house. I didn't even realize I was heading that way until I turned onto her street. Every fucking fiber of my being was on alert knowing how close she was. I could feel it as if she was a part of me just as the blood running through my veins or the air in my lungs. It was...It was fucking weird.

With the exception of the porch light, all the lights were off and I wondered if she was awake or if she was asleep. If she was awake, was she okay or was she as miserable as I was? I fucking hoped she wasn't crying. I hate when Bella cries. If she was asleep, I hoped she wasn't having a nightmare. She'd wake up so scared and be alone. I slammed my head against the headrest and groaned at my own thoughts.

I glanced at her window as I sat there and wondered if it was locked.

Of course it was fucking locked; I checked it myself. I distinctly remembered checking it earlier in the day. An errant thought made me think that maybe she unlocked it, hoping I would come back. Even more ridiculous was the fact that I wasn't finding my idea of scaling the tree outside of her window absurd. It actually seemed somewhat _normal_, which in retrospect makes it seem even more crazy. Or made me seem even more crazy.

The curtain was pulled slightly askew, which only added to my ridiculous as shit thoughts.

_Did she look for me after I left?_

But I knew it was locked and she wasn't waiting for me to come back; she sent me away. I was so lost in my thoughts and not paying attention to my surroundings, so I didn't see Alice when she appeared on the porch until her tiny shadow flickered across the glowing porch light.

I looked up and caught her eye, she gave me a small smile and a wave. I waved back, but didn't return the smile; it just seemed fucking wrong. I just shook my head, put my car in gear and drove.

I drove to the lake where I had taken Bella ice skating and parked on the outskirts and then walked the rest of the way. It was kind of a windy night, but the dense trees helped to cut the bite of the wind. The edges of the lake were thawed out and the ground was a little squishy, despite how fucking cold it was.

I stared at the lake, at the darkness. There was nothing but a vast pool of nothing in front of me. No light, no beauty, even the significance of this place meant nothing without her.

I felt crazy. Utterly fucking insane.

I picked up some rocks and started hurling them at the ice covered lake. Intermittently running my hands through my hair, my roots were starting to fucking kill from all the goddamn tugging I had been doing that night. I was furious and confused and just a fucking mess.

I stopped tossing rocks and my phone rang. I knew who it was and I didn't want to talk to her, but I also knew if I didn't answer, she would just keep calling or worse. She'd hop her ass on a plane and come and string me up by my balls.

"Hello?"

_"Edward, what the hell are you doing?"_

"What do you mean?" I knew Emmett would have been the one to call Rosalie, but I didn't know how much he would have told her and I figured it was best to play dumb.

I heard her take a deep breath before she continued. I could almost see her bitchbrow through the phone. _"I know about the nightmares, I know about your fight with Bella, fratellino. I have no idea what the fuck is going on with you, but you're being an asshole. So what the fuck?"_

_"Edward, tesoro, dimmi..."_ Rose said softly when I didn't answer.

"I have no fucking clue. I'm not sure about anything and just unsure about every fucking thing."

_"The nightmares? Same one?"_

"More often. Not every night, but like a few times a month. I'm so tired from that shit. Same one, but not always the whole fucking thing. There are bits and pieces mostly. I haven't had it in so many years and it's nowhere near as bad as it fucking was."

_"Listen, I'm not mom and dad and I'm not delusional enough to think that some shrink will get to the bottom of it. If you haven't figured out what the fuck it means after all this time then you might never figure it out."_

"I know. It might mean nothing. Right? I mean, mom has that fucking bridge dream. Maybe it's just a fear. I'm not a fan of huge fucking furry animals. They shed and they fucking smell. Always in the damn way. So maybe that's the deal. Like, I'm just having a nightmare of being attacked by an ugly beast or some shit."

_"Does it make you feel better when you don't put all this weight on it?"_

"Yeah. I think so."

_"Okay, go with it. Now, about this fight with Bella?" _Rose asked and I groaned out loud.

"It's fucking stupid. She said shit, I said shit and she kicked me out."

_"Why? What did you say?"_ Rose's tone was cautious and held an edge to it. I knew she'd verbally assault my ass when I told her. If she had been there that night, she would have kicked my ass.

"We found out about some bullshit deal Mike made with the DA and she got really aggressive, but I just couldn't, ya know? She compared me to Mike, and I told her sex isn't the fucking answer to her problem and basically she should know that shit from her experience."

_"Are you fucking stupid?"_

"No. Yes. Maybe?"

_"Obviously you are! If I was Bella, I would have taintshanked you for that shit."_

"Fuck off!"

_"She should have told you to fuck off. I can't believe you. Have I taught you nothing? Jesus fuck, Edward. That girl loves you. At the moment, I have to say you aren't worthy of that love."_

"Did you just call to make me feel worse? Or do you actually have a reason for fucking wasting my goddamn time?"

_"Go home. Go to mom and dad's. Just go somewhere other than wherever the fuck you are and don't go stalking Bella. Not tonight. Maybe dad will give you some pills and you can sleep because you need it._"

My sister knew me well.

"I don't know if I can."

_"Just get in the car and drive there, ass."_

"No. I mean. Fuck! How do you sleep without Emmett?"

_"Oh! That. Uhm." _The bite had left her tone. To be honest, I wasn't even sure why I asked her that. It just came out. _"It took a while to get used to and it's harder when we're together and then separate. We spend a lot of money on postage."_

"Huh?"

_"We send each other things. Things that smell like each other as comfort."_

"Oh." I thought about Bella and her soft feminine scent.

_"Now go get some fucking sleep, fratellino. Don't make me come there. It's fucking cold at home, and I'm enjoying the sun in Antigua at the moment."_

By the time I got off the phone with Rose, I was back at my car. I got in and drove to my parents house; I just couldn't bring myself to drive back to my place. It's too far away from _her_. I knew I shouldn't have, but I passed by her house one more time.

When I got to their house, Dad was up, sure enough mom was too. I wouldn't doubt Rosalie to have given them a heads up. I wasn't mad at her for it either. After some hugs and white pills, I was sent to my room with a glass of water. Just like old times.

That was two nights ago and the last two days have been a fucking mess. Sleep? Yeah, fuck Mr. Sandman. All I could think about was Bella and apparently, everyone wanted to kill me. Leah threatened to castrate me and fry my balls in lard. I locked myself in my office after that.

Jasper let it be known that he was taking Alice out Friday night. I think he knew I would stake out in front of Bella's house. He was right, there was no way I was leaving her alone. I don't give a damn what kind of fucking bracelet Mike has on his ankle.

One would think I'm exhausted right now after not having slept in all this time and I am, but my mind is all over the place. Bella noticed my lack of sleep and she thought it was her fault. She accused me of wanting someone else. In reality, I have never wanted anything or anyone as much as I want her. That is some scary shit.

I look over at Bella. So delicate in her state of sleep...like a precious angel. I want to...keep her? That seems wrong because I know she isn't a fucking _thing_ to be kept. Like a piece of jewelry or a car or a pet. She's a person. A beautiful person with a beautiful soul.

_Maybe I don't want to lose her?_

I sigh and scrub my free hand over my unshaven face because it's all so fucking confusing.

I need to tell her about my night terrors, but how? The shit doesn't even fucking make sense to me. And her own dreams have been so violent and vivid as of late that I've been more focused on taking care of her.

My parents, fuck I love them, but I hate them for being right all the goddamn time. Right after Christmas, they insisted we talk, just like I knew they would.

In their soft but firm way, they insisted that I tell them every detail of my dream. I told them it was nothing they hadn't heard before, but they didn't care. They also insisted I talk to the specialist who saw me as a kid. I argued with them because I didn't see the goddamn point. It didn't work then, it won't work now. As always, they won and I went.

I've seen Dr. Stanley Smith three times since that conversation. Guess fucking what? Nothing new to report. Big fucking shock.

I'm pretty sure we've already been through the bullshit of the nightmare being a manifestation of my subconscious or some repressed memory. That perhaps I've been trying to tell myself something, but it's so deeply embedded that I can't figure it out. That dreams are often symbolic. Things like stress and change can trigger something to set the subconscious in motion.

Blah-fucking-blah. I know.

Knowing all that shit for all these years and still no resolution makes me kinda fucking pissy.

I've looked up dream symbolism. I took a class about it as an undergrad and that shit is about as vague and subjective as anything else left to interpretation. So, for example, how am I supposed to know if the door in my dream means new opportunities _or_ that I've missed out on something?

Some pretentious douche came up with that shit and is now sitting around making a mint on the gullibility of other people. It's the perfect con.

"Edward?"

At first, I think she's still asleep. She sighs my name in her sleep often. Usually, it makes me smile or really fucking hard or both. So I lay still and don't move. I just shut my eyes and relish the sound of my name being whispered from her lips.

"Edward? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, bellezza. Go back to sleep."

She shifts until she's laying over me. Her hair brushes against my chest and my neck as I bear the light weight of her frame. She reaches up a hand and presses against the crease that is no doubt settled between my brows.

"Sometimes, it helps to share whatever burden you're carrying. Charlie said that's why he and my mom worked so well. No secrets." She looks up at me with those soft, delicate, trusting brown eyes and I know for a fact I will give her anything.

I sit up and rest my elbows on my knees, running my hands through my hair. Again. Bella shifts so that she's sitting behind me now. Well, it's most like kneeling and she runs her hands across my back. I feel more relaxed at her touch, and I wonder where she learned how to do that. Or what instinct gave her the urge. It's amazingly fucking comforting and sensual at the same time as her fingers graze my skin.

"When I was a child, I started to have really bad night terrors. Well, just one, but over and over and over. No one could figure the shit out, but it fucked with me. I couldn't sleep, I was on edge all the time. So fucking disagreeable and grouchy at times. My parents were at a loss. As I got older, they happened less often, but there have always been times when it would come back and spiral out of control. Then, it suddenly stopped when I left for college."

"It's back?"

"Yeah. Started last summer and the terrors have been coming more often."

"Tell me about it," she says, placing a soft kiss on my shoulder blade.

So I tell her about it. I tell her about the empty, seemingly fog covered street. A street that never changes, and I can't really make out any details about it. I tell her about the screaming sounds, and she asks me if it's a man, woman, child or elderly person. I tell her I don't know because I really don't. They aren't that clear in my recollection.

I tell her about the the loud barking. She asks me what kind of barking, and I tell her it's an animal of some sort. Perhaps the one that comes at the end, but I have to get through the rest of the dream first.

There's the random green door that appears. She asks if the door is always green and I tell her it is. I tell her about the frantic search for the keys, like I know I'm supposed to open the door as I try and get away from the increasingly loud barks and screams. I explain how the key is hanging around my neck, like keeping it close is keeping it safe or some bullshit. At least that's what the damn analyst thinks.

When I finally get the door open, I'm attacked by the wolf-dog.

By the time I finish giving her the gist of the dream, which is always more clear right after I have it even though I've been having it for the better part of my life, she's running her hands through my hair and across my naked skin. She's leaning back against her headboard, and I'm resting between her legs that are wrapped around me. I really don't think she has a fucking clue how good her touch feels.

"How do you feel when you have it?"

"I usually wake up kind of in a panic I guess."

"Maybe you're scared of something?"

"Yeah. Maybe."

"It's okay to be scared sometimes, Edward. I get scared too."

"What do I have to be afraid of? My life is pretty much perfect. There are people who have gone through worse things. You and Jazz for example."

"Fear is like everything else. Anger, sadness, love, you can't really control it. It doesn't make you less of a man if you're afraid. Not to me." She places a kiss in my hair and continues to soothe me with her touch as we fall into a comfortable silence.

She's so soft, warm and gentle. I just want to stay with her like this forever.

I can feel my eyelids starting to get heavy. I turn on my side slightly and draw circles on her thigh under the blanket.

Next thing I know, it's morning and Alice is bounding in the room.

"Coffee, sleepyheads?" she says as she hops on the bed.

"Oh my fucking god. Are you fucking kidding me right now?" I growl through barely open eyes.

"It's like, noon. Don't even give me shit, Cullen."

_Noon? I just slept for nine hours?_

I hear Bella laugh lightly from somewhere, and I roll around in the bed looking for her. She's propped up on a pillow, and I pull her by her waist and toss her to the other side of the bed, which causes her to squeal and it's kinda fucking cute.

"Put me down!" she cries in an attempt to sound more annoyed than she obviously is by the giggling she's doing.

Her head hits the pillows, and I usually pick on her for having so many fucking pillows on her bed, but at the moment, I'm glad she does so they are there to cushion her when she falls back.

"It's not nice to laugh at people, princess."

"I c-c-an't help it," she laughs, "you g-r-rowled at her."

"Oh, please. The two of you are perfect for each other. Don't think for one second that Bella is all sunshiney smiles in the morning either," Alice calls as she exits the room.

I laugh and give Bella a quick kiss and then hop out of bed because I really have to take a piss, and Bella's giggles wreak havoc on my morning wood. So I have shit to take care of.

**~F&FS~**

"What's up for tonight?" Jasper asks when I sit down on the arm of the couch next to Bella, who's all wrapped in a blanket.

"Shit if I know. Hang out I guess. Steal Tease is back tonight."

"Really?" Bella asks with a jump as she spins to look at me and I nod.

"I guess we're going to Eclipse then," Jasper states.

Bella is really excited about it and she jumps over to give him a hug, which makes me kinda fucking annoyed for no other reason than she's my girlfriend and I'm being a dick.

"Hey! I booked them," I say with a scowl.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she says mockingly as she sets herself between my open legs. "Jealous?"

"No."

"Liar."

I just kiss her so she'll stop talking and give me something to do other than palm her ass in a completely inappropriate manner in front of my best friend. He's seen me do worse unfortunately, and I know he doesn't see Bella like that.

As a matter of fact, one day, Emmett was being gross and talking about Rosalie's cock handling skills, which made me almost puke on my boots. I happened to mention that I liked getting head from Bella. Jasper chucked an orange at me. I was just talking, no specifics or shit. I wasn't about to go into fucking details. I was just talking to my buddies, like we always do. On more than one occasion I've had to listen to both those fuckers go on about Rose and Alice.

Mention Bella and they get all uptight and shit. "_Shut up, man! She's like my little sister_."

I feel the same way about Alice and Rose actually _is_ my sister, but that doesn't stop them. Like the night I wanted to do body shots off her and they lost their shit. Hypocritical assholes.

Nevertheless, Jasper is a man, and I prefer not to draw his attention to her ass. So even though she's standing here in between my legs, smelling fantastic and feeling soft as pure silk and I could really use some friction on the damn near full sized bulge in my jeans, I'm keeping my hands to myself. Like I said, she's my girlfriend and I'm being a dick.

**~F&FS~**

"Anxious?" Jasper asks as he appears next to me.

"Hell yeah, he is. He's been checking his phone every fifteen seconds," Emmett intercedes.

"Shut the fuck up. I have not."

"Have too," Emmett retorts.

_How original._

"Whatever. They should fucking be here by now. I swear, it's Alice's fault. You know she needs like five hours to get ready."

Jasper just rolls his eyes at me. We left Alice and Bella's hours ago and they said they'd meet us here by nine. It's eight past. Leah storms by us and glares at me, which makes me wince a little. Leah has a mean glare.

"She's still pissed at you," Emmett laughs. "You better buy her some flowers or something. Otherwise, she might fuck your shit up."

I just take another sip of my Grey Goose and lime and ignore his ass. Leah will be less mad in a few days and then I'll do something nice for her. There's no talking to her when she's like this. Yeah, yeah. I realize she's pissed at me because I _may_ have been a _little_ annoying this week. Leah and I have a system. I piss her off, she glares, I ignore it, she calms down, I smile at her with some coffee and we're golden.

I check my phone again, more discreetly this time so Em doesn't call me out on my shit. It's 9:12. Even though Alice does like to take her time getting ready, it's unlike Alice to be late. I put my phone back on the bar and contemplate calling Bella to see where they are.

It's stupid, but not really. I try and tell myself that if fucking Mike was locked up, I would be much more calm about this situation.

Jasper and Emmett are talking. Possibly to me, but I'm surely not listening. I think Jasper mentions needing to talk to us about something.

The digital time changes to 9:13 and I can't fucking stand it anymore, but before I can call her, she's calling me.

"Fuck, baby. Where are you?" I ask when I answer. I'm not pleased with the tinge of panic in my voice.

"Hello to you, too. I just got here. Where are you?"

"At bar one. I'll come get you."

"No, stay. I'll be right there."

I put my phone away and sigh a huge fucking sigh of relief that she's here, and I can breathe like a normal fucking human again. A certain level of tension immediately leaves my body.

I stare in the direction of the entrance, waiting to get a glimpse of her. Not a moment later, I see her chestnut covered head through some of the crowd. I can't help the involuntary smile that breaks on my face as more of her comes into view.

I watch her as she moves, noting how fucking sexy she looks in her tall boots and pink skirt that rests smoothly against her. For a second, I imagine what it would feel like to have those boots wrapped around my waist or resting on my shoulders. I wonder if her skirt is too tight to push up around her waist or how to get at her nipples with the constricting top she has on. I could always just take it off.

My eyes reach her face and I'm lost. Completely fucking mesmerized.

She's so fucking beautiful. It never ceases to amaze me every time I see her. The smile on her face right now is so wide and happy that it makes me ache with happiness. I love that fucking smile.

"It's great isn't it?" Jasper asks.

"Huh? What's great?"

"Love."

"Uh..."

Jasper chuckles and swoops Alice into his arms when she comes closer to him.

Bella is about a step behind her and when she reaches me, I kiss her. Snaking my hands up her arms and cupping her face, she opens her mouth to me and our tongues explore together.

She breaks away, slightly out of breath and smiles at me. I notice a twinkle in her eye. A fucking twinkle. I can hardly even believe myself sometimes.

"What time does the band go on?"

"In about ten minutes. You guys just made it."

"Blame Alice."

"Ha! I fucking knew it. I should have bet your ass, Jazz."

"Actually," Bella interrupts, "it was Alice's fault, but not because she was getting dressed. It was because we were fighting over what _I_ was going to wear."

"Oh," I reply sheepishly and everyone laughs. I look her over again, high boots, tight pink skirt showing soft curves. Yeah, I definitely approve. "Well, I think it's fucking hot," I say, pressing my nose into her neck. "So, I guess Ali is forgiven. This time."

Bella hums as I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her flush to me. "You smell so fucking good," I whisper against her petal soft skin.

"You too," she says, kissing my neck just below my jaw.

"Jesus! You two are almost as bad as Ali and Jazz," Emmett whines.

"Yeah, fucking right. Like that's even possible. Unless we're talking about you and Rose," I say back with a laugh. Then I grab Bella's hand so we can head over to the other room for Steal Tease.

The show is really good, and I remember how I didn't get to see it the last time. Then I remember that's also the night fucking Newton assaulted Bella. I look over to Bella, who is standing with Alice at the window-like opening in the wall to the VIP section and listening to the band.

I have to say, the sight is a little laughable because I'm pretty sure that's fan girl behavior they're engaging in. Jumping up and down, screaming out at the band.

"Get a load of them," Jasper says. "You'd think they never saw live music before." I just laugh and roll my eyes and continue to watch them. It's crazy but fascinating shit.

While I'm watching, I notice the lead singer keeps looking over in our direction and the girls are a little more giggly than they were just a few moments ago.

"Did he just fucking wink at Bella?" I say out loud, not really to anyone.

"Uh, maybe. Alice and Bella did hang out with them after the show the last time they were here," Jasper replies.

"What the fuck? Bella's not some band groupie," I practically shout at him.

"You took her to hang out with The Gingers."

"That's not the same shit."

"What's the difference?"

"The difference is Steal Tease is a guy band, aka dicks running around plugging every hole available to them."

"Well, Bella isn't available to them. So I fail to see the issue."

"I didn't even fucking ask you to begin with. I was just making an observation."

Jasper scoffs and turns back to his beer.

The band goes through two more songs. Sure as shit, I'm not listening. I'm too busy being pissed about Bella's reaction to this guy. What the fuck is that shit about anyway?

"I'll be back," I say, getting up from my defensive stance on the bench seat. I need to piss, and I suddenly just need to move and not be sitting there. I'm pissed that some other guy has my girl giggling and all smiley.

"Listen," Jasper grabs my arm as I move to get up, "I say this at the risk of you decking me, but maybe you need to sit and think about why you're all up in arms about this. Maybe there's more to it than you realize. Bella isn't going to wait around forever. Despite the front she puts on, she's not nearly as patient or as confident as Alice."

I remove my arm from his grasp and start to move, undetected, towards the exit of the VIP booth.

"Are you leaving me?" Bella asks as I walk past them. There's a slight sadness in her eyes, which is probably caused by the fact that I'm trying to discreetly walk away without even looking at her and fucking failing miserably. I'm an ass.

"No, baby. I'll be right back." I kiss her soundly with a light pull on her bottom lip before letting her go to enjoy the show while I go blow off some steam. _Fuck, she tastes good._

I go to use our private bathroom and then do a couple laps around Eclipse, just checking to make sure nothing is going on that shouldn't be and everything is as it should be. I'm not really worried about Mike showing up; Felix is at the door tonight. He does have friends, so I've asked security to keep an extra eye out for shady fuckers.

All the while I'm thinking about Bella and that fucking Steal Tease asshole, Brady. Does she...like him? Is she attracted to him in some way?

Steal Tease is done with their set by the time I return, but I don't see Bella, Alice, Jasper, or Emmett anywhere.

I check my phone, and I have a text from Bella saying they're heading back to talk to the band. Fuck! This is exactly the shit I didn't want.

_What if this guy can be better for her than me?_

I know Bella is beautiful, inside and out. She is just one of those people that is so rare to find. I also know she doesn't realize her own beauty. Others do though. I see it all the fucking time. The way guys look at her; the way girls scowl at her. They want her or are jealous of her. But she's mine.

_How long do you expect her to be yours if you can't give her what she deserves?_

I don't wanna think about that.

_Maybe you should. Bella deserves 100% nothing less. She had that with Mike._

Don't.

_What? It's true. Are you going to keep her and let her turn back into her shell?_

I don't want that for her.

_Then get your head out of your own ass. Open your fucking eyes._

I realize there is a possibility that Jasper might just be right. There is more to what's going on with me when it comes to Bella.

I make it backstage and I see the girls and Emmett, but no Jasper. Emmett is talking to the drummer and the girls are surrounded by the two guitarists, the lead singer and the keyboardist.

I can feel the frustration and jealousy boiling under my skin, and I scrub my hands over my face in an attempt to curb it. No such fucking luck.

Walking over to the girls, one of the band members is making them laugh and Bella leans over and puts her hand on his arm. In one of those gestures girls make when they're flirting or interested.

I swear, I'm not paranoid. I'm _very_ familiar with this concept.

I reach them and stand behind Bella, pulling her to me. Probably more forcefully than I meant to because she stumbles a little as I catch her by surprise.

"Hey, man. Careful," douchetastic band singer calls out to me. I just quirk a brow at him, daring him to challenge me as I wrap my arms around Bella's waist and kiss her neck.

"What took you so long, Edward?"

"Sorry, baby. I got caught up."

She rests her hands on mine, which are tightly woven around her hot little body. "Everything okay?"

"It is now." My thumb snakes under the bottom of her shirt and brushes against the soft flesh there, a small shiver runs through her.

She laughs softly and then turns her head to kiss my jaw. I really love when she kisses that spot. "Have you met the guys?"

_The guys? The fucking guys? Are they like BFF's now or some shit? What the hell?_

_Cool it, Cullen, or this night can end badly._

Everyone resumes their conversation, but I never let go of Bella. I keep kissing her or twirling her hair. At one point, I press into her and my dick rubs against her back. It causes her to pause in the story she's telling about the song of theirs that she likes to cook to because the tempo is good for chopping. Douchetastic band singer glares at me, and I know he knows because we're guys and we know how that shit works.

I couldn't give a shit less, so long as he knows Bella is mine! She's not available! I'm not fucking sharing!

I notice Alice giving me the side eye, but then she kind of chuckles softly, shakes her head and goes back to whatever douchebag number two is saying.

The roadies have finished packing up the band's shit and they're about to leave. I shake their hands, invite them back, even though right now I don't fucking mean that shit, and they say bye to the girls. I still refuse to let Bella go. I'll be damned if that asshole is going to do anymore than shake her hand, and I don't want him to do even that. So when he does, I instinctively tighten my hold on her waist and notice a low growl reverberate in my chest.

After they're gone, Bella turns to me and her tone is more irritated than her eyes suggest because she also seems amused. "Jesus, Edward. Why didn't you just piss on me and call it a day?"

"Sorry?" I say and she kind of smiles, shakes her head, turns to Alice and heads off to the ladies room. I'm not really sorry. I already admitted to being a possessive motherfucker; I can't change who I am. Besides, Bella doesn't even really seem mad about it.

Talking to Emmett as we leave the backstage area, we see Jasper running towards us in a panic.

"Jazz, what the hell?"

"I gotta go, E. It's mama. I mean, she called, but it's really Peter. He was rushed to the hospital."

Looking at my best friend, I know that this has him more shaken than he is willing to admit. Jasper has a serious amount of hate for his father, or Peter as he started calling him when we were kids as a form of detachment.

I call my parents by their first names and so does Emmett, but not to their faces. Just in conversation with other people. Jasper actually calls his father Peter to his face and usually with an icy glare. That is, when you can get them in the same room or even get them to talk. Nonetheless, that is still his family.

We stare at each other for a split second; it's like I can hear his freaked out thoughts. He's rattled.

"What do you need?"

"Just...Ali?"

"You got it. Go," I tell him, letting him know I'll take care of Alice and whatever he needs.

"Dude..." Emmett says in shock.

"I know."

As I've said before, Jasper is an unnaturally calm guy and even in his most heightened state, he's pretty level. I will be adding tonight to the handful of times I have seen Jasper shaken to the very fucking core.

I'm just not so sure it's only the news of his dad being in the hospital that has him so...disturbed.

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**A/N**

I wrote an **F&FS Outtake** for **Fics for Nashville**. **$5** and you can read it along with many other fun things! See the link for deets: http:/community{dot}livejournal{dot}com/ficsfornash

I've been meaning to do this for a while. I have a fic rec: **Within Arms Reach by 5ctbauble **- http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5638678/1/Within_Arms_Reach - _Edward and Bella have a past and a present, but when secrets come out, will they have a future?_

**thank you for reading! **

**xx**

Translations

_Edward, tesoro, dimmi_ - Edward, darling, talk to me

_Fratellino_ - little brother (term of endearment)


	38. Ch 37: Gravity of Love

**A/N:**

I dedicate this chapter to my beta's. PhoenixMP3 always keeps my ego sufficiently stroked and cclore has declared this chapter as close to perfect as you can possibly get.

Announcements at the bottom.

**Disclaimer- I don't own it, it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 37: Gravity of Love**

**Bella Swan POV**

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"Where's Jasper?"

Nothing.

"Edward?"

"Huh?" Edward mumbles, staring off into the distance and not even paying attention.

"Where's Jazz?"

I watch as my best friend tries to get my boyfriend's attention, noting the look of panic developing on her face and the look of strain and confusion on his.

"His dad was rushed to the hospital," Emmett pipes up. Edward is still lost in his head.

Alice gasps, which seems to take Edward out of his daze. She pulls out her phone to call him and then frowns, placing it back in her clutch. "Voicemail," she whispers.

"Emmett, go tell Leah we're leaving," Edward starts, suddenly in control. "Bella, baby, I need you to stay with Ali a moment okay? I'll be right back." I nod and he runs off while I lead Alice over to a surprisingly empty stool at the bar.

"He hates his dad," she whispers, "but if he dies, it might kill him."

Alice does have a flair for the dramatic, but I know that's not all it is.

I try to put myself in Jasper's shoes. I hate Mike; if Mike died, would I be upset? The answer is probably yes. As much as I don't like to admit it and as much pain as he has caused me, I can't bring myself to wish death on anyone. I hate the unknown assailant who killed my parents, but I'd rather they rot in jail than die.

In that case, death is too easy a punishment.

_I wonder where Jasper stands._

"The caravan to Forks is leaving ladies. Saddle up," Emmett calls out.

We stand up and Alice nods while grabbing my hand as we move towards the exit. Just as we get to the door, Edward jogs up to my side and places a kiss on my hair. I notice the more alert mood he's in all of the sudden. He tosses his keys to Emmett and then wraps his arm around Ali's shoulder. It's kind of comical because she is sooooo much shorter than him. If she didn't have on really high heels, I'm sure he'd be wrapping his arm around the hair at the top of her head instead.

I remember that twinge of jealousy that I had all those months ago while watching the easy rapport that Alice and Edward have with each other. I don't feel a hint of that now. Not even a speck. In fact, it warms my heart and makes me smile watching them - the two most important people in my life.

"Em's going to head to Forks in my car. I'm taking his Hummer and you girls are riding with me. Peter is at Forks General; he's had a heart attack," Edward explains.

Silence falls amongst the four of us as we get into the different vehicles. Emmett cracks a joke about Edward's Audi and Edward teases him about over compensating, but I'm really focused on Alice who just seems really worried about Jasper.

"Ali, when we get there, if Jasper is...off, don't blame him alright? Shit with his dad, his whole family actually, is really fucked up," Edward pipes up once we're on the road.

"I know. He's told me."

"Have you ever actually seen them together?"

"No."

"Then don't take this the wrong way, but you really have no fucking clue."

"There are no secrets between us, Edward. He's told me all about the abuse in his home and the drinking. I know how it drove his brother away. How Jasper feels like he's the only person in his family with any sense. How he pities his mother for taking it, hates his dad for causing it, and resents his brother for getting out. I know, okay?"

"There is a world of fucking difference between being told about a car accident and watching it take place in slow motion. I just wanted to give you a heads up, but fuck it."

"Hey, guys! Let's not, okay?" I interject, trying to squash the makings of WWIII. I'm not convinced I could negotiate a peace treaty between these two if they got started. Her flair towards the dramatic and his tendencies for the theatrics would blow anything out of proportion.

Silence falls over us again and Edward turns on a CD in Em's stereo. _Starstruck_ by 3OH!3 comes on and the three of us just start laughing hysterically.

"I can't believe he listens to this shit," Edward laughs. "It's just fucking bad! I'm embarrassed to call him a friend right now."

Alice is laughing so hard, she's doubled over in the seat and tears start to squeeze out of her clenched eyes. She can't even speak as she holds onto her stomach and tries to catch her breath.

"I wonder if R-Rosalie knows he listens to this. _'L.O.V.E. is just another word I never learned to pronounce_.' I can't s-s-stand it," I say through my laughing.

Eventually the laughter subsides, but the tension in the Hummer is broken. Always leave it to Emmett to lighten the mood.

By the time we reach the hospital, Alice is closer to being back to normal and Edward's grip on the steering wheel is no longer white knuckles tight, easing my worry that a bone will break through.

We park and hop out, everyone almost in a sprint to the doors. I trip, of course, and stumble forward a little, but I somehow manage to not fall flat on my face. Although he is in front of me, Edward turns around in a flash. We make eye contact and he flashes me a lazy grin before he reaches out his hand to pull me with him.

"Do I need to carry you?" he asks with a smirk.

I just shake my head and get in step alongside him. I'm utterly embarrassed. I just know my cheeks match my skirt, but Edward seems to like it since, as we reach the triage desk, he leans over and kisses my cheek, after telling the nurse we're looking for Peter Whitlock.

"Your blush is so pretty," he says, making me blush more as I shift my gaze to the floor. The fact that I blush so much frustrates me to no end, but I can't help it!

Just as the nurse is about to tell us where to find Mr. Whitlock, leading us to Jasper, Dr. Cullen comes around the corner. He steps toward Edward and gives him one of those manly, father-son hugs and says something, which I can't really hear because there is just too much noise around us. Beeping and whirring and the damn triage phone constantly ringing. Watching them, again I think to myself, too much pretty for one room.

Then he hugs Alice and I hear him tell her to smile as he rubs her arm, which she does for a moment.

"Ah, piccolina, how are you? Esme will be so jealous I saw you tonight," he says with a bright smile as he tucks his finger under my chin in a soft gesture. He definitely passed the charm onto Edward. Gets me every time.

"Fine, Dr...Carlisle, thank you."

Edward clears his throat and Carlisle and I both look at him. Carlisle chuckles and turns to the triage nurse again and Edward rolls his eyes playfully as we start to move towards the elevators.

As we follow him down the hall, he asks us about our night, as if he's trying to make us all feel at ease. Edward tells him we saw a band at Eclipse and I have to crack a smile at the strained way he says 'Steel Tease'. I wasn't kidding when I told him he might as well have pissed on me, but to be honest, I liked it. I wouldn't like to be pissed on, of course. I did like the mild display of jealousy though. It's nice to see that I have that effect on him.

When we reach the elevator, Carlisle starts to tell us about Mr. Whitlock's condition. Jasper's dad has a blockage that, from all tests, seems to have been in place for a while. No surgery is required, but he's on medication to thin his blood now and should be discharged in a few days.

"Jasper and Charlotte are in there now," he says as we walk through a set of doors to the cardiac ward. "I can't let you all in, but I'll go let them know you're here."

He steps through the door and I lean into Edward while we wait. Alice is pacing across the door, ringing her hands.

"Come here, Ali," Edward calls and her head snaps up in our direction. His hand is extended out toward her and she takes a tentative step forward before she steps into his arm. Now we're both snuggled against his chest. I reach around and hug her, our heads touching.

"I love you, Ali."

"Love you too, Bells."

We both smile and I can't help but wonder what Alice would be like if it was actually Jazz laying in that bed instead of his father. I wonder how I would feel if it were Carlisle. I feel a sense of panic rise at the pain I know Edward would be in. I can't even bring myself to wonder what I would feel if it was Edward. I just can't!

The point is, our friend and loved one is hurting. It doesn't matter the circumstance.

"Has he come out yet?" Emmett asks as he stalks down the hall with a carrier full of coffee and a greasy bag in his hand.

"No," Edward says as Alice and I greedily grab at the coffee and Edward gives Emmett a strange look. "Food?"

"Dude, you know when Jazz is stressed he wants scotch, school supplies and grease. I can't bring booze or school supplies in here, so I stopped and got him some greasy food from Paul's."

Alice smiles and kisses him on the cheek just as the door to one of the patients' rooms open and Jasper comes out. His hands are scrubbing all over his face and he looks so tired already. Completely different from the man I saw just a couple of hours ago.

"Oh, Jazzy," Alice calls as she hops over to him. He gladly takes her in his arms, but his gaze is distant. He seems pensive.

"Are you okay, my love?" Alice asks and he nods with a weak smile.

Alice and Jasper separate and he hugs the rest of us. Well, hugs me and the guys do that thing they do, which isn't really a hug.

Emmett shoves the greasy bag of food, which I personally think is more grease than food, at Jasper and his face lights up momentarily. He mumbles a "thanks man," before sitting down in a chair in the small waiting room, surrounded by the few patient rooms in this area and digs in.

We all go and sit with him; Alice and I share a seat, while Edward and Emmett take their own with one in between them. Taking up that extra space that guys don't really need, but insist on having. It's quiet. Just the slight buzz of the fluorescent lights overhead and the click of shoes against the floor from Emmett, Edward and Jasper bouncing their legs nervously. I look over at my guys. Yes, _my_ guys, as the three of them mean more to me than I ever could have hoped. Emmett is biting his nails, Jasper is running his hands over his face while shoveling food in his mouth and Edward keeps tugging at his already unruly hair, which he's been doing since we got here. I poke Alice in the side to get her attention and show her how similar they all are in their mannerisms and she laughs softly.

"I...uh...I need some air," Jasper starts, breaking the silence.

"I'll come with you." Alice starts to shift to get up from our shared chair.

"It's alright, Tink. I actually need to talk to the guys for a second. Wait here?" he asks softly. She nods and I watch as she frowns and he kisses her to try and make her smile. He stands up straight again and signals for Edward and Emmett to follow him. They go and Alice and I settle back into the chair, tangled around each other as usual.

We sit in silence for a while. Alice is picking her nails, a nervous habit she has, while I'm playing a game on my phone, or rather trying to, but I can't make a word without any damn vowels and I'm hardly concentrating as it is.

"Edward has nightmares," I volunteer to break the silence.

Alice looks at me, her eyes searching my face for a moment.

"He has nightmares and they scare me. Not the dream itself, but the effect it has on him. He doesn't know, but I've heard him in his sleep a couple of times. That's why he's been so irritable lately."

"Edward is always irritable, Bella." There's a hint of laughter in her voice and she pauses. "But you're right, he has been more of a pain lately. Do you talk about it?"

"We did last night. He gave me a basic rundown of it and told me he's been having them for years, but has no idea why. I don't know what to make of it, but what if they never stop? What if they get worse? What if they drive him insane? I know the maddening effect of a bad dream, but at least I know where mine comes from."

Alice nods in understanding.

"My point is that I love him and what he goes through, I go through. So, I understand how you feel about Jazz right now. I just want you to know."

Alice pulls me into a hug and that's how we stay. I guess we must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember is Edward kissing me on the forehead and then I'm looking at the console in his car.

"Where's Alice? What happened to Jasper and Emmett?" I ask sleepily, pretty much disoriented.

"They're all in Em's Hummer. We're heading to your place. You and Ali fell asleep so after Jasper finished talking to his mom and the doctor, we picked you guys up and headed out."

"Are they okay? I mean, Jazz and his dad. What's going to happen?"

"Peter has to stay in the hospital for the next few days. Jazz will probably stay at your place to be closer."

I nod. "What about you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Bella."

"You're lying." Edward snaps his eyes to mine before he looks back at the road. "I can tell. You're jaw is doing that ticking thing, which I love and hate. So either you're really mad or holding something back."

Edward laughs lightly, apparently amused that I've caught on to his mannerisms.

"I just worry about Jazz. That's all. He's seriously the fucking glue of that family and he barely managed to keep that shit show intact. If his dad dies, his mother will become so fucking dependent on him. That's just the kind of woman she is. If his dad lives, Jasper still has to deal with the abuse and neglect. He just can't win."

"Is it still that common? The abuse?" Edward nods. "How do you know?"

"He's my best friend, Bella. I know every time he gets the phone call. Every time he tries to convince his mother to leave Peter or file charges against him. Every time Jasper gets into a fight with his father."

"He fights with him?"

"Those scars didn't just appear out of nowhere," Edward states flatly.

I stare out the window for a minute, contemplating all this information. I'm now wide awake, curious, and hurting for my friends. A single tear rolls down my cheek as we pull into my driveway.

"Hey," Edward calls as he reaches for my hand, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so short with you."

"It's fine. It's not that. It's...Jasper said his dad doesn't hit him and now you're telling me he did or does. I want to cry. That breaks my heart."

"Peter didn't used to hit Jasper. He used to take out his rage on James, his older brother."

"The one who left?" Edward nods.

"So James was gone and eventually he turned on Jasper. We were much older though; it was the junior year homecoming dance. Jasper fled the dance because his mother called all panicked and shit. Again. She always fucking did that to him. It's like his parents have some sort of sick fucking sixth sense for when he's happy or having a good time, so they can fuck it up."

"Anyway, Jasper went home to find his mother crying at the bottom of the stairs and Peter shouting and throwing shit around the house. He went to help her stand, but she had fallen and her leg was hurt, so she couldn't really walk. Peter came downstairs and shoved Jasper out of the way. Then he went to start in on Charlotte again, but Jasper was fast and got between them."

"That was the first time Peter laid his hands on Jasper. The scar over his left eyebrow is from that night. And Jasper probably told you that Peter has never hit him because Jasper doesn't see it that way. Jazz sees it as fighting because he doesn't just lay down and let his father hit him. He fights back. Then, being the sensitive fucker he is, he probably doesn't want you to think he's a violent asshole, making you run from him or tell Ali to. The whole thing really fucks with his head."

"I've never gotten the impression that Jasper is violent."

"Because he isn't. Sometimes, you have no choice but to resort to violence when something or someone you love is in trouble..." Edward's voice trails off into silence and I turn to look at him, but he's already exiting the car. I can see his face in the yard lights as he crosses the front of the car to my door. His jaw is ticking; he's holding something back again.

**~F&FS~**

The next few weeks are total chaos. Complete and utter madness. Hospital runs, legal meetings, working, party planning. Emotions are running high. A mess.

Jasper's father remained in the hospital for a week after his heart attack. Everyone pitched in to try and make that easier on him. I attempted to teach Alice to make cookies, but then we realized cookies are probably not a good gift for a cardiac patient. We both cried for feeling so utterly stupid. This only made us feel more stupid.

By the time Peter made it out of the hospital, everyone seemed to settle into a steady routine. Jasper usually stayed with Charlotte at the hospital during the day. Then Alice, Esme or myself would sit with Charlotte at night. Edward and Emmett picked up Jasper's slack at Eclipse during the day to give him the time he needed to be there for his mother. They never complained; none of us did. Alice had it the worst though; Charlotte doesn't like her. No matter how hard she tried, the woman could not say one kind word to her.

The first night, when Charlotte told her she wasn't good enough for Jasper, Alice had a fit of hysterics. She was beside herself, unsure of what to do or how to react. On the one hand, she wanted to call her on the carpet. On the other, she felt she needed to respect her since she is Jasper's mother. Too bad Charlotte couldn't show the same courtesy to Ali. I never left the two of them alone again. I secretly hoped Charlotte would be too busy hitting the bottle to make it to Alice and Jasper's wedding at some point in the future.

I have been working like crazy. This new author I have been assigned to is very hands on. She sends me emails at all times, day or night, with ideas and suggestions. Just the other day, she sent me five emails with varying ideas for the book cover shoot. That step in the process is about eight weeks down the road. I admire her zeal, but come on! We're never going to get to the cover shoot if we don't have recipes first.

Thank god my boss has agreed to let me work from home a bit more than usual. At first, I was going into work really early so I could leave early to go to Edward's and work on a recipe, crash for like an hour, then drive to Forks to babysit Alice and Charlotte. Yes, babysit, because that's how it felt to watch those two. I was starting to go crazy.

Edward forced me to approach my boss about it when he saw me passed out in his kitchen. I had fallen asleep against the island in the center while I waited for the oven timer to go off. I had fallen asleep so hard, I missed the beep and Edward probably got there just before I set his place on fire or I died from smoke inhalation. As it was, I was so mad for ruining the damn Peppermint Meringue Cake with Chocolate Butter Cream that I internally yelled at myself as I scraped the smokey contents into the trash compactor.

The next day, my boss agreed that I could have more time to work at home. I don't even know why I didn't ask in the first place, he seemed unphased by my request. Told me I was one of the hardest working employees he has and that he trusted I would actually be working, so it wasn't a big deal. I saw the 'I told you so' dancing in Edward's eyes when I told him. _Cocky bastard_.

Luckily, the legal drama that is Mike Newton didn't take long to wrap up. I had to sign some paperwork and the Newtons insisted on meeting with me to extend their apologies. Edward wanted to go with me, but I thought he might break someone's face if he did. I was scared to see them. To be confronted by the people who managed to raise such a vile creature, but I knew I needed to go and I took Emmett. He came willingly and sat next to me, acting as the perfect buffer for my nerves. He cracked jokes and gave off color commentary on the people we could see passing by in the office through the glass window of the conference room, to lighten the mood.

The Newtons swore up and down I would never hear from Mike again. I didn't believe them of course. You can never trust a snake in the grass. Not to mention, while Mrs. Newton seemed somewhat apologetic, Mr. Newton seemed bored. Something told me that Mike's behavior was probably learned, at least in part, from his father.

I won't lie and say I was pleased with Mike's _punishment_, but I have to deal with it. I don't have to like it, but I have to accept it and move on. I'm not naive; there will be days when the grief just hits me hard, but not every day has to be like that. I can never forget what he has done to me, but I can make a conscious choice to not allow myself to be a perpetual victim. To not let the pain of it fester and rot my heart and sear my soul. I don't want to become a zombie again. Not when I finally feel like I have so much to live for.

They shook our hands goodbye and I watched Mr. Newton wince as he shook Emmett's and then shake it out as he walked out the door. I looked at Emmett and he shrugged as if he had no idea what just happened. Laughing lightly, we made our way to Eclipse, where Edward insisted on making me lunch in the kitchen. It reminded me so much of the first time we did that.

He made pesto gnocchi again and before we ate, he toasted saying, "to hanging out." With a wink, he brought the glass to his lips, took a sip and kissed me lightly. It made me wonder, had I not suggested that we hang out that day so many months ago, would I be standing here now getting dressed to be his date at his parents' anniversary party?

"Earth to Bella," Alice's voice rings in my ear.

"Hmmm?"

"Welcome back to earth. I was asking if you wanted your hair up or down. I think down, but maybe pin the center at the front and let it fall."

"Sure, that's fine."

"Are you even listening to me? Or are those glassy eyes all filled with thoughts of your bronze-haired lover?" she says with a laugh.

"Sorry, Ali. I was just thinking about the last few weeks. They've been so crazy!"

"I know, but let's not, okay? We're both gorgeous and have equally gorgeous men who are waiting for us downstairs. This is a celebration! Let's just _be_ okay?"

"I love you, Ali," I say, nodding as she leans down and wraps her thin arms around my neck and we look at each other in the mirror.

I can never tell her enough. She has been my best friend and my blessing for practically my entire life. Who else would put up with me when I was too depressed and lost in myself to even put my shoes on the right feet or brush my teeth. Making sure I ate when I barely had the energy to even think about food.

Alice has been beating herself up since that night in December. The night Mike almost made good on his threats. She tries to hide it, but I know. I know her. I see it in the fact that she's more cautious with me, feeling like she let me down. I notice it when her usually overly perky demeanor is suddenly less sunny.

It's not her fault, but I know I can't make her see it. We are very alike in that way.

She tried, she truly did. She was very open about her weariness with Mike. She expressed to me her distrust of him. She implored me to move back to Forks with her after college. She did her damnedest to never leave us alone. But Alice is a firm believer in making your own choices, as am I. So, she left it up to me to make that final decision and I inevitably chose the wrong one.

Some days, most days, I still blame myself for the hell of my life. Maybe if I had cried out or screamed, a neighbor would have heard me and saved my parents. In reality, I know I would have been killed too. And on some days, I wish I had been.

Perhaps if I had listened to Alice, I would not have been emotionally abused and raped by a possessive, predator that claimed to love me. If I had more of a backbone, maybe he would have treated me better. In reality, I'm sure if it hadn't had been me, it would have been another girl. I could never wish that on another person.

Just like Alice couldn't control me to take me away from Mike, I know I could not have controlled my parents' killer or stopped Mike's behavior. Rationally, I know this, but sometimes, most of the time, it just doesn't hit home.

I love Alice. I know that if the world were to crash down around us like in one of those apocalypse movies, in a million years the new inhabitants would find our fossilized bones, hand in hand, arm in arm, side by side. There may be a lot of things in life I don't have, but I do have an Alice. To me, that is worth more than all the money or fancy things in the world.

"Hmmm, I think you just love my hair styling techniques."

We both laugh as she finishes my hair and then I step away to finish getting dressed while she does the same, catching a glimpse of the large bouquet of daisies Edward had delivered earlier today.

Two weeks ago when Esme called to ask if I would be sharing a room with Edward at the party, I dropped the phone, then stammered like an idiot as I tried to explain that we weren't _sleeping_ together. She just laughed and told me it wasn't her business, but that since she was making final preparations for the anniversary party, she needed to double check the rooming situation.

In the end, I said I would share a room with Edward. As if I would sleep anywhere else.

I've been nervous and fidgety all day. Alice and I got dressed in the room she is sharing with Jasper, but after the party, I would go back to mine and Edward's room.

By the time we start to head down stairs, I'm a nervous wreck. I have no idea why. I'm probably just being a silly girl. It just feels like something is looming over me, but I'm not sure what. It's sitting there, at the top of my chest, and I can't push it off. I start to take short breaths through my nose, trying to get as much air as possible.

"Bella? What is it? Why aren't you breathing?" Alice calls, grabbing onto my shoulders and staring into my face.

"I t-think...I'm ner-nervous," I stammer.

"Well, no shit. But why?" I just shake my head. It's too much to try and talk right now. "Bella, look at me!" I try to focus on her face as she places a hand on my my chest and takes one of mine and places it on hers.

"Try and match my breathing." I nod and do my best. "Listen," she soothes, "it's just a party. You're in a beautiful dress designed by yours truly. You glow with the love you have for Edward. His parents love you. Even Rose loves you. We all do." She pauses and I feel myself start to calm down a little.

"Even Edward loves you. He's just an ass, but I promise you that he does. So no more panic, okay? Let's just go and have fun and wish Carlisle and Esme all the best. Edward is waiting for you and if you're freaking out, he's going to freak out. You two have this weird synchronized thing. You can do this, Bella."

She hugs me gently so as not to ruffle her dress or flatten my hair. Then she grabs my hand and pulls me into the elevator. We ride in relative silence, but she never lets me go. It's like she's sending me her good and happy vibes through our hand holding.

I haven't seen Edward all day. Edward and Rosalie have been helping get the final touches ready for the party and they both have roles in tonight's event. It's not uncommon for us to not see each other for a day or even a few days. However, he is so close I swear I can literally feel him. To be that close, but so far, is maddening.

I talked to him once, until Alice stole my phone. I was so annoyed! The way she is acting, keeping us apart, you'd think it's my damn wedding night. Even when he stopped by the room with Jasper, because Jasper needed to grab his tux, neither Jasper nor Alice would let him in. He threatened to break the door until Alice told him she would tell Esme and then he stopped. That was actually kind of funny.

Then he had this rather large bouquet of yellow and white daisies sent to the room. I almost cried. I love daisies and he remembered that. "Beautiful flowers for my Beautiful Bella. The flowers don't have shit on you, baby!" I had laughed so hard that I snorted. Classic Edward.

Thinking about him, I realize that I am starting to calm down considerably.

The doors to the elevator open and Alice and I walk out towards the grand ballroom. The music is already playing and we can hear light voices in the distance. The closer we get, the more of the room you can see. The sparkling lights, the crisp linens, and ornate floral arrangements. It's really just breathtakingly beautiful.

Walking into the room, I see him. He's the first and only one I see. It barely registers that Alice has dropped my hand or that Jasper places a chaste kiss on my cheek. I think I hear Emmett saying something about 'beautiful ladies', but I can't be sure. All perfectly wet dream worthy in his divinely designed, just-for-Edward tuxedo.

He walks over to me, tall and sure. My whole body responds to him drawing closer. Little jolts of static electricity on high alert for the impending sizzle. He's coming for me, like a lion stalks it's lamb. I wait, ready to be devoured by his presence.

He smiles and I feel my breath hitch. The sparkling lights in the room have nothing on his dazzling smile. An absent hand runs through his hair as he's just about to reach me and I can barely stand the anticipation.

He says nothing, but wraps an arm around my waist and kisses me soundly. I press my hands against his chest and give in to the sensations of his lips on mine. All too soon, which would be any time before eternity ends, he pulls away.

"Hi, baby. I've missed you," he says, placing one last peck on my lips.

"I've missed you too."

"You look...well fuck" he says, stepping back and giving me an appraising stare, "I'm speechless." I know I'm blushing, probably a hideous shade of red, that I'm sure Alice would say is clashing with my dress, but I can't help it.

"You clean up nicely too, Cullen." Edward laughs and we walk over to his parents where the rest of our friends have also congregated.

I finally regain some of my senses and say 'hi' to everyone. Congratulating Carlisle and Esme on thirty years of marriage, which Esme says she hopes to say to me one day while throwing a wink at her son. Esme winking is... peculiar.

Throughout the night, various people give toasts and some sort of tribute to the Cullens. It's really so sweet. Once I get a look around the room, I realize that they know way too many people to have a party anywhere except a grand ballroom.

Edward is... Edward is different. He's always attentive, but something is different tonight. Almost like he can't be attentive enough. He's always been a tad possessive too, which I won't lie and say I don't enjoy, because I do! He's never taken it to a point where I feel uncomfortable. Tonight, it's different. It's not adrenaline fueled, but more like he's aware that I am his. Something I realized a long, long time ago.

He's not ignoring other people. Every now and again, I catch him watching others. I can see the wheels turning in his mind and I wish I knew what he was thinking. Then he smiles or chuckles and the far off look disappears. I decide perhaps he is nervous about the presentation he is giving.

There's been drinking and dancing and just all around fun to be had by all. The menu is exquisite and I find that I want to try everything! So I steal some of Edward's duck and Jasper's sirloin. I try Alice's crab and even Rosalie lets me taste her mushroom ravioli. I hate mushrooms, but it looks so good I have to try it. Emmett is not so interested in sharing, but he has the same plate as Jasper so I don't even bother.

Edward excuses himself to go get ready for his role in tonight's event and both Alice and Rose scoot over closer to me. Before they can say anything, Edward's voice comes over the speakers. He's seated at a piano off to the side of the dance floor. A piano that I obviously didn't notice was there before or maybe they just wheeled it out.

I had not been expecting to see him play. He never told me what his part in the event was, just that he had something special prepared. I tried to ask Alice, but even she said she didn't know and both Jasper and Emmett were being tightlipped.

"Mom, Dad. When I was nine, you told me that some things are meant to last forever," Edward begins. "Things like Twinkies, really bad pop music, twinkling stars and love. Today, as you celebrate thirty years of marriage, I finally understand the truth to that lesson. I wrote this song in celebration of love that lasts forever. Happy Anniversary."

The lights are low in the room, but I feel the searing blaze when Edward glances in my direction before his eyes settle over the keys in front of him.

A beautiful and airy melody fills the room as Edward closes his eyes and lets his fingers dance across the piano. It's soft and beautiful. Timeless. Esme and Carlisle walk out onto the dance floor and hold each other in a loving embrace as they glide around the floor, oblivious to everyone around them. It's both gorgeous and painful to watch. Their love is overflowing and wonderful. Something every girl hopes for and I can't help but think of those who will never experience it again. Like my parents.

I close my eyes and lean back in my chair, listening to the soft tones that carry me away on a cloud of relaxation.

"Dance with me, Bella," Edward's velvety voice coos in my ear. I open my eyes and see his beautiful green ones twinkling at me, but if he's here then who is playing? I look around him and see someone else is now at the piano playing the music in front of him.

I place my hand in Edward's and let him lead me onto the dance floor.

"I'm not very good at this," I say, more as a disclaimer. I've grinded myself all over him at Eclipse and gyrated in his lap on benches in my hallway, but this is something else entirely.

"It's all in the leading anyway. Luckily, I've had a very good teacher," he says, nodding in the direction of his parents, who seem to float on air as they dance.

He pulls me closer and I relax in his arms as he starts to lead us around the floor.

You know in a movie when someone is on one of those twirly rides on the playground and as they spin, all they see is whoever is directly in front of them? Dancing with Edward is like that. The rest of the world is gone.

We stop moving around the floor and he steadies us into a stationary rhythm.

He's staring at me. The intensity of it spikes my temperature and excites me, quite unsettling. He's staring at me and I can't tear away. I can't move. I'm transfixed. I need to say something. Ask him what's wrong, get him to stop staring at me so heatedly.

"Edward, I..."

"I love you, Bella."

I'm so thrown that I gape at him. Searching his face. Mentally going over check points on my body to make sure I'm not dead.

I'm not. My heart is beating wildly in my chest.

I can see it in his eyes. He means it. They're bright and clear and he's smiling just for me. He loves me.

At this moment, there is no one else. It's just me and Edward.

"I just couldn't see it. I didn't really know what true love was until you came along. I see mom and dad and I know they love each other. I know they're soul mates, but it's one thing to see it for someone else and to _feel_ it for yourself. I know that shit now. Now that I have you, that I have love, I know I can't fucking let you go. I love you."

I smile wide as the confession of his love washes over me and bathes me in a warm shower of bliss. Nothing in this world has ever sounded so beautiful to my ears.

_He loves me._

"I love you, Edward."

He lets out a heavy breath before leaning down and kissing my lips. I mold myself to him, getting as close as I can. Committing every part of this to memory. You never forget the first time someone tells you they love you. In thirty years, I want to remember this moment, this feeling, this happiness.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm sorry it took me so long."

"Shut up and just love me!"

He smiles that wicked grin of his that makes the butterflies in my stomach fly around. "Always." And he seals it with a kiss.

The music has stopped, but we only just realize when Rosalie's voice fills the room. She gives a toast to her parents with Emmett by her side. She also shares her own anecdote about how she learned to love from them. Edward leads us back to our table and we sit down just as Rose finishes.

I'm still stunned and completely wrapped up in what just happened between us on the dance floor. Amazingly, I feel light as air. I catch Alice's eye and she mouths "did he?" to which I nod and she all but squeals out loud.

Rosalie finishes her speech and heads back towards our table, but she keeps walking towards the doors. Then, Alice grabs my hand and tells me she needs my help in the bathroom. Before I can protest, I'm on my feet and skidding towards the exit and being yanked into the ladies room.

"What the hell, Ali?"

"Bella! Oh my god! How do you feel?"

"What?"

"Didn't Edward just tell you he loves you? I swear he must have. You said he did when I asked. And that completely dazed and dazzled look on your face. He's been acting extra strange all night. Please tell me he did."

"He did."

"Well?" Rosalie asks, exiting the stall and startling me as she heads towards the sink.

"Uhm, well. I feel light as air and so, so happy. It was perfect. So perfectly him. Just one long string of explanation, complete with curses. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard."

"Oh, Bella! I am so happy for you," Alice cries as she pulls me into a hug. Then she turns to the mirror and makes sure her mascara hasn't started to run from her tears.

"You're perfect for each other. Some of the guests keep asking about you guys. Saying how remarkable you are as a couple. I have to agree," Rose states. "Plus, I have never seen my brother so happy. And we all know he is pretty damn pleased with himself."

We all laugh at her statement, because it's true. It's true and I like it.

"I have to get back out there. I'll see you ladies tomorrow for the spa stuff," Rosalie says as she leaves the restroom.

"What does she mean see us tomorrow? The party is still going on."

"Bella, I don't think you're going to be at the party much longer."

"What? Why? I'm having fun."

"Would you rather have to regale people with the exciting world of Forks or take your boyfriend upstairs and show him what he's been missing while he's been a chaste prude for the last several months."

"Alice!" That's really all I can say because she does have a point.

We leave the bathroom and Edward is standing there. As if he knew I was in there talking about him.

"Did you give her all the _gushy_ details?" He asks with a sly smirk. I look at him, but say nothing. "Come on, Bella. I know you did. You tell Alice everything." He's moving towards me, backing me against the wall.

"Not everything."

"Oh yeah? What don't you tell her then?"

"Well, I don't tell her the sexual stuff."

"No?" I shake my head in confirmation. Except I know I'm lying because I do tell her everything, but it feels weird to admit that.

"So you never told her about the first time I fucked you with my fingers and you came hard against my hand? Or about straddling my lap and grinding us both into oblivion that Sunday when we were at Jasper's watching football? You know they have to wonder where we disappeared to."

A soft moan manages to pass my lips at the weight of his words. Edward flashes me that devilish grin. He knows what he's doing to me.

I realize he's got me pressed into the wall to the side of the bathroom, hidden from the general view of passers by as he speaks. His face is getting closer and closer to mine, as his low melodic voice and his body continue to press his point home.

"How about when she made us all watch that stupid movie about the two fighting brides and you jerked me off under the blanket?" He leans forward and whispers in my ear, his warm breath tickling my skin.

"And I bet you told her about the first time you had your pussy eaten. Ever." His nose is skimming from my ear to my chin, slow and soft, intermittent with tiny bites. He's slowly setting my body on a slow, delicious burn.

A small whimper escapes my lips and I push my hips forward slightly. There is less than an inch of space between us and my hips lightly brush his crotch.

I lean forward and kiss him, wrapping my arms around his neck. It's a kiss of want and need, expressing through my mouth how the rest of my body feels.

"Do you want to go back?" he asks as he trails his lips down to my neck. I shake my head. "Tell me, Bella."

"No. No, I don't want to go back. Just us. Please?"

He searches my face for a minute before taking my hand in his and leading us towards the elevators. He holds me in his arms, my back against his torso as we ride up towards the room. All my senses are aware of every little thing going on. The feel of every muscle in his chest, the erection pressing into my back, every line in his hands tracing over the skin of my arms. Every hair and inch of skin responding to his touch. Every breath, every heartbeat.

I reach up on my toes to kiss his neck as he slides the key into the door, then he captures my lips with his. Our tongues dart out to meet one another in the middle of a passionate kiss between two people who love each other.

_We're in love._

I have to stop myself from squealing out loud at the thought.

He pushes the door open and walks me in backwards as we keep kissing and clearly, neither one of us is prepared to let go.

My back is against the dresser now. We're still kissing at a frenzied pace. Edward's jacket has hit the floor and I've managed to flip my heels off somewhere. I reach up to undo the buttons of his shirt when he stills my hands.

"I didn't tell you that I love you for this."

"I know."

"I do love you."

"I know."

"I do want this."

"Me too."

"But it wasn't some bullshit means to an end. You need to know."

"I know," I reply and go back to kissing him. Sometimes, he talks too much.

He slips his arms out of his shirt and starts to pepper kisses across my nose, down my jaw, to my neck and across my exposed cleavage.

"You are so fucking beautiful, Bella. I've never wanted anyone so fucking badly."

"Have me then. All of me."

We continue to undress. My hands shake as I reach for the button on his tuxedo pants and he grabs them, placing kisses on each fingertip before placing my hands on his bare chest.

"I didn't plan this, Bella. I don't have a condom or anything."

"I don't care."

It's true. I don't. I know he's clean. He's too obsessive not to be. I know I'm clean and I've been on birth control for years at Mrs. Brandon's insistence. It doesn't escape me that I always insisted Mike wear one. He always did, except the last time. I squeeze my eyes shut tight to block out those thoughts. Not here. Not now.

He kisses me fiercely then. His hands come around my back and slide my zipper down in a quick and smooth motion as my hands grip his hair, then slide down his chest over tight muscle and to his waist to undo his pants. The shaking has stopped and I've managed to flick the button open and unroll the zipper.

I push the pants and his boxers off his hips and they fall to the floor at the same time my dress slides from my body into a pile of soft fabric at my feet. I'm now standing in front of him in just my panties as the dress Alice gave me does not allow for a bra. His head bows towards my throat and collarbone, trailing kisses from shoulder to shoulder, dipping to my breast. I sigh, my back bends backward, my hand fists in his hair, my hips press against his, he growls as he's sucking on my nipple and murmurs something sounding Italian.

"Sei cosi dolce..."

I can only whimper, wetness pooling between my legs...

He's staring at me, drinking me in and I really want to get to the next part, I know he does too. So I slip out of my panties and shyly wait for whatever is going to happen next.

I've seen bits and parts of Edward before. His bare chest when we sleep at night. His muscular legs that peek out from under his running shorts. The strength in his arms always apparent as his sleeves are normally rolled up to his elbows. Looking at him now, completely naked in all his gorgeous glory, I now know that those bits and pieces hardly do this beautiful man justice.

I reach out a tentative hand and brush it across the vertical length of the 'V' marked into his toned flesh that leads to my second favorite thing about Edward. The first being his heart.

Edward groans and lifts me up, latching his lips to mine. I wrap my legs around his waist as he spins us around so my back is facing the bed now. He lowers me down, but I don't detach myself from him for a moment as I acclimate to the now spinning ceiling. After a moment, my legs and arms fall to the side and I lay there.

Edward is leaning over me, settled between my open thighs. There is nothing between us and I'm laid bare and open for him. My body, heart and soul are his.

He's holding himself up with one, very toned arm and looking down at me, his hand ghosting across my ribs, over my hips, causing them to buck towards his involuntarily. His hands leave a trail of red hot goose bumps. I am on fire for this man.

_Love_.

How I've never truly seen it before, I don't know, but I can see it now. It's like his admission of love completely removed the mask from his face and it is now staring back at me. Unmistakable for anything but pure, unfiltered, raw expression of love.

He leans down to kiss me and I wrap my arms around his neck as his tongue teases my bottom lip and he whispers on my mouth:

"Sei cosi soffice..."

I moan in response holding him tighter, pressing my body to his.

"Are you sure, baby?" he asks, his lips never leaving mine. I'll never get used to the thrill I get when he calls me 'baby'.

"Yes," I whisper with a nod, "I'm one hundred percent sure."

His weight shifts as one hand trails down my side, across my hips and between my legs. It lingers for a minute at the tops of my thighs before dipping down and pressing against me. I feel my stomach clench at the contact.

An elegant finger finds it's way to the tip of my clit and a shiver rolls through me along with a soft moan.

"I don't think I can stay away from you this time. I don't think I can stop."

"Then don't try."

He lines himself up at my entrance. The anticipation is almost killing me. I can feel him nudging forward slightly and it's about all the waiting I can take. "You're so fucking wet," he groans, "I can smell you. It's intoxicating."

I want to tell him that I'm always wet and it's all for him. I want to say that only he can do this to me with even just the thought of his smile. Instead, I'm locked in a mind numbing gaze that makes my heart beat just a little too fast.

With his eyes locked on mine, he softly and gently presses his hips forward and he's sheathed inside me. Lock and key. He lets out a deep groan and I gasp because it almost hurts. It's been a long time since I last had sex. Even then, I'd only ever been with Mike. Despite the fact that he is considerably smaller than Edward, any normal girl would probably be having a similar experience right now. Physically anyway. Because I highly doubt you can replicate the emotional connectivity we have.

He's still for a moment, my eyes are clamped shut for no necessary reason at all.

"Bella? Baby, look at me." I open my eyes and they lock with his shining green ones. "Relax. I won't hurt you. Let me show you how it's supposed to be," he says softly against my skin. The love staring back at me is searing and beautiful. One of his hands is ghosting on my hip and thigh and then he lifts my legs higher on his hip, changing the angle and the feel... oh!

All these emotions swirl within me. Anxiety, happiness, trust, love, lust, longing, triumph...

Most of all, I can't deny that I want this. That I _need_ this. I just have to let my mind go and feel.

I let myself relax. Focusing on the weight of him over me, his intoxicating scent, the electricity that crackles between us. Shelving my thoughts and letting my heart lead my soul. Feeling the love I have for him, the same love that I now know he shares for me. This is what matters. Nothing that has happened to me in the past is important right now. Only Edward. Only us.

"Fuck! Bella, I can't. I need...I can't." I just nod, letting him know I'm okay.

It's not too fast, it's not too slow. It's perfect. Like he knows me, knows my body. Can sense what I need and want even though we have never been in this place before.

The way he licks at my neck and grinds against me when he's in as full and deep as he can go. How he sets the perfect rhythm to allow me to match him thrust for thrust, sending us both into the celestial space of glorious sex. The fact that he doesn't neglect me like I have been in the past. My lips are kissed, my collar bone is licked, my nipples are laved. Every inch of me is taken care of.

I moan and whimper under his attention. My back arches as his hard cock thrusts into me, making me squirm with heat and desire.

"Oh, Edward, I...I..." I can barely speak or utter a coherent thought. I want to tell him I love him. I love the way he makes me feel. I want to tell him how long I've waited for love like his. For sex to be more than just an act. I can't. He's rendered me speechless.

"Perfetta per me! So fucking perfect," he whispers against my lips.

He entwines my fingers with his and rests them above my head, covering me completely. The combined sensation of his harder and deeper thrusts and the full body skin contact is making me somewhat delirious. I can feel the edges of my orgasm fast approaching, but I don't want it. It's bitter sweet and I want to hold onto it forever.

My body arches and my heels dig into his back as I can't hold out anymore and the blissful wave washes over me.

"I love you, Bella. Only you." Edward whispers in my ear as I cry out in pure ecstasy at the sheer force of the orgasm ripping through me right now. Unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life.

"Fuuuuucckk!" Edward growls a moment later when his thrusts become erratic just before his hips still for just a second. It's an amazing feeling to be able to feel him as he comes. Experience how good I make him feel, but I'm sure it pales in comparison to what he has given me.

I can't believe myself, but I start to cry. Not because he hurt me. Not because I'm sad. I cry because I'm happy. Soft and happy tears. I cry because for once, I don't feel guilty or dirty after sex. I want more, but not because I have a selfish lover and was left unsatisfied.

I cry because all those stupid cliches about stars and white lights and nirvana are true. They're true when you share the most intimate experience with the one person you were always meant to share it with. I cry because I found that person and if everything in my life that has happened was meant to lead me here, I'd go through it all again. If the road I traveled was the only way to Edward, I'd take it again and again without question.

I used to think there was no such thing as perfect sex, but I was wrong. Perfect, utterly mind blowing, euphoric sex is not just done with the body. It incorporates all of you and that other person and together you are complete.

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**A/N**

**Thank you for reading!**

**xx**

**_Translations_**

piccolina - little one  
sei cosi dolce = you taste so sweet  
sei cosi soffice = you are so soft  
Perfetta per me! = Perfect for me!

"school supplies" is marijuana

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	39. Ch 38: Violent Delights Have Violent End

**A/N**

**cclore and PhoenixMP3 are the very patient angels who keep Edward in line.**

**Disclaimer: All Twilight related stuff belongs to S. Meyer.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 38: Violent Delights Have Violent Ends**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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"Bella, baby, please don't cry."

I shift so that my arms are wrapped around her, but I'm still inside her. I can't seem to make myself break away. She's so fucking tight and warm and soft. The perfect fit. I will forever and always remember the sight, the smell, the feel, the sound, even the taste of the air as she came undone around me.

I'm in trouble.

So much fucking trouble.

I think I always knew sex with Bella would be the best fucking thing, but now that I actually know, I'm in trouble. I can already see myself not letting her out of bed. I'm such an asshole.

She's not sobbing or shaking or anything like I've seen her do before. She's just kind of quiet, but I can see the tears glistening on her cheeks. I lean down and kiss them, one at a time.

_Emmett would have my balls if he saw me right now._

"What is it?"

"It's nothing. Just...it's perfect. I'm so overcome with happiness."

"So you cry? I have to say that tears and shit after sex is not good for my fucking ego."

"Shut up, Edward!" She laughs and it causes her pussy to clench around me, and I have to fight myself as I feel my dick getting hard again. I need to make sure she's really okay.

Like a good boyfriend should.

"Seriously, you're okay?"

"I've never been better. I love you."

I roll to my side, effectively detaching us from each other and my groan drowns out her sigh at the separation. I pull her to my side and cover us with the soft blanket on the bed. Idly, my hand plays in her hair and her fingers are dancing across my chest and stomach. Cuddling after sex, let's add that to the list of new experiences for me this year.

It's silent and I find myself reflecting on us. I told her that I love her.

_Finally_.

When did I figure it out? I think deep down, I always knew. I think a dormant part of me always knew that Isabella Marie Swan is my everything.

When did that part wake up? It started to toss and turn in it's hibernated slumber, probably, when Bella came to Eclipse to see The Gingers. When I think about loving her, that night just sticks out in my mind. Watching her be so fucking care free and less cagey, having such a good time, made me happy.

It wasn't until Jasper called me out on being a possessive asshole that it finally started to come into conscious thought. From there, everything started to make sense. From my need to protect her, my grouchiness when she isn't around, the shit about telling off my sister for her. Seeing the most inane shit and being reminded of her. Like the morning I went to Starbucks and this lady was getting her personal mug refilled and it was this odd pink color. A color very similar to Bella's blush.

_A fucking coffee mug!_

Being around other women and just not giving a shit that their tits would be hanging out or their ass was visible because they didn't belong to Bella. Sleeping in a bed without fucking her because I just couldn't hurt her or lead her on. When I would think about the future, she was always in the shit. Just recently, I was talking to Jazz and Emmett about maybe going somewhere for a weekend or maybe a cruise this summer or some shit and everything revolved around Bella. I found myself wondering what kind of vacation time she could get or if her boss would let her take work with her in case she didn't have any. Otherwise, I wasn't fucking going anywhere if she couldn't.

It started to drive me a little crazy. I admit to being a little glad when Jasper's dad had the heart attack. Not for the heart attack itself, but because it created a way for me to be super busy and stop driving myself batshit crazy over the thoughts and _feelings_ I could no longer fucking control.

I was hanging out with Jasper earlier this week; Emmett was with Rosalie as she's been in town for my parents' party. So Jasper and I went over to Elysian Fields and basically got stupid. As in, drank too fucking much and talked even more. He was telling me how Alice is the one for him, how crazy he felt to want to propose to her and how he didn't want to trap her into anything. He told me he was scared of being a repeat of his father and with the shit going on with his family now, he didn't want her to think it was a way of keeping her tied to him after the way his mother treated her.

Yeah, Jasper knows about the way Charlotte treats Alice and he hates that shit. It actually caused a bit of a problem between him and his mother when he confronted her about it.

I told him that he was fucking crazy to want to propose at our age, but that he wasn't crazy to just know Alice was _the one_ for him.

That's when it hit me, hard, like a fucking steel-toed boot to the chest.

In my head, I never planned it this way. I never meant to tell her like this. Not tonight at my _parents'_ anniversary party, in a room full of people she doesn't even fucking know. I never intended for the first time we...I guess _made love_, because _fuck_ doesn't encompass what we just did, it just sounds better, to have been in a hotel room. All fucking cold and impersonal.

Two days ago when I finally got a fucking clue and could actually say "I love Bella," I imagined something much more romantic. Candles, lavender bubble baths, Grey Goose on ice. Shit like daisies and cherry-vanilla candies. I'd play music like The Script, Blue Foundation or Portishead and I'd cook for her. Because that's what Bella likes. I'd feed her, because I like that shit. And probably at my place because there is no Alice there. Some kind of grand gesture shit. Fuck knows she deserves it, she's been waiting for my ass to catch up all this time. In this moment, she seems happy. So I'm not going to ruin it bitching about shit I can't fix.

I'm still going to give her all that romantic shit and more. Because Bella is worth all that shit and then some.

But when I saw her, when she entered that room, my heart exploded in my chest and I knew I had to tell her. It took a lot of goddamn effort to not pick her up and haul her ass out of that room. After not seeing her all day, I wanted to keep her to myself. Even if we just sat on the balcony outside our room and talked. I'm sure there would have been ice cream. Bella loves ice cream in the cold. I played her song, not even the song I intended to play. Luckily, I had the song I wrote for my parents in the same song book so the pianist could take over for me. I didn't really think I just felt. I went with it and I told her.

I feel conflicted as part of me is fucking outraged at the thought of Bella ever having been with someone else. Someone else kissing those flawless lips, pinching her perfect pink nipples. Someone else sliding their inadequate dick into her slick pussy for her first time and any time after that. I can feel the anger rearing its ugly fucking head. Then the other part, the less possessive motherfucker, is completely fucking baffled at how there could _only_ be one. How could so many guys overlook her?

She is perfection personified.

Fuck me for being so self-absorbed and never really noticing her before. She never would have met Mike and she could have always been mine. I hate Mike Newton. She should have always fucking been mine. I should have been her first. I should have been the one to show her what love is. Not that selfish, tainted bullshit he was toting around. Fucker! You never forget your first and I want Bella to forget all about Mike.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Bella asks, rising up on her arm and looking down at me. "Don't say 'nothing' either. You should know by now you can't lie to me."

I stare at her for a minute, noting the soft expression in her soulful brown eyes and relishing in the gentle touch of her soft hands. One of which I grab, placing a soft kiss against the wrist. I contemplate what to say, how to say it. Then I decide, fuck it. I'm just going to say what the hell I was thinking.

"I wish I could have been your first. I should have been."

I've always been the type to just say whatever the fuck I'm thinking. No point in stopping that now. Well, except for when I clearly have no fucking clue what's going on. Like the whole _love_ thing or even the _like_ thing from months ago.

"With you, it was like my first time. How it should have been. How I will _always_ remember it." Looking into her eyes, I know she means that shit. Bella can't lie, but she really believes it. It's not an attempt to stroke my fucking ego. She leans down and captures my lips with hers, pressing her body into mine and I can feel her hardened nipples against my chest.

"If you keep that up, you're going to have a big problem."

"Oh, I think I can handle that," she says with a giggle.

She laughs louder as I flip her over and hover over her with a menacing grin. "We may never leave this hotel room."

She shrugs. "I have all I want right here." She wraps her arms around me and pulls me closer.

I don't think Bella is going to make it to the spa with my mother, Ali and Rose tomorrow.

I'm sure I don't give a shit.

**~F&FS~**

"Turn it off. That sound is so fucking annoying!"

"It's Alice."

"I know. Who else could have a fucking show tune as a ringtone. Alice has had you for twenty-three years, baby. It's my turn now. She can wait."

Bella laughs as I continue to place kisses down her chest, roll my tongue around her nipples and watch them harden even more at the attention, then begin to move further down her body. She sighs contentedly as her hands make their way into my hair.

Fuck the real world. This, right now, this shit is what's real to me.

Her phone rings again.

"Ignore it," I whisper, tracing the shell of her belly button with my tongue. Her phone has been ringing non-stop for fucking ever now. Mine rang a couple of times. Also Alice, but I'm too occupied to give a shit. The spa appointment was hours ago, so I have no idea why she's calling.

We could turn our phones off, but that will require moving from this bed and that shit isn't happening. Unless I can interest Bella in a wall or maybe the top of the desk.

Moving to the tops of Bella's thighs, I lick across the crease where it meets her hip and Bella jumps.

"Edward, stop teasing me!" she pouts and I chuckle against her skin.

My phone rings this time. Fucking _Fraggle Rock_. Emmett. I ignore it.

Because watching Bella squirm at my touch is so much fucking fun, I continue to kiss and lick my way down her leg. She giggles when I reach her right knee and I lift it up slightly to be sure to kiss the back of it because I know she likes that shit. I can feel the muscles in her body contract with anticipation and then relax at my touch.

_"Dance your cares away. Worries for another Day. Let the music play."_

_"Dance your cares away. Worries for another Day. Let the music play."_

_"Dance your cares away. Worries for another Day. Let the music play."_

"Fuck!" With a kiss to her thigh and a low groan, I begrudgingly detach myself and go to the other side of the king size bed, towards the nightstand to grab my phone. Only because it's Emmett and I have to believe that he would never voluntarily cockblock me, so this has to be important for him to keep calling. I need to get to the bottom of it so I can get back to keeping Bella hostage.

"Em, this better be fucking life or death."

_"It's about time."_

"Because if it isn't..."

"_Sorry to call..."_

"I'm going to royally kick your fucking ass."

_"Edward! Shut the fuck up!"_ Emmett bellows into the phone.

"Fuck. What?"

_"Jesus fucking Christ. You talk too much. Listen, you need to get to Forks. It's Peter. He's uh...he's dead."_

"What the fuck? Why didn't anyone call?"

_"You're kidding right? Alice has been calling forever."_

Oh, that. She did call.

_"Listen, bro. Jasper is trying to keep Charlotte together and Alice is keeping Jasper together, but no one is here to keep Alice in one piece. And somehow, word got out because it's like half of Forks has made the journey through the fucking woods to get to the Whitlock's house. Rosie and I are trying to keep people back until 9-1-1 gets here."_

"How?"

_"Dude, just come on!"_

"Alright, give us ten minutes and we're on our way."

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck! Fucking shit!" I grind out, hanging up my phone.

"What?" I turn to look at Bella and she's sitting up in bed with the sheet wrapped around her chest. She is so goddamn beautiful. Hair all over the place, cheeks flushed. Fuck! Can we not just get a motherfucking break?

"Get dressed," I say, hopping out of bed. "It's Peter. We have to get to Forks. He fucking kicked the bucket sometime last night or some shit."

"Oh my god!" Bella gasps before she hops out of bed like someone lit her ass on fire. She runs to her bag and starts to toss some clothes on.

In eight minutes, we're downstairs and valet is bringing my car up. Good thing I called them while Bella was in the bathroom.

**~F&FS~**

Pulling up to Jasper's parents' house, I turn to look at Bella and she's just staring out the window.

"How? I mean, he was fine two days ago when Alice and I stopped by for Jasper."

I just shrug. I have no reason for her.

We get out and Bella is shooting dirty looks at the Forks gossip crew that have managed to gather on the lawn around the Whitlock's home. He can't have been dead that long. I have to wonder how people just know this shit. Are they paparazzi stalking Forks royalty or some shit?

"It's so awful," she whispers as I pull her to me, "the night my parents were murdered, I remember crowds and crowds of people. Where were they when the gun shots went off? Who knows how long I was there before someone came? But as soon as the coast was clear, they all gathered around to see what happened. Fucking vultures!"

A chill runs through me at the anger in her tone. I hold her tighter to me, praying to who the fuck knows that she doesn't break down because this is going to be bullshit enough as it is.

When we get inside, Emmett is standing just inside the door with Rosalie, who has a cordless phone in her hand. Just as we enter, the phone rings and she answers "no comment," and then hangs up.

"Honestly, people have no fucking scruples!" she hisses and Emmett runs a soothing hand down her arm.

Bella detaches herself from me and runs off, seeing Alice in the distance. She hugs her best friend and I look to their left and see mine. Sitting on the stairs, hunched over, staring at the ground is Jasper. I move towards him and sit down next to him on the stairs. We sit in silence for a while and then Bella takes Alice, after some protesting on Alice's part, and they start to walk away.

Jazz lets out a shuddered breath as he picks himself up to sit up straight.

"He's gone."

I nod and more silence follows.

"It's poetic really. He was yelling at her, smacking her and he just stopped and collapsed. They're saying his heart gave out. They told him about his stress level, but of course he didn't listen. Oh no, Peter Whitlock knows better, hah!"

I can hear the anger and sadness in his voice. The hate and the pain. The hint of vindication.

"What ends up getting him? His broken heart, as if he ever had one to begin with."

"The asshole can't touch you now, J. He can't hurt you or your mom or anyone." It's the only thing I can think of to say. I know it won't make him feel any better, but it's a matter of fact that I don't want him to forget as he processes what has happened.

"I'm a monster, E. How many times over the years have I wished him dead? How many ways have I thought of killing him myself? What if I turn out like him? What if I hurt Ali? What kind of example have I had?"

"You won't." Fuck this shit is hard. It's like he carries the emotions of the world on his shoulders and when they hit him, they fucking hit him hard. Nothing is in small doses with him.

"How can you be sure? Are you some kind of fortune telling, mind reader?" I open my mouth to respond, but I'm cut off.

"Because you've had us." I look up at the familiar voice of my father walking in our direction. "I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but you spent far more time in my house than his and you'd never see me lay a hand on my family."

"What if it's genetic? Maybe I'll turn thirty and something will snap."

"Oh, honey," Esme starts, kneeling down to get in his face, "never, ever could that be you. You are like my very own child and I see great compassion and strength in you. Your heart is pure and giving. You could never hurt the ones you love."

He leans his head on her shoulder and she runs her hands down his back in a comforting gesture. Charlotte loves Jasper, but she's so wrapped up in her own shit that she has never been able to give him the support and comfort that he needs. Carlisle asks where Charlotte is just as Alice comes back, telling us she's upstairs with the police and paramedics and that they've already spoken to Jasper.

Carlisle heads up in his doctor role and I stay on the stairs right next to Jasper in silent support. Just like when we were kids and he would show up in the spare bed in my room.

**~F&FS~**

The next few days fly by in a flurry. Rosalie cancels her next photo shoot to be able to stay and lend a hand, which turns out to be great as she really is good at fielding reporters and that kind of bullshit. She is perfect to stay at the Whitlock's to stop nosy neighbors who keep stopping by under the guise of dropping off a fucking casserole or a goddamn cake.

I have to marvel at Alice and Bella. One would never guess they are barely keeping it together, just by looking at them. They are able to work seamlessly in helping organize funeral plans. Charlotte pretty much locks herself in her room, so she is of no fucking help at all. Fucking figures. Alice, Bella and my mom are a force to be reckoned with as they coordinate with the funeral home, pick out flowers and the casket, setup a reception for after the burial, etc.

That is during the day. At night, Bella cries. She cries until her little body can't take anymore and then passes out. Her nightmares are awful, making her even more tired. But she insists on helping. I actually had to hold her down one night when she was kicking and screaming so she wouldn't hurt herself. She snapped at me on day two, when I suggested she take a break and let me help. Told me I needed to be Jasper's Alice, which she explained meant that when her parents died, Alice was all she had. I needed to be that for Jasper.

Once again, I tried to talk to her about seeing someone. Like a therapist or some shit. Not a good idea. Once she started talking to me again, she said enough to tell me that if she went to therapy, she was afraid she'd lose herself again. The look in her eyes made my chest ache so fucking bad, I just dropped it.

So, Emmett, Jasper and I, feeling irrelevant, often find ourselves just sitting around. Sometimes, when he's not working, my dad joins us. We attempt to keep Jasper lighthearted, but there is only so much you can do for someone who is grieving. So mostly, we sit around or we spend time outside when he feels all the shit flying around indoors is too suffocating.

I know that part of Jasper's problem is the unknown. When Peter was in the hospital, Jasper told Emmett and I that he suspected his brother was in the area. He didn't want Alice or Bella to know because he wasn't sure, so he took us outside to tell us.

Apparently, he got a shitton of matchbox cars in the mail for his birthday. When we were kids, Jasper loved matchbox cars. It was something that his brother had a collection of, but Jasper was never allowed to play with. In time, he got a few of his own and he would carry them with him everywhere. My parents had a tradition of getting us a monthly gift and being part of the family, Jasper was included with that and matchbox cars were often his gift.

At some point, it graduated to remote control cars, but he always kept his matchbox cars because he is a sentimental motherfucker. The significance of the box full that he received on his birthday wasn't lost on us. But that wasn't all.

For Christmas, he got a set of Mario Brothers games for the original Nintendo game system. James always let Jasper win at Mario Bros.

It's like someone has been playing out his childhood for him.

Over the last few months, little things have been making Jasper think James was back. He was constantly looking over his shoulder, checking to see if he was being followed, but coming up with nothing. It was making him anxious, which explained a lot of his erratic behavior lately. Like the goddamn pacing in front of my door at Eclipse. I'm so fucking glad he stopped that shit.

He doesn't know for sure if James is back or what it would mean if he is. Is he even still alive? What kind of man is he now? Was he here to hurt Jasper or help him? Good or bad? James had been routinely abused by Peter and that kind of thing can fuck with a person's head. So Jasper is torn between wanting to see his long lost brother and wanting him to stay away because he has enough shit in his life.

The day of the burial, what a shit show. You don't need to be a mind reader to see what everyone is thinking. Fear, anguish, love, hate, love, fear, pity.

Esme works her magic and manages to get Charlotte out of bed and dressed for the day. I imagine she uses that same voice she used to use on me as a kid when I asked for five more minutes in the morning that turned to thirty minutes.

It's a rainy day in Forks. As if any other fucking kind of day in Forks exists - the wettest fucking place in the Continental US. I don't really hear a word the minister is saying. I'm far too invested in making sure Bella doesn't flip out. It didn't occur to me until she told me last night, but the last funeral she attended was her parents'. The Whitlock's burial plot is in the same cemetery. Although she visits her parents' grave site regularly, a completely different set of emotions come out as you watch a person get lowered into the ground.

Besides, anyone who knew Peter Whitlock, the real Peter Whitlock, knows he was a coward of a man with a black soul and a calloused heart. Fuck all that good tidings and he's in a better place bullshit. The minister concludes and Esme guides Charlotte over to leave a rose on his casket and I laugh a little to myself when I catch Alice rolling her eyes. I know it's not funny, but really? The man had a hobby of kicking her ass and she's sad he's gone?

I know, I know. Battered wife syndrome and the co-dependent personality, but fuck!

The gossip gang stands around until they decide it's far too fucking cold and too damn wet and they start to leave, making their way to the reception at the house. Esme starts to lead Charlotte down the path, with Carlisle following closely behind her. Rosalie has already left; she wanted to make sure that no one would fuck with shit while in the Whitlock's home.

Bella and Alice choose to go too, saying Esme will have her hands full with Charlotte and they need to help. I kiss Bella and hold her to me, trying to convey to her how fucking happy I am to have her. How proud of her I am for getting through this shit, even if she smacks me around at night while she thrashes about. I really just want to rewind time and stay in the cocoon of our hotel room a few days ago, but I know time bends for no man. I watch as she and Alice drive away, leaving the last limo for us.

And now there are three. Jasper stands, staring down into the hole that contains his father's corpse. Emmett and I walk up and stand on either side of him.

Jasper takes a deep breath and a small smile creeps onto his face.

"Feeling better already?" Emmett asks and Jasper nods.

"Yeah. It's like, him being there, in the ground, it finally clicked that he's gone and took his bullshit with him. I'm ten times the man my father ever was."

"Don't fucking forget it," I reply, punching him in the shoulder, just fucking glad to have him almost back to normal.

"Ain't this just a picture of cute. Sorry I'm late, but I guess my save the date card got lost in the mail."

The three of us spin around at the sound of a familiar, but long forgotten voice.

James.

He's back.

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**A/N**

Bet you saw that coming.

Emmett's ringtone on Edward's phone is the Fraggle Rock theme song. What can I say? I'm an 80's kid.

In case you've forgotten, Alice's ringtone on Bella's phone is Popular from Wicked the Musical.

Elysian Fields is a pub in Seattle that my beta PhoenixMP3 discovered.

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**


	40. Ch 39: Subtleties

**A/N:**

F&FS hit 1500 reviews today. Thank you!

cclore and PhoenixMP3 wield the red pen and tell me that they love me. That's good enough for me.

**Disclaimer- I don't own it; it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 39: Subtleties**

**Bella Swan POV**

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"Who's that?"

"Oh my god," Alice breathes as she looks up in the same direction that I'm staring. "That's James Whitlock."

"Jasper's brother?" Alice nods in agreement. I find myself staring in his direction, wondering to myself about him. I've been in this house for days and I haven't even so much as seen one photo of him. It's almost like he doesn't exist. Or didn't, because clearly he does since I'm looking right at him. A pair of steely grey eyes meet mine and I suddenly feel cold. I break eye contact and go back to pouring tea into the glasses in front of me.

"Everything alright?" Esme asks, stepping over to the buffet table we have set up to replace a platter of finger sandwiches and orzo salad with feta and tomatoes that I made, which were already devoured by the vulturous guests.

"Fine," Alice and I both state at the same time and Esme gives us a curious look. It's not like we don't have a habit of sharing the same thoughts. Sometimes I think Alice and I share a brain.

"Death is just hard, ya know?" I shrug. Esme pulls me into a sideways hug, the warmth of her embrace taking away the chill I felt moments ago.

"I know it is, _cara_. You're doing so well." She gives me a small smile and it amazes me that I actually do feel better. She clearly passed that soothing characteristic along to Edward.

"Bella?"

I look up and see Edward standing in the archway that leads from the main hall into the dining room. He's leaning against the door jamb, arms folded across his chest and watching me. His look is soft and full of concern and I don't want him to worry about me. I'm fine, really. Just a little sad.

He moves to walk toward me and I smile because him moving toward me is like the first sunshine after a snow storm. It makes all the darkness of previous days seem like a distant memory as you bask in the pristine glow of the sparkling magnificence before you.

"What's wrong?" he asks as he stops in front of me, stepping to block my view of anyone else. He's like a shield.

"I'm fine." He quirks a brow. Edward hates the word fine. "I'm just a little sad, but I promise I'm okay." I don't tell him about the chill I got from James. It doesn't seem relevant as I get similarly skeeved out feelings around most men; especially men I don't know. I look up at him; I'm wearing heels, but he will always tower over me. His eyes are searching mine and I don't turn away. I'm not ashamed to be sad. Being sad is better than being numb.

Edward must find what he's looking for because he strokes my cheek softly and leans down to kiss me gently. It's a sweet kiss, one that won't draw too much attention, but conveys his love for me nonetheless. I've decided these simple kisses are Edward's way to show that he cares about me. That I'm not just some random screw or something to pass the time. They mean no less or no more than his normally intense kisses, but they show a side of him most people don't see. Him showing me this means everything.

I spend most of my time in the kitchen. Being in the same space with mourners and gossipers just makes my skin crawl. I can't do it. I'm tired and I really just want to go back in time a few days, back to being in the hotel with Edward. It's a conspiracy; I'm sure of it. I don't think we even got twenty-four hours before the next apocalypse hit.

I can still feel everything about our time together. I can feel the way his mouth felt on my skin, his body pressed against mine. The way my heart thumped loudly in my chest as he told me he loved me; the first time and then over and over again. My fingers running through the dampened hairs on his neck. I can still feel what he felt like inside me. I was sore afterwards but in the most heavenly way. Edward had filled me beyond capacity. My heart and my body. I want that back.

Jasper's dad's death is hard on me. Harder than I could ever anticipate. It reminds me a lot of my parents' murder. The sudden departure, the town gawking. Except, Peter Whitlock is essentially responsible for his own death; you can't continue living without a heart. It has really screwed with my sleep and my mind. I try so hard to keep it together because if Edward or Alice even dare suggest I talk to someone one more time, I _am_ going to lose it.

I just don't want to do it. I hate therapy. I spent so much of my childhood in front of a therapist. They tried to pry out any details I had about my parents' murder, tried to assess how I felt - how many times can I say, "I want out!", "I feel like I'm burning from the inside out with grief," "I didn't get to say goodbye"?

How many times could I explain that Mrs. Brandon didn't do the voices right, so I took to reading Alice in Wonderland alone, under the blanket in a room that wasn't really mine. A room that I had to be transported to because someone took my parents away from me. Why couldn't they see that it was important for me to go to Forks Diner every Sunday for pancakes because that was what I did every Sunday with Charlie? There were pity stares when I cried because it wasn't the same; I was no longer sitting on his lap and laughing when a piece of pancake got stuck in his mustache. Then, they wanted to talk about that for months and months.

They would stuff me full of mind numbing medication because I couldn't really get a grip on life. I couldn't get a grip because once, twice, three times a week - depending on my age - I was forced to rehash the pain over and over. I hated it! The first thing I did when I left the Brandon's for college was stop therapy. I am not going back to it.

I'm not going simply because I'm sad or I cry sometimes. I don't like the crying. Sometimes the sadness is overwhelming, but you know what feels worse? Having hazy memories of life. Listening to my friends share high school stories that I should remember, but I don't. Not being able to recall what my favorite toy was as a child. Remembering my therapists names more than my teachers. Wondering how I managed to beat Jane for top spot senior year because I hardly remember graduating in the first place. Losing days, weeks, months at a time from the foggy cloud that hovered over me. The pained look in Edward's eyes when he told me about the first time we met and I had no idea what he was talking about.

Despite the overwhelmingly popular opinion, therapy is not the solution to everything. There are plenty of people who choose not to go or can't afford it and turn out just fine. Talking about what has happened to me doesn't make it go away. It keeps me stuck in the past and takes away my chance to live this life now. It may not be perfect. I will still have nightmares. I'll still miss my parents and I'll always be sensitive about sex, but I won't drown in the despair. The truth is, you never get over things like murder and rape.

"Why don't you kids head home? I can finish up here," Esme startles me as she walks into the kitchen with Edward, and I drop the knife I've been cleaning in the sink, cutting the palm of my hand.

"Shit," I curse under my breath. "Oh god, Oh god." I'm starting to freak out a little, breathing through my mouth to try and block the iron smell from reaching my senses. I squeeze my eyes shut to block the sight of it. I can't cut off the sensation of the blood oozing from my hand. I can feel it slowly trickling across my skin.

"Fuck," I think I hear Edward curse, but I'm starting to get lightheaded and I can't be sure.

_Do not pass out, Bella. Do not pass out. _I chant to myself in my head over and over.

I feel dizzy and I can hear the sound of voices, but they sound far away. I'm sure I feel my body sway for just a moment, but it's gone in an instant as I'm pressed against hard warmth. The iron smell is replaced by a particular scent I love - leather, sweet honeysuckle, masculine musk and fresh air.

"It's okay, baby," he whispers, but I refuse to open my eyes. This is one of the few distinct memories I do remember from high school.

Blood typing. Apparently I missed the announcement that blood typing would be the assignment for the day. I realized it too late and I couldn't get out of the classroom fast enough. I passed out. I came to in the emergency room because Forks High School wasn't well equipped for students on anti-depressive and high anxiety meds. They didn't know what to do with me when I didn't come to in a few minutes.

I am not going to spend tonight in the emergency room.

"Bella, open your eyes." I shake my head against his chest in refusal. "It's over." I clench my eyes shut and then peek one open and look up at him. "I took care of it," he tells me.

Tentatively, I look toward the hand I know I cut, and I see it's been wrapped in a band-aid and some gauze. All traces of blood gone. A quick glance around the room and I see Esme depositing something red in the trash.

With a large sigh, I push myself off of Edward and lean back against the sink for a moment. I run my undamaged hand through my hair and take a deep breath to settle my blood-frazzled nerves.

"Okay, I'm ready to go," I say as Alice and Jasper enter the kitchen with a punch bowl. I'm not sure where Rose and Emmett are, but I think they're already gone. Carlisle is at work.

"People are starting to clear out anyway. I can handle this with Kate." Esme starts to push us all toward the door, stopping to grab our coats from the front hall coat closet. We all say goodbye, Esme hugging and kissing all of us like her own children. Well, Edward is her child and Jasper might as well be. But she shows the same kind of care toward Alice and me. As she rubs my back when I pull away, I'm reminded of my mother. When she would read to me at night, she would always rub her hand along my back.

Instead of being completely sad at that memory, I feel more happy than anything. It's like the day I was cooking with Edward and he commented that I hum and it brought up a buried memory of Renee humming while she cooked or cleaned. Something I had long forgotten. I remember my mother reading to me as a child; it is the reason for my love of books. It's that little detail of the back rub that I forgot and Esme just helped me remember.

I turn around and hug her again, burying my face in her caramel colored hair that is similar to Edward's, but has a more honey brown tint to it.

"Thank you," I whisper, overcome with a good feeling after this very, very draining day.

"_Di niente, piccolina_." I don't even know what she says, but I've heard Carlisle call me that before. I'll have to ask Edward.

We get to my house super fast, of course because Edward is driving, and I basically drag myself up the stairs to my room. Edward says he'll be up in a minute because I asked him to stay the night. I know he would stay anyway and it's kind of assumed at this point, but I feel better when I ask. I trudge up to my room and as I enter, I start to strip off various pieces of clothing. I toss on a t-shirt and crawl into my bed, struggling to keep my eyes open.

I'm certain I fall asleep before my head even hits the pillow.

**~F&FS~**

_I am so, so cold and yet I'm sweating. I'm shaking, my body trying to create some friction that leads to warmth and trying to combat the fear._

_I'm crouched and cramped in this small cabinet, hiding behind freshly laundered linens. I helped mom take the sun kissed towels and sheets down from the line earlier today. She always took advantage of rare sunny days in Forks and line dried the linens._

_"You don't have to do this, son." _

_Daddy? Who is he talking to?_

_"I don't have a choice." A new and muffled voice responded. One I didn't recognize. _

_She screams._

I startle awake as a body racking sob rips through me. In a flash, I'm cradled in Edward's arms. He's still dressed in his clothes from the funeral. Was he not in bed with me? I'm so confused. Waking up from a nightmare is a completely disorienting experience.

Something about this particular dream is...strange. I can't place it.

In a way, I'm glad I woke up. I know what is next. Broken glass, destroyed art work, blood, lifeless bodies. Me, staring into the cold, dead eyes of my father as his body is sprawled out in a protective position by my mother. My sweet, loving, erratic, hair brained mother. She was wearing a yellow nightgown that night. Yellow stained with red. Me, crying for them to wake up.

"Daddy, your eyes are open, why won't you wake up?" I remember asking that through my tears. Part of me knowing they were dead, but at six, not really having the capacity to understand what that meant.

I remember screaming as they pulled me away and the pitiful looks of the observers standing outside to catch a glimpse of the tragic scene. Whispers and stares, weak smiles and confused glances. Yet, somehow, not a single witness to what had occurred that night.

"Breathe, baby," Edward soothes. I take in a deep breath through my nose and let it leave through my mouth. I do this a few times in an attempt to steady myself.

"Where were...did you...were you not here?"

"I just came upstairs."

"What were you doing all this time?"

"Bella, it's been fifteen minutes. You must have passed the fuck out when you got in bed. I heard you when I opened the door and came right to you."

I nod against his chest. He's warm and strong; I can feel his muscles through his clothes. He pushes back against the headboard and takes me with him, where I literally crawl into his lap and bury my face in his neck. I love the feeling of Edward wrapped around me. I like the security and protection it affords, especially at times like these.

"Your parents?" he asks and I nod. Edward is almost as good as Alice at deciphering what kind of nightmare I've awoken from.

"Pretty much the same as always, but I don't want to talk about it now."

Edward sighs and is silent for a moment. "I fucking hate it when you cry. I hate it when you're sad." Edward's hand is drawing lazy figure eights up and down my side, under my t-shirt. I wonder if he feels the hum of my skin.

"Do you feel that?" I ask him.

"What?"

"It's like, you know those really old TVs and how, even when they were off, there was still a little humming buzz that emanated from them?"

"Uh...yeah?"

"That's how my skin feels. It hums for you, near you, because of you. I've always wondered if you could tell?"

Edward laughs softly, "I wasn't aware that your skin hummed. I know it does other things when I touch you. Like that cute as shit blush you have. I feel the goosebumps that pop up and the pop of electricity when we touch."

"I know that when I do this, you sigh." Edward shifts and lifts my hand to kiss my wrist. As if to prove his point, I do sigh.

"And when I do this, I feel the tremor that runs through you." He leans down and places a kiss on the spot just below my ear at the top of my neck.

Edward turns me around, so I'm now straddling his waist. "I know well enough that if I graze your skin with my teeth, you'll moan softly."

I lean forward and press my lips to his, wrapping my arms around his neck and running my fingers through his hair.

"When I do this," I say against his lips, tugging gently, "you groan every time. I love that sound."

Edward kisses me again and runs his hands up my t-shirt to my bare breasts, rolling my nipples and I gasp as my body jerks in reaction. Edward laughs against my lips and then breaks the kiss only long enough to get the shirt over my head.

He flips us over and then starts to kiss me all over. "We're going to play Musical Bella," he says semi-seriously. This sounds dangerous.

"Alice and Jasper will hear us!"

"Hear _you_, princess."

**~F&FS~**

"Ugh, Ali! This is not my idea of fun," I groan as she drags me into the building.

"Oh, be quiet. Exercise never hurt anyone."

"It hurts me."

"I can't imagine why. All that cardio on the _Edward Program_ you get," Alice says with a laugh.

I just stop and gape at her. "I can't believe you said that! What if someone heard you?"

"You clearly have no problem with people hearing you, Bella." She's still laughing as she picks on me. I punch her in the arm and she feigns like I hit her really hard, but she's still laughing. "I'm sorry, Bella. It's just awesome to see you happy and doing fun things like...happy sex. So I can't help but to playfully pick on you."

I know she's not being mean or anything. We've just never done the sex joking thing before, so it catches me off guard. We talk about sex because Ali and I pretty much talk about everything, but this is something totally different. It's a new facet to our relationship.

"Happy sex?"

"Well, the sex you were having with Mike was certainly _not_ happy sex. Even before the whole, ya know..." I wave her off, because I don't want to travel that road. "So yeah, sex with Edward is definitely happy sex for you."

I stare at her and I must look confused because Alice continues to clarify. "You giggle, moan, and scream so much. If Edward ever forgot his name, I'm sure you'd remind him."

"Oh my god!" Alice just laughs harder at my shocked response. I seriously cannot believe she just said that. I mean, I can, but...oh my god!

"Come on, we're going to be late."

Alice continues to drag me down the hallway toward our destination. I'm so mortified by our conversation, I almost forget that she's dragging me to a self-defense class. Apparently, this is Jasper's idea and Alice readily signed us up. Forgetting to ask if I even wanted to do this. Why she ever thought I would be okay with waking up at seven in the morning on a Saturday to sweat it out while kicking a saw dust filled dummy in a mask is beyond me.

By the time the class is over, I'm feeling a sense of rejuvenation. Despite the fact that I fell on my ass a couple times, well four, and I felt like a complete nutjob shouting at a dummy. It was good exercise and I'm really glad I'm getting to spend quality time with Alice. We've been together, but it's been tense with everything going on or there have always been a lot of people around. I've even been toying with the idea of asking her if she wants to have a makeover night, just to spend some time with her.

It's not like I lost her, because I know if I ever needed her, she'd be there. I don't need to see her to know that she will always be there.

As we're leaving the class, we both decide to stop by the diner for food and much needed coffee. No matter how many times I've been here since my childhood, it will always make me think of Charlie. Even if they replace the green vinyl booths with more stylish black pleather ones or add less diner-y things to the menu like crab cakes, fondue plates and salmon nicoise salad. It's still the same old Forks Diner.

It's surprisingly empty as we walk in and then I remember that the less frosty weather brings along more fishing, hunting and camping - the three pastimes of Forks. Alice and I easily grab one of the corner booths and slide in, both of us don't even bother to look at the menu. Chelsea, the regular waitress, walks over and puts down a hot pot of coffee and two freshly cleaned mugs.

"Hey girls, the usual?" she asks and Alice and I both nod. Chelsea smiles at us before walking away to place our order. I watch as she leaves; her golden bun shellacked back with her teased bangs, like she never left the late eighties, always makes me smile.

"That class was fun, don't you think?" Alice asks.

"Yeah, but don't think I'm doing this every Saturday. It's unnatural to be up this early."

"Well, yeah. Especially if Edward is over or something. I'd never get you out of bed," she jokes. I just roll my eyes and shake my head.

"How long have you been waiting to tease me about this? Edward hasn't slept at our place in days."

"That's how long I've been waiting then."

We're both laughing when a familiar voice calls to get our attention.

"Well, if it ain't my two best girls. How are ya darlin'?" Jasper asks me as he places a chaste kiss against my cheek.

"Good," I answer, and I smile at him. I've noticed his Texas accent has become a little more pronounced since James' return. I wonder if James has been in Texas all this time. His accent is very thick, almost like he never left.

"Hey, Tink," he turns to Alice and bends down to kiss her softly but sensually and I turn my head. I don't want to be rude. "Mind if we join you?"

My heart skips a little at the mention of "we", thinking that Edward is with him, but I don't see Edward when I look past Jasper. Instead, I see James. I have a sudden urge to shrink into the black pleather seat I'm sitting on.

"Okay," Alice responds cheerfully and shifts over so she's now next to me in the booth. Jasper slides in next to her and James follows after him.

"Nice to see ya, ladies," James says and Alice and I both nod, but I can't deny the uncomfortable feeling I have.

"Edward's not with you?" I ask, trying to hide the disappointment in my voice. I silently hope he's parking or something. Chelsea drops off two more coffee mugs and hands the boys each a menu.

"Sorry, sweetheart. We had two deliveries at Eclipse this morning - produce and alcohol. Edward insists on handling those personally. James and I were just leaving mama's and I saw Tink's car so we stopped."

"Oh." Chelsea comes back and drops off my strawberry pancakes and Alice's crepes. Crepes, another non-diner-y food item on the revised menu.

"Ya'll are coming to Eclipse tonight, right?"

"Of course, silly," Alice responds.

"I didn't want to assume," Jasper feigns like Alice wounded him with her 'duh' statement by clutching his chest. "Edward was a mite tetchy this morning. He needs his medicine," Jasper says to me with a wink. I feel my cheeks flame and I'm internally hoping they were already flushed from the rigorous dummy kicking and thus, this new blush over the fact that my boyfriend's best friend and my best friend's boyfriend, who I see as an older brother, just cracked a joke about me having sex with Edward, won't show... much.

I take a few sips of my coffee and finally find my voice. "Is everything okay? With Edward I mean?"

"Yeah. I suspect he's just being normally irritable. You know he has his brooding days." I nod. I figure if something is bothering him, Edward will tell me. If he's still being a Sullen Sam tonight, I'll kiss it out of him. The thought makes me smile.

I look up and see James staring at me. His eyes are cold and calculating. Not warm and compassionate like Jasper's at all. They seem almost opposite in persona. Jasper sits back in the booth, his arm draped around the top as he lazily sips coffee with his other hand. Despite all that he has been through recently, he's still the picture of calm; the only sign of stress being the slight darkness under his bright eyes.

James' posture is more tense. Like he's ready to pounce or run at any moment. He sits perched forward on the edge of his seat, his hands clasped together tightly on the top of the table. His hair is slicked back into a tight ponytail in contrast to Jasper's lazy curls. Worry lines crease his skin and his hands look aged. Far more than they probably should for his age.

His lips curl into a grin and I avert my eyes. It isn't the playful grin like Emmett, the warm grin of Jasper or the sexy, panty ruining grin of Edward. It's menacing and almost scary. Maybe evil?

"Bells?" Ali calls. "You alright?"

"Yeah. I'm going to need a nap before tonight though. I must be getting old." Jasper laughs heartily then and it makes the unease I feel from his brother's menacing stare a little better.

Breakfast goes by pretty quickly. Jasper asks us about the class, which Alice is really excited to talk about. I'm surprised when even James gets into the conversation. He's curious about what kind of self-defense we were learning. It's interesting because not ten minutes prior, Alice tried to talk to him about what he's been up to since he's been back, after the funeral and everything, and he's pretty much non-responsive.

"The instructor told Bella she has a really fierce kick," Alice explains with an air of pride.

"Only because you make me wear all those heels so my calf muscles are pretty well developed."

Jasper and Alice find this pretty amusing and James just stares into space. Like either he didn't hear me or he could care less.

On the way back home, I decide to ask Alice what she thinks about James.

"Honestly? I think he's kind of creeptastic. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, thank god. I feel the same way and I've been afraid that maybe I was just being overly sensitive."

"I don't think so. I mean, he's really quiet and always staring. And he just re-appeared seemingly out of nowhere."

"It's the staring; it really freaks me out. Have you mentioned it to Jazz?"

"Yeah. He's sure it's nothing. He says that James has always kind of been eerily quiet like that. Probably a product of getting his ass kicked whenever he opened his mouth."

"Oh."

"Bella, he hasn't...he didn't hurt you or anything, right?" Alice's voice is cautious but firm.

"No! I haven't been alone with him at all. He just makes me uncomfortable, but I'm like that with all men, Ali. I just wanted to see what you were thinking about it."

"Have you told Edward?"

"What? And have Jasper have to choose between his blood brother and the one who's had his back his whole life? After everything he's been through? Pass."

"You've been hanging around Edward too long. Oh, dramatic one," Alice says through a laugh.

"I'm just saying, I'm not going to cause a problem where there isn't one to begin with. I'm not about to put myself in a position to be alone with him either."

An involuntary shiver goes through me as we continue the drive back home.

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A/N

I'm hosting the Lovin In The Oven Contest w/ 107yearoldvirgin, danieller123, FL95 and Annetteskitty. There's more info in my profile. I hope some of you will enter and definitely all of you will read and vote. It's anon. So if you enter, don't tell me.

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**


	41. Ch 40: Premature Promises

**A/N:**

cclore and PhoenixMP3 take turns holding Edward's leash and take care of those pesky commas.

**Disclaimer- I don't own it; it owns me. Blame Edward.**

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 40: Premature Promises**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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I look up just as Bella steps into the doorway of my office. At the sight of her, I'm incapable of holding back a smile, regardless of the fucking bullshit day I've been having. I haven't seen her in two whole goddamn days. I've been sleeping alone for four.

"Hey," she says sweetly with a soft smile and moves toward my desk.

"Hey, yourself, princess." She laughs softly at me calling her that. She thinks it's 'silly,' but I can't help the shit. She's like a princess to me. My precious, beautiful and cherished princess. Even though she likes green more than pink and would probably chop my fingers off if I tried to put a tiara on her head. Then again, maybe not. I happen to know that Bella is awfully fucking fond of my fingers.

I push my chair away from the desk and she stops by my knees, looking down at me. I pull her down on my lap, straddling me. She smells amazing. Soft lavender and the sweet Bella aroma.

"What are you working on?" she asks, pointing at the papers on my desk behind her. "We should go have fun."

"In a minute. I'm cross checking the inventory from the deliveries today."

"Still?"

"Yes, still. The fuckers dropped a case of Grey Goose. I was not amused. I spent an entire goddamn hour on the phone today, cussing out the distributor for the fuckheads they've hired."

"Maybe you scared them? That's why they dropped a case."

I look at her puzzled, not quite sure what she's getting at.

"You can be intimidating when you want to be."

"Oh yeah? Do I intimidate you?"

"Sometimes. Your intensity can be..." she pauses. I assume she's trying to determine what to say. "Overwhelming." I must be giving her a look because she quickly tries to amend what she said.

"It's not bad. I like to know where you stand. How you feel about things. There's no, uhm, flip-flopping with you. It's just, sometimes. Like, when it's focused on me. Even with Alice, I'm not used to such intensity. Oh my god, I'm rambling. Never mind."

"You're so fucking cute," I tell her, unable to resist pulling her forward to kiss her fucking adorable, rambling mouth.

She breaks the kiss and sits back, looking at me. "Jasper said you were tense this morning. Is everything okay, sugar?"

"Sugar?" I reply, utterly fucking confused. "Where the hell did that come from?" I quirk a brow at her.

"You don't like it? I'm trying it out. It's something I picked up from Jasper. Sugar, sweet. Get it? Because I think you're sweet." She giggles softly at her own reasoning. Her left hand is unconsciously smoothing my forehead and eyebrow; she has no idea what her innocent caress is doing to me...

"Mmmhm."_ Sugar. She can't be serious about that shit._

"You're the one who's sweet, Bella. My favorite candy." I lean in and kiss her neck, sucking softly against her skin. "You taste so fucking sweet," I whisper, "maybe I should call you _dolcezza_ from now on."

"Mmmhm," she hums, tilting her head and giving me more access to her sweet skin. "What does that mean?"

"Sweetness, basically." I pull away from Bella's neck and look at her face; she's flushed and I can feel the heat radiating off her.

"Really, are you okay?" I can tell she's pushing through her own increasing desire to make sure I'm okay. I really just want to bend her over the fucking desk right now, and not even bother talking about this shit. But I know she'll have none of that. As much as I know she wants me, I know she would stop me until she's sure I'm good. Always putting other people's needs first. As much as I'd rather be fucking her right now, that part of her personality is one of my favorite things about Bella.

"I had to be here early for the first delivery, the fresh produce one, and they were late. That shit pissed me off."

"You know, you could let someone else handle that stuff. You don't have to do it. You have employees and Leah is very responsible."

"I know, but..."

"But you're an obsessive, compulsive, control freak with a penchant for aggression when things don't go your way," Bella states matter-of-factly, cutting me off.

"It sounds so fucking bad when you put it that way."

"It's only bad when it makes you difficult. Is that the only thing bugging you?" She softly brushes her hands through my hair. It's like a natural calming effect.

"My sleep has been shit."

"Bad dreams?"

"Yeah, but mainly I fucking miss the shit out of you."

Bella gives me a huge smile that lights up her face. "I missed you too!"

I lean forward and capture her lips with mine. Bella moans softly as I sweep my tongue over her bottom lip and press her down into my lap, showing her how hard I am right now.

"Stay over tonight," I say against her lips. It's not a request. I won't be without her tonight. Bella nods and tilts her head to deepen the kiss. Her lips are always so fucking soft. She threads her hands into the hair at the nape of my neck, nails racking through, and I groan out loud at the sensation. As good as these jeans look on Bella, I really fucking wish she was wearing something more accessible right now. My hands roam down her back; I realize she's grinding against me and I assist her, my hands on her hips, thumbs rubbing the top of her pussy.

Then, her phone rings. Of-fucking-course.

"Fuck!" I growl, "Alice is the cockblocker of all cockblockers. It's like she can see into the future and knows the exact fucking moment to interfere."

Bella gets off my lap and pulls her phone out of her pocket.

"Yeah," she sounds mildly annoyed.

"Yes, he's fine." She pauses to listen to whatever the no-nookie fairy is saying. "Yes, we're coming."

"Or were fucking about to," I mutter. Bella turns to look at me and gives me a sad smile.

"Okay," she says before ending the call.

"What does she want?"

"Just to see when we plan on coming down."

"I fucking swear, baby, I'm going to break your damn phone."

"Okay, my obsessive, compulsive, control freak with a penchant for aggression, when he doesn't get his way. Think I can abbreviate that into a pet name?"

I just laugh as we walk out of my office and head downstairs to our cockblocking friend.

**~F&FS~**

"Bella?" I call as I enter the front door. It's locked, but Bella gave me a key not too long ago. I'm glad I don't have to pitch a fucking fit about the door being unlocked. The girls are much better about that shit now.

"Bella?" I call again, but there's no answer. I know she's home because her car is in the driveway. I listen for a second; when I hear sounds coming from the kitchen, I head in that direction. I walk in and see Bella standing at the counter, mixing something. She has her ear buds in, of course, so no fucking wonder she didn't hear me when I called her name. I watch her for a moment; she's humming, probably to the tune of whatever the fuck she's listening to. I watch as her hips sway a little bit from side-to-side. It's very hypnotic.

Then she turns around, still not noticing that I'm in the room. She stands up on her toes to reach something in the overhead counter by the stove. Her shorts, which are already pretty fucking short, ride up and I can see the very bottom of her ass. I shift my dick a little in my jeans at the sight. Whatever she's trying to reach, she can't and she jumps to try and get it. I laugh softly, but can't stop myself when I move forward. I stand right behind her, putting my hands around her waist.

"I can get that for you," I say against the soft skin of her neck. Bella shrieks, jumps and spins in my arms, rips her ear buds out of her ears and then swats me with the fucking towel in her hand.

"Jesus, Edward. What the hell? You can't sneak up on me like that!"

"You make it too easy. Standing here, all cute and shit. Completely unaware that I've been watching you for a while now."

She rolls her eyes at me and I lean down and kiss her, completely removing all annoyance she feels with me.

"Ugh, you and your mouth."

"You love my mouth."

"That's beside the point."

"But you don't deny it."

"Regardless, I have to finish these before the party." Bella slips away and back to the counter she was standing at when I walked in.

"You don't have to make anything. You know it's all taken care of." I dip my finger in the chocolate sauce on the counter and taste it. "Mmhm."

Bella stares at me for a minute, her eyes watching my mouth. I wonder what she's thinking as she bites her lip while her cheeks blush a little. I fucking love it. I did that shit on purpose, knowing I'd get that kind of reaction.

"Uh...I know I don't _have_ to, but I want to. It's not every day one of my guys gets engaged you know? And eclairs are Emmett's favorite." I smile as she turns back around to beat the batter. I love how she has a fucking Kitchenaid right on the counter, but she loves to mix shit the old fashioned way, by hand.

"_Your_ guys, huh?"

"Yes. You, Emmett, Jasper. My guys." It's completely irrational, but I'm a little fucking annoyed at the lumping of the three of us as 'her guys'. I don't want to share her. She's mine, I'm hers.

"What if I only want you to have one?"

"You are _the_ _one_, Edward," she says shyly. "But I love Emmett and Jasper too. In a totally different way."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, you silly boy!" Bella laughs and rolls her eyes in mock annoyance. Then she fucking takes some of her eclair batter and wipes it on my face, across my cheek and over my lips. I stare at her in shock. Then I lean forward. To do what? I have no fucking idea, but Bella ducks under my arm and scampers away before I have a chance to figure it out.

I move after her as she races around the kitchen island, squealing and giggling as I chase her. I'm just walking as she runs, enjoying the sounds she makes as we play this silly shit. She stops running on the opposite side of the island from me, braced to turn in the other direction if I change my course. I fake her out a couple of times until I decide to move again and Bella takes off running. This time I run and catch her in my arms. She squeals as I lift her up and sit her ass on the counter.

Bella falls back as I tickle her a little bit. I reach behind her to grab the bowl of chocolate.

"Stop, Edward. Stop!" She's laughing.

"You started it, Isabella. You shouldn't play with your food if you don't want to get dirty."

She laughs harder and I place chocolate on her thigh, then lean down and kiss her skin, licking the sauce off. I'm sure Bella tastes better than the damn chocolate. Bella's laughs are softer now, as I've stopped tickling her and she moans softly when my tongue connects with her skin. She lays down on the counter, pushing utensils out of her way. As I move to her stomach, lifting her shirt up and layering chocolate across her skin, my tongue follows the same trail. I make my way all the way up and around her nipples that now look like cherries dipped in chocolate.

Bella grabs my hair, holding me to her tits as she arches her back. I use my chocolateless hand to slip into her shorts. I _knew_ Bella was pantiless under these fucking shorts. I figured that out when I saw her ass play fucking peek-a-boo earlier. I spread her legs a little more, situate myself between them, and slide my hand in between her thighs, caressing the skin outside her pussy. Gently, I run my finger over her clit and feel how wet she is.

"Mmhm," Bella hums.

I continue to circle her clit, causing Bella to shift her hips in an attempt to get more friction as I'm barely touching her. I want to kiss her, so I pull her up to sitting by her lifted shirt, my mouth crushing onto hers almost immediately as I slip two fingers into her pussy, causing Bella to moan.

I never did wipe the eclair batter off my face and as I'm kissing her, I taste the batter mixing with the chocolate I licked off her skin. The taste sensation is like a fucking explosion in my mouth when combined with the sweetness of Bella.

I slide my thumb over her clit while I continue to pump two fingers into her, making sure to hit that sensitive spot that makes Bella see stars. I know it does because she told me so. "Bright green stars, like your eyes," she told me one night after we fucked around in her little office downstairs. She was supposed to be working that night, but I had other plans.

Bella's breath is coming faster and I look at her to see her watching me, her eyes glazed over with lust and want. It's fucking hot. I hold her gaze as I apply more pressure with my thumb. She bites her lip and then a big gust of breath whooshes out of her mouth.

"Ungh, Edward!"

Bella throws her head back, arching her back even more as her body shudders and she comes. "Just like that, baby," I encourage her. I fucking _love_ watching Bella come.

Her eyes fly open for a brief second and I smirk at her, the flush of her cheeks deepening. I've been purposefully adding more dirty talk to see if she likes that shit. By the look on her face, I can tell she does.

She throws her arms around my neck and kisses me fiercely, biting my top lip and sucking it into her mouth as she rides out the end of her orgasm. I remove my hand and she wraps her legs around my waist, grinding into me.

I'm hard as a fucking lead pipe and really keyed up right now. I consider the fact that if Bella keeps grinding into me in this way, I'm gonna fucking come right in my pants. I don't imagine that would be very comfortable and it would sure as shit be disgusting.

"You're all dirty now," I say against her lips and I feel her smile.

"I guess I better go clean up," she says as she unwraps herself from around me, slides off the counter and moves to leave the kitchen. I watch as she walks out, staring at my chocolate hand prints on her shorts right where they wrapped themselves around her delectable ass, completely mesmerized until they vanish from my view.

"Edward?" she peeks back in through the door, "are you coming?" Her blush darkens as a look of pure desire flashes in her eyes.

Fuck, I love this girl! The perfect mix of naughty and nice.

I hear her giggle softly as she lightly runs up the stairs. I go after her and reach the bathroom just as Bella turns the shower on. The adrenaline from chasing her and the high from making her come is coursing through me. I reach her in two strides and sweep her into my arms, kissing her hungrily as I claw at her clothes to get them off.

With a moan, Bella reciprocates as her small hands make quick work of my belt and my shirt, sliding it off my shoulders, while I toe off my shoes and socks. I manage to pull her shorts down enough so they're off her hips and fall down her legs easily. I break the kiss to toss her tank top somewhere behind me. Bella undoes my jeans and pushes them down along with my boxers. My dick springs forward and slaps her in the stomach, where I can see left over chocolate. Bella laughs.

She sits on the edge of the tub and pulls me forward by my hips. I know what she's going to do and I'm not going to pretend I don't and ask like a fucking moron. She looks up at me as she guides my dick into her mouth with her hand. Bella's mouth is so warm and I bite back a groan at the feeling.

I realize I've closed my eyes and the perv in me needs to watch her. So, I open them to see her using her hand in combination with her beautiful fucking mouth, taking me as far as she can. She releases me with a pop and holds me in her hand while she runs her tongue along the entire shaft, making my dick jump.

"Mhmh, I can taste chocolate," she hums as she licks me.

Before she can put me back in her mouth, I pick her up and step over the edge of the tub, submerging us both into the hot water. Bella is kissing my neck, my jaw, my cheek, making her way to my mouth. Her hips shift against me as her right leg lifts toward my hip. I spin us around, putting my back in the direct line of the water and push her against the wall, sliding into her at the same time, my hand under her right knee, changing the angle.

"Shit," I hiss as Bella gasps at the sensation of me filling her tight pussy. One can make the argument that all pussy is tight, and I'll be the first to admit that pussy in general is tight. Fucking trust me when I say, I've never fucked a girl as tight as Bella. It's like my dick is locked in a vice grip.

I start to thrust into her, Bella's arms firmly around my neck as she slides against the slick tile wall of the shower. She's moaning against my mouth and the sound is echoing off the enclosed space.

"So fucking good, baby" I mutter. Unable to really control myself and the energy I feel while being with my girl in this way.

Water is dripping down her neck and I lap at her skin like it contains the fucking secret to ever lasting life.

"Oh, yesss," she moans as her head leans back and I'm glad I cradled it with the hand not holding her up, or she might have hit her head pretty hard.

I feel that tell-all tightening in my balls and I know I'm gonna fucking lose it soon. "Bella..." I call as I nibble on her collarbone, unable to say much more. Fucking her in this way, in the steamy hot shower, is fucking with my my ability to form an actual thought.

A deep and throaty moan erupts from Bella. Loud enough to be heard over the shower as she shakes and claws at my back. "Oh my god," she cries, followed by "Edward" in a moan.

Hearing my name on her lips, feeling her come undone around me, is my undoing and I follow right after her.

"Fucking shit," I say into her neck, biting down on the flesh and thrusting into her in a totally chaotic rhythm.

Bella lets out a squeak as I push into her one last time. Coming down from the adrenaline fueled high, I start to panic. Like maybe I was too rough and I hurt her. I hadn't been thinking and just let my body do whatever the fuck it wanted.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No. I uh...I liked it," she says softly, burying her face in my neck.

"So fucking perfect."

"You keep saying that, but I'm not." Her voice is soft, her body pliant, sandwiched between the wall and my torso. Soft, except for her hard nipples poking and rubbing on my chest with every breath. My hands tangle in her hair, pushing her even more into me.

"You're perfect for me, and that's really the only shit that matters." I feel her shake her head against my neck. I tilt her head up to look at me and stare into the depths of her beautiful brown eyes. "I love you, Bella. And you _are_ perfect for me." She crosses her ankles behind me, tightening her grip on my hips and my dick, oh fuck...

"I love you too." I kiss her softly, trying to keep my need at bay, which is not the easiest fucking shit for me. It chaps my ass that she doubts herself like that. Though, Bella isn't like most girls with that fake self-deprecating shit to try and force out a compliment or some other bullshit. But I know she doesn't see herself clearly and that fucking kills me. I wish she could see how fucking amazing she really is.

"I suppose we should get cleaned up now, huh?" I nod and set Bella down, grabbing that purple puffy thing she washes with. "What are you doing?"

"Well, since I'm the one who got you all dirty, I should make sure you get clean," I wink at her.

Bella and I take turns washing each other. It's caring and sensual and by the time we're done, I'm rock hard again.

"Oh no. You've distracted me enough today," Bella declares as I grab her by the waist and pull her against me. "I need to go downstairs and try and make sense of the eclairs I started and didn't get to finish." Bella hops out of the shower and dries off quickly.

I follow her into her room, drying off my hair while I have a towel wrapped around my waist. She turns and looks at me and then starts laughing as she slips on a pair of panties. Fucking hot panties that kind of cut off mid-ass cheek and make me have to swallow the excess drool in my mouth.

"It's not funny. This is all your fault," I say, gesturing to the fucking tent my dick is making in the towel.

"Well, you could go and take care of that."

"I like it better when you take care of it with me," I say, pulling her to me after she slips on a robe. My hands creep up the bottom and rest on her hips.

Bella looks down at her hands, tying the rope around her waist. Then, she looks up at me through her lashes and her eyes are dancing with mischief as her skin blushes. This is going to be trouble. "If you have that problem later, I'll take care of it. Right now, I need to go finish those eclairs." She pushes away from me and I growl at the disconnect. I plan on holding her to that shit too.

"Fine. I need to shave real quick anyway. I'll see you downstairs and I _suppose_ I can help you make eclairs for Emmett." My tone is mockingly annoyed and Bella laughs softly as she leaves the room.

I give myself a quick shave, glad that I purchased an extra electric shaver to leave at Bella's. Otherwise, it might take longer and we're going to be running late soon. I throw my clothes back on and head downstairs. Not at all prepared for what I'm going to see when I get in the kitchen.

"What the fuck is going on?"

Bella is frozen stiff. She snaps out of it when she hears my voice and her eyes dart to mine; I see nothing but fear. I rush over to her and push her behind me protectively. I feel her rest her head on my back. I can feel her chest heaving.

"What the fuck are you doing here, James? How the fuck did you get in here? Why the hell are you even here?" I can barely stand still I'm so fucking enraged.

"Relax."

"Relax? Fucking relax? Why are you here and why the fuck are you in the kitchen, stalking my girlfriend like some kind of predator?" I move toward him, but I feel Bella's hands fist in my shirt, pulling me back.

"I'm here with Jasper. I just came in to get a drink. She was just standing there." Something about his tone is fucking not right. Like, he's trying to lure you in with his words and that fucking accent.

"Everything alright in here?" Jasper asks as he rounds the corner into the kitchen.

"No! It's not fucking alright. How could you just let him loose in here? You know about Bella, Jazz. She's fucking terrified now."

"Shit," Jasper says, "I'm so sorry, darlin'." He starts to move toward her, but I stop him.

"Don't. Just go," I tell him. "We'll see you at the party."

"Edward..."

"Fuck that, J."

Jasper taps James on the arm and they both leave, Jasper giving me an apologetic look while James smirks at me. The look on his face sends an eerily familiar chill down my spine. Deep down, I know Jasper didn't do that shit on purpose, but I'm too fucking pissed to give a damn right now. Fucking hell! I know he practically lives here since he's with Alice, but fuck! I'd never let Tyler or Seth or anyone loose in here like that. What the fuck was he thinking? They must have stopped in after seeing his mom, but fucking hell! James could have waited in the car. Alice isn't even here. She's at Emmett's helping with the party.

"It's okay, Bella," I tell her, turning around and running my hands on her arms. Then I hold her tightly to me. "I'm so fucking sorry I wasn't here." She shakes her head against my chest. Her breathing has started to slow; she seems to be getting back to normal. I look down at her and remember she's wearing nothing but panties under the bathrobe. Instinctively I pull the robe tighter around her, re-fastening the rope around her waist and running my hands on her arms. Fuck! All exposed and vulnerable. My poor baby. If he so much as breathed on her, I will end him.

"Did he say anything to you? Did he hurt you? Touch you? I'll fucking kill him if he did." Bella shakes her head again. "We don't have to go to the party. We can stay here. Relax, watch a movie or something."

"No. I...I want to be there for Emmett and Rosalie. The eclairs..."

"Shh. Forget about the fucking pastries. We can stop at the damn bakery and get some if you want."

"No. They're almost done. I just need to let them cool and fill them. Please?"

"Why don't you get dressed and I'll start filling them for you?" I tilt her head and kiss her softly, wishing I could draw the fear out of her. Bella leaves the kitchen and I turn to the counter to see if the eclairs are cool enough for me to start filling them.

I'm so fucking livid that I end up crumbling the first eclair I try to fill because I grab it too hard. Then, I do the same with the second one. I slam my hand into the counter, trying to force out some of the frustration. I don't necessarily think James is dangerous. He wasn't when I knew him before, but I don't really know him now. Even in the weeks he's been here, I still don't have a firm grip on who he is. I still have trouble with Bella being alone with Emmett and Jasper and they're my best friends. Hell, I don't like leaving her alone with Carlisle. So I know this is probably just me being a possessive motherfucker again.

But then, I can't shake the look of fear in her eyes when I walked in here. She's never had that look with Emmett or Carlisle. Maybe Jasper that one day back in the fall, but never since then. But she doesn't know James and maybe that's all it is. I can't be sure and it's fucking with my head. If he hurt her...

"Merda, fottuti pasticcini! Bastardo, James! Idiota e cretino io. Avrei dovuto tenerla di sopra con me, invece di lasciarla da sola in cucina. Dannazione!" I slam my hand on the ruined eclairs, releasing a cloud of crumbs all over the counter and floor.

"Hey," Bella says, stepping next to me and grabbing the filling tube from my hand. She pushes me back from the counter and wraps her arms around my waist, resting her head against my chest. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Bella. Are _you_ okay? I wasn't the one cornered in a kitchen with a strange man."

"I wasn't cornered. I'm fine. He came in and I thought it was you, but it wasn't. My back was to the door and I heard the footfalls, but when I made a comment about you being done shaving quickly, he laughed and the laugh wasn't yours."

"That's all he said?"

"He did ask for water, but I...I don't know, Edward. I froze, okay? I was scared. Can we just fill the eclairs and go, please?"

"I'm just very protective of you, baby. I want to make sure you're okay. What kind of a man would I be if I just brushed it off like it didn't matter?"

Bella nods and reaches up on her toes to kiss me on my jaw before turning back to the eclairs. Together, with her filling and me layering the chocolate sauce, we get them done quickly and Bella seems to relax. We both do actually. I like being with Bella in the kitchen, and not just because of the various sex escapades we come up with. It's peaceful and we work in perfect sync with one another. Just like the sex shit.

"When we get there, don't leave me alone with him, okay? Uhm...he kind of creeps me out."

"I'd never leave you alone with him, Bella. I'm sorry I wasn't here before." I immediately start to wonder about her being 'creeped out' by him. Why does she feel that way? Has he said something in the past? I decide to ask her later, I don't want to upset her now when she seems to be back to normal.

"It's okay. You had no way to know he was here."

She smiles and picks up her stuff to go. I grab the eclairs and we head out to the party.

We get to Emmett's and Bella is immediately swept away by Alice, my mother and Rosalie to do fuck knows what, god knows where. Taking advantage of the warmer weather, most of the party is being setup outside on the large three weather porch. In Washington this means it's setup for drizzle, rain, and downpour, no tidal wave. I see them go through the door leading to the back porch. I hear other voices when the door is open and figure other guests have already arrived. I don't see Emmett anywhere and I'm betting he's in the garage, so once I can't see my girl anymore, I head in that direction.

"I figured I'd find your ass in here. What are you doing?" I ask Emmett. I see him leaning against his work bench and staring at the tarp covered car, which is Rosalie's engagement gift.

"She's gonna say yes, right?"

"What?"

"Rosalie? She's not gonna say no? Am I crazy?"

"Yes, you are crazy as a matter of fact. Fucking nuts, actually. And yeah, she'll say yes. Rose would have married you in high school if you asked her. I guarantee she's been waiting on your ass this entire time."

"You're sure?"

"Em, I know my fucking sister. If she thought you weren't worth it, she would have moved on when you got the dumb as fuck idea to see other people. She'd be with one of those photographers always fucking trying to get in her pants.

"I don't know, bro. I'm fucking nervous as hell."

"You should be. Rose is scary and if you hurt her, I'll hurt you. I don't think you will though. You're just nervous. Man up and let's get this shit over with. Alice is dying to squeal and Bella brought you something special."

"Bella Bear brought me something? I can eat it, huh? Mmmhm. Gotta love that girl."

I glare at him and he throws his hands up in mock surrender.

"Alright, alright. Go and make sure Rose stays out back. I'm gonna move the car." I turn to walk out of the garage as Emmett chuckles to himself as he removes the tarp. I don't know why he always has to fucking ride my ass with shit like that.

"Hey, man," I say to Jasper when I see him standing in the kitchen as I get ready to pass through. He looks like he's been waiting on something or someone as he leans against the wall and stares off into space.

"Listen, E, I'm so sorry about earlier. I wasn't thinking. Alice left something behind and asked me to pick it up on my way back from mama's. James said he had to use the bathroom. So we came in and I went to the bedroom and I assumed he went to the bathroom. It didn't occur to me that Bella would be downstairs, alone and definitely not in a robe."

I let out a heavy breath. I know he's sorry and I know it wasn't intentional. "I know. It's just, nothing can happen to her, J. Nothing. When I walked in and saw her standing there, fucking frozen like a statue, her eyes full of fear, I flashed back to the night I found her crouched down in her car. I remember the scene in Eclipse where that fucker Mike almost took her from me. I feel her clawing at me when she has nightmares. All I want is to protect her from that bullshit. I can't change the past, but I'll be fucking damned if some bullshit is going to fuck up her future.

"I know. I'll be more careful. I care for Bella too and I feel like a total heel putting her in that position. I've already tried to apologized to her, but she wouldn't hear it."

"She's stubborn."

"Don't I know it. So, we're good?" I nod and Jasper turns to head back outdoors. "Oh, E?"

"Yeah."

"Uh...Tanya, Irina, and Claire are back there."

"No shit? Fuck me. I forgot they were invited." I walk over to the door and sure as shit, I see Tanya, Irina and Claire mingling with the other guests. Three of Rose's friends, all models, all past fucks of mine.

I shift my eyes and immediately find Bella. She must sense me watching her because she looks up at me and gives me a small smile. I smile back and push the door open to head outside.

"Rose doesn't know, does she?" I shake my head. So far as I know, my sister doesn't know because she hasn't kicked my ass. "I hope you've got a cup on. You might need it," Jasper jokes, slapping me on the back as we walk outside.

"Edward! There you are, _caro_," Esme calls, dropping the linens in her hand and coming over to me, "How's Emmett?" she sort of whispers. I tell her he's fine and give her a half smile. Mainly, because I just want to get to Bella so I can tell her about Rose's friends before someone else does.

Unfortunately, attention has been drawn to me now and they're all making their way over. _Fuck_. Tanya and Irina are European, but I can't remember from where for shit. I think Claire is more local, but again, I can't be sure. I never really bothered to care.

"Hey, Eddie. Looking good," Claire says, coming over and trying to pull me into a hug. I take a step to the side, barely stepping out of the way. I don't move quick enough to avoid being kissed on the cheek by Tanya, who then rubs her hand down my chest as she backs away.

"Hey," I reply through my teeth. I'm pretty fucking annoyed as I put more distance between me and these girls, moving in Bella's direction.

"You don't call me anymore," Irina calls, causing me to cringe as I'm walking away toward Bella, or at least the direction she should be in based on the last time I looked at her since I can't bring myself to look at her now. I feel really fucking guilty.

I look up for a second though and Rose is watching me with narrowed eyes, and I avert my gaze because that shit is fucking scary. When I was a kid, she'd use to look at me that way and send me running out of the room. I don't run anymore, but that doesn't make the look any less scary.

Conversation is picking up around me as I finally make my way to Bella. I can't really make out the expression on her face, but she's avoiding eye contact, her arms are crossed over her chest, and she takes a step back when I try to reach out to her.

"Edward, I swear to fucking god, I'm cutting your dick off. You're such a slut," Rosalie hisses as she steps next to me.

I go to say something, but I'm cut off by the loud sound of a blaring horn. Of course. Emmett couldn't have honked the goddamn horn three minutes ago.

"I wonder what that's about?" Alice questions like she doesn't fucking know. "Come on, Rose, let's go see." Alice is tugging on her arm, but Rosalie is resisting.

"It's probably some punk kid."

"Well, it could be a hurt punk kid and we should make sure he's okay." Alice manages to convince Rose enough for her to stop resisting and go with her. I turn to look at Bella, but she's already started walking away. Her head is down and her shoulders are hunched forward with her arms still wrapped across her chest.

"Bella, wait!" I call and catch up to her. "Are you okay?" I know it's a fucking dumb question before the words even leave my mouth.

"Are you serious?" Bella spins to face me. Her eyes meet mine and she looks so hurt and confused. "I just watched three girls who you've apparently slept with fawn all over you."

"I know there were other girls. Before me, I mean. I knew that. I did. It's something that I thought was no big deal. I know girls want you; I see it all the time. I try not to let it bother me. I know you love me; I believe that. I thought the Starbucks girl was bad enough, but she's just random compared to these girls. A girl you unleashed your magnetic charm on and she probably never even saw you coming."

"But these girls, these are friends of your sister's. They're here at a family party. And they're models! Models, Edward! Do you have any idea how ridiculous I feel right now? Can you even imagine? No, of course you can't." There are tears sitting on the brim of her eye lids, and I feel my stomach clench that I upset her.

"I forgot they were invited. I'm sorry..."

"Forgot? How could you forget, Edward?"

"Because I stopped thinking about those girls a long fucking time ago. The only one I think about is you. I can't be fucking bothered to remember the rest of them. They don't mean shit to me."

"No! You don't get to say that to me. Did you even think about how I might feel seeing you with them? You get jealous so easily. Did you ever think it might be the same for me? I know they're Rose's friends, but a heads up would have been nice." Her right arm unfolds and with her hand balled in a fist, she hits my chest. I hold on to her fist, and she struggles to pull away. I can't let her run; I need to keep her with me. I need to reassure her.

"Fuck! I'm sorry, okay? Yes, I've fucked them, but I never cared about them. I know that sounds shitty, but it's the truth. I didn't anticipate this upsetting you and I'm sorry for that too. I didn't keep this from you on purpose. It just didn't seem important to commit to memory."

"It's just...it hurt, E. Watching them kiss you and touch you and rake you over with their eyes." Bella's tone is softer, her aggressive posture more relaxed. "I know there were girls before me, but I like to pretend there wasn't. It's stupid, I know."

I pull her to me and bury my face in her hair, breathing her in. She's stiff for a second and then relaxes completely, lazily wrapping her arms around me.

"It's not stupid. As far as I'm concerned, there was no one else before you. They just don't fucking matter."

She looks up at me, her eyes are bright and I hardly see a trace of the tears that were threatening to spill over moments ago. I lean down and kiss her, pulling her tighter against me as my tongue sweeps over her bottom lip. Bella's tongue meets mine and a soft sigh fills the air. She molds herself to me, letting go of any remaining anger or frustration she may have felt.

She breaks the kiss and leans her forehead against my chest. "You know, your sister is going to kill you, right? You slept with her friends and you probably missed Emmett's proposal."

"She'll get over it. Besides, she's leaving for Roma in two days." I pull Bella into my side and start to make my way to the front of the house. I'll never admit this shit out loud, but I think it's best if I at least look like I was there during the proposal. I'm fucking hoping Rose was too blown over to even notice.

As we walk I hear Bella whispering softly, "Edward, promise me something?"

"Anything you want, Bella. You know that."

She takes a deep breath and says, "No more secrets, please." She looks at me and I get it. She needs to know so she can protect herself. I want to protect her from the world, but I can't protect her from my past. Not without her knowing all the ugly truths. It's the only way for us to have a future.

I stop and turn to look her in the eyes, "I promise." I kiss her gently on her lips, whispering, "I'm sorry." And we make our way to Rose and Emmet.

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A/N

**Thanks for reading!**

**xx**

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Translation

_Merda, fottuti pasticcini! Bastardo James! Idiota e cretino io. Avrei dovuto tenerla di sopra con me, invece di lasciarla da sola in cucina. Dannazione! _= Shit, fucking pastries! Bastard James! Stupid idiot me. I should have kept her upstairs with me, instead of letting her come down to the kitchen alone. Damn it!


	42. Ch 41: Blinding Bliss

A/N

I have the most incredibly supportive and loving beta team in the entire fandom! kisses to cclore and PhoenixMP3!

Disclaimer: I don't own it; it owns me. Blame Edward.

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 41: Blinding Bliss**

**Bella Swan POV**

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It's really early on Sunday. The first morning birds are just starting to chirp, but I can't fall back asleep. I'm not sure I want to. If you were laying here and staring at the most beautiful man in the world, would you want to go to sleep? I doubt it.

I push back a few locks of hair off his forehead that have fallen into his eyes. Edward's hair is a little long, but I don't mind. I like to run my fingers through it and feel the softness. He's breathing softly, his eyes fluttering behind his eyelids as he dreams. A peaceful dream, I think, because he has a small smile. I hope he's dreaming about me.

Yesterday was intense. I was all over the place emotionally. Playing with Edward one minute, being terrified by James the next. The overwhelming jealousy at the party. It was just so much to process.

The party was fun in the end. Alice took me aside to make sure I was okay, and when I assured her that I was, we went back into the throws of the event. I noticed her punch Edward in the arm on her way back to Jasper. He tried to hide it, but I saw him wince a little.

What surprised me about the day was the absence of James at the party. I spent a good portion of the ride to Emmett's in nervous anticipation of having to be on guard while around him. It really bothers me because I feel like I'm being judgy and I don't mean to be. Edward noticed how tense I was and was so sweet to rub my neck as he drove, alternating between shifting gears and touching my skin, knowing how it relaxes me. A silent expression of his constant presence. He didn't press the issue; I think he sensed I was trying to work it out for myself.

At some point, Rosalie's friends all left. I was glad they were gone; I didn't like the way they were looking at Edward. I don't think Rose did either.

After everyone came back to the food, she basically ignored them. Well, she didn't talk to them, but she was shooting death glares with her glacial blue eyes. Having been a previous recipient of that glare, I should have felt bad for those girls, but I couldn't. The entire time they were there, I felt like a kitten on the defensive. Hair standing at attention, back arched, claws extended. When they left, I was able to relax a little.

I was really tired, the roller-coaster of the day taking its toll on me. I tried to keep up with everyone, but I ended up falling asleep in the little hammock they have in the corner of the porch.

When I woke up, the sun had set. There was a blanket over me and I could hear voices coming from a distance. I looked around the porch and most of the evidence of the party had been cleaned up. All the food was gone and only some decorations remained. I sat up and stretched just as Edward came out onto the porch to let me know it was time to go.

As we were getting ready to leave, Rosalie pulled me into a hug. It kind of freaked me out at first. I still wasn't totally used to her warmer attitude towards me. She was still blunt and very opinionated, but no longer unnecessarily mean.

Edward decided not to go into Eclipse last night; instead, we spent the night at his place. I was still a little tired despite my nap, and I was prepared to just pass out again. Hopefully, for the duration of the night. Edward had a different idea entirely.

He made love to me. No, he worshipped me. That's how it felt. He took his time loving every inch of my body. Showing me and telling me how much he loved me, how much I meant to him. He left no spot untouched. Using his talented mouth and attentive hands to pleasure me in ways I could never imagine in my most heated fantasies. Offering me his body in total and complete supplication. Everything he did spoke to my soul and reaffirmed what I already know - Edward is it for me. There is no other.

I watch him now, in his slumber. He's so beautiful. All of him, gorgeous from the inside out. I am the luckiest girl in the world. I know he's going into work today, so he'll be getting up soon. Reluctantly, I slip out of his arms and head into the bathroom to take a quick shower. I look back to his bed and he's rolled over slightly, now clutching the pillow I was resting on, but he's still sound asleep.

I step back into the room after getting dressed and see he's laying on his stomach. He'll be waking up soon. When he rolls onto his stomach, it's his last fight to hold onto sleep. I slip out of the room, deciding to make breakfast. I'm not particularly hungry, but I'm willing to bet Edward will be famished when he wakes up. I'm pleased to see that he's doing a better job keeping his kitchen stocked since we got together.

I take out the ingredients to make French toast, remembering the first time I made that here and smiling to myself. Thoughts of sharing his bed with him, how he remembered how I like my latte and brought me one when he came in from his run. How much he loved my French toast. He is such a sexy eater, the way his jaw moves...

"Smells good, baby," Edward says, coming into the kitchen and wrapping his arms around my waist. He rests his head on my shoulder, and I turn my face to give him a quick kiss.

"I figured you would be hungry when you woke up. Did I wake you? I wanted to make sure you got as much sleep as possible. I know how rare it is."

"Yeah. I'm hungry." Edward turns his head and nibbles on my neck, causing me to drop the spatula in my hand.

I make no move to pick it up though. I hum softly as he continues to nip and lick at my skin, pulling me back to him, and I can feel his erection against my back. His strong, soft, capable hands shimmy up the Green Day concert t-shirt I borrowed from his drawer and knead at my skin.

"Shit," I curse, broken out of my reverie of Edward's attentive perusal by the smell of French toast that's about to burn. I _hate_ burning food!

I push Edward out of the kitchen and attempt to go back and salvage breakfast, I can hear him laughing in the other room. He's so handsy! I don't mind; I like it. It's just that the burnt smell is hard to get out, and he'll be cranky for days if it lingers in his place. Of course, this may force him to sleep at mine. So I guess it's not all so bad. Except he always tosses all my pillows into the chair. Small price to pay.

Later on, Edward and I are sitting on the couch. I've been dallying around his apartment all day while he was at work. Then he came home and we had pizza and now here we are. I have my Mac on my lap, working on converting measurements for this new recipe I made up. Edward is looking over some applications for new security personnel while my feet rest in his lap.

A couple weeks ago, Seth informed the guys that he would need to take a step back at work so he could focus on school in the fall. It was a tough choice for him because he needs the money and taking less hours would mean less pay and more financial struggle for him. Edward, Emmett and Jasper would have none of that. Instead, they agreed to let him cut back on his hours and insisted on continuing to pay him his regular wages. It wouldn't be a hardship for them. All three of them are well off and Eclipse does very well for itself. I am so impressed with their generosity. It absolutely warms my heart that I have such amazing people in my life.

However, they still have to search for someone to pick up the hours Seth would leave behind. Edward has been scouring over the profiles spread out on his coffee table, in neat piles, his own cryptic system no one else understands, for a week. Emmett and Jasper both took two days to get through them, but not Edward. He has to go over every single thing like he's using a power zoom magnifying glass to find any potential areas of issue.

I know it's important to him. He will never entrust Eclipse to just anyone. As it is, when this person comes on board, Edward will probably have Emmett keep him under constant surveillance. He's worried about his business; he's worried about me. He doesn't want me to know, but Jasper told me. He's taking extra precautions to make sure no one is linked to Mike. He holds so much guilt over what happened with Denise.

He can't help it. It's in his nature to protect those he loves, to do whatever he can for those who matter to him. From the important things - making sure Esme's car receives the proper maintenance, to the seemingly insignificant - keeping Emmett's stash of gummies stocked.

As he reads over another file, his left hand absently runs over the skin of my calf, sending fun tinglies through me. From this position, I can see his strong profile. The sharp angle of his jaw clicking in concentration, his totally lickable earlobe, the smooth slope of his nose with a tiny bump in the bridge. I watch him as he bites the inside of his cheek in deep thought, totally engrossed in what he's reading. He's so beautiful and all mine!

In the past, I would have never considered myself to be a horny person. Sex was always just sex. I didn't know what I was missing then, but now I can tell the difference. On the rare occasion I managed to get turned on completely, I almost always had to finish myself off after Mike was done. There was never really any foreplay. Sometimes it was painful because I wasn't wet enough initially and that would just make it all entirely uncomfortable.

Not with Edward. I'm starting to see what Alice meant by 'happy sex.' Thoughts of sex with Edward makes me happy. I'm happy before sex, during sex, after sex. I've never been left unsatisfied, only wanting more because it's always _that_ good.

With Mike, I recall trying to find ways to avoid sex. With Edward, I only turned down sex once. I was getting a migraine and I could barely keep my eyes open. My stomach was queasy; I was so tired and the pops of light behind my eye lids were making me want to rip them out of the sockets. It felt like I was hit in the head with a shovel. Edward ended up helping to ease the pain with no effort on my part. He later told me he learned about orgasms and headaches from Emmett because Rosalie suffers from migraines due to being anemic. The grimace on his face as he explained was priceless.

I find myself turned on by mere thoughts of him. I have to mentally force myself to not put my lips and hands on him all the time. I'm not one of those girls that only want sex, sex, sex all the time. With Edward, it's not just sex. It's a true connection. One I feel all the time, even if he's not around. The sex just binds that connection. I can often feel just as content holding his hand or resting my head on his shoulder.

He makes me feel great. Everything from the quickening in my pulse, the bounce in my step, the stress in my cheeks from smiling, just makes me feel alive and happy. I feel a boost in confidence with him, which makes me feel almost sexy. The way he looks at me sometimes, it's like he sees things I don't and it makes me want to discover those things about myself.

I look back down at my computer screen, noting that I haven't typed anything new with regards to my recipe. I've been too busy watching Edward. I can't say that this is necessarily a bad thing. I mean, it's not like I'm on a deadline. It's my own personal recipe. One I'm working on to put towards that cookbook dream I've had for years.

"Motherfucker!" Edward shouts, tossing the file in his hand to the floor harshly. The papers scatter in a loose flutter against the dark wood. He grabs the front of his hair, then leans forward with his elbows on his knees, shaking his head in frustration.

"What?" I ask. But he just continues to shake his head. I slide my feet from his lap and scoot over next to him, resting on my knees. I rub my hands through his hair, over his neck and down his back in an attempt to soothe the sudden tension he's exuding. "Talk to me," I plead softly, continuing to touch him.

With a heavy sigh, Edward leans back against the couch. His body slumps down and his head rests against the top cushion. "That one has false employment information listed."

"How do you know?"

"The dates don't add up. There is no fucking way he worked at Opium and Ruby in October. Ruby closed down in August."

"Maybe they didn't outright lie? Maybe they just made an error on the dates?"

"Great, so now you're suggesting I hire some fucking idiot that can't pay attention to goddamn detail?"

"No. I'm not saying that."

"So when that fucker Mike figures out how to break out of Druggie Estates and comes looking for you, this Max character might not be fucking paying attention? So Mike can slip right by him and take you from me? So that motherfucker can hurt you again?"

"No. But..."

"He's probably the snakey motherfucker I think he is. He'd probably try and take us all out. Just as soon as he weasels his fucking way in and gets us all comfortable and shit."

Yeah, no point in reasoning with him when he's like this. His body is shaking as he scrubs his hands over his face. Something he does often when he's trying to collect his thoughts. The stress is radiating off him like a cloud of thick smoke. I don't like seeing him like this. He's trying to hide his fear and pain, but I see it.

"I think you need a break. I think you've been looking at those profiles for too long and it's driving you crazy," I say, shifting to straddle his lap.

"Bella," he says through a clenched jaw, "I need to make a decision."

"Shhh... I know but listen. When I was in college, I would study so much that soon the words started to blend together on the page and instead of digesting the information, I would get frustrated. I would have to force myself to put the books aside and switch to another subject or do something fun."

I shift against his lap slightly, a slight tremor running through me when I feel him getting harder beneath me. Edward's hands are now resting on the tops of my thighs and he's watching me intently, lust glazing over the rage in his eyes.

"Let's do something fun," I whisper as I lean closer to his face.

Edward grins before he lunges forward and encases my lips in his. A gentle but frenzied caress of lips, teeth and tongues follow. I slide my hands down his chest and undo his belt, then work at the button and zipper of his jeans. Edward's hands have moved to the waist of my shorts and I feel him tug at the fabric.

I shift off him and to the side as he lifts his hips, and I pull his pants and boxers down. Meanwhile, we always remain in contact in some way. As I'm kneeling beside him, he pulls my shorts down past my hips and down my thighs. I shift from one knee to the other to slip them off my legs. It's a little awkward and clumsy, but I'm too excited to really care.

I move to straddle him again as I slip his t-shirt over his head, kissing his bare chest and sucking at his neck, causing Edward to moan and sigh as my lips and teeth graze his skin. His hands move up my back, around to my bra-less breasts, squeezing my nipples as he passes over them, and he pushes my tank top up and over my head.

I've been intimate with Edward so many times in recent months, I've lost track. Never like this. I'm content letting him lead, letting him dominate, letting him control. I revel in the weight of his body against mine, the intensity of his gaze looking down at me. My limbs wrap around him like the vine that creeps up the trellis outside my bedroom window. My fingers grab at his hard and flexing back muscles, twitching with his movements. My tongue and teeth pay attention to his bare skin so close to my mouth.

This time is different. This time, I'm taking more control. I'm leading him because he needs it. He needs to relax and not think. I want to make him feel good and forget his stress for just a little while.

"Bella," he sighs into my neck as his hands massage my breasts. His soft and elegant fingers pinch at my nipples, causing me to squirm.

"No more work tonight," I whisper and Edward nods his head in silent agreement. I can already see some of the tension leaving his shoulders.

I reach down between us and grab his cock in my hand, pulling it away from his stomach. He hisses as his lips come into contact with mine, my hand stroking him up and down. I'm grinding my hips, causing my clit to slide against the bottom of his shaft below my hand, and I can feel my breathing pick up out of excitement.

"Not like this, baby," Edward groans, his voice a little deeper than usual and coated in desire. "I wanna be inside you."

I nod, a slight wave of nerves overcoming me, but I push them back. I want this; I want to give this to him.

I shift onto my knees and Edward's hands travel up my thighs, across my ass, up my back and down again. His tongue is swirling on my abdomen, his mouth trailing down my skin as he bends down to kiss my tattoo. Every time he does that, my heart leaps.

A hand rests between my thighs and my hips buck when his cool fingers make contact with my wetness. A soft whimper escapes my lips as two fingers enter me and pull out, swirling along my clit.

We both moan as I rub the head of his cock against me before lining up at my entrance, albeit somewhat awkwardly. I start to sink down slowly.

Edward's hands are on my hips, and he's looking down, watching us join together. My left hand is resting on his shoulder, and I can feel the vibrations in his muscles. He groans as he enters me, his grip on my hips tightening a little bit. I'm probably going to be wearing his hand print tomorrow.

"Oh my god!" I exclaim, my head coming to rest against his neck as I finally am seated back on his lap, Edward fully sheathed inside me.

_He's so deep. So, so deep. Ungh!_

_Why does this feel so incredible? It's almost unbearable. Is it, like, gravity or something? Mike never let me be on top._

I never really understood. Alice swears by it. Riding, she calls it. I have seen something like it in movies and the odd porn I may have seen. But, oh my god. It feels more amazing than I could ever imagine!

"Bella?" Edward questions through a clenched jaw.

I slowly rock my hips, my breath hitching at the sensation of my clit against his pelvis and the filling sensation he provides. And I'm controlling it. I sit back, and Edward is looking at me with a concerned expression.

_No more concern._

I kiss him. I kiss him with fierce determination to show him I'm fine. God knows I don't think I can trust my voice right now. I'm sure it's all squeaky.

I start to use my knees to help push my body up and down, holding Edward's shoulders for balance. It's not coordinated at all, but Edward helps me to find a rhythm by guiding my hips.

"You feel so fucking good like this. Shit!" He leans forward with a growl, grabbing one of my nipples in between his lips. I'm panting now, completely overcome with raw heat and need. Every upward push meets with a gasp and every downward thrust meets with a loud moan.

"So deep," I moan, my voice sounding foreign to my ears. A string of unrecognizable sounds follow.

Edward reaches up and pulls the elastic out of my hair, causing my hair to fall loose from the haphazard pony tail it was in. I know he likes my hair loose when we have sex and I love when he runs his hands through it.

I lean back a little, my hands on his knees, putting us at a different angle. Almost immediately, I start to feel the tightening in my stomach and the tenseness in my toes.

Before I can even think, an orgasm rips through me. An unintelligible cry pushes through my lips. Edward pulls me back to him. I can feel him smiling against my lips as he kisses me while I try and gain a sense of reality from the unexpected pleasure.

_This isn't supposed to be about me._

Repositioning my hands on his shoulders, I pick our rhythm back up again.

"More, Bella?" Edward pants and I nod.

"Faster."

I'm lost. Completely gone in the frenzy of passion and electricity. The sounds of our skin providing the background music to my muted thoughts. Like watching a movie on mute with your iPod playing.

I can hear my voice, but it sounds so distant. I don't really know what I'm saying.

"Perfect fucking pussy," Edward's voice breaks through my daze.

"I...I...more..."

"Can you come for me again, baby? I need to feel you come. I wanna see it."

I think I nod, but I can't be sure. I feel Edward shift underneath me; he's leaning back a little bit, his hips now thrusting faster upward against the movement of my hips that I've lost all control of.

I stare down into his eyes, the love and happiness I feel staring right back at me. I get to have this forever.

"Edward, I..."

"I love you, too, baby."

"I can't. So good. Oh, god. Please..."

"Just let it go."

"Edward!" I cry out, my entire body shaking from head to toe. I can feel my nails digging into his shoulders, my lips are moving and sounds are coming out.

"Fucking amazing!" Edward makes this manly grunt sound, and then, "Fucking shit! Best shit ever!" I rock against him as he comes; I feel the muscles in his thighs beneath me, clenching and flexing with his release.

I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him to me as I kiss him with everything I have left. His hands roam my legs and my back as he returns my passion with some of his own. He shifts us, so he's now laying on his back and I'm on top of him, the kissing never ceases. He picks up the blanket off the floor I was using earlier and drapes it over us.

Our kisses slow until they turn into nips and gentle caresses. Hands roam bare flesh, no words spoken. My head rests against his chest and he lazily strokes my hair.

Security personnel profiles are forgotten.

**~F&FS~**

"Thanks, Jared," I say to the barista as I grab my coffees. One for me, Emmett, Jasper and Leah and two for Edward.

"All that caffeine and you're going to need an entire bottle of Tylenol PM to counteract the effect," Jared replies with a small laugh.

"It's not all for me. Two of these are for my boyfriend; you should worry about him." Just then, my phone rings, the chorus of _Head Over Feet _making me smile. "Speak of the devil. Hey!"

"Hey, baby. Where are you?"

"I'm at Starbucks. I'm on my way to see you, but I made a stop. I thought we could grab something to eat. I'm bringing you coffee."

"You're coming here, huh? When you get here, I won't be drinking coffee." He's using that voice, the overly silken one that makes every nerve I have stand up on high alert.

"I have to go back to work after I leave there," I'm laughing nervously as I use my back to push open the door, my phone nestling between my shoulder and my head as my hands are full with an overloaded coffee tray.

"You can work from home if you need to."

"Are you going to be at said home?" I'm moving through the parking lot, trying to dig my keys out of this bag that seems to go on forever like something out of Mary Poppins because I'm wearing a pocketless skirt today. It's pretty difficult trying to balance in these shoes, hold the coffees, talk on the phone and find my keys.

"Maybe. Do you want me to be?" he asks with a chuckle.

"If you're there, how..."

It happens so fast. One minute, I'm listening to Edward's sly chuckle and the next, nothing.

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**A/N**

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Lovin' in the Oven contest winners have been posted

**Love you all and thanks for reading!**

**xo**


	43. Ch 42: Life Interrupted

**A/N:**

Special, special thanks to cclore and PhoenixMP3 for this chapter. They both went above and beyond the call of duty. They deserve cookies!

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and ya know, Twilighty things. Louisa May Alcott gave us Little Women. And I borrowed them.

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 42: Life Interrupted **

**Edward Cullen POV**

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I hear what sounds like tires screeching on pavement, followed by a scream and a lot of distant shouting. Then silence.

Suddenly, my life feels like a really low budget music video from decades ago and everything seems to move in slow motion, with that fucked up distorted sound that makes it seem like your ears are clogged with a wad of fucking cotton.

"Bella? Baby, are you there? Fuck!" I end the call on my phone, trying really fucking hard to push back the rising panic in my chest. I dial Bella again, but it goes straight to voicemail.

"_Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Bella Swan. Please leave a message, and I'll return your call as soon as I can. Have a good day."_

I feel completely fucking torn at the sound of her gentle voice and how it makes me feel - happy, proud, horny. It's in contrast to the fear that my traitor brain is producing - that I may never hear this beautiful sound in real time again.

I don't think. I just go. I run out the door, ignoring Jasper and Emmett calling my name.

"_Hey, E?"_

_Where's the fire, bro?" _

I get outside and I pause for just a second. I need to think. _Where was she? How can I get to her?_ I close my eyes and see her smiling face from this morning, as she tried to back out the door while I kissed her. As if visualizing her will lead me to her.

"_I promise, I'll be good if you stay," _ I tried to reason with her. She knew I was lying.

She was coming to see me. _Our_ Starbucks is the one equidistant between her office and Eclipse. That's where she had to be. It's only a few blocks away.

I open my eyes and I take off on foot, running in that direction. It will be faster than trying to wait on fucking traffic lights in the middle of the damn day.

As I run through Seattle streets, weaving through strolling pedestrians and barely missing a run in with a hot dog vendor - why the fuck isn't he on the side of the street anyway? I try and convince myself that I was hearing things. That her phone just died, and I'll get to Starbucks and find her getting into her car. Bella is notorious for forgetting to charge her iPhone. I bought her a spare one for her office, one for her car and a travel one that doesn't require an outlet, and it hasn't made one bit of damn difference.

I turn the corner onto the block the Starbucks is on and see a tow truck, orange lights flashing as it drives down the road with a Land Rover, the same color as Jasper's Range Rover, being towed down the street. It's impossible not to notice how traffic is parted to let it pass. The front end is fucking smashed.

I know I'm wrong. Deep down, I know, but I can't let that thought fully come to the surface. It will leave wake for more bullshit fuckery to come to mind and I can't go down that road. Not now. Not until something empirical, forces me to face the alternate universe I refuse to acknowledge.

Reaching Starbucks, I come to a complete halt. I look around as I take deep breaths, taking in my surroundings to try and make sense of what I heard on the phone. I see her car with a huge fucking dent in the front, but no Bella. Scanning the area some more, I notice a soggy pile of coffee cups on the ground, six to be exact.

That's when I notice it. A shoe. Bella's shoe. A tiny little size six, laying on its side with the heel now detached. I watched her put these shoes on this morning. It took a shitton of fucking effort to not pull her back to bed in nothing but the fucking shoes.

I pick up the shoe, clutching it in my hand when I start to realize there is a small pocket of people standing off to the side in front of a police cruiser. An officer is standing by taking down notes.

Every fucking thing still seems to be moving in slow motion, even my brain as I process everything before me. It's frustrating as shit, because I'm usually sharper than this. But it's like all my goddamn senses are on the fucking fritz.

"What the fuck happened here?" I ask as I descend upon them. One of the girls in the crowd coils back and I realize I might seem scary, but I can't be bothered to give a fuck right now.

"There was an accident," someone else responds. He looks exactly like the person standing next to him and for a second, I think I'm seeing double. Until I realize they're twins.

I run my hands through my hair at the insolence. "Thank you, captain fucking obvious! Can you just tell me what the fuck happened?"

"Some girl got hit by a car while she was walking through the parking lot."

"She didn't get hit; she fell," the previously silent twin counters.

"She did so get hit. Otherwise, why did the ambulance come? They don't just show up for people who fall. That's dumb."

"How would you know? You were slurping your stupid frappuccino like a yuppie!"

I feel like I'm stuck in some inane scene from that _Alice in Wonderland_ adaptation Bella dragged me to eight times. Who the fuck sees a goddamn movie eight motherfucking times? I know, it's her favorite book. Everything _Alice in Wonderland_ related connects her to happy childhood memories, before she lost her parents. That's why I did it. I just bought the goddamn tickets and made sure she had her frozen Reese's Peanut Butter cups and cherry Icee, because I'm a fucking sucker for that smile.

_I'll gladly see anything she wants eighty fucking times, just please let her still be my beautiful perfection personified when I find her._

Thinking about seeing that movie eight times with my girl makes me snap out of the twin-idiot trance I'm in and get back to business.

I start to feel that fucking painful panic again.

"What did she look like? Where is she now?" I can hear the pitch change in my voice as I brace myself for the answer. I'm silently willing that one of these slow and self-absorbed, symbiotic morons will tell me it was some blonde or a girl well over six-feet - two things no one would ever associate with my Bella.

"A little over five feet maybe, but she had these tall shoes on. Like that one you're holding. Yeah. Oh, and she had brown hair. Small little thing, I hope the hit doesn't do too much damage." He goes back to sucking his frappuccino and I resist the urge to knock it out of his hand. Can he not see the importance of this situation? Is a fucking plastic cup full of synthetic flavors and blended ice that fucking interesting?

"Fuck! Where is she?"

"The ambulance took her. You should ask the officer over there."

I look behind the patchwork crowd, and I'm reminded about the officer I noticed just a few moments ago. He's talking on his radio now as I approach. I'm burdened with anxiety, anger is making it's approach and hopelessness is around the corner.

"Isabella Swan, unconscious upon arrival. Remained unconscious when removed from the scene and taken to Virginia Mason hospital," the officer says matter-of-factly into his radio. Like this is just some mundane bullshit incident he can't really be bothered to be concerned with. As if he's not talking about someone of significance.

I'm overcome with wanting to simultaneously punch him and pass the fuck out from the weight of his report.

"Edward, man, what's going on?" I feel Emmett's hand grab my shoulder as I start to stumble backwards.

"Bella...hospital. Bella's in the hospital. She was hit by a car." The sound of the admission to my own ears nearly breaks me in half. "Where did you come from?" I add, as almost an afterthought.

He tells me that he hopped in his car after seeing me run out of the building like a 'fucking lunatic' and wasn't far behind me, but then he hit a couple of red lights. When he realized what direction I was going, he thought I was losing my mind about needing coffee, but not wanting to wait, and came here. I'm thankful for that because now he can drive me to the hospital.

"Em, I..." I can't even remember what I'm about to say. The fucking wad of cotton in my ears is back.

"Excuse me, officer? Can you tell us what happened here?" I hear Emmett ask. Again, I'm thankful for him because clearly, I can't handle this shit. "You see, we think one of the people involved is actually my buddie's...uh...fiance and we're just trying to find out some information to help us out."

I watch as the officer looks us over for a moment. I swear, there is a loud as fuck clock ticking somewhere. Ticking very fucking slowly, I might add.

"Name?"

"Pardon?" Emmett asks, confused.

"Name? Name of the person you're asking about?"

"Isabella Swan," I pipe up. It almost hurts to say her name, but it flows forth without any thought on my part.

"I see," he starts, looking over the report in his hand. "Miss Swan was involved in an accident. A motor vehicle collided with her parked vehicle. She wasn't inside of it at the time of impact, but she did sustain some injuries and was unresponsive at the scene, so she was transported by EMS for medical care to Virginia Mason."

"Is she okay? Unresponsive?"

"I'm sorry, sir. I can't speak to the extent of her injuries and care as I am not a doctor."

His casual tone is pissing me the fuck off.

"Come on, E. Bella needs you." Emmett basically hauls me away and tosses my ass into his Hummer.

Emmett is silent as we drive. I know my agitation is evident, but he knows me well enough to understand I can't fucking help that shit. He also knows saying some bullshit like, "you need to calm down, Edward," would just make me more likely to put my fist through something.

All I keep thinking is that I'm going to kick the ass of whatever motherfucker hurt my girl as soon as I find out who the unlucky asshole is.

_I really don't remember being so prone to violent thoughts all the time._

My phone starts ringing.

There are times when your phone rings, but you don't want to answer the damn thing because you're dreading the conversation that will have to take place. Right now is one of those times.

"Hello?" I practically sigh into the phone. I lean forward, resting my elbow on my knee like this will somehow make this easier.

"Edward, something is wrong. Where's Bella? I can't reach her. I've been calling her for the better part of an hour. I just have this feeling like I need to get to her. Is she with you?"

"There's been an accident, Ali. She's at Virginia Mason and I'm on my way there now." No fucking point in prolonging the inevitable.

"I'll meet you there." Alice hangs up without another word. Good. She's better at this shit than I am. I hope.

The hospital isn't far and Em drives almost as fast as me, so we make it in just a few minutes.

I hate emergency rooms. The nature of the staff always contradicts the alleged "emergency" status. The shit is even worse in a city like Seattle than a small town like Forks. At least in Forks there is the familiarity amongst people, so it makes them _want_ to help each other. Here, the fucking triage nurse would rather pop her gum and play solitaire on the damn computer than do the fucking job she is actually paid to do.

"We're looking for a patient, Isabella Swan. She should have been brought in within the last hour," Emmett says as he steps up to the desk, completely brushing past me as if he doesn't think I can handle this conversation. He's probably right.

Lucy, according to her crooked name tag, huffs - because apparently she's so fucking busy and we're interrupting her - and picks up a clipboard, still continuing to pop her gum. That shit is so fucking loud, I can hear it above all the other noise on the ground floor; even the sirens of the ambulance that just pulled up. For a moment I wonder if she would be less annoying if she choked on it.

"Isabella Swan...Isabella Swan..." she repeats to herself over and over while she flips pages on the clipboard and then turns back to the computer. My frustration is starting to boil over the fucking edge.

"Isabella Swan," she says one more time, picking up the clipboard again.

And I'm done.

"How fucking difficult can it be to find one patient in less than a fucking hour? It's not even that fucking busy in this shit hole. Do you have her or don't you? It's not rocket science and you're wasting my goddamn time!"

"Please calm down, sir."

"Look, _Lucy_," I say through my teeth as I lean over the desk and snatch the clipboard from her hand, "are you going to do your fucking job and help me? Or do I need to find someone who can? Fuck that! I might as well go search for her myself."

I turn to look at Emmett and he's just watching me, waiting for me to blow off steam and settle down. I just want my girl. I don't give a fuck who's in my way as I get to her.

"Can I have your name, sir?" Lucy pipes up, her tone bored. I wish Alice was here already. I can't hit a girl, but fuck me I want to. I really just want to yank that goddamn gum out of her fucking mouth.

"Cullen. Edward Cullen." I slam the clipboard down while I watch her face intently as she processes my name, recognition and then fear flashing in her eyes.

I really fucking hate throwing my family name around, but I've come to realize I'm not above a damn thing when it comes to Bella. Between Esme's charity work, Rose's modeling career and my father's medical prominence, my name carries a lot of fucking weight in certain places.

It's on this fact that I am now counting for this fucking nightmare to cease.

"Oh."

_Yeah. Oh._

She picks up the phone at the desk and mumbles something into the receiver as she turns her back to us. Just then, Alice breezes in through the door.

"Where is she? Where's Bella and what happened? Is she okay? How bad is it? Why are you just standing here?"

"Breathe, Al," Emmett attempts to soothe her as he wraps his arm around her and pulls her into his side, but she bristles at his brotherly affection and pushes away.

"Edward, please?" The look in Alice's eyes breaks my fucking heart. She feels every bit of pain I feel. Something happening to Bella feels like loss and failure to her, just like I feel. The unknown is like a ten ton weight on your shoulders, making it fucking impossible for you to stand tall. Every breath through your chest is like nails scraping at your insides as you attempt to stave off panic. The frantic feeling makes you irrational and out of control.

For people like Alice and myself, this is nearly fucking fatal.

"I...I don't know, Ali. No one has told us anything and this stupid fucking nurse is playing games."

Alice leans forward, resting her forehead against my torso and I feel her release a shuddering breath. There is nothing to be said; it's almost like I can read her mind. She's attempting to remain positive, but it's fading fast.

"Edward!" a familiar voice calls my name. "It's good to see you, my boy. I hope your parents are well."

Dr. Nahuel is walking towards us with a bright smile. In all honesty, this man is a crackpot, but he's a fucking genius. One of those that are so fucking smart they're utterly fucking insane. He and my dad worked together for part of their residency and have remained friends all these years. Rosalie used to call him "Uncle Funny."

"What brings you here today? Oh, wait. That nurse just told me. Isabella Swan? Remarkable girl, that one. It was a pleasure to see you dancing together at your parents' anniversary."

Thinking about that night, not too long ago, makes my stomach clench. The night I finally told Bella I loved her. The best night of my life thus far. I want to kick myself for how long it took me to get there and how much time I lost; especially if this all turns into a not-so-happily ever after.

Alice pinches me and when I look down at her, she's shaking her head. Almost like she's telling me to stop thinking that way. I realize the doc is still talking and I refocus.

"So, if you'll follow me, I'll take you to maiden fair."

Emmett chuckles, and I shake my head as we follow him through the hospital.

"Uh...Dr. Nah-"

"Edward, a million times now, Uncle Phil is fine. Always so formal. Your mother raised you right, that's for sure. How is she doing? Still chasing around those cherished ones? I always admired her generosity."

"Ok, Uncle Phil," I start, anything to get to the point, "what's wrong with Bella?"

"Bella?" He turns to face me, confused.

"Isabella Swan is Bella. _My_ Bella." My tone is strained and exasperated. This is not cocktails and let's break out Operation for old time's sake. This is my heart we're talking about.

"Ah, yes. Delightful girl. She was brought in by the EMT's and seemed to be bleeding quite a bit, but it was a head wound and as you know, they do bleed more than is totally necessary. Nature's cruel joke, I say."

"Anyway, from the report, I know it was initially believed she was hit by a car and then discredited. After examining her, I concur; I can find no evidence to that fact. We can neither confirm nor deny this as the eye witness reports have conflicting information and Isabella has yet to wake up."

"That being said, she did get banged up a bit. She'll be okay, though."

"Wait! She's not awake? She's been banged up?"

"But she'll be okay?" Alice interrupts, always latching onto the positive.

"What the fuck happened?"

"Ah, here we are." Dr. Nahuel stops outside a room with Bella's name on the tag on the door and his listed as her attending doctor. "I can only let two people in at a time. Like I was saying, Ms. Swan has a broken leg, but it was a clean break and we were able to get it set very quickly. She also had a contusion at the base of her skull that we got patched and stitched."

"Due to the nature and force of her skull damage, we've had to induce her into an unnatural state of a temporary coma and place her in ICU for close watch."

I'm stunned, and Alice is clutching onto me in a fucking vice grip. It's painful, but it's the only way I know I'm still alive. We enter the room, my head spinning with a million jagged thoughts.

We come upon Bella's bed and Alice starts to sob as she moves to Bella's side.

"Bella," she whispers through her tears, unable to say much else.

"So, as you can see, Ms Swan is resting peacefully. We need to monitor her brain function without the interruption of pain receptors and any kind of emotional reaction. It's customary procedure with head injuries of this nature. It should only be a few days."

"Days?" I mutter.

"Yes. One of you may stay the night, simply because I said so. But it's imperative that you don't hinder her repair in any way. Don't touch anything! I must go and check on other patients now."

Dr. Nahuel moves to exit the room, but stops as he reaches the door.

"I almost forgot. Edward?"

"Huh?" I turn to face him, dazed and a fucking mess.

"Isabella did wake for just a second. Probably from the Epinephrine shot she received when she got here. She asked for you before she went back under again."

I stare after him as he leaves, the click of the door snapping me back to reality. I move to the other side of Bella's bed and force my eyes to look at her. Not that I don't want to, but if this is it, I don't want my last memory of the most beautiful person I have ever known, to be of a lifeless body laying in a bed of tubes and wires.

I kiss her forehead gently and then I step outside to talk to Emmett for a second and give Alice some time with Bella. Who knows? Alice is so full of life, maybe she can pass some of it to Bella and she'll wake up.

"Bad?" He asks.

I just shrug.

"She'll be okay, bro. This is Bella Bear. Nothing can keep that girl down. Look at all she's been through."

I just nod as I slide down the wall, too drained to move to a chair across the lobby area.

Alice comes out and slinks down next to me on the floor. I know I'm a fucking mess if I'm sitting on a hospital floor.

"You should stay, E."

"Are you sure?" I'm not an idiot. I know I want to stay. So I'm not going to waste our fucking time playing that back and forth "no you stay" bullshit. But I'm not an ass, so I'll make sure Alice is really okay with that.

"I'm sure. I know if I was in the hospital, I'd want Jasper's face to be the first one I see when I wake up. Besides, I know what it would mean to Bella for _you_ to be here. She would expect to see me. Trust me, okay?"

I nod again. "Thanks."

"That's what family is for. I'm going to stay until they kick me out though." We both laugh a little at that.

"She's not so bad," Emmett says as he exits the room. He forgets I fucking know him. I can smell the bullshit swirling around his big head. I appreciate his effort though. "I'm going to head back to Eclipse. Jazz should be here soon."

We talk a little more before he goes and Alice and I step back into Bella's room.

"Did you know when Bella was little she had a lisp?" Alice starts, after we've been sitting in silence a while.

"No."

"She hated it, but I thought it was awesome. It was different and cute. I tried to give myself a lisp."

"How?"

"Different things, but mainly, I stuck licorice in between my front teeth."

Alice smiles and I have to smile along, thinking of a young Alice and Bella. "Tell me more about her as a kid."

"What do you want to know?"

"I don't know. Kid shit."

"Well, Bella always loved Sunday mornings. And I remember the Christmas she got an Easy Bake Oven. She tried to cook lollipops once and ended up ruining the thing. My parents got her a new one, because that was the only thing she would engage in, other than the bike she got two years before and had almost outgrown and her beloved books."

"Did she like dolls? Rosalie loved dolls. I liked to cut their heads off."

"Actually, no. She would look at mine and ask why they were always prettier than her or ask if their mommies left them too and that's why they lived with me. I didn't really understand it until I got older. I mentioned it to my mom once and the next thing I knew, my dolls were gone. I remember being so mad at Bella and blaming her. I feel bad for that now."

"You were a kid, Ali. How can you be expected to understand shit that fucking deep?"

"Still. Bella means more than a few lousy dolls and even if I didn't understand, I should have been nicer."

"Kids are mean. You grew out of it. Except when you're being mean to me."

"You deserve it," Alice laughs.

"What was she like before...ya know? Her parents?"

"We were so young, but honestly? She was a lot more like she is now. It's like, her parents were murdered and she lost a part of herself. Literally."

"What changed?"

"Oh, Edward," Alice sighs, "Bella is the orchid and you're the soil that brought her to life. Your love is the exact dose of light she needs. Your affection is the skillful green thumb to keep her flourishing. _You_ are what changed. I owe you more than you will ever understand for giving me my sister back."

"I love her, Ali. I love her so fucking much."

"I know," she whispers.

We sit in silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I wish mine would fuck off.

_You waited too long._

_You weren't there._

_She got hurt talking to you._

_What if she doesn't wake up?_

_What if she wakes up and she's not Bella anymore?_

"Sir, you can't go in there. It's a two person limit and the room is full. You'll have to wait out here. And visiting hours are nearly over." I hear the nurse's voice out in the ICU lobby.

"I apologize, ma'am. Would it be alright if I just slip in there for a moment and give my brother a few comforts from home as he keeps a vigil over his girl?"

Jasper. I can hear the charm oozing out of him and I know that poor nurse never stood a chance.

"Just a minute?"

"Just a minute. On my word, Scout's honor."

"Alright, then. But quickly or I'll get into trouble."

"Oh, no. We wouldn't want that. I'll be right back for you, darlin' and you can tell me about those gorgeous earrings you're wearing."

I just roll my eyes.

Before he even gets in the door fully, Alice is attaching herself to him. He adjusts the bag on his shoulder and wraps his arms around her, holding her to him as she sobs in his chest.

"Shhh," he soothes, running his hands up and down her back. I turn away because I want to hold my girl, right fucking now! I hate when she cries, but I'd welcome her hot tears staining my clothes over the nothing I have at this moment. I brush her arm and feel her skin. It's cold. Cold like death.

"So, I brought you some things," Jasper's voice breaks through my thoughts, "I reckon you'll be hunkering down in here like some kind of war hero. Might as well be comfortable."

"I brought you some clothes to change into and some scrubs to sleep in. Not like you'll be sleeping, but you might lounge about and I don't suspect you're interested in parading around here in boxer-briefs, like you do at your place. Why do you have so many scrubs anyway? I thought you had no interest in practicing medicine.

"They're fucking comfortable and dad gets them for me from the hospital."

"Right. I also brought your MacBook and the pile of profiles. I didn't know if you'd want them, but they were sitting there. I tried to keep them in the order I saw them strewn about."

"I don't know. I was kind of thinking we'd hire that kid Seth suggested. We trust Seth, right?"

"Yeah. We don't need to figure that out now. Work can wait, but they're here if you want them. I also brought a charger for your phone, one of your pillows and the book on Bella's side of the bed."

I smile a little bit. Bella is reading _Little Women_, for who-the-fuck-knows-what-time, and she's been reading her favorite parts to me at random.

She'll text me lines...

_"If we are all alive ten years hence, let's meet, and see how many of us have got our wishes, or how much nearer we are then than now..."_

Come in the bathroom when I'm in the shower...

_"Money is a needful and precious thing,-and, when well used, a noble thing,-but I never want you to think it is the first or only prize to strive for. I'd rather see you poor men's wives, if you were happy, beloved, contented, than queens on thrones, without self-respect and peace."_

Whisper to me at night...

_"The best of us have a spice of perversity in us, especially when we are young and in love."_

"I'll let you finish up in here; I don't want to get that nice nurse into trouble. We need to go soon, visiting hours are nearly over." I hear Jasper say to Alice as he kisses her head. "I'll be at home if you need anything," he says to me.

Jasper lives closest to the hospital. Alice will probably be there, too.

Heavy silence fills the room. I feel like I might fucking suffocate.

"Uh...I'll be back," I say to Alice, sensing she needs a moment and needing to talk to Jasper. His rational outlook on life is something I need right now.

"You hanging in there?" Jasper asks when I step into the hall, breaking away from the nurse batting her lashes heavily at him.

"What the fuck do you think?"

"I'll take that as a 'no' then."

"What if she doesn't wake up? What if she's broken when she does?"

"That's not going to happen."

"You all keep saying that. You don't fucking know that! None of us do!"

"Listen, Bella has been through some shit. She's persevered a lot. She did that all with barely a reason to live except the fear of death. Now? You've given her that reason to fight for her life. She's not giving up. Give her time to pull through."

"I'm ready." Alice comes into the hallway, her eyes red rimmed and her cheeks stained. Hardly the picture of put together we usually see. Even when she wakes up at the fucking ass crack of dawn, she looks better than she does now. Her emotional wariness is evident.

"Take care of our girl, E. You call me if anything happens. If she so much as sighs, I want to know. I'll be back first thing. I'm staying with Jasper tonight."

She hugs me and they start to move down the hallway. Jasper is almost carrying Alice. I can see her shoulders shaking as she cries. I'm glad she has Jasper to comfort her. Ali is like a sister to me. I care about her a great deal and I don't like seeing her sad. I tease her a lot and we bicker and shit, but it's all out of love. I see her very much the same way I see Rosalie, minus the headache of bitchiness.

I go back in the room and stand in the doorway like a goddamn crazy person. I don't really know how long I stand here. I have no concept of time. Time is not my friend. Fucker!

I move to the other side of the room, looking over the bag Jasper brought me. The last time I stayed in the hospital, Rosalie got her appendix removed. Mom stayed with her, and I didn't want to stay home alone. I think Jasper was on a family trip and dad was working. I don't remember where Alistair was.

Needless to say, this is not my idea of a good time. I sit down in the chair; this shit is not comfortable. I stare into space. My mind is like one of those view finder toys Jasper and I played with as kids. Except it's not cartoons and tie dye I'm looking at. It's Bella. All Bella.

Bella smiling.

Bella's face as she comes.

Bella cooking.

Bella as she gets out of the shower.

Bella dancing.

Bella telling me about Alice's vintage obsession.

Bella reading.

Bella calling me ridiculous, because I need to buy things in multiples of two.

Memories of Christmas, Halloween, Starbucks runs, dodging rain drops - or trying to and failing. Her scent. The way she pulls her hair back before she cooks and always gives extra cash to the guy begging on the street. Even if I point out he has on brand new sneakers and a fresh hair cut.

"_It's not my place to judge him," _she always says.

Her cute as shit habit of smelling every thing. How she trips on air, which I love because I get to catch her. In the middle of the night, when we're in bed together, if we're not touching, her little hand will seek me out and her pinkie latches on to whatever she can grab.

I can't fucking stand myself right now. Frustrated, I push myself out of the chair and pace the floor a few times.

I look out the window; we're not very high up. Just a few stories above the sidewalk. Enough that people don't know you're looking, but not too high so you miss the subtleties in a facial expression. Like the couple passing by across the street. I watch as the girl grabs the guy's hand and laces their fingers together. He thinks he's some kind of Casanova and brings their joined hands to his lips to kiss them. I watch her giggle; I'm sure if I was closer I would see a blush on her cheeks. Then, he pulls her to his side as she leans up to kiss him on the cheek.

I watch them long after they're gone from my view point and notice my hand pressed against the glass, as the ache in my chest resonates at the splintered thoughts of true love and loss. If something happens to Bella, I will have experienced both, but one for far too short a span of time.

I'm frustrated as shit, because why? Why is it always some new bullshit around the fucking corner? Hasn't she suffered enough? I joke with Bella about her being a danger magnet, but it's not her at all. The motherfucking universe has something against her. I can't understand why it would draw her name out of it's fucking dilapidated hat, but it has.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

"Hey, dad."

"I guess that answers my question. You sound awful."

"Eh che cazzo? ... Preferiresti che ballassi il tango argentino o vuoi sentirmi sghignazzare come un fottuto pagliaccio?"

"Edward! Capisco che sei stressato e ignoro lo sfogo... per questa volta."

My father is a patient and fairly charismatic man. He's my friend as well as my parent. However, disrespect is a serious issue with him. I know this; I didn't mean anything by it. Like he said, stress.

"Scusa papa'..."

"I understand. You're scared, angry, worried, hurt." I nod at all his words. Each one hitting home. "Life's been tough on her, but she rides it hard and doesn't take it lying down..."

At the mention of Bella riding hard, I phase out of the conversation and mentally go back to yesterday. When she did just that.

I could tell she was nervous at first, but she quickly got over it. It was fucking beautiful to watch her as she sank down onto my dick and her eyes rolled in her head from how fucking good that shit felt. Feeling her heart beat against mine as she allowed her body a chance to adjust.

She's flawless. So fucking perfect. Her creamy tits bouncing in my face, just begging for my attention. Her hair skimming my thighs once I released it from its elastic. It was a first for us, and fuck I was so fucking deep!

When her nails dug into my shoulders as she screamed my name and shattered around me, I'm pretty fucking sure I saw a glimpse of heaven. Cheesy? Maybe, but so fucking true.

"Edward? Are you listening?"

"Huh?"

"I was saying we'll be there in the morning. We'd come tonight, but your mother is in charge of movie night at the girls' home in Port Angeles this evening, and you know how seriously she takes her volunteer work. Be prepared to eat though. She gave me a list, and I'm headed to the grocery store as soon as we're done here."

"Oh. Okay."

"Are you alright, son? It will all be okay. She's in very capable hands."

"Alright," I sigh. I suddenly feel fucking exhausted and I'm done talking.

"Call if you need anything."

I think I grunt a goodbye before I hang up. Don't quote me on that shit though.

I walk back to the chair that I've placed in the corner between the bed and the bathroom and take a seat. The chair was originally on the other side of the room, in front of the window, but that was not convenient for me. Bella is laying on her right side, facing the door. Due to her head injury and broken left leg, this is how they positioned her body after they knocked her out.

Whatever they gave her, I don't like it. She's not sleeping like Bella sleeps. It's almost like she's not even in there. Her body is here, I can feel her skin when I touch her cheek, but the essence that makes her, seems diluted. She's too still. No soft sighs, no small eyelash flutters. Nothing.

I barely sleep. I think I nod off once, but mainly, I sit in a trance. The beeping of medical equipment indicating the passage of time.

Day one rolls into day two.

Eventually, after the sun comes up, I get my ass up and go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and shit. I leave the door cracked just in case.

I hear the door open, and I figure it's one of the nurses or Dr. Nahuel coming in to check on her like they did throughout the night. I stop mid floss when I hear Mr. and Mrs. Brandon instead.

"Oh, Bella, we came as soon as they'd let us in. Sweet girl, what have you managed to get yourself into now?" Mrs. Brandon is talking softly to Bella, her tone laced with sadness and amusement.

"I wish I could just put a band-aid on you, give you one of those cherry candies you love and send you back to ride your bike, but it's more serious this time."

I feel like shit, standing in here and listening to them love Bella. I know they gave her a good home and took care of her. I know she adores them. I've only seen them together once briefly, but listening to them now, I can tell how much they love her.

I step out of the bathroom and we exchange small smiles as I head to leave the room. I don't want to, but it's the right thing to do. So I stand in the hallway, just outside the door. I leave it ajar of course, because I'm not willing to one-hundred percent cut myself off from Bella.

The Brandons leave shortly after and I go back into the room. I had not noticed the large flower arrangement or the small blanket with daisies now laying over her on the bed. I guess they came along with Ali's parents.

It's not much longer before my parents show up, as well as Alice. Alice fingers the blanket laying on Bella's bed and smiles softly; before I can ask her about it, Esme comes into the room, followed by Carlisle and both of their arms are laden with shit.

Esme gasps when she sees Bella, putting the items in her hands on the hospital tray and brushes past me to get to her. Nice.

"Precious Angel," Esme whispers, gently running her fingers over Bella's forehead. She turns to look at me and there are shallow tears in her eyes. She clears her throat and shakes them off, a warm smile replacing them.

"I brought you food. You must eat." She starts to unload several items form one of the baskets she's carrying.

"Shit. Did you bring the entire store?"

"Well, Bella is going to be hungry when she wakes up and I can't have either of you eating hospital gruel. It's unfit for consumption. And the nice nurses could use a good home cooked meal as well. Plus, I brought some homemade ginger snaps for Phil."

My dad chuckles at my mother as she lays out place mats and silverware, starting to pile food onto a plate.

"Don't think I forgot about you, Alice," she says with a genuine smile, which Alice returns.

"There's only supposed to be two of us in here," I turn to Carlisle, who's still standing there looking amused.

"Well, it pays to be me sometimes."

I shake my head as mom hands me a plate with fruit, a cranberry muffin, two poached eggs and a few slices of pancetta. I sit down and start to eat because I really don't have a choice. Once I start eating, I realize how hungry I actually am. Esme smiles in approval as she hands Alice her own plate.

Carlisle excuses himself, saying he's going to find Dr. Nahuel and Esme settles into the last seat in the room, takes out a crossword puzzle and gets to work on it. She's been doing crossword puzzles for as long as I can remember; we used to do them together when I was younger. She says they're a way to occupy and focus her mind.

Eventually, Carlisle comes back with Dr. Nahuel and Esme gives him the ginger snaps, which he is so damn excited about, he starts to eat them right there.

Between bites, he explains Bella's progress. At times, my dad interjects to explain in simpler terms for those of us without a medical degree. I've been around medicine my whole life, but my knowledge only comes from listening and observation and it's very limited. This shit about induced comas and brain waves is way beyond my fucking comprehension.

Basically, Bella will be out for approximately three days. Then the meds they gave her will start to burn off and she'll begin to wake up on her own. In that span of three days, they'll be monitoring her brain function with various methods. I've already seen them take her for scans twice in the last day. Dr. Nahuel already explained last night that she didn't have a concussion, but they needed to be mindful of things like brain swelling and clots.

I'm no longer hungry, thinking about how shit like that can fuck a person up. Esme comes over and perches on the arm of my chair, rubbing her hand on my back. It's soothing, but not as much as when Bella does it.

I fucking ache for her touch.

"Faith, caro. Believe in Bella," she whispers in that motherly tone that makes you feel like everything will be alright.

My parents leave, but not before Esme explains to me what food she has left behind with special instruction that she brought _the_ soup for Bella and that she arranged for me to use the nurse's lounge to warm it up.

The day goes on. It's fucking miserable. They take Bella for a scan, and Alice decides to go for a coffee run while she's gone. I take this time to take a quick shower. I was actually surprised to see that there was a shower in the bathroom, but I guess it's more for those crazy guests like me who refuse to leave than the patient who can't move.

Morning turns into afternoon, afternoon turns into evening, and Bella is still knocked the fuck out. Every time she comes back to the room or they check her vitals, Dr. Nahuel reports excellent progress, but that's not enough for me.

I won't be satisfied until I can see her eyes, hear her voice, feel her skin warm again, see her blush.

And day two rolls into day three.

At this point, I'm out of my fucking mind.

Jasper tries to get me to come out of the hospital and smoke with him to calm down, but that's too fucking far away from Bella and I can't do it. Esme left her crossword puzzle book behind; I've done them all. I've organized and re-organized the apps on my phone four times.

I have about two minutes of clarity where I finally decide to hire that Embry kid Seth recommended. He is a bit older, so I guess I can't really call him a kid. What the fuck ever. I am comfortable with his background and references. I'm fucking tired of thinking about this shit, so that's my choice.

I try to work on the middle of the month numbers for Eclipse, but I can't focus. It's just me today, because Ali is in Tacoma working on an engagement party she booked months ago. I could tell how torn she was, but I assured her that Bella would not think less of Alice if she went to do her job and wasn't here when Bella woke up. She stayed until the very last possible second before reluctantly heading out.

It's like watching and waiting for fucking water to boil. I stare intently, looking for a finger twitch or leg jerk. Watching, waiting for any sign that she's coming back to me.

I fucking hate waiting.

Day three is coming to a close; I start to panic. She's not awake. I call my dad and he reminds me it's starting to wear off on day three, but she may not wake up immediately. I need to give it time.

I've given this shit enough fucking time!

I angrily hang up the phone and go back to pacing the floor. At this point, I can recall every fleck in the tile from memory. I've been playing connect the goddamn dots in my head to create certain shapes to try and pass the time.

I think about listening to music, but then I realize putting ear buds in would cut off my hearing from Bella. I can't sleep; I have too much fucking nervous energy coursing through me.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I'm sure I hear her sigh. My heart starts to beat just a little faster, as I focus on her even more, willing her to do it again. She doesn't. And I start to think that I made the shit up. That I really am fucking losing it.

I've been talking to her even though I know she can't hear me. I let her know about the decision to hire Embry. I tell her how I want to take her away for a weekend or forever. Just me and her. I tell her that I love her over and over.

In my head, I wish this was like one of those bullshit fairy tales Rosalie tortured me with as a kid. I kiss her, she wakes up and we ride into the sunset or some shit.

I try the kiss thing; it doesn't work. This pisses me off. It's completely fucking ridiculous because I knew the fucking shit wouldn't work before I tried it, but I'm still mad.

By the middle of day four, I want to fucking scream. Ali calls to say she'll be back in the morning, mom says she's bringing fresh soup, Jasper and Emmett let me know Eclipse is going fine - not like I doubted it would. There are more damn flowers and shit in this room than I know what to do with. It's almost suffocating. I can't believe they allow this kind of shit in ICU.

I'm frustrated and every fucking thing is pissing me off. I snap at the nurse who is recording Bella's vitals. I glare at the orderly who is helping to transition her to the bed to take her for another motherfucking scan.

I pick up Bella's battered copy of _Little Women_. She's told me she likes how every time she reads this book, she gets something new out of it. I guess that makes sense, given all the characters or whatever.

I start to read it.

Time passes as I read and I find that I welcome the distraction. I wonder which character Bella identifies with the most? For some reason, I think maybe Beth, but I wish Jo.

A particular paragraph in chapter fifteen catches my attention so much that I read it over several times before reading it out loud.

'"_How still the room was as they listened breathlessly, how strangely the day darkened outside, and how suddenly the whole world seemed to change, as the girls gathered about their mother, feeling as if all the happiness and support of the lives was about to be taken from them_."'

I expel a huge sigh and the words hang in the air for a moment.

"Ed..Edward."

I sharply turn to Bella and see her droopy eyes staring at me, her voice raspy from lack of use is still the most beautiful sound to ever fucking exist.

In a flash, I'm at her side. She reaches up a weak hand and touches my face as I lean in toward her. Her eyes are searching, almost like she's making sure it's me.

"I'm here, Bella," my voice is pitchy, raw with emotion and I fucking hate it. She nods, her small hand moving as far as it can towards the back of my head and I barely feel her tug on my hair.

I lean in and kiss her softly. The warmth in her skin is back, and I can't help but place kisses all over her face and neck. A smile on my lips as her grip tightens with what little strength she has.

The machines in the room start to make all kinds of fucking annoying sounds and beeps, but I can't stop. I've waited four days to feel her touch, to see her awake and she remembers me. I'm pretty fucking happy right now.

The door bursts open and two nurses file in with Dr. Nahuel right on their heels. There's a sense of urgency in their movements, but then it all stops and Dr. Nahuel laughs.

"I see fair Bella is awake. Are you feeling okay?" he asks her, moving to her side and starting to check on her.

"W-wa-ter," she groans.

I pick up the bottle I have and put a straw in, bringing it to her lips for her to drink. She pulls back when she's had enough and smiles at me in thanks.

"Well, Bella. All of your tests have been positive. I know you're still pretty tired. So why don't you get some natural rest and I'll be back in the morning to go over things with you."

Bella nods, but winces a little at the movement. No one else sees it but me. The doctor leaves and Bella continues to stare at me. She's not really talkative, but I suppose that's to be expected. I can see the questions in her eyes, but the shit will have to wait.

She tries to force herself to stay awake, but it doesn't work. Pretty soon she's out again and I watch her sleep, her hand in mine.

I must have dozed off myself because the next thing I know, Bella's fingers are in my hair, lightly brushing the chaotic mess as my head rests against the edge of the mattress.

"How do you feel?"

"Tired, but okay."

"Do you need anything? Water? Are you hungry? I have soup for you." She shakes her head softly.

"Do you remember?" She nods. That's a good thing, right? That she remembers.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not now. Too tired."

We sit and stare at each other. If someone could see us right now, they would think we're batshit crazy. I don't give a fuck. I notice the color returning to her skin and the sparkle returning to her eyes. She traces my nose, lips, mouth, chin like she's committing it to tactile memory.

"Edward," she whispers, "hold me."

I gape at her for a moment. Looking at the sincerity on her face and wanting nothing more than to touch her, but not really sure if I should.

It doesn't take a fortune teller to figure out which decision wins.

I help her adjust herself and shift over a little more in the bed without moving her head too much or jarring her leg. I kick off my shoes and crawl in behind her. Resting my head on my arm and wrapping the other one gently across her waist.

"Thank you."

I kiss the top of her head where her hair is piled up away from her stitches in response. We lay like that for who knows how long and I think she's fallen back asleep, until she starts to speak quietly.

"I got pneumonia in college. I was sick for weeks and couldn't kick it. I thought it was just a cold."

She's groggy and her speech is slurred, but she's still talking and I don't want to miss a word.

"I went to the doctor because I couldn't breathe and everything hurt so much. I only made it inside the building before the exhaustion caused me to pass out."

There's a long pause. I figure she's telling me about a previous experience in the hospital. Perhaps as a comparison of facilities or reasons? Or maybe she's leading into our inside joke about her malady magnetism.

"Mike wouldn't stay with me in the hospital...he said he couldn't afford to catch what I had and kept his distance. I was so scared to be there alone, so Alice stayed. It means everything that you're here."

Suddenly what Alice told me, about the importance of me being here, makes sense. I also want to beat the shit out of Mike Newton all over again.

"I'll always be here, Bella. You're my life now, baby. You're stuck with me."

She laughs softly before her hand finds mine pressed lightly against her stomach.

"I like it."

She entwines our fingers, holding our hands against her body before she drifts off to sleep again.

I don't know when that happened. I don't know when she became the focal point of everything. When she became my sun and I became helpless to avoid the pull that causes me to orbit around her, but she has.

_Looking around, I see houses. No, I see the same house over and over. It's foggy and hard to see the entire thing in the blackened night, but I can at least tell it's white._

_I close my eyes really tight, hoping to block out the screaming that keeps ringing in my ears, wishing I was elsewhere. _

_The wolf-dog, he's coming. I can sense him. I brace myself for the impact, but it never comes._

_Everything goes black, but I'm being jostled around like I'm in motion. I realize my eyes are closed, but I don't dare open them. I'm afraid._

_If I don't look, he can't get me._

Bella let's out a distressed whimper in her sleep, startling me awake to make sure she's okay. My heart is already racing from the fear in my dream and the increase at her sounds.

It's at that moment, I realize we're not alone. No one else should be in here except me. The nurses always turn the light on when they come in, but it's dark with the exception of the light on the heart monitor.

My eyes focus on the still form in the corner by the door. Sinister grey eyes stare back at me.

I jump from the bed, pushing him out of the room and slamming him into the wall.

"I don't know what the fuck your sick fascination is with her, but it ends now."

"I'm working. I heard she was here, so I just stopped in to see."

I take in his appearance. He's wearing the same uniform as the orderlies I've seen running around here. I didn't know he got a job at a hospital. I wonder how the fuck he managed that.

He may be working, but it's still not right. Glaring at him, I feel a spike in anxiety. Something is seriously fucked up about this situation. It's like...whatever the fuck it is, I can't exactly put my finger on it. It's right there, I can sense it.

"Look, wherever Bella is, I'll be there. So whatever the fuck your issue is, you'll have to go through me."

"Whatever..." James starts, but I stop listening when I hear Bella crying from the room.

"_No, no! Please! Please!"_

_

* * *

_

A/N

I would like to give a special thanks to KhariZZmatiK, because I don't speak cop and she was super, super helpful in getting that part to be as accurate as possible.

Hugs & love to my RL friend in med school who doesn't know my middle of the night texts were related to fic research.

I have a new o/s in my profile - An Ocean Apart. It won second place in the Digital Get Down Contest.

**xo**

**me**

_**Translations:**_

"Eh che cazzo? ... Preferiresti che ballassi il tango argentino o vuoi sentirmi sghignazzare come un fottuto pagliaccio?" = What the fuck? ... Would you prefer i dance the argentinian tango or would you rather hear me giggle like a fucking clown?

"Edward! Capisco che sei stressato e ignoro lo sfogo per questa volta." = Edward! I understand you are stressed and I'll ignore the outburst this time

"Scusa papa'" = Sorry dad.


	44. Ch 43: Bad Turn

**A/N:**

A lot of you were concerned about Dr. Nahuel's attitude. Just to clarify, the man is socially strange; but I assure you, he had Bella's best interest and her recovery as a top concern. I actually have had a doctor like this - a crackpot neurologist - they don't really know how to relate to the 'normal' person. It comes off as aloof, unprofessional or disinterested; it's anything but.

cclore and PhoenixMP3 are the goddesses who guide me.

_Disclaimer: We all know by now that I don't own this Twilight shit._

* * *

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 43: Bad Turn**

**Bella Swan**

**

* * *

**

"So, Bella, why don't you tell me about why you're here."

I barely resist the urge to roll my eyes as my mind travels back to that day in the hospital, weeks ago...

**x~x**

_"Tell me you want it, Bella. Tell me!"_

"_No! I want Edward!" _

"_I'll never let you go. I'll always own you!"_

_**x~x**  
_

"_There is always a choice, son. Put the gun down."_

"_Where's the girl?"_

"_No!"_

"_Shut up! Shut her up!"_

**x~x**

"_You've got nothing. You are nothing! You're a slut, jumping from one rich boy to the next. He'll keep you until he's done with you, and then you'll be mine again."_

"_No! No! Please! Please!"_

"Bella!"

"Edward, step back."

"Bella!"

I can hear Edward's voice calling me, but I can't get to him.

"_He can't help you_."

My heart is racing with panic and fear. Where is he? Where am I? I can feel that I'm trying to break through to the surface, but it feels so far away.

"You don't understand! She's scared. Fuck!" Determination and defiance are present in his tone.

"Edward!" I call his name, so he can find me. So he can pull me out, but I'm not sure if it's only in my mind or if the sound escapes.

"I'm here, Bella. Right here, baby. Open your eyes for me. Please, Bella. Wake up."

"Please?" I hear my own voice, cracked and hoarse and barely above a whisper.

"Come on, baby. Wake up for me."

I think I can feel him. His hands are on my face. I'm scared to open my eyes and see. What if it's my mind playing games? I try and focus on the soft strokes of his fingers on my cheeks; I can feel the tears being used to create the pattern he's tracing, and I force my eyes to open, bracing myself for the potential disappointment.

I open my eyes to see the worry and pain etched on Edward's face, but it quickly dissolves into a relieved smile.

"Ed-"

"Shh," he starts, placing a kiss on my forehead, "they're going to check you over now. I'll be right over here where you can see me."

I nod and keep my eyes on him as he takes a few steps back. I can feel my heartbeat starting to slow down as a nurse and Dr. Nahuel check me over.

"Bella," Dr. Nahuel calls my name and I turn to face him, not all that happy about no longer looking at Edward, "you seem to be back to normal now, but I'm concerned about how fast your heart was beating. If this is a regular occurrence, it could have serious health ramifications in the future. Do you understand?"

I nod, but just barely. My head still hurts quite a bit.

"These, uh...nightmares," Dr. Nahuel begins, pulling a pad of paper from the waist of his white coat, "they happen often?"

"I guess."

"And for how long?"

"Since I was six."

"Really?" He sounds intrigued and curious. I've seen this same demeanor in Dr. Cullen when something medical comes up and piques his interest. Like Alice's unnatural energy reserve. "It's interesting that you can pinpoint the age. Most people can never really determine this kind of finite information. Is there a significance?"

I can feel the ache in my chest thinking about the significance. I can't even answer. It's just...too much. I want to go home. I want out of this plaster covered jail. I want to be where people don't make me think of bad things and bad people.

I want to curl up next to Edward, every inch of my body connected to his, warding off all the bad and replacing it with good. The steady beat of his heart, an echo of mine. His arms a cocoon of love and protection.

I look to Edward, who is already moving to my side, probably sensing that I'm on the verge of...well, I don't really know. He holds my hand in his, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Bella's parents were murdered when she was six. She was in the house the night it happened," he explains in a short tone, basically saying this topic is off limits.

"I see." Dr. Nahuel pauses, like he's in deep thought before speaking again. "Isabella, my specialty is neurology. I can do nerves and brain tissue, but when it comes to less tangible matters, I'm afraid that is an area where I lack. I am concerned about the long term effects of this problem. Therefore, I would like you to talk to someone."

I immediately tense up, knowing where this is going.

"It doesn't need to be a permanent thing, but I'm afraid I can't let you leave without a plan on dealing with this.

"So you're here at Dr. Nahuel's insistence?"

I nod.

"You seem agitated."

"I don't like therapy."

"And why is that?"

"I don't think it's fair that someone who doesn't know me thinks they can play around in my head and solve my problems. Like talking is going to help me get over the trauma in my life or pumping me full of pills is going to cure me of anxiety and fear. I don't like being stuck in the past."

"Would you feel better if I let you take the lead? If I let you choose what we discuss? I'm not interested in keeping you stuck in the past, but you do need to understand that our past is our definition and the future is how we choose to interpret it."

"It won't be easy, but I'd like you to consider my offer over the next week and if you're interested, give me a call and we'll get you your next appointment."

"Thank you," I say in an uninterested tone as I grab my bag and move towards the door.

"Nice to meet you, Bella."

I smile weakly as I leave. I wonder if she'd be okay with me not talking at all?

**~F&FS~**

A few days later, I'm hanging out in Esme's kitchen, helping her get some treats ready for the book reading at the Port Angeles Girls Home tomorrow afternoon, while Edward is out playing with friends. Which, I might add, was rather difficult to accomplish as Edward has been loathe to let me out of his sight. He relented, finally, when I agreed to let him drive me and pick me up. I guess he figured his parents' house was the next best place if I wasn't going to be with him.

Not that I don't want to be with him, but I don't want him to feel obligated to be around me. I need him to feel like he's free to be.

"Is that a planner?" I ask, noticing Esme setting a red, leather bound book on the island just to the right of her butcher block. Seeing it is like looking at a relic of the past.

"This?" She gestures towards the book. "This is my life. Everything is in this book. It keeps me in order."

"Oh, I just use my phone and it syncs to my computer at work and home. It's easier for me."

"Edward tried to get us all into the technology stuff, bought us each one of those new fangled slide screen phone things. I'll never get all the features right."

I laugh, because I know for a fact that Edward bought his parents iPhones. And he's always grumbling about their 'lack of efficiency with the fucking things.'

"Anyway, he taught Kate how to add my stuff to the calendar and I guess it does that sync thing. I know it's important to him."

"I have noticed an 'Esme,' 'Carlisle' and 'Rosalie' calendar on his phone. I guess he likes to keep tabs on you guys."

I did notice it just recently when he asked me to put my doctor's appointments in his calendar since he insists on taking me just about everywhere now. I can't deny that when I saw those calendars in his phone, I felt a tiny pang of jealousy for not seeing a "Bella" calendar in there. I pushed it back and told myself that he doesn't really need one since we spend so much time together. I still wish I saw one, though.

"Yes," Esme sighs wistfully, "but it's not in an overbearing or suffocating way. We've always been a busy family and this is easier for him. Plus, growing up, Edward was always kind of the man in the house."

I'm confused. That's a term often reserved for boys with absent fathers or fathers who have passed and left behind a mother and children. Carlisle is very much alive and very much involved in his family life. Esme must notice my puzzled look because she continues to clarify.

"Carlisle is a bit of a workaholic..."

"So Edward comes by it naturally," I interrupt, and Esme laughs softly.

"Yes, both my cherubs do. Carlisle has a very strong work ethic and has instilled it in my children. I'm very proud. With that comes late nights and long hours. So there were often times when he wasn't home."

"He was never a neglectful father or husband. He made every one of Edward's home baseball games and often some away games. Never missed a piano recital. Always took Rosalie to auditions and modeling sets. Never missed a birthday, always dropped everything if they needed help with school or were ever just in need of dad time. And certainly our relationship has never lacked. Sure, I would miss him nights when he was on call, but he more than made up for it when he was home in every way he could."

I watch as Esme blushes, knowing she's not just talking about Carlisle making sure the trash gets taken out.

"So Edward has always been protective, standing in proxy for his father when he couldn't be around. He never grew out of it, and I don't mind one bit. I'm lucky I have a son who loves his family as much as Edward does. Like his father, his compassion extends beyond his own self-interest."

I nod, because I understand. Edward is nowhere near as patient as Carlisle, but I see that silent compassion in him. Especially for those he loves. And so what if he's less yielding? I love every part of him and I fell in love with him just the way he is.

The way my heart recognizes him, I can't help but wonder if I've always loved him, but I just didn't realize it. Even that first day in the kitchen at my house, it wasn't fear in my reaction, but a strange mixture of shock and elation and this odd urge to twirl and sing. It scared me and I ran.

But after seeing him that day, I felt more alive than I had in longer than I can remember. I wanted to be around him, because eventually I caught on and realized where the source of these strange feelings and desires were originating from.

"Anyway, I'm planning three event meals at once at the moment and it's easier to keep the lists separated, but together, so I can cross-reference and also keep things straight," Esme explains as she shifts a page and I see three laminated pages, which look like lists from this upside down angle.

"Has Edward told you about next week?"

I stare at her blankly for a moment, searching my brain to see if I should know something. "Uh...no?" I state as more of a question because I'm drawing a blank. Maybe he did and I forgot, or maybe he didn't because it's been a stressful time lately and I can't be sure.

"I'm not surprised. Although, I'm sure I wrote out invitations for both you and Alice and set them to post. Maybe they got lost in the mail. You can't trust the postal service these days," Esme goes off on a bit of a rabbit trail. "Carlisle's Uncle Aro is coming to visit and we'll be having a dinner party."

"Uncle Aro?" I question because this name is new to me.

"Well, not really an uncle. More like an extended friend of the family that feels like a family member. Kind of like Edward and Jasper, but less tightly knit. Aro was a friend of Carlisle's parents. Edward doesn't like him very much. He feels like every time he sees him, Aro is trying to recruit him or something."

"Is he, like, a military recruiter?"

"Oh no, cara. I'm sure you need a liver to be in the military and I'm almost certain his is scerosed."

We both laugh a little at her joke. "When is dinner?" I ask as I go back to placing extra chocolate chips on the cookies.

"Friday at seven. Cocktail attire is the style of dress. Before you ask, you don't need to bring anything. Well, bring my reluctant son. He'll probably be in one of those surly moods of his. Aro is awfully finicky anyway, which is why I have to spend all day Friday rolling gnocchi. Not that it takes all day, but I have to roll a lot of it."

My ears perk up because I suck at rolling gnocchi. I always screw it up.

"Uh...would you mind if I came and watched?" Esme looks at me curiously, like why would I want to watch her roll gnocchi? "I admit, I'm asking for selfish reasons. I've tried to roll gnocchi several times and I'm not good at it. Maybe watching you will help me improve."

"Of course, piccolina! You are always welcome in my kitchen. Even if we're just going to sip some wine. Alice, too. Though, not for cooking. I don't think Carlisle would like it if I had to get my kitchen redone again. Rosalie already had her way with it once."

"That's very generous of you, Esme. Thank you."

"Nonsense! We're practically family."

I feel my cheeks flush at her comment, slightly caught off guard by her entire optimistic and generous demeanor. The genuine smile on her face tells me she's serious and I can't help but return the smile as she gives me a quick sideways hug before scurrying off towards the basement door, saying something about checking to make sure they have the right Chianti.

"Bella?" I hear Edward's voice ring down the hall moments later and my stomach flips, knowing he's so near.

Not a moment later, I can feel my face light up at the sight of him as he enters the kitchen. He crosses the room in a confident gait and swoops me up into his arms off the stool I've been sitting on. I can smell his raw scent, musky and unfiltered from the day.

"Did you have fun playing with your friends?"

He smiles, a happy and proud smile before setting me on the counter and moving to step between my legs, causing the summer dress I'm wearing to ride up my thighs. I'm happy Esme left the kitchen because I didn't put leggings on today and dresses are so much easier with this cast.

"Yeah, it was fun," he says in a mockingly disinterested tone.

"How much did you win by?" I ask, unfooled by his fake demeanor and sliding my hands just under the bottom of his baseball shirt, touching the slightly damp skin from his playing, and feeling the toned muscle flinch at my touch.

"Eight," he says with a chuckle. I can't help the swell of pride I feel, knowing his team won by eight. It's just sexy.

I look at his pants and I can see a dirt patch running up his leg. I can almost envision Edward sliding into home base or plate or whatever. Standing on the mound, hitting strikes to the other man holding the bat.

"How many strikes did you hit?"

Edward lets out a hearty laugh, "Pitch, baby. I pitch and strike out batters on the other team. When I'm at bat, I don't strike out." There's an air of playfulness in his tone and I can't deny I want him. I want him right now.

But we're standing in his mother's kitchen.

"Almost done here?"

"Just icing these last few things for your mom."

"I'm gonna shower and then we can go." He kisses me again and I try to hide my disappointment that he's going to be squeaky clean soon. I love him clean too, but his current state is oddly exciting as well.

"Was that my son I heard?" Esme asks as she walks back into the kitchen.

"Uh-huh," I hum, "He just went up to shower. He's all sweaty." I shift my head so my hair falls forward to hide the small smile forming.

As Esme comes back to her position in the kitchen, my iPhone chirps with a text. It's been in my bag on a chair in the breakfast nook and I try to hop over and get it, but Esme beats me to it.

"You don't want him to come in here and see you doing that, and I don't want to hear about it," she says with a laugh.

Laughing with her, I glance down at my screen to see a text from Jasper. I open the text and see a picture of Edward about to pitch at the game they played this afternoon, the words "for you darlin'" are attached to it. My face breaks out into a huge smile. He looks so strong, confident and happy. It makes my heart flutter. I find I'm staring long enough when Esme starts talking again.

"Someone must have sent you a million bucks."

"It's better. Look," I say, still beaming as I lean forward to show her.

"Oh! No wonder you're looking like that."

Esme is telling me about how Edward loved to do canon balls in the pool as a kid and his swim trunks always managed to find their way to the surface before he did. We're in full fledged laughter when Edward enters the room.

"Why do I have a feeling you ladies are up to no good?"

"Always the conspiracy theorist, tesoro," Esme smiles as Edward walks over to her, planting kisses on both cheeks.

He's wearing a pair of dark jeans and a white, v-neck t-shirt. His hair is still damp from the shower and he looks so, so good. I swear, Edward could make a paper bag look sexy.

"Ready?" he asks, sliding up to me and planting a kiss on my exposed neck. I nod with a hum as I place the last few cookies I just finished icing on top of the wax paper in the basket.

Edward helps me down from the stool and then grabs a basket from the larger than average fridge before kissing Esme on the cheeks one more time.

"What's that?" I ask, gesturing towards the basket as we head towards the door, Edward supporting most of my weight, even though I am fully capable of walking myself. It's just a stupid cast, not a ten ton weight.

"Lunch."

"Where are we going?"

"You ask a lot of damn questions; don't you trust me?" Edward helps me into the car and leans forward, his face just a few small inches away from mine.

"Implicitly, but surprises..."

"Have I ever surprised you with shit you didn't like?"

"No, but..."

"Shh," he shuts me up with a soft kiss and I decide it's no longer a big deal if he wants to surprise me a little.

As we drive, I soon figure out where we're headed as Edward takes the familiar path towards our little field by the lake. I know he found it with Jasper, but I've decided it's ours.

He pulls over and parks and comes around to the passenger side to help me out of the car.

"Hop on," he declares, turning his back to me.

"What?"

"Bella, you can't fucking walk through these woods with your leg in that cast. So I'm going to carry you, piggy back. So, get on."

"Oh." A child-like smile spreads across my face as I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He hands me the basket to hold while he grabs onto my thighs, holding me to him.

We reach the clearing and Edward sets me down while he lays down a blanket, placing rocks on the corners so it doesn't fly away.

He holds my hand as I sit down, then he sits down across from me and lifts my leg up to place a pillow underneath. The basket is like a Marry Poppins, or perhaps Mary Alice's, carpet bag as he pulls out item after item. Fresh cut fruit, roasted turkey with Swiss for me and honey ham on rye with provolone for him. Perrier, because I can't drink on my pain meds for my leg and head injury, he reminds me. A honey-vinaigrette salad he made with red onions, yellow bell peppers, English cucumbers and more. It's just a pretty salad! And for desert, a slice of a chocolate torte, which he tells me we'll share. And now I know why he insisted I sleep at my place last night.

Conversation is light and playful. Nothing super important, but all generally so. Sometimes, just sitting and talking to Edward is better than anything else we do. It's relaxed and natural and we're pretty much on the same wavelength about the things that matter. And debating about the little things that don't is fun, too.

I tell him that Esme invited me to dinner Friday. To which he apologizes for not telling me sooner. He meant to talk to me about it, but it slipped his mind. I believe it. Considering he obviously doesn't want to go and he's been stressing himself out about every little thing. I keep telling him to relax before the stress makes him go prematurely bald; I like his hair.

By the time we're done eating, I've managed to find my way to lean back into him, resting my head against his chest as he leans against a tree. I'm playing with our hands, lacing our fingers together, tracing the outline of his long fingers, playing with the shadows our hands create. It's a fun, lazy, summer afternoon. I could sleep here, like this. In our place, surrounded by him.

Edward shifts and lifts his left leg so it's bent at the knee. I turn my body so that I'm now resting against that knee and have better access to see his face. We're now kind of perpendicular as I swing my legs out and across his other leg that is still flush to the ground. I move my hand to his cheek, brushing the slightly more than light stubble as he tells me more about his baseball game. I won't pretend to understand what all this technical jargon is and he knows that, but I understand the passion for the game that he has. So I'll listen to him talk about it all day. I love the way it makes him smile and the way his eyes dance with happiness.

"If you love it so much, why did you give it up?" I ask, curious about why he stopped playing. I know he's mentioned that he wasn't professional material, but he could do like a minor league or city league. I know they have them.

"I don't have the temperament to take orders from some fuckhead to do something I love. It would kill it for me."

"What about Eclipse?"

"The three of us have equal say. It's a partnership, not a bullshit employer-employee relationship. The lines are clearly drawn and I'd give up Eclipse in the fucking blink of an eye if it ever came between us. I know the guys feel the same way."

Again, I understand. I know they all have their own areas of responsibility and when it comes to big things, they discuss and decide. I know that none of them would ever hesitate to step in and help each other out, regardless of what the reason may be. Whether Jasper gets an emergency call from Maria or accompanies Ali out of town, Emmett just wants to stay home and tinker with an engine, or Edward decides he'd rather spend a Friday night with me.

Because I have Alice, I think I understand that unconditional, familial love they share - even though they aren't related. I had it with my parents, but they haven't been around for a long time and it's not much of a fathomable concept that young anyway.

We stare at each other for a bit, just drinking one another in. The intensity of his gaze locks me to him in a mesmerizing trance.

"What?" Edward's voice is soft, bringing me back to the present.

"You're just so sure...of everything. Who you are, what you want, where you want to go." I sigh and it's sad. For I know deep down, part of me isn't so sure. There are still pieces of my soul that aren't whole. There are still things missing, things in the past that prohibit me from truly moving on. If I was dead, I'd be a ghost wandering the limbo plane forever.

"Not everything, but I'm sure of you," Edward replies, the strength in his tone traveling through me and rooting me to him. A solid, strong root like the redwoods of the wild forest that thrive for hundreds and thousands of years.

He kisses me and I'm helpless to resist. I can taste the chocolate on his tongue from the torte and his warm, sun-kissed cheeks.

His hands graze my breasts and across my stomach. They gently trace over my exposed thighs and then back up toward my breasts again. He lightly rolls each nipple through the thin material of my sun dress and I moan against his mouth.

My hands have crawled into his hair, finding purchase on his clean, now dry locks as I arch my back into his touch, wanting more.

It's been too long.

In general, most things between us are the same. We're as close as ever; I love him no less.

Most things haven't changed. Like, how he pulls me to him as soon as we're in bed together, whether he gets it in first, like the rare occasion he's in bed before me because I'm working hard on a project for work. Or those nights he surprises me and comes to my room after he's done at work. He'll get into bed and pull me to him. I love the way my body slides across the cool sheets and nestles in his warmth. He breathes me in, as I sigh contentedly and then drift off to sleep.

We kiss for hours and hours to the point of bruised lips. Soft and gentle strokes, memorizing each other by touch and feel.

He still tries to persuade me to not go into work some days. Sometimes, he wins. I know he doesn't do it to sabotage my work in anyway. This is evident in the fact that he'll make sure I have coffee when he comes in from a morning run to give me an extra push in the morning. Or the fact that he doesn't ask every day and the days when I do give in, he's always surprised. And how excited he gets when I'm working on an author's work, testing out their recipes and he gets to watch...and taste. Though, if I make him eat pea soup again, he might ban me from the kitchen.

He's still obsessive about my safety and I still rub his back at night when his dreams plague him. I still giggle like an idiot when he texts me and when I see him, I light up like a Christmas tree. All those gushy feelings are still there.

What has changed is no sex.

It's like he thinks he'll break me. Dr. Nahuel didn't say no sex, but Edward seems to be hard of hearing.

Edward shifts us so I'm now laying flat and he's leaning over me, kissing me still. My lips are sore, but I don't care. It's a good sore, like after a workout or a wax, but better. We're both panting and my body is alive with want and need.

"More please," I pant against him, tugging on his hair and slightly pushing my hips in his direction.

His lips cover mine and I part my lips, inviting him in. Our tongues tango together in an intimate frenzy, our breaths together as one.

I'm so wound up now. I'm silently praying to whoever will listen that he won't stop. That he won't leave me with the kind of unpleasant pain that comes from unrelenting sexual dissatisfaction.

The kissing leads to nibbling and I find myself tugging at his t-shirt to get it off. It takes a fraction of a second for him to tug it over his head, then bring his lips back to mine. I run my hands over his skin, warm from the heat of the day and firm from the strength of his muscles.

My dress is somewhere up past my waist now, the light fabric tickling my stomach as it swishes back and forth, but I'm itching to get the damned thing off. It's in the way! I start to pull at the hem, and keep my mouth glued to whatever part of Edward is within reach, but it seems that I can't multi-task at this point.

Edward chuckles, like the smug, pretty bastard he is, and helps me get it over my head. His hair is a total mess. More so than usual from my tugging and the wind blowing off the small lake. Stray hairs tickle my skin as he moves around, kissing my lips, my neck, my collarbones, my arms, every spare inch he can find, but not any place where I want him the most.

He reaches my hips and places a kiss on my left hip bone, making my body jerk in response, to which he laughs and does it again. Then, he hooks his thumbs into the lace of my boy shorts and starts to pull them off me. I lift my hips to help him remove my panties and when I place them back down, I realize he has placed a pillow beneath me.

I am now fully naked as Edward shifts away from me to remove the rest of his clothes and I watch. My desire for him spiking even higher as he tosses one sneaker to the side and then the other, followed by his belt, his jeans and then he stops, leaving his boxers on.

"Hey, no fair!" I chastise playfully. Not because I'm naked and he's not and I don't want to be, but I want him to be too.

He just shrugs and all but pounces on me - licking, blowing, tickling, sucking and making me squeal and laugh. It's just so awesome to be playful with him after all the stress we've been under lately and the perpetual dark cloud that seems to hang over us.

He lifts my arms above my head, leaning over me and I tense. I can feel my heartbeat speed up and the fear creeping up my spine. I close my eyes, as flashes of Mike pinning me down against my will and forcing himself on me threaten my consciousness.

I shake slightly as I try and fight off the fear. I've done so well not letting what he did conquer me, but there are times I can't do anything about how I react.

"It's okay, Bella," Edward whispers, letting go of my wrists. "It's just you and me. I won't hurt you. I'll do whatever you want. If you want me to stop, just say so."

I take a few deep breaths, trying to get my heart under control. I focus on the other, more dominant sensations like the humming of my skin and the happy butterflies in my stomach, the intended wetness between my thighs, elicited by my overwhelming attraction to this man. How no part of my brain registers fear in his presence, but it's a conditioned body reaction. He won't hurt me; he loves me and most important, I love him and I want him. I want to be whole and willing for him.

I open my eyes, focusing my gaze on his intense green stare. He's so patient with me. Loving and attentive when most men wouldn't bother.

"I want you," I declare, my voice soft but steady. There is no wavering, I'm sure.

Edward gives me that crooked smile that has the ability to send all my senses on the fritz and my stomach flip-flops.

He doesn't say anything but starts to kiss me hungrily, trailing blazing hot kisses over every inch of my skin, making me moan and writhe in pleasure. I've missed his intimate touch so much.

I'm so worked up that I almost come the moment his tongue barely grazes my clit. I hear him chuckle lowly between my thighs and I attempt to roll my eyes under lids laden with lust, but fail as he starts to lap at my flesh.

"Oh!" I cry.

My hips buck when he deftly slides two fingers against my yearning slit and then slides them in.

"Mmhm," Edward hums, and I know I won't be lasting much longer.

I can feel the pressure building as he twists his fingers inside me, pressing against that oh, so sensitive spot.

"Sweetest taste," he says against me, but I think it is more for him than for me. His mouth surrounds me, creating a seal as his tongue laps out against my clit and I cry out in bliss as my orgasm sparks and then takes over. I'm riding the pleasure wave and barely register the removal of his mouth. Edwards fingers continue to pleasure me, keeping my skin prickling on that sensitive edge.

Then, suddenly, I feel him at my entrance, but it doesn't fully register until his rather loud "fuck" breaks through my haze as his cock nudges at my walls. Still sitting in orgasmic limbo, I clench around him and gasp. Its been far too long and I love the feel of us together.

"I don't want it slow," I tell him. He looks down at me, a look of shock and surprise dancing across his sharp features.

"Are you sure?"

"Just have me, please. I need you so much."

I don't think he hesitates for one second before he pulls his hips back and then thrusts into me forcefully. Not in an abusive way, but in a good way and we both make sounds unfit for third party ears as our bodies collide.

My eyes trail up his exquisite form as he continues to drive my body insane with his power. I watch the muscles in his stomach and chest contract and relax with each movement and the few beads of sweat dripping down the center line of his torso makes me lick my lips involuntarily between cries of pleasure.

I reach his face and he's watching me intently, a lazy look of lust lingering on his features. A heavenly view of Edward illuminated by the sky greets me, while my heart soars with love.

I reach up my arms out to him and close my fists in a grabbing motion, showing him what I can't say - come to me. He grabs my hands in his and kisses them both before he shifts and brings his long body down to mine.

He doesn't want to hurt me, so he supports his weight on his forearms, but I can feel every inch of him. I've missed the weight of him. I've missed the feeling of being surrounded by him in this way. He's much bigger than I am and I love the feeling of being captured by him, just like how he has captured my heart.

I let out a whimper as I wrap my legs around him, digging my fingers into his back, needing him as close as possible, which is never close enough. I can feel my own desperate need for him gnawing at me.

"Open your eyes, baby," Edward croons. I'm not aware that my eyes are even closed because I was just lost in the sensations and glory of these beautiful moments. Surrounded by a peaceful sky, warm earth and grounded by our connection.

His pelvis is rubbing against me, making it harder for me to keep my bliss at bay. I'm not sure I want to, but I also don't want this to end.

"Fuck, baby. I'm so close, but I'll wait for you."

Edward is grinding his jaw, his teeth clenched together as he groans out that simple sentence.

"Together," I manage to squeak, and he nods against our foreheads that are now touching.

There's kissing and clawing and nipping and then my back arches as I cry out the name of my other half, perfectly created for me and me alone.

Edward lets out a manly sound in my ear that most resembles something like a snarl as his steady rhythm is thrown off balance for a moment, as he lets go. His teeth find purchase on my neck just above my collar bone and his grip on my body tightens a little, as if he's afraid I'll disappear, but I'm not going anywhere.

"I fucking love you," he breaths against the spot where his teeth just grazed my neck.

"Oh, sweet boy, I love you so much. I love you with all that I am, all I will ever be and more." My voice is thready and thick.

"I'm incomplete without you, Bella." His green eyes, brightened by the light of the sun, bore into my very core. I only see truth in them.

"That makes two of us," I whisper, overcome with emotion.

He leans in and captures my lips with his in a fevered kiss. My arms wrap around him, holding him to me with all the strength I have.

We lay together under the cover of trees; I've slipped on Edward's t-shirt and he's slipped his jeans back on.

It's quiet, no talking. Just the presence of one another with only the few birds chirping and leaves rustling to add sound. I'd stay like this forever. Alas, there's this thing called life.

"Can we go somewhere?"

"Anywhere you want. Alaska, Brazil, Italy..."

I laugh at his extravagance. "No, Edward. Nothing like that. I want to go to the Farmer's Market on the edge of town. I noticed your mom likes raspberries and I want to make her something."

"Are you sure? I'd rather take you to Alaska. Imagine bundling up together to combat the cold? I've never fucked in the snow," he trails off, nibbling my ear and making my entire body shiver with excitement.

"Me neither," I sigh, barely above a hushed breath.

"So, we can go now. We don't have to fly, we can make a road trip out of it." He continues to run his lips and tongue over my skin, my nipples are having circles drawn around them with his talented fingers.

"It's not even cold in Alaska now."

"So?" He moves his lips to mine and I moan as his teeth graze my bottom lip before our lips tangle passionately.

I take a breath, and it's like oxygen fuels my brain as realization dawns on me.

"Are you trying to get out of dinner Friday?"

"Hm?" Edward questions with a sound, trying to distract me some more with his mouth.

"Edward?" I try and sound stern, but it comes out more like a soft moan.

He sets back from me a little bit with a sigh, "Listen, Aro is fucking lecherous. He's got that can't keep my fucking hands to myself issue and I don't really want you around him."

"You'll be there, right?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then, I'm not worried. Now can we please go get raspberries now? Then we can go home. I have a new book to read you." Edward smiles as I hand him back his t-shirt.

I read a lot and at some point, I come around to reading to Edward instead of just reading silently. I can't really be sure when the change took place, but it's something we both generally enjoy. I don't always read to him, mostly on nights when he is having trouble sleeping. And sometimes I just read certain chapters or passages from a book. When I told Alice about it, she thought it was the cutest thing ever. Then she came home with a new book for me to read.

When she tossed _Dirty_ by Megan Hart on the table, my entire skin went aflame.

"Read something else to Edward, other than books about virginal puritans and morose Brits," she said through laughing at my reaction.

"You know the best pickings are first thing in the morning, right?" Edward stated, interrupting my memory.

"Yes, but it's fun to sift through the end of the day's remnants. Plus, more ripe raspberries are better for Bavarian Cream."

Edward looks at me with an amused smile as he takes in my excitement while I slip my dress back on and look for my panties. I love going to the Farmer's Market and we've gone together many times, both in Forks and Seattle. He's just a big perv and would rather keep me here to see if he can convince me to run away to Alaska for however long. If I wasn't so fond of Esme, I might. Like, say, if Charlotte was throwing a party, I'd be gone in a heartbeat.

We're driving through Forks, and Edward is telling me about Uncle Aro. I'm staring out the window as we turn down a familiar road. A road I haven't traveled in seventeen years. One I would never allow myself to see again.

I feel my heartbeat speed up, faster and faster, as we get closer to the place I once called home. I can see it in the distance, not too far. The white sticking out from the blue and green from houses on either side.

"Stop."

"What?"

"Stop! Edward, stop the car!" I all but screech into the once calm atmosphere of the monster Mercedes. My body jerks in my seat as the car comes to a jarring stop, Edward's arm comes out across my chest to make sure I don't go flying even though I'm wearing my seatbelt. This small act of care is not lost on me, even though I'm almost no longer present.

_Flashing lights, crowds, not-so-hushed voices. Blue uniforms and reflective surfaces. That awful yellow tape. Shivering in my white night gown, covered in daisies, even though it was a very warm summer night. Looking down and seeing red, the only sound registering to my brain was the sound of me screaming. _

_I couldn't let them take me away. Not from mommy and daddy. They were hurt. I had to kiss it better. Just like mom did when I touched the hot iron or daddy did when I insisted I ride my first bike without training wheels too soon and scraped my leg._

_The blinding lights inside the big car that the boys in kindergarten liked to play with that always went along with a car like daddy's car for work. The really loud one that I always covered my ears when it rode through town._

_I cried and screamed and then a man made it stop. _Carlisle_. I remember it now. I remember them both. Esme was there as well. It's foggy, like I'm looking at them through tear-rimmed eyes, but I see it. His kind eyes and her soft smile. I think I remember her touch on my cheek and sitting on her knee while Carlisle checked me over. _

_The next thing I remember is being picked up by the Brandons and going home. Well, not to my home._

I blink and fresh tears fall from my eyes as I look out the window to see a "For Sale" sign on the lawn.

"Baby, what?" Edward calls, his hand reaching out to cup my chin and turn me to him.

"It's my home," I whisper, "I lived here. When...before..."

Understanding registers on his face and he looks beyond me towards the house. A look of confusion darkens his features, like he's trying to process something, before he looks back at me.

"Shit! I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I was just driving and took a shortcut."

"Shh," I say, placing a finger on his lips. If I let him continue, he'll just kick his own butt for this for days. I turn away from him and go to open the door, tentatively swinging my legs out to exit the car.

"You don't have to do this, Bella."

"I want to," I say with a nod. I may not have to, but I need to. The house never hurt me and to not see if for all these years is pretty silly. Right?

Almost instantly, he hops out and stands by my side. He doesn't say anything, and he doesn't have to. I understand him and he understands me.

We walk toward the door and my mouth goes dry. I have no idea who lives here, if anyone does. I've completely avoided this place and blocked out anything related to it. Though the curtains in the windows lead me to believe someone does live here.

We walk up the shallow front steps, steps I remember sitting on while Charlie tinkered with whatever. Usually something resembling a car part. In winter, I remember helping him salt them so we wouldn't fall. I inherited my clumsiness from Renee.

I automatically hop over the top step with Edward's help, remembering that it creaked and I'm not disappointed as Edward steps on it and the wood groans. For a moment, I wonder what it would have been like to date him in high school. Would I be able to get away with sneaking out if I jumped over the creaking step? Could we make out on the porch when he brought me home without Renee hovering in the window with child-like jubilance while Charlie grunted and cleaned a shotgun?

I'll never know.

I take a deep breath and ring the bell, the familiar chime making my stomach flip. It's quiet and there are no signs of anyone coming. I ring the bell again, just to be sure, but then there is a soft shuffling sound. Like slippers moving across hardwood. I wonder if whoever lives here kept the hardwood floors Charlie laid down? And I wonder if the acetone stain Alice and I left when we experimented with nail-polish from our mother's makeup bags is still there?

"Hello dearies, how can I help you?" An elderly woman asks as she slowly pulls the door ajar.

I can't say anything, but I just stare past her. The stairs in full view, my room at the top. If it had not been for the call of nature leading me to the bathroom, I could have been first to die that night. He would have reached my room first.

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**A/N**

I've been asked when this story will end. In truth, I don't have an exact chapter number. However, I am aiming for chapter 50.

There will be at least three more outtakes. Two planned and one purchased by DPattinson in The FGB that is not mapped out. One of those outtakes will first appear in the Fics for Preemies effort (link in my profile)

I'm going to be judging for the Cupcake Wars Contest as well as The Cherry Exchange. Both links will be on my profile.

**I appreciate you all and thank you for reading.**

**xx**


	45. Ch 44: The Connection

cclore and PhoenixMP3, thank you for waiting for me.

Disclaimer: SM owns the Twilight shit. Blah, blah, etc, etc.

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 44: The Connection**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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My beautiful girl is finally sound asleep. Her mahogany hair spread out in tangled waves across her pillow, slivers of dull sunlight dance across her now peaceful face through the cracks in her deep purple curtains.

I take off my tear and snot-stained t-shirt, toss it in her hamper and pull on another from the space she keeps for me in her closet. I sit down in her "comfy," as Bella calls the chair in her room, and watch her. Sighing heavily, I think about how I really just want to kick my own ass. It's my fault she spent the last three hours bawling her fucking heart out; tears as fat as Forks raindrops staining her cheeks.

Holding her as she cried was my punishment for not being a more mindful boyfriend and steering clear of the one place in all the world, that would bring her crashing down like a Jenga tower. I could never play that game as a kid; the disorder of the entire process was fucking torture. I obviously have not gotten any better at navigating delicate situations.

I knew she had not been back there since she was little, but I never bothered to process it past that little piece of information. It's pretty obvious why she never went back, and if I had just taken the time to think, this could have been avoided.

I fucking hate it when Bella cries!

I hate it even more when Bella cries so hard she gets hiccups, when she just forgoes tissues because she's crying too much to catch it all. I hate when she tries to breathe through her tears and it sounds like she's hyperventilating as she tries to get air. Every other word is an intermittent sound for me to decipher and she's so hysterical, but then she turns into a catatonic void once her body can't keep up with her emotions anymore.

I felt every tear, every breath, every tensed muscle as her body was wracked with sobs and every hiccup as she started to come down from the bullshit emotional journey.

I felt my own damn heart wrenching in my chest and wrestled with my own thoughts of confusion, a kaleidoscope of bullshit. Bleak pieces floating in my head, but not creating a full picture. Dark, hooded figures, violent screams, wild animals...Then, trying to reconcile the desire to break some shit with the innate need to protect and help Bella.

I pick up my phone, taking my eyes off Bella for just a moment to make sure I dial the correct number.

"How is she?" my father asks, answering his phone before the first ring is through.

All my life my father has always answered my call, unless in surgery where phones weren't allowed. I could always call the operating room, but I did that once in a non-emergency situation and my parents were pissed. I did call him earlier today, seeking help, advice, a solution, anything. She couldn't stop crying and if I'm being honest, I was fucking scared. Ever since Dr. Nahuel said that Bella's nightmare activity was a danger to her health, I've been on edge. If she so much as gets a headache or stirs in her sleep, I all but lose my shit. He told me to wait it out a little longer, and he would be ready if I needed him. His concern was about overloading her system unnecessarily.

"She's asleep now. She passed out."

"She'll need to sleep off that kind of trauma to her system. She might be out for a while. Do you think you can handle that?"

"I'll take it over watching her fall the fuck apart again," I sigh. What choice do I have?

We talk for a few more minutes, my voice hushed so I don't disturb Bella. I could just step out of the room, but there's a slim chance in hell of that happening. I give Carlisle more details about what happened, and he listens. He doesn't try and placate me with happy and cliche phrases. He just listens.

"You really are in love, aren't you?" Carlisle asks as the conversation nears an end.

"Yeah. I am," I say with a smile tugging at my lips. " Bella is...well...," I'm hung up on trying to explain. I don't actually have words for the way my heart beats for her or my every thought revolves around her. How do I explain that it's her and nothing else matters?

"I know, son. Take good care of her."

We hang up and I sit back, continuing to watch her.

The shift of light in the room is the only measurement of time passing that I have. I can't watch the clock because it will make me fidgety and shit. I resist getting into bed with her, even though I want to feel her warmth, inhale her scent and count every breath. Every now and again, I get up and hover over her to make sure she's still breathing because she's so still.

Alice knocks softly on the door, her tiny feet carrying her on a bed of air as she glides into the room, not waiting for a response. Not like I expect her to or anything.

"Passed out, huh?" It's not really a question, more of a rhetorical statement and I don't respond. Jasper stands by the door like a sentinel and we exchange a sad look; his concern for Bella is as clear as if I could read every damn thought running through his mind.

I watch Alice kneel on the bed beside Bella, a single tear drops down onto the sheet across Bella's chest as Alice's hand smooths some hairs off her forehead. "Why'd you do it, Bella?" she whispers. "Why'd you go back?" Alice looks to me and the look on her face refreshes my memory that Alice has been there from the beginning.

"She refused to go back there. My parents had to get her things because she started to get hysterical when they suggested she go with them."

Alice goes on to explain how Bella has avoided her childhood home for years, but my mind drifts off. Thinking about how Alice's question mirrors Bella's shrieking sobs from earlier.

The sobs that broke free once we left the house, because inside the house, she put on a brave face. I had no fucking clue what awaited me when we got back to the car, before we even got inside. She held it together until her hand hit the doorknob and that was the end.

_The placard on the door reads "Senna" and I'm a little shocked to see an elderly woman answer the door, her eyes tired, but her smile genuine._

_"Hello dearies, how can I help you?" she asks softly, looking between Bella and me. Bella doesn't say anything, but just stares past her, so I speak first._

"_Hello, I'm Edward Cullen and this is my girlfriend Bella Swan. We-"_

"_Swan?" she asks, her eyes growing wide, staring at Bella in curiosity. "Come in, come in. Sorry dearies, I was just setting a kettle on for tea. Won't you join me?"_

"_Yes, thank you," Bella manages to say, breaking out of her daze._

"_What brings you lovely children down to see an old woman on such a great afternoon? Shouldn't you be outdoors, enjoying each other's company?"_

_I look down at Bella and see the blush creeping over her skin, probably thinking about how we did enjoy each other today. _

"_Uhm...we were uh...in the neighborhood and I grew up here. Well, I lived here for a time and I wanted to stop. I hope we're not bothering you."_

"_Oh no, dear. I don't get many visitors. It's been lonely these years since my Max departed."_

_Something about this woman seems familiar, but I'm not entirely sure what. Then again, maybe I knew her through my mom or something. Esme has always been heavily involved in the community._

"_How long have you lived here?" Bella inquires, her hands fidgeting in her lap._

"_I think just under seventeen years now. I lost my Max eighteen years ago and I moved into this charming home sometime after."_

"_Have you always lived in Forks?" I ask, the vague familiarity is fucking nagging at my brain._

"_Sure have. Born and raised, met my Max when he was bagging my groceries. I used to live on the other side of town, up the narrow path by the mountains, but the house was too big for just me and being all the way up there after he was gone made me feel unsafe."_

_Then it dawns on me, Max and Maggie Senna. Senna Logging. We used to hang out behind the factory and play on the chopped logs. When we got older, we used to get high there, too. The smell from the factory killed the weed aroma._

_The kettle starts to scream and Mrs. Senna gets up to prepare the tea. Bella hops up to help her once she sees how the woman's hand is shaking. I smile at my girl, so thoughtful and attentive. Mrs. Senna thanks her and they come back to the table, Bella carrying the tea tray and setting it down._

"_Would you happen to be the daughter of Charles and Renee Swan?" Mrs. Senna questions Bella, who is mid sip of her tea and she nods in response._

"_I'm so sorry, deary. What happened to your parents was awful. That was such a dreadful time in Forks. Crime was running rampant and they all appeared to be isolated incidents. I'm glad we're back to the peaceful nature of the town."_

"_Do you think they were connected?"_

"_I couldn't say. I'm not an expert. And I dare say, your father was the best Chief of Police this town ever had and if he couldn't fix it, no one could."_

_Bella smiles in appreciation, comforted by the fond words spoken of her father. "His job was important to him."_

"_It was. When my Max was found dead, it was Charles Swan who was the first to arrive on the scene. He poured over every thing and left no stone unturned. People just don't work that hard anymore. It's a shame."_

"_Found dead?" I chime in. I had been assuming her husband died of natural causes, but found dead and the police looking into it implies something else entirely._

"_I'm afraid so. I found him in the garage, face down in his own blood." Mrs. Senna shudders and Bella offers her soft hand to her as a small comfort. "Both our cars were stolen and they believe he was killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I guess there were regular car heists at the time. Like I said, it was a dreadful time in Forks history. Charles and his deputies poured over it, but came up short. They never found those responsible."_

_"They never found the man who killed my parents either," Bella says softly._

"_Our loved ones sit in the heavens above and guide us through our lives," Mrs. Senna tries to soothe._

_We chat for a little while, Mrs. Senna mostly talking about her garden. I sense that she just enjoys other people's company. I make a mental note to tell Esme about her; she is much better at this sort of thing. I'm already anxious and edgy and I know I couldn't do this regularly._

_Bella asks if she can go up and see her old room, which Mrs. Senna says is full of yarn and things she uses to knit and sew. Bella doesn't care. For some reason, she insists on seeing it anyway._

_She goes up and I help Mrs. Senna put her tea away, telling Bella I'll come up in a minute._

_As we head up the stairs, Bella starts to come back down. She seems to be in a hurry and thanks Mrs. Senna for her time and tea before heading outside. I thank her as well and follow behind Bella._

_That's when I see her grab the handle of my Mercedes and lose her balance, about to sag onto the ground, but I catch her. I help her into the car and then move around quickly to get in the driver's seat, but not quickly enough as she is already in full blown tear mode when I open my door._

I would like to go back to this morning where Bella woke me up to a fucking amazing blow-job, then insisted I go play baseball with friends. Go back to having fun on the mound, something I haven't bothered to do all year. Back to the contented look on her face while she's in the kitchen with my mom. Then just hanging out with Bella in our special spot by the lake and fucking her until she screams my name and claws at my skin with no one to hear her unguarded sounds but me.

Still waiting on that time travel device I ordered.

Bella stirs, rolls over, and then sighs. She must be waking up. I stay seated and wait to see if she is in fact going to wake up or if she's about to talk in her sleep and then drift off again.

She sits up a little, showing me that she's awake, but the look on her face lets me know she's still lost in her mind. I go over to her and lean down, her eyes meet mine and I'm almost freaked out by how red they are from her crying - bloodshot and fucking swollen around the edges.

I shake myself out of it. I know sometimes I can't control my facial expressions and the last thing I need is for her to start crying again. I'm hoping she doesn't have any tears left.

"Come on," I tell her, holding out my hand. I'm going to give her a shower and get her cleaned up. Baking grit, nature dirt and tears are probably not a comfortable combination.

She takes my hand, but not with much strength and follows me into the bathroom. I turn on the water and let it warm up while I help her get undressed. This shit is fucking difficult. Her nipples pucker immediately as they meet the cooler air, her skin is soft and a natural blush is starting to darken over her naturally creamy color. And removing her panties almost fucking kills me as her scent assaults my nose and makes my mouth salivate.

She steps in while I take off my own clothes. She stands and watches, her eyes traveling over my body. I can see the lust and appreciation in her eyes, hidden behind sadness and exhaustion. I step in behind her, kissing her shoulder as I reach for her shampoo.

I have no doubt that if I was offered immortality right now, I would find it easier to turn it down than handling this shower. Every time her hair or back brushes against my dick, it takes a lot of will power to not push her against the wall. If I wasn't already sure that I love her, this would be a good indication. I'm not concerned about pounding her pussy and hearing her scream my name. I'm aware that what she needs right now isn't to be fucked, but to be cared for.

So I wash her hair and manage to get both of us clean without bending her over. I help her dry off, her tired eyes boring into mine as I move the towel across her skin. She quietly puts on sweats and a t-shirt, one of mine, while I dry myself off and after I get dressed, I hold her to me as we walk downstairs so I can make sure she eats something. She mumbles thanks and offers small smiles to let me know she appreciates it. I already know she does.

We eat in silence. Bella opting for half of a ham sandwich and a glass of water, which I add slices of lemon and lime to, because that's how she drinks it. She sits next to me, as close as she can get, a piece of her body in contact with mine at all times.

When I go to clean up, Alice breezes in to take over, but not before giving Bella a firm hug. As we leave the kitchen, I can see her eyes drooping. My girl has had it and can barely get herself up the stairs. Inside her room, Bella starts to strip. Each step to her bed leaves her in one less piece of clothing.

She looks up at me and I just know. I make my way over, removing my clothes and placing them folded on top of her dresser while she waits. I slide into the bed and pull the blankets back, holding out my hand for her to join me.

Bella's mask has fallen. I don't mean a mask of bravado or arrogance to cover insecurity. More like a shield that is very much a part of her so she can live her life. Every now and then it shifts and today it fell, leaving her completely raw and vulnerable.

She crawls in and snuggles up to me, her bare flesh flush to mine - something that I learned is very soothing for her when she goes off to that place of pain. Nothing I can say can fix what she feels. So I just give her what she needs and take nothing.

She keeps drifting in and out, like she's forcing herself to stay awake.

"You should sleep," I tell her. I know she's exhausted.

"Can't."

"You're already nodding off, stop trying to stay awake. I won't let anything happen."

"It's not that-"

She's quiet for a while. If I didn't know her fidgety sleep patterns better, I'd think she had fallen asleep.

"It's that life is so short and so unexpected. If...if something were to happen," she inhales a shaky breath, her hand grabs my chest, which wouldn't hurt if I was wearing a fucking shirt. "If I die tomorrow, I don't want to lose one second with you."

"You're not going to die."

"You don't know that. One minute Renee was tucking me in and the next she was lifeless on the floor. Mr. Senna went out to have a cigarette and never came back. And look what was left behind - grieving people. People who would never be the same."

"The what-if game is bullshit, Bella."

"Doesn't make it any less scary."

That's the last thing she says before hot tears start to roll down my chest and stomach. I pull her tighter to me and let her cry it out until she passes out. Praying to who the fuck knows? The stars, the Pope, the holy fucking Grail, that when she wakes up, she'll be less despondent.

**~F&FS~**

"Hey, okay?" Ali asks, pulling on my arm and turning me to face her. I've just arrived at the girls' house to pick up Bella and go over to my parents. While Bella was with my mom, I occupied my day with her car; making sure that all her fluids were topped off, tires balanced, brakes working correctly and all that shit. On the way here, I tried to think of various ways to get out of it.

I thought of maybe stopping by Emmett's and hitting him over the head so he's knocked out and can't attend. But then I figured Rosalie would kill me.

I thought about having Bella call my mom and say she was sick, and I could stay with her because my parents know I wouldn't leave her if she was sick. Then I thought it through and realized Carlisle would want to come and check on her and after he didn't find anything wrong, I would be in trouble.

I could just not show up and say I forgot, but no one would believe that.

Then I remembered that Bella helped my mom roll gnocchi today and she's fucking excited to have me try it. So really, I'm going because of her.

"Yeah, I just don't wanna do this shit," I reply to Ali.

Alice hums a response and barely nods as if she's thinking about something else. "We'll see you guys later, right?" Alice asks, confirming that Bella and I will head to Eclipse after dinner.

Just then, Bella comes out of the kitchen looking good enough to eat. I can't take my eyes off her and I suddenly think that sex is as good a reason as any to not go to this fucking dinner. Looking at her, I temporarily forget my aggravation and any confusion I've been experiencing lately.

"You like it?" she asks as she stops in front of me, nervously biting her bottom lip.

"Enough to take you upstairs and remove it carefully," I reply, licking my lips just thinking about it.

"Alice made it," Bella states, ignoring my suggestion, but I can tell it got to her by the rosy tint on her skin.

I head out after Bella and Ali moves to the porch, watching as I go. Her arms are crossed over her chest and she's leaning against the door jamb. It's unnerving, being watched like that. Like she's expecting something or knows something I don't. Even if she did, she'd never tell. She has this thing about throwing the universe off balance or some shit.

Jasper is manning Eclipse tonight as Em also has to attend this shit. Alice decided to stay in and work on a design she can't get out of her head until later. The two of them can't really be separated for any length of time and I figure they'll officially be living together soon.

"I've got something for you," I tell Bella as we reach my parents and I park in my spot next to mom's Cayenne.

She turns to look at me and I'm surprised at my nervousness under her gaze. Every day, every moment with her confirms I love her more and more. No girl has ever made me nervous before, no woman has inspired these kinds of feelings, commanded my every move just by devotion. Bella is always the exception.

I reach into my pocket and pull out a small box. Bella's hand jerks in her lap, almost like an involuntary muscle spasm and it pulls me back to the moment. I place it in her open palm and she stares at the closed box for what seems like an eternity.

Finally, with a shaky hand she opens it. She pulls out her charm bracelet and examines it until she comes across the small, white gold charm of the Earth. She looks at me and I can see the questions written all over her face.

"Because you are my world," I tell her. I don't have a speech planned, no grandiose gestures of composed music or anything. Just a simple charm to explain a simple truth - Bella is my world.

Her smile is bright as she leans over the gear shift and kisses me once, twice and then holds the kiss for the third time, running her free hand up my chest and turning her head to deepen the kiss. I follow suit, placing my hand on her neck and holding her to me. I relish the sweet taste of her mouth as my hand tangles in the hair at the base of her neck and she moans softly. She breaks first, gasping for air and still smiling.

"I love you," she says, placing one more simple kiss on my lips.

I take the bracelet and place it on her wrist and then just sit there, staring at her. The girl I love and would do anything for. My first and only love and it scares the fucking shit out of me.

In the pit of my stomach, I feel a sense of infinite dread. I've been feeling it for weeks and I don't know what it is. It makes me wish I had a Ouija board or a psychic to see into the future and let me know when I should duck or run.

"Edward..." Bella calls, breaking me from my thoughts. "Is everything okay?" She rests her small hand over mine in a tender gesture and I smile at her.

"Let's get this over with."

"There you are, Caro! I thought I was going to have to call Forks' finest to go and find you," Esme says playfully as she sees us enter the kitchen. "Bella, dear, I hope he didn't give you too much trouble."

"None at all," Bella smiles. Kate takes the tray Bella was carrying and disappears and then Esme sends me off to find my dad and says she'll send Bella in a moment. I walk away with a grumble, but in reality, I love the relationship Bella has with my mom.

I walk into the den to see Rosalie propped up on the arm of a chair, looking into her wine glass as Emmett, Aro and my dad are all gathered around a bottle of some sort. I imagine it's a bottle of something Aro brought from wherever, that he acquired in some illegal way.

"Did she like it?" Rose asks as I give her a kiss on the cheek and I nod. "Good. Trust me, no matter how simple a girl may be, it's always important to her that you show her how much she means to you, in whatever way you can."

Rosalie ended up being helpful in me deciding to get Bella the charm. Of course, there was a lot of arguing before everything was all said and done, but in the end, I got her point. All this love and devotion shit is new to me and I have no fucking clue if I'm doing it correctly.

Rosalie said get Bella a gift; I argued Bella wasn't that kind of girl. She argued every girl likes to get something from the man she loves and what it is depends on the girl. Then she reminded me about how Bella was last Christmas over the charm bracelet. So I had Alice get it for me a couple weeks ago and I brought it to the jeweler who made it for me in the first place and when I spotted the charm of the globe in his case, I knew that was the one to get.

"I saw you pull up, but you were taking so damn long, I was starting to wonder what you and little Bella Bear were getting into." Emmett jokes as he comes over to where I'm standing with Rosalie. Part of me wants to punch him, but the other part wants to laugh.

"Ow, Rosie!" Emmett whines. I didn't even see her move, but the way he's rubbing a spot on his thigh, I think she might have pinched him and I start to laugh.

"There he is!" Aro greets me, extending his hand to shake mine and my skin is already starting to crawl. "Stasera e' in onore di tua sorella, ma tu sei sempre il mio preferito" he slurs. Letting me know that I'll always be his favorite.

"Where's Bella, son?" Carlisle asks, but before I can answer she breezes into the room like a ray of sunshine and I feel myself relax a little.

"I'm here. Esme was showing me something."

"You look wonderful tonight, piccolina," my father croons as he kisses Bella on her rapidly flaming cheeks. "This is Aro Volturi, a close friend of my family."

"Nice to meet you." Bella extends her hand to shake his and he takes it and kisses it, catching her off guard. She shoots me a sideways glance showing her surprise.

"The pleasure is all mine," he winks and she gives him a weak smile. Bella drops her hand and quickly moves to my side and I wrap an arm around her protectively.

"If I had known about her before, I would have come sooner. Che bella ragazza...di nome e di fatto" he sleazes.

Before anyone can say another word, Kate comes in to tell us it's time for dinner.

"Your parents aren't coming?" I ask Emmett as we walk down the hall and toward the formal dining room.

"Nope. They're back in Tennessee for my cousin's christening."

_Great_, I think to myself. Mr. McCarty's jovial nature is the perfect counterbalance to Aro's slippery one. It's not even that Aro has necessarily done anything _to_ me, but I know he's always up to no good. He always has a side business or unsavory venture he's working on and is always trying to get me to join him. For whatever reason, he's latched onto me and I wish he would let the fuck go. He doesn't have any ties to organized crime like one would suspect, in fact it's rare that he actually does work with a partner; he just can't be trusted and everyone knows it.

It's out of respect for my dad that I even bother and it's Carlisle's respect for his family that he honors the relationship. Luckily, Aro lives in Italy most of the time and we don't have to deal with him very often. But of course Emmett had to go and get engaged to my sister and now Aro is here. I suddenly feel another urge to punch Emmett.

"Why don't you come and sit here next to me, _Bella_." The way he says her name makes me feel sick and I feel Bella's hand pull on my arm as I involuntarily make a step forward toward him, putting myself between him and her.

"Actually, Aro, I've gone to a lot of effort to make these seating arrangements and I would rather not have them messed with," Esme chimes in.

My mom is always able to keep Aro's behavior in check. I think he is secretly afraid of her or thinks he needs her approval. He quietly takes his seat, as does everyone else and dinner gets underway.

Rosalie, of course, tells the story of Emmett's proposal and is eating up all the attention that she's getting. The women around the table are making sappy sounds and are wearing big smiles. I'm reminded of a sleepover Rose had where they watched _Titanic_.

All the married men seem to be almost as taken with the story, but as Carlisle explains, it's not the fanfare of the speech or the ring, but realizing that you've found your forever.

"It's all for naught, really. Wasting away with one single person for the rest of your existence. At least you'll make pretty babies," Aro interjects into the conversation.

"That's not for a while," Rosalie says through a clenched jaw.

"That's really the only reason to get married. To avoid having a bunch of little bastards running around. Otherwise, eternal bachelorhood is the way to go. Ho ragione vero?" Aro asks, gesturing toward me with his wine glass.

"I'm no longer a bachelor," I reply with a small smile toward Bella.

"Until she nails you down with vows, you're still a bachelor. Single until the wedding night I say. If she's still willing to bed you after she's got you committed for life, she might be a keeper."

"What the hell is your problem?" I bellow across the table.

"Enough!" Carlisle interjects.

"Mi dispiace." Aro apologizes and I roll my eyes at his fake sincerity.

"So Edward, I went by to see Mrs. Senna yesterday. She could not stop talking about you two and was very thankful for your visit." Esme interjects, changing the subject.

"She's alright?" Bella asks, concern lacing her tone.

"Oh, yes. I brought over some of the cookies we made when you were here the other day and we chatted over some tea. She's very lonely and welcomes visitors, but she said you were both very pleasant and nothing like the young man who delivers her groceries."

"It was all Bella really. I just sat there and listened." I explained, remembering how I really didn't do anything that day but sit there and feel anxious.

"Sometimes that's all people need, caro."

"Uhm, it was nice to meet the woman who moved into my childhood home."

"I imagine that could not have been easy for you, Bella," Carlisle interjects. He knows it wasn't; I called him in a panic, but he's too polite to let Bella know that.

"No." Bella doesn't leave it open for anymore discussion and everyone goes back to their various conversations.

I'm counting down the time until this shit is over. I can't handle anymore of Aro's sexist comments about Bella in the kitchen once he found out she helped with the gnocchi. Gnocchi that is fucking amazing by the way. And Emmett and Rosalie's puppy love eyes are making me want to hurl.

Dinner is finally winding down and Bella offers to help my mom out with taking plates to the kitchen while I force a smile and follow Aro and my dad to the den because Aro has something to show me.

He brings out a bag that is full of all kinds of products and then shows me something that looks like a stamp press with an emblem on it.

"This is where the money is at these days. Take something and put your name on it and sell it to the highest bidder."

"I'm sure that's illegal."

"Only if you get caught. I could use a good looking man like yourself to help sell the products. Ti va l'idea?"

"No, thank you. I have no interest in spending my life in prison."

"That's a shame. You could go far in sales."

"I have to get going. Bella and I have plans."

"Sure thing, son," Carlisle says with a laugh. I'm sure he can sense my over the top aggravation at this situation.

I finish my goodbyes and go to look for my girl, who is no doubt still in the kitchen with my mom.

"Of course I remember that night," I hear Esme stating over the rush of the kitchen faucet.

"Carlisle had been on call and was called out to deal with an emergency. I remember going into their rooms to check on Rosalie and Edward; it was a mother's instinct. Forks was supposed to be safe. The ideal place to raise kids and that had been compromised. Even though, at the time, I didn't know the full scope of the matter, I had a feeling it would be awful."

I can hear dishes being moved around in the background as Esme continues her story.

"They were both sound asleep. Rosalie, on her stomach. Her head resting on her hands so as not to muss her hair style from the photo shoot she had earlier that day. Edward was strewn across his bed. Still in his coveralls and X-Men t-shirt from spending the day at Jasper's. He's always been a wild sleeper."

"I realized this pretty quickly," Bella interjects softly and they both chuckle lightly.

"Anyway, when James brought him home, I told Edward to take a bath and get ready for bed, but he never made it and just passed out in bed. He was barely awake when he got home anyway and it was already late. James said they had been playing Jasper's new video game and he couldn't stop them so that was why he got Edward home late. I remember smiling because that was how they always were."

"It's still like that, but I think it's over car things, alcohol and movies more now."

"From video games, to girls, to alcohol," Esme laughs and then continues. "Shortly after I got Edward changed into pajamas, Carlisle said he needed me at the hospital and I had to leave the kids. I made sure Kate was up to watch them and left. You were so tiny and scared; I held you while they checked you over and got you cleaned up. Then you sat in my lap while we waited for the Brandons to be done with the police before they could take you home."

"Did I cry? I remember I was crying when they found me. I remember Dr. Cullen vaguely."

"By the time I got to you, you were done crying. You were in a trance-like state, except for the shaking."

"Maybe if I wasn't so afraid, I could have helped them catch him. He might not still be out there."

"Oh, sweetheart."

I can no longer stand here and listen as I can feel Bella's pain in the air, her despair and disappointment in herself.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, entering the kitchen, which is hot as hell by the way. I see Esme caressing Bella's back in a tender hug and it pulls at my heart a little.

"Just some girl talk, caro. Nothing to worry about. You kids get out of here and go have some fun. Aro has exhausted us all. I'm proud of you, kiddo," she says, kissing my cheek.

**~F&FS~**

"You're drunk."

"Nope. I'm loved and in love and happy!" Bella's voice is a sing song tone as she spins around the room, her body putting movement to the sound of the band.

Every day, I've started to see more and more of what Alice calls "the real Bella," and every day, I fall more and more in love with her.

She's remarkable! But even with her I can't find total peace tonight. The drive here was cloaked in a thick silence as I tried to work through my thoughts. We've been here for about an hour and she immediately started to enjoy the cover band - Sub Zero, named for the fact that they used to practice in an old meat packing warehouse that was always cold. Unfortunately, I can't seem to have as good a time as Bella.

"Edward, come dance with me!"

I want to, but I can't. So I just stay seated. Taking another swig of my drink, I watch her dance around some more. My brain is foggy; the only thing that makes sense is Bella, but I can't push through it. It's like the thick fog in my recurring night terror.

Eventually, she realizes I haven't moved and comes over to me. Her cheeks are flushed from dancing around and I'm sure from the wine at dinner and the two drinks she has had since we've been here; her eyes are dancing with mischief.

She lifts my hand from my lap and attempts to pull me up from the bench seat, but I weigh about one hundred pounds more than her. Resigned, she moves to the bench seat and starts to crawl toward me like a seductive cat. My dick twitches in my pants at her overtly sexual behavior, which is not even necessary as I already think she's the sexiest girl in the world.

"Are you going to continue to sulk? The dinner was fine. It's over and you were amazing!"

Yeah, we survived the dinner, but I've been feeling off all fucking week.

"Edward? Let me distract you, baby," Bella purrs as her hands start to pull my shirt from my pants and she moves closer.

"Don't, Bella," I protest, pulling her hands off my clothes.

I'm not right and I can't let this happen. I won't have sex with her like this. Not with her throwing herself at me and me being totally distracted. I love her and I can't have her thinking that sex is the way for her to clear my head. It's not a fucking task on her to-do list or a goddamn chore.

She completely ignores me and starts to pull at her own clothes. I'm well aware of what she has on, and it will only take a second to get it all off.

"Please stop taking your clothes off, Bella!" I request, pulling her hands from the bottom of her dress.

She looks at me in shock, her face registering rejection as she pulls back from me.

"What did I do? Are you mad at me?" She sniffles, wrapping her arms around her chest. She's staring at the floor, refusing to look at me. Why does she think I'm mad at her? I hate that it's her go-to thought.

"Bella," I start as I reach out to touch her, but she jerks away, making a horrifying sound. A sound that I can only call a small scream. Fuck! I move toward her; I'm fast and this time she doesn't have time to back away as I pull her to me.

"What's wrong? What did I do?" I can hear her words, mumbled into my chest. I need her to understand that it's not her, it's me. But I can't actually say that without sounding like the asshole boyfriend in some stupid as fuck, cheesy movie.

I think back to just moments ago. Bella laughing and spinning...being happy.

"Baby, I'm sorry."

"What did I do?"

"Fuck! You didn't do anything. You're perfect. So fucking perfect. I'm so sorry, Bella. I just...there is shit I'm trying to sort through and it's...Fuck!"

The band has stopped playing and it's just the house DJ now as I hold Bella to me and try to convey what I'm thinking and feeling since I can't find the words.

"You can't talk to me? Why do you think you have to keep things to yourself?"

"Bella, I love you. I wish I could explain it, but I can't. I should never have treated you that way. Please try and understand that it wasn't intentional. Please, baby."

"Can we go home?"

I shift and tuck her into my shoulder, she's still a little closed off, but she's allowing me to touch her now. We walk from the VIP section and through the stage lounge. As we're crossing the floor to exit, I spot Jasper coming in our direction.

He stops in front of us; naturally, Alice is right behind him.

"What's wrong with Bella? What did you do, Edward?" Jasper asks, his tone laced in accusation.

"It's between me and Bella."

"Bella?" Alice whispers, moving closer. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

Alice hugs her and Bella wraps an arm around her while still keeping contact with me by grabbing my hand. She says something to Alice, something I can't hear. Alice looks at me, her expression giving nothing away. Then she kisses Bella on the cheek and pulls Jasper away.

"Don't be a dick, E." he states as they leave. Whatever Bella told Alice, she seems to accept, but Jasper is still uneasy.

I'm not trying to hide what happened, but I need to make sure Bella is okay and work it out with her before I start getting other people involved.

I fucked up and it's my job to fix the giant, fucking mess.

**~F&FS~**

_Walking down the street I gaze up at the sky and notice it's that special time of night. The sun is just below the horizon preparing to surrender it's place to the moon - Twilight. There is a strange sense of peace in the air, a peace that almost lulls the senses into comfort. Off to the distance, I can hear a faint barking_. Must be a neighbor's dog. _The sun continues to set and the sky grows darker by the second._

_The barking gets closer with every step I take, but I can swear that it's coming from a position behind me somewhere. _

_Looking around me, I notice that even though I have been walking for quite some time, the scenery has not changed at all. The view to my left and my right are almost hazy. I'm lost in a cloud and I can't quite make out what's around me. I squint to see if narrowed focus will assist me in making my surroundings more clear._ No luck. _Resigned to reach my destination, I press on and keep walking. _

_More barking. Except this time it is accompanied by another sound. A sound much too faint to make out at this distance. As the barking, still behind me, gets closer, the other sound gets louder. _Screaming. Blood curdling shrieks. Someone is afraid. _My pace quickens_ _as I try to escape the noises behind me. My heartbeat picks up, sensing the urgency of the screams I so desperately want to get away from._

_As I move, some of the haze starts to lift. This is new, it's never happened before. Slowly, I can make out more and more of my surroundings._

_The quicker I move, the closer the barks and screams appear to be_. I must be going crazy. The sounds are behind me. I am quickly moving in the opposite direction. _I look up and I see a door in front of me. A green door. Instinctively, I go to my pockets to find the keys to the door as if I know I am supposed to enter. _I don't have any pockets._ I move my hand to my chest to try and calm down the strangled breaths that are escaping and I feel a hard piece of metal around my neck. I grab it and hold it out to my face - _a key_. The barks are so close now that I almost feel like they are right on top of me. The screaming is so loud that I can hardly hear my own thoughts. I lunge for the door, stabbing the lock with the key and try to push it open. _Locked. "Shit, it must have been open and I locked it_." I throw the key into the lock one more time and I hesitate._

_As the barks are surely right behind me at this point, I feel like I have become one with whatever animal it is. Like it knew my mind and I knew its thoughts, _Anger. Fear. Hatred. Anxiety_. Terrified, I turn the key and hastily push the door open. As the door swings open, I see blackness. No colors, no shapes, no light. Nothing but blackness. As soon as the sight registers, I instinctively turn around to see a large mass of blonde, almost white, fur rushing in my direction, gnashing it's teeth. I catch a glimpse into steely gray eyes and see the malice before me. I hunch down to try and move out of the way as it braces itself to leap in my direction, but it's no use. As the dog-like creature launches at me, it doesn't make complete contact with me, but it grazes my shoulder, cutting me with it's claws. I yell out in pain as the white mass moves into the darkness past the door. The white fur, turning into a dark and hooded figure, turns to look at me over it's shoulder and I'm alarmed to see a face I recognize._

_Stunned for just a moment, I realize the screaming has stopped. The barking is gone. But there is a searing pain in my shoulder. Without much thought I venture into the darkness and shut the door, locking it behind me. _

_My eyes adjust to the darkness and I realize I have walked into a door that leads to the same scene I just left. A hazy street in the darkness. I stare into the haze, not sure what to do or where to go. I watch the fog start to dissipate and that's when I see it. A home, Bella's childhood home. Except it's not like Mrs. Senna's. There is no garden out front, the sign on the door says Swan and there is a pink bike on the lawn._

"Edward! Edward! Wake up!" I open my eyes to see Bella sitting on my chest, leaning over me with deep concern etched into her features. Our eyes meet and she strokes my forehead, pushing my hair back and then touches my cheek. Her touch is so tender and loving. I lean into it, knowing that I may never get to feel it again. Not after she learns the truth.

"Better?" she asks, and I shut my eyes to try and lock in the image of love in her eyes. "What is it? You know you can tell me, right?"

"I can now. It's going to be difficult and I will understand if you will hate me forever."

"Nothing you can say would make me not love you or not trust you or hate you. Just don't tell me you'd don't love me anymore, because I can't bear it."

"I will always love you, _Isabella_. Always. Never forget that."

"Edward, you're scaring me. What is it?"

"I...I think I know who killed your parents?" It comes out as a question because I'm not entirely sure. I don't have concrete proof, but it all seems to make sense to me now. The dream, the feeling of unease, overhearing my mom describe the night of the Swan's murder. And now I feel more clarity than I have in weeks.

"What?"

I have to tell her. I have to tell her even if it means she can never love me again. Even it means I will lose her forever, because losing her and giving her any kind of closure on her lifelong mystery is worth more than anything to me. To give her that peace that she deserves.

"Please. Just hear me out," I plead and I can see the fear in her eyes. But she's still here, so I continue. "I overheard my mom telling you about the night that your parents were killed and I had that fucking nightmare again, just now. And I see, Bella. I see it now. It was James. It had to be. I can see his evil fucking face leering at me from the front seat right after he did it. I can hear your mom's scream. He did it and I was his alibi."

"Is this a joke? A prank? Are you high or something? What the hell are you talking about?" She's moved off my chest now and is practically standing on the other side of the room. Her posture is defensive and she's staring at me, her eyes pleading for an explanation.

"Don't you see? Right after your parents were killed, he left. No one had any trace of him and it's like he bolted out of town as soon as he could. He brought me home and it's definitely possible we could have passed your house from Jasper's that night. If you cut down Cedar and across Pine, it's a shortcut. Just like the one we took from the lake on Sunday."

"No. How? No!" She's shaking her head in denial, but the slump in her shoulders tells me it's starting to make more sense to her.

"And the biggest sign of all is how you're scared of him. Like you know, but can't figure it out. Just like me, I was confused all this time, but it makes sense now."

She sinks to the floor and a sob cracks the thick air surrounding us. I move to kneel in front of her and she pushes back, hugging her knees as her back hits my dresser.

"Talk to me, angel."

"I...can't be here. I have to go."

"Wait, Bella. Wait!" I call as she hops up and practically runs for the door. I reach her and grab her arm as she slides on some shoes she had by the door and she jerks it free.

"You have to know I love you."

"I...I... I'm not sure of anything anymore." She looks at me and her eyes are glassy; I can see her heart breaking right before my eyes.

"Baby-"

"Let me go!" she cries as she leaves and I don't have the heart to stop her.

I stand at the open door, willing her to come back but she doesn't. I'm not sure how long I wait, but I decide to go after her. I need to at least be sure she gets home okay, assuming she's going home. If something happened to her after she left in that state of mind, I could never forgive myself.

I get to Bella's just in time to see her launch herself into Jasper's arms as he opens the front door. He looks over her head and our eyes meet as I pull over, not even really parking, confusion registers on his face.

It was _his_ brother. I was leaving _his_ house. If he had been at my house like usual, he would have been the tormented witness to a terrible crime all these years, losing sleep over some fucking bullshit he can't even remember. It would be him fighting back the bile in his throat over the thing that both connected and tore him away from the love of his existence.

Those should be my arms comforting her.

I charge at my _best friend_, just as Alice ushers Bella inside and shuts the door. The sound of the lock on the inside is like a hollowed drum in my head.

"Bella!"

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**xo**

_Translations_

_**Stasera e' in onore di tua sorella, ma tu sei sempre il mio preferito **_= Tonight is about your sister, but you'll always be my favorite

_**Che bella ragazza...di nome e di fatto = **_ what a beautiful girl in name and in truth (in fact)

**Ho ragione vero? =** Ain't I right?

_**Ti va l'idea? =**_ Are you up for it?"


	46. Ch 45: Fragmented

cclore and PhoenixMP3 put up with my obsessive whining. It's a tough job that requires a special set of tools they happen to possess.

Disclaimer: SM owns the Twilight shit. Blah, blah, etc, etc.

* * *

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 45: Fragmented**

**Bella Swan POV**

**

* * *

**

I just lay here. I have no true concept of time, but I know at least eight days have passed me by, from the number of times Alice has tried to feed me. I think I welcome the pain I went through from...Mike forcing himself on me over what I'm going through now. Then again, I was almost totally numb then and now I feel everything. All of the walls I had built up were torn down, leaving me vulnerable. And it had felt amazing! Now it just leaves me raw and achy. The pain resonates through every muscle right down to my bone and searing my soul. I can't sleep to pass the time, not like it would be good sleep anyway. No matter how many pills I take, my body may shut down but my brain won't and I just think. Feeling is painful, thinking is dangerous and the two combined are lethal.

I wish...I wish I never...no, I can't even say that. Even now, after he stole my heart and then put it through a cheese grater, I still can't say I wish I never knew him and I hate myself because of it. It's wrong. I'm wrong!

I feel so betrayed, so stupid, so alone. I have nothing in this world now. _No one_. Alice is around, but I can barely stand to be around her. It's an awful thing to say, but I can't stand seeing her happy and I would hate to be the one to take it away from her. So I keep my distance.

There's nothing anyone can do for me now.

The police have come by or called every day. I guess Edward told them what he told me and they re-opened my parents' murder case, most of the officers working the case off-duty as it's so old and considered a cold case. I hate it. Why couldn't it have stayed closed? I was finally living and now I feel like I've died a thousand deaths. Fresh tears stream down my face at the overwhelming sense of guilt I feel for even thinking such a thing. My parents deserve justice, deserve to truly be laid to rest and I'm thinking how much easier my life would be if this new found information never came out.

Every day since, it's been a ridiculous update about nothing. Most of these men and women - deputies, detectives, patrolmen - they knew Charlie in some capacity and I know they all want to help. I know catching his killer would mean a lot to them. But all they have to go on is a vague memory of a scared little boy, repressed for over seventeen years.

_Oh, Edward_.

I gasp and shut my eyes to the onslaught of pain that comes every time I lose control and let myself think his name or remember his crooked smile, yearn for his soft yet aggressive touch. Miss his kisses and the way I fit into his side perfectly. The soft way he would run his fingers through my hair, the way we cooked together. Like my parents, these things are lost to me now. Gone forever, taken away by the cruel tides of fate. When we were kids, Alice asked Mrs. Brandon how Lucy, our babysitter, could have a boyfriend when her breath was so bad. Mrs. Brandon said that everyone is deserving of love. At the time, I said I wasn't. That love was never meant for me. I was only ten, but I was right.

My heart is broken and it hurts. It's the worst pain I've ever experienced. It hurts to breathe, every inhale feeling like something is ruptured and every exhale like it's hanging on a very fine thread about to snap. I once said that if anything else went wrong, it would be the nail in my coffin. But I was wrong, and this is a pain worse than dying.

There's a knock on my door and Alice enters. She's stopped waiting for me to tell her to come in at this point. I figure eventually she'll get tired of me and leave me alone. At least I hope so.

"Hey, Bella, hungry?" she asks, but I don't answer. If I could eat, I would surely throw it up. My stomach has been a wreck and I prefer the hollow feeling to the acidic burn.

"Are you going to work?" Again, I don't answer. I'm using vacation time, but it will run out eventually. I'm not sure what I'll do then. Quit maybe. Run away, join the circus. I could start my own freak show - the girl marked by a bad omen. It sounds fitting.

"Bella," Alice sighs heavily, walking to the side of the bed where she can see my face. She kneels down so we're level with one another and eyes me warily. "It doesn't have to be this way. If you'll just talk to him, hear him out..."

I roll over and stuff my head under my pillow. Hear _him_ out? I was happy and in love and I thought I was loved in return and it all came crashing down on me. Who will hear _me_ out? Who will give _me_ another chance? How am I supposed to start over? How am I supposed to even pick up where I left off? _I don't know! I don't know!_ I push the pillow harder around my head, stifling a gurgled cry. It cuts too deep.

I can still hear her talking, but it's muffled by the pillow. She brushes my leg in what I assume to be a reassuring gesture before I hear the door close as she leaves. I don't remove the pillow, but stay in the darkness, surrounded by my own warm breath and hot tears.

**~F&FS~**

_"Bella! Bella! Baby, please! I love you! I love you so fucking much! Bella!"_

I startle awake, jolted from my sleep that's haunted by the last words I heard Edward say. I'm dripping with sweat and I can feel my hair stuck to my skin. I've thrashed about so much that I'm tangled in blankets and I've knocked a bedside lamp on the floor. I look over at my door and see the shadows through the crack at the floor. I wonder if it's both Alice and Jasper or just Alice tonight.

It's been four weeks since he told me the truth of the night I lost my parents. I've gone back to work during the day and at night I lock my door. The first night I slept, I had such horrific nightmares, I thought I was going to die. They were so vivid and I actually felt like my heart was being carved out of my chest. Both Alice and Jasper were here that night and I awoke to them holding my limbs and trying to wake me up. I cursed at Jasper, blaming his family for screwing up my life and I saw the hurt in his eyes. I felt a tinge of guilt, but it didn't compare to the overwhelming sense of loss and despair.

After night four, I locked them out. At first they tried banging on my door; Jasper even broke it down once. He said my screams sounded like someone was killing me and he thought maybe James had broken in. I told him that I wish James did break in and finish me off; I'd welcome death as if it were an old friend. He left my room that night and I haven't seen him since. The designer lullaby and the story telling, that used to distract me in the past, no longer work. I'm not six years old and losing Edward requires a lobotomy, not a fairy tale. So I don't need them to look after me. I'll fight my demons on my own or let them destroy me.

Work is work. I'm good at my job, but I don't enjoy it anymore. I can't muster the energy to see beyond the task, to look at the art and creativity. It hurts that it's been ruined for me and lately I've been wondering if I should just give it up. Last week, I gave Angela my client in the Bay Area of California and even though she's afraid to fly, she agreed. In the mess of things called my life, I totally forgot about the trip Edward and I planned because he went to school there and I had a client there. She is a new mother and not ready to travel and be away from her baby, so months ago I agreed to go to her. There is no way I can make that trip now. It was going to be business first and while I worked, he was going to catch up with old friends and professors and we'd see each other at night. Then we were going to take a mini vacation and he would show me the sights. I'd get to meet his friends and he'd take me up to wine country; he kept telling me all the places he wanted to make love to me. He didn't use those words exactly, but I know what he meant or I did at the time. Now the meaning is irrelevant.

I think about running away, but I have nowhere to go. So I just stay in my room where I feel the safest. I keep the dark curtains drawn and my phone off and I lay there until it's time to get up and start the day all over again.

**~F&FS~**

"I'm going to get coffee. Do you want any?" Angela asks tentatively from across the office. I shake my head 'no' and she moves across the office to leave.

I stare at the highlighter in my hand, noting how there is a huge orange dot now bleeding into the page. It's getting darker and darker, the more it seeps into the weave. It reminds me of blood. Blood leaking out of my mother's chest and soaking her pretty nightgown, the one she let me wear to play princess with Alice earlier that summer.

"Bella?" Angela calls softly, I look up and she's standing right next to me. I didn't even notice she had come back in. "Are you alright? You...uhm...you made this strangled sound. Why don't you come with me and get some fresh air?"

I nod absentmindedly and get up to go with her, grabbing my trench coat from the hook in the corner on the way.

We walk and she talks - about Ben mostly. It's painful and I want to cover my ears, but I don't have the energy to do it. It's not until we turn the corner that it occurs to me where we're going. Where we are exactly. I stare at the unassuming brick structure before me. The glass windows and their familiar green awning. Of course it would be; I've been coming to this Starbucks for over a year. Well, until recently anyway. I stopped coming because everything about it reminds me of Edward.

_When he saw me here working and stopped to chat. The electric shock when our hands touched._

_The night I stopped here after work before heading home and he was stopping in after a run. Entering the Starbucks just as he pulled his shirt over his head, covering his naked torso._

_The day he asked me to come by Eclipse to see The Gingers._

"I...I don't know. She just freaked out!" I can hear Angela, but she sounds like she's far away.

_All the days, all the times we came here to get coffee together._

_Times he would sit with me while I worked just so we could be together._

_The night he cornered me against the wall on the way to his car and kissed me so feverishly I was panting and begging for more. His hands roaming over the buttons on my blouse, pushing them gently into my skin and making me squirm. Tangling his fingers in my hair as he pinned my body against the wall with his._

"Bella, drink this!" It's Alice; I recognize her nervous pitch anywhere. She shoves something in my mouth and then there is cold water pouring down my throat. I lick my lips as the flow stops. I didn't realize how thirsty I was.

_"Watching you work is fucking hot, baby..."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Mmhm. I don't know if I can wait. Do you feel this?" he asks, grabbing my wrist and pressing it against the erection in his jeans and I whimper into his mouth. "That's all you, Bella."_

"She was fine and then the next thing I know, she mumbles Edward's name and is kneeling on the floor, trying to catch her breath." I hear Angela explain to Alice as the memory of that night starts to go fuzzy around the edges until it's all gone. I can't hold onto it no matter how hard I try. If I don't have memories, it will be like he was never here. The thought sends my mind spiraling and I feel dizzy.

_Do I want it that way? Like he was never here?_

_Can I hold onto the memories and not have them kill me?_

_Will letting them go be enough to break free?_

_Can I let go?_

_Is this all a bad dream?_

_Will someone give me the right answers? Tell me what to do!_

"I'm taking her home. Thanks, Ang for calling me. Can you cover for her at work?" I don't hear the rest of the conversation, but I recognize Alice helping me get into her car and buckle me in.

It's a fight but I stay coherent enough to walk to my room, with Alice's assistance, and get into bed. I don't know how long I stay here, but it's the best I've felt in a while because I don't feel anything.

**~F&FS~**

I enter the kitchen in search of water and see Alice sitting at the island counter with her laptop and squinting at the screen. I don't say anything but continue on my mission. All the while I can feel her eyes on me. I don't know what she expects to see; nothing has changed. I stand by the fridge and drink my water; once I finish I pour some more. She's still watching me.

I turn to face her and she cocks an eyebrow in question. It's the first time I've looked at her in weeks. Actually looked because most days I just see through her. She's exhausted and her usually cheery disposition seems somewhat dull. My chest hurts knowing she's losing sleep over me. I wish she wouldn't bother.

"How are you?" I ask. The least I can do is throw out an olive branch.

"Not at my best these days. How are you feeling today?"

"As good as I can feel, which isn't saying much." She nods in understanding and a still silence falls between us. I get a sudden thought; I should let it go but before I can my mouth blurts it out.

"How is...how is _he_?"

"You could just ask him yourself."

"I can't."

"You mean you won't."

"Same thing," I reply in a snippy tone and leave the kitchen.

And so begins the dance around the pink elephant. Every day Alice and I meet in the kitchen and have a similar dialogue. Some days, she lets little hints drop. Like the day she told me his mail had piled up outside his door. I wondered if he had been out of town, but I wouldn't ask that. Then I would wonder why or who he was with and it was no longer my right to know.

She never gives very much and never a straight answer, but I find I am living for these little kitchen conversations. Living and dying, because any news of him is like blessed torture.

"How is he?" I ask one Saturday morning and Alice closes her laptop. Not a noticeable change, perhaps, except the look on her face tells me something _is_ different.

"Look, Bella. I love you, but I'm not doing this anymore. It's not fair. You either need to get over yourself and stop this wheel of torture we're all riding or you need to move on. You can't have both. It's not fair."

"Fair? Are you really going to try and tell me what's fair?"

"Yeah, I am! What do you want me to tell you? That he's awesome, nothing is different for him and he's already got a girl on his arm? Or would you rather hear that he's a broken man? That he's shut himself off from everyone and alcohol is his best friend? Which would be easier for _you_, Bella? Because none of this has been easy on any of us, but you're the only one who's trying to have her cake and eat it too!"

"I don't know!" I scream and then pause and pull on my hair, tugging at the roots to try and stop the rapid fire thoughts shooting around in my brain. "I was finally feeling alive! I wasn't dead inside. I thought...how can I love him? It feels like the ultimate betrayal to my parents and the knife stabbing me in the heart keeps cutting deeper and deeper. If I love him, long for him, think about him, I feel like I'm being stabbed over and over. When I think about him no longer being in my life because of this awful secret, the knife twists in my chest. My emotions are warring inside me because how can I love the person who knew, who was there? After all this time. How can I love him and still be true to Mom and Daddy? I can't. I just can't. He promised me no more secrets and here we are with the biggest one of all. None of this is easy. It's my parents who were killed, the love of my life who was a witness and it was me who's been in the dark all this time. I've spent most of my life empty!"

"And it was my boyfriend's brother who did it! I get how you're feeling, I do. But you aren't the only one suffering. Do you think that's easy on Jasper? He loves you too and it's killing him that he's linked to the trauma of your past. And it kills me to watch him battle all his emotions. I die inside every night I hear you cry in your sleep or jump when my phone rings, afraid you've hurt yourself because you're living like you're already dead. I'm terrified Edward is going to go on some kind of mad man killing spree looking for James and get himself killed."

"I didn't ask him to do that."

"You don't have to! God, Bella, I don't know what is going on in your head, but you need to sort it out. Edward would wrestle and slay a mountain lion for you, barehanded and weaponless, and the fact that you think otherwise makes me think you don't deserve him." Alice picks up her laptop and storms out of the kitchen, leaving me to sob miserably by myself.

Alice and I never meet in the kitchen again. I just avoid her all together.

I don't know how to sort it out. Everything is such a mess. Everything is broken. The common denominator is me. I can only think of one solution. I just need to get through one thing first.

**~F&FS~**

"Don't you want your umbrella?" Alice asks as we leave the house.

I look out at the sky as it opens up and more rain starts coming down and shake my head. "There are worse things than rain," I mumble.

It's August twentieth. Also known as the anniversary of my parents' murder. Alice and I are on our way to the cemetery where we will meet with Mr. and Mrs. Brandon and then go back to the Brandon's for brunch. I feel shame and sadness on top of everything else today. I haven't been to see them in weeks, weighted down with anger and fear at laying in bed with the one person who could possibly help solve their case.

I drive down the familiar, winding path. The windshield wipers and my heartbeat seem to be in sync with each other. I stop and park in the usual spot, we get out of the car and start on the well-known path toward their grave site. The closer we get, the more my heart beat picks up and I can feel my palms sweating. This is all so customary to me, so I don't know why I'm on the verge of panic, but I'm afraid I can't stop it.

We reach the peak of the path and I can see the familiar, gray marble now, but that's not all. Slightly to the left are Claire and Randolph Brandon and standing with them is Edward. I stop immediately and gape.

_Why is he here? What does he want? Why can't I breathe?_

He sees me and our eyes lock. My heart flutters before it drops like a brick into the ocean. He looks like a beautiful disaster. His skin seems to have taken on an ashen complexion, but that may also be because of the lack of sunlight. I can make out the scruff on his chin and darkened circles under his eyes. He looks thinner, too. I can't bear it and look away.

"Bella," he calls and it brings me back to where I am. I start to back away and I stumble on a stupid tree root. He pauses for a moment and then starts for me again. I see his lips start to move and I scream and run. Fear and confusion propelling me forward.

I hear him calling me. I hear Alice; I hear my second parents and I still run. I have to get away. Edward is fast and I have on heels so it will only be a matter of seconds before he reaches me. Luckily, we had not made it down the path completely and I have running down hill on my side. I reach my car and jump in, starting it and driving off before I have even closed the door completely. I drive until I get home and I lock myself in my room again.

Hysteria finally subsides and I find myself on my closet floor, surrounded by his things. I never got rid of them and I must have pulled them off the hangers when I came home. His scent is lingering faintly and I feel my stomach lurch in protest. I jump up and run to my bathroom, making it in time to throw up the lack of food I've consumed. After splashing water on my face, I take a look at myself in my mirror. I don't even recognize my reflection. I hate this person! I throw the soap dish at the mirror in anger and chills wash over me as the shards crash to the floor.

A piercing scream from the depths of my soul bursts forth and I try to exorcise the pain. I sink down to the floor and rest my head against the wall. There's warmth on my leg and I may have cut myself on the broken glass, but I can't move. I'll just stay here for a while.

My mind is spinning with trying to understand why he was there. What's worse is that I am trying to understand why I wanted him to catch me.

* * *

A/N

It's been a while since I gave a fic rec and I'm long overdue. Probably because I haven't started anything new since it was hot outside. Today I'm rec'ing _**All the Wild Horses**_ by **elusivetwilight**, but not because I pre-read for her. AtWH is killing me softly and it's amazing! I giggle and 'awww' and I wear a huge fucking grin, even though my heart hurts with the sadness the story resonates. I can't even describe it to you adequately, but Edward is a horse riding cowboy so that's what you need to know. Go! And tell elusive I said hi. (link in my favorites).

I'm participating in two charities at the moment:

1) **Fandom Against Domestic Violence** (link in my profile). This is a special cause to me and I've already submitted my piece. It's an F&FS outtake. By **donating $10** you can get an advance read as well as read original pieces, outtakes, one-shots from a large number of contributing authors. Yes, I will post the outtake eventually, but it would mean a great deal if you donate anyway.

2) **Fandoms Against the Floods** (link in my profile). This is an effort across a few fandoms for Australia and the tragic flodding going on over there. I love my Aussies and I hope to visit one day, but in order to do that the continent can't disappear under water. And the poor animals! I saw a really sad picture of a stranded Koala :-(. **Donations of $5** could save that poor Koala. For this, I haven't actually decided what I'm writing, but I'm taking suggestions via the form linked in my profile.

**Thanks for reading!**

***mwah***


	47. Ch 46: If It's The Last Thing

Huge thanks to cclore and PhoenixMP3 who didn't shoot me when I implemented some changes last week. And for fast turn around. And for keeping me grounded. *mwah*

Disclaimer: SM owns the Twilight shit. Blah, blah, etc., etc.

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 46: If It's The Last Thing...**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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I skid to a halt as Alice flings herself in front of me, yelling at me to stop.

"Edward, stop! Stop! She's not ready! Stop!"

A deep growl erupts from my chest as I fight against the urge to keep running after her, to make her fucking listen to reason. To show her that this...fucked up situation doesn't change a goddamn thing!

_I fucking love her._

"Then when? This shit is fucking killing me!"

"I know but-" she starts and I cut her off.

"You know? Do you?" I ask, my voice eerily calm and dripping with sarcasm. "Has Jasper just cut you out of his life? Do you spend every waking second afraid some psycho fucker from his past is going to kill him or something worse? Have you realized that your biggest fear is that he stops loving you? No? Right, I didn't fucking think so. So don't tell me you know because you sure as shit don't!"

Alice stands there, her hands on her hips and waits for me to finish. "Are you done with your over-dramatic tirade? Feel better?"

I glare at her; does she want me to really answer those bullshit questions? Probably not. No, I don't feel better. It's the first time I've ever openly expressed some of my thoughts regarding the clusterfuck shitshow going on and hearing them acknowledged is only serving to make the festering wound left in Bella's absence throb more.

"What the hell are you thinking, coming here to ambush her? Are you stupid?" She hits me with her small fists and I just stand rigidly, waiting for her to stop. "Here of all places, Edward?"

"Right," I say, scratching my head, "next time I'll show up when she's bringing cookies to Mrs. Senna or putting gas in her car. Ya know, places where it would be obvious that I'm keeping an eye on her. Because that's not fucking weird as shit, the man you ditched following you."

"You're an asshole." I shrug and move past her to go. "She'll come around," Alice shouts to my back. I choose not to respond because the way things are going, for the first time, I'm betting against Alice.

I pick up my pace when I get to the other side of the path, running quickly to my car and letting the rain pelt against me. When I arrived, I parked at a distance, hiding my car so she wouldn't see that I was here and I am trying to get to it quickly so she won't get too far. So I can make sure she won't go unprotected for longer than a few minutes. And even that is too fucking long.

She was so close. I could almost smell her; I wanted to reach out and touch her soft skin. I could definitely feel her - the draw to her is unmistakable. And for a second I thought I saw a softness in her eyes when she looked at me, but when she screamed, I figured I had to be wrong. It shot straight through me and rooted me to the ground where I stood. For a split second, I wasn't sure what to do, but my selfish nature took over and I went for her. I would have caught her too, if Alice hadn't used her body like a goddamn fluffy battering ram.

I pull onto Bella's street and stop at a house just out of eyesight from her front door and look ahead just as I see her push open the door and practically throw herself inside. I park far enough away that she can't see my car and take off on foot. I check the door to make sure she locked it and find myself thinking, "good girl" when the handle doesn't move. I circle the house, checking for anything abnormal, any strange sounds inside. I'm not trained to do this shit in any way, but it's funny what kind of habits and abilities you develop when your heart's involved. Bella's protection is, and always will be, my _first _priority.

I watch as Alice comes home, followed by her parents. They all look so sad and I recognize the worry on the Brandon's faces from the time Bella was hospitalized. I'm hoping their love can break through the fucking block of cement she's wrapped herself in; obviously mine isn't enough. I'm broken out of my thoughts by the sound of my steering wheel shaking under my grip. I should be used to the sound now, the leather of the steering wheel now cracked from my regular abuse. The sheer force it takes for me to tear myself away from her leaves all my muscles tight and aching along with my heart.

But I can't stay, not around the clock like I want to. I have shit to do, killers to find and while Bella is safe with her family is the time to do it. Alice will text me when she's leaving or going to sleep or going to Jasper's. Well, she never actually says she's going to Jasper's, but I know that's where she goes. I recognize that Alice is being pulled in a shitton of directions in this mess. I also recognize that I can't totally feel bad for her, not while my soul is split in two. Alice doesn't completely agree with me playing watchman, says that Bella will come around when she's ready but she accepts that I'm not going to stop.

I don't watch her to try and force her hand; I watch her to keep her safe.

Reluctantly, I start my Audi and drive away.

After some fruitless driving for about an hour, checking around Forks to see if I find any sight of James, I get to Tyler's. I just stroll in since his door is almost always unlocked, people just tend to come and go. I find him in the living room, no doubt preparing for another one of his parties, spraying some awful smelling shit onto the carpet. Knowing Ty, it's probably some kind of dirt repellent. I never understood how he could hang out with some of the people he associates with and keep a handle on his extreme OCD; He must take a fuckton of lithium to try and control it.

Tyler is the guy that just knows shit; he always has. He knew who stole the turtle from Mr. Benito's third grade class and has graduated to knowing shit like where the street races in Port Angeles will be held or how to track down the best drugs. The police are coming up fucking empty in finding James and I know my best shot is to seek out any information Tyler can give me; only underground channels will catch that slippery motherfucker.

"I was expecting to see you sooner," Tyler states as he leans down to inspect a particular spot on the carpet, pulling a magnifying glass out of his pocket.

"I had shit to do." He doesn't reply but takes a detailing brush, usually used for cars, and swipes it against the carpet. He's a fucking nut and I clear my throat to get his attention.

"Look," he says with a huff, "I think you should let sleeping dogs...whatever, don't go look for trouble, is what I mean."

"I'm not. I just want some information."

"That will lead you straight to trouble."

"I'm not asking for your fucking blessing." I say through clenched teeth. He can help me or not; I could care less. Either way, the problem has to be solved.

Tyler picks up his pipe off the table and lights up, no doubt trying to steady his rapid firing obsessive-compulsive brain. He offers it to me, but I decline. I need to keep my head clear and I don't want the false happy feeling that weed provides, not in place of the natural high I get from Bella. He keeps stalling and I'm getting fucking pissed.

"I can see you're not in the bullshit mood today," he starts, resigned to the fact that I'll stand here all fucking day until he talks. "James has been seen around everywhere, never really staying in one place for too long. But he bounces between here and Port Angeles. I guess he has a few girls he shacks up with around here and there, too."

I nod, taking it all in. Tyler goes on to tell me about the girls and then about a couple of chop shops James has been known to hang around. This makes me think of Mrs. Senna and how her husband died, wondering if James had anything to do with that as well; something tells me he did. Of course Tyler can't say how he knows what he knows, but I've known him long enough to just go with it.

I scrub my hands over my face in frustration. I'm just not sure how I can keep my eyes at Bella's and the rest of me all over the damn place to find him. It makes me painfully aware of how I've basically cut out J and Em from my life. It's been the three of us for so long and now it's just me. Rosalie gave me shit for what she called "lone wolf syndrome," and I hung up on her. That was four weeks ago and I haven't spoken to her since.

"Thanks," I mumble as I turn to leave.

"And what do you plan on doing when you find him? At least get a gun or something! I know a guy!"

I don't answer as I walk out the door. In truth, I have no fucking clue what I'll do, so I guess I'll just wing the shit. As for the gun, I'll pass. James won't suffer long enough that way. Not that I'm a fan of guns anyway; I always left that to the southerners in the trio - Jasper and Emmett. When we would go hunting with Em's dad and uncle, they loved it and they both spent time at the shooting range. I'd go occasionally, but I never made it a favorite past time. I prefer fucking.

It's still early, but I might as well get started. Alice hasn't sent me a text to let me know Bella is home alone, so I figure now is as good a time as any to try and track this asshole. The drive to Port Angeles reminds me of a time in high school where Jasper, Emmett and I went to Port Angeles to confront this idiot who had been harassing Alice. I laugh thinking how Jasper was so sure he didn't love Alice for all those fucking years, but it was his idea to go and make sure this kid left Alice alone. My smile fades quickly when reality sinks in, and I remember Jasper and I aren't on speaking terms.

"_What the hell is your problem, bro?" Jasper yells when I slam into him and knock him into the side of the girls' house._

"_I'm not your fucking bro, bro!" I yell back, my voice dripping with angry sarcasm. I shove him again and this time he shoves me back._

"_You need to stop."_

"_Fuck you!" I go to punch him and he ducks, tossing his shoulder into my stomach and making me grunt from the force._

"_Use your damn words, man. Why are you acting like a lunatic? And what did you do to Bella?"_

"_I didn't do a goddamn thing. It should have been you! I was innocent and I may lose her over this." Our arms are locked around each other and he breaks free, pushing me back. We stare at each other, both of us panting. He's expecting me to say more and I'm struggling to find the words; I'm just seeing red and I want to beat the shit out of him. For his brother and what he did, for Bella running to him, for the fucking ache radiating through me._

"_James, your fucking brother, he killed them! He murdered the Swans in cold blood. All this time, the killer was him and I was there! I was fucking there because I came to your house that day, instead of you coming to mine like you always did. I bet it was some kind of sick conspiracy. You wanted to ruin my life, didn't you?" By this point, I'm right in his face and barely holding back the urge to knock him out._

"_You're not making any sense."_

_That does it. I punch him and he stumbles back. I punch him again and he swings back at me, striking me in the face._

"_You fucking want her! I know you do. I bet that's why James is back - to help you steal her away from me!"_

"_What the fuck is your problem? I love Tink and I would never do that to you!"_

"_How the fuck can I trust you? That kind of murderous rage and deceit runs in your goddamn family."_

"_Fuck you!" He shouts, shoving me again and I shove him back. "You need to leave."_

_I punch him one more time and he falls to the ground. I lean over him so I can look him right in the eyes, "Don't worry, you won't see me again." I wipe the stream of blood flowing from somewhere on my head and walk away, getting into my car and shutting the door on our friendship._

After that I went out. Old instincts sprang up and I found myself at _Eclipse_.

I remember I raked my fingers over my face, wishing to fuck's sake I had been drunk, but I wasn't. The maddening pain and fury was in control and that was worse than any substance I could ingest.

I was at Eclipse; I was raw and torn wide the fuck open. I wanted it to go away; I needed it to stop. So when the brunette that been eyeing me all night came over and started running her fingers through my hair and leaning into my face, I couldn't stop myself from pulling her onto the dance floor.

I knew she wasn't the brunette that I wanted running fingers through my hair. But I was trying to cope and this is what I did. Nights past when nightmares plagued me, I would call one of the girls I'd fucked into delirium and have her come over and distract me. I would seek out a new prospect and start from scratch; it didn't really matter. I always told them I wasn't interested in anything but sex - full disclosure and all that. I would make sure they got home okay, but that was about it.

It felt good to dance with her - the not-Bella-brunette. Her scent was wrong - more peach and less soft flowers and strawberries - and I tried to ignore it. I closed my eyes and blocked out the things about her that were wrong and focused on the warmth of her skin and the feel of her body against mine. I let my mind drift and think about my girl - my Bella. The shine of her hair, the brightness of her smile, the firmness of her ass, the tenderness in her touch, the taut pull of her pink nipples, her head thrown back in ecstasy as I make her come, over and over. The dancing grew more aggressive; there was sweat on my forehead, I knew my dick was hard and not-Bella-Brunette was reacting to it.

Then she turned around and it wasn't my Bella. As she tilted her head up towards me in expectation, I came back to reality and pushed myself away from her. I took in the confusion on her face for one second before I bolted.

I almost went too far.

I went back to Bella's; it was almost daybreak and I banged on the door for her to let me in. But Alice came instead of Bella, telling me to go home. She said that Bella needed time and I knew she was right. Because I love Bella, I left, but I remained close by.

**~F&FS~**

I'm heading back to Forks after managing to scope out two of the places James might be in Port Angeles. I really want a damn shower now. If he fucks those girls, I'm sure an STD will be killing his ass soon. Even at my lowest point of discretion I wouldn't stick my dick in girls that gross or anything else for that matter. Then again, I'm giving James too much credit and he doesn't deserve it.

The first apartment, if you can call it that, was a run down building on the western side, close to where you come into Port Angeles if you're driving from Forks. I saw the girl, Libby, almost as soon as I pulled up close enough to the building. Tyler said she was a blonde girl with a lion tattooed on her neck - a tattoo you can't miss and he was right. It was large and seemed to disappear into the shirt she was wearing. I watched her get into an old beat up Rabbit and I followed her as she drove off. I was hoping she could lead me to James, but I only ended up at a grocery store and wasted fucking time waiting on her to come out.

Back at her place, she brought in the groceries and after some time, I crept up to the building and looked in through one of the ground level windows. There was nothing to see but dirty plates and beer bottles - most of them stacked in front of a TV too large for the apartment. She came into the living room and I watched as she sat down, turned on the TV to porn and once she pulled her pants down, I was done. I had no interest in watching the dirty skank get herself off.

I made it to the second chick's house and it didn't look like anyone was home as all of the lights were off. This neighborhood wasn't any better, but there were more trees around and this made it easier to be on foot and not be seen. I waited around again, not my fucking idea of a good time but I was on a mission. Thirty minutes later, a red late 90's early millennium Honda Accord pulled up and a woman with jet black hair, a nose ring and jeans so tight she had skin spilling over, emerged with a little blonde haired boy in tow. She was yelling at him about something I couldn't make out as she walked ahead of him, not paying any attention to whether or not the kid was actually following her.

"Hurry up, Jimmy!" she shouted loudly as she stood there and impatiently held the door open while his little legs climbed the front stairs. Hearing her call him Jimmy and looking at him, I could tell he was James' boy and I felt bad for him having that monster as a parent. The door slammed behind them with a clang and there was silence for a little while.

Just like with the last girl, I got closer to see if I could see anything helpful. And just like with the last girl, the house was a fucking mess. It smelled like something was rotting from the inside and infecting the air around it. There was trash all around the perimeter and the thick layer of dust coating the windows made it a little difficult to see clearly. I watched the woman throw a plate down in front of the kid and bark at him to eat and "hurry the fuck up, I'm expecting people". A light of excitement and nervousness flooded me as I hoped James would be one of those people. I had yet to figure out what I was going to do when I found James, but that didn't seem to bother me so much for whatever reason.

Twenty minutes later the doorbell rang and the woman emerged from a room I couldn't see from the window I was stationed at, dressed in who-the-fuck-knows-what. Some kind of short, fake leather, red thing. She looked like trash on heels and my stomach rolled in disgust at her lack of class; _nothing_ like my Bella or any of the important women in my life. I hear footsteps, taking me away from my thoughts of Bella in the last dress I saw her in, and I held my breath, hoping to see James as they return back to my line of sight; but it was some black guy with a shaved head. He pulled her to him and palmed her ass, making her press into him more. They started kissing and groping all over each other; every sound from her mouth was fake and forced and it was so fucking obvious. The guy didn't care though as he continued by trying to roll the zipper in her Rubbermaid outfit. I moved to the side, taking my eyes away from the sight but not able to drown out the sounds. It was worse than the bad porn I used to watch with Em and J through the fuzzy lines on the blocked cable channel.

And that's how it went for the better part of three hours. The girl was a fucking hooker and she was turning tricks. Not once did James show up, but I watched six other men come and go and she didn't wash up one fucking time in between. It made me wonder how she had only ended up with one kid and made me worry for the kid because I know he had to hear that shit his mother was doing. I left shortly after guy number six when Jimmy was being yelled at again to get ready for bed.

I hit traffic coming back from PA and It's late when I arrive back at Bella's but in enough time to see the light in her bedroom go out. I can see her - well not literally. But I know she's pulling her hair into a ponytail with the tie thing on her wrist and she'll stretch. Then she'll check her phone on the nightstand, making sure her alarm isn't set for PM instead of AM - it happened once and she became crazy about checking from then on. After that, she'll slip her slippers off, pull back the blankets and crawl in. I sigh to myself because the next part won't happen. If I was in there with her, I would pull her to me and she would wrap one leg around mine and rest her head against my chest. She would talk a little bit - the topic always varied, and I would take the hair tie from her hair as she starts to drift off. Then, just before she's fully asleep, she'd roll over with her back to me, pushing her body flush to mine and wrap my arm around her, taking my hand and kissing our joined fingers before passing out. She once told me I was all the protection she needed.

So I sit here and watch her - watch out for her. I'm not going to force her into anything. Fuck knows she's had things thrown at her, forced on her, taken from her all her life. I'll be damned if I'm going to fucking do that shit to her.

I have no fucking clue what's going on in that pretty head of hers. I know she's in agony; even at a distance I can feel it. I know she feels trapped and I know she's grieving. I wish I could rush in there and hold her and kiss her, tell her I love her, _show_ her I love her and it would all be better. But this isn't a fucking fairy tale and I'm no Prince Charming. Prince Charming would let some fairies or dwarfs or royal guards slay the evil; I have every intention of taking James on myself.

If it's the last thing I do.

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**Thanks for reading.**

**xo**


	48. Ch 47: Rift in Routine

thank you cclore & PhoenixMP3 for crossing my "t's" and dotting my "i's".

Disclaimer: SM owns the Twilight shit. Blah, blah, etc., etc.

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 47: Rift in Routine**

**Bella Swan POV**

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"Thank you, Detective," I mumble, closing the door behind him. Detective Huilen came by, as he does every week, to give me an update on my parents' case. He's a nice guy, younger than most of the police officers working this case. I know he's attracted to me or at least pities me, because he's asked me out for coffee or dinner every time he's come by. And every time I turn him down. Yes, he's attractive, but he's not Edward. No one will ever be and my heart remains still in my chest, never to beat for another man.

I don't know why he even bothers to stop by anymore; they aren't making any progress in finding James and to be honest, I never really expected them to. I have a sinking feeling that he won't be found unless he wants to be. Today Detective Huilen told me about an anonymous tip they got about a house James has been known to frequent. Instead of finding James they found a little boy, who is now in custody with child services. I think he said the mother was a prostitute or something about drugs, but I had already zoned out of the conversation. It's been more of a problem lately - staying focused. Admittedly, it's better news than I got last week about Mike dying from an overdose in a drug rehab facility - allegedly the finest in the state. For some reason, I was disturbed by his death. Maybe because I should have recognized he had a problem before or maybe because he got an easy out; I haven't really figured out which one.

It's pouring rain today and I wrap my sweater around me tighter as if to keep the wet chill away, even though I'm inside. It's always raining in Forks - everything from mist to bucket dumps. I've always been surrounded by it and it never really held any great deal of significance until now. Hearing the rain pelt against the windows, the soft tap of the rain draining from the gutters, and seeing everything through a reflective smudge make me think of Edward. God, how many times had we been caught in the rain? Too many to give an exact number, but they were always good times. I used to love the smell of Edward mixed with rain or pressing against him in a vain attempt to stay dry.

I carry myself to my room to finish getting dressed for class; Alice isn't here to make me go, but I promised her I would while she was in Portland meeting with someone who might offer some financial sponsorship for her business. Taking my pajama pants off, I see the healing scars on my thighs from where the shattered glass pierced my skin. I shudder at the sight, just like I do every day, and move as quickly as I can to get my leggings on to cover them up.

Alice's pain was very real to me that day. I remember her and Claire cleaning me up and putting me in bed, Alice holding me, softly crying and begging me to get better. The next thing I remember is Dr. Marcus sitting in my room as I came to. I first started seeing Dr. Marcus shortly after the accident with the pavement that landed me in the hospital. I didn't like the idea and was totally closed off to anything she had to say at first. It wasn't until after...after Edward's truth that I unintentionally opened up to her. I cried in her office for nearly the entire fifty minutes, blabbering and not making any sense - wishing for my parents, wanting James dead, missing Edward...so much. I was unsure of how I could move on or go back to my life before it all started unraveling again. As my session came to a close and I tried to compose myself Dr. Marcus revealed to me that her brother was murdered when they were kids. He was heading home from school with friends and they diverted from the normal path. In the wrong place at the wrong time, her brother was gunned down but his two friends made it out safely. She hated those boys for many, many years and over time she realized it wasn't their fault and hating them wasn't bringing her brother back or allowing her to live. She came to sit next to me, handed me a handkerchief, patted my knee and said, "I know what you're feeling and I understand the guilt you carry and we'll get you through this." The sincerity and conviction in her voice made me want to believe her that day and maybe one day I will get there.

There was a look of heightened concern on her face and she proceeded with caution as we talked. In the end I decided I would increase my appointments with her and she would determine if I needed any medication other than the anti-anxiety pills I'm already taking. I didn't want to go to a clinic; I know I wouldn't feel safe there and I wouldn't be able to focus on getting better. The truth is, I want to get better. I just don't know how.

If I'm being completely honest with myself, something I'm working hard on, I actually like the self-defense class. In the few months Alice and I have been going to the class, I've felt my body grow stronger. I like the normalcy of attending every Saturday, but this is the first time I'll be going without Alice and that makes me anxious. It doesn't feel very normal as I step into the familiar room at the community center without her. I can feel my hands shaking and I ball them into fists as I take in my surroundings, noting that it's the usual class attendees.

"Bella!" The familiar voice of Dora Athens, class instructor, calls from across the room. "I'm glad you could make it. Alice told me last week she wasn't going to be in town this weekend and I wasn't sure if you would be coming to class."

"Oh, uhm, sorry about that. Alice is away on business, so it's just me," I reply, trying to muster up a smile through my nerves.

"I'm glad for it. Okay, everyone!" Dora calls to the class, "Let's begin!"

Dora moves to the front of the class in her standard bright pink leotard and flared navy leggings. I remember the first day of class how Alice and I giggled over her outfit. Not in a mean way or anything, but I honestly didn't think they even made leotards anymore. A girl named Carmen that usually stands by Alice and me takes Alice's spot and waves at me emphatically. I frown at her for standing in Alice's spot and Carmen turns away with a scowl.

I find that I'm especially aggressive today as I attack my dummy. Naturally, I named him James Michael Douche, in recognition of two of the worst spawn to ever walk the earth. Alice even bought me a blonde wig to put on it. I remember one of our first classes when we learned about groin damage. It was Dora who showed me a knee is more effective and harder to block than a foot. I really enjoyed that class.

I take out my anger and frustration on the dummy, focusing on kicking its butt and keeping Dora's instructions as a soundtrack so I know what we're working on next. I smile when she tells the class to take a stance with both feet planted on the floor, knee-width apart. It's time to kick - my favorite!

I can feel the burn in my muscles as I continue to assault my dummy with my legs, adjusting the height of my kick for various points of effectiveness.

_Ankle_...James crying out as it snaps.

_Shin_...Mike hopping around like the buffoon he is, trying to soothe the pain.

_Knee_...James falling forward and hitting the ground as I thwart his move to grab me.

_Hip_...Mike hitting the ground after being knocked off balance; he never sees me coming!

_Armpit_... James lets out a horrid and beautiful shout of pain as the tender spot is attacked by my Chuck's clad foot.

I try the neck kick, but the dummy is too tall and I stumble. I never get the damn neck kick!

"It's okay, Bella. The neck kick is harder to achieve because most attackers are larger in stature than their targets. You're doing such a great job as always!" Dora smiles as she moves on to observe other participants.

I leave class exhausted, enjoying the sting in my muscles, but I can't ignore the nagging disappointment in my gut over not being able to land that kick. I know Dora has said I have one of the most impressive high kicks she's ever seen, but if I can't make it the highest, then what is that worth?

There's a tap on my car window and I jump, nearly hitting my head on the ceiling.

"Oh my god! Are you crazy?" I ask Carmen when it registers who has just scared me out of my skin.

"Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Are you?"

"I'm fine. Just, uh, tired, ya know? From class?"

"I know what you mean," Carmen nods. "Dora really does know how to make you work! Isn't it great?"

I just nod. I do enjoy it, but she's a little too excited and I'm wary of her friendliness.

"Well, I'll let you go. See you next week, B!" she calls over her shoulder as she heads for her car. Carmen calling me "B" makes me think of Emmett and I wish I could call him, but I'm not ready. I'm still trying to overcome deeper issues, and I can't surround myself with his particular brand of happy-go-lucky as a band-aid or anyone I miss for that matter.

I really just want to go home, but I need to get over to the diner. _"Normalcy, normalcy, normalcy,"_ I chant to myself. Dr. Marcus and I have spent a lot of time discussing how I need to live normally instead of like my life has been irrevocably ruined - which it has if you ask me. So I think Dr. Marcus has a sense of humor. But I want to get better, right? So I know I'll only get as much out of therapy as I put in.

Normalcy includes going to the diner after self defense like I do all the time, even if Alice isn't here.

I pull in to the almost full lot and take a few breaths to steady myself. I finally feel calm enough to go inside. Going to the crowded diner with Charlie when I was a kid was never a problem, but I would be lying if I said being alone in a small room full of grown men isn't a little nerve-racking. Or a lot, maybe.

I reach the door to the diner and something out of the corner of my eye catches my attention. Driving by is a dark blue pickup truck, just like the one I've seen James drive. I turn away from the diner, hop in my car and follow the stupid blue truck. I don't know why, I just do.

The truck doesn't move exceptionally fast or slow - it's just driving and I don't think he knows I'm following him. I laugh and it sounds bitter in the confined space of my car and I try to get closer.

I can feel adrenaline coursing through me. Whether it's from fear or excitement, I can't be sure. My chest is heaving and my grip is tight on the wheel. Dr Marcus would say my flight or fight response is kicking in. It's a battle that I won't win either way.

I follow him some more until he stops at the local tool store. I'm holding my breath as I wait for him to get out.

_What will I do?_

_Confront him?_

_Call the police?_

_Call..._

My eyes are glued to that driver's side door and I refuse to blink in case he's like a super villain whom will be shrouded in smoke to disappear. I have one hand poised on my door handle and the other gripping my phone, my decision about what to do still unmade.

The door opens and I take a deep breath, my heart being sucked up like soda through a straw and it gets lodged in my throat. I watch as a dark haired woman steps out and locks the truck behind her. All the air leaves my lungs in one giant exhale as I mentally wrestle the double teaming of disappointment and relief.

"What are you doing, Bella?" I ask aloud as I throw my head back against the headrest.

**~F&FS~**

I drop my bag on the floor by my door and kick off my shoes. I make quick work of changing into a pair of shorts and a tank to get comfortable. I left work early today because I'm feeling very anxious and jittery. I sit down on my bed and pick up my journal, a tool Dr Marcus implemented to try and get it out in words before I see her this afternoon.

_August 27th, 2010_

_I feel like I'm officially crossing that line into Crazytown. I feel trapped and I think my body or maybe my soul is trying to break free. Ugh! I'm so jumpy - I can hardly keep still. The slightest movements around me make me uneasy. I want to crawl out of my skin, slink away into a dark hole where nothing can affect me. Yesterday, I went to the market on the corner to get a few apples and a bottle of water. I kept looking around me out of habit and then a man slid out from an aisle to ask a store attendant a question and I screamed like an idiot, dropping my basket on the floor. I ran out of the store, leaving the apples and water behind. I was so startled, I practically ran all the way back to my office and once inside, I hid under my desk until I could bring my breathing down. Why is this happening to me? I think if this keeps up I will have to be locked up in a room with padded walls. I'm going insane! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL! _

Two tear drops fall onto the page and I reach over to my night table to grab a tissue.

"Howdy, Bella." My heart jumps into my throat as my stomach plummets to my toes, and I can feel the hair on my skin bristle at the sound of his voice. "What? No sugar for an old friend?"

I jump up from my bed, knocking my journal on the floor. I take him in and I feel sick to my stomach at his menacing stare. James.

"Where I come from, a little lady knows how to greet a man properly."

"Did you kill their parents, too?" I question, finally managing to find my voice but it's not as strong as I hope. James just continues his menacing smile and stares me down.

"A-Alice will be home soon and Jasper will be with her."

"You're lying. I know exactly where they are right now. I know where everyone is. Do you think I'm dumb as a post? That I'd allow people to fuck up my plans? I know your little boyfriend has been looking for me and my brother, too. Meddlin' goobers, they wouldn't know what to do once they found me. And let Alice come home - two for the price of one."

My mind roars at the mention of Edward out hunting James. How so very stupid of him! And yet, I feel a sense of pride. I start to edge along the wall slowly - there's a bat behind my chair and if I can get to it, maybe I can attack him and get past him.

"This all could have been avoided, Bella. I could have killed you seventeen years ago along with your parents, but you were nowhere to be found. Why is that?"

"Does it matter?"

James scoffs, "If only your parents could see what a selfish girl you've turned into. Because of you, many more people will die."

I stop my inching suddenly, my fear spiking at his words. What could he mean by that?

"Of course, there was Denise and then Mike. They really fucked it all up."

"Mike?" I question, my mouth moving before my brain can stop it. I so desperately want to know more. Why all this is happening? How it started? I'm afraid of the ending.

"You can't think you meeting Mike was coincidence? He was sent there to seduce you, lure you back here. He was given orders to kill you. I told Newton Senior he'd never do it, that he had bitten off more than he could chew was spineless and I was right."

I finally reached my chair and reached behind for the bat, but it was gone.

"Tsk, looking for this?" James asks, holding up my bat - a gift from Edward.

"How did-"

"Let's see, where was I? Right. Mrs. Senna, Rosalie, Emmett, my mother, the entire Brandon family, Edward, Jasper." I nearly choke at the names on his list.

"You'd kill your own brother? You're a monster!" I toss the hand mirror I left in my chair at him and he dodges it. I lunge for my bag to try and get my phone, but he's in front of me before I can move two feet and grabs my waist.

"You have no idea."

"I'm under surveillance; you'll get caught!" I push away from him with all my strength and stumble backwards. I move to jump across my bed toward the door, but he grabs my ponytail and my ankle and I hit the floor hard, losing most of the air in my lungs. I kick out as he drags me across the floor while I try and hold on to anything to keep me grounded. He pulls me up and I manage to scratch him.

"Fucking bitch!" he yells, tossing me into the wall and I hit my head. I try and shake off the dizzying sensation and stumble forward, but James comes forward and pins me to the wall, his hands around my throat in a tight grip.

"I've done all the work. I'm fixing to get my sweet reward," James hisses. I start to choke and he lets go. "I have other plans for you first."

"Let go of me! Get off!" I yell, trying to defend myself against this man who is at least three times my size. Trying to recall some of my defense class moves in the heat of the moment, I launch a side kick at his knee but he blocks it. I try to punch him in his throat, but he grabs my arm and locks me up with my hands behind my back like I'm in handcuffs then thrusts me down on the bed as I try to head butt him. He presses his knee into my back as he ties up my wrists and ankles. All the while I'm screaming at him to let me go and that Alice will be home and someone will call the police. He just laughs.

I hear a metal sound and then he leans over me and licks my cheek up to my ear before saying, "I'm going to see what all the fuss about you is, little one. See if your pussy lives up to my expectations."

I scream as loud as I can before James slaps his hand over my mouth. I bite him and he just cackles in my face, almost as if he likes it. Tears are streaming from my eyes in rapid succession as I struggle against him, trying to free myself and not fall into the panic attack nudging at the edge of my consciousness.

"No one can save you."

I can hear my muffled squeals thunder loudly in my head and taste his blood on my tongue from where I bit him. He removes his hand and I gasp for air, spitting out the taste of his blood. He starts to tug at my shorts and I kick my legs against my ties and start to scream. No words, just shrieks and yells. Then James is pressing something sharp under my chin and I try to pull back, but his hand is pressing my head into the mattress.

"If you scream again and don't behave, I reckon I'm going to use this here knife on you in ways you can only imagine from your worst nightmares." I whimper in an attempt to bite back my screams, his threat enough to shut me up. I have no doubt he'll follow through.

I close my eyes - an effort in futility; just because I close my eyes and can't see what's going on doesn't mean it's not happening. I close my eyes and try to prepare myself to embrace death, because I will surely welcome it him once and for all after James is done.

Not too long ago, I thought the only man who would ever touch me would be Edward. The only one to taste, love and enjoy me, would be Edward. Forever.

"I love you, Edward," my heart speaks out to the universe what my brain holds in a cage.

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**Thank you for reading.**

**xx**


	49. Ch 48: Crash

PhoenixMP3, you're right, rage is necessary. Thanks for keeping Edward on track. KhariZZmatiK, thanks for making it Christmas in March with your honest edits and improving the flow.

Disclaimer: SM owns the Twilight shit. Blah, blah, etc., etc. Lewis Carroll owns _Alice in Wonderland_ and I danced on his marble slab at Westminster Abbey.

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**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 48: Crash**

**Edward Cullen POV**

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Coming in from another fruitless hunt, I shut my door and turn to head down the hall to take a hot shower when there's a knock. Wondering who the fuck is about to annoy me, I turn back around and check the peep hole but it's just black, like it's being blocked. I open the door with a sigh, already knowing who's on the other side.

"It's about time your skinny ass got home. I thought my pizza was gonna get cold."

"Em," I say in some kind of weak ass greeting as he brushes passed me without being invited in.

"Oh, look at that! The fucker actually remembers my name."

"What do you want?"

"Bro, the Bears game is on. I have pizza and beer. What do you _think _I want? And I even brought some of that girly vodka for your emo ass." Emmett disappears behind the wall as he makes himself right at home in my living room.

It's not like we haven't spoken in weeks or anything. Nope, he seems to have forgotten all about that.

_Maybe you should, too_.

"I have shit to do."

"Oh, yeah? So who are you stalking tonight? Forks' resident psycho, James, or Bella, the one you're letting get away?" I just stare at him, unsure of what to say. "Uh huh," he bristles, turning back to the TV to find the game while balancing a slice of pizza in his mouth and one in his hand that's also holding a bottle of Killian's.

I leave him to it and go to that hot shower I've been thinking about for hours. I'm so damn tired of the inside of my car-both of them. I fucking smell like leather, fast food and the outside. I actually miss the feminine scent that lingered when Bella used to ride with me.

I don't even know why I'm doing this shit. I should just give up and stop wasting my damn time. But then again, it's not like I actually have anything better to do since she left me. I can go back to filling my time with Eclipse, but Jasper's there and, even though it's weird to not have him around, I don't see how I can get over the whole _your-brother-is-a-cold-hearted-psychotic-killer_ thing. And filling my days with busy shit is not a life. At least not mine, anyway. My life has always been pretty fucking amazing and was so much better than that with Bella in it. The three of us had been talking about opening up something like Eclipse somewhere else and that would keep me busy, but I want more.

And James...fuck, I want him to pay so fucking bad for what he's done. I hate to admit it, but he's better at this than I am. He's obviously been doing it for a long ass time, probably even longer than any of us realize. Who knows how many lives he's fucked up? He was what, eighteen when he killed Bella's parents? I doubt that was his first or last time doing it. You don't just _start _shooting people point blank. He has experience but I'm just fueled by vengeance, fear and love.

A love that's dying, at that. Time passes, and every day she's not with me it dies a little more. That's not the way it's supposed to be.

Satisfied that I no longer smell like a _Stetson for Men_ ad, I force myself out of the shower and throw on clothes to go see what the fuck Emmett is up to.

"_Are you fucking kidding me?"_

By the sound of it, the Bears are trailing.

"Took you long enough! Rub and tug?" he asks. I just shake my head at him and go to the mini wet bar I have installed in the corner, grabbing the fresh bottle of Grey Goose courtesy of the fuckwad sitting on my couch.

"Surprised your arm hasn't turned into a Popeye arm." Emmett laughs at his own joke. "Anyway, I ordered more pizza. I scarfed this one down waiting on you. _Again_. One meat Supreme and one extra cheese for your picky ass."

Emmett turns back to the TV. "Aw, man! Come on! What kind of shit is that?" he shouts.

"I'm not picky. I just think if you have to dress it up with all this extra shit to enjoy it, it's a waste of fucking time and-"

"_I hate wasting my motherfucking time._ Yeah, yeah," Em says mockingly, his voice echoing mine in imitation. "Ya know, you've been saying that for so damn long but I don't think even you actually believe it. Otherwise you'd stop stalking James and just storm into Bella's house and show that girl what she needs."

"What she _doesn't_ need is someone forcing themselves on her or taking away her choices."

"Fuck that, bro! If there's anything I've learned from your sister, it's that girls will sometimes push you and push you just so you can pull them back in. _This_ is one of those times! And before you say '_Bella isn't like most girls_', the bottom line is that she is a girl and that's like, part of chick DNA or somethin'. Bella Bear is downright miserable, and it's worse because she doesn't have you."

"You talk to her?" Completely irrational jealousy floods me, along with a sense of hope-hope to learn more about her from these past few weeks. I know I could ask Alice, but I'm too damn stubborn. I don't wanna cave like that, and what if she's doing fine? It'll crush me! And if she's suffering, well, it'll kill me. It's lose-lose. But to know she's been talking to Em would piss me the fuck off. She can run to Jasper, talk to Emmett and _I'm_ the stalker. What a fucked up mess.

"Nope. I just know things, like I know the Bears are gonna win this game."

I look at the screen and see the Bears are down 21-3 against the Colts. "Shut the hell up!" I shout at Emmett, throwing an ice cube at him.

"You need to relax. You're so cagey, about to snap and go all Christian Bale on us. And what good are you to Bella dead? Do you think she'd live through that?"

"She's stronger than people give her credit for."

"Don't I know it? I'm just saying, if Rosie died it would be the end of me, and I haven't dealt with even a fraction of the mess life has thrown at Bella."

I'm too damn tired to continue to argue with Emmett. It's not that he's right, because I'll never admit that kind of fuckery-it would tilt the world upside down. So I just sit down with him and ignore his offer for pizza, but definitely take him up on the bottle of Grey Goose he brought along.

One of the best things about the friendship I had with J and Em was how easy it was. A lot of guys that grew up with us, and some I went to college with, needed constant entertainment like they had ADD or something. But with Em and J, it's always been simple. Like now, Em is in his own world with the Bears game and it's cracking my shit up. It doesn't escape me that I'm having the best time I've had since I realized my life was being fucked by a sociopath. But admitting that feels like I'm slapping Bella in the face and makes me wanna chop my own balls off.

Just like Em predicted, the Bears win.

**~F&FS~**

Four more grueling, pointless days pass with no sign of James. According to Ty, no one has even seen him around in a while. I fucking wish that meant he left town, but I know I'm not that lucky. Neither is Bella, for that matter.

I don't know what to do. I can't find that fucknut and the little bit of patience I had has worn thin. Each day, I become more and more agitated by not being able to find him and not having my girl by my side, in my arms, on my lap or whatever. The two things I want most and I can't have them. I'm not used to not getting what I want and it's creating a violent current of anger in my gut. I wonder if I could end it all by throwing a tantrum, like the time my parents wouldn't let me have the Jeep Power Wheels as a kid. I did get the Power Wheels eventually, maybe it would work again.

I'm back in Forks and I just left my parents house. Esme had pleaded with me to stop by so she could give me something -I should've known it would be a basket of food and a ton of mothering.

"_You're too thin, caro. Why aren't you eating?" _she asked softly before turning her back and muttering all kinds of bi-lingual chastisements about silly young people and how food isn't going to walk into your mouth, blah blah. I didn't stay long. I took the basket and placated Esme with a kiss to the cheek, telling her not to worry. I don't like to see my mom so worried and stressed-she's my mom for fuck's sake. I love her. But this is out of my control and it's not something she can fix with magic soup, fresh napoleons or a new car. This is serious, life altering shit.

It's a few hours before Bella will be home from work and having exhausted my intel on James, I decide to head over to her street to wait for her. I'm always here when she leaves in the morning and comes home, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. It's so fucking pathetic, but this is what I've been reduced to. Now, if my mother wants to worry about someone getting too thin, it should be Bella. I can tell by the way her clothes hang on her and how the supple curve of her waist is more like a straight edge now that she's lost weight. She's still the most beautiful girl in the world and I generally couldn't care less as long as she's healthy, but I can tell she isn't. I should tell Alice to slip her some vitamins or something maybe get her whey powder to sprinkle in Bella's coffee. That's not really _interference_, right?

I pull up to my favorite vantage point on the street and rest back in the car . I turn on some music, but not too loudly so I don't draw any attention, and I wait.

And wait...

And wait...

In the middle of _Ain't No_ _Rest for the Wicked_, I think I hear a scream so I immediately shut off the music. It falls silent again so I figure it's just my overactive and fucking paranoid imagination. Still, I don't turn the music back on and I roll the windows down, just to be safe.

I sit here for less than a minute and attempting to ignore the way my skin is crawling, but it's no use. I'm just sure something is wrong now so I get out of the car and start to walk toward the house. I tell myself if it's nothing, then great, but if what I feel is true then I can't just sit back and do nothing. I'm three houses away when it happens again and this time I _know _what I hear.

It's Bella's scream.

My blood freezes in my veins as I take off running at full speed.

"Please... please... please... please..." I chant while I run, trying to keep my rapidly fraying sanity together. My mind is trying to tell me she's just sick or having one of those girl fits, but my heart knows that's total bullshit. I know my girl and I know her sounds. She's screaming for her life. When I get to her door, it's locked and I don't bother fumbling with my keys. I just use my shoulder to bust open the door and it budges after a couple shoves. I know I'll be feeling that for a few days, but it doesn't matter. She's worth it.

I get inside and the sounds of struggling, crying, violence, anger and fear are as loud as a fourth of July fireworks display. It's overwhelming and my heart thumps wildly as I run through the house and up the stairs to find my Bella.

"_Maybe I'll let you scream my name as I come, right before I kill you."_

I try and tell myself I'm hearing things, that it's the lack of sleep driving me insane. _'Try'_ being the operative word.

What I see when I turn to enter her room makes me see red. James has Bella pinned and tied up on the bed, face down. He's leering over her and I notice the buckle on his belt is open, his pants unbuttoned and an angry red mark along her thigh. I can see her creamy legs spread out on the bed, legs that should _only_ be spread for me. I can't see her face, but I swear I can smell her tears and her fear. I lunge forward and yank James off her, tossing him to the far wall as I spin around to face him.

Bella screams again when I pull him off, a cry of pain, but I don't have enough time to see if she's okay right now because James throws a punch at me and I barely dodge it. I'm gonna kick his motherfucking ass.

"Nice of you to join the party, Edward," he sneers and I move forward, punching him in his face.

"Edward? Is that you? Edward!" Bella calls my name as my fist connects with his hard ass jaw and he sways to the side.

"It's okay, baby," I grind out, trying to soothe her as much as I can. A worthless effort, I'm sure. I really want to touch her, check her vitals and shit. This is just a giant clusterfuck.

"Bella and I were waiting for you," James says as I grab his collar and slam him into the wall, pressing his face against it. "Sorry we couldn't _completely _wait for you. We had a good time waiting though, didn't we, Bella? You didn't tell me she was so feisty, pretty boy." He licks his lips and I punch him in the stomach, making him double over. I elbow him in the back and he stumbles, but gets up and sucker punches me in the gut.

"I'm glad I didn't kill her all those years ago. Now that she's fully ripened like a sweet Georgia peach, I can have a taste before I have to chuck the rest," he sneers. I lunge for him and we both fall on the ground. It turns into a wrestling match of fists and kicks, which is probably fucking pitiful to look at. James is still wearing his sinister grin the entire time - he's truly fucking insane!

"You made this so easy. You left her practically out in the open and unprotected."

All the while, Bella is screaming for help.

"Shut the fuck up!" he shouts at her.

I punch him again and blood splatters from his nose. I won't deny the way watching his blood spill makes me feel a sense of justice. He takes advantage of the moment and knocks me off my balance, shoving my head into the floor and pressing his forearm against my throat.

"If you don't stop, I'll have to kill you and you won't be able to enjoy the show. It'll be much more fun to kill you _after _you watch me destroy your precious princess."

"You're not going anywhere near her!" I struggle to say against the pressure on my throat.

"What? You think that it's by chance you caught me? I set this all up. Lurking in the shadows to get Bella all worked up, making it impossible for you to find me and knowing you come back here around this time every day to wait for her. My two prime witnesses-I can take you both out at once.

James rolls away from the pile we've made on the floor and I stand up, throwing myself forward to grab him. He snatches the maglite on Bella's dresser, one of the four flashlights she has stashed in her room - an odd habit of hers - and knocks me across the head with it. The fucking heavy as marble flashlight hits me damn hard and I fall backward, clutching my head as I try to ignore the _thump-thump-ring-thump-thump-ring_ that is now so fucking loud in my ears.

"Why? Why did you even come back?" Bella screeches, her voice is shaky at best. "You could have stayed gone and..."

"Because I have a job to finish, one I started years ago when evidence was discovered at the Senna's house. Evidence Charles Swan picked up but failed to log in at the station that night. Instead, he took it home with him. That sealed his fate."

"Shut up! Shut up!" Bella cries, her body jerking against her restraints.

"Be patient and I'll get to you in a minute. Do you see how she's anxious for me to finish what I started? It's the last fuck she'll ever feel."

At his words, all I see is red again. I jump up, ignoring the pain in my skull and go after him, ignoring the trickle of blood I feel seeping down the side of my face.

He _will _go down, even if it's the last thing I do.

There are words flying around the room, but my blood-lust for James is so strong that I can't make everything out.

"_Direct orders... Newton, Sr... He couldn't have anyone messin' with the success of his business."_

"_The thrill of the game... fucking with your heads... personal playthings..."_

At this point, I don't know which one of us is more insane. He's laughing and cackling like a fucking lunatic and I lack any kind of control to stop pounding my fists into him.

"_The first to go... fucking Yorkie... cutting my arm... wire cutters left behind... I had to cover my tracks."_

"_Chief Swan was a stupid old man. Tried to talk me down, but it was too late."_

"Nooooooooo! You monster!" Bella's voice, although strained and distressed, is clear amongst the industrial sounds in my pounding head and James's psycho bullshit.

I think he's going on about the night of the Swan's murder, but frankly I don't give a fuck about his explanation. Nothing he can say or do will redeem him or stop me from punching him until all of the bones in his head are broken. I can't feel anything. My concern for Bella and the rage he inspires are all I know.

His blood is on my hands now. I have him on his back and I'm sitting on his chest, my fists pounding his face as he spits venom and his speech starts to slur.

"E-Ed-Edward!" Bella sobs. The sound of her broken voice takes me down a notch, but only slightly-so maybe half a notch.

I hit him pretty hard once more and he stops to struggle. I quickly move to untie Bella and I'm able to get one of her ankles undone before James attacks me from behind. _Fuck!_ He played dead and I let my guard down. I manage to get out of his grip and turn on him, but as I advance I feel a sharp pain in my side and I stumble back.

"Fuck!" comes another voice in the room, followed by the sound of glass breaking. I look up in enough time to see Jasper push James out of Bella's bedroom window. I stand in shock for what seems like hours but must only be seconds, as nothing about the scene around me has changed when I finally rejoin the here and now.

Bella is frantically screaming and thrashing around. She can't see what's going on around her and I'm sure the sounds are freaking her the fuck out. Jasper and I work to untie her as Alice runs in with her ear to her phone. From what she's saying, I figure she's talking to 9-1-1.

"Yes, home invasion... no, I don't know if anything's missing. No. Look! My best friend was tied up to her bed and fighting for her life and there's blood! _Blood!_ Isn't there some kind of Hippocratic A-B-C order? Send someone _now_!" Alice screams at dispatch.

Bella is finally untied and I fumble around, suddenly sluggish. I try to soothe the rope burns on her wrists, and she wraps herself around me as I sit back on the bed, feeling... I'm not sure, actually. She's sobbing heavily, mumbling fuck knows what, and I start to notice the room isn't coming in so clear anymore. I'm a little dizzy.

I _know _it feels fucking awesome to hold her again, though. I want to... to keep her here.

_Fuck...so right._ My thoughts seem as real, as if I was speaking them out loud, and Bella nods against me, as if she can read my mind.

"E, you're bleeding."

"What?" I give Jasper a strange look. Of course I'm bleeding-I just went toe-to-toe with his deranged brother.

"Oh my god! You've been hurt! There's so much blood!" Bella jumps off my lap and I try to pull her back, but she pushes my hand away. She starts applying pressure to my side and I think Jasper is laying me down flat, because now I can see the ceiling and not the broken window.

"Baby?" I hear myself slur, calling for Bella.

"Here, I've got it. Go!" I hear Jasper's almost militant voice giving commands and then I see Bella looking down at me, the sight of her making me feel a little better. "It looks like a stab wound."

"What? Stabbed?" Bella's voice is hysterical. "God, no! How? No, please no!"

I try to move, lift my arms to pull her to me, but they feel like lead. I try to sit up, but it hurts so fucking much and I feel my face turn into a grimace. Jasper's holding me flat, making it harder for me to move at all. I'm not pleased.

"You have to... stay calm, or he's going to react to you freaking out," I hear Alice warn. I can make out her voice, even though it sounds distant to my ears. Her small hand appears and pushes back some of Bella's hair. _Why didn't I think of that?_

The next thing I see is Bella's tear stained face over mine, rubbing her fingers through my hair. I close my eyes in contentment, my body automatically reacting to not-so-distant memories of her touch.

"No! Stay with me, Edward! Don't close your eyes!" I snap my eyes open at the sound of the pain in her voice. It both comforts and confuses me.

"It's pretty deep." Jasper again.

"Where is the fucking ambulance?" Bella curses. "Please, baby! _Please!_ Stay with me!"

"_Where else would I go?"_ I'm not sure if I actually say that out loud or not. It sounds like I did, but maybe through the traffic cone we stole in the eighth grade because it has a hollow echo sound. Bella takes my hand and presses it against her chest, locking her fingers with mine as the other hand still tousles my hair.

I try and focus on Bella-sweet, beautiful Bella. There are tears swimming in her mocha colored eyes. Her sadness is so loud, but I can't _actually_ hear her. I see her mouth moving at a rapid pace. Her head snaps up, her face turning away from me, and I lose focus again.

Coming back into the here and now, I see pops of light like sun shining through a crystal around Bella's tear stained face. I can't register the sounds surrounding me anymore, but I still see her lips moving and feel someone else near my stomach. There's a commotion in the room and I'm being moved as the ceiling starts to spin. I can no longer see Bella. I feel her, so I know she's close, but I can't be sure where.

I just want her with me.

_Outside? The clouds are really dark today. _My eyelids keep fluttering, but I fight it because I need to see Bella. I try to turn my head, wanting to find her, but I'm strapped down. I try to move my limbs and the only way I know they're responding is because a paramedic comes and I feel the restraints get tighter.

"_Bella! Bella!"_ I'm not sure if any sound is coming out, but my mind, body and heart is screaming out for her. I need to know she's okay. _"Save Bella!"_ I need to know he didn't hurt her. As soon as I'm out of my restraints, I'm tracking him down and I _will _kill him for even thinking about hurting her.

Buttons and switches surround me, but everything is colored in a shade of gray. I can hear the hum of voices as my ears pick up sound again, and then I see Jasper's curly mopped head pop into view.

"You'll be okay, bro," he says. It sounds like when you press play too quickly and the movie is still fast forwarding. But wait, _I'll_ be okay? _What about Bella? Bella is in danger!_ I buck against the restraints and then everything fades to black.

Bella...

**~F&FS~**

"You stupid boy. You could've gotten yourself killed with the craziness you pulled," Bella scolds with a warm smile on her face. She seems to be bathed in a pink light and looks really beautiful in it. "I love you so much it hurts sometimes. But that pain doesn't hold a candle to the near death I feel at the thought of losing you."

"I'm not going anywhere!" I shout, but she continues on as if I haven't said a word.

"I wish we were back at your place now. Just me and you, like before, ya know? You can even get me to watch a Will Ferrell marathon. Anything, just as long as you're there."

Bella comes and goes, but her light is always pink and soft-just like her blush.

"There's a new recipe I'm going to try for you," she tells me some other day or time or place. I really don't have a damn clue. It's all so surreal.

I want to reply to her, but it's like there's a thick pane of glass between us. A one way-window of sorts, because I can see her and hear her, but I don't think she can hear me. I've kind of got the hang of it now, and it's more contact than I've had with her for longer than I want to think about. So, I'm taking it.

"I've been sleeping with Alice ever since they let me out. The first night Jasper slept in there with us, but not in the bed," she quickly justifies. "Sometimes Emmett spends the night in the living room to be close to the door. I can't sleep in my room yet, though. It feels... it's been tainted. I'd feel better if you took me home."

I don't fully understand why we can't be together. It's like an alternate universe. She keeps saying things and they all seem so impossible by her somber tone.

"Recognize this t-shirt? It's one of yours," she says with a laugh. "I know I got my own when you took me to Muse, but yours is so much softer."

Today I listen quietly as Bella reads to me from her favorite book, _Alice in Wonderland. _She's read it so many times that it's more like she recites it at this point.

"_'I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; 'it's laid for a great many more than three.'_

_'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech._

_'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said with some severity; 'it's very rude.'_

_The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID was, 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'_

_'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they've begun asking riddles.—I believe I can guess that,' she added aloud._

_'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the March Hare._

_'Exactly so,' said Alice._

_'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on._

_'I do,' Alice hastily replied; 'at least—at least I mean what I say—that's the same thing, you know.'_

_'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"!'"_

It's been a while since I last heard from Bella. I wonder if she's sleeping. Other sounds are prevalent now. Footsteps and throat clearing, a beeping sound, a fucking annoying squeaky wheel. I hear a muffled voice-man or woman, I can't be sure. Another beeping sound follows and the creak of a door. Jesus, it's noisy! A whir like the cooling system kicked in, the scrape of a chair against the floor and I wince... more goddamn beeping.

_Beep... beep... beep... beep... beep... beep... beep... beep... beep... beep... beep... beep..._

"Will someone turn off the fucking beeping?" My throat feels like it's lined with sandpaper.

"Someone is _definitely _awake this time."

I allow my eyes to adjust and look around to see my family. Everyone's here-Esme, Carlisle, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett... no Bella. Okay, _almost_ everyone.

"How are you, son?"

"I feel like I've died and gone to Hell, had my ass kicked and just got back," I choke out. Wrong words apparently, because my mother makes a sob-choke sound and Carlisle rubs his hand on the back of her neck.

"You've been out for almost a week. In and out for the last few days," Rosalie states, timidly coming closer to the bed.

"A week? What's going on?"

"Not a whole week-" Carlisle starts, but is interrupted by Jasper.

"You don't remember?" Jasper asks.

"I...uh...no?" I question and then close my eyes, trying to remember. "I was looking for James and coming up empty, so I went to Bella's. I wanted to wait for her, but it was early."

"And?" Alice prompts.

"And..." It all starts to come back to me. Her screams, my fight with James. The window breaking, Jasper pushing him. Bella had been scared and I remember everything being hazy, like in a smoke cloud. "Oh, fuck!" I try to sit up and my head spins, sending me crashing back to the fucking uncomfortable bed. "Bella? Where is she? He didn't get her, right? Is she okay?"

"Calm down, _caro_," Esme soothes as she rests a hip on the bed. "You're going to send the hospital staff into a frenzy if you keep making your heart monitor go crazy."

"Well?" I all but growl, ignoring being chastised.

"He didn't get her," Alice answers.

"But is she okay?"

"More or less."

"And what the fuck is _that _supposed to mean? Why isn't she here? Does she still hate me?"

"She needs her rest, too, Edward. And no, she doesn't hate you. She's just worn out."

I know Alice isn't telling me something, but I'm tired. I'll figure it out when I get out of here. "So, when can I go?" I ask, turning to my dad.

"It's not up to me, but probably in four or five days."

"Can't you get me out of here today? I'm fine, really. It's just not comfortable in here. I feel like a fucking invalid or something."

"Edward!" Esme chastises.

"I'll see what I can do, but expect to be in here for two more days," Carlisle replies before leaving the sterile and crowded hospital room.

"It's good to see you back, bro," Emmett steps up. "Someone needs to keep Leah from trying to kill me and I've had to get my own morning coffee now. Sucks, dude!" I can't help but smile at Em. Nothing phases him.

"Hey, E?" Jasper catches my attention and comes to stand by Emmett. "Listen..."

"Save it, J. It was one big clusterfuck. We're good, okay?" He nods, and he and Em walk out, leaving me alone in a room full of women.

"I brought you homemade broth. I know you'll be on a liquid diet, but that stuff here is unfit for consumption. Just have the nurse get it for you when it's time to eat. I'm going to find your father and make sure he isn't trying to get in on some new trauma case. I think we've had enough of that." Mom kisses my forehead and leaves as well.

"What were you thinking!" Rosalie cries, hitting my shoulder softly with her hand. "You could have died!"

"But I didn't."

"Don't _ever _do that to me again!" There is honest to God pain in Rosalie's expression. I know she's not just talking about what happened at Bella's house but everything, including me ignoring her and everyone else. I just nod and that seems to be enough for her. She hugs me and whispers, "_she's been here_," in my ear before she leaves, calling Emmett's name when she opens the door.

Leaving just Alice in the room with me.

"I gave you hell about playing stakeout with Bella and I was wrong. I'm sorry. Your overprotectiveness saved her life."

"Well, I hope she enjoys it." There's a bitter edge to my tone and I immediately regret it, but it's not like it matters if I admit that or not.

"Edward..."

"It's cool, Ali. I'm glad she's safe. I'm gonna try and take advantage of this pain killer drip while I still have it, so I'll see you later." I press the red button a couple of times when Alice finally leaves and I lay back as it funnels into my body, a feeling of weightlessness surrounding me. If my heart wasn't so heavy, I might float.

**~F&FS~**

"Hey, at least your dad got one day shaved off your sentence," Emmett jokes as the nurse pushes a wheelchair into the room. A fucking wheelchair. I hate the damn thing; it makes me feel weaker than I already am and reminds me that my body isn't the only thing that got wounded in this whole ordeal.

At this point I know it was Jasper who got rid of James. He shoved him right through the window and the bastard broke his neck on the fall. I have to admit I'm jealous of Jasper for that kill, but I'm man enough to admit he had a right to do it. He deserved to get that monkey off his back. Maybe with Peter and James gone, his mom can heal and Jasper can breathe easy.

The police came yesterday and took my official statement, saying the state isn't pressing charges against me for assaulting James. That just made me laugh-I'd like to see them _try_. With what Bella got from James's rant and information from previous investigations, Mike Newton, Sr has been taken into custody-and that's a fucking circus in and of itself.

Em is silent as he pushes me through the hospital and toward the exit. I appreciate it because I'm not in the mood for inane or even interesting conversation. I'm looking forward to getting back to my place and maybe popping an entire daily dose of the prescriptions I'm going home with before hopefully passing the fuck out. When the hospital told me I couldn't take myself home and my father refused to use any leverage to change that fact, I decided I would only let Emmett pick me up. He wouldn't try to fucking mother hen my ass like the rest of them.

We exit the hospital and even though it's overcast and gloomy as hell out, my eyes still have to adjust to the brightness of natural light. Squinting as we push through the door, I'm almost sure I see Bella. But as I close my eyes to block out the pain that comes with being stuck under electric lights for a week, I rationalize that my brain is fucking around and try to squash that bit of hope I felt.

"Get outta the chair, fucker!" Em chuckles and I jump up quickly, startled by his voice.

"You're an ass!"

"Yeah, yeah," Emmett retorts and then nods his head in the direction of the exit ramp behind me.

I turn around and realize my brain wasn't being cruel, after all. Because there, at the landing between the two parts of the exit ramp, is Bella.

I'm not sure it's her at first because I've been in this situation before. Mild hallucinations of her in front of me, under me, next to me and none of them were real. But then the wind kicks up and carries her scent to me, near-tangible proof that she's really here and that's enough for me.

I'm now acutely aware of that magnetic pull toward her, how every nerve inside of me is jumping at the chance to touch her. My body's playing rock, paper, scissors for what part will get there first. And yet, despite that feeling, I'm rooted to this spot. I don't know why she's here and I have to admit there's a large part of me that doesn't believe she's here for me - for _us_.

She drops her arms that were wrapped around her protectively and I watch her flex her fingers like she had a tight grip on something. She's worrying her sweet bottom lip between her teeth and it's just as fucking cute as ever. I wonder if I'll ever get tired of that. She looks down at the ground, breaking the off-and-on staring contest we've been having.

Then she moves. It's such a slight shift forward that it's almost imperceptible. She looks up from the ground and takes a full step forward but stops. She wraps her arms around herself again and I can tell she's unsure.

Emmett's words from not so long ago come to mind. _"...girls will sometimes push you and push you so you can pull them back in." _

I have no control of my body as I take my own step forward and hear a soft "_Bella_" whispered into the air. She must hear it too because she takes off, running for me at full speed. Her long hair flies behind her, getting caught in the wind, and then she's in my arms, her legs wrapped around me in a vice grip while her arms cling to my neck. She almost knocks me over, but Emmett is there to hold me up until I stop rocking backward. I can feel the tug on my stitches, but I don't give a shit.

Her face is buried in my neck as she lets out a combo sighing-sob and I just breathe her in. I realize I was wrong about how much I missed her-it was so much more than that. It's impossible to measure, but I know I can never experience that again and live through it.

Emmett pats me on the shoulder, but I don't move as I feel him pass by. I don't want to. I'm right where I want to be.

Bella sits up and turns to look at me, painfully slow. I finally get to see her up close again after too long of only getting voyeuristic glances. I can see how the stress of it all has taken its toll on her. There are faint frown lines on her face, she's paler than normal and, like I said before, she's definitely lost weight. But fuck me if she still isn't beautiful. I smile at her and she lets out a huge sigh as she slides down my body until she's standing on the ground.

"I'm so sorry. So, so sorry, Edward. I dunno what I was thinking. I was so... so..."

"Shh... I know we have to talk, but right now I just want to sleep."

"Oh." Bella turns to walk away but I grab her wrist to stop her, turning her to face me.

"With you."

She smiles brightly at me and a huge balloon of hope and happiness inflates in my chest. I never thought I'd see that smile again. She sticks her hand in her pocket and pulls out her keys, handing them over. I know I'm not _supposed_ to drive, but I'll just drive slower. I take her hand in mine, locking our fingers together, and together we go home.

* * *

Before you hit review, if you're so inclined, please know that if you are going to nag me about update timing I am probably going to bitch back at you. So save us both the time, k?

JSYK F&FS is winding down.

Thanks for reading.

xo


	50. Ch 49: Master Key

Grazie mille to cclore and PhoenixMP3

SM owns the Twilight stuff.

* * *

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 49: Master Key**

**Bella Swan POV**

* * *

It's all so awful!

Blood, tweezers and latex gloves.

"_You're not allergic to latex, are you?"_ The nurse as big as Emmett asks. I just shake my head, feeling my frizzy hair scratch against my face. I don't want to be here. The lights are really bright and it's so cold. The surrounding noise is vibrating through me.

The uniformed police officer to my left is asking questions and I feel like the ultimate offender.

"Is that what you were wearing when you were attacked?" I look down at my blood stained shirt - Edward's blood - and ripped shorts and nod. Was it wrong to be dressed like this in my own house? I know that it wouldn't have mattered what I wore, but the way the officer is asking makes me feel guilty. And dirty.

"How did you know James Whitlock?" How did I know him? _Did? _I process the question over and over in my head. I guess I take too long to answer because the impatient officer asks me another question before I can respond to this one.

"Did you have anything to eat or drink?" Emphasis on the word _drink_.

"No."

"Was it normal for you to be home at that time of day?"

I shake my head. "I uhm, I went home early. I wasn't feeling well." It's not a lie, but easier to explain than the full body tautness of my skin and the anxiety that made me want to submerge myself in a tub of hot water to overpower the racing feeling of my heart with a painful burn.

"Rape kit," a young doctor shouts as she bursts through the curtain. I freak, clamp my legs shut and try to cover my ears, burying my head in my chest.

No rape, not this time. _He_ saved me, rescued me.

"Miss, we need to examine you."

"No! I'm clean! He didn't...it didn't happen. Not this time; not again." I don't want anyone to touch me. Not my kitty, not the cut in my throat or leg, not anywhere.

"Miss? Who hurt you?" The doctor, whose name I missed, asks with concern.

"Edward Cullen, what's he to you?" The officer asks.

"Everything!" If he was here, he would never let them treat me this way. If I had never let him go, I wouldn't be here right now.

And I just cry.

"Miss Swan?"

I'm rocking on the hospital bed now, trying to find a way to soothe myself. It's too much. There are too many people and they ask too many questions. I feel caged in. I'm scared. I'm isolated like a criminal. No one I know is in here and I'm being not-so-subtly accused of bringing this upon myself.

"Everyone clear out." The soft yet commanding voice of Carlisle Cullen bounces off the tacky flowered curtain and sterile walls. There's shuffling and some grumbling. I keep my hands on my ears to shut everyone out but slowly start to lessen the pressure. I hear the uniformed officer protest, but Dr. Cullen cuts him off. "You can stand on the other side of the curtain for a few minutes, Officer. Surely you can't take a statement from a hysterical person and you're making her uncomfortable."

"Bella, honey, it's okay." Esme's gentle hand brushes my arm and I can feel her slowly wrapping her arms around me, testing me to see if I will accept her comfort.

"No one in here wants to hurt you, Bella," Dr. Cullen tries to soothe when I lift my head from my knees. He looks tired, but still handsome with his greying temples and kind smile. My heart clenches for Edward, hoping he's okay so I can scratch his greying temples in thirty years.

"Is Edward..."

"He'll be fine, _piccolina_." I choose to ignore the doubt in his eyes and believe in the strength of his words.

"James?" I shudder.

"He's gone, sweetheart. He'll never hurt you or anyone else again." Again, I nod. The damage is done.

"I can't legally examine you, but Esme will stay in here with you if that makes you more comfortable." I nod vigorously. It will definitely be nice to have a comforting face in the room. He stands up and pulls back the curtain, stepping outside and I can see his shadow as he talks to a couple of people on the other side. The Emmett-sized nurse and young doctor come back in and Esme holds my hand through it all. It's weird, like I've been here before. And then I remember I know I have - seventeen years ago, and James brought us here again. Silent tears fall and I just zone out while answering their accusatory questions and watching pieces of myself fill tubes. I see blood filling vials, over-sized cotton swabs being stuffed into cylinders made of glass, and skin from under my nails being scraped onto something resembling parchment paper.

My voice takes on a robotic tone as I recount the horrific events of the day. It sounds more like I'm regurgitating facts for an impromptu oral report from Mr. Banner's eleventh grade history class than reliving a trauma. But I have to do something to get through this so I can be done with it.

"Let's go back a little bit. Why were you home at that time?"

"I went home early because I wasn't feeling well. I was very anxious and jumpy**;** it was impossible to get work done. I changed out of my work clothes to be more comfortable in my own house and sat on my bed to do some journaling. James showed up at my bedroom door."

"Did you lock the door when you got home?"

"Yes."

"Did he say anything to you upon entering?"

"He said, 'howdy'. It startled me and I jumped up. I tried to warn him that someone would come home, but he told me that he knew no one was coming. That he had been keeping tabs on everyone. I went to get my bat and he had already taken it. He kept talking about killing all of us."

"All of whom?"

"Me, Edward, Alice, his own brother. He killed Mike."

"Newton?"

I nod in response. "I threw something at him, tried to get to my phone and he blocked everything I did. I tried to use what I've learned in my self defense class, but it was no use."

I can feel my lip start to tremble, but I do my best to hold back the emotion. Focus on the facts and ignore the pain. I don't know if I can, but I have to try. I have to.

"Self defense class? Is that a recent development?"

"Not really. Alice and Edward insisted I start after Mike attacked Alice and me at Eclipse in December."

"Newton?" The officer asks again.

"Yes," I sigh in annoyance. "Eventually, James had me pinned to the bed and his knee pressed against my spine while he tied me up." The robotic tone is returning to my voice. "I could feel him pressed against me. I could hear him undo his pants and he kept saying disgusting things."

"Like?"

I sit silent for several moments. I wonder if I don't answer, if she'll go away?

"Miss Swan, can you elaborate on what was said?"

"Please, I can't." I look up and attempt to plead with the officer, but she just stares at me coldly.

"We need to know as much as possible, Miss Swan."

I'm silent while a few tears slide down my cheeks and pass my ears. I can hear them splatter against the sanitation paper on the bed. "He intended to rape me, wanted me to scream his name while he...finished and then he was going to kill me. He was glad he didn't kill me when he killed my parents so he could...so he could...so he could do that to me." I'm barely holding back a sob at this point. I'm almost certain I would have let him kill me if he had succeeded in his villainous plan.

"And what about when Edward Cullen showed up?"

"They fought."

"Who swung first?"

"I don't know," I lie. "I was tied up belly down, facing the headboard." I know it was Edward who advanced first, but if that will hurt him in some way, I'll never tell.

"Alright then. Please continue."

"James continued his vile confessions. Admitted his plans to kill Mrs. Senna, the rest of the Cullens and any of my friends." I think of Angela and Seth, innocents who could have died just for knowing me. "He said he killed someone named Yorkie for dropping a set of wire cutters with his blood on them. The same wire cutters that my daddy picked up as evidence, which is why James went after him."

"Did he ever state why he was doing all this?"

"He kept saying he had a job to finish for Mike Newton, Sr., but that the extra killings were fun for him. He said Yorkie's mistake cost Newton's business a hardship because there was a lot of heat at the time. It was difficult to follow everything he was saying, but from what I got, Newton runs a large, underground business where he has people steal cars and then sells the parts or something. I'm sorry, I don't know much more than that."

"You're sure he said Mike Newton, Sr? The business mogul?"

"Yes!"

"You're sure you're not making that up to try and get back at the son you say assaulted you?"

I start to cry again. Esme is running a gentle hand across the top of my head, offering her support. How can she be asking me that? Why would I make something like that up? The accusation burns and stings. I've been trying to lay all that business with Mike to rest. Trying to live my life and here this _female_ officer is accusing me of lying and being vindictive.

"I'm sure." I say softly. I want to find Edward and rest my head in my special place against his neck.

"Please continue."

"I guess James went crashing through the window, but I only heard the glass break. I didn't see anything."

"So you don't know if he was pushed?"

"No, I don't."

"And then what?"

"Edward was stabbed and we tried to stop the bleeding, but it was too much. Then the paramedics showed up, we were separated and I'm here talking to you."

"I think that's enough." Esme says in a stern voice. There's a tense silence in the room for a minute before the officer speaks again.

"If you think of anything else, Miss Swan, here's my card." She dangles it in my face and Esme takes it with a chastising smile. I've seen her give that to a waitress once that messed up our lunch order when she came to the city one day and asked me to join her.

The lady officer leaves and I'm thankful. The whole ordeal almost makes me wish I had Detective Emily Young questioning me again.

"This needs stitches," the line backer-built, unfriendly nurse barks out as she examines the cut on my neck. The one left by James' knife when Edward pulled him off me.

A shiver rolls through me at the very vivid memory and Esme's hand tightens around mine. It was a dual feeling of relief that he was no longer pressed against me and shock at the pain. Then fear rolled in that he cut deep enough to kill me. When he said Edward's name, _"Nice of you to join the party, Edward," _I think my heart stopped for a moment. I called out for him, I needed to be sure he was there and I wasn't imagining a dashing rescue like some kind of twisted fairy tale. He told me it would be okay and when he called me "baby," I believed him. The same feeling of warmth I felt the first time he called me that spread through me. I let myself believe everything would be okay - that _we_ were okay.

The nurse tilts my head to the left to gain access to the gash in my neck and Esme shifts to the other side of the bed so I can see her. She's looking down at me with such tender love it makes my eyes water. I realize I love her, too. When I was being stupid and avoiding all things Cullen, I missed her. I missed her excited smile whenever she would see me and the gentle way she instructed me in the kitchen. I missed her motherly hugs. I love Claire Brandon, but she's more of a pragmatic mother. She has always treated me like her own daughter, I know she loves me and she is gentle in her own way. Esme is more like my own mother - less flighty of course. But they have the same tender kind of love.

"All done**,**" the doctor declares, bringing me back to the present.

I try to smile appreciatively at the doctor, but there's no way I can muster the energy. Once the doctor leaves, I feel my body sag against the bed. I'm relieved to be done with this. Esme leans over me and pulls me to her chest, whispering soothing sounds that I don't understand. I presume them to be something Italian because they sound pretty.

"How much longer do you intend to keep her here like a prisoner?" Alice's voice carries across the linoleum and I wonder how long they plan on trying to keep her back.

It takes less than a minute before the tacky flowered curtain is being pulled back and Alice rushes in, pulling me to her as she leans over the emergency room bed. Esme steps aside to move out of her way.

"Thank God you're okay. They've kept me waiting forever! You must be freezing. Put these on." She hands me some of my clothes. A nice worn-in pair of my jeans, one of Edward's band tees - The Strokes, woolly socks, my favorite black hoodie and these ridiculous Uggs she made me buy. They're ridiculous because they're a light grey and bound to get filthy in the mud around here.

After I'm dressed, Dr. Cullen reappears and tells me I can go home, but I kind of hang back like I'm not ready. By this point, Esme has already disappeared and my guess is that she's gone to wherever Edward is, which is where I want to be.

"He can't have visitors tonight, Bella." Carlisle states, probably sensing my question. I don't ask why not, because I'm too afraid of the answer. So I go home and sleep in Ali's bed with Jasper on the settee in her room and I actually manage to pass out from the stress.

I wake up mid morning the next day and see that Alice has placed clean clothes for me and brought my toiletries from my bathroom so I don't have to go in my room to get dressed. I really don't know where I would be without her.

After getting dressed, I head to the kitchen to make some coffee to go and head to the cemetery to visit my parents. I hear industrial sounds like saws and hammers in my room and I'm not surprised Alice already has someone in there fixing the mess. I want to be able to tell my parents I know who their killer was and that he's dead; now they can really rest in peace.

Once I get to their double grave site, I sit under the nearby tree and give my parents the rated G version of everything that has happened. It's weird, I know. They aren't _really_ here, they can't hear me and if the afterlife exists, they've seen it all. But that doesn't mean I have to actually _tell_ them the sordid details.

It's a nice day today, by Forks standards. It's overcast, but not actually raining. And it's not too warm, even though it's just the end of summer. Sitting here and talking to my parents reminds me of simpler days and I feel a familiar sense of comfort. Using my coat as a blanket, I lay it on the ground, flop down on my stomach and continue talking to them.

I tell them about James and his role in their deaths; how the Newtons were a part of it, too. I leave out the violence and my near death experience - talking about it once is enough. I tell them how I tried to quit my job this morning, hanging my head in shame when I admit I tried to resign via voicemail. Daddy would be disappointed. I feel bad about my terrible work ethic lately and I have no idea when I'll be up to my normal standards. Phil Dwyer, Jr, Senior VP of Dwyer Publishing, called me back on my way to the cemetery.

"And Mr. Dwyer wouldn't let me quit. He said I should take as much time as I need. He insisted I was too valuable an employee to lose over matters outside of my control. Then Angela called to give me a few choice words for keeping her in the dark about everything I was trying to handle on my own."

I'm not sure how long I've been here, but I'm in the middle of some mundane topic when I'm cut off by a very familiar voice.

"Oh, my precious girl. Life's been hard on you, but you're so strong." My mother's gentle, smiling voice whispers in the air and then she's here, right in front of me. She's wearing the yellow sundress with the purple flowers**; **the one I last remember her in. I just stare at her, unsure if what I'm seeing is real or not.

"Mom?"

"Hi, pumpkin."

"How are you here?"

"I came to help you. Give you some mother-daughter time."

"Okaay..."

"Babycakes, what are you doing? Don't you see how your fates are tied? The one person who unlocked the key to your heart, also unlocked the greatest mystery of your life. I know you feel lost, confused, angry. But baby girl, it's because you've been trying to force your heart to deny the truth it knows. It's a fight your brain can't win."

"I wish that memory was still locked away. Sorry. I know that's selfish**.**" I turn my head from her in shame for even thinking that, let alone stating it out loud.

"He told you the truth, knowing he might lose you because he loves you enough to put you first. You wonder why he didn't bang down your door? You sent him away**;** only you can get him back. You deserve that true love and happiness. Don't let Charlie's stubbornness that you inherited keep that from you."

"I miss you guys so much." I recognize the familiar pang of loss as it relates to my parents. I've never stopping missing them, but I have been so wrapped up in other messes lately that it got pushed aside. Having my mom here now pushes those feelings front and center.

"I know, honey, but we're gone. You have to stop focusing on the past and move toward your future."

"How can I? How can I...he knew. All this time, he knew. And I ran and left him, nearly got us both killed. I just...it's so hard."

"You're making it hard. Just like when you were a little girl and tried to make the jigsaw puzzle of the smiling daisies upside down because you wanted to be surprised by the end result. We tried to tell you that it would break apart as you flipped it over, but you insisted. Look at you breaking now by doing things the hard way. Just let your heart lead, it won't steer you wrong."

"Are you happy?**"** I ask, knowing it's ridiculous. **"**Are you in heaven? Is daddy happy? Did it hurt? Leaving me?"

"We never left you, kiddo. We've watched over you every second of every day. Well, not the private ones." She smiles and I know I'm blushing a little bit. All I can think of is Edward and I making love. The aggressively, tender way he turns my body into mush over and over again. I feel my nipples tighten at the memories of our times together, but I push the thoughts aside so I can take advantage of every moment with Renee while she's here.

"My last thought on this earth was for the fates to send you your perfect match to make you whole. So you could have that kind of perfect balance your father and I have. I'm glad they listened. I tried to get them to let me come down several times. At your darkest moments, mainly. But they didn't want me to interfere, but I couldn't stand by and watch anymore. I know when you wrap your arms around yourself, you're imagining the squishy hugs I would give you as a kid. I thought you could use one."

I reach out and realize I can touch her and I lunge forward, wrapping my arms around her and breathe in her airy lavender scent.

"Go to him, Bella. He's waiting for you."

When I wake up, I'm disappointed that my mom isn't still here. I sit for a while to clear my head, think about the things she said. How I'm making this harder than it needs to be. How she wished for my perfect match and the fates sent me Edward. That he is the key to all my locks. It occurs to me that she is so very right. Once I'm clear headed, I rush home and dig through boxes until I find what I'm looking for - a gift from daddy many years ago. I stick it in my bag and make a mental note to take care of it tomorrow.

Right now, I'm going to see Edward.

I visit him every day afterward, mostly late in the day. Just before visiting hours are up. I've only run into Rose once, but so far, no one else. I like it that way.

I tell him I love him every day. I whisper it to him and show him with soft touches, especially when I illegally crawl into his hospital bed to keep him company. I tell him I'm sorry for the maelstrom I brought into everyone**'**s lives and for running from him at a time when we both needed each other the most. What we had is still there, at least for me. My skin still hums and my heart beats faster. I wear a constant smile that flows all the way to my toes. I'm drawn to him and have to resist climbing on top of him to get as close as possible. They're private moments between us and I plan to tell him everything all over again when he's awake, if he'll let me. For all I know, he'll hate me forever and I'll never get the chance. But at least this way it will soak into his subconscious and take root.

Nearly a week has passed. Days of clandestine visits are gone and soon I will know where Edward and I stand. It's the night before Edward gets discharged and I'm scared to death. I can't sleep for even five minutes and I think Ali might kick me out of her bed soon. I turn to my left and I'm met with her crystal blue stare.

"I love you Bella, but I can't wait for Edward to get out of the hospital so you can keep him up at night and I can get some sleep."

I flop myself on my back and throw my arm over my forehead**.** "I'm sorry. I know I'm being a pain, but I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow."

"It'll be fine. You're worrying for no reason, other than you've taken on Edward's obsessive nature."

"What if he hates me? What if we can't be together after all this? What if-"

"What if this, what if that. He loves you, Bella. The second thing out of his mouth after cursing about a beeping noise when he woke up was to ask how you were. He took a knife for you. May very well have to go to trial and maybe even jail for all this. And I know for a fact he would do it all over again if it meant you were okay. So go to sleep, because when he sees you, he's already going to flip out about how skinny you are. No need to add dark circles to his list."

"I'm just scared and nervous. I love him so much. I feel worse than you can even imagine and I just wish none of it ever happened. I know it's selfish, but I just want to be with him in peace."

"I know, sweets. It'll all work out." Alice scoots over a little and I move closer to her; we link arms like we used to as little girls and I rest my head on her shoulder. I stay still so Alice can get some sleep, but I don't sleep a wink. It's not out of the ordinary as I already had issues with sleep before all of this. Now every creek, every brush of a branch against the house, if the air conditioner kicks on or one of the boys sleeping downstairs uses the bathroom, I flinch. I am constantly on edge and even though I _know_ James is dead, I'm still waiting for him to come and get me.

**~F&FS~**

"Are you sure you don't wanna come with me?" Emmett asks as I stand in the kitchen and slowly sip my coffee. He's about to go and pick up Edward from the hospital.

"I'm sure. There's one thing I have to do first." Emmett gives me a pleading look, one I know to mean not to make this harder on Edward. I don't plan to. I _will_ be there. I just have an errand.

My errand at Lutz's takes a little longer than I expected. I should have calculated for the fact that Mr. Lutz is eighty years old and moves very slowly. Plus, he's lonely and likes to chat to his customers. On an ordinary day, I wouldn't mind. But today is no ordinary day.

I tuck the package into my satchel and all but run back to my car parked across the street. Only narrowly missing a scrape with an ugly red SUV speeding down the road. I make my way through town and I can't believe how big Forks feels when I'm in a hurry. I'm worried that I may be too late and he'll be gone before I get there, but Emmett knows I'm coming and I hope he'll stall as much as possible.

I arrive at Forks General, park and hurry inside. I look around for a moment and then start for Edward's room when a nurse stops me to ask if I need anything. My blood is pulsing loudly in my ears and I just shake my head at her. She asks me if I'm feeling alright and I nod. In reality, I'm not. I suddenly feel like I'm going to suffocate in here and I turn back around. I feel relief as fresh air brushes my face when I get outside. I never want to see another hospital for as long as I live. Nothing good has ever happened to me or anyone I love in these places. Cold, impersonal, bleach covered urine scents, yellow lights to hide the blood stains that now look orange from some poor person brought in on a gurney. I can't do it.

I wait outside for him. I want to be the first thing he sees when he exits the hospital, so I stand at the handicap ramp and wait. My bottom lip is being worried raw between my teeth and I'm pretty sure I'm sweating, even though it's not hot out here. I hear the automatic doors open and I look up, but it's not E and Em**;** it's an elderly couple coming out hand in hand. They exit down the ramp and smile at me as they pass. They remind me of Edward and me a little bit, - the way she's tucked into his side and he protectively walks tall beside her. I watch them as they continue to walk down the ramp and through the parking lot. He adjusts to hold her hand as they approach their car and then he opens the door for her and kisses her softly on the lips. I turn my head to allow them privacy and turn back just in time to see him shut the door for her before he goes around to the driver's side. I feel myself smiling after them and I hear the automatic doors open again.

My heartbeat picks up and my body starts to ache when I see him. He looks totally worn down and I know that's my fault. I never wanted to cause him any kind of pain and if we can get past this, I never will again.

He stands from the chair - one I know he hated siting in - with a start and I see I'm not the only one who's gotten thin. I can still see his firm build, but his cheeks are a little gaunt and I'm pretty sure those are new jeans, which seem to be hanging a little too loose for him. I'm compelled to move toward him and stupid me, I fight the compulsion. I'm afraid of his rejection, even though I'm sure I would deserve it.

"_You're making it hard..._" My mother's voice from my dream at the cemetery is on permanent loop in my brain.

I just stare forward, unsure. Begging with my eyes if this is okay. Sending my undying love through the connection we share in hopes he can feel it like the shock-waves that roll through me. Everyone keeps telling me he loves me and I don't doubt that. I need to know he still _wants_ me. That he still _chooses_ me.

"Bella." His voice is so soft**;** if it weren't for the soft breeze carrying the sound to me, I'm not sure I would hear him. But it's all I need because the next thing I know, I'm in his arms and he's got a tight grip on me. I never want that grip to loosen. He groans a little. I realize I must be hurting him in some way and I try to shift out of his arms, but he holds me to him tighter and I nuzzle my nose against his neck.

I try to apologize. I try to explain, but he shushes me.

When he tells me he wants to sleep, my stomach drops. I immediately think he's telling me it's over or he needs space. But when he holds my wrist and tells me that he wants to get some sleep _with_ me, my stomach flips. He still wants me!

I hand my keys over and we drive back to his place. I don't think he's supposed to be driving, having been unconscious and all, but I want him to be in the driver's seat. I want to give him this control. It's quiet in the car and I steal little glances over at him and I notice he's doing the same with me. At one point he takes me hand and rubs soft circles with his thumb. Each sweep creates a new ripple of electricity within me.

He gives my car to the valet at his building and we hold hands as we enter the lobby. I rest my head against his arm as we wait for the elevator and he pulls me against him as we ride it to his floor. Inside, he runs his hands down my arms and they come to rest around my waist. I can feel the steady rise and fall of his chest against me and my breath hitches when he lazily plays with the hem of my t-shirt and his thumb brushes against the skin of my stomach. Still, he says nothing.

Entering his place is so familiar**;** it's like I was never absent. Edward disappears into the kitchen and I kick off my shoes by the door the way he prefers. I just get off my second shoe when I look up and see him looking at me from the kitchen doorway. Leaning against the door jam, he looks like he's deep in thought. We've said three words to each other since we left Forks - "bless you," he told me after I sneezed and "thanks" was my reply.

It's starting to feel awkward, but then he smiles at me and reaches out to grab my hand. He walks quickly down the hallway to his bedroom, lowering the thermostat on the way. In his bedroom he draws the dark curtains and then starts to strip. His jeans drop to the floor where he's standing. I turn my head to give him privacy, which I realize is ludicrous, but I can't help it. He crosses back to the side of the room where I'm standing and his t-shirt gets tossed to the floor.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

He sees that I haven't moved and he comes to me, lifting my shirt over my head. "This is how we sleep, Bella. Don't tell me you've forgotten already." He's smiling, but there is a hint of shakiness in his voice. Like maybe he really thinks I did forget.

"No. I could never forget." Following his lead, I undo my own jeans and let them fall to the floor. Then I pull back the blankets and crawl across Edward's side of the bed to mine and he slides in after me. He's already pulling me to him before we're both fully situated, but I don't mind. I've longed for him to hold me for weeks.

"I've missed you**,**" I whisper and he pulls me just a little bit tighter. I think he's asleep before his brain can process a reply.

I wake up to a pitch black night with the painful urge to pee. I think my bladder is going to explode, but there is 190 pounds of sleeping boy on top of me. I smile to myself in contentment and then my bladder screams, so I scoogie myself out from under him then dash to the bathroom and back before he can notice. He's positioned in such a way that I can slide back under him just so. He shifts slightly, making it impossible for me to get away again and I easily fall back to sleep. Feeling safe and secure.

I feel calm and relaxed as I rouse from sleep, but then start to panic when I find I'm alone. I don't even know what day it is. Edward and I have been sleeping on and off for days now. We've talked some and somehow managed to eat, but mainly we've been sleeping. I think we both have just needed some recuperation.

I scoot over to the now cold side of the bed, where I last saw Edward, and I close my eyes and breathe deeply; trying to center my energy and shake off the slight disorientation. As I do so, a somber melody seems to drift to me from the crack under the door. I throw the blankets back and grab his discarded t-shirt from the floor and pull it on. Grabbing the small item I've been carrying for days, I leave the bedroom and almost seem to float from the room and down the hall, the notes serving as my chariot. I know where I'm going**, **I'm going to Edward. Always toward and never away from him ever again. I find the door to the room where he keeps his piano open and I step inside just beyond the threshold. I take in the sight of him tickling the ivory keys with fluid motion to rival a smooth flowing river, unhindered by any barriers. The blue moonlight is casting an ethereal glow around him as he becomes one with the music. The corded muscles in his shoulders contract and relax with each new note he creates, and his toned chest heaves with his steady breathing. I don't recognize the song, but I can feel the sadness it rings and I close my eyes to feel what he feels, to understand his communication because I know it's for me. Loneliness, anger, emptiness, sorrow.

And then he changes**;** he plays my song, the one he wrote for me, and my heart flutters. Almost immediately the sad mood lifts as the airy feeling of love wraps around me and I feel comfort and safety. Memories of the first time I heard this song lift me up and I raise my chin to the ceiling, wanting to drown in them. The night he told me he loved me, the night he showed me with his body in total respect and reverence of mine. The night that sealed my assurance that Edward is my Alpha and Omega. I open my eyes and find that I've made my way over to him, just shy of the edge of the piano bench where he's centered and focused. I want to touch him**;** I itch to feel his skin with mine, but I don't dare break him from his reverie. It's too beautiful and I'm afraid I won't apologize for being selfish about this.

I'm lost in his beautiful sound when suddenly the music stops and I let out a small yelp as he reaches out for me and pulls me into his lap.

My knees perch at an uncomfortable angle against the edge of the piano bench, but I forget about it immediately as Edward lifts his hand to trace the scar along my neck. Covered in stitches, it's a glaring red sign to what I went through with James. The edges have bruised from where the knife tore my skin apart and where it now tries to mend. An ugly shade of purple turning a sickly shade of green as it heals. It itches and burns, but Edward's touch is soft and gentle in contrast. Letting out a deep sigh, Edward drops his hand and it falls limply to my leg with a heavy smack, the sound of skin on skin.

"Edward, I..."

"Don't."

"No, listen."

"It's alright, Bella. Really."

"Ugh! No it isn't."

This is how it's been for the last few days. We've talked, sure. But I haven't been able to tell him what I need to tell him. It's like he's terrified to hear my words, know my heart. Like he thinks I'm only here while we both heal physically and once the stitches are gone, I'll run. He'd never admit it, but I see it in his eyes. I feel it in the way he keeps me at a distance. And I deserve it. I deserve his skittish stares and resigned sighs. I deserve the lackluster smile and barely there touches. The most he touches me is when we sleep, and I'm not sure he's consciously aware that he holds me in a vice grip or covers my body with his. And when I wake up, he's usually gone. I made him feel this way. I deserve it, all of it.

But Edward doesn't.

"I have something for you." Edward looks at me, his eyes puzzled. "I visited my parents last week while you were...recovering. I haven't been to see them in a long time. Too long."

I look up at him and I can see he's waiting for me to get on with it. He's impatient, but at least he's listening.

"I don't know if it was the pain medication or the sun or what. But I saw my mom, E. She was there. She came and spoke to me. Sat right next to me." Edward smiles slightly, the corner of his lips curving upward. "She told me something that I knew all along, but I overreacted and let my fear get in the way."

"I told you, that's okay. I get it."

"But you don't! I'm trying to tell you!" I jump up from his lap and move to the center of the room. "I was scared and confused. I didn't know if I could do both, be both loving daughter and devoted girlfriend. And I felt like such a traitor to my parents**'** memory by loving you. I hated everything else, everyone who had to do with their murder and that hate has been festering a long time. I hated myself. I-I just didn't know."

"How could you hate yourself for what happened to them? You're the most innocent in all of this."

"I was there and I did nothing! I couldn't even remember what happened enough to assist the police. I just fell apart. Useless. I couldn't sort out what to do when it all started to fall on top of me."

"You didn't have to handle that shit alone." He's standing now, but keeping a distance between us. There is a hint of anger in his voice. I don't blame him.

"I think I did, because I understand better now. You would have tried to distract me, done everything to make me feel safe and comfortable. Be the perfect man that you are and I never would have come to this point. James would have taken longer to get to me and I wouldn't have known the depth of his sinister roots."

"He never would have gotten to you!" Edward's fists clench at his sides and for a moment I'm startled by the hostility rolling off of him. But I know it's not toward me. James hurt him, too.

"That's my point! God, will you just let me get through this, please?" Edward sits back down on the piano bench and rests his elbows on his knees, gripping his unruly hair. "When I was in the cemetery, my mother helped me see what I couldn't get to through the fog in my head. She helped me see that you are the key to healing my pain and making me whole. So even if I pushed you away, I never could have reached this point without you. I was stupid to ever forget."

"Would you be here if you didn't...uh..._talk_ to your mom?"

"Yes." I say with conviction. "I was in the hospital by your side every day. I whispered it to you every day, hoping you would hear me and know. Telling you about mundane things like the neighbor's cat who trampled across the roses in our front yard and ripped them from the ground."

"So it was you, then?" I nod and Edward chuckles lightly. "I thought I was hallucinating."

"And the new recipe you want to try?" I nod again.

"You read to me from Alice in Wonderland?"

"Yes. About the Mad Hatter. I thought you might like that." I'm sure it was no coincidence that Edward was the Mad Hatter on Halloween and that the Mad Hatter is my favorite character. Alice is a tricky one.

"What else did you say?" He asks and he's standing just a few feet away now.

"Emmett and Jasper stood guard at my house."

"What else?"

"That I missed you and wanted you here with me."

"Anything else?"

"I told you that I love you. At least five times a day, sometimes more."

Edward moves to me at a fast pace, almost like if I blinked, I wouldn't have seen him move. "Do you?" He stands over me and I can smell his masculine scent, somehow heightened by his proximity or the heat between us. I look up into his eyes and I'm nearly burned by the smoldering heat I see there that accompanies a plea for my answer. It's definitely the heat between us.

I reach up and place the black corded chain around his neck, my hands running down his bare chest as I leave the charm behind; emptying my hands of the gift I carried. "Yes," I swallow thickly. "I love you. This key, my daddy gave it to me when I was four. He found it during a case at an abandoned home and gave it to me to play pretend with. I used to pretend it was a magic key that could open anything. Take me anywhere. And now I'm giving it to you. This key represents the key to my heart. It _is_ you and I want you to have it as a token of my undying love. I will never give it to anyone else." I say this last sentence staring into Edward's eyes intently, knowing he has always been able to see into the very depths of my soul and he will see the truth of my words.

I start to think that maybe he doesn't believe me, maybe I'm too late, but his hands move to my neck as he bends down and kisses me fiercely. He crashes his lips to mine, lips I haven't felt in months, and my head starts to swim with excitement from it all. I run my hands against his stomach and feel it twitch from my touch. I feel his toned chest, but since he is shirtless, there is nothing for me to grab on to. Instead I run my hands back down and latch onto the waist of his boxers, twisting the fabric in my hands.

He fists my hair and whispers, "never again" against my mouth and I pull him closer to me in response. I will never let him go again.

It's a frenzy of hands and lips as we get reacquainted with one another. He traces the line of my neck and I nibble on his bottom lip. He runs his hands down my waist and cups my bum and I run my hands against the hard muscles of his back. He steps back for a second and pulls my shirt over my head, leaving my chest just as bare as his and then pulls my body to his. I moan as my hardened nipples meet the resistance of his torso.

"When I saw him touching you, marking your skin with his dirty fucking hands..." Edward trails off, unable to finish his thought. His eyes search mine as he cups my face in his. He gently rubs a thumb over my bottom lip a few times, the silence of his unspoken words hanging between us. I pucker up and kiss his thumb as it drags over my mouth. It tastes a little sweet.

"I'm the only man who gets to touch you." He brushes my hair over my shoulder and gently caresses me there, dragging his hand up to my neck.

"The only man who gets to kiss you." His lips follow the same path as his hand. Kissing my shoulder, nipping at my neck. When he reaches my ear lobe, he brings it between his teeth and I swear to God I purr. Just when I think his lips will reach mine, they hover in front of me. I can feel his warm breath fanning my face. The anticipation is making me ache even more with need.

Finally he leans in and closes the gap. But just before he does, I see that adorably smug smirk on his face.

Kissing, God the kissing. I've missed it so much. I can float away on Edward's kisses, but I never want to be far from them so I stay in the here and now. My fingers move to his hair as our tongues dance in familiar ways.

When his free hand finds its way into my panties, I feel my body go stiff with anticipation. When he touches me, he groans and I know it's because he can feel my body respond to him. I shiver as he gathers wetness on his fingers and swirls them around my clit, pressing against the sensitive nub and sending jolts of excitement through my body. He swallows the gasp on my tongue when those same fingers slide into me.

He pumps his hand skillfully, making me feel giddy and my body ache even more to join with his. I can barely keep a sane frame of mind and I fumble shamefully with the opening in his boxers to take out his peen.

"Fuck!" He hisses when I finally get him out and I tell myself it's not from the chill in the air, but that I affect him in the same way he affects me. I know it to be true, but there are some areas of life I am still working on.

I run my hand along the rigid shaft, twisting my wrist when I reach the swollen tip and then sliding back down. I have a thought. It's a dirty thought and almost as soon as I have it, I doubt it. There is some moisture from him, but a little more would be better. So I go for it. I remove my hand and slide it into my panties to join Edward's. His head pulls back away from the spot he was sucking on my neck and his eyes are wide as saucer's. To his credit, he never breaks the stride of his fingers. I dip my hand into my own wetness and then take him into my fist again. He sighs and throws his head back.

"That was fucking hot!" And then he captures my lips again.

I can feel the pressure building in my lower belly and I don't think I can handle it.

"Edward," I moan, biting on his lip and he figures I'm being playful, but I can feel my legs start to buckle as my orgasm draws closer. "I can't...ungh...too much." I try to get out that I won't be able to stand through this, that my legs will give out, but I think I've reached the point that if he so much as winks at me, I'll explode.

"I've got you," he tells me with a gentle firmness. He removes a hand from my hair and places it at the small of my back, holding me to him. This brings our bodies impossibly closer and the heel of his hand is rubbing even more firmly against my clit as his skilled fingers dive deep.

It must take all of five seconds before I come undone in his arms and it feels so, so good. My head falls back as I whimper through it and Edward leans down to nip at my neck, intensifying the experience.

"Lie down," he says firmly against my ear before I've even come all the way down from that climax. And I do. I sit down on the floor and then lay back, lifting my hips to take off my soaked panties and Edward is quick to remove his boxers. I scoot back a little bit to avoid the guitar stand.

When he looks at me, there is a hunger in his eyes that I haven't seen before and I know it matches the burning desire in mine. I want him. I want him _now_. I know he understands because he moves quickly to cover my body with his and while he is gentle, he's powerful in his claim. The sounds of our cries mix together as our bodies join and when I open my eyes I see the contentment on Edward's face.

It's not pretty and sweet, it's passionate chaos.

I want to take everything he has and give all of me back. I want him to take me, claim me, possess me. Rejoin our souls in an unalterable way. He pushes my knees back to gain deeper access, grunting in pleasure as he thrusts and I find myself sliding across the floor a little every few thrusts or so. Somehow, we end up under the piano and I grab onto one of the legs for stability, my other hand kneading and clawing his skin.

"I love you so fucking much!" He grinds out. "You're it for me, do you understand?"

"Y-y-yes," I stammer because I'm holding back my orgasm. I can tell he's close, but I'm not ready to give this up.

"_Desidero solo te!"_

He leans closer, taking my hand that isn't holding the piano leg and laces our fingers together out to the side, our chests touching and our hearts beating in mirror images. I feel the cool metal of the key between us, pressing against my chest as it hangs from his neck. We're right where we're supposed to be. He delivers languid kisses, open mouthed but no tongue. Loving and sensual and they make me hum.

"Tell me you love me."

I look at him then and I see the full measure of his insecurity and I vow to myself that I will fix that. Even if it takes the rest of my life.

"I love you, Edward. You're my _everything_. Oh!" I cry out as his hips swivel against mine and catch me off guard. "I was meant for you and only you. I love you," I whisper breathlessly because I can't hold back anymore. My back arches as my orgasm washes over me and I pull Edward right along with me as he snarls out, "I love you" before his hips jerk uncontrollably against me.

And I feel it. I feel that last piece of our puzzle snap into place. That hairline fracture that was between us is mended and our souls are connected. Nothing, no one, can ever break our bond again. I feel his love pour over me, his protection surround me, his devotion support me. And I give it all back to him in droves.

When he falls against me, he protects me from being crushed by using his forearms as support. I've missed the weight of him so I don't mind at all. I wrap my legs around his hips and maneuver my head so I can kiss him. We kiss lazily and I start to twirl strands of his hair. It's almost as if we don't want to move.

If we move, will we be done? Is this goodbye sex? Does he not believe me when I say I love him? Old habits of worry and doubt start to plague me. I try to tell myself that he gets it, that this is a new beginning, but old habits die hard.

I'm pretty sure Edward reads the small shreds of doubt in my mind because he gets up and grabs some blankets from the closet and a few pillows. Then he creates a floor bed, gets in it and pats the space next to him for me to come over.

"I'm sure you're too worn out to make it back to the bedroom. I'd carry you, but I know you hate it." I smack his arm playfully and he falls back, pulling me on top of him.

"I meant it, you know?"

"Me too."

Just like that, I decide I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I trust him with my heart and soul.

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**thanks for reading**

**xx**

"_Desidero solo te!" - _I only want you!


	51. Ch 50, Epi: Just The Beginning

******Hi. It's been a long time. A long time since I started this story and a long time since I updated. This is the final chapter to Fate & Forgotten Secrets. I want to say thank you all for picking up my little story. I'm happy to have become friends with many of you. F&FS is near and dear to me for many reasons. Thank you for giving it a chance.**

**I want to especially thank a few people. cclore and PhoenixMP3 for their support of me and their friendship from the very beginning. Most of this story would never have made it out of my head without their support. To Julieblys who I miss tremendously. All her graphic love has been inspirational to me and her friendship was there when I needed it. Finally to KhariZZmatiK who pinch-beta'd this last chapter for me and was on my ass, checking up on me to see if I would make any progress on this epilogue. **

**This is super bitter-sweet for me. Thank you all.**

**xo**

**snshyne**

* * *

**Fate & Forgotten Secrets**

**Chapter 50 - Epilogue: Just The Beginning**

**Edward Cullen POV**

* * *

To say the last few months have been easy is a bold-faced fucking lie. Both Bella and I have been dealing with our own shit as well as trying to help one another through everything. I meant what I said to her that night under my piano a few months ago-she's it for me. I know that for us to move forward together, we have to work on the shit that weighs us down. She has more to work through than I do, but we have each other now, and some day the fun times will outnumber the difficult ones.

She didn't want to leave my condo after that night and neither did I, but we knew we had to. We had to get out and face the rest of the world. She was scared-she told me she still felt like he would come after her-and that enraged me. I didn't want him to have that hold on her. We'd spent over two weeks holed up in my place, but the only way she would overcome that fear or I would get a grip on the anger rippling through me was if we got out and faced it.

Slowly, Bella makes it back to work, where they welcome her with open arms. She quickly gets back into her routine and continued her therapy sessions, where her main focus is working on ways to cope with the catastrophes and changes she's been through. Ali and Bella still attend their self-defense classes, and Bella's doing a fantastic job being more comfortable socially. Soon, the shadows disappear from her eyes, and she starts eating more, bringing back the healthy curves I love.

I still struggle with a fuckton of guilt that I can't seem to shake, and I deal with it every week in therapy. Guilt that causes me to shut down at times, but Bella is good about giving me space to deal before helping to bring me out of it. I don't deserve her gentle love, but I need it. Guilt that makes me angry, but my therapist is good at understanding where that comes from, and he doesn't make me waste my energy beating up a goddamn chair with a fucking tennis racket.

I don't think either of us will ever have completely peaceful sleep, since the mind is most vulnerable when your control is down, but when I wake up from a terror and she's there, I calm down easier; and when she wakes up screaming to find me holding her, she's able to find safety in my arms.

At first, Bella has a hard time coming to grips with her inability to sleep in her room again, but one night she decides enough is enough. She adamantly insists I drop her off so that she can prove she can do it. She all but kicks my ass out the damn door to send me back to Seattle.

I tell her she doesn't have anything to prove to me, that it is perfectly normal for her to be afraid, to feel fear, after what happened to her. But Bella is as stubborn as a fucking mule, so there's no way she wouldn't at least try.

So I drop her off and let her think I'm going home when in reality I just circle the block a few times. I pay attention to her window and note when she turns off her light, signaling she's going to try to sleep.

I wait as my heart races, its beats feeling like they're bruising my ribcage from the inside. For her sake, I hope she can do it, and I hope for mine that she's okay trying. The doctor had placed her on a pretty strong combination of a sleep med and neuro-relaxer, which would quickly knock her out. The question is whether or not she can stay asleep and if her sleep will be peaceful.

About forty-five minutes into my vigil, she screams. I run for her as my phone starts to ring in my pocket, the picture of her smiling face coming up on the screen.

"Edward! I can't. I tried. I can't!" she cries into the phone. My heart breaks for her-she wants this so badly.

"I'm coming, baby," I soothe as I hustle up the stairs and push open the door. She stands on the bed and flings herself at me when I appear.

"Take me home," she whispers into my neck.

We never really talk about it after that. It is just understood that Bella is moving in. It actually works out for the best, because Jasper wanted to ask Alice to move in. He knew Alice wouldn't do it if she thought Bella needed her, and Bella would feel bad if she held Alice back, and all this other mixed-up girl shit I can't even begin to understand. So we end up avoiding it all, and over drinks one night, Bella jokes that we can thank James for that. I think she's had a few too many.

Here's the thing, though... who knew Bella had so much fucking shit?

One hundred and four boxes in total, and the bulk of them are kitchen or fucking heavy book boxes. Ten pieces of furniture. Two antique mirrors, fifty framed photos, eleven lamps, and three black hefty bags full of hangers. That doesn't include the "necessities" she packs in a large-as-a-fucking-trunk-suitcase or the small things that somehow manage to not end up in a goddamn box.

Why do girls need ten bottle of shit to wash their face? I'll never understand that shit.

I remember moving her out of that fucking asshole Mike's place, and that had taken all of us a few hours. Moving Bella into my place took all fucking day and well into the night. Neither of us are supposed to do any heavy lifting-not like I would let her anyway-so we spend most of our time supervising. I move stuff when she isn't looking...or when someone puts shit in the wrong place. I watch as box after box after fucking box pile up, and I am starting to freak the fuck out.

"No, those go over here!" Bella shouts to Seth, and I hear a loud thud as he drops two huge boxes on the floor in my living room. She smiles blissfully, but I'm too flustered by the chaos to be fully excited by this. "Thanks."

"J, help me get this chair through the door," Emmett calls out, and Jasper drops whatever is in his arms It hits the floor with a clang.

"Hey, E, does this belong to something?" Seth asks, and another guy he brought with him, Jacob, has a sheepish look on his face. I just stare at the knob in Seth's hand, one that a moment ago was attached to my bedroom door.

"Alright, everyone get the fuck out. Go!"

"But you haven't shown her..." Alice starts.

"I don't give a damn! You're all driving me insane! You're breaking my shit! There's a fucking long ass gash in my hardwood floor! Is that shattered glass?" I ask in a panicked voice that I hardly recognize as my own and point in the direction of the kitchen. Looking away from it, I point at the exit. "Out!"

Everyone wraps up what they're doing and wavebye to Bella as they mumble nonsense to me that I can't give two shits about. I just sag down in the leather chair in the corner of my living room, the only thing that seems unharmed. I hear the door click shut, and I'm aware that Bella is moving toward me; there's always a warming of the air the closer she gets. She's as quiet as can be as she approaches, settling onto my lap and resting her head on my shoulder with her face in my neck.

"Feel better?"

"No."

"Maybe this was a bad idea."

"Stop," I say, looking down at her. "It wasn't. I just should've hired professionals. Those motherfuckers have no respect for people's shit."

"That's such a waste of money, though. All those big, strapping men are free."

"That's your type, huh? Big and strapping?"

"Edward, don't be jealous. You know I like my men to be cocky and lean." She laughs and I laugh with her before kissing her firmly.

"So what do you want to do about all this?" She gestures to the labyrinth of boxes around us.

"Well, I kind of have a solution, but I need you to close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Don't you trust me?"

"I don't trust cheesy movie lines."

I stand up and drag her with me, pulling her back against my chest and covering her eyes with my hands. She places her hands on my forearms as I guide her down the hall. The whole time she asks where we're going and when she can open her eyes, but I keep silent. Playing around, I circle my condo to confuse her already whacked sense of direction before taking her to our final destination.

"Alright, you can open your eyes now!"

"Where are we?"

"In your space," I say, and I can hear the smile in my voice as I tell her. Bella looks at me, her face a mask of confusion. My smile falters a little as I try to explain. "The unit was empty. I bought it and had a wall knocked down while you were on that spa trip for Ali's birthday."

"I don't get it. I thought we were going to live together?" It pains me to hear the hurt tone in her voice, and I realize I may have royally fucked this shit up.

"We are, but I thought you'd like your own space. I mean, not to live. Fuck knows I can't tolerate the idea of you not sleeping in my bed. But I was thinking about the kitchen and all your tools and how you like shit set up. So..." She's silent for a minute. One goddamn, long as fuck minute and I have to fight back my growing anxiety.

"That's the sweetest thing." Bella says, touching my cheek and standing on her toes to give me a soft kiss. "You really didn't have to. We could make all of our stuff fit in your condo. It's big enough."

"I know we can, but I also know I can be difficult, and I don't want you to feel smothered."

"You mean you don't want my razor to show up in your shower." Bella laughs and I just roll my eyes, because I know she's being playful.

"As long as I get to see you in the shower, you can put whatever else you want in there."

"Even my purple loofah?"

"I prefer my hands on you, but yeah." I pull Bella to me and kiss her deeply to stifle her giggle. "Wanna look around?"

"Hmm, I kind of want that shower now. We can look later." I don't need any more incentive to pull her with me and kiss her all the way to _our_ bathroom.

**~F&FS~**

"Rosie and I have been toying with the idea of babies. I can't wait to have kids to spoil, but she wants to finish her career so she won't have to travel as much."

"Ankle biters already? I can't even fathom kids yet," I say to Emmett and Jasper, completely caught off guard by the idea.

"That's what happens when you're in love and ready to spend your life with a person," Jasper interjects in his know-it-all way.

"I guess. This is my first time, though, so excuse me if I'm not a goddamn pro."

"If you love her, you need to marry that girl." Emmett has been on me about this for a month. It's getting old.

I love my friends, but sometimes I feel as though they don't have a fucking clue. I don't love Bella. I mean, I do, but what I really mean is that what I have for her transcends love. She's my twin soul, the in-between beats of my heart, the verse to my song. Do I want to marry her? Sure. If that's what Bella wants, I'll tux up right now. But do I need it? Nope.

"We've talked about it, and Bella says 'someday'. So I'll wait."

"You, wait? Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?" Jasper asks.

"Nothing's changed, asshat. She's been trapped under so much for so fucking long, and she deserves to not have anything else to worry about. I'm not going anywhere."

"Where aren't you going?" Bella walks into our home, drops her bag by the door and comes over to me, standing on her toes for a kiss. I lean down to meet her half way.

"Edward was just telling us how pussy-whipped he is," Emmett says with a toothy grin as Bella leans against me. Her small frame nestles into mine as I lean against the counter, and I wrap my free arm around her waist.

"No more than the rest of you," Bella says playfully, and Emmett falls back, pretending he's been wounded.

"Bella Bear, where's the love?" he jokes with her, and she laughs, waving him off.

"The market was so crowded today." Bella exhales out of exhaustion. "My demonstration was so packed that we actually had to turn people away."

"That's because you're the best and hottest demonstrator they have." She ignores me and takes the glass of wine Jasper offers her, sipping it and leaning more into me.

Every other Sunday, Bella volunteers at the Home Grown Outdoor Market to put on a cooking and tasting demonstration with local ingredients. She also took a gig teaching one Monday night class a month with Blue Ribbon. This is in addition to her regular job as an editor and her side project of her own cookbook. I keep telling her she should try for her own cooking show, but she swears she's too shy for that. She's full of shit, of course, because I watch her at her demonstrations and in the class she teaches, and she completely dominates with an ease and grace I've never seen her have before. She's a natural.

**~F&FS~**

"That's so awesome! Did you just find out?" I listen to Bella as she walks through the door, talking on her phone and absent-mindedly dropping her stuff as she goes. I know she's talking to Alice from the lack of full sentences in her conversation. The girls are so in sync that they always complete each other's thoughts.

"He feels... oh my god, that's great! Yeah, no...obviously!" She laughs as she turns and sees me on the couch, her eyes meet mine. I can see that her laugh and smile don't reach deep into her soul. She waves at me, and I wink at her, causing her to blush a little as she goes back to her conversation.

I watch her walk in a circle as she continues to talk to Alice. She's wearing these shorts today that are kind of dressier than normal, and they fit her perfectly. She looks sexy as hell in the shoes she's wearing, and I'm suddenly needing her to get off the phone.

"Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Alright..." Bella says as she kicks off her shoes and moves over to the couch I'm sitting on. She leans over and gives me a quick peck on the lips before making room for her head in my lap. Her eyes widen when she feels the growing bulge in my pants, but she goes back to her conversation, shaking her head as she stifles a laugh.

"Yeah, I'm home. Just got here, Edward is happy to see me." She laughs into the phone. Whatever Alice says, it makes Bella laugh harder before they hang up. "Ali's pregnant."

I know, of course. Alice told Jasper today, and he came to Eclipse happy but in a daze, blurting out, "I'm gonna be a daddy," before downing a double shot of Jack.

"Alice called me 'Auntie Bella' when I answered the phone. I knew why immediately. It's so awesome for her."

"It wouldn't be awesome for you?"

"It's different for Ali. She's always known, you know? She's wanted to get married since she was born, and when she found Jasper on the playground, it all became crystal clear for her. First the engagement and now the baby. When we were kids, Alice and I had pretend weddings. We always got married at the same time and then raised our baby dolls together. I pretended to carpool them to school, and she always had playdates at her house. Now she's there, but I'm not. It feels... I don't know..."

"What?"

Bella lies still with her head in my lap and her eyes closed. From the flicker of her lids and the way she's biting her lip, I can tell she's trying to get a thought out but she's tripping herself up.

"I'll propose to you right fucking now if that's what you want, but the look on your face tells me it's not time. I love you, Bella. I don't need goddamn papers for that. I can wait."

"I know. I love you too, more than anything. It's just... I want what my mom and dad had. That passion that lasted decades and a sense of completion. I haven't fully found myself yet...I don't think..."

"Whatever you want, Bella, it's yours. You don't have to figure it out now. We have our whole lives ahead of us."

She peeks open her left eye and looks up at me, then she opens the other and nods. We gaze at each other for a long moment before she reaches up and places her hands on my face. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pulls my lips down to hers for a soft but passionate kiss.

"You _are_ real." She sighs, and I chuckle at her.

"I'm very real, baby. Real and ready whenever you are." She smiles brightly at me, and I capture her mouth with mine again.

A promise of forever sealed with a kiss.

**~The End~**


End file.
